Date: Wed, 31 Aug 2011 11:52:00 -0400 (EDT)
From: Adam
Subject: Forbidden Lust: The Beginning

Ever since I can remember I have been attracted to guys. When I was young I
played with the girls.  I would even tell people I wanted to be a girl.
When I got older I was ashamed of that behavior, so I stopped saying those
things and started to act as normal as possible.  I never had many guy
friends, besides cousins or family friends.  I was shy and quiet.  I was
taught having these feelings were wrong and I still believe it.  That is
why no one must ever know about what happened.

When I was younger I was attracted to my younger cousin of two years,
Justin.  He has dark black hair, brown eyes, and a tan complexion.  He was
closer to my brother but we still liked to hang out.  He was always the
same size as me growing up because I am a small guy.  He was into sports
while I was into animals.  He would always spend the night at our house,
but I loved when we would spend the night at his house because his parents
were rarely home and not as nosy and controlling as mine were.

We would normally play video games, baseball, or hang out at my grandma's
barn.  What I really liked was this game I made up.  We would pretend to be
lions.  Evan, my brother hated the game, but for whatever reason Justin
enjoyed it.  Justin was always the male lion, while I being the weakest
would be the female.  Evan would usually quit before we got started.  We
would pretend to fight and kill animals but then when it became "night
time" Justin and I would have to sleep together.  As kids we thought that
parents had sex whenever they slept, so we would pretend to have lion sex.
He would lie right next to me and put his arm over my chest and his leg
over my waist while I just lay there hiding my boner because I secretly
loved this part.

Other times included a little rubbing against one another.  I wanted to go
further but I was always scared of "taking advantage" and what if he didn't
feel the same way?  I definitely didn't want him to tell his parents and me
get into huge trouble.  As we got older we stopped playing those games.
Instead we talked about girls and played video games.  I always loved
spending the night because he never wore a shirt to bed.  At our house we
were considered perverts if we didn't wear a shirt to bed.

One time we spent a whole weekend and played truth or dare with each other.
Once again Evan ruined the fun because we would dare each other to do
things naked.  Justin dared me to get a boner and then go into the back
yard.  I had no trouble with the boner part.  I had been hiding one since
he mentioned the game.  I always thought if he wants me to get naked then
he must have the same desire as me.  I did it and he watched me from the
back door.  I dared him to get naked and dance around with just a hat over
his crotch.  What I really wanted to do was have him naked in the bathroom
and suck his dick.  I had to hide my boner throughout the whole game.

As we grew older we drifted apart.  I was seen as the nerdy embarrassment
of the family and he grew to jock stardom.  We almost never talked in high
school.  I always felt it was because he remembered what we did during our
childhood and he was embarrassed.  I was too, until one day I confronted
him.

"Hey Justin, can I talk with you?"

Justin looked wary.  "Yeah, what's up?"

I was nervous and my face began to get red.  "Do you have a problem with
me?  We aren't close anymore and you like to hang with Evan, but not me."

Justin sighed.  He looked ashamed and started to walk away.

I grabbed him before and pleaded.  "Please, I need to know what I did so I
can change.  I want to be friends again."

"You aren't the problem!  It is me!"

I was shocked.  "What do you mean?"

His voice lowered.  "I don't like to be around you because it makes me
think things I don't want to.  Those things we did as kids were wrong.  I
don't want something worse to happen.  You are my cousin!  Do you know how
sick that is?"

"I do....I'm sorry about that.  I figured you tried to forget."

"I tried, but I can't."

He leaned in close.  I didn't know what to do.  I had never been kissed.  I
was afraid I would ruin this perfect moment.

I parted my lips and his kiss was electric.  It wasn't rough or sexy, it
was passionate almost.  I kissed back with more vigor and soon we were
making out.  His parents wouldn't be home and this was the perfect
opportunity to fulfill my childhood lust.

We parted and I chickened out.

"I have to go.  I can't..."

Justin stopped me.  "Stop."  He pulled me to his bedroom and I sat on the
bed.

He lifted his shirt slowly to show me his athletic tan body.  His chest was
perfect and he had abs you could wash clothes on.  I was feeling a little
unworthy because of my body.  I got on my knees and undid his pants.  He
moaned a little as I kissed his stomach.  He stepped out of his pants and I
took his boxers off to reveal what I had been lusting after for so long.

He wasn't huge, but thick and long enough to satisfy anyone.  I had never
done this before, so I started slowly teasing him with my tongue.  I had
watched enough porn to get the idea of what to do.  So he started leaning
into it.  I have a bad gag reflex so I was hoping he wasn't going to do
this too fast.  I took in what I could and his low growls and moans told me
I wasn't doing too bad.

"This is great.  Please don't stop." He growled.

I went faster until I knew he would blow soon.

"You don't have to swallow." He said gently.

I looked up into his eyes and nodded.  I kept going until all four spurts
went down my throat.

I was leaking so much precum that my boxers were wet.  "That was awesome."

I nodded.  "It was pretty amazing."  He stood me up and we made out some
more.  He pushed me back on his bed and came on top of me.  He pulled my
shirt off and took my pants off too.  Mine was longer, but not as thick.  I
love my dick just the same.  He didn't suck me, but just pumped me until I
was close.

"Tell me when you are close."  He whispered in my ear.

"I'm almost there already."

He let go and started grinding me.  This felt so much better.  Plus it felt
like I was fucking him.  I can't even imagine that.  I came all over his
stomach and we were a hot sticky mess.  The room smelt of sex.  He
collapsed beside me panting and I was also breathing pretty heavy from our
session.  What happened next was my favorite moment.  Justin wrapped his
muscled arm around my chest and wrapped his leg around my waist.

"Isn't your mom going to be home soon?"

"Nope, not on Wednesdays.  We can lay like this for the next two hours if
we want.

"That sounds pretty good."

I couldn't believe how this had all turned out.  If Justin was willing I
wanted to do so much more.  The only thing that killed me was this couldn't
go further than lust, but I was feeling so much more.  I always dreamed
about a relationship.  This couldn't end the way I wanted it to, but I
would enjoy the ride.