Date: Fri, 21 Nov 2008 18:56:52 -0800 (PST) From: Joe Parker Subject: I think I'm in trouble. Part 1, Chapter 10 I THINK I'M IN TROUBLE Part One Chapter X (Jake) Ok I've gone and done it now But as you probably know I just do NOT give one hot damn. I want him too much. So I did what I usually do when I want something so badly. Or in this case someONE... I went out and got him. Yes I have cheated on Jessica and I feel bad. But I just can't deal with that yet. I never believed I would be the cheating kind. My Dad's loyalty to my mother all these years has been extraordinary and here I am ditching the girl I began going out with when we were both 12 - just like that! Yes I am going to have to call time on what I have with Jess. I'm a bad guy I guess, I will try to make it right with her, we just can't continue like we are.., it's over. I just wish it could be as simple as that, she's gonna cry, she'll be devastated. I know that but I cannot turn back now right? My heart belongs to Felix. Felix, my Felix.., he's finally MY Felix. And I don't want him to be anyone elses EVER. I will kill anyone who even looks at him crooked. Maybe I should just kill anyone who even looks at him period? I pause and brood. I did not actually mean to do it, I did not mean for it to happen this way but it just did alright? I came downstairs from brushing my teeth (I have to brush 3 times a day aight so shut up!) Anyway as I was saying... I came downstairs and spied him going into the fernery. He looked like he was in a daze. Damn he was so cute at that moment wandering around off with the 'fairies'. My mind jolts... am I a fairy now? Hell yeah and I will beat the damn ass of any fairy-hater who wants to try it on. Gah - well anyway where was I?... recent developments with Felix have really messed my mind up, among other things. Oh yeah he went into the fernery and I followed him. I have always loved this particular garden. I remember playing 'lions and tigers' in here as a kid. I begged Daddy for months to get us some real lions and tigers. My plan was to keep them in the fernery here coz it looks so much like a jungle. Lol the whims of childhood, I am only 17 but even now is so complicated. I wish I could go back to just being a kid again. I wonder, if I had known Felix as a child - would we be lovers by now? I can't help it, I assume a crouching tiger position, my hands in front of me in a clawing pose and I proceed to stalk Felix. I'm trying not to snicker as I trace his footsteps deeper and deeper into the jungle/fernery. My plan is to give him a huge fright and then rush over to him and take him into my arms. Any excuse to steal another hug.., and maybe something more. He has stopped walking and I stop in my tracks so as not to alert him to my presence. Not that he will catch me out. He bends over to look at the ferns and fountains and Iittle Jake rears up at the sight of his delectable butt. Does anybody look better than Felix in jeans? Nope, nobody apart from me of course :P My head turns sideways as I scope out his enticing ass. He fails to detect me. He is too gaga, off in la la land and I am just too good a tiger to get caught. He's standing up again now, just standing there staring into the jade fountains with a trance like look on his face. Entranced by the little silver water bells that jingle and jangle as the gurgling liquid trickles and tinkles though them. Lol he's a spaz, I cover my mouth to laugh. He's so very cute looking though. My mental image of him is as a much smaller more petite guy than he really is. I think I want to make him into someone that needs my protection. Some psychology guy wrote that men like to feel wanted and needed - that men like to feel like a protector and provider. I have very strong feelings like those for Felix. I want him to need me, to feel safe when I'm around.., ok I know, I know... I have actually had the ADVERSE effect on him in recent times. I gotta learn how not to scare and frighten him so much! Here ends my plan to give him a big fright lol. So much for that... I'll have to go to Plan B. Hmmm what to do, what to do? I sneak up behind him on tippy toes and gently cover his eyes with my hands. You all know what happened next... but as I said I didn't mean for it to happen, it just did. I am as surpised as he surely is the way this all turned out. But hey! - this is no scripted measured screenplay... this is real life. Things just happen in real life. Kissing Felix.., I wanna write a book called 'Kissing Felix'. It would be so easy. From beginning to end it would just be KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS... you know what I mean... Kissing a guy is so different to kissing a girl. Truly there is no comparison. He smells just like he smells in my wildest dreams, no - he smells even better coz this is real! Tracing my nose along his neck, his ear and following it up with my mouth is something I am going to require a lifetime of practice to perfect. And I fully intend to enjoy every freaking moment of it. The sounds he makes reverberate through me like the clocktower bell. Better than the clocktower bell coz that thing just annoys me. Even with soundproofed bedroom walls you can still tell when it's chiming. Luckily it goes silent from 10 PM till 5 AM. When he made that little whimpering sound I was totally gone. He leaned into me signalling that he was happy with me being so close and I just responded. Like auto-pilot responded. I just knew what to do and followed my instincts. He fits me perfectly, his honey blonde head slips under my chin hand in glove. I brace my legs around him and he just melts seamlessly into me.., into my rapidly expanding dick. When he came.., well yeah that sure stroked my ego and something else too. He began shuddering and rubbing his ass against me, moaning and panting. It was totally wild! Wow I feel like I'm like just this total stud you know? I wasn't exactly counting on him to come like that... Hell I don't even know what I was expecting but WOW! - just WOW! If he seemed vulnerable before then... If he caused feelings in me of needing to protect him earlier... then this was a totally different playing field, a whole new level of existence.., another dimension. Scooping him up into my arms was partially a primal response but also a practical solution to our rather sticky situation. Naturally we had no choice but to repair to my quarters and get him all fixed up. I enjoyed every moment of carrying him up to my rooms, I milked every second making sure to get a good feel of his luscious butt, cuddling him to me and kissing him to distraction. Him kissing me.., was amazing, astounding.., incredible and right. The only thing better than kissing him is being kissed by him - well actually it's debatable but do you see me arguing? Have you ever been kissed senseless? I hope you have, ain't it fun! You know what I like most about being kissed by Felix? He's gentle and soft one minute and then he's demanding and aggressive the next, he's my little minx! His innate sense of curiosity shines through in everything he does. I love how he explored as much of my body as he could get his hands on. His eyes stripped me bare and left me in no doubt that he wants to touch other places too, my legs, my chest, my abs my cock.., my ass. He is an expeditionary personality, that is to say - he likes to search out the landscape and carry home the rich trophies he may acquire. My ass twitches at the mere thought of it. Our families both have strong, proud mining heritage and if he wants to mine my ass, then I just salivate at the 'prospect'... lol I'm becoming ridiculous but you gotta humor me, I think I'm falling in - never mind! Actually I'm kinda scared about some of things I really wanna do and have done to me. Sticking my finger up my butt to get at my prostate is one thing. But by the feel of him Felix is a big boy and I'm just scared about how it might hurt. I don't want to be embarrassed either coz it will be my first time. I don't wanna mess it up and neither do I wish to make a mess, if you know what I mean. I'm sorry if this like disgusts you but I am still pretty young and regardless of what I write and how I act I'm still scared about sex to be honest. I've never had sex with another person before and until the other day never even contemplated having sex with another boy before. I will have to go on the net and check things out. I went back out to the service corridor to the storage room and got Felix some of my old clothes from about 3 years ago. I was his size when I was 14 lol. I got him some blue DKNY jeans, a Nike WV t-shirt, and a thick white and blue American Eagle hoody. I threw his jeans and boxers in the washing machine and started a cycle... I admit that I sniffed his cute Dragonball Z boxers (Heaven), but I reluctantly avoided his cum, there was lots of it. Something inside me wants him to be with me when I finally do that stuff. I set it to heavy wash. Felix says he's a boxers guy so I got him some smart red and white pinstriped A&F boxers that I used to like to kick around in. The thought of Felix wearing my undies kinda makes me all wiggly. Depending on my mood I like to wear both boxers and briefs not necessarily at the same time. I also have a kink for sexy underwear too haha! I wore a hot black cocksox thong to school last year and revealed it to the guys in the gym changing rooms! Their eyes bugged out hehe. Mark Fisher told me he owns a couple of thongs but lacks the guts to wear them to school. Woah his ass must look hot in a thong lol. I sure got some nice comments about my ass :P Sadly Coach Morris the baseball coach told me to wear normal underwear or else... I throw in a pair of fluffy white Champion athletic socks and wait for my boy to finish showering. He kicked me out and locked the door grrrrr! - I had fully intended on joining him. I lay back on my bed and consider jacking off but Felix might come out at any moment and I kinda don't wanna get caught like that. There's a small ante-room between the shower room and my bedroom and everything is soundproofed so I can't tell if he's done until the door opens. And it does. I scramble to my feet as his freshly shampooed head peeks round the side of the door. I smile.., He points to his head - "Sorry I decided to go the whole hog, your shower is crazy good an all like WOWSERS! Can I live in your shower please? I grin stupidly, basking in the radiance of his smile. "Got anything for me to wear please?" I'm right up to the door now with his new clothes in my hands "Can I have another kiss please Felix... pleeeease?" He blushes and nods his head, "Come here you" he says... We kiss, I drop the clothes and try to pull him through the door and we kiss again I reach for his thick white towel, tugging at it, but before it can fall away my intercom starts beeping. It's my Dad.., I can tell by the beep sequence. I groan coz Felix has quickly gathered up the clothes and locked me out again! Grrrrrr that lil tease! - he will pay for that... I slam my palm against the door hoping he gets the message and stalk over to my bedside table grabbing the phone and pressing the key which diverts the intercom to the phone. I can't be bothered walkin over to the main door consul. "What!?!" I snap... "Excuse me?" says a voice on the other end. "You better step down Jacob and answer this call properly. I will pretend I never heard that" -- Shoot now I've done it... "I, I'm sorry Sir, ummm you called?" I lather on the respect to my irritated father. After the trouble I have been in lately I better get control over my short fused temper. "That's better Jake, yes I called to tell you boys to hurry up, lunch has begun and your grandparents and Miss Carol want to meet Felix. Lets not keep them waiting hmmm?" "Ummm ok Daddy Felix is just getting changed and then we'll be right down" Felix comes loping through the door all freshly dressed, he must have used my hair gel, man he sure scrubs up well. "Alright son, just hurry and no messin around, come down immediately!" -- I blush and turn red, does he know!?! - surely not? "Uh ok Dad we are on the way" He hangs up without further comment. I think I have irritated him..., I gulp. In the meantime Felix has sat down and is leaning up against me. I'm so glad that he hasn't freaked out and gone frigid on me. I pick him up and slide him into my lap. He wraps his arms around me and he kisses me. My tongue wakes up and headsnext door... "Mmmm Mmm-Felix we gotta go downstairs now" I gaze into his captivating eyes. His eyes widen.., "You ain't gonna carry me down there are ya Jake?" "Would you like me to?" I challenge... "Naw it's okay" He responds before leaping out of my lap and holding his hands out to help me get up. Instead I pull him down to me and roll him onto the bed climbing on top of him and we start groaning and kissing again. I graze his tonsils with my tongue as his hands massage my ass cheeks. Yeeeow! -- This is living! The phone rings this time... I say something unintelligible before getting a grip on myself, clearing my throat and answering the phone. I never get the chance to speak. "Where the Hell are you Jake? - I last called you 10 minutes ago!" Jinkies time really DOES fly when your'e havin fun! I am getting myself into deeper and deeper trouble... "Dad I'm so sorry we were just uh talking and stuff" "Jake if I have to come up there you will be sorry all right! Get your ass down here NOW before I come up there and drag it down!" Ouch he is rarely this short tempered... I hope he's standing away from the others. "Yes Sir, I'm sorry Sir we are walking out the door right now" Felix has already headed to the doorway, his liquid lapis eyes wide with trepidation. "Just damn get down here, you got two minutes or I'm coming up!" "Ok bye Dad see you shortly - and Dad?.., I love you please" He sighs, exasperated, "I love you too tiger now get down here already - hang up the damn phone!" We both hang up at the same time. (Felix) As with everything else here Jake's shower is like totally whack man! In all the best ways... The whole room is so cool I just had to check it out for ideas when I build my own house - like whatever lol. Everything is bright, expertly lit and pristine clean. I jez bet it ain't Jake who cleans it, Jake don't seem like the cleaning type. Ocean blue hues with clean white porcelain, fossilized fixtures, mirrorglass and chrome. The commode is in its own roman tiled room and there's also another little room with a urinal in it! This is how outrageous this place is. The toilet area doesn't just have toilet paper, there is this dispenser which releases aloe-wipes as well! - like Dayum boy! I was kinda disappointed that there was no jacuzzi but I found it seconds later outside set into the floor of the balcony. Overlooking the western wing of the house from behind discreet privacy screens. Once I managed to get some fresh clothes from him after a lil nookie in the doorway.., I quickly retreated to get changed in his own personal dressing room which leads off the lil foyer that opens into the ensuite. I had to lock him out again or all Hell would have broken loose lol. I have to tell you, the thing that amazes me most out of all that I have seen of Jake's crazy house is his dressing room. He's got too many clothes, and not just clothes. He's got too much of everything and I think it's wrong. It's somethin I just can't understand. I'm not gonna tell describe in detail all of Jake's clothes, footwear, grooming products and jewellery. But I wanna remind y'all to take into account the fact that growing teenagers especially ones Jake's size should be careful bout buying too many clothes... I guess with his kind of money none of that matters. I shake my head. No wonder he can gey so self conceited. It's almost criminal and certainly wasteful to my mind, when you see that one person can have so much. Am I jealous? - Hell yeah! But do you know what else I am? I am glad it's not me. Believe me when I say that I have not described his dressing room in detail. 'Shades of Imelda' is probably all that you need to know lol. However I WILL describe Jake's underwear drawer, there's several of them to be exact and let me tell you.., he is one sexy boy! Hahahaha! I am feeling very vanilla to his exotic chocolate right now... Most teenage boys stick to the safe and trusted boxers, (I know I do). Some may upgrade to boxer briefs even but Jake's underwear choices just crack me up they're so varied. There's everything from boxers, boxer briefs and BVD's to hip-briefs skimpy bikinis.., Jockstraps, g-strings and thongs! I just got to rib him bout this lol! Remind me if I forget! He's probably got a Borat mankini here somewhere. His grooming section (yes section) looks like a downtown Chicago drug store. I remember saving up just to buy my bottle of CK One on special... I don't know bout y'all but my mind boggles at the overkill and expense of all this. I never realized just how far removed from me he was. I recall mulling over the social divide between us before we even got up here. But nothing could prepare me for the actual reality of it. I know they are filthy rich, - as in rich beyond belief, but I don't think it's right that one kid could have all of this. Do his rich-kid peers live this way? Somehow I doubt it. I shake my head, finish dressing in his so called 'old' clothes - like whatever! Regardless of what I think bout his treasure trove full of clothes and accessories... Regardless of all that, I'm still fizzing with happiness.., fizzing with love. And hey!.., I'm wearin his boxers! Red and white stripey ones and I ain't plannin on giving them back :) I head on out to my Jake. I was gonna say.., my 'Boyfriend Jake'... but he's not yet is he. what is he to me? What am I to him? We got some serious talkin to do. I can't let this love thang go to my head until I know where I really stand with him. How are we gonna do things? Are we gonna hide our love away? I don't wanna. If there's one thing I can be sure of - I do not wish to hide this love or whatever it is I share with Jake. I think if we gonna be somthin, then we're better to just put it out there and let the chips fall where they may. I also won't share him, I just can't... I'm hating the fact that in this scenario I'm the 'other woman/man' -- Arrrrrgghhh! - you know what I mean! He stops me before we head back down to the big glass place. "Baby, please know that I'm gonna talk to Jess okay? Don't say anything to her please?" He gazes into my eyes sincerely and steals a quick kiss across my cheek. My heart contracts with both love and sadness at what his words mean for both me and Jessica. "I won't, I promise I will wait" His smile is bittersweet in its aspect, yet still beautiful in its own way. I smile back in kind. ****** When we finally got downstairs (I ain't describing the decor, you prolly sick of hearin bout it...) Yeah, when we got downstairs I sure was hungry and they didn't disappoint. Now I will describe the food coz it's food and I am 17 so yeah you do the math hehe. Fried chicken, creole coleslaw and potato salad. Smoked ham, grilled peppers with mushrooms and onions with beef and hot sauce. Sour dough bread, cornbread, rice and beans... classic good ole country food. Jake eats like a herd of swine... is anybody surprised by this? Nope. Clarke and Junior are prodigious eaters and so am I but Jake eats as if all the food in the world will vanish by tomorrow. Or as Miss Carol said - as if he's off to be 'lektrokuted at dawn'. Meetin her sent tingles shootin round my body. There's somin bout her, Junior whispered to me that she talks to the Lord and you know what? He weren't jokin none at all. He was dead serious. Everybody listens intently to whatever she says when she talks. She's like some preacher-woman or somthang. When Jake introduced me she made me come forward.., "Come closer now chile, I can't see you - y'all so skinny! Sweet surrender now, what a handsome boy!" I blush furiously. Honestly! - she really did call me handsome! I shuffled over beside her seat next to Granmaw Maxson and she grabs my head in her huge bear paw hands. She's a mighty large woman and I sure wouldn't wanna meet her down a dark alley that's for sure! Her eyes look like the viewin part is nearly all gone yet I sense that she can see all. They seem to look right through me sinking into my thoughts and I feel a soft warmth flowing from her hands into mine. I smile and I kiss her on the cheek, then blush. "You a good boy, you are." She offers her other cheek and I kiss it. Jake huffs and grumbles next to me I don't know why but the old lady does. "Mind that devil trap of y'alls Jacob! - I am still y'alls galfren honey!" I'm incredulous, she's his girlfriend?... "I still carry y'alls weddy rang right here next to my heart!" She produces a silver locket on a chain around her neck, flips it open and presents a faded yellow string promise ring. Several knowing laughs go up from around the table. I turn around and look at Jake and he's as red as a sunburned lobster in July. Miss Carol makes googly eyes and kissing sounds... Jake groans and hides his head in his hands. "My baby when y'alls was 8 y'all promise to marry me when y'alls growed taller an me" I'm gasping with mirth. Miss Carol puts her hands on her ample hips, looks Jake up and down and says.., "Well?" Jakes response is full of charming good humor. "Please Miss Carol, it was a big mistake, I never expected to outgrow you! HONESTLY! - I thought you were the biggest woman in the whole world!" Her laugh is like rolling thunder, "Haw! Haw! Haw! Haw! Haw!" She's well over 6 feet, I can tell jez lookin at her and she's sittin down. She's prolly bout my height and she must be more than three of me around lol! No wonder lil 8 year old Jake promised to marry her. That's Jake's devious mind for you. Even at 8 he was thinkin forktoungue thoughts! Never thought he'd outgrow her huh!?! He clasps his hands in front of him and begs, "Oh please Miss Carol, even if I am taller than you now - you still outweigh me by a zillion pounds!" "Jacob the things you say!" His Grandmother urges him to take it back, but Miss Carol cackles louder and thumps the table. "Baby Boy y'all keep eatin like an army and we be married afore nightfall Haw Haw Haw!" "Shotgun!" calls Junior and his father reaches over and clips his ear. Jake shoves me aside and pushes me over into his seat so he can sit next to his 'betrothed' and bask in her radiance. Lol he didn't like it when she took a shine to me. He's jez an insecure lil baby! - Hehehe. What a fun time I'm having! It would be almost the best time ever if Jessica wasn't sad. She is rather quiet and seems a lil disconnected from the lively lunch atmosphere, very subdued. I feel, terrible,guilty, bad. When Jake and I first came back down I was so paranoid. I felt as if there was a neon sign flashin above us sayin.., <<< "These boys just had sex!" Ok well it wasn't exactly 'sex' but I sure got off on it lol. My pecker was sure convinced! Jake of course was smooth and assured. He must get his great acting skills from his Daddy - OUCH I'm feelin sharp today! I was real reluctant to go over to the table but the delicious smell of expertly prepared food put paid to that thought. But yeah Jessica.., She smiles, she laughs and she chatters away to Sue and Beth, Granmaw Maxson, my Mom, Miss Dina and Miss Carol. But her smiles falter at the last, her laughs are too short, and her words lack conviction. She's like a flat tyre on a car, she still goes round and round but there's no denying she's flat. She also avoids looking at me and she is ignoring Jake. I can tell she loves the children but with Lenore around she is keeping her distance. Lenore may as well not exist as far as Beth and Sue and are concerned. She's obviously the social outcast and Sue keeps staring daggers at her. Clarke can't keep his eyes off her and even though Lenore's on best behavior (in the presence of her father), she's still able to send out 'signals' and Clarke is receiving them loud and clear. Jake's grandparents are real cool. I didn't quite know what to expect with them but they been wonderful hosts today. His Grandfather cracks me up. He has that same spark, that same vital vim and vigor that Jake possesses. He's only too happy to argue every point, question everything and drag his feet on anything that requires him to do what he don't wanna do. And that's just sittin and talkin round the table lol. What's he like everywhere else? Boy this is a good snapshot into how Jake's gonna be in may 50 years time - maybe I need to re evaluate. Jake's dad is quite different again. He seems more reserved (which Jake can be) but not the aggressive kind of reserved (which Jake definitely is). Ryan Maxson is more contemplative, less 'In your face' and seems to be a lot more like his lovely mother. I do wonder though if Aunt Shonta's death affected him and changed him into this person? Who knows? He's really paying Momma alot of attention. I still ain't happy bout it but I gotta be honest. To have someone as amazingly put together as that chasing after ya sure has to boost y'alls confidence. Gosh he's so HAWT! - I jez can't quit sayin it. Sometimes you don't wanna look at someone for too long coz you might begin noticing imperfections. What happens when they don't have any? Is that an imperfection in of itself? My silly mind is screwing me up with all these weird thoughts lol! He is flawless. Ryan is flawless in the same way Jessica is flawless. Jake ain't flawless and if he did not snarl and smirk and scowl so much he'd be much more approachable. He still looks hot though, that much is for sure. Maybe Jake will calm down as time goes by? Maybe he needs to be medicated? I shudder.., I hate those kind of drugs. Grandpa Maxson roars with laughter at somethin Sherrif Rivera has said, he slaps the table hard and gets his hand smacked by Grandmaw Maxson as she re-straightens the table cloth.., I laugh. I bet that when Grandpa Maxson wants somthin done it better be done like yesterday hehehe. He just seems like a real 'Take charge' kinda dude. But he is very kind, very generous and clearly dotes on Granmaw Maxson. Granmaw Maxson is one awesome lady. I'm kinda scared of her but also like totally thrilled to have met her, you know what I mean? She is so kind and poised and perfect and gracious. She doesn't walk, she glides. She doesn't talk, she imparts, she enquires, she confides. She is a lady. She seems razor smart, but most of all she radiates care and comfort. Grandpa Maxson shines like the sun. And Granmaw Maxson reflects his light, a lunar goddess to his Apollo. I overheard her tellin Momma that she was from one of the old diplomatic families in Washington D.C. I jez knew she weren't no native of this area lol, not with that refined accent. She had gone to grooming school in Switzerland as a child and then England for college. She had met a young Hale William Maxson at a Du Pont Circle Soiree in Washington and the rest as they say is history. He brought her back to his mountain fastness, she calls him her 'Appalachian Mountain Man' hehehe. I think she's Jessica's Hero(ine). Hell she's nearly mine too in just 40 minutes lol. It's been an interesting way to meet the Maxson's but the truth is, we haven't really gotten to the nitty gritty yet. They are gonna have us come up next weekend and spend time with them on our own and with Uncle Gary too. The next weekend is when my Grandfolks arrive. I guess there's gonna be a mighty big shin-dig then. I excuse myself and head to the bathroom, yes it's luxurious and OTT like everything here! When washing my hands I couldn't see any fawcets over the basin and was kinda beginning to panic. And then I notice two brightly colored blue tiles fixed into the floor below me, slightly raised higher than the other tiles. I instinctively step on the right hand tile and to my delight a warm bubbly stream of medicated soapy water streams forth from the lions head fixture over the basin. How ingenious! All y'all germ-freaks out there should get these kind of fixtures, you don't gotta touch nothin! I tap my foot on the left tile and pure cold water jets forth.., of course. Grinning to myself, I use the airtowel to dry my hands, head back out t'wards the other 'revellers' and the school 'Hookie team' - and discover Jessica exiting the ladies 'Powder Room' at the same time. What timing! She freezes, looks at me then looks down at her toes. My heart becomes heavy and my stomach churns. "Jessica are you okay?" - she nods her head imperceptibly. I can't tell if that was a yes or a no... "Jessica, please talk to me" I step t'wards her and she lets forth a quiet cry and a flurry of tears. She looks like she's gonna keel over and I make a grab for her. She falls into me and we hold onto one another grimly. She blurts out, "I know Felix, I know what's going on. I know what this is" I am in shock. "I knew this was going to happen and I am trying to come to terms with it but it still hurts" "Oh Jessica how can you forgive me?" I bury my head into her fine, wonderful hair and release the tension, shame and pain I have been experiencing since I took what was not mine to have. "I don't exactly forgive you, not yet" I flinch "Felix, do you believe in fate?" I nod my head yes, but it doesn't make me feel any better about anything, I feel awful! I step back from her still holding onto her, "Jessica why aren't you fighting for Jake? I don't understand, this is all so weird!?!" She looks up into my eyes and whispers.., "I should hate you, I should revile you. But I can't!" Her eyes flood and she returns her head to my shoulder sobbing piteously. "Jessica I'm sorry and I will stop what I been doin with Jake, I'm the one in the wrong!" She shakes her head and looks up into my eyes once more. Pain filled blue eyes lost of hope robbed of her dreams. And even still she looks at me with friendship and goodness. I begin to cry because I simply am not worthy of her good will. I think of what Jake is losing by messing around with me. He would give up this angel, to rut like a common alleycat with the likes of me? Unbelievable. "What's this?" - Oh God, worst luck... it's Jake. He's standing just a little down the shell flaked path and with him are his friends Clarke and Junior. The look of suspicion and fear in his eyes makes me suddenly angry and he compounds my anger with his next comment. "My hospitality does not extend to my girlfriend as well you know" He glances down and slightly behind him. I know he's doing this for the benefit of his bewildered buddies. "You wear my clothes and now you holdin my girl? So what's up?" He really needs to quit speaking, his mouth is running away with his good sense. I reply, "Jessica was not looking good, she stumbled and began crying and I was jez comforting her" Jake looks at her and in a somewhat dead voice says, "That true Jess?" Jessica straightens up and says, "Jake you of all people should know there's nothing going on here" Her blue eyes flash and his flinch. "In fact, I resent that question coming from the likes of you!" His eyes widen and he looks at me accusingly "What you been saying Jarrow! You been telling lies again?" But the only one lying here is him. He knows it, she knows it and I know it. And he knows that we know. He has that desperate cornered look in his eyes. I seen that look before. In my fathers eyes. He must think I told her... I already promised I wouldn't! He's willing to say anything in order to save face in front of Clarke and Junior. I see his game and it clearly answers all of the lil questions that were spinning through my mind earlier. His buddies look petrified, they don't want nothin to do with this. Especially after what went down this morning. They begin to back off but are halted by Jake's next comment. "Where you going boys?" Clarke cringes and then whines... "Uh we was just gonna go back that-a-way..." He nods his head back t'wards the glasshouse patio. "Wait up bro's, there's nothing to see here... I'm done here" His eyes refuse to meet mine and he turns to leave. Suddenly Jessica walks swiftly away from me grabs Clarke's hand and looks back at Jake - a searing, narrowed gaze. "No Jake, your'e not the one who's done here - I am" "Sort your life out Jake, and be truthful about it before you find yourself all alone, with no one to turn to and no where to go" I change my mind about his acting skills, he's a bad actor. "Jessica it's not me it's him!.., wait!" he cries. She waves him off, "Talk to you soon Felix, Boys, take me away from here" She walks away regal, imperious, never more beautiful, Clarke and Junior in tow and not a backward glance. I make to move past him, I just wanna leave, I never wanna see him again. I don't wanna remain in this place in this town or anywhere near him. "So that's how it's gonna be is it Felix?" his voice snaps at me with unjustified anger. "I save both our asses there and you just walk away without even a thanks?" My jaw drops and I whirl around... "Saved us from WHAT!?!?! What the Hell have you saved us from Jake?" He crosses his arms defensively and looks down on me. "You lied Jake because you didn't want your buddies to get a clue bout what's all goin on here!" I'm seething... "Hey Felix you just couldn't wait could you!" he's getting louder. "I thought I could trust you man! But you just had to tell her didn't you? You just couldn't wait to rub it in her face couldn't you!" He's grabbed hold of me and he shakes me. I am still overcome by his glorious scent. But it's fast becoming the rotting odor of self righteous, misinformed betrayal. "No Jake you got it all wrong" I try to shove him away but fail miserably. "Like Hell Felix! - why the Hell else would she be crying for huh? Why'd you have to go messin things up! I TOLD you I would talk to her!" I have had enough. "Mess what up Jake?" it's the voice. The weird voice thing has come back again and he releases me immediately. Mess what up Jake? - What is it exactly that I have messed up?" He's staring at me, just staring. "Are you referring to your life Jake? - such as it is?" No reply... "Have I messed up your life? Have I ruined your plans to have a lil bit of fun with me on the side all the while stringing Jessica and everyone else along?" No reply... "Was I meant to be complicit with your lies and deceit? Lying for you so that you could continue playing straight with your buddies even though you wanna start screwing me?" He growls... "Felix you better f---cking shut up now!" "Or what Jake?.., or what?" I step up to him, I don't know where I'm getting the strength from. He clenches his fists... "You gonna bash me sensless like usual? -- Go ahead." He flexes his body and growls again.., his eyes afire with barely constrained agitation. "Go on Jake, go ahead..." I step back and offer myself to him. "I'm waiting" He laughs - a harsh hateful laugh. "Don't get too cocky Felix, I just might take you up on your offer and put you out of your misery. Don't call my bluff because if you carry on like this I will bury your ass into the ground" I smashes his left fist into his right palm, and I flinch. "All you had to do was let me deal with Jessica, but you just couldn't f---cking leave it alone could you!" I shake my head in denial and he grabs me by my shoulders and shakes me. "I was gonna tell her Felix, I was gonna tell her tonight!" Tears fill his eyes and he shoves me to the ground, his whole visage beginning to diminish and unravel. I land relatively lightly... among the pretty pearly shells. "That's just it Jake, I never told her a thing, I never had to... it was her who told me -- she already knew.., She figured it out" His eyes show that he's beginning to realize he may have made a mistake. "But Felix - I saw you! -- I saw you and her..." he trails off. "No Jake, you saw nothing" "What was I meant to think Felix? - coming upon a scene like that? -- I saw you..." "No Jake you don't you see me..." I get up, dust myself off and begin to walk away. The only thing I have left of Jake are his old clothes. That is somehow strangely apt. 'You don't see me' I scream out in my mind. ****** (Jake) It's just seconds after he left and I replay a scene through my mind from a few minutes ago... I am shaking him by his shoulders, I look at him and I notice the cut on his ear has not healed, and the hairline bruise can still be seen. I am captured by the thought that I never noticed them whilst we were in the throes of passion. What subjective creatures we are! Our eyes seeing only what they want to see. Our ears hearing only what they want to hear. Voices that speak unaffordable words so that we might hang on just a little bit longer to our old lives all the while reaching for something better. How those words rebuke me as I gaze out from these condemned eyes. My ears may as well be painted on. And my honeyed words? They have been used to preserve a corpse. I begin to weep bitterly. These are not the tears of the young but of the old. I don't know how I know.., but it is true. I see what they mean when they say older and wiser. Every heartbreak ages us. That's how youth is cast off. That's how innocence is lost. His name escapes my lips in a gasping, quiet and broken shudder... Felix! I turn and stumble away into the ferns. ***************************************** Please join me again for the next chapter~ Contact the author - joejoeparkertex@yahoo.com