Date: Tue, 21 Nov 2000 22:04:46 -0500 (EST) From: Marc Subject: Free To Lust (Part 2) Disclaimer: The following story contains graphic depictions of consenting sex between men who engage in some activities that the reader may find objectionable. So, if incest, watersports and scat are offensive to you and you are under the age of eighteen, LEAVE NOW! Free To Lust (Part 2) By Rim4you Chapter Five "Doubt and Guilt" As Brad and I showered after our intense activity, I dropped into a kind of brooding silence. Brad, on the other hand, was beaming and humming some song I had never heard of before. Was I so out of touch that a simple melody was foreign to me? "You okay, Adam?" Brad asked, as we toweled off and headed back into the bedroom. "You're awfully quiet all of a sudden. Did I upset you just now? I mean by what just happened?" I sat down on my bed and hung my head dejectedly. "Adam?" Brad sat down next to me and put his arm around me. "I'm scared, Brad." I whispered, softly. "I feel that I just used you right now to satisfy my urges and I'm frightened as to how I'm going to cope with everything that seems to be new to me." "Adam! What happened between you and I just now I wanted to happen. Don't feel guilty about it. I suppose with your recent past you would feel that way. With your vow of chastity and stuff." "Yeah! Kind of, Brad. I'm just kinda torn up right now. Mixed up is more like it. A part of me wants to run off to confession but another part of me dosen't." "You're loosin' me, Adam. I don't get it." "Literally, Brad, yes I've left the Abbey but until I receive from Rome a formal dispensation from my vows, from the Abbot General of the Cistercian Order, in technical terms, what I just did with you ..." I began to feel a lump in my throat and tears well up in my eyes. "I'm listening, Adam." Brad's voice was so comforting. He squeezed my shoulder with his hand. "I've just broken my vow of chastity. Until I receive in the mail the formal letter of dispensation from the Abbot General, I'm still bound to my vows." Tears rolled down my cheeks silently. Brad put both of his arms around me and held me closer to him. "I'm sorry, Adam!" Brad said, sweetly. "I don't know nothin' about Canon Law. I thought that once you left it was all over and now I made you commit a sin! I do know that a vow is a solemn promise made to God." "Yes. It is." "Now I feel bad, Adam! I didn't know you were still bound to your vows! It was I who took advantage of you! You didn't do anything wrong!" "Oh no, Brad! Don't you feel any guilt. I knew what I was doing. To be honest with you I don't want us to stop having sex together. I'm just confused. Everything is so up-side-down right now. I want to be free to lust but my conscience ..." "Give yourself time, Adam. I want us to have sex again. I enjoyed having sex with you. But if you feel it's wrong, at least for now, I won't initiate anything until you feel it's right." "You let me deal with rules and regulations, okay? I want and need you, Brad!" "But, Adam! I don't want you feelin' that every time we mess around that your committin' some kind of sin! I couldn't handle that!" "I'll be okay, Brad. Just give me a little time." "Until that letter comes?" I shook my head. "Adam?" "Yes?" I whispered. "I love you!" "I love you too, Brad! Don't ever forget that!" "Can I kiss you? Would that be okay?" I looked up and gazed into my younger brother's deep blue eyes. I beheld a tenderness that I hadn't seen in such a long time. Drawing him into my arms I pulled him down on the bed and our lips met in a deep, tender kiss. Our moment of intimacy was broken by a knock on the door. "Boys!" "Just a minute, Dad!" Brad shouted. Brad and I scrambled into our underwear and Brad dove into his bed. "Come in!" I hollered. Dad opened the door and stepped into the room. "Your Mom and I were wondering when you two would come downstairs. It's past noon!" "Brad and I were just talkin', Dad." "That's good. Bet you guys had alot of catching up to do." "We sure did!" Brad said, giggling. "Yeah, Dad! Brad was just bringing me up on the latest stuff." "Up being the key word!" "Brad!" "Whatever!" Dad shook his head. "You guys hungry?" "I'm starving," I said, looking at Brad, "aren't you?" "I could go for a second helping!" Brad replied, busting out laughing. "Did I miss something here?" "One of Brad's jokes, Dad." "That's your brother!" "You sure did miss something, Dad!" Brad giggled. "Just get dressed. Mom's got lunch just about ready." "We'll be right down, Dad." I said. Dad turned and closed the door. I waited till he had begun descending the stairs before I said anything. "You tryin' to get us in trouble?" I asked Brad. "Your comments!" "Relax, Adam!" Brad answered, grabbing a pair of shorts and slipping them on. "I have alot to tell you. I haven't even begun to tip the iceberg yet!" "What?" I asked, curiously. "Oh! I'll tell you." Brad replied, pulling on a t-shirt. "Tell me what, Brad?" "You'll just have to wait till that letter you're expecting comes in the mail. I've already gotten you in enough trouble with the Man upstairs!" "What are you talking about, Brad?" "You'll find out, Adam." As we walked out of the bedroom, Brad reached over and ran his hand over my ass. It felt good. Then he raised his hand and gave me a hard slap on my butt. "That's a hint, Adam!" Brad shouted, as he ran down the stairs. "Why you little ..." I hollered back, remembering a trick I used to do when Brand and I were kids. Could I do it again? I hopped on the bannister and slid my way down the staircase flying past Brad in the process. "That's not fair, Adam!" Brad yelled. "Boys! Boys!" Mom shouted, rounding the corner heaing all the commotion, salad bowl in hand to see me fly off the bannister and landing sprawled out on the floor! Dad came running when he heard a loud thump on the floor and the phone at the bottom of the staircase went sailing past him, as well as the small table it was on. He stood there scratching his head. Brad roared with laughter bracing himself against the sofa in the livingroom. "Adam!" Mom said, rolling her eyes, "at least when you were twelve you remembered to tuck your feet to avoid the phone!" "John!" "Yes, Maria?" "Talk to your boys! Get your eldest off of the floor and control that cackling hyenah over there, Brad! Lunch is ready!" "Sorry, Ma!" I said. "Oh! That was way too cool, dude! You done went and pissed off Ma!" Brad was rolling hysterically with laughter. "I did? I didn't mean to!" "Bradley! Adam!" Dad shouted, trying to control his laughter, trying to sound authoritative, "get yout butts in the kitchen, now!" "He broke the phone, Dad! Mom's fancy new phone!" Brad responded, roaring with laughter. Dad and Brad helped me up off of the floor. I picked up the phone. It was broken alright! I started to laugh too. "Dad?" "Yes, Adam?" "Can I have an advance on my allowance? The three of us cracked up. Mom, on the otherhand was not amused. "When the three of you can act civilized," she shouted, banging something in the sink, "you can sit down at the table!" "Give me a minute, boys!" Dad turned and headed towards the kitchen, chuckling. "You're in for it now, Adam!" Brad said, still laughing. "Dad's gotta pacify Ma now!" "I didn't mean to break the phone!" "I know that. Dad knows that. Ma knows that. She's just fussy, that's all. Don't sweat it! After lunch, we'll go to the Mall and buy her another phone." "I don't have any money, Brad! I don't even have a job!" "I do!" Brad chirped. "We can take it out in trade!" "Huh?" Brad leaned over the sofa and spread his legs. "Get my drift?" he said. "That's not fair, Brad!" "Well, it's either that or you owe me a hundred and fifty-five dollars!" "What?" I exclaimed. "Plus tax!" "For a phone?" "You've been locked up too long, Adam! Hello! But I got ya covered!" Suddenly I felt that my younger brother was the older brother! As Brad and I walked into the kitchen I went up to my mother and gave her a hug. "I'm sorry, Ma!" "Oh! Don't mind me, Adam. It was kind of cute! You've just lost your touch! Next time, just walk down the stairs!" "Oh! I won't do that again, Ma, I promise!" After lunch, Dad pulled me aside and handed me some money. "Dad!" I gasped, "this is eight hundred dollars!" "Buy your Mom a new phone and whatever you need, son." "No, Dad!" I protested. "I don't want Brad to get the feeling that I'm being pampered." "Take the money you idiot!" Brad replied, coming up on the two of us. "I'll replace Mom's phone. You, on the other hand, do need new clothes. Big time!" "But Dad!" I whined. "Just go with your bother! It's no big deal, son. You can re-pay me in other ways." "Huh?" "Come on, Adam!" Brad replied, "Let's go to the Mall." Chapter Six "The Letter" Three weeks later I received a letter postmarked from Rome. Mom handed me the letter when I came home from work. "Aren't you going to open it?" She asked. "I will, Mom. I just want Brad to be here when I do. Is that okay?" "Yes. I'm so glad the two of you are getting along so well." A half an hour later Brad came through the front door. I waved the unopened letter in front of him and motioned him upstairs. "I hope you don't mind, but I'd like to share this with my brother first. Is that okay?" "Yes, son. It is." Dad said, gently, putting his arm around Mom, as Brad and I climbed the stairs to my room. "John! Shouldn't we? I mean ... he's been talking about this letter for some time. I know what it means. It severs all ties with his former life! Shouldn't we be with him?" "No, Maria! It's something he wants to share with Brad first. Let's go out to dinner and leave the boys alone, okay?" "Boys!" "Yes, Dad?" Brad responded. "I'm taking your Mom out to dinner tonight. Brad!" "Yeah, Dad?" "Just ... uh ... be there for your brother, okay?" "I will, Dad. I'm always here for Adam." As we climbed up the stairs I handed the letter to Brad. "Will you read it to me?" "If you want me to, Adam." We closed my bedroom door behind us and sat upon my bed. "Are you okay, Adam?" "I just need to hear it from you, Brad! Open it. Read it to me!" Brad opened the letter and began to read. "Casa Generilizia Cistercence Piazza del Tempio di Diana, 14 00153 Roma ITALIA In Assumptione Beata Maria Semper Virginis 15/08/79 Frater Maria Bruno ... In accordance with Canon Number ... you are hereby dispensed from your vows of Obediencce, Stability and Conversion of Morals according to the Rule of St. Benedict ... a record of which ...." My head swam with the words Brad was reading. "Signed," Brad continued. My heart sank. "Rev. Dom. Sighardus Kleiner, Abbas Generalis, Ordinis Cisterciensis" I began to cry. Brad dropped the letter to the floor and wrapping his arms around me, held me close. "A part of me is gone forever, Brad!" I sobbed. "I know, Adam! I know!" Brad said, tenderly rocking me in his arms. "Is everything okay?" Dad whispered, as he opened the door. "Adam!" "Daddy!" I cried. "I'll take care of Adam, Dad!" Brad said. "You and Mom go out to dinner." Brad rocked me ever so gently in his arms I looked at my father with tears streaming down my face. In an instant, Dad was beside me, his powerful arms, like Brad's, wrapped aroumd me, holding me. "I'm scared, Dad! There's no turning back now! I've failed!" "You haven't failed!" Brad hissed. "Don't even think that, Adam!" "What are you taliing about?" I said, crying. "I know it hurts, Adam! Letting go! But right now ..." "What?" I cried. "You're confronting yourself! Just as I did when you left! Yes! A part of you is gone that we'll never completely understand." Brad continued, "It hurts! I know that feeling, Adam! Being left behind as you're giving up something, a part of you, that your're now leaving behind!" "I'm so scared, Brad! I'm just so scared!" "I know you are, Adam! But I'm here for you! I'm always here for you!" "Oh Brad!" I gasped. "You're the best ..." "John!" Mom's voice pierced in the air. "I'll be right there, Maria!" Dad shouted. "Don' leave your brother tonight, Brad!" "I won't. I promise, Dad!" "I love you, Adam!" "I love you too, Dad!" Dad kissed me, got up and turned towards the door. "Take care of your brother, Brad. He needs you more right now!" "Just as much as I need him!" Brad whispered, softly. I can't explain why I felt the way I did at the time. Why I cried I don't know. All I knew was that a part of my life had ended emphatically. What would tomorrow bring? ****************************** I welcome your comments. Write to me at Rim4you@webtv.net