Date: Thu, 25 Feb 2010 10:27:35 -0500
From: J K <imawriter123@gmail.com>
Subject: Re: Funny things happen part 8

Comments welcome at imawriter123@gmail.com

Then again, maybe he did, he seemed to know everything else about me, this
was no different.  Should I say something?  And then I thought to myself,
no absolutely not.  He works in a way that he talks and asks when he's
ready to deal with things.  So if he did know and wanted to talk about it
he would.  I walked over to the other bed slipped in and lay on my side and
just stared at him and kept reminding myself, `you can't have him, you have
to find someone else'.  But I knew to my heart there was no one else that
would ever fit the bill of what I was looking for.  It was impossible, my
excitement and wishes of finally being able to live my life the way I
wanted to, had once again been cut off.  Maybe I really wasn't supposed to
have that ability.  Maybe my job was to simply sit back and take care and
protect things that I was involved with.  And if so, then that's what I
will do, no questions asked.

I don't remember falling asleep but the next thing I knew I was being
shaken awake and being told to get my ass into the shower if we want to get
to San Antonio today. I opened my eyes and once again saw the most
beautiful creature standing above me, with a bright smile on his face, and
I just stared at him and asked,

	"what the hell time is it?  He just looked at me and said,

	"6:15, sleepy head now get your ass out of bed, San Antonio is at
least 8 hours from here."

I slowly opened my eyes and arose out of bed, and just sat there for a
minute attempting to regain full consciousness, and looked to my right to
see him sill standing there wearing just a pair of boxers, with his hands
on his hips.  I slowly looked up further admiring his well defined chest,
and finally reaching his smiling face, I all of a sudden felt a stirring in
my own boxers, and before even thinking twice I jumped out of bed and ran
to the bathroom.  I'm sure that he saw my dick, you couldn't have missed
it, was standing straight out of my boxers.  But I did have a saving grace
to that, it was normal good old morning wood, which to a degree it was, but
it was also very much a reaction from looking at him.  Oh what's the
difference at this point, he's seen me naked, seen me with a hard-on hell
he's seen me jerking off, yesterday for that matter!

I jumped into the shower, and truthfully I knew I had to get rid of this
hard on and the only way to do that was to just jerk off and cum, and then
get going.  Except this time, I made sure that my eyes were wide open,
watching the door to see if it opened, I had a yearning for it to open, and
at the same time, a fear that it would.  Fear that he'd come in see me
doing it, and maybe realize what it was that I was picturing in my mind,
then again, how bad could that be?  The possibility of having the one
person that I wanted in life know that I felt that way and even have the
same feelings back?  Haha, what a joke, now even I was being delirious, but
I did realize one thing as I was shooting my load – Maybe this was all
multiplied by the fact that I haven't had sex in almost a week, and I was
horny as fucking hell. I needed to fuck and get fucked SOON.  That would
definitely help with my situation – not solve it, but definitely help.
This road trip was going to have to end a lot sooner than I think he
planned on.  A selfish decision? Maybe, but also a much safer one, I needed
to take this stress out on someone or something or in some way.

After I jumped out of the shower and started to towel off, then he walked
in, fully dressed (thankfully), came over gave me a kiss on the cheek and
just looked straight in to my eyes and said to me,

	"Dad, you ok? You seem lost."

Good god, this was sick he really could see right through me.  I often
wonder where he got that ability.  I know I certainly can't do it with him,
and to my knowledge his mother was never able to do it, then again that was
no surprise, it's not as if I paid that much attention to her to begin with
over the years.  So I probably would not have picked up on it anyway.  But
this kid just saw right through me, and I just responded back,

	"Yep perfectly fine.  But, you're right we definitely have a long
drive ahead of us today, so let me get dressed and we'll grab a quick
breakfast and hit the road."  He gave me one of those million dollar
smiles, kissed me on the cheek again, said OK and left the bathroom.  I
literally had to walk over to the counter and hold myself up, he melted me
every time and it was getting worse and worse.  I quickly regained my
composure, walked out of the bathroom got dressed and we headed back to the
car to get on the road once again.

Again just like after we talked in the car the first time, there was a very
strange and awkward silence in the car. Not an absolute silence since we
had the radio going and all, but neither of us was talking or even looking
at each other.  Every so often I looked over to the passenger side, and
just got a quick glimpse of his face, as always he had one of those
`signature' Josh smiles on.  I just wished I had even for a minute the
ability to see into his mind, see and hear what it was that he was
thinking.  What was running through his head right now?  Was he just
contemplating a new life? Wondering about mine, and or what we talked
about?  I had no idea.  But on the same token I was not liking this
silence, it was too quiet to strange-it was a way that we never usually
were.  When we were together one of us was always talking about something.
Could just be bullshit stuff, but we were talking, this silence thing was
driving me insane!  So finally I said,

	"Everything ok son?  You're so quiet today." And he looked at me
smiled, and said,

	"Yep I'm good, just in one of my thinking moods today.  I'm trying
to figure out whether it's worth even doing anything in San Antonio, or
just going as far as we can, sleep and then get going again. What do you
think?"

Good god, you see, this is exactly what drove me nuts.  It wasn't in the
same words, and not in the same context-but it was if he was reading my
mind from this morning.  Cut the road trip short and get there as soon as
possible.  Well, if he was offering that option, then I was definitely
going to take him up on it. So I said,

	"Well if you would rather just drive straight through then sure.
Although truthfully after you hit San Antonio, there isn't much left in
Texas going west, so I say lets hit that and then after that go straight to
Tucson, and then hit San Diego, so it's really only another 3 days and we
should be there. "  He just looked at me and smiled again and said,

	"Dad, I'm not worried about that, could be another 10 days, you
know I love spending time with you – even if it's in a car. I'm just
excited about finding a house for us.  Will be sooo much fun, although may
I make a note now – let me choose most of the furniture, your taste on
things is, um, let's say not as fun as it could be."

I could see the little devil in his eyes again-I took that as a good thing
to some degree, but was there an alterior motive?  I'm sure there was, but
I didn't care.  He could do anything he wanted and he knew that, so I just
said,

	"Sure it's all yours, just remember that I don't have unlimited
funds on the credit card."  He just looked and laughed at me.

	"Dad give me a break, I'm not going to bankrupt us.  And anyway I
saw what you're going to be making now, I promise that you'll be able to
afford it, and even some more cash on the side for me.  I hear San Diego is
more expensive than Miami."

He was just too much, knew too much, thought too much, really as I had said
before just too smart for his own good.  But in all honestly, he knows that
I'd give him anything he asked for, and what's the reason for that?  Not
because I'm easy or a push-over, but because he's an adult and knows
limits, and would never jeopardize the relationship that we have.  I wonder
if there is someone else out there like him?  I was definitely going to be
looking, and looking hard.  But even after that conversation we just drove
on once again in silence.

At that point, even saying what he did and I know that he meant it, I think
we both realized that this road trip was wearing on us both.  Being in a
car for 12 hours straight day after day takes its toll on you, and you just
want to be finished with it already.  As we drove on the continued silence
was starting to hurt me, I don't know why, but for some reason I felt that
there was something that was very wrong, that he wasn't telling me
something.  He was just too silent and too withdrawn for everything to just
be OK.  So this time I decided that I would ask him, and said,

	"Josh, tell me what's wrong.  What's bothering you?  And don't tell
me nothing.  I may be daft at times, but I am your father and I've around
you enough to know when something is right and when it's not.  So what's
the matter?"  He just sat there, not turning his head, just kept looking
straight ahead out the windshield.  Now I knew I was right, something was
definitely wrong.  Very wrong.  At this point I pulled off the highway,
stopped the car and looked directly at the side of his face, I wanted to
turn his head to me but on the same token I didn't want to push anything
and just said,

	"Josh, please tell me what's wrong.  Why are you so upset? What
happened??"

He just refused to even look at me and turned his head to look out the side
door window, and that's when I saw in the mirror tears streaming down his
face, and I just thought Oh fuck, what now, he couldn't take me telling him
everything, It was too much for him Shit!  I went to take his left hand in
mine and just hold it to try and give some sort of comfort, but before I
even had the chance to grip it, he had undone his seatbelt and jumped out
of the car.  I had absolutely NO idea what happened, I was totally lost and
confused here.  I myself literally jumped out of the car and ran to him.
He tried to run from me, but this time I wasn't letting that happen, and I
did something that I never had in my life before – I grabbed his arm and
pulled him back to me forcefully and said to him,

	"Joshua talk to me! What the fuck is wrong? What happened?? " He
finally turned and looked at me with his blood shot eyes and tear stained
face and just started bawling.  He finally looked up at me and in the
middle of each sob said,

	"Daddy, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I've pried into so much of your
life.  Looked at so many of your things, spied on you all this time, I had
no right to do any of that.  I don't know why you even put up with someone
like me that has invaded your privacy.  You just stand there and take it,
and say it's OK, but I don't have a right to it.  Why don't you get mad at
me? When I've done the wrong things, or made the wrong decision about
something, you never punished me, never took anything away from me.  Why?
What is so different about me that you treated me differently than all my
friends? What's wrong with me?"

I could not believe what I was hearing.  None of this made any sense to me
at all! I didn't know what tripped or caused this.  I just couldn't
understand what or why he was saying what he was.  All I could do was look
at him, with tears in my own eyes say,

	"Good god Josh there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you.  I don't
care about any of that.  Hell I'm HAPPY that you did it.  You got to learn
about me, what I was too chicken to tell you.  All your life you've told me
about everything from start to finish, never held a thing back.  And I did
not do the same, I just figured that you were too young to be able to
understand any of it yet.  But look how wrong I was!  You understood, and
understand it quite honestly it would seem you understand it much clearer
than I do.  And the rest?? For would I have to punish or get mad at you
for??? For skipping class a few times? Give me a break, you're a teenager.
Josh, do you think I don't know about your stash of weed? Haven't you
wondered, why one night the bag is almost empty and 2 nights later its half
full again?  You're a teenager, you're supposed to do that.  I did it.  But
do you want to know why I never `punished' you or taken things away from
you?  It's very simple, there was no reason to.  You are an adult in a
teenager's body.  You act like an adult, you think like an adult, you speak
like an adult.  You are more mature than any person that I know at your
age.  Hell you're more mature than a lot of people that I know are my age.
I trust you more than I trust anyone else.  There is NOTHING wrong with
you.  I love you more than you could ever imagine, I am proud and honored,
to have you as my son, hell I'm the one that should be crying about the
fact that I don't deserve you."

He looked at me finally with a smile on his face and just lay his head on
my chest, and finally started to calm down. But what I still couldn't
understand was, what brought this on? So I said to him,

	"Josh, tell me what brought this on?  What made you think like this
all of a sudden?"  He again just looked at me with such a beautiful face,
and those incredible eyes and just said,

	"I don't know, for some reason I started thinking about it, and
realized all of those things and didn't understand them.  But I do now. And
Dad I love you so much and I too am very proud to be your son."

That answer seemed to simple and too quick but I took it and left it at
that, decided that it was not worth pushing the issue any further.  We sat
against the car along the side of the road for quite some time, until
finally he jumped up ran around the side of the car and into the driver's
side and with that signature smile said,

	" Come on old man, get your ass in the car now!"

So I jumped in and we sped off to San Antonio.  But there was something
that still bothered me. He was too strong of a person to just break-down
like that, there was something that he wasn't saying, that he was hiding.
I wanted to know what it was, but I also was not ready to drag it out of
him just yet.