Date: Sat, 16 Dec 2023 22:26:47 -0800 From: Jay Spear Subject: Giving Thanks For My Brother - Part 9 My stories are fiction and intended for readers 18 and up. All characters are assumed to be legal, consenting adults. This story deals with relationships among male family members. If that fantasy bothers you, stop reading. If you like this story, check out my Patreon! Lots more content there: patreon.com/jayspearstories The Nifty Archive has been a fantastic resource to all of us! Please consider supporting them with a donation: https://donate.nifty.org/. Giving Thanks For My Brother - Part 9 By Jay Spear The weeks rolled on. I went to work, stuck with boring research for Dowdy Linda in the genetics division that Steve had exiled me to. And I came home to my depressing little apartment each night. It was tiny, with terrible light; every window opened up to brick walls. Work, home. Work, home. These were the only places I went, and I don't know which of them was the more depressing one. Every few weeks I had my primary social outing: pre-natal check ups at the clinic. I actually treasured these. In the past year Dr. Ramos had transitioned his obstetrics practice into one of the few clinics in the country with expertise in male pregnancy and birth issues: we were now 65% of his practice. It was a relief to talk with Dr. Ramos. He had seen it all and could to tell me what to expect. Best of all, he did it without judgment. And in Dr. Ramos's waiting room I met my peers: other dudes also in a family way. Most had husbands or partners. But even they were hungry for the kinship of fellow travelers on this strange path. We made friends fast. These check ups were my social time, my lifeline. I threw myself into the conversations connection. Which is probably why Ryan was standing over me before I even noticed that he was there. I was mid-sentence with Terrence but I stopped immediately. I was tongue-tied. I didn't expect to see Ryan at all, let alone to find him here at the clinic. "Uh, Kevin?" he prompted. I stared with my mouth hanging open. Eventually my brain clicked back on and I pushed out some words. "Ryan. Ryan! My God, wow. What are you doing here?" "Mom told me this was your clinic, and that you came on Wednesdays. So I've been sitting in that corner for an hour. Just waiting until I saw you." "Oh wow. Sorry you were waiting like that. I was busy talking to--" "Terrence." He extended his hand to Ryan, who gave it a firm handshake. "Charmed, I'm sure." Terrence raised an eyebrow at me and mouthed, "Who is this?" I shot daggers at him and turned to face Ryan. "What's going on Ry? Is everything OK? Is something wrong with Mom and Dad?" "No, no. Nothing like that." "Good." "Then--" "I--" "You go." "No, you." "*One* of you go," Terrence drawled, "the suspense is killing me!" "Shut up, Terrence," I hissed. "Can you give us a moment?" Ryan asked. "Sure, sure." Terrence gathered up his things with a dramatic flourish. "Anything for the father." The color drained from Ryan's face. Terrence cackled with delight now that his suspicion was confirmed. He shot me a wicked smile and left us to talk. "Who was that?" "A friend. Just another pregnant guy. His husband is a high powered lawyer and never comes to these appointments, so he and I hang out." I shrugged. "This is my community these days." "It's good to have people around you, I guess." "I don't, Ryan. This is just chit chat. I'm fundamentally alone." "I know, I... Look. Mom has filled me in on things with you. And I told her I wouldn't let you go through this by yourself." "Because Mom asked?" "No! I mean, she did, but that's not why. I'm here because I want to be." "Uh huh." "Kevin Riordan!" "They're calling me. I have to go." "But we... Look, I'll come up with you." "I can talk with you after. If that's what you want." I gathered up my things. "Riordan!" "Coming!" I stood up. "Jesus," I muttered, and I began walking. "I'm coming too," Ryan called out. "Patients and partners only," Nurse Emily yelled with a scowl. "I'm the father," Ryan declared. Nurse Emily raised an eyebrow but lowered her clipboard motioned for him to follow too. I sighed. "I knew it!" Terrence called out from the far end of the waiting room. *** After the appointment Ryan walked me to car. He bounced with giddiness. "WOW! Wasn't that amazing to see?" "What?" "The ultrasound! The movement, the kicking. The baby's little dick. We're gonna have a boy." "I know. I see this every checkup." "I'm sorry, it's just that it's still new too me. Aren't you excited?" he asked, grabbing my hand. I looked down at it, his hand on mine. Ryan followed my gaze and saw our hands together. He let go. "Sorry." "Yeah." "Look, I should get home." "OK. But can I follow you? I want to see where you're living." "Why do you care?" "Because my baby is going to be born there. Well, not born *there.* But he *will* live there. I want to make sure it's all OK." The baby, of course. "Fine. Follow me. And here, give me your phone." I punched in my address so he could use his GPS if we got separated. And then he was following me home. I tried to not feel anything about it. But there was something reassuring about seeing Ryan's headlights in my rearview mirror. Like someone was looking out for me. I shut off the car and pulled my coat around me as I got out. It was early October and things were already chilly. Ryan met me at the entrance and pulled out the door. "Get ready," I warned him. "It's a fifth floor walk-up." "You're kidding." "Nope." "Oh my god. OK." And we began walking. I was slow in my current state. I took each movement deliberately, tested that each step would hold my extra weight. Most of them creaked anyway. Ryan put out a hand to steady me. "I'm fine," I told him. "I don't believe you," he countered. "Just hang on to my arm." Ryan walked me up the stairs like that, with us arm in arm. It did help me to go faster and steadier, even though it killed me to admit it. I turned on the lights. "So this is the place." Ryan looked around and took everything in. I knew it wouldn't take him long. I sunk into the couch to catch my breath. In these later months of the pregnancy I frequently found myself getting winded. Ryan walked though the three small rooms, surveying each. "You're gonna need a lot of baby proofing," he told me. "I'll start a list." "There's time." "Not much. Remember how crazy things were when I brought Sean home? We'll want to get as much done ahead of time as we can." He looked at me. "Can I make you some tea?" "Tea? Uh yeah, that would be really nice." Ryan filled the kettle and rummaged through the cupboards. He selected mugs, opened up the tea packets, and set out the milk. When the water boiled, he filled the cups and set a timer. We both stated quiet as he went about his work. But I enjoyed watching it, noting the care he took with everything. "Here you go." Ryan placed a mug in front of me and put one down for him at the other end of the coffee table. He took a seat in the side chair. "Are your appointments at this same time every week?" "Usually. Sometimes they move it around." "Well, text me the schedule and I'll put everything into my calendar." "Why? Are you doing this now?" "Doing what?" "I don't know. Making plans with me. Are we parenting together? Are we resuming... ?" "No. I don't think we can go back to what it was. Not after the way everything happened." "You're still angry." "No." He shook his head. "I *was* angry. For a long time. But I don't want to hang on to that." "OK." "And regardless of how I feel, I don't want to lose my kid. Or my only brother. So that means I'm in your lives." "As what?" "As a brother. As an uncle. As a father." My heart cried out for him to say lover, partner. Whatever we had been to each other, whatever we were before this all happened and I blew everything up with a bunch of pills and a stupid heart. But I knew better than to ask for that. "OK." "So that's the deal. No more silent treatment, on either side. That's not good for us. Or the kid. We have to make things work. For his sake." "Yeah, OK." "OK, you little shit. That's better." He flashed me a smile, and for a few minutes it felt like old times. We talked and laughed. We finished our tea. "I should get going." Ryan set down his mug. "OK." "I'll come back on Saturday and do some baby-proofing." "Yeah, OK." "Kevin." His voice sounded serious. "Come here." I stepped forward and he pulled me into a hug. "Today was great. To see our little guy on that screen...oh man. I know the last time we talked about this there was only anger. But today, today I feel happy." He squeezed me hard. "I hope you're happy too." "I am." I felt his arms around me and I took his familiar scent deep into my nostrils. In that moment anyway, I even believed it too. *** Ryan came over on Saturday, as promised. He spent an hour and-a-half baby proofing. He moved furniture around so I wouldn't trip when I had the baby in hand, he threw out anything with sharp edges, and he plugged up any open wall sockets. "The kid won't even be able to crawl for several months. All this could have waited!" I protested. "No way," he said. "I want to take care of things now. You'll be too tired to do it when the baby comes." I sighed and let him fuss his way around the house. While I thought it was overkill, I did appreciate how seriously he was taking things, how he was now showing interest in the baby. Our baby. Did I dare hope this would mean he'd be there--for the little guy, if not for me? "I don't like the look of that flooring in the bathroom." "It's ugly, for sure." "That's not what I mean, Kev. I worry about mold underneath. Can I pull it up to check?" "This is a rental, I'm not sure it's worth--" "Mold can make the air quality bad and get the baby sick. Or you. I'm gonna check." He ripped up a chunk of linoleum in the corner. I tried to ignore the bulge of his arm muscles as he worked on it. "Yeah, just as I thought. We should replace it." "I can tell the landlord." "Nah. He'll dick around about it. Come up with a hundred reasons not to fix it. I'll do it myself. That way we can be sure it's done before the baby comes. It's a small space, shouldn't cost too much. I'll take care of it." "If you're sure." "Yeah. I'll look at some samples this week and text you the options." "Thanks." "OK, I should go." "Thank you. Really. For all of this." "Absolutely, bro. I'm in this with you." He gave me a hug and we held on together for a long time. I tried to ignore the smell of him. The nostalgia risked turning a happy moment into a painful one. "See you next weekend?" "Sure, great." *** Ryan texted pics of some flooring samples the next day. I gave him my thoughts. "They're all awful." "They're fine. Better than you and the baby ending up with black lung." "I'm not so sure." "OK, I'll go to another store. Good thing you're my only brother, otherwise I'd tell you to go fuck yourself." "That's all I'm doing these days anyway." He sent back a laughing emoji and then an eggplant and a hand. I sent him a middle finger. "Sorry if that pretty ass is going untouched, but you've got responsibilities now." Baby emoji. I texted back a shock emoji, then a halo. He laughed in response. It felt like old times. *** Ryan messaged me with more samples on Tuesday and I picked one. "Of course," he wrote back. "You picked the one at full price. Little bro and his expensive tastes." "Nothing should be too good for your kid, right?" I teased. "Touché." We continued texting for longer than necessary. "OK, Kev. I've gotta get back to work. Talk later." "Cool." I sent back a smiling-kiss emoji and instantly regretted it. But two minutes later he sent back the same one in response. I sighed with relief. *** On Saturday I watched Ryan's back and shoulder muscles flex as he pried up the floor. He scraped up the old glue and smoothed out the floor beneath. He had to use solvents to get the old glue to release and the room was filled with fumes. I opened a window. This was hard work and it took a couple hours. Ryan was covered in sweat by the end. It was getting dark. "I can come back tomorrow to lay in the new stuff. I want everything to dry first. And I'd rather do it in the daylight." "Makes sense. Are you hungry?" "Yeah." "I can make some pasta." "Sure, that would be nice. I'll text Jenna that I'll be late." "You can clean up if you want. Take a shower. There's an extra towel on the rack." "Thanks, Kev." I cooked up some pasta while I listened to the shower run. It felt nice to be cooking for someone. A kind of domesticity that I had missed. I heard loud footsteps from Ryan's lumbering gait. "Smells good!" I turned around to find him in a towel, the curls of his hair still damp. I swallowed hard as I looked at the body I had touched so many times. "Can I taste?" Ryan asked. No, can *I* taste? I thought to myself. But I held it back. I nodded my approval for him to taste the sauce. He grabbed a spoon. "Wow! That's great!" "New recipe," I told him. We stared at at each other for a long minute. "You've got some sauce--" "Where?" I brought my finger to his upper lip and wiped it off. "Thanks." I wanted to follow with my lips, kiss him, pull him into a hug. But I held it back. "You comfortable with all this?" I struggled for words. No. I was not comfortable with this, being around him. Not comfortable with him half-naked in the kitchen when all I wanted was to rip the towel off. To go down on my knees and take him in my mouth. He stepped forward and put his hand on my belly. "Does it hurt?" "No. But it's uncomfortable sometimes. If he's restless. Kicking." "Is he kicking now?" I took his hand and moved it lower on my belly. I held it there. The baby kicked. "Wow!" He smiled. "This is really happening. You're going to have my baby." I nodded. "Our baby." Ryan pulled me close and I buried my head in his damp chest. He put his arms around my waist and we swayed a little. I worried that I'd get hard. I wondered if he would. Ryan pulled his head back to look at me. "This is all going to be fine. You've got your family around you." Family. That would have to be enough. *** Ryan got dressed and we had dinner without incident. Conversation flowed free and natural, and he stayed to help with the dishes. "See you tomorrow?" "Yep." He gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Good night, Kev." "Good night, Ry. And thanks." "Of course." Maybe this would be all right. *** Ryan came back the next day and put in the floor. He stayed for another hour after that, talking and laughing and hanging out. Before he left he said, "I'll come back next week. The window sill in the bedroom is cracked. It's going to be drafty in the winter. I can fix that." And he did. The next weeks held a series of weekday text exchanges. Plans for house repairs, but jokes too. Memes. Pictures of Sean. Complaints about Jenna. My bitching about my changed job. On weekends Ryan made trips to the hardware store and then to my apartment. Each repair led to him finding some new thing to fix. I was grateful for the help with the house, but I was even more grateful for the time together. I had my brother again. We slipped back into the easy comfort we had had before. There was tension sometimes. Looks that went on too long. Touches that lingered. But maybe I imagined it. I tried not to fall back into my feelings for him. I certainly didn't do anything about it. I had fucked that up before. I didn't want to lose him again. *** By Thanksgiving we were almost back to normal, which was a huge relief. Not kissing-and-fucking normal, but our brother bond was kind of back to where it had been. We said I love you; we hugged and kissed goodbye. "So we're really doing this? Like together somehow?" "Yeah." He put his hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eyes. "What have you told Mom and Dad?" "Just that I agreed to test the meds from a safety standpoint. And then I fucked it up when I had a one night stand. That way they understand why there's no father in the picture." "Makes sense. And that works for us too. Of course I'd be involved as an uncle. Helping you, supporting you. So you're not all alone." "Even though I am." "You're not, little bro." He squeezed my hand. "Really, you're not." *** And so by Thanksgiving we had settled into a good place. We went back home. Ate too much turkey. The Saturday after, Mom and Dad went out to get the tree. Jenna was out shopping for Christmas gifts. She asked us to come but I begged off. I was big and uncomfortable, so I just wanted to stay and chill on the couch. Ryan volunteered to keep me company. "You know I hate shopping, babe," he said. "We'll start our `Die Hard' marathon." "You boys and those movies!" "It's tradition, Jenna. You know that!" Ryan queued up the first movie and we settled into the couch. I spread out a blanket across me. "Hey, share the love," Ryan admonished, pulling some of the blanket across his body too. "Dad keeps the house so fucking cold." "He's too cheap to heat it." "It's an old house, it's not very efficient to heat it well. Besides, the blanket is fine." "Yeah." It felt good to snuggle under the blanket together, even if we weren't touching. I was warm and cozy and I started to drift off. "You can lean on me if you want," Ryan said. "Thanks." I shifted and laid my head against his shoulder. Ryan put his arm around me and let his hand rest on my chest. I laid my head on his pec. "I can feel your heart beating," he whispered. "I can hear yours." He squeezed me and we watched, with me drifting in and out, waking up to gunshots and explosions from time to time. "Best Christmas movie ever," Ryan declared when the credits rolled. I stretched and raised myself out of our tangle. It felt good, but my neck and shoulder had gotten sore. I cracked my neck. "Maybe I'll name the kid Gruber." "The fuck you will!" "That's a crazy name. He'll be teased mercilessly at school. Goober. Boober." "OK, Hans then. Sounds more dignified." "Hell no. You're not naming my kid after a villain." "Alan Rickman is a bad ass. It's a good homage." "Bruce would make a lot more sense." "Nobody is named Bruce anymore." "Absolutely not Hans. Or Gruber. Or anything else like that. I get veto power." "The fuck you do." I slugged him on the shoulder. "Oh-ho!" he smiled. "You don't want to test me, bro." He put me in a headlock. "You know I always win." "Not true." I broke free and gave him a shove. "I give as good as I take." "Not in your condition." "I've still got it." I lunged at him and we were wrestling. Playfully, then earnestly, struggling for control. We rolled into the floor and he paused. "Are you OK? This won't hurt the baby?" "It's fine." "Then you're dead," he declared. He rolled me over and tried to pin me. I wriggled out of his grasp and rolled on top of him, straddling his waist and holding his shoulders to the floor. "No fair. You've got extra weight to use against me." "Life's not fair, big bro. I think we both know that by now." He pushed me off of him and we struggled on the floor. It didn't take long for him to pin me again. I struggled to break free, but Ryan was stronger and he held me down. I could feel his cock swelling against his pants where his crotch met mine. I was hard too. His eyes lit up. Then he kissed me. He pulled back and saw my surprise. He grinned and then kissed me again. "I've missed this." "Me too." He pressed his weight against my lower half, taking care not to press my belly. We kissed and he ground his crotch into me. "Feels so good," he declared. I moaned. We lost ourselves in kissing and dry humping for several minutes and then he paused to lift up my shirt. "Can I?" he asked. I nodded. He began kissing my belly. Ryan went slow and explored its big curve, running his lips across my soft skin. He pulled my shirt up and off, the stripped his off too. We lay together, skin-on-skin. We resumed kissin, letting our mouths get reacquainted as we pressed our bodies together. We took it soft and slow but our cocks raged in our pants. I was dying to let them out, but I didn't want to push too far. He reached down for my zipper. "Is this OK?" "More than OK." Ryan grinned and fished out my cock, taking it in his hand and stroking its length. He lowered his head and took me in his mouth, treating me to a slow, sensuous blowjob. I squirmed. I hadn't been touched like this in months. Ryan pulled off my pants, then his, and he flipped around so we could both suck each other. I took him into my mouth. God, his taste. Salty pre-cum trickling from the head and running down my throat. The smell of his skin. The tickle of his pubes. I took him deep into my mouth, making love to his member, savoring the familiar feeling of his cock. The cock that had impregnated me. The feelings built up quickly. He pulled back. "You've got me about to blow, Kev." "You can. I'd love it." "Me too. Only--" "What?" "Seems a shame to waste it in your mouth. Can I?" "I thought you'd never ask." He scooted back around to my lower half. He raised his legs and tongued my hole. I was so turned on, and it opened right up to him. "You remember how to do this?" "Remind me." He spit on his cock and pressed it gently against my hole. "It's OK. Put it in." He watched my face as he pushed into me. My eyes widened with his entry and then they rolled back in my head. "Feel good?" "Yeah. Amazing." "Good. For me too." He began to move. Gentle but serious thrusts, pushing into me as the walls of my ass tightened around him. I wanted to never let him go. We moved together, him thrusting and me responding. Our familiar rhythm took over. It felt so right, so natural. Doing what we had done for years. What I hoped we'd always do together. "Oh, Kevin. This is...fuck, this is intense. I know we've fought about this, but really, it's so hot seeing you all pregged up with my baby." "I love it," I told him. "I love that I'm going to have your baby." Just saying it took him over the edge. He grunted and began unloading in me. Feeling him shoot inside me was too much. I exploded too, spraying his chest with jets of cum. It soaked his chest hair and I ran my fingers through it. "Jesus," he shuddered. "That was intense." He began moving again. "Seeing you cum like that..." he thrust a couple more times and then jetted a second load into me. I could feel it sloshing around my insides. He collapsed on top of me, taking care not to press my stomach too hard. We turned our heads toward each other and kissed lazily until his cock softened and plopped out. "I hate that part," I told him. "Me too." He ran his hands over my naked body, his touch praising the curves that often felt alien to me, but right now felt utterly perfect. "We're gonna have a baby," he whispered. "You and me." I smiled. "I wouldn't have planned it, Kev. But right now I'm the happiest man in the world." I was too. *** Maybe it was because we were back home, on familiar territory. Or maybe enough time had passed to start healing the wounds of betrayal, and let joy and hope take over. Maybe it was simply the holiday spirit. But damn it, Ryan and I were back to together. We fucked all weekend, stealing every moment for ourselves that we could. Locking ourselves together in the bathroom with rushing water to cover up the grunts and sighs. Pretending to sort through our old junk in the attic. Fooling around in the car when we ran out to the grocery store. We almost got caught a dozen times but it was fucking worth it. It had been so many long months since we touched each other like that. We were determined to catch up. Our relationship out of the bedroom shifted too. In the weeks prior to Thanksgiving, Ryan had been concerned and helpful as I prepared for the baby, but now he played the part of Proud Papa. He slung an arm around me and happily proclaimed "My brother is having a baby!" to all the neighbors, the shopkeepers. "Don't make such a big deal of it," I warned him. "I love your enthusiasm but it's starting to go beyond `uncle' level." "That's because I'm the dad," he whispered into my neck. "And I love it. I love you." We left Thanksgiving week with things between us not just patched up, but totally on fire. It was like we were discovering each other again. Ryan came over almost every night. "Isn't Jenna getting pissed?" "I told her that I need to check in on you, since you're over here all alone. Besides I don't care." "I don't want to piss off Jenna." "Move back in with us. Then she can't bitch about me being away. And we can see each other a lot more. I'll kiss you awake every morning." "C'mon Ry, be serious. Your place is too small for three adults and two babies. Besides, after Sean came, my room became the couch. Remember?" He sighed. "I wish I could move you into our room. The three of us sharing a bed. I want to wake up with you every day." "We can put the new baby in the nursery with Sean. So he can grow up with his brother." "Sounds pretty nice, doesn't it?" It was a pipe dream, but it did sound perfect. *** It was just a few weeks to Christmas and Ryan and Jenna drove me down to Mom and Dad's. It was good to be back in the old house. Ry and I fucked on our old bed. Two days after Christmas I was all cramped up. "Must be all the leftovers," I moaned. "Or maybe the baby's coming early," Ryan said with concern. I put a hand on my stomach. "He has been kicking a lot today." "Let's get you checked out." Ryan drove me to the hospital and held my hand in the waiting room. The doctor saw me, prodded my belly and ran an ultrasound, and announced I was going to be a father later today. He ran off to order the C-section. I looked at Ryan with fear in my eyes. He squeezed my hand. "Yippe-kay-yay, motherfucker!" He said with a grin. "Let's do this." Ryan waited outside the operating room to get the news and his was the first face I saw when I came to. "Hey," he said softly. He squeezed my hand. "You did it. We have a baby boy." I smiled. "McClane. His name is McClane." Ryan looked confused for a moment and then a smile broke out across his face. "You know what? That's fucking perfect." A nurse came in and handed the baby to me. I held him to me and we breathed together, everything all warm and soft. Ryan stroked the soft skin of the baby's hand and we watched McClane wrap his tiny fist around one of Ryan's fingers. "He wants his dad," I said. "Both of us." Ryan climbed up on the recovery bed and the three of us, our new little family, held onto each other and breathed together in the golden, late afternoon light. *** EPILOGUE Ryan's place was too small for all of us, but I went over daily. Or sometimes, he and Jenna and Sean came to me. And sometimes Ryan came alone and we had some time alone together while McClane slept. It was about as good as I could imagine. And then one day Ryan came over with some news. "Dad and Mom are gonna do it. They're retiring to Florida." "Good for them! They've talked about it for years." "Yeah. That asshole is going to be golfing every day. And Mom will have a whole new crowd to gossip with." We laughed. "Are they going to sell the house?" I asked. I couldn't imagine holidays in Florida. Christmas with palm trees? No fucking way. "No. I'm going to take it. We both are." I looked at him with surprise. "What?" "You know how I've been helping Dad work on the house the past two years?" "Yeah. That one hundred year old dump needs a lot of TLC." "I've been fixing it up. For us. There's plenty of room. We can all live together. You, me, Jenna, and the boys. I want them to grow up together. But more than that, I want us to be together. Always." "I'll need a new job." "Obviously. Although your primary job will be my morning blow jobs." "And some nighttime fucks." "Sounds pretty good to me." Ryan grinned and pulled me in for a tight hug. "Only thing is, I get the big room." "The hell you do." I playfully punched him in the arm. "Wrestle for it?" "Deal." He grinned a big wide grin and then we were rolling on the floor. Fighting gave way to kissing, our clothes came off, and then we were fucking. As we always did. As we always would do. END