Date: Sat, 22 May 2010 20:37:59 -0400 From: TAJI Subject: Finding Myself - Discovery Hi there. This is my second story posted to the archives; I am trying something new. This is not a "cum-and-go", but more of a love novel/saga involving more emotions than dick sucking. But fear not, there will be plenty of dick sucking. Standard disclaimers apply. "Finding Myself" - By TAJI. Chapter One - "Discovery" I will never forget that night. The night I fucked my life up worse than I ever had before. I let my passion overcome my reason. I can't say it didn't feel right, though. All my life I somehow knew that there was something wrong. No. That's not correct. Something missing. I grew up in a very religious home. Breakfast was eaten together, prayers at every meal, and an expectation to live a pure life and one day marry a proper religious girl and have a religious family of my own. I was the youngest of two brothers and a sister. My life had always felt whole; God filled whatever doubt I had in the nature of my life. That all changed when I got to university. There, I was surrounded by an intellectual atmosphere, based on science and empirical evidence rather than faith and obedience. Within my first semester of my formal education, I was a proud atheist. As soon as God was out of my life, I instantly knew that the hole he had been filling up to that point was something else. I ignored it, and continued to live happily, still on my high of newfound independence and freedom. I met Sarah at a party during the second semester of my freshman year. She too had been a devout Christian until coming to the university, and we hit it off based on that initial connection. We found out we had many things in common, and we ended up going home together that night. The next morning, I felt different. My experience the night before had been so incredible, I told myself that was what had been missing from my life. An intimate, sexual connection to another human. Somehow though, I knew I was fooling myself. I just didn't know what it was. FAST FORWARD 18 YEARS. It was feeling like any other day. I was just finishing a long shift at the software development firm I worked at. I was packing up my bag and getting walking out of my office when a co worker of mine approached. "Hey, Troy." "Hi, Alex." Alex was my oldest friend here, we actually first met at the university and we both ended up with a job here, though I got mine about 8 months before him. He was my closest friend; I didn't have many. We worked out together three times a week and every Saturday, and we often went out for a trip to the bar for a pint or two after work. "Wanna go out for a drink? I am exhausted." "Sounds great. Just let me check with the Mrs." I called home. Sarah picked up on the second ring. "Hello?" "Hi, sweetheart." "Are you on your way home yet?" "Actually, I was just wondering if it was okay if I stayed out for a quick drink with the guys." "Of course, dork. Just remember to get home before midnight; you have to drive Corey to his swim meet tomorrow." "Don't worry, I'll be back by ten. Love you." "Love you too." I snapped the cell phone closed and looked up. Alex was shaking his head at me with a half grin, but a look of sadness on his face. "What?" I asked. He stood there for a moment, holding my eyes. He was analyzing me again. Searching my eyes for answers. "Nothing. I'll tell you in a bit." I shrugged my shoulders as I walked out of the office and threw my bag in my own car and locked it, then walked over to his. I got in the passenger seat and we were off. While we were driving toward downtown, he broke the silence and asked me a very surprising question. "Are you happy?" I froze. He could see that I knew that I was missing something. "Yes, of course I am. I have a great job, a wife, a son I adopted out of an abusive family that I have made happy again, so yeah, I'm happy." "That's not what I meant, Troy. You are married to the most controlling wife I have ever met. She watches your every step. Hell you had to call her just to go out for drinks." "Hey. I just want to keep her happy." "Exactly. Isn't it part of her job to make you happy, too? You know better than I do that you were pretty much forced into the marriage by her pregnancy, faked pregnancy, and you can never get out of it because neither of your parents believe in divorce." I was silent. How could I refute that? He was right of course. But he was trying to get at something else. "When was the last time you had sex with Sarah?" "Five years ago." He nodded, seemingly unsurprised. "Have you ever imagined your life without her?" "Yes," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "And you were happier, weren't you?" "Yes." I was full of shame. "One last question. Have you ever had a sexual fantasy involving another man?" I was shocked. My eyes went wide, my hands gripped the handle of the door. Was he telepathic? "H... How did you..." He nodded. "I'm in the same boat, only I never married." I was suddenly worried that he was going to try to make a move on me or something. And I was sure that I wasn't ready for that. "How about we go somewhere else than a bar tonight?" "What do you mean?" "You'll see." I looked out the window, and I realized that we were already downtown. He took a turn off of the main hub street, and onto a somewhat dimmer, quieter side street. I quickly realized that almost everyone on the sidewalks were men. "Alex, where are we?" "The gay district. We are coming up to Woody's, the biggest gay dance club in the city." "I'm not sure that I am ready for all of this." "Just trust me. We only have to go in for 2 minutes. You'll understand." I told myself that going into a gay bar wasn't gay, it was just a bar. It's not like I had to do anything. He parked nearby, and we walked in. The music was pounding in my ears, and the heat was almost oppressive. He took my hand and pulled me into the centre of the dance floor. He leaned over and shouted into my ear over the noise in the room. "Just go with the music! Let yourself go!" I took his advice. I just let loose. I felt the atmosphere of everyone on the dance floor pulling me on, just feeling it all. I was exhilarated. "Pull of your shirt!" Alex was advising me again, and I was surprised to see that he had already pulled his off. "Fuck it!" I ripped my shirt off as fast as I could; it was already sticking to my back a chest with sweat. All our working out was paying off. Within a few seconds, I felt contact. At first it was just the "accidental" brush of a shoulder or an arm. The men around me soon became more brazen, and I began to feel hands on my back and sides, moving forward to my chest. I didn't even think about stopping them. It ad been so long since anyone's hands were on me but my own, and it was almost orgasmic. I realized that I had the biggest boner of my life, bigger and harder than the first time I ever had sex with Sarah. A younger guy came up to me; I swear he must have just turned 18. He began grinding with me, and I was powerless to stop him. I just went with it. He turned around so we could be face to face and his hand went down my pants. My mouth fell open and my eyes rolled back as his smooth hands felt me, played with my balls. He pulled his hand out of my pants and took both of mine and began pulling me away. I looked back to Alex, who just nodded and mouthed "Meet me back here!" The youth pulled me to a quieter part of the place, away from the speakers and into a darkened room. I knew what was happening all round me. Gay sex. He pulled me to a dark corner with a big mat on the floor, and pushed me down so I was sitting against the wall. he undid by belt and began to pull my pants off. At this point I had given up, so I helped him pull them the rest of the way off. He immediately went to work. Even when we were still having sex, Sarah refused to engage in oral sex. I was being blown for the first time in my life, and it was nearly casing convulsions. I relaxed, ignoring everything, just letting him work. When he felt me approaching climax, he paused to hold me at the edge of orgasm. "You are married, aren't you?" "Yeah." He shook his head. "That is so hot. Want to cum in my mouth?" "Really? You'd let me do that?" "Are you kidding me?" He wasted no time, and went back to service me. He went harder and faster than before. Then he began to push down on my cock, taking it deeper than before. After a few tries, he got all nine inches in his mouth. I could feel that my head was in the back of his throat. He began to try to swallow, creating a brand new sensation. He pulled off, and went even faster, adding his hand to my shaft and stroking me while he blew me. This pushed me over the edge, and I felt the most powerful orgasm of my life bearing down on me. I felt my legs turn to jelly, and I knew that it was coming in just few seconds. Suddenly, he shoved a finger in my ass and worked it around. He hit something inside of me, below my balls. My mind exploded. I lost control and I felt every muscle in my body flex at random. I was yelling out "FUCK!" over and over again. Finally, I fell over the edge into the power of my orgasm. I began to come, and the kid was true to his word. He swallowed every drop of my semen, shoving my cock as deep into his throat as he could so I could come directly into his throat. I flopped back against the wall, exhausted. "Here. Taste yourself." He came up to my face and he began to make out with me. I kissed back just as hard, feeling and tasting the warmth of my cum in his mouth. He broke the kiss. "How was that?" I was so breathless, I could barely reply. "The best..." He smiled. "Perfect. Here's my number." He grabbed my hand and wrote his phone number with a pen from his pocket. "Let me take you back to your friend." "Yeah." I pulled my pants on and he lead me back out of the room to the dance floor. Alex was all smiles when he saw me. "How was it?" "Kid's a fucking pro." "Wait until you fuck someone. You're gonna die." For some reason, what he said jolted me back to reality. I was still married, still had a son. The guilt of what I had just done crashed back onto me. He saw my face, and pulled me close. "Let's get you home." As we drove back to my car, I was silent. "Are you all right?" He was genuinely concerned for me. "How am I going to go back to her? I am a liar now." "Yes, but you know what is missing from your life now, don't you?" "Yeah, but how am I supposed to get it?" "Business trips. Weekends in Vegas. Whatever you need to do. And uh... If you ever need someone... closer to home..." I knew where he was going with that. "Or even just a place to go if anything ever happens, or she learns anything. You are always welcome to my couch." He paused for a moment. "And my bed." I smiled, unable to hide it after that last one. "Good to know. Thanks, man. This really means so much to me." "No problem." We pulled into the parking lot, his car face to face with mine still sitting in my space, and I opened the door. He grabbed my hand. "Wait. Come here." He pulled me back, and kissed me full on the lips. After a moment of hesitation, I kissed back, and our tongues broke the lines. We shared a deep, passionate kiss. I was the one to break the kiss this time. I looked at the clock in the dash. 11:50. "Shit! I am so fucking late!" "See you at work Monday?" "Yeah!" "This isn't going to make things weird, is it?" "No. Tell you what. I'll call you Sunday, and we should hang out at your place." A grin crossed his face and he reached out and kissed me briefly again. I kissed him back with a smile, then hopped out of the car, running over to mine. Alex pulled out of the lot as I unlocked the door. He honked goodbye as he drove off. I sat down in the driver's seat, and just sat back for a moment, processing the events that had just occurred. "Well, I honestly expected it to be another woman, not some faggot." My eyes flew open and turned to the source of the voice. Sarah was sitting in the passenger's seat, betrayal and pain across her face. She jumped out the door and ran over to her car parked behind a bush. She peeled out of the lot, clearly on the route home. I followed her as fast as I could, not wanting her to have time to decide to leave me. She beat me by only about a few seconds. I saw her running into the house. I followed her as fast as I could, begging her to wait and hear me out. She made it into the kitchen before I stopped her. She pushed me away from her. And that's when she started in. She vented for almost an hour, calling me every homosexual slur I had ever heard, and more, bitching me out for every little thing and dragging up the past, getting it all out. She told me she hated me. She said she had only married her because her parents forced her. She faked the pregnancy to get me in, knowing that her parents would always compare other guys to me and bug her about. She said she loved me once, but hadn't for a long time. She really went ballistic when she saw the number on my hand, calling me a filthy faggot and asking if that was my slut's number, and how long I had been sucking Alex's cock. She went on, telling me that she only allowed us to adopt Spencer when he was five because she wanted a kid but never wanted to have sex with me. She told me I was ugly, stupid, and the biggest asshole she ever met. She had crushed my soul. When she ran out of steam, she said she was leaving. I begged her not to, asking her for time. She said she needed some away from me, and that she was going to stay with her parents for at least a few days while she "figured things out". With that, she grabbed her car keys and walked out the door. I stood in shock for a few minutes, then turned off the lights and headed up to bed. When I got to the top of the stairs, Spencer was standing at the top. Tears were running down his face, and he was sobbing. "I'm so sorry, Dad. I never wanted you to find out." I was confused, and couldn't deal with him right now. I felt to lost already. "What? Listen. Don't worry about it. Your mom is just going to see her parents for a few days. Now get some sleep, you have your meet tomorrow." His face was blank for a moment. "Oh... alright. Good night, Dad." I was too preoccupied to think about his odd behaviour. I was too caught up in myself, so I decided that I would deal with it later. I stumbled into the bedroom, shedding clothes as I went. I desperately wanted to just climb into bed and die, but there was something I had to do first. I grabbed the phone and called Alex. I told him everything. How she ambushed me and was gone now. He told me not to worry, that she'd be back, then reminded me that his place was open for me. I said thanks but reminded him that I had to take care of Spencer. He said that he could take Spencer I I needed some time to unwind or if I needed to have a talk with Sarah. I thanked him again, moved to tears by his generosity and caring for me. We said our goodbyes and I hung up and rolled over. I quickly fell into a deep sleep, alone for the first time in a long time. END OF CHAPTER ONE. Part Two will be written from Spencer's POV to elaborate on the history a bit more and cultivate some more plot. I always love comments/questions/death threats (please mark all hate mail as "FLAME" so I can giggle when I read it.) taji.nifty@gmail.com!