Date: Tue, 18 Sep 2007 16:35:50 -0500 From: Morris Henderson Subject: Grandson's Education NOTE: If you are offended by descriptions of sexual activities between a man and a boy who are related or if it is illegal for you to read such material, leave now. Chapter 1 -- Prelude Jerry Knowland was an extremely successful executive in a regional bank whose branches spread across the state. When the current president announced his retirement, it was generally agreed that Jerry would succeed him as president of the bank. Several of the Board Members had privately assured him of his promotion. Jerry was, of course, thrilled by the prospect. It would be the culmination of his career and, at age 54, he could expect at least another decade of increasing influence in the community, considerably more income, and the chance to implement changes in the bank to make it more competitive. But two events would change all of that. Jerry's wife of more than 30 years was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer and given six months to live. Although their love for each other withered years ago, Jerry, out of compassion and duty, devoted more time to caring for her and less time on his many responsibilities at the bank. His distraction and frequent absence from the office left him out of the loop, which resulted in being completely blind-sided by the second disaster. The event that sealed Jerry's fate was a bid from a much larger bank to acquire Jerry's bank. The Board saw the offer as irresistable and, after a short period of negotiation, consented to the deal. Upon Jerry's wife's death, the new owners of the bank offered Jerry a job at their headquarters. The job was a good one but not one that Jerry would enjoy so he negotiated a lucrative severance package and took an early retirement. What no one at the bank or in the community knew was that Jerry, after the initial disappointment of a premature end to his career, welcomed the turn of events for two reasons. First, he was free from the increasingly onerous demands of his job. With ample money, he could finally begin to enjoy doing what he liked: travel, fishing, and painting. Second, he was free from a "marriage of convenience." He had married young partly in the futile hope that it would "cure" his attraction to men but mostly on the theory that a traditional marriage was essential to career advancement and acceptance in the community. His wife was, in fact, a distinct advantage to his career--she was the amiable hostess and supportive of Jerry's dedication to his job--but his attraction to men only increased. While he had no gay experiences after early experimentation in high school and a brief relationship in college, his fantasies--even when having sex with his wife--always included men. Jerry had one daughter and one grandson, both of whom he adored. His son-in-law was killed in a freak accident on a construction site when Kevin, Jerry's grandson, was only three. Jerry became a substitute father for Kevin and thoroughly enjoyed playing with him as a child, taking him to ball games and movies, fishing, and generally being the primary adult male in his life. Their bond only deepened as Kevin grew into a bright, athletic pre-teen. Kevin was, in effect, the son Jerry never had and he relished being the substitute father. In the first summer of Jerry's early retirement, Kevin was 15. Jerry convinced his daughter to let Kevin travel with him on a camping and fishing trip for a week or so. She was initially reluctant to part with her only child for so long but eventually yielded to the argument that Kevin would enjoy it and that it was, perhaps, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. The following year, Kevin would be 16, have a car, a summer job, and probably a girlfriend. That would virtually preclude another opportunity to take a vacation together. The experience, Jerry argued, would add a new dimension to Kevin's education. Kevin excelled academically but lacked exposure to anything beyond 50 miles from home. That argument seemed to clinch the deal and she reluctantly agreed. No one knew at the time, however, the startling direction that Kevin's education would take. If Jerry had the barest inkling of what would happen between he and his grandson, he would not have suggested the plan. Kevin was elated when asked if he would like to go on the trip. He cherished the times that he spent with his grandpa and that, more than the prospect of vacation travel, delighted him. Jerry also looked forward to an extended vacation camping fishing, hiking, and generally enjoying his escape from the corporate rat race. That he would have his grandson as company only added to the allure of the trip. Kevin's excitment grew as the day of departure neared. His exuberance even wore on his mother to the point where she was impatient for the time when Kevin would not be bouncing around the house and bombarding her with complaints that he couldn't wait. Grandpa had bought Kevin camping and fishing gear and a small wardrobe of appropriate clothing. His mother's contribution was a cell phone and a pleading request that he phone home at least twice a week. Kevin initially objected but, at his grandpa's urging, promised to comply. At dawn one morning in late July, Jerry packed his things in the back of his Jeep Grand Cheroke 4x4 and drove to his daughter's house to pick up Kevin and his things. He had only pulled into the driveway when Kevin bounded out of the house like a thoroughbred from the starting gate. He had slept very little the night before and all of his things had been carried to the front of the garage long before Jerry's arrival so as not to delay their departure any more than necessary. It would be hard to say which of the two was more eager to begin their adventure but clearly Kevin's teenage exuberance was almost out of control. Jerry helped Kevin load his bags in the Jeep and a tearful mother bid her son goodbye with the obligatory reminders to be careful, to mind his grandpa, and to stay in touch. For the first fity miles of the drive north to the border, Kevin remained animated and talkative but his lack of sleep soon took its toll and just more than an hour into the drive, he fell asleep. Jerry loved his grandson and delighted in the boy's obvious happiness but welcomed the silence. It gave him ample opportunity to reflect on the unexpected but welcomed turn of events that allowed him to enjoy the activities that he never had enough time for. It was just past noon when they reached northern Michigan. Jerry was hungry, tired from driving and eager to stop for the night. He turned off I-75 at Vanderbilt. He was familiar with the area because he had spent one of his rare vacations at a nearby lake. He pulled into a little cafe where he had found "home-cooked" food that he had enjoyed on previous visits. He parked in front and looked over to Kevin who still slept soundly. He was about to nudge him awake when he noticed a bulge in the boy's pants--the unmistakable sign of a morning woodie and the need to empty the bladder. Jerry chuckled at the sight. Although Jerry's secret attraction to men caused a minor twitching of his cock, this was, after all, his grandson so he thought no more about it as he jiggled his grandson's shoulder and called his name. Kevin woke slowly but eventually asked, "Where are we?" "Vanderbilt, Michigan. It's lunch time. Are you hungry?" "Don't know," the boy replied, still shaking off his slumber. "But I do know that I gotta pee." That he said that was merely evidence of the uninhibited conversation between the two. "I can see that," Jerry chuckled as he nodded toward Kevin's crotch. Kevin looked down, blushed, and said, "Damn. It does that at the most awkward times." "Perfectly normal," Jerry said to relieve Kevin's embarrassment but then couldn't resist the temptation to ask, "Think you can make it into the rest room in the cafe with that growth between your legs?" "Grandpa!" Kevin exclaimed indignantly. Although the two enjoyed teasing each other, his grandpa's joke about his private parts only increased his embarrassment. Almost defiantly, he opened his door and walked toward the cafe's entrance, leaving Jerry to follow and chuckle inwardly about his grandson's awkward gait. When they entered the men's room, Jerry was not surprised to see that Kevin went into a stall to sit down. Perhaps he was still shy about his erection; perhaps his bowels were as full as his bladder. Or, perhaps like Jerry as a virile youngster, sitting down to pee was easier with a stiffy. After eating, the two climbed into the Jeep and Jerry drove off toward I-75. But instead of taking the entrance ramp, he took a country road heading west. "Where are you going?" Kevin asked. "To a lovely little lake near here. I was there a few years ago and it's beautiful. The southwest side of the lake is still relatively undeveloped and secluded. I thought we could set up camp there, stretch our weary bones, and relax before going on." "Is that where we'll camp, then?" Kevin said. "For a while, anyway. There are some other places I have in mind as well but we can start here. We're not bound by a particular schedule. Besides, unless I'm mistaken, you'll want to stay at the lake a day or so before we head on to discover new places. We can fish, swim, hike, and just enjoy ourselves for a while. Okay?" "Sure," the boy responded. "What's the place like?" "I'd rather you see it and form your own impressions. Part of the joy in traveling like this is exploring new places, letting things happen, and not be a slave to a fixed schedule." Kevin had learned that his grandpa always gave good advice and for some time he pondered the implications of what he had just heard. Ultimately, he concluded that he would accept the spirit of adventure and exploration. Of course, he didn't realize at the time that the explorations would result in immense pleasure the likes of which he could never have imagined. Nor did Jerry. The experiences he was to have with his grandson -- experiences that would have to remain a secret between them -- would eclipse every other aspect of their vacation together. Chapter 2 -- A Day of Joy, A Night of Hell They arrived at the lake in about 15 minutes. It was just as Jerry remembered it--a small, pear-shaped lake only about a mile across but a deep clear blue and surounded by undeveloped forest. The dirt road from the sparsely travelled paved road was somewhat more overgrown than he recalled but that was a good sign because it meant few people had been using it. They could enjoy the seclusion on the isolated shore but not be far from stores for food and supplies. Kevin was, as Jerry expected, enthralled with the setting. His comments were peppered with wow, cool, awesome, and beautiful. Jerry pulled off the dirt road near the spot where he had camped before and was planning to pitch the tent and set up the camp site right away. Kevin, however, jumped out of the Jeep and ran down to the lake shore. Moments later, Jerry joined him, more than delighted to see that his grandson was as captivated by the location as he was. The sat on a large rock at the water's edge and talked for several minutes. Both of them as happy as they had been for a long time. The sun bore down on them from a cloudless sky and before long it was uncomfortably hot sitting on the rock. Kevin slipped off his shoes and socks, dangled his feet in the cool water, and asked, "Is it safe to swim in the lake?" "Just two reasons not to," Jerry replied. "One is that the water is quite cool--not like the pool at the Y. The other is the size of the fish." "Fish?" Kevin asked, not expecting one of his grandpa's jokes. "Yes. A few of them are quite big. If they're hungry, they might just swallow you for lunch." Kevin good-naturedly laughed at yet another trap his grandpa had sprung on him. "There's another reason," Kevin mused. "I forgot to pack my swim trunks." "No need for them, Kevin. There's absolutely nobody around so you can go skinny-dipping." "You mean naked?" Kevin asked incredulously. "Why not?" Jerry replied. "It's only you and me here." Kevin studied his grandpa's face for signs of another trick but couldn't find any. "You're teasing me again, aren't you," he said. "Not this time. If you want to swim, just strip and jump in." "Sure," Kevin replied. "As soon as I do, you'll laugh at me." "No, I won't," Jerry said. "In fact, I feel like a cool dip myself. I'll join you." With that, Jerry took off his shoes, socks, and shirt. He was unbuckling his belt when Kevin said, "You ARE serious. It's really okay to swim naked here?" "Of course." Jerry was now down to his boxers and Kevin enthusiastically removed his shirt and pants. Then he abruptly stopped as he caught sight of a completely nude man standing next to him. He had seen a few pictures of nude men in art and biology books in the library. He was somewhat aroused by them but seeing a real man with nothing on was infinitely more arousing. He had never seen his grandpa any way but completely clothed and he was overcome with the sight of a 54-year-old man with such a fit, masculine body--somewhat hairy chest, flat stomach, muscular legs, and not a bit of flab anywhere. Compulsively, Kevin's eyes were drawn to his grandpa's crotch where an impressive cock hung down from a thicket of pubes and in front of low-hanging balls. His stare unconsciously revealed an interest that had been growing stronger since he entered puberty, an interest that he knew was socially unacceptable but had become something of an obsession with him. Jerry, normally a very perceptive man, noticed Kevin's stare but failed to interpret its meaning correctly. Sex and his grandson had never occupied the same thought in his mind. Instead, he reasoned that it was probably the boy's first exposure to a nude adult and was merely curious and perhaps speculating whether his genitals would eventually assume similar proportions. Jerry tolerantly allowed Kevin to have a good look and then said, "Well. Are you going swimming with me or not?" Jolted out of his fixation on his grandpa's crotch, Kevin worried that his innermost interests had been revealed. He quickly recovered, pulled off his boxers, and stepped into the water until it was waist high. Although it was a brief glimpse, Jerry noted with some surprise that his grandson had matured more than he would have imagined. He had full pubes and a cock as long and thick as, Jerry thought, an 18-year-old. There was a thin coating of hair on his legs but his chest was bare. The muscles in his chest had not yet fully developed but he was clearly no longer the younster that Jerry remembered. Not only was Kevin ahead of his peers intellectually but, it was now clear, also physically. He was startled to realize that the sight of a naked, well-developed boy--his grandson--so powerfully awakened feelings that he had been suppressing for years. Jerry quickly chided himself for admiring his grandson's body and strode into the water. They splashed each other, laughed constantly, and swam for about half an hour before climbing back onto the shore. "We should have brought towels from our luggage," Kevin mused as he shook the water out of his hair. "Next time we will," Jerry said. "But for now, we'll have to let the sun dry us off." With that, he walked a few yards to a grassy spot and laid down on his back with his hands behind his head for a pillow. Kevin, quite unaccustomed to such a disregard for modesty, watched his grandpa in disbelief and sat on the warm rock in a position that would hide his privates but allow him to look at his grandpa who laid motionless with his eyes closed. As he watched, his grandpa's balls recovered from the chill of the water and sagged. Kevin found himself wondering what his grandpa's cock would look like with a hard-on and, for that matter, whether it still got hard at his age. Those thoughts amplified the stimulation he got from looking at a nude male adult and he felt his own cock begin to swell. "This won't do," he thought. "If grandpa sees me with a boner, he'll guess my secret." He stepped to the water's edge, splashed cool water on his firming cock, and returned to the rock determined to divert his attention from the naked form of the man he loved like a father. His plan didn't work. His cock seemed to have a mind of its own, as most teen cocks do, and continued to stiffen. Kevin then did the only thing he knew was a sure-fire way to solve his problem. Crouching out of sight behind the large rock, he masturbated while anxiously listening for any sign that his grandpa was approaching. It was a quickie--not very satisfying but effective in deflating his errant cock. Surprisingly quickly, the sun's heat and the gentle breeze left both Jerry and Kevin dry. Kevin dressed and called to his grandpa to get dressed before he got a sunburn. With regret to see his grandpa put his clothes on but with simultaneous releif that his reaction to nude male body wouldn't embarrass him, Kevin watched his grandpa dress. "How about helping me set up the tent," Jerry asked and Kevin eagerly agreed. Thirty minutes later, amid instructions to Kevin and lots of friendly banter, the tent was set up, the sleeping bags were in place inside. and their "lodging" for the night was ready. "I'll bet you're hungry," Jerry said. "Do you want to catch some squirrels for dinner or should we go find a place to eat?" "If you catch 'em, I'll cook 'em," Kevin laughed. His retorts to his grandpa's teasing were coming more easily and were more creative, which made both Kevin and Jerry proud and served to cement their bond further. After a delicious meal in the nearest town, they returned to their camp site just after sunset. They set off to gather fire wood and as the darkness crept over them, they built a fire. Sitting by the camp fire, Jerry turned to Kevin and asked, "Tell me, Kevin. And be honest. Is this better than playing a video game at home?" "Tons better," he replied without hesitation. Then, he thought for a moment and said, "Grandpa, I want you to know how much I appreciate your bringing me along. Ricky--he's a friend at school--went camping with his dad last year and I was jealous. But this beats the crap out of what he did." Jerry ignored the near-profanity and let Kevin continue. "And there's something else I want you to know. I appreciate you're being a buddy to me. You're more than a grandpa. You're my best friend." He paused just a moment and concluded with, "I love you." Kevin's obvious sincerity in expressing his love moved Jerry almost to tears. He enveloped Kevin in his arms, gave him a long bear-hug, and murmurred, "I love you too." They embraced for several minutes, each one relishing the close bond the embrace represented. Jerry had hugged his grandson before but much less frequently in recent years. Not that he didn't want to; it's just not cool for a teenager to hug. This hug, however, had a qualitatively different effect on them both because it was a manifestation of deep, abiding love. Neither of them realized that their loving embrace was a portent of things to come. The fire had died down to embers when Jerry suggested that they turn in for the night. Kevin was completely willing in spite of having slept the entire morning away during the long drive on I-75. Kevin searched his luggage and found his pajamas. On returning from the Jeep, he found his grandpa dousing the remaining embers of the fire with water from the lake. Both then entered the tent to get ready for bed. Kevin laid out his pajamas on the sleeping bag and noticed that his grandpa didn't have any. "Did you forget to pack your PJ's," he asked. "Don't have any. I've slept in my birthday suit since I was your age." "How come?" Kevin asked innocently. "It just never made sense to me to wear special clothes to bed when you've got blankets--or in this case a sleeping bag--to keep you warm." That, of course, was a white lie. Jerry began sleeping nude for easier access to his cock and the habit continued even though his late wife initially objected to his lack of modesty. There were a few close calls when his daughter was very young and hadn't learned to respect the privacy of her parents' bedroom. But even now, Jerry enjoyed the free access to his cock and often fell asleep with one or both hands laid gently on his crotch. Jerry was Kevin's idol in many ways so he said, "Well then, that's what I'll do, too." He had frequently wanted to do that recently but something held him back. Perhaps it was a vague fear of being found out and accused of being naughty. Such is the subtle way that society imposes restrictions on anything that hints of sexuality. However, if grandpa slept nude, it must be okay and Kevin siezed on the opportunity to do the same. Suddenly, however, he realized the implication of being naked and, more significantly, seeing his grandpa naked. Therefore, he undressed as quickly as he could and crawled into the sleeping bag before his disobedient cock had a chance to react. But, safely hidden from view, it did react as Kevin watched his grandpa casually strip, not bothering to turn away from Kevin's probing eyes. Jerry fell asleep very quickly but Kevin laid awake with forbidden thoughts commanding his attention. Although he was not to the point of admitting that he was gay, his attraction to other boys and to men was compelling. Girls held no interest for him; only the thoughts of other boys or men filled his fantasies when he masturbated. He mentally undressed boys and men but was never aroused at the thoughts of a naked female. He craved sexual intimacy with other boys but never had the courage or the opportunity to fulfill that need. He recognized that he was different than most boys or at least what society expected of boys--it could hardly be ignored--but he wasn't ready to admit that he was gay. Now, he realized that he was attracted to his grandfather more deeply than to any other boy or man in his life. That, he knew, was not only homosexual but was incest. Homosexuality was not socially acceptable. Sexual relations between an adult and a minor was worse. But incest seemed to be the worst of all. He grappled with his dilemma--respectability versus lust for, of all people, his grandfather. His love for his grandpa and his teen hormones pulled him one direction. He was horny and attracted to his grandpa. However, fear of the consequences of any sexual contact pulled him in an opposite direction. His grandpa would be offended and may even hate him for even thinking such thoughts. He was being figuratively drawn and quartered. And it hurt in ways that promised no relief from the pain. He was mature beyond his age but had no experience coping with these new urges that could not be met. Frustrated and tormented, he finally fell asleep. Chapter 3 -- Out in the Open When Kevin awoke the next morning, his grandpa's sleeping bag was empty for which he was grateful because he could dress without the embarrassment of exposing his usual morning woodie. Emerging from the tent, he saw his grandpa had built a fire to chase away the morning chill. He walked a short distance into the woods, briefly considered a quick jerk off, but decided he would just piss. The stream of urine arced high as it shot out from his very erect cock. Kevin found himself comparing the trajectory of piss with that of cum, which then restored the tormented thoughts of the night before when he lay despondently wrestling with his sexual needs versus the fear of satisfying or even revealing them. He returned to the camp site in a mental funk. Jerry was now fixing a breakfast of pancakes over the fire. "And a good morning to you," he said to Kevin with just a tinge of sarcasm because Kevin had not bothered to speak to his grandpa on his way to piss. Still in a funk, Kevin replied unenthusiastically, "Morning." "I thought we might do a little fishing this morning. With any luck, we can catch enough to have for lunch." "Okay," Kevin grunted. "Are you always grouchy in the morning?" Jerry asked. "Sorry," he replied apologetically but unwilling to explain what was bothering him. "Then, this afternoon when it's warmer, we could swim some more. How's that sound?" Swimming meant only one thing to Kevin in his current mood-- nudity...arousal...embarrassment...risking the disclosure of his secret desires. With a clearly artificial tone of cheerfulness, Kevin said "Okay, grandpa." Jerry recognized, of course, that something was troubling his grandson but decided, for the time being, to let it go. Later, if Kevin didn't return to his usual, animated self, he would pursue the matter. Soon, the two campers were on the shore of the lake. Jerry was pleased to see that the boy's mood had improved somewhat as he concentrated on casting a fly out into the lake and making the first catch of the day. Still, the boy seemed to have only a fraction of the enthusiasm of the day before. Having caught enough fish for a light lunch, Jerry suggested that they just dangle a baited hook in the water and relax. Kevin readily agreed. Jerry's motive was not relaxation although that would be pleasant but, rather, creating an opportunity to talk to his grandson, identify the source of any problem, and help him through to a solution. "Homesick?" he asked. "Not at all," Kevin replied immediately. Moments later, "Are you feeling all right?" "I'm fine." That sort of probing did little to reveal what, if anything, was causing Kevin's uncharacteristically subdued mood so Jerry decided to take a more direct approach. "Forgive me for asking but I've noticed that you seem a little out of sorts today. If something is troubling you, I'd like to help. Is there something bothering you?" The question instantly revived Kevin's turmoil about sex, being different, and his forbidden attraction to his grandfather. He said, "No, nothing's wrong." But his slight scowl conflicted with his words and betrayed some unrevealed problem. Jerry contemplated his next approach for a few silent, awkward minutes before saying, "Last night, you said I was your best friend. I was immensely flattered because you mean so very much to me. As your best friend, I want to help you whenever I can. If something is bothering you, I'd like you to tell me so I can understand and help you." Kevin looked into his grandpa's face. He knew that his grandpa loved him but telling him what the problem was would risk losing that love...losing his best and only good friend. He couldn't bring himself to confessing the truth. Jerry correctly assumed that there was a problem, that the problem was serious, and that Kevin--for an yet unknown reason--was reluctant to talk about it. To encourage Kevin to explain the problem, Jerry wrapped his arm around the boy and held him close. "Talk to me, Kevin. Talk to your best friend." That simple expression of love and support seemed to unglue Kevin's resolve to conceal his feelings. Unable to control his tumultuous emotions, Kevin buried his head into his grandfather's chest and began to cry. Jerry was simultaneously relieved that he seemed to be on a path leading to exposing the problem, greatly saddened that the problem was distressing his grandson so much, and hopeful that, somehow, he might be able to help. While he comforted the boy and let him cry, he racked his brain trying to recall some clue as to what Kevin's problem might be. He came up with no viable theory. Kevin's crying had subsided. Jerry put a hand under his chin and gently raised his head so he could look into the boy's face. "Talk to me, Kevin. Tell me what's hurting you. I want to help but I have to know what the problem is." "No," Kevin sputtered through his tears. "You'll hate me. I just couldn't bear that." "I'll never hate you, Kevin. I love you. I always will. But it hurts me to see you hurting. Let me help if I can." Jerry then kissed Kevin lightly on the forehead, which triggered another burst of sobs from Kevin who loved his grandpa, trusted him, but was still afraid of divulging his shameful secret. After several minutes of hugging his grandson, whose tears were a little more under control, Jerry still had no clue as to the nature of the problem but was more resolved than ever to help. Finally, Kevin gained enough composure to say, "You must think I'm a baby for crying." "Not at all," Jerry said softly. "I've cried many times in my life. I cried when your mother was born. I cried when you were born. Those were tears of happiness. But I've also cried when I was sad and upset. I cried when your father died. I cried when your grandmother died. Remember when I promised to come to your soccer championship game and I wasn't there because I had to go out of town? That night I cried because I wasn't there for you and had broken a promise to you. I've cried lots of times. It's perfectly okay to cry. What's not okay is to suffer alone when somebody else can help. Let me help you, Kevin." "But you'll hate me," Kevin sputtered. "Never!" Jerry said emphatically. "I can't promise that I can make your pain go away but I can promise that I will always love you. And that's a promise I can and will keep." Kevin knew that his grandpa meant what he said. He would probably disapprove of the feelings he harbored but he would continue to love him. He made the difficult and courageous decision to reveal his secret. Disengaging from their embrace, Kevin sat with his knees up against his chest, his arms around his legs, and his head buried in his arms as though saying what he was about to say would be easier without seeing his grandfather's reaction. "I like boys, grandpa. I don't like girls. I'm different. I'm weird. But I can't help it. I masturbate thinking of other boys, never girls. I think I may be queer...a sick queer." At last, Jerry knew what the problem was. At last he was in a position to help his grandson. "You may or may not be gay, Kevin. But if you are, it's as normal as being left-handed in a right-handed world. And you're certainly not sick because you like boys." Without looking at his grandfather, Kevin continued. "I think I am sick. I decided that last night. Remember when we were swimming? Seeing you naked gave me a boner. I wanted to touch you, give you a hard-on, make you cum. But you're my grandpa. Being sexually attracted to your grandpa is sick, isn't it? And now that I've told you, I've ruined our vacation. I've made you ashamed of me." "Come sit next to me, Kevin." Kevin looked for the first time in a long while at his grandfather who was smiling. Maybe what he said about always loving him was true. Kevin, encouraged by his grandpa's acceptance of his confession, moved over to sit next to his beloved grandpa. Jerry wrapped an arm around the boy's shoulders and said, "Let me tell you about two friends of mine. It was many years ago. Both men were gay. Both of them went through the same agonizing turmoil that you feel now. One made a decision to accept his attraction to men and became an openly gay man. He lost some friends but gained other friends. A few members of his family strongly disapproved of his gay life style but eventually accepted him. The other man made a different decision. He concealed his real interests. He got married just to conform to society's expectations. He had a family and was respected in the community. He was reasonably happy but throughout his life he was haunted by his secret urges to be with a man, to go to bed with a man, to have a truly loving relationship with a man." Jerry paused briefly to allow Kevin to digest the stories and, hopefully, compare the two alternatives. Continuing, he added, "Which of the two men made the right choice, Kevin?" Kevin thought long and hard, wanting to give the correct answer. But as he contrasted the two stories and projected the implications onto his own future, he only got more confused. Eventually, he said, "I don't know, grandpa. They both seem right and they both seem wrong. The first man was honest but the second man was not. The first man lost respect of his friends and family but the second man lost what really meant a lot to him. What's the correct answer?" Jerry smiled broadly and said, "You've already given the correct answer. Every gay boy that ever lived had to make a choice. Each choice has consequences -- some good, some bad. There is no right or wrong choice. It's just a choice. It comes down to making a decision. If you are indeed gay--and I really think it's too soon to know that--you have to make a decision. Will you live the gay life with its rewards and consequences or will you live a straight life with its different rewards and consequences. It's a tough decision, I know, and you don't have to decide right away. In fact, I think you should wait a few years to decide. During that time we can talk a lot more about it. I'm sure I can help you make the your decision." Kevin was very pleased that his grandpa had not reacted with disgust but, rather, had understood and accepted his feelings. He hugged his grandpa and said, "I love you more than ever. Thanks for not hating me." "I've promised that I would always love you, Kevin. And I'll make another promise. I will always be honest with you. If I think you're doing something wrong or stupid, I'll tell you. If I think you're doing something right or smart, I'll tell you that as well. And telling me about your problem was right and smart. I'm very proud of you." Kevin grinned at the compliment but also because he was more sure than ever of his grandfather's love and support. They continued to hug each other for a while before Kevin said, "Those two men. You made them up, right? Just to make a point?" "No, Kevin. The first man--the one who was openly gay--was a fraternity brother of mine in college. He's a lawyer in San Franciso now. We exchange emails once in a while. He's very successful and very happy. He's suffered some painful discrimination in his life but he doesn't regret the choice he made while in college." "And the second man?" Kevin asked. Jerry knew that question was coming but he was still unprepared to answer it. To do so would reveal his own secret identity that he had so jealously guarded for decades. However, he knew what the answer, however painful and risky, must be. "Kevin, I've promised that I would always be honest with you and I'm compelled to keep that promise. The second man is me." Kevin stared blankly at his grandfather for a moment before the significance of what he heard triggered a look of complete surprise on his face. Without thinking, he blurted out, "YOU? You're gay? But you married grandma. Had sex with her. You're a father and a grandfather." "Yes, Kevin. I'm a gay man who chose to lead a straight life. I made a choice when I was not much older than you are now. It seemed to me to be the right choice at the time and I've had more than my share of satisfactions in life. Chief among them is you. I thoroughly enjoy your company and I'm very proud of your achievement in school and athletics." "If you were gay like me when you were young, you must have wanted it as bad as I do. And you didn't get what you really wanted. Or did you?" Kevin suddenly realized how tactless his question was and quickly added, "Sorry. You don't have to answer that." "Ah, but I think I should because it might help you come to terms with your feelings and help you make a decision about your future. I messed around with a couple of boys in high school. Nothing serious. It was pure sex. I had a steady boyfriend in college and we were much more intimate with each other but we eventually agreed that there was no real love between us so we broke it off. Since that time, I've never been with another man. So what's the lesson in that? I suppose it is that it's okay to mess around with another boy who is willing and even have a steady boyfriend. But you must always be very discrete and you must think seriously about compatibility and genuine love before committing to a meaningful relationship." Kevin quietly considered what he had heard before saying, "So it's okay to be gay?" "Is it okay to be left-handed? Or have red hair? It's different from most people. But being gay is not just different. It's something that many people don't understand. Because they don't understand it, and because many religions preach that it's sinful, people treat gays as sick or sinful or perverts. If you decide to live as an open gay, you can expect others to discriminate against you...even be cruel to you. As I said, you have a tough decision to make. But rest assured, I will help you understand the consequences of your decision. Most important of all, Kevin, I will support whatever decision you make." "Thanks, grandpa. For listening to me. For understanding and not hating me. For helping me. I feel a lot better now." "Just one more thing before we fry up our fish for lunch. We've told each other things that we've never told anyone else. It's a secret between good friends. Okay?" "Okay," Kevin grinned. "But there's lots more I have to learn from you so can we talk some more later?" Jerry was genuinely pleased that he had begun to ease the burden that tormented his grandson. He even looked forward to more discussions. But he didn't expect that Kevin would form plans for more than discussions.