Date: Tue, 2 Feb 2010 09:25:24 -0500
From: J K <imawriter123@gmail.com>
Subject: funny things happen Part 4

"Funny things Happen" Part 4
Comments welcome at imawriter123@gmail.com

And within a second he was gone, off to party with his friends.  I just sat
there in a daze, not knowing how to process what was just said to me.  It
really should be taken for nothing more than face value.  But once again I
have that nagging pit in my stomach that it was not meant as simply as
that.  I just continued sitting there unaware of anything else going on
around me, until Christine shook my shoulder and said,

	"David are you OK?  You look very pale, like you are going to pass
out or something"

I just shook my head and said I was fine, she shrugged and said,

	"OK, well I'm going out with Jenny, talk to you later."

That was basically her code word for `I'm going out to get fucked', which
was fine with me, I needed the time alone right now anyway.  As I listened
to her open and shut the front door, I sat there and continued to
contemplate the past 16 years of my life.  I was now 33 years old, I was in
a marriage that meant nothing.  I was lonely for a partner, which of course
was going to be a man, I had a 15 year old son who I loved more than my own
life, who made me smile, made me laugh made me actually feel the way I used
to in high school.  Light hearted, fun and enjoying things, he was the only
one who had the ability to do that.  In all the years I'd been sleeping
with guys, admittedly I had been looking for one that I could spend my life
with, that I could be happy with, that would do the same things that Josh
was able to do for me, but to no avail, it never went further than my
dick-mind you I can't say it wasn't good, but just like it was all those
years ago with Christine, there was no love involved.

It was at that point that I realized, it really was time to end this
marriage, Josh was now 15 years old, he was smart, strong, and had a good
mind of his own, and if I really were going to leave this marriage I know
that he would understand what had to happen.  He did love his mother, I
know that, as much of a bitch and as vindictive as she had been all those
years ago, the one thing I can give her credit for is how good of a mother
she was to Josh.  He loved her and she loved him, and I could not deprive
him of that either.  My only wrench into this whole issue is how do I break
it to Josh? Do I really tell him the reason behind my leaving?  The fact
that his father is gay, and can no longer stay in a marriage with a woman
that I did not love nor that I wanted to be?  Or do I lie to him and just
tell him that his mom and I needed our space from each other and have
fallen out of love with each other-which is true, but not the whole truth.

I was completely torn over this, but I also knew I had to do it. I was
slowly going crazy still being involved with this.  And the funny thing
about it, is that Christine, anytime she ever came back from her `time out
with Jenny' she always seemed as happy as could be that she had no problems
at all just leaving things as they were.  Me on the other hand, I go out
have great sex and yet I come back even more miserable than when I went to
begin with.  No, this had to end now.  It was going to kill me, to lose
Josh, but again he was a young man now, he knows I would welcome him and
want him to be with me anytime.  But, I just don't have it in me anymore I
deserve to be happy too, and it wasn't going to happen being tied to this
marriage.  But before taking any of these actions, one thing had to be done
first.  I had to tell Josh.

After making that decision, I just didn't know when or where or how I was
going to tell him, and I had been wrestling with myself for days over it.
My ability to concentrate on anything, work or play, was gone, I just sat
there staring at papers or into the middle of nowhere, it was not until my
boss came up to me and said that if I didn't `pull my shit together' I was
out.  That did it.

That Thursday night, I went over to a real estate agency and set out to
find a new place to live, truthfully I wanted to get as far away from Miami
as I could.  The past 11 years in this place had just been too much, I
wanted to start completely fresh, completely on my own.  Over the following
weeks as I narrowed the places down, I noticed that Josh had become much
more `clingy' to me. Which again was something that had never changed from
the time that he was a little boy, did his best to spend as much time
around me as he could, again almost as if he had a hint as to what I was
planning to do.  Except for the fact that I wasn't ready to tell him yet, I
wanted things to be solidified before I said anything to anyone.  But
unbeknownst to myself or anyone else for that matter, the following day was
going to bring a huge change, and much quicker than I had anticipated.

The following morning I was sitting in my office working on the monthly
budget and my boss came into my office and sat down across from me, and
then just spoke out and said,

	"David, I have an offer to make you."

I just stopped everything completely and asked "What is it?"

	"Our sister company has opened up a branch out in San Diego, and
has asked us if there was anyone that we knew that we could recommend to
head up their office out there.  And I know that you are frustrated here,
given that at the moment there is no upward movement, and you do deserve
it, after all you have put in, so before I open up the offering to everyone
else, I'm offering it to you privately first. It's triple the salary, we
pay for the move and will help you to find a place to live once you get out
there.  Don't answer me now, you have until Friday, and then I have to open
it up."  And with that he got up and walked out.

I just sat there staring at the closed door, and realized here's my
opportunity to get out, and start new, completely new, and live to be who I
really am. But once again the only wrench into this was Josh.  It was one
thing to move out of the house and to somewhere close by, but completely
different to go across the country.  However, in this case the offer and
possibilities were just too good to pass up, I knew that I would never get
another opportunity like this, not work wise, not life wise either.  I had
to do this and that was it.

That night as the 3 of us sat around the dinner table, there was a very
awkward silence. Josh was saying nothing, Christine said nothing and I
wanted to say so much but couldn't, hell I could barely lift the fork off
the napkin, let alone eat.  Finally I just said to myself `Do it already'.
So I looked up at Josh and quietly said,

	"Josh would you go downstairs, I need to discuss something with
your mother." He nodded his head yes, and as he left the room shot me quick
smile, that like always, melted my heart. I then turned to Christine and
said,

	"Chris I was just offered another job in a much higher position."
She looked at me and said "Well good for you."  But I responded,

	"Well, thanks but the issue is it's out in California, and I am
going to take it."  She just looked back at me and said,

	"So, what do you want from me?"

I could see the complete indifference in her eyes, she really had no care
what so ever for me, and I said

	"Nothing other than a divorce and full custody of Josh, he is going
to come with me."  I even shocked myself with that statement, I hadn't even
planned on saying that or doing that, it just came out of me, but on the
same token I was damned glad that it did.  She just sat there staring at
me, and finally said,

	"Good, he's all yours. Quite frankly he will be much better off,
and I'm sure much happier with you. He would do and go anywhere with you
regardless of me.  David, I know things did not work out well for us, and I
did lie to you, and should not have done it.  But truthfully I did love
you, and I was right in one aspect, that you would be a good, kind and
loving father. And you are.  He is extremely lucky to have you as his
father."

I just looked back at her with tears in my eyes, and said,

	"Chris, you are right, they didn't work out well, and to be honest,
no I did not love you, but I do have to thank you for giving me my son.
Even though it wasn't what I had planned on 16 years ago, I am forever
grateful to you for giving him to me.  But I also know that he does love
you too, and you have been a good mother to him as well."

We just sat there for a while in silence, looking at each other and then
finally I just said,

	"We can make this very simple for everyone, I'll go to the lawyer's
tomorrow, and get all of the papers done, you can have everything, house,
furniture, and do what you want with it. And we'll just get it done with as
quickly as possible."  She just looked at me and nodded, and then got up
and left the table.  Nnow had another task at hand, I to break the news to
Josh.

I got up from the table and went downstairs to talk to him but found the TV
off, and figured he had gone up to his room, so I turned around and slowly
walked back upstairs, and down the hall to his room, thinking about how it
was that I was going to phrase this to him.  But he was a young adult might
as well just say it flat out he'd get it loud and clear, I just prayed that
he wouldn't be mad at me for taking him away from his friends right in the
middle of high school.

Before, I even got the chance to knock on his door, it opened in front of
me, and there stood my son, in nothing but a pair of gym shorts.  I just
stood there looking at him, and realized what a beautiful man he had turned
into.  Sure I'd seen him a hundred times like this as we were going to the
beach or the pool, but I never looked at him this way, he really was
beautiful.  And then I heard,

	"Hey Dad"

I just looked at him, he had that beautiful smile on and his sapphire blue
eyes looking right at an into me, and just said,

	"Come on in, lets talk"

It was like a role reversal he was doing and saying everything I was going
to before I even had the chance to open my mouth to do it.  So I went in
and sat down on his bed, and he sat on his desk chair and we just looked at
each other, our eyes locked, and once again just as I was about to speak, I
heard him say,

	"So you finally got around to doing what you should have a long
time ago. You and Mom are going to get a divorce, and you can both finally
be happy?"

I just looked up at him with a shocked look on my face. I guess I really
didn't have to say anything, I had the question of `How the fuck do you
know all of this? written all over my face.  And he just smiled and gave a
little giggle like he did when he was a baby boy and said,

	"Oh come on, give me a little credit here, the two of you have
never been a real `married' couple. You exist and stayed together for me,
and I thank you for that.  And also I figured you'd get around to telling
me soon enough, since your real estate agent is Mike's(one of his friends)
dad. So come on, tell me where are we moving to? And it is `we' right? You
aren't going to leave without me right?"

Leave without him???  Good god the thought of that now just made me shiver.
Of course I wasn't leaving without him.  I just looked back at him, back as
his smile and eyes,

	"Oh come on Josh give me a little credit here, leave without you?
Of course I'm not leaving without you!  However, mister smart ass, the
`leaving' as you put it, is going to be a little different that you think."
Now it was his turn to have that look of shock yet curiosity.

	"I was offered a new much higher paying job out in San Diego, and
well that's where we are headed.  I know it's right in the middle of high
school and I'm taking you away from your friends but-" before I even got to
finish the sentence he put his hands over my mouth, stopped me and said,

	"Dad, it doesn't matter where we are. Here, San Diego, Russia.
Doesn't matter. Do you remember what I asked you to promise me?" I looked
at him strangely, and thought for a minute and then remembered, and
realized holy shit, he remembers that from almost 12 years ago?? "that's
right you remember, you promised me that you loved me and you'll always be
with me.  So with that, doesn't really matter where, as long as you are
with me, and I'm with you, we don't need anything else."

I just stared at him and started to cry, that's one thing I don't think he
saw coming, but he got up and just put his arms around me, kissed me on the
cheek and then whispered in my ear again,

	"I love you, no matter what, where or when, I'll always love you,
and I know you love me."

It was so comforting and so simple, words that I've needed to hear for so
many years that I never heard from anyone by my own son. Not Christine, not
any of the men I've ever slept with, just Josh.  And no matter what, it
made me feel a hundred times better, a huge weight had been lifted off of
me, life was going to change but definitely for the better.