Date: Thu, 18 Feb 2010 09:13:15 -0500 From: J K Subject: funny things happen Part 7 "Funny Things Happen" Part 7 Comments welcome at imawriter123@gmail.com As we got back on to the high-way he flipped on the radio, and for the next 5 hours we really didn't say much to each other. I think that he was in his own world maybe contemplating what was said to him, and I was just intent on trying to figure out what it was, or how it was that we were going to interact going further. He said everything was fine, and he seemed to feel that way and act that way, but I knew he could put on a good face. Truthfully I've never been able to read him, he could do it to me easily, but me him-no. As I was thinking about it, I realized that while we were both very close, I always knew where he was, or what he was doing-at least to a certain degree. We had been and still are very affectionate, there hasn't been a day or night in the past 16 years that I haven't gotten a kiss on my cheek good morning, or one before he went to bed except if he came in late and I was sleeping. I knew what sports he liked, what his favorite colors were, his favorite books – I knew it all. But at the same time, I felt that there was a lot that I didn't know. I could wonder if he was gay or not or even bi, but I could not make that judgement-not even by a long-shot because he's been dating girls. I've even met some of them, and why? Because he wanted my opinion on them. I mean how many 15 or 16 year olds ask their father his opinion on a girlfriend or whether she was worthy or not?? So no, I could not make any sort of assumption in that area. So even if I said to him, `I want to know what your story is,' really that would flat out be asking `are you gay or not' and that was something that I would not do. And in the midst of all this thought I heard him say, "Dad, what you thinking about? You aren't mad at me or upset that you told me everything are you? You haven't said a word in the last 5 hours." And I just looked at him and smiled and said, "No Josh, I'm happy that everything is now out in the open, you had a right to know everything about me, and you should now know that you can ask me anything you want, and I'll tell you. Like we said, no more secrets. I was just sitting here, thinking about you again and what a man you have grown up to be and you're only 16." "OK good, so in that case, we're here. Where's the hotel that we are staying at? We can check in and then I want to see if we can find this bar-restaurant that I looked up. It's a place on Burbon Street, supposed to be great!" I just looked at him and smiled, he was so genuine, so caring that really nothing else mattered. I told him where it was, we went and checked in, and THANK GOD they got us the right room. Two double beds with a table in the middle. At least tonight, I would be able to avoid a repeat of last night. We dropped everything off, and he was more than eager to find this restaurant, while I'm sure that it was hunger that was fueling it, it may not have been all of it. It was amazing watching him look around and scan and experience the unique culture of New Orleans-the many different walks of life that existed here. As I was looking around at the streets and what was going on-a lot of what seemed like cleaning, and then I realized what time of year it was. It was 3 days after Mardi Gras had ended, and I wondered whether he had planned it that way or not, either way the look on his face of awe and wonderment was enough for me to know that he was happy. I finally heard him say, "Dad, I found it! Right over there on the corner." I looked up to see what he was pointing to. Interesting a steak-house, that wasn't actually what I was expecting him to pick out. I thought it would have been a different type of restaurant, not sure what kind, but not a specific steak place. As we were walking closer and got to be in front of the door, I saw the unmistakable gay flag. As I looked away from the window and over to Josh, I saw one of those devilish smiles. Yep my first thought was right he had this all planned out and specifically to boot. "Well I know how much we like steak and I've heard that this is the best around , So let's go!" So we walked into the place, and I just scanned around, looked quiet, at least what was quiet for this city in the early evening. As we were led over to a table, I caught a view of Josh's face and saw that devil smile still on his face, and knew another discussion was coming, what about this time, I'm wasn't sure. So I looked at him and said, "OK smart ass, what's the deal here? I know you picked this place out more than just by reading or hearing about. " And he just looked at me with that smile and sincerity, and just melted me completely, haha I was definitely wrapped around his finger. "Well, I figured that I would get you to tell me what you did in the car, actually I was praying that you would. And now that you did, we can talk about everything else that I've wanted to but never had the ability to." Now I was actually was a bit concerned, in the sense that he felt that he couldn't talk about things. But he went on, "Dad, I've known what you told me today for quite a while, almost 2 years. And how? You are going to ask. Simple I asked mom. Haha she was easier to get things out of than you know. Yes, surprise, surprise she knew what you were doing and with who for years. And didn't care, about that or anything else really, but that's regardless at this point. I'm going to tell you what I told you earlier in the car, I don't care who you are, I love you no matter what. I just want you to be happy, and now that we're going to be living together – for real, I wanted you to know that it's going to be our house and you have every right to bring your boyfriends home to meet me, just as much as I'm going to bring the girls home to meet you. If you ask, I'll give you my opinions on them, and the same vice-versa. I want you to be as happy as possible without worrying about me-there's nothing holding you back anymore, not one thing. You will find a partner that's right for you, that is everything that you want and more. And that's that. OK I'm done." I just stared at him, I had tears in my eyes, I couldn't believe what I had just heard, out of a 16 year old no less! But I didn't have to dissect it, or ponder it. It was plain and simple he put out everything that had to be said. It was time to be happy for both of us and now there was complete and total freedom to do that, and I guess now we will. I just continued to look at him and tear and said all that I could think of at that point, "I can't express enough how proud I am to have the right and ability to call you my son. Thank you, and I love you just as much if not more." He just smiled with that beautiful smile and looked at me with those sapphire blue eyes, and at that point, everything was just perfect, too perfect. It was at that point that I realized I was in real trouble. I had already fallen in love, the lover and partner that's right for me and that is everything that I want and more is sitting at the table directly across from me. But he said it today, he's got his girls, and well that's that. I was going to have to find someone else to match him. Too bad, that even then I knew that was impossible. It was either going to be a very lonely life or one that I was going to have to find someone that was subpar, and deal with that. As I watched, Josh eat and eat like teenager that he was, he really was beautiful, mentally and physically. And as he grew I knew that he would become even more beautiful in every way possible. And as much as I wanted him, and desired him, I was going to have to hold myself at bay, because that was not the life style he wanted-at least not with a man. But difficult as it may be, just as he was there to support me I was going to do the exact same thing for him, no questions asked. We finally finished eating and left the restaurant, and walked around town, looking and watching all that was going on around us, until the king of `spunk' and ever-lasting energy finally admitted that he was tired and wanted to go back to the hotel. So, we turned around and walked back to the hotel, and the whole way, as tired as he admitted to being, he just kept on talking about what we had seen, and what we would and could have seen. We finally got into the room, he went straight to the bathroom, pissed out the beer, that I had let him have in the restaurant, brushed his teeth, then came out stripped down to his boxers and just stood there for a minute. I could feel his eyes boring in to me, but I didn't dare look up, because I know what it would do to me, and I couldn't let that happen. And then I heard him walk over, he kissed me on the cheek just like every other night of his life, said `I love you, g'nite!' crawled into opposite bed closed his eyes and went to sleep. I got up and went to the bathroom, took care of myself and then walked back out and looked down at him curled up in the covers as he slept, and marveled again, at how beautiful he really was in every possible way. And all I could think was, "God, if he only knew how and how much I loved him."