Date: Mon, 5 Apr 2010 10:20:54 -0400 From: J K Subject: Funny things happen part 13 "Funny things happen" Part 13 Comments welcome at imawriter123@gmail.com I awoke the following morning still wrapped up in Marks arms, and looked over at the clock it was after 9:30am and it was Monday and I was massively late for work. I tried to pull out of his arms but as usual he only pulled me in tighter. I turn over to face him, gave him a kiss and said, "Love, I hate to do this, and trust me the last thing I want to do is leave your arms at this point but it's Monday and I've got to get my ass to the office." He mumbled something which I did not understand and tried to pull away again but again he pulled back tighter. This time I shook him and told him again that I had to go to work. His eyes finally opened with a smile across his face and said, "No you don't, you're on vacation this week. Now lay back down close your eyes and go back to sleep." And apparently he wasn't kidding because he tightened his arms around me again and pulled me back down. At this point, it wasn't worth it to fight him on the issue, he wouldn't steer me wrong so with that l lay back down, snuggled up against him and went back to sleep. Well at least attempted to, unfortunately I'm the type of person that, once I'm up, I'm up. But laying next to him all wrapped up? That I could do without a problem. It's just my brain that was running rampant again with thoughts of Josh and what he was doing and how much I missed him already, and it hasn't even been 24 hours yet. This really was a sick, sick thing. I guess at some point I had fallen back asleep, because the next time I opened my eyes Mark was gone and there was bright warm sun coming into the bedroom. I turned over and looked at the clock, shit it was 1:15 already. I literally jumped out of bed, and ran down stairs to find a note on the table that said, "Morning (or should I say afternoon) sleepy head, it's 11:30 now running to the gym and then a few errands should be back around 1:30/45. Coffee is ready to brew, just hit the button. Love M" I wish I had words to describe how I felt about the man that I was married to, but I don't. There are no words to describe other than just absolutely incredible, loving, caring devoted-truthfully someone I am not deserving of. After everything he has still stuck with me, been my `rock of jibralter'. I am positive that there is no way I could have experienced and gone through everything that I did in the past 48 hours without him. It just would not have been possible. I walked over into the kitchen started the coffee and just stood there staring out in a complete daze wondering what do I do with life now? Josh is gone. For the first time in 18 years, the only responsibility I had was to enjoy the life that I had with my husband. Could that really be as easy as it sounded? I wished and prayed it would be, but something inside me said `Hahaha, don't even think about it David, life isn't that simple'. So who knows, but maybe I should listen to Mark and Josh and just try and live. As I poured my coffee and walked out of the kitchen over towards the terrace I heard the front door open and close, and into the room walked the most incredible man in my life with a bright smile and sapphire blue eyes that melted me every time. "Well you have finally rejoined the waking world! You feel any better? More rested? I don't think you moved an inch last night, other than when you tried to commit a big no-no by attempting to get out of bed." And he winked at me. THAT was what I wanted to ask him about. "Well officer, would you mind explaining to me, how and why it is that I suddenly have a weeks' vacation that I didn't plan or tell my office that I was taking?" He just laughed and said, "I told you I had a surprise for you when we got back, that's the first part of it. I knew this past weekend was going to be rough on you, hell it was rough on me, but we did it together. Josh is having the time of his life, just like he is supposed to and now you will too." He just had to bring him up, just had to do it. But I promised myself I was going to try and really work and control myself and not burst into tears every time I heard his name. So I said, "So I smiled back and said OK, you were a sneaky devilish man, and made that a surprise, what's the next part?" That's when the real devilish smile came out and, I was actually almost a little worried. I don't think I'd ever seen that look before, but rolled with it, and he said, "Well we're going away on a trip, no I'm not telling you where, you don't get to find out about that till we get to the airport. But I would advise you to get upstairs and start packing, and pack for summer weather, and comfortable walking. Now get going we've got to be at the airport in 2 hours." I just stood there looking at this man, I really had no words. What do you say to that? There isn't much you can say other than, "I love you Mark, and thank you for coming into my life. I don't know what I would do without you." And I just went upstairs to pack. It felt very strange doing this, I'm not sure why just very strange. I guess really its new territory for me. I haven't been in a position where I could just pick and do what I want without having to worry about my responsibilities at home since high school 18 years ago. And then I stopped do what I was doing for a minute and thought about the past 18 years and what had transpired. I got married to a woman I didn't love, I had a kid that I love more than my own life, I got a divorce, I met a man that I love more than I could ever even understand myself AND loves me back just the same if not more. What a world. As I was standing there thinking, I suddenly felt arms come around me and a light breath on my right ear and whisper of, "You ok sweetness?" And I just turned to him smiled and said, "Yes, I'm fine. Just thinking about how much I love you, and how excited I am to be doing this and with you." He looked at me again, and said, "Me too, now get packing the car service will be here to pick us up soon!" I looked back at him again and said, "Don't you have to pack?" He laughed and said "Already did this morning while you were sleeping away. Now get moving!" I quickly finished packing, brought the suitcase downstairs just in time for the car service to show up. I ran around the apartment like chicken without a head, making sure that everything was closed up and OK, until Mark caught me in one of my circles and said, "Everything is fine, I promise, time to go." Although something was still bothering me, I still had a feeling that I had forgotten to do something. I couldn't place my finger on it, but there was something going on here and I knew it was going to drive me nuts until I figured it out. Mark must have seen my mind racing as we drove in the car to the airport and said, "You didn't forget anything, I made sure we have everything that we need. And you can call Josh to say good bye before we get on the plane." Bingo! That's what I couldn't figure out, he didn't know. What was going to happen if he needed something and we weren't there? What if something happens? I was just going to go nuts, I didn't even know where I was going, how could I tell him? And then I had a sudden thought and I looked at Mark, and saw him smiling back at me. I looked back at him and said, "This was his idea wasn't it? Everything?" He kept on smiling, not saying a word. I gave him a quick punch in the stomach and said "Well was it?" And he just looked at me and said, "You raised a wonderful man who looks out for you as much as you look out for him. He loves you just as much as you love him. He caught me by surprise just as much as you. He handed me the tickets and reservations just before we left to drive home and said `I love you both very, very much. Here's my early anniversary present to the 2 of you. I've got all the info already, and if he hasn't passed out, tell him to call me before he gets on the plane.' And he just smiled gave me a kiss and that was it." I sat there stunned. Though I really shouldn't be, this was Josh. It was the way he thought, the way his mind worked. He put the world before him, would bend over backwards if he had to for anyone. But I again realized here, that my love for him was one-sided and always would be. It was a depressing thought, but one I had to accept. At that point I fell into Mark and wrapped my arms around him so tightly, I didn't want to let go, I think I finally realized Mark was it. We pulled up to the international terminal, and I thought, well it's not Hawaii and I doubt we were going East, since Mark and I and Josh too, all hated the east coast from as far north to the far south. We had already been to Japan and China and Hong Kong, so I doubt it was any of those. I was baffled, I had no idea where we could be going. And then we walked up to the ticket counter, and I saw what airline it was and I looked at Mark with my mouth hanging open, and he looked at me and said, "I know, I had the same reaction. I tried to give him the tickets back told him he was crazy and that this was just too much. But he's just as stubborn as you, and wouldn't hear of it so this is where we are going for 2 weeks." At that point my eyes bugged out again, "Two weeks?!?! I thought I only had a week vacation?" He smiled and said, "Oh did I only say 1 this morning? Sorry I meant 2." Again I just stood there in shock. Finally being able to regroup, I said, "He's sending us to fucking Figi for two weeks? Remind me to yell at him, when I call him." Mark just looked at me, laughed and said, "Oh hunny you think this is bad? You haven't seen anything yet. Not only is your son stubborn but he's also crazy. I'm starting to wonder if he robbed a bank or something." I just looked at him and said, "Oh God what the fuck else did he do?" Mark just looked at me and said, "You'll see. Now come on we're all checked in lets go get through security and then sit down we've got a good two hours before the plane leaves." I couldn't even imagine what else he had done, but I had tears running down my face. I just couldn't believe that he had done this. It was one of my dream destinations that I've always wanted to go to. He and I had talked about it and thought about it, and was always something that he and I promised we'd do together. But here I am going on my dream vacation with a man that I love, but not the one that I want. We go through security and I was walking down the corridor completely dazed, trying to process everything I didn't even realize that Mark had taken my hand and was leading me into the first class lounge. When we finally sat down and I started to look around, I looked back at Mark and he said to me, "Yea, I know he's crazy. Absolutely crazy I'm still in shock, I didn't know about this part until we checked in. I'm actually scared to find out what else he set up once we get there. But pull out that phone and call him now." Call him? Damn right I was calling him. And as I was pulling the phone out of my pocket it started to ring. I answered and said, "Have you gone fucking nuts? Did something snap in your brain?" He started laughing, "Hey Dad! I guess you're at the airport already. Happy early anniversary!" And I repeated again, "Have you lost your fucking mind? How? Why? When?" And for a minute there was silence, and then he said, "Daddy, I love you, very, very much. I do know how much you love me and in what way. And I do feel bad that I don't have the ability to love you back that way. But, I do feel better that you have someone who can love you the way that I can't. I've seen a twinkle in your eye ever since you met Mark, and I know you are happy. And it makes me happy and feel good to see that. You have done so much for me in so many ways that I could never express them in words, because there aren't any to do it with. I know that this was something that you've always wanted to do, and it was the next best thing that I could give you, so I did. Please just accept it as that and enjoy it with the man that you love, and who loves you back just as much if not more. Do it. Do it for me, do it for Mark, and do it for you. And remember I love you, always have always will. Now put Mark on, I want to talk to him too." I just handed the phone over to Mark without even looking at him, and just sat there in a total daze. He just confirmed my thoughts and fears verbally. He knew how and how much I loved him, but he can't love me back the same way. So that was the end of it all. The door had been closed and sealed and there was no chance of it ever happening. I guess I really do need to just move on now, there is absolutely no point in torturing myself over something that will never happen. I know I had tears streaming down my face, and I didn't care. I didn't care what kind of scene I was making, it didn't matter and in a matter of seconds my head was leaning against Mark's chest and I felt his arms come around me. They were comforting but at the same time cold and meant nothing. It was unfortunate but at that point there was nothing he could do that would make me feel better, things had now officially changed. I felt Mark's arms tighten around me even more and he whispered to me, "I know you're hurting and I wish I could take that all away from you. Every bit of it. But you have to believe me when I say that things are going to get better. You are going to be able to move on now, and I'm here for you and with you to do it, and I always will be. You will never ever be alone, I promise you that. Josh may not be your lover, but he is your son and he does love you. I know he does. You're going to be OK, we're going to have a wonderful time on this trip, I promise." Well I guess he was right on one thing, I have to move on. I have no choice. I know he will be with me, and I know that I am loved, but it's still not as easy as turning off a switch to just stop feeling the way that I do. It just doesn't work that way. But I will try. However I was sure of one thing, the next 18 hours on the plane were going to be torture, because all I would be able to do is sit think and sleep, and at this point I really don't think sleep was going to happen. As I sat in the lounge with my head on Mark's chest and his arms around me, I tried and tried to come up with ways to move past this point. To get over the fact that the person that I loved and wanted most in life with no longer even a possibility, but to no avail it just wasn't working. I looked up at Mark, who truthfully had the most warming and caring look on his face. His eyes told me that he understood what I was feeling to the degree that he could, and that he was here for me in whatever way I needed him. And even that I knew I didn't deserve, and yet I still had it. As the flight was finally called to board, we got up left the lounge and walked over to the gate to get on to the plane, I took one last look around the terminal, I don't know why, maybe hoping Josh would come running up to surprise me, but he didn't . I was lead to my seat , and within minutes was offered a glass of champagne, and did have the thought of `damn first class really is different'. And then what seamed like minutes later the glasses were collected and the plane pushed back from the gate. As we taxied over to the runway, I felt Mark's hand tighten around mine and I looked over to him and once again found his blue eyes and bright smile, and I finally found the energy and ability to smile back and say, "I love you." It hurt and felt good at the same time to be able to say that. Another turning point in life I suppose. I guess now, he really was the only person that would love me back the way that I loved him. The next two weeks were absolutely surreal to me. I had never in my life seen a more beautiful country. The atmosphere was different, the people were different, the attitude was different, the beaches were incredible, that was the only word that could even come close to describing this place, incredible. There were days where all we did was walk out of the hotel room, or actually I should say suite. What that boy reserved was the honeymoon suite for us. It was really rather humorous when we walked up to the front desk of the hotel and the receptionist said, "Congratulations on your partnership. Here is your key to the elevator and to your suite. The suite elevators are the next hallway over from the main ones. Your luggage will be brought up momentarily. And once again congratulations, I hope you enjoy your stay here." Both Mark and I just stood there with our mouths hanging open once again trying to process what had just been said to us. Finally Mark was able to compose himself and get out, "Thank you." As we followed the bell-hop over to the elevators, we both just looked at each other wondering what the hell was going on here. I knew that Josh was crazy, I just didn't know how crazy he was. Mark himself had said at the airport that he was afraid to find out what Josh had set-up here, he was completely right. Once again we walked into the room and our mouths just fell open. This looked more like an apartment than a room or even a suite. Mark and I just looked at each other, then tipped the bell-hop and walked around. It was when I came into the bedroom that I found an envelope on the bed marked `David & Mark'. I called Mark into the room, and with trepidation opened the envelope and the note inside read, "Well if you are reading this that means you got to the hotel ok and you are in the room. I know it may seem a bit excessive, but it was right. The two of you have given me nothing less than the best life I could ever imagine. The love that I have received from the two of you has been more than a son could ever ask for. I could not think of a better way for me to return my love than with the best that I could give you. Spend your time together as partners and lovers and friends and as David and Mark. So, my two wonderful Dad's, Happy Anniversary! Love, Josh" We both just stood there with our arms around each other in tears. I layed my head on Mark and said, "I don't know where he came from, where he got this from. He's like a miracle son, I don't deserve him." Mark just looked down at me and said, "He came from you. He got his generosity and love from you. He became the man from example, and that example was set by you." I held him tighter, just to hold myself up, because it just made me love him more. Every ounce of energy and power that I had used to try and move towards getting `over' him had just been drained out of me. How do you get over someone who does things like this? But I had no choice, somehow, I had to do it. Finally, after 2 glorious weeks, we returned back to California, admittedly well rested and I was definitely calmer than when I had left. It did help me start the `healing' process and progression of `life'. I guess I could do it. Things had more or less gone back to normal at home, Mark and I were both at work, and we both adjusted to being the only two at home each night, and it really was a lot easier to do than I had expected it to be. Josh called much more than you would expect a college freshman to call his parents, but then again he wasn't your typical college freshman, he wasn't your typical teenager, hell he wasn't your typical anything. He was just Josh. It was late Saturday night on October 16th, I had just shut off the bedside lamp and was just starting to fall asleep in Mark's arms, just like any other night when the phone rang. I immediately shot up in bed. I didn't need to know who it was, but I knew immediately something was wrong. Very, very wrong. With shaky hand picked up the phone and said, "Hello?" And all I heard was a very weak voice, "Dad, I need you."