Date: Wed, 23 Sep 2009 06:00:39 -0700 (PDT)
From: Joe Parker <jjptex@yahoo.com>
Subject: I think I'm in Trouble Chapter 23

I THINK I'M IN TROUBLE

PART I

CHAPTER XXIII


No way forward
I'm gonna go back
Things were better then
Being a kid
Yeah I'm heading on back

I don't need
To know what's real
If I'm too young
To understand

My toys are loyal
They have waited
All this time
Outcomes I can control

And now
I can save myself
Because I can be
A hero in this world
Of my childhood

So much to do
But not enough time
With what's left
I'll still fool myself
That everything's alright
Once again.

Felix's Song~

(FELIX)

I was born on a cold January night in Louisville Kentucky. There was little
fanfare or exclamation over my arrival from my fathers side. He had just
gone to prison for fraudulently signing checks at the time and my paternal
grandmother did not want to recognize me, she already had thirteen other
grandkids to help raise.

Mommas family was all caught up in the unfortunate circus of the premature
birth of the baby I have come to know as Jake just a month earlier. So they
were kinda too distracted to be able to properly offer congratulations to
my Momma for havin her first child.., me. You know, I should have been born
before Jake was. I should have been the older one but due to his being
traumatically delivered via emergency cesarean nearly three months
premature , we ended up swapping positions of seniority.  I have heard that
most prematurely born babies will usually remain smaller as they grow
because they did not gestate to full term. Jake certainly put paid to that
thought.

My childhood was relatively happy and except for sporadic appearances by my
father it was quite settled. He would appear once or twice every year or so
full of promises and assurances about changing his ways and providing for
us. I eventually learned not to hold out much hope of him being a man of
his word but before I reached that point I was deeply wounded several times
because of his let downs. Until Uncle Ryan came along I never did have much
of a positive view about fathers.

We never did have that much but that was OK. The Jarrows always shared
whatever they had and I never went without the basics. I just knew not to
expect anything more than three square meals a day and good sturdy clothes
albeit hand me downs for the most part. To be honest I really liked my
life.  I made good grades, had good friends and my Mommas family were never
far away when we needed them. We lived in a semi rural area just outside of
Louisville Kentucky and until Uncle Gary decided to move to West Virginia I
thought I would spend my whole life in Kentucky. I was preparing myself to
go to Harlan and head down the mines.

I was gonna have me a wife, I was gonna get me some children and I was
gonna work hard so that I could help the next generation of Jarrows coming
through. My dream was to help the other Jarrows establish a new home place
for our family, much like the old one Grandpa John James lost to the
Maxson's. Well you know what they say bout the best laid plans. Here I am
facing the end of my life.., already. I can hear myself screaming out in
the silence of my mind that I am too young to die. But nobody can hear. I
have been shot and as I hold my hand to my shoulder I am preparing myself
for the next bullet.  It wasn't meant to end like this. It wasn't meant to
be this way. What's wrong with her? Why didn't I listen to the guys, why
didn't I listen to Jake? I'm so mad at myself. They was right, this lady
really is evil. Her eyes are glazed and uncaring. They sear right through
me cutting me with feelings of hatred and madness. But I can sense other
feelings too. Self disgust, alienation and her own despair. All of which
are being taken out on me. I can't just let my life go without asking why?

"Miss Aimee why are you doing this?" I hold my hand hard against the bullet
wound in my shoulder trying to stem the blood that drains furiously from
out of the hole she has shot in me.

"Why? You ask why boy? I do this because I hate you, I hate all of you and
I want you to suffer the way I have suffered!" she shakes her head as if
trying to clear it.

"But I never did it! I ain't been nothin but nice to y all! Why did you
shoot me?"

"I did it just because I could Felix. Just because I could." She says.

"Do you understand what I am saying?"

I shake my head coz I don't get it.

"You men do it all the time. You just decide how things are gonna be and
you go ahead and do it.  You are stronger but no more intelligent than
us. You are aggressive and you throw your weight
 around careless of who can get caught in the crossfire!"

"But Miss Aimee I have never been like that to any lady!" I protest.

"Don't look me in the eye boy!" She roars.

"You are NOT my equal!!!" she takes aim at my head and I hear an ominous
click.

I cast my eyes downwards and I begin to shake. I notice my blood is making
a thick little puddle on the bare floorboards.

"You say you have not mistreated women but you will, given the chance to
live, which you will not."

I flinch and silent tears begin to fall as her trigger finger starts to
complete the action that will find my head and fill it with lead.

BANG!!!

It was the rock song on my cellphone that saved me. It was some song by
Journey that Jake likes. It was my Jake! I jumped in fright at the sudden
ringing signal thinking it was the gun going off. The gun did fire a split
second after my phone rang but she missed. My sudden movement caused Aimee
to jerk away as she shot at me and so she missed me. The gun goes off a
second time however and this time it hits home somewhere I don't know
where. I roll onto my side and curl my knees. My vision begins to fade. The
final images of my life start to roll before me.

.........


I'm dying. I can't keep up. Why did I agree to go running up this blasted
hill for? I vaguely recall looking forward to watching the globes of Jakes
succulent butt sliding under the silk of his running shorts as we ran. And
what a great sight it was too.., at first. But now I can hardly lift my
eyes above the reflector strips of his expensive Asics running shoes.

My Jake, my beautiful, incomparable Jake moves up the hill ahead of me. I
can tell that his build is slightly too muscular to be a natural runner but
his sheer force of will makes him one regardless.

"Hold on babe, just hold on. We're almost home." he calls back to me.

He called me 'babe'. I smile.

I know he is deliberately running slower than he usually does. He is doing
it for me, encouraging me, being considerate of me. It means all the world
to me. I am too out of breath to respond so I send psychic messages of love
to his long broad back. But it's his beautiful butt that gives me the extra
charge that I need.

Suddenly he turns his head and scoffs.. then he turns around - still
running uphill just backwards,

"Are you checking me out dude?"

All I can do is blush and look away, he smirks. Alright already! I'm still
learning this psychic messaging stuff OK?  Jake slows down even more and
now runs beside and slightly behind me, every now and then nudging me
encouragingly with his body as we finally top the hill. I let out a whoop
of joy and put on a burst of speed that I never knew I had! Jake is caught
out by my energetic display and for a few moments is totally left behind in
my wake.

We both smile at each other when he slowly but surely comes abreast of me
again, his long ground eating lope inexorably reining me in. He makes sure
we reach the bear fountain together. I smile because his current
considerate behavior is a far cry from the self interested totally self
absorbed persona he usually portrays.

I can see care and concern in his eyes as he takes me through the warming
down exercises. I can tell that he loves helping me to new stuff and do new
or different things. His eyes are very blue when he's outside. Like an icy
mountain sky. And I will always treasure the way he smiles at me when he is
helping me. His beautiful brilliant smile.

.........


Now I am in the kids bedroom reading to them. It was back in Kentucky just
a month or so before we came here and Uncle Gary's old dog Badger has just
died. I am reading the Rainbow Bridge story.  "Just this side of heaven is
a place called Rainbow Bridge...

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that
pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our
special friends so they can run and play together.  There is plenty of
food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor;
those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we
remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each
miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops
and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body
quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green
grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet,
you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy
kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and
you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from
your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together...."

The kids eyes are filled with tears and so are mine. Badger was a real
great friend and now he's gone, it's just not fair.

"I wanna go to the Rainbow Bridge right this instants peeese Unca
Feelicks!" says Abigail.

"Me too peeese now!" cries little Shaun who is trying to crawl even further
into my arms than he already is.

"Well we cannot go jez yet coz ole Badger needs some time to get all better
and all and have a good sleep OK? But one day he will be ready and so will
you and then you can go visit him at the Rainbow Bridge."

I hope it's enough to satisfy them, I'm so glad they are so tired. Sleep is
just around the corner.

"OK then Unca Feelicks. We will go to sleep and you can take us to the
Rainbows in the mornings."

"Ummm OK Abigail darlin..."

Drat I shouldn't have said that! I'm gonna need Mommas help on this
one. Abby never forgets!

I tuck them both into bed and turn out the light leaving on their glowing
bear night light which changes colors.

"Goodnight lil darlins, I will see y all in the mornin." I whisper.

Lil Shaun is already asleep tiny little tears still present on his face. I
kiss them away. Abigail is right on the brink of slumber.

"Goodnights Unca Feelick, you won't go away like Badger did will you?"

"No sweetheart, I ain't goin nowhere. I'll be seeing you in the mornin."

"OK thens..."

She rolls over sticks her thumb in her mouth and falls instantly to sleep.

.........


Miss Carol waves her piece of toast in the air as she speaks.

"As long as y alls stay right close y alls will be safe boys"

I slowly begin turning red. Does she know that Jake is playing footsie with
me under the table?  Surely not! I sure hope not.

"Don't be tempted by de offerings of de Devil!"

I look at Jake, he looks at me and she looks at both of us. That ancient
knowing look on her face sure has cooled off both our ardor! Like what was
Jake thinking, playing around like that in front of Miss Carol! Eeeeeeeeek!

I make a promise to myself NOT to get entangled with Jake at the breakfast
table again! I get the feeling Miss Carol is letting us get away with it
just this once.

Meeting this grand ole lady has been one of the most amazing moments of my
life so far. I can hardly believe that someone can be this old and still be
so sprightly but there she is, still goin strong at 104 or whatever age she
is.

Her wisdom is way beyond cool and although she can be real unnerving,
there's a genuine sense of safety and a presence of power about her that I
ain't never felt round nobody else before. When I first met her I noticed
she had smilin eyes, I love folks who got smilin eyes.

I felt like she already knew me the moment she met me. I can't explain it
but she seemed to just recognize me on a level that I don't quite
understand and can't really explain to you. She totally disarmed me with
her warmth and sense of humor and it wasn't long before she had me eating
out of her hands.

I love the warmth she gives off, radiating care and love like a small
sun. This wonderful ole lady whose eyes have seen so many things. I
perceive she can see forwards into the future too. What does she foresee
for me?

...

Well I guess I had better go and see what Principal Lewis wants with me...

"You watch that old gal dude." Mark warns.

"She's got it in for you."

"Ha! - last time I looked it was YOU she had the knives out for Marky
Mark!"

He startles me by grabbing my arm, he smells so fresh and clean...

"Listen to me Felix, some thing's not right about her and I think that
anybody who gets too close to her needs to watch out!"

He looks at me earnestly and I wonder to myself

'How the hell does Jessica resist this guy?'. He's like some kind of golden
blond knight.

"Hehe okay dude you are kind of freaking me out here" I am all squirmy now.

"Good be freaked out and stay freaked out, it might just save your life one
day..."

He releases my arm and I begin to walk office-wards.

"Hehe you ain't related to Miss Carol are ya?" I look back down the hall.

"Dude do not go there!" he looks at me, real serious.

"She talks to the angels!"

"Thought y alls dint believe in angels an all?" The distance now between us
makes my voice echo.

"Hmmm maybe not but I DO believe in her..,

See you Felix, wouldn't wanna be you!"

Mhmm I remember saying that myself to Jake jez yesterday.

I really do think that everybody is overreacting a lil. I reckon it's jez
small town politics.  She is the principal after all and she's got
everybody watching her. I guess with all the warnings that I am gonna be
fully prepared for anything she has to throw at me. I believe that if you
show people respect and treat them right then they will respond in
kind. And if they don't well it ain't the end of the world.

...

Uncle Ryan is speaking to me..,

"You know Felix, there was one other thing she told me too. She said that
there is a tower of light that shines from within you and it makes people
love you." says Uncle Ryan.

All I can do in response to that is crick my neck. It's a habit I have
recently picked up from Jake.  Unca Ry observes me curiously causing me to
stop mid-crick and blush. He raises an eyebrow questioningly.

"Wow ummm I don't know what to say Unca Ryan but gee thanks! I think I am a
happy person by nature and maybe I can kinda make other people happy too,
especially when they're down."

"Hmmm yeah I think so too but the final thing she said about you was very
much a warning."

"Uh what was that Unca Ry?"

"She said that a light on the hill can just as easily been seen by the evil
as the good.  You must continue to shine that light my boy, but you will
need to know your friends from your foes...."

...

But now Felix' miscalculation has come back to smite him. Shot twice he now
lies in a pool of his own blood on the floor his breathing erratic, caught
in a dis-rhythm of deep and shallow breaths.  His phone beeps continuously
in his pocket.

His ears prick up, recognizing the tune as his lovers. His quickly tiring
hands reach for his phone.

"Leave it!" the woman snaps. She has sat herself down on a dusty old sofa
and is busily puffing away on a cigarette, a habit she has rediscovered in
recent days. The boy has disregarded her. How dare he!

"I said leave it!!!" she roars.

But he no longer cares. He will spend his final moments with his beloved
regardless of what she says.

He grasps and produces his phone, flips open the lid and gurgles a message
to his love.

"Help me Jake. I love you."

Aimee kicks the phone out of his hands and then kicks him in the head
illiciting a scream of pain from the boy. She shudders with delight,
remembering having done the exact same thing to her previous victim.

She hears a loud questioning voice is heard calling Felix' name
insistently.

"Can you hear me Jake Maxson?!? Can you hear me you B##tard!!!"

Her discordant laughter echoes around the room.

"I am about to kill your little catamite and you get to hear it!"

She cackles uproariously at the shouting coming from the other end of the
phone.  She has a sudden thought... she grabs the phone, trains it on Felix
and then switches the cam on.

"I'll send you this nifty little clip soon of his final moments hahaha!"

She considers the prone figure of the boy on the floor.

"Alright Felix, lucky for you I don't have the time to subject you to my
special ministrations.  You have successfully managed to alert your faggot
boyfriend so we will have to end it here.  She jams the reinforced door key
door deep into the grate of an old vent in the wall. They are now
trapped. She rips a piece of cloth from the tired old drapes, soaks it in
whiskey and sets it aside. By time anyone gets near enough to do
anything.., she and the boy will be dancing a fiery jig because very
shortly she will set the place alight and she will shoot anybody who comes
near enough to try and extinguish the flames.

She settles down into the easy chair, trains the phone camera on the boy
and sits back to await the tragic cavalry.

"Oh Master!" She calls.

"Look what I have done for you!"

"Jake Maxson! - Observe the final moments of your beloved!" her screamed
taunt silences the panicked shouting voice on the other end of the phone.


JAKE

I was slightly annoyed at Felix for begging off from our planned four
o'clock meeting with Dad and Jess's father because I thought this meeting
would do him a lot of good.  I have to admit Felix was acting a bit spacey
today but we all were. This was the day of Miss Carol's funeral and we were
all feeling it. Part of me keeps wanting to pretend that she didn't
actually die, that she is gonna come bustling around the corner any moment
now. The reality though is still too horrible to stomach, I am getting good
at blocking it all out which is something she always taught was unhealthy.

When we finally did meet in Dad's study I was surprised to see not only
Jessica's dad Mr Thomas there but also Old Droner and John Phillips,
another of my dads oldest friends who's also one of our senior
lawyers. Juniors Dad Sheriff Rivera was there as well but I wasn't much
interested in his presence because of the skeptical reception he had given
our concerns previously.

I was very confident that this time we would be able to convince the olds
of our suspicions surrounding Aimee and Principal Lewis' involvement in
Clarke's disappearance, abduction and rape.  Regardless, I had already made
up my mind to go after them irrespective of the outcome here today.  I had
a weird moment, I don't know what to call it but I looked around the room
at my buddies – Junior, Mark,and even the girls Beth, Jess, Lenore and
Clarke's long suffering, still suffering ex-girlfriend Sue. And as
intolerable as they are, they were all a part of this weird moment. My
vision clouded and I saw us all as older, like maybe ten years
older. Jessica was pregnant and married to Mark who had a stethoscope slung
casually over his shoulder. Beth and Junior were also married and looked
pretty happy.

Lenore was present and looked like some kind of businesswoman. I detected a
gun holster under her jacket... hmmm what was going on there? There was no
sign of Sue but at the other end of the room stood a couple of
figures. They kept fading in and out and were quite transparent. The more
vivid one was Clarke and although the other was much more transparent I
could tell it was my baby. I blinked and then I blinked again trying to
make sense of what I was seeing. Is this what Miss Carol sees?  Does this
kind of thing happen to her?

By the time I completed that thought the vision had drifted away into the
past or the future or wherever the hell things like that go. I don't know
where they go but that was the first of three very strange, fey incidents
that would occur during the course of our meeting with the olds.

We had just gotten started when the second incident occurred. The Sheriff's
phone goes off and he excuses himself, and starts walking towards a door
that leads into Dads secretary's office all the while listening to someone
who is excitedly nattering away on the other end of the phone. All of a
sudden he stops dead in his tracks, turns and looks straight at Dad, myself
and his son Junior.

"That was Jeb. Somethings happened at the hospital.., to Clarke"

He has everybody's immediate attention and I'm thinking 'Oh God please
don't take Clarke away from us now.' I can see looks of horror on the faces
of Junior and Sue. Sue flashes a look of utter hatred at Lenore who also
looks horrified.

"Georgia Lewis just tried to kill him! She shot him and he's in ER."

"My God..." Dad sinks back into his huge leather chair, the same one I
upended the other day when I came running in here like a little crybaby.

"The deputy just told me that she's dead and that some little boy killed
her? What the hells going on out there?"

The whole room is frozen. This news is so surreal that we don't quite know
how to react, not even the Sheriff whom you would think would be rather
more used to this kind of stuff. I guess it's a little too close to home.

It's Junior who is first to react. He's up on his feet and out the door
before anyone has a chance to stop or question him. I think we all know
where he's headed and there's no use in trying to stop him.  Sue looks like
she wishes she could have gone with him. Like the rest of us she has been
visiting Clarke nearly every day at the hospital. And there is a fury
burning in her to find and seriously maim whoever it was that did this to
Clarke. She seems grateful for the supportive arms of Beth and now Jessica
who have now surrounded her.

I sit there staring at Lenore and Mark. I guess the whole tone of this
meeting is about to change.  There's no longer any need to try and convince
the olds about these women and at least one of them appears to now be out
of commission... permanently. What happened to her? Who is this kid they're
talking about? A sudden thought arrests my mental process... Oh god! –
could it be Mikey? Then another thought strikes me.

"Sheriff, Dad.., we have got to apprehend Aimee Kohl?"

My father who has just been pouring himself and the other three men a good
stiff scotch looks up and considers me. His eyes are angry, saddened and
his whole demeanor indicates extreme concern.

"Good point son, I guess this is now in the hands of the law."

Dad glances at the Sheriff. In my 'Dad-speak' which is what I call it, my
Dad has just told the Sheriff in no uncertain terms what he thinks should
be happening. John Phillips smiles wryly at Jessica's Dad and then my Dad
before raising his eyebrow at Sheriff Rivera. These guys are like the way
older version of me Clarke, Mark and Junior etc. I guess we will be
somewhat like them in another twenty five to thirty years. The Sheriff
looks at them sourly before sculling down his scotch. He puts his hand out
for the next one.

"If she's still here we will take her in for questioning. If she's not then
'll get a car and go find her I guess." sighs the Sheriff.

Lenore does not miss the opportunity to scowl at her father.

"It seems drink driving might run in the family huh Papa?"

"You just keep your mouth shut girl. And don't worry, I will get Deputy
Johnson to drive me wherever I need to go. Since your brother has flown the
coop, you can catch a ride back down with your mother when she's ready to
leave. I want you at home."

Lenore flounces over to the window to gaze out upon the stormy visage of a
dark and cold funerary day. The tops of the tallest trees can clearly be
seen swaying like little boats on a tempest tossed sea.  I guess there's
not much to do except to find Aimee. I think nows a good time to call Felix
and let him know what's going on. I wonder if he is still gonna refuse to
connect the dots and accept that Aimee is involved in this whole drama as
well?

"Ry, I'm gonna leave now. I'll get the Deputy to take me down to
Charleston." says the Sheriff.

"Actually, belay that Junior..." says my father.

"We'll take the helicopter."

"Without waiting for his reply Dad makes the call.

I really want to go too but I also want to make sure my baby is OK.

I hit speed-dial for my baby's my phone. His phone will start playing
Journeys 'Don't stop believing'.  It's the song I asked him to load for
when I call. I don't know why coz he's not exactly a 'small town girl' but
I love Journey -- Dad got me into them and this was the first song I
thought of when I was selecting a ringtone for my baby. Anyway it's just
the beginning part, the piano intro.  The first time we met I remember
going into a kind of trance like state. Everything went into slow motion,
all normal sounds became altered and the moment I let myself look fully
into the violet candles of his eyes I was done. I was lost, it was all over
for me. I felt like I was swimming underwater.

My heart began insisting that this being, this boy not girl, this boy
before me was my soul mate. I couldn't handle it. I cracked. I listened to
the mindscream that pierced the call of my heart and I lashed out. I was
wrong, so wrong.

And now my brain is overloading with agony, and so is my heart, my spirit
and my soul. And they are all calling out the same thing. My beloveds life
is in mortal danger. I can somehow sense that so much of it has already
flowed out of this reality and is seeping quickly into the next, into a
place where I can't go. I don't know what is going on but something is very
wrong.

And then she comes on the line. Her gloating, braying voice cajoling me,
taking pleasure from the cruelty she has visited upon my Felix. I can't
repeat what she said because it f----ing makes my blood boil. She has Felix
and she is going to do something to him, kill him. I don't care what she
said, I don't care about what she is shouting. All I care about is him,I
keep hearing his words in my mind over and over again.

"Help me Jake. I love you..."

And his screaming just before she grabbed the phone off him and began her
taunts. Felix being in pain is more than I can bear. Pain being
deliberately inflicted upon Felix for no reason is beyond my ability to
reason or understand. Pain being inflicted upon Felix for ANY reason is
beyond me. For now I have to put it aside. I just can't deal with it
yet. But I know one things for sure, she will pay for that. My Dad is at my
side. I never noticed him move from his desk.

"Son, what was that? What's going on – was that Felix?"

"Dad Aimee has Felix and she told me she is gonna kill him, Dad we gotta
find him!

"We can't let anything happen to him Dad. We can't let her k--, hurt him!"

That's when the cam-vid arrives. Till the end of my days I will never be
able to erase the images of my Felix being subjected to the horror of that
evil woman.

I start to sob.

I am in my fathers arms. He is holding me tight.

"Jacob everything will be alright. The Sheriff is already taking care of
this. See? - he is on the phone right now sending out an urgent dispatch
and they will go by Georgia's house.

"Dad let's go down there, I gotta get to him."

"No, we will not be going anywhere. We will wait here and let the police
department do its job son."

"Dad! - No!"  "Jacob I'm not asking you, I am telling you. I won't let you
put yourself in danger. I just can't, we will only get in the way.., your
grandmother would kill me."

I try to break free of him but his grasp is ironclad.

For the first time in my life I use all of my not inconsiderable strength
against my own father and I push him away from me with all my might. We are
both shocked. I can see the wide eyed look of surprise on the face of my
Dad as well as the faces of Dads friends and my childhood friends. Mark,
Jessica, Sue, and Beth and Lenore are all agape, their postures conveying a
mixture of fear and shock. He didn't fall over but he nearly did. I have
managed to push him nearly fifteen feet across the room, almost into the
arms of the older Junior Rivera who looks uncertain about what to do,
something that has been happening a lot of late.

I am burdened with a huge sense of having done something wrong. I have laid
hands on my father.  But even so, there is a greater emotion washing over
me, filling me with determination, driving me on.

I look defiantly into my fathers hurt eyes refusing to acknowledge that I
have forgotten myself in his presence. Even though it kills me to do so, I
have to show him how serious I am.

"Look I don't care what you all do or where you wanna wait, just don't stop
me from trying to find Felix."

Dads eyes are pleading.

"I just don't want you to get hurt please son, you're, you are all I've
got. Forgive me for being selfish and this is nothing against Felix – I
love the boy too and am worried sick, what am I going to tell his mother?
But Jacob you are my everything. I made a promise to your mother..." he
looks down and starts to cry.

John Phillips and Jessica's Dad come over and put their arms around
Dad. Mark comes over to me.  Old Droner sits stunned in his chair, pinching
his nose.

I can't believe we are having this emotional scene at a time like this! I
am gonna kick my own ass for hurting my Dad later but for right now I've
got to go, I can't be doing this when Felix' life hangs in the balance.

"You see that's just it Dad. If this was Mother or Felix' Mom there would
be no stopping you.  And I just want you to understand that I am the same
with Felix."

"But you are my son, you're all I've got and you are still so young."

"Dad how old were you when you fell for my mother?"

The silence in the room could be cut through with a knife.

Suddenly the Sheriff who's been on the phone at Dad's desk speaks up.

"Georgia Lewis' house is on fire and there is a little blue Toyota hatch
outside the house."

My feet are already moving...

"I'm gone, y'all know where I'll be. I'm so sorry Dad..."

My voice is firm, unemotional, robotic.

He catches me at the door.

"Go to the heli-pad son, the pilots already there waiting to take us to the
hospital. But we'll fly down to Felix instead. It'll only take a couple of
minutes if that."

I just nod and we're off. I am strengthened by the touch of my Dads hand on
my back, steering me along, supporting me once again. My mind begins
replaying the images of Aimee torturing my baby and I start to sprint. I
roar with anguish and terror and incredible anger. Why!?! Why would anyone
want to do this to Felix? My angel my baby. I will never meet anybody like
Felix. His gentle beautiful nature, his caring selflessness, his
irrepressible desire to serve others and make everybody be happy and
comfortable. The exact opposite of me.

Those awful images race unbidden into my mind. There he is lying in a pool
of his own blood his incredible, unforgettable, innocent eyes puzzled and
confused. Staring out like a fatally wounded deer, unable to quite fathom
how it is that his life has come to this? Uncomprehending as to why
somebody could hate him this way and struggling to understand just what it
is he's done so wrong as to deserve all this?

Amazingly he's smiling, even still, even after all that's been inflicted
upon him I can see the smile on his face, the love is still there in his
beautiful luminous yet fading eyes. Even through the excruciating pain,
even in spite of the critical circumstances that have led his life to this
horrible, objectionable, uncalled for moment.

That smile is for me, I know it is. How is it that in a matter of mere
weeks my whole life has become so totally entwined in and dependent upon
the love of this wondrous creature? He snuck into my heart and he became my
everything and my all. He understands me, and I him. He doesn't just
complete me.., he exceeds me.

And even as somebody tries to steal his life away from him and him away
from me, even as his whole world is about to end and mine with it.., still
he tries to smile for me. Tries to tell me that everything will somehow be
OK. Always thinking of me and my comfort, my needs at the expense of his
own, even till the bitter end. It's his own last little way of defying the
outrage that has been committed against him.

Only Felix could think to do it in such a way, only my Felix, only my
beautiful Felix. He has decided that if this is it for him, then he and he
alone will be the arbiter of how he chooses to spend his final moments. His
lips don't have to move to tell me he loves me. His glorious, incomparable
eyes say it all.

Our eyes are NOT the same, mine are a darker color purple and his lighter
but more than this.., his eyes possess an infinite unknowable tenderness
and grace that is far beyond me or anything I could ever be. I am merely
mortal in this respect but Felix - and everything about Felix is truly a
supernatural experience. In his eyes I see a love so deep that I know it is
eternal.

There is something, somewhere about Felix that is unreachable and he has
now gone to that unknowable, incalculable place. I give thanks that he
appears to have now left his current experience. But what about me? I have
only just gotten to know him, my other half and now to lose him like this?

I am bereft.

The helicopter ride down the mountain would take us less than a couple of
minutes, but they were two minutes too long.

...

KATHLEEN JARROW

Kathleen sits in her cozy chair enjoying the warmth of the nursery. After a
little small talk with some of the other mothers she has grabbed herself a
nice creamy coffee and tucked herself into the corner next to her little
charges cots. It's terrible how these precious little tots have lost a
mother, her brother a loving wife. She is so thankful the children have
accepted her as their new mother. Abigail has even been practicing calling
her Mom lately. Lil Shaun probably won't be too far behind. Kathleen smiles
and then sighs.

Why does life have to be this way? Gary and the kids have lost their wife
and mother, Jake lost his mother in terribly tragic circumstances, Felix
has pretty much lost his Dad in troubled unfortunate circumstances... it
just isn't fair. She blushes and feels a little guilty in the knowledge
that the only reason she has a chance with Ryan is due to the death of her
beautiful cousin Shonta. Kathleen marvels at the cycle of life and all its
glorious mysteries.

"God bless you Shonta, you will have met Miss Carol by now. Give her a hug
for me."

She looks outside at the stunning gardens. Even on a terrible day like this
they still look wonderful.  Even with the definite onset of Winter and this
awful wicked weather there is no mistaking that this is a well tended and
beautifully designed garden. How is it that such perfect scenery seems to
blunt the depressing impact of these atrocious conditions? Thank God the
kids are finally asleep but they seem to be tossing and turning. It's been
a long, complex, emotional day and the little ones were no less touched by
the amazing ceremony than anyone else was. They really took a shine to the
wonderful old lady, and they will miss her.

A helicopter skids swiftly through the gloom its accompanying noise muffled
by the soundproofed walls and double glazed windows. Kathleen shivers,
thankful that it is not she who has to ride in one of those things on a day
like this. It's a big powerful looking one but she'd still rather not be in
it. She finds it a little unusual that it has a blindingly bright spotlight
switched on. What for? She is startled and nearly spills her coffee as the
children wake up screaming.

"Feelicks! Unca Feelicks is on fire! Help him Momma!" screams Abigail.

"Feelick down there! Help peese help hims!" cries lil Shaun.

Felix is on fire?!? Kathleen cannot comprehend this. What can Abby possibly
mean?

Other mothers are glancing over and some of the other kids have been
woken. Her two kids won't quit screaming so she scoops them both up and
rushes out into the reception room and then through the next set of double
doors into a large corridor nearly colliding with Miss Alicia Maxson, her
personal assistant lady and young Beth. Without having to be asked Alicia
takes the squealing little boy into her arms while Beth closes the
reception room door properly. Abby clings tightly to Kathleen.

"Oh my dear Kathleen, Ryan has sent me to tell you that a situation is
developing down below and it involves your son."  Alicia gives the two
children a considering glance and then appears to make a mental decision
not to mention any exact details.

"We know where he is and are ready to take you to him immediately if that
is what you desire."

Kathleen removes her hand from over her own mouth to speak.

"Yes of course but the children come too, I, I can't leave them alone!"

"As you wish dear. Your brother is already headed down and a car is waiting
for us. Let us all go together shall we?"

"Follow me ladies, we will take a short cut to a side entrance away from
view."

Kathleen nods numbly and is whisked away through a new door and down a
unadorned rather narrow passage she has never seen before. What on Earth is
going on? The children knew something was wrong before Alicia even had the
chance to tell her. She has always known the kids were touched but this is
so crazy! She hugs a still sobbing Abigail to her body as she follows close
on the heels of the sprightly old matriarch of the Maxson mansion.

Tears finally begin to fall as they enter a service elevator. The old lady,
who still has a frightened little boy clinging to her smiles reassuringly
at Kathleen.

"I promise you Kathleen, we are doing everything possible to make things
right."

Kathleen nods and accepts the kind offer of a fresh handkerchief.

"Please God watch over my son, look after my baby!" she begs.

She was unaware that she was speaking her thoughts out loud.

***

JUNIOR~

'Chains, my baby's got me wrapped up in chains, And they ain't the kind,
that you can see, Woah these chains of love, got a hold on me, Yeah~'

Junior hums along to the music as he races down the mountain. Some old song
from the 50's or 60's he doesn't know. It's good coz it gets his mind off
thinking about his buddy Clarke. How can all of these crazy things be
happening? Nothing ever happens in Forkridge, everybody knows that! But in
the last few weeks all hell has broken loose.

Ever since Felix Jarrow came to town actually... No! He can't think like
that! Felix is a great guy.  Junior nods to himself as he reaches the
bottom of the mountain road and motors out through the raised barrier gate
which marks the end of Maxson territory, or the beginning depending on
which direction you are going. He barely registers the small building where
Clarke conducted so many of his clandestine trysts. The passing of his
truck activates a lonely security light as he speeds by.

Its bluish white incandescence casts an eerie, spectral glow into the
quickly darkening gloom before it deactivates once again giving way to the
ever encroaching night.

It's not until he is almost at the turn off to Charleston that he notices
the orange glow of what must be some kind of the house fire about a mile
down the road in the opposite direction. His curiosity is defeated by his
desire to get to his friend at the hospital. That fire must be over
Sycamore Avenue way. He doesn't know anybody out there. Junior turns off
and starts the one hour journey down to Charleston, he'll do it in forty
minutes easy. It keeps bugging him that maybe he should go back and check
out that fire.

He passes Fast Eddies' and it's just as he's passing the old Motel that he
finds himself turning his truck around to head back into town.

"Clarke my old buddy, I know that if you were with me, you would want us to
check that fire out. It's the dalmatian in us haha!"

He hasn't even stopped laughing when his phone begins ringing. The tune
confirms the call as being from Lenore – it's 'You know I'm a hoe' by
Master P. He decides to get his two cents in before she starts spouting.

"Lenore shut up..."

"Matthew you don't even know what I'm gonna say!"

"Well whatever it is just shut up, and tell Dad he can shut up too! I gotta
do what I gotta do besides something else has just come up..."

"..., Matthew please listen carefully."

Juniors ears prick up at the different tone of his sisters voice.

"I'm listening."

"Something terrible is unfolding at principal Lewis' house. Aimee Kohl has
set the place on fire and she has got Felix there. I need you to turn back
now and go to Georgia's house immediately!"

"What! - Well I'm already on it. Does Jake know? Where is he? What about
Dad?"

"Jake, Dad and Uncle Ryan are headed there by helicopter as we speak so
they might actually get there before you. The fire brigade have been called
so stay out of their way. I just think we should all be there."

"OK and how are you coming down then?"

"With Mark, and Sue, we had to give Jessica's Dad and Mr Phillips, that
other lawyer the slip first but mission accomplished. Oh God Matthew I've
got a bad feeling about this!"

"Don't talk like that Lennie! I'll see you down below in a few minutes and
tell whoever to drive carefully."

"OK you drive carefully too, see you shortly. Bye."

"Bye."

Junior can only shake his head. This town is all gone crazy. He hopes Felix
is alright.


AIMEE KOHL

Aimee Kohl chuckles. The heavy old drapes sure make a good fire
starter. She takes another swig from her bottle of booze. She squints her
right eye trying to look out of her left eye in order to check that the
prone body of her prey is still where she left it. It has started panting
now, like a fatally wounded bird. She considers shooting at it again but
it's better this way. If she shoots it again it might die too soon and
there would be no fun in that!

She examines the thing that lies in a pool of its own blood across the
room. Such an unusual little bird he is, so sweet, so willing to help her
because of her 'disability'. But she wonders if he would have been so eager
if not for her apparent lameness? Probably, but there's always one who goes
against the grain isn't there? Surely he must have been lying to her at
least some of the time these past two weeks. Nobody can be that nice,
especially not a male, and even if he was - it wouldn't have taken long
before his true nature began to assert itself.

So there it lies, squirming slowly, its limbs contracting and reaching -
but for what? There is nothing left to achieve, it must simply be its body
reacting beyond its ability to control itself. What annoys her is that
stupid smile upon its face. It's still there. It has an almost beatific
aspect to it. She walks over to it and begins to grind her foot into it's
mouth. This is how she dislodged the teeth from the mouth of her last
victim.

Sirens! She can hear sirens coming closer and closer. Well it didn't take
them long did it? She certainly has no intentions of letting them get
inside anytime soon. Not until it's far too late. They will only be
producing ashes from this fire. The room is now fully ablaze and the smoke
and heat drives her towards the window. The thing across the room of course
can't move. Good! Let it roast there. Eventually the smoke itself will
superheat and then the mere act of breathing it in will be fatal.

She crouches down to the floor and finds herself coughing due to the
asphyxiating smoke being produced by the burning materials. Looking outside
the window she can see that the fire service is keeping its
distance. Obviously they have been forewarned. There are two police cars
there too now and the whir of a helicopter can be heard from above. The
fire truck aims one of its appliances towards Georgia's burning house and a
powerful jet of water hits the house smashing the window causing her to hit
the floor. A merciful stream of water hits the thing on the floor providing
respite from the ever increasing heat. But it has finally stopped
moving. The body has begun to steam from the water.

The smashed window may have allowed some water to enter the room but it has
also enabled extra oxygen to come in as well and that serves only to
further fan the fire. The flames race rapidly up the wall dancing like
whirling dervishes to the ceiling before changing color to various hues of
blue and purple as they fan out across the ceiling. Aimee takes another
glance outside the window. In just those few seconds a whole host of new
vehicles have appeared, most of them with flashing lights affixed. She is
irritated by the fact that one of the fire engines has crept closer.

She takes careful aim at the drivers side of the cab and fires. The door
suddenly opens and a fireman leaps out and runs away. She must have aimed
well because the horn is stuck and is now blaring its head off. She smiles
with satisfaction Her master has made her aim true. A man lodged behind a
police car produces a loud hailer.

"Aimee Kohl this is Sheriff Rivera! Throw your weapons out onto the ground
now! Release your hostages immediately and come out with your hands up! You
are obstructing the fire service from doing their job!"

"What kind of fool are you!" She yells back.

"Of course I want to obstruct your men. That's MY job!

Anyone who comes close is gonna lose their life!" she calls back.

Another voice roars unaided by any loudhailer. The owner doesn't need one.

"Let Felix go now! Pleeeease I'm begging you please just let him go!"

"Ahhh Jake Maxson, it will only take about a minute longer and your little
lover and I will both be fiery history!"

Her voice drips with callous scorn.

"If you want your little slut back, come and get him!"

With a loud roar the idiot Maxson heir breaks free of the grasps of several
bystanders and starts racing with incredible speed straight for Aimee's
position. What a brilliant stroke of good fortune, she can now get two for
the price of one.

"Oh wonderful! This will be fun!"

Aimee searches for her extra magazine clips. She can feel her hair
beginning to frizz but she can't think about what that means right now. She
is just so glad he is such a big beautiful specimen.  Makes for an easy
target and something nice to look at in her final moments. Aimee Kohl
commences her grand opus by firing at Jake Maxson.

...

Through the smoke of Gehenna fair Rachel, Could be heard crying for her
children, They tried to comfort her, But she could not be, Succored.

(Traditional)

It wasn't until he noticed the solid bars across the window that Jake
Maxson began to lose hope.  Why didn't he see that before? Would it have
made any difference? His initial plan had been to take his chances and dive
through the window but the moment he saw the iron obstacle his resolve
changed. He was just running on adrenalin, he was running just to be doing
something because his baby was in there dying and time was running out.

WHIZZ!

She was firing at him now. The fire brigade were trying to use their water
cannon to keep Aimee at bay as well as douse the fire but she seemed
impervious and so did the fire. They really needed to get closer but nobody
was willing to risk further life while that mad woman was still a
threat. He could hear voices behind him begging him to come back. One voice
he could not hear was the sweet voice of his baby.

A deputy was sneaking along the side of the house and Jake was thinking
maybe he should have done the same, at least she wouldn't have been able to
shoot at him until he was at the window. But it was too late now he was
beyond the point of no return. He had no idea what he was gonna do once he
got to the window, what yet remained of his logical mind had already
calculated that even with his prodigious strength he was probably going to
fail in getting beyond the metal barrier that impeded his attempted
rescue. Seconds later she points her gun out from the side of the window,
fires and nearly kills the deputy. So much for that idea.

WHIZZ!

This is not what gunfire sounds like on T.V... Not even when hunting with
Dad did it sound like this.  This he supposes must be the sound bullets
make when they are coming for you. His heart is bursting not with the
effort of running but with the grief of uselessness. The awful realization
that everything is futile. Now all he wants to do is be close to his
baby. Die as near to his love as he possibly can. He has already felt one
bullet hit home somewhere in his abdomen but still he runs on through what
must be excruciating pain. He doesn't know, right now he can't feel it. And
that's when he heard his fathers voice calling out from behind him.
"Jaaaaaake! Jaaaaaake! Come away son! Noooooooo!"  Then he heard a grunt
and a thud from behind him. And that's when his heart finally broke
completely. One glance behind him and there lay his father, a still figure
on the ground.

WHIZZ!

"No! What have I done!" he screams.

He turns back and staggers back to his father screaming,

"I'm sorry Dad, I'm sorry Dad!"

He collapses onto his fathers body which already feels like it is hardening
and thick?

WHIZZ!

Jake ducks his head and cries out.

"Somebody help my Dad!"

He can see the Sheriff marshaling his officers into some kind of rescue
effort.

"God help us!"

WHIZZ!

He can hear his grandmother screaming in the distance. He's never heard her
voice raised in his life and it's a soul destroying sound. The next sound
he hears is a strange yet familiar one. It's Juniors truck, rattling chains
and all. The huge pick up skids to a stop right in front of Jake blocking
the woman in the house from firing at him.

"Grab Uncle Ry and get in dude! Hurry!"

WHIZZ!

Jake picks his father up effortlessly and jumps in the truck with his
fathers body laid carefully across their laps. His tears spill over his
Dad's head. Together they race across the lawn to where an ambulance is
waiting. Jake has lost control of his breathing. He is caught between the
need to mourn his father, the blossoming pain in his stomach and the
unwavering desire to go back to Felix.  The paramedics quickly take Ryan
out and away from Jake and another paramedic comes to get Jake himself. But
Jake slams and locks the door before they can dislodge him as well.

"Matthew take me over to the window."

"I will but Jake were there any wounds or blood on your Dad's head?"

"Nnnoo, no I don't think so."

"Good coz he had my Dads Kevlar vest on. He may well just be knocked out."

"OK I can go with that!" Jake lets out a huge sigh of relief but then has
second thoughts.

"But what if he's not Junior? What if he's dead? It'll be my fault!" Jake
shudders at the thought.

"Quit it dude, we got to keep believing, right now we gotta do something
for Felix! We've got to at least try."

"OK Junior, you're right." Jake takes a deep breath wincing again at the
pain in his side but also at the blood that has leaked out of his bullet
wound and onto the plush velvet seats of Juniors prized truck.

Deputy Johnson begins knocking on the window with his nightstick.

"Take the keys out of the ignition and open the doors boys NOW!"

Junior looks at Jake. Jake looks back at Junior.

"No way, if we wait for you guys the fire will put itself out!" cries Jake.

"Now let's go get that B#tch Junior! Let's crash the truck through the damn
walls before I pass out!"

"We don't hafta smash through no walls. I got a plan." says Junior.

Jake tries to wipe the incredulous look off his face. Junior has a plan?!?
Jake can't help but think how full of surprises Junior has been lately.

"I'm all out of ideas so do your worst dude but hurry!"

Jake holds his gut as Junior revs his truck to warn all the bystanders to
move. Jake can't believe it!  Junior has a plan?!? He clearly hasn't been
himself these past 24 hours. Any other time and he would have laughed at
the sight of Deputy Johnson diving to save his lardy ass from being run
down by Junior.

This time they reverse rapidly over the lawn then he changes gear and they
begin making a wide arc around to the side of the house which now has
flames leaping out through the roof. Two fire engines are on the other side
of the house, their work is unimpeded since Aimee is on the opposite side.

"Right Jake you drive, I'm gonna jump out and get on the back aight?"

"Why?"

"I'm gonna latch Grandpa's chains onto that there window thing. The chains
are already hooked up to my cross bar so let's go man!"

Hope springs eternal and suddenly with a plan to follow Jake Maxson is back
in business. They switch places with the precision of forbidden lovers in
someone else's marriage bed and they're off.  Jake maneuvers the truck
almost flush along the side of the house and ducks just as he passes
Aimee's window. No gunfire.

Then he hears the unmistakable rattle of Juniors famous irritating,
beautiful, liberating chains and the heavy clips that make that glorious
click of connection with the barred window frame.  As soon as he hears the
shouted 'Go Go Go!!!' from his buddy he guns the engine and Juniors beast
of a truck does what it was made to do. And Junior's grandfather's chains
do what their new Master intended them to do. They break the final barrier
that keeps Jake from both Aimee Kohl and Felix Jarrow.

Aimee Kohl is disoriented by the sudden noisome disappearance of her barred
window. The heat and the flames are now finally overcoming her and she is
beginning to lapse in and out of consciousness due to oxygen deprivation
and the unbearable heat.

Suddenly a giant figure bursts through the cavity in the wall but before
she can raise her gun he is on her, he grabs the pistol and throws it back
out through the window. He doesn't spend much time dealing with her, he
doesn't have to. She knows there is little she can do. He grabs her by the
throat in one hand and with the other he punches her straight through the
center of her head with all his might. She flies over the smoking, burning
body of her victim and into the lit up wall beyond, slumping where she then
begins to smolder. The giant menace now ignores her and like a flash he
collects the body of the thing and is gone before she can even utter a
curse. The pain hammering through her head is joined by the incredible
melting plastic feel of her skin as it begins to lift from her her bones.

"See Master! I told you, all males are evil and ultimately abuse and betray
you!"

She receives no answer.

Not that it matters but she is aware of the fact that there is no longer
any water coming into the room.

...

JAKE

The moment I burst through the window I saw him, my baby. I could not let
myself think too deeply about the state he was in. Then I saw her. I knew I
would have to deal with her before I could attend to Felix. She still had a
gun and was trying to reload it. She had done a lot of damage with that
gun, she had done a lot of damage period and now I wanted to end it. I
wanted to end her. I have never been one who thought highly of any guy who
hits women. To be honest I have always been afraid of the possibility of a
physical confrontation with a girl. But that was the last thing on my mind
tonight.  I ripped the gun out of her talon like hands and threw it back
out through the window.

Then I did something I had been wanting to do so badly. For the things she
had said on Felix' phone and more vividly, for the sick, abhorrent images
she had sent to me and everything she had done to the love of my life. My
fist smashed straight into the vulpine features of Aimee Kohl's face with a
satisfying crunch. I'm not sure what I did after that but I think I kinda
threw her through the wall or something but by then my attention was
completely focused on Felix. I had to get to my baby and take him away from
here.

One look at his body though and I could see that he was gone. He was still
smiling but it was more a rictus of death now than the wonderful, endearing
sweet, sweet smile of my darling and baby.  By the time I got him out of
the blazing house and into the yard my tears were blinding me. Water was
hitting us, buffeting us from a million angles as well and steam was coming
off of us. I did not recognize that the crazed screaming belonged to
myself.

I barely acknowledged the incredible cry of grief that launched forth from
the mother of my Felix or the grim hands of her brother who held her back
as he roared with similar pain of his own, hiding her, keeping her from the
awful truth. I hardly noticed the other figures all racing towards me as I
collapsed onto the ground with my lover in my arms rocking and crying,
calling out his name like a mantra.

"Felix oh Felix!, what has she done to you my love!

Hands and arms are all over him trying to separate him from his beloved but
none of them are strong enough. He hears a roar from behind him
somewhere. He does manage to register the sight of a sizzling, burning
scarecrow type figure racing across the lawn squealing and gurgling from
her ruined, caved in face like a stuck pig. Aimee Kohl's final moments on
this Earth are ended by a bullet from the gun of Sheriff Rivera. Jake
enfolds the body of his Felix even more tightly into his arms, protecting
him from the sight of his murderer. Jake Maxson begins crooning to his
loved one.

"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you and
I'm sorry!"

A small voice - "Owww you're crushing me..."

"Wha-?!?"

"I said you're crushing me and you're still crushing me and now you're
doing it harder!"

"Ooooowwwww!!!"

"Ba- Baby! Felix you're alive!"

"Owwwwwwww!!! I'm sore and hurt!"

It's Jessica who finally breaks through Jakes fog of incredulity, joy and
disbelief when she begins striking him with her handbag.

"Get. (whack!) Off. (whack!) Him. (whack!) You. (whack!)
Lumbering. (whack!) Great. (whack!) Ox!  (whack!) Can't you see he needs
medical attention fast!"

A dumbstruck Jake releases Felix to the paramedics who are finally able to
whisk him away to the ambulance with a still fiercely protective Jake close
behind.

"My baby!" Miss Kathleen has escaped from Uncle Gary's arms and is racing
across the lawn to the ambulance. Jake meets her and hugs her whirling her
around in the air.

"Sweet mercy Momma Felix he is still alive! He's not dead!"

Felix mother is speechless, her tear stained face is illuminated with
ecstatic, unadulterated joy.  Jake carefully releases Kathleen and they
stand smiling insanely at each other for a few moments.  Kathleen is
finally able to recover herself enough to inform Jake that his father was
not seriously injured because of the Sheriffs bullet proof vest.

"Ryan is in that ambulance over there darlin. Oh look here comes your
grandmother."

Jake calls out to his grandmother who once she spots him begins moving
swiftly across the yard to him.

"Grandma!"

"Oh my precious child."

Never has he seen his grandmother so disheveled and ruffled. For the first
time in his life he wonders at how old she looks. He staggers over to her
and then begins to shudder and cry, hugging his grandmother, soaking up the
waves of love and relief that emanate from her.

"Oh my beloved Jacob this is such a terrible, terrible tragedy. I thought
we had lost you! What has gone on here?"

Jake was about to attempt some kind of answer but he notices the Felix has
been strapped to a stretcher and is being taken to a rescue helicopter. He
does not want to be left behind so he makes to search for his grandfathers
big black copter and its pilot. But suddenly he freezes and totters a bit
to the left and then to the right. His head swims and he feels himself
collapsing to the ground.

...

JESSICA (Two weeks later)

Hello there,

It's Jessica here, I hope you are well. As you know it's been a rather
trying last couple of weeks here in Maxson County. Never in our history
have we had to deal with the likes of what went on in Forkridge just the
other day. Who knows what drove two women to give themselves over to their
baser instincts causing them to behave the way they did? I do not.

We have had the media here like you wouldn't believe in the days since the
fire. They have been crawling all over Charleston hospital like a rash too
trying to get the dirt on the absolutely harrowing set of events that
unfolded down there.. Trying to connect all the dots. And to think, all of
these things befell us on the same day! It was momentous enough as it was
due to the funeral of Miss Carol which was the event of several generations
of our towns history as far as funerals go. It was always going to be an
emotional day but who could have guessed the way in which that day would
meet its end?

I have a cold fury burning inside of me at the way those two wicked women
hijacked the day from Miss Carol but as her daughter in law Miss Dee Dee
said..,

'They might have stolen some thunder on that day but they now have eternity
in which to regret it.'

I am wont to agree. As Miss Carol herself would say, 'It's all about
perspective.'

So where to begin? Well why not start back up where we left off? Shall we?


You will recall that Jake, that great, enormous mass of hormones, ego,
muscle and oft forgotten brains remembered he had actually been shot and as
soon as he did he produced the most dramatic case of the fainting fits I've
ever seen. Actually he was taken quite seriously ill to be honest and I was
just as concerned for him as I was for Felix and Mr. Ryan his father.

I was amazed they didn't take Jake to the hospital with Felix. I guess it
was all the confusion of the moment but did they forget about Jake? Yes
there were still ambulances here but he was in a bad way.

Regardless, Jake was rushed to Charleston hospital in his grandfathers
helicopter along with his now awake again but not fully recovered father,
his grandmother and their various other retainers.  The Maxson's always
struggle to go anywhere without the accompaniment of some kind of coterie
or retinue of assistants. Daddy calls it "The Entourage".

As I said earlier, Felix had already been taken to ER by life flight
helicopter accompanied by his mother. More on that later. It would turn out
that the bullet Jake took went straight through his abdomen rupturing his
appendix which ended up having to be removed. Apart from that and the
associated pain (which if you go by Jakes account was horrendous), Jake was
left in pretty good shape all things considered.

It is said that he lost his appetite for the next three or four days, but
I'll leave you to make your own judgments about that. In the end Jake
Maxson was fine but he had changed. I guess the only thing more frightening
than having to face your own mortality at such a young age is having to
deal with the possibility of losing the one you love at the same time. In
the days since I have visited Jake I have noticed a decidedly more
retrospective side to him, more contemplative. There was a difference to
the usual look that is in his eye.

Oh yes that same old mischievous, intractable, arrogant gleam is still
there but it is now tempered with a sense of having survived something
terrible, something awful. I also perceive that he learned just how
powerless an individual can be. He learned that he can't do everything on
his own. I was as surprised as anybody at the actions of our new local
superhero Matthew Rivera (Junior). All our lives Junior has been an unknown
quantity and it's very hard to pinpoint what makes him so 'odd'.  Yes he is
quiet but so is Jake (believe it or not). Where Junior differs to Jake is
that he does not impose himself on others. He is generally happy to go with
the flow – which is usually wherever Clarke wants to go...,
unfortunately. Apart from cars and well, cars Junior never really does
contribute all that much to conversation. He is not slow or dumb, quite the
opposite in fact and apart from his atrocious spelling Junior is quite a
good student.

I personally have come to appreciate that Junior has a lot more going on
inside his head than we give him credit for. What he did the other night
saved a life, maybe two when you consider that Jake nearly lost his life
trying to achieve whatever it was he thought he was going to do
instead. Lenore for one has been proudly relating to all and sundry the
astounding ingenuity of her younger brother.  It amuses me that she has
spent the past two years trying to banish those chains from off the back of
his truck. Juniors' beloved girlfriend Beth has been stuck to him like glue
and he looks like the cat that was let out of the bag, got the cream, ate
the canary and was let loose among the pigeons as well. Those two were born
for each other.

There has of course been the inevitable fall out and reaction from Juniors
father the Sheriff over Junior and Jake's heroic antics but does anybody
really care? While we all understand that there was a procedure in place
and the whole 'rescue' operation was meant to be left in the hands of the '
proper authorities', we also acknowledge that without Jake and Junior's
maverick actions Felix would most likely, most definitely be dead. Junior
Rivera Senior has at least had the sense to keep his protests rather
muted. One suspects that he is secretly rather pleased with his son anyway.
Everybody else sure is. Clarke has taken to calling his buddy
'Superjunior'.

Daddy tells me that the FBI cannot really make any rhyme or reason of the
whys and wherefores of Aimee and Georgia's actions but one of their
profilers knocked it on the head I think. She said that those two women
were just anti social, sour, bitter and twisted, and that they may have
even entered into some kind of occult related pact. It was hard to find
many clues as to their actions from the debris and detritus of the fire but
there was a suggestion of what Miss Carol would call 'Thems occultic and
devilish intents'. Both these women had good careers and there was no
particular reason on the face of it why they would both want to go about
ruining what took years to attain but that's the problem with
madness. Madness by its very nature excludes the soundness of good rational
and logical thought. One thing I notice they both lacked was a man in their
lives.

On the recommendation of Mr Ryan, Miss Dee Dee Garfield and several of the
staff members at Garfield High, Mr. Sixsmith has been elevated to join Mr
Murray as acting principal until such a time as a permanent replacement
principal can be found. Mr Murray was our deputy principal. I still do not
know what it was Felix overheard that day up top but Old Droner certainly
has himself some high powered admirers.

Our school is of course in turmoil and there was shock and outrage once
everybody learned who it was that tried to maim and kill both Clarke and
Felix. Initially I did feel a little sorry for Georgia's parents who
decided to leave town. But I have since heard some stories about them which
have caused a re-think. If those tales are true then they could explain
some of the insane behavior and bad attitudes possessed by our former
principal.

Both she and Aimee Kohl were buried in paupers graves out in the farthest
corner of the cemetery.  Apart from the press, a few of the local
rubberneckers and some ministers - two of whom were old Henry Taylor and
Elroy's Dad Mr Haydon, nobody attended their graveside committal. Not even
their own family's did. I heard from father that their remaining family
members made sure to be there to carve up both ladies estates though.

I went out to lunch with Mark the other day, my Mark. Oh how wonderful that
sounds! He informed me that Clarke is doing very well and that he does seem
to be his old self again. He's got a long way to go physically and
especially psychologically but Clarke is a survivor. I live next door to
Clarke and one major change I have noticed has been the relationship that
is shared between Clarke, his mother Dina and his Father Jeb. They are much
closer and very much determined to not let the love they share slip away
into disrepair and disorder. I am still concerned about Clarke in spite of
what Mark says and I think deep down Mark worries too.

I believe he will eventually be fine physically, Lord knows the Maxsons
have spared no expense in seeing to his recovery. But I have read that it
is the emotional battle of having being seriously harmed, raped and nearly
killed that will provide Clarke with his biggest challenges and torments in
the coming months. He has been provided with a fine counseling team and we
his friends are determined to be right there for him to the best of our
abilities. Various plans for college next year may somewhat hamper that but
we are all determined to bring our Clarke safely through the storm, or at
least us girls are. Only those who absolutely need to know are aware of the
full details of what happened to Clarke and I don't expect that to change.

The boys have their own ideas for Clarke's recuperation of course. All they
can think of is copious amounts of drinking, halo and other wasteful consul
games. I guess that's just boys for you though right?  Some of you are
boys, you ought to know. I am so grateful to God that all three of these
boys, our boys, survived being shot. It is never a good thing when someone
is shot and when three are shot the likelihood of at least one of them
losing his life increases markedly. But they all pulled through.  Hmmm I
think we should add little Mikey to that list of 'shot at targets' so make
that four. In fact with Junior and Ryan the total comes to six! There were
others too like that fire fighter and that police officer who Aimee shot
at.

Jake's dad Ryan Maxson was rather embarrassed by his own run in with a
bullet. Apparently he was sort of winded and knocked out at the same time
by the impact of the projectile that hit him right over his heart. Lucky
for that vest! I think he should count his lucky stars that he fell too
because to my eye it looked as though Aimee had fired two more bullets in
quick succession right at the spot where he'd been running, trying to catch
up to his rampaging son. Who knows, maybe he could have been shot again and
injured more gravely?

I know that the Maxson's were deeply relieved that both Felix, Jake and
Ryan came through OK.  Ryan only spent one night in hospital mainly for
observation purposes. In reality he spent most of his time that night
circulating between Jake, Felix and Clarke. It would have been a
devastating and complete tragedy had Georgia and Aimee succeeded with their
evil plan. I have no doubt that they planned their assault deliberately to
ruin the occasion of Miss Carols funeral among other things.  A few people
around town have begun questioning Jake and Felix' relationship and their
sexuality more openly in the past week. Jake told me the other day that he
doesn't care what people say about him and Felix, he is in love with Felix
and as long as the ones who matter to him support him then he's fine. As
far as I can tell, everyone who matters to Jake supports him. You know,
Jake has an interesting way of looking at situations like this. Whereas
most people would become paranoid about what others may think, Jake really
does not seem all that affected by negative reaction at all. To his way of
thinking, 'If he doesn't love them, then they mean nothing to him. And if
they mean nothing to him, they can't hurt him.' Classic Jake Maxson.

I think you get the drift when I say that Jake is doing fine, he really
is. He is irritated at still being in hospital but that's also where Felix,
and Clarke are so he isn't complaining too much.  Once they were all
conscious and out of trouble enough to be halfway annoying again, all three
of them insisted on being placed in the same room together. Permission was
of course denied but they were able to begin spending time together for
long periods throughout the day and as soon as he was able, Jake started
sneaking into Felix' room anyway. He would often be found in there asleep
at Felix' side.  Speaking of whom, Felix was in a serious way when he was
rushed to ER. He received bad burns to his feet and the lower shinbone area
of his legs and will need to have skin grafts and plastic surgery on them
in the coming months. His skin blistered in almost every place where it was
exposed and his beautiful strawberry blond hair was singed into a horrid
crackly cap of keratin which of course had to be removed. He looked
frightful to be honest.

The first time I saw him, he was wrapped up like a mummy and I cried. After
his initial treatments he was taken to intensive care for a night and then
they moved him to the burns unit. He remains in the burns unit even now and
probably won't leave for the next month or so. For a while everybody had to
wear masks in his room and we still can't go in there if we are sick. He
was of course shot a couple times too. He can't recall everything about
being shot just yet. One of the bullets went in and out without hitting
anything major and the other one lodged itself in his wallet which begs the
question, 'What's that thing made of?' It probably hit some coins. In the
initial days he was in an induced coma. But even then he would sometimes
respond if you squeezed his hand which is a wonderful thing. Amazingly, his
hands were not burned at all.  So many people have come to visit him from
all around. Even a couple of his friends from back in Kentucky visited, a
boy called Brooke and his girlfriend Jenni-Lee who apparently used to be
Felix' ex. Ahhh the soap opera of youth.

They were a bit shocked at first when big bad Jake came along and asserted
that Felix was his 'boyfriend' but after a few seconds of bewilderment
Brooke announced that it was 'Coo'. Yes that's 'cool' without the 'l' on
the end. The girl, who I found rather dishwatery was wide eyed at the news
but she soon recovered herself and spent the rest of the time eying Jake
with a sultry speculative look. Jake for his part appeared quite a fright
at the time, hair sticking up everywhere, unshaven and a wild territorial
look in his eye. I think Jake was rather put out by the fact that here were
two of Felix' peers from his former life back in Kentucky. They shared a
history with Felix that went back to their infancies. Something that Jake
could never share. I guess Jake was now getting a taste of how Felix felt
coming into Jake's own tidy little world.

So I took the opportunity to get them talking about little Felix and
slightly bigger Felix, you get the picture. Once they warmed up, Brooke and
even Jenni-Lee were a goldmine of amusing stories and insights but
naturally Jake being Jake took exception to this fact and kept making silly
remarks and criticisms that he thought were witticisms. Nevertheless, I'm
sure Jake drank in every word he heard. Jake's obsessive and possessive
nature is going to cause headaches for him and Felix as the days unwind. I
hope Felix will be able to handle him. From talking with his old friends
Felix really is a good guy and a great person to know in general both then
and now as I can attest. He has a lot of concerned family and friends back
in the Bluegrass State and they all plan on visiting him en masse when he
is better recovered.

It's very hard to tell where Felix is at emotionally. He sleeps a lot and
has not said much so all we can do is wait and see how he deals with the
fact that somebody seriously assaulted him, shot him and then tried to burn
him alive. I witnessed a private moment between Jake and Felix the other
day. I was sitting in a comfy easy chair with Lil Shaun whom I had finally
managed to drag away that hog Lenore! He was happily sleeping away in my
arms. We were the only other people in the room at the time. I don't even
know if Jake realized I was even there when he first entered the room. Jake
pretty much ignores me anyway, tucked away in my little corner. Felix with
his beautiful eyes peeped over at me for a moment and then relaxed, I guess
it means that he trusts me.

"Jake I was wrong about those ladies aaaa, aaaa, and I'm sorry." his eyes
filled with tears.

"Hush now baby," Jake takes his hand and kisses it.

"You don't have to apologize about anything to do with them. You have
nothing to be sorry for."

"But I wish I had listened to you, I should have listened to you."

"Yes you should have but maybe next time you will..."

I roll my eyes from over in the corner. Jake was doing so well and he could
have been a little more sensitive near the end there but then again that's
Jake for you. The little boy in my arms sighs in his sleep. Felix changes
the subject.

"Jake what do I look like? Are you still gonna like me?"

"Felix I don't just like you, I LOVE you and I always will!"

Felix' doe like lilac eyes soften and I see both boys do that incredible
thing they do sometimes when they look at each other. They stop breathing
and discover one another again as if for the first time causing them to go
all shy. It's beautiful. Jake really chose his words perfectly there.

"Jake is, is there a mirror somewhere you can bring me?"

"Baby you don't wanna see yourself right now coz like it's not pretty
but..,"

And then he went and ruined all his good work with that! That's when I felt
I really had to intervene.  Now you see the way boys are, they really need
a guiding female hand sometimes to ensure that they don't go and hang
themselves by saying the wrong thing. Heaven knows they say enough of the
wrong things to us girls. They may have pure intentions at heart but the
execution of those intentions often leaves much to be desired and our boys
from Forkridge are certainly no exception.  I decide to speak up.

"Jacob Maxson! I really don't think that was the most appropriate response
to the question."

"Shut up Jessica."

I ignore Jake's puerile remark and address Felix..

"Felix, you certainly wouldn't win Miss Universe but you might get a
notable third placing at this time. But with a little pampering and a
wondrous swimsuit you might just carry the day."

Felix' resulting smile lights up the room and even Jake (who was about to
unleash on me) is succored for the moment. You see, there are ways and
there are WAYS of going about things.  A little tact and a lot of decorum
are all that's needed to achieve such a Nirvanic reality as this.

"Talk to your physicians and surgeons about how you look Felix, God knows
they're paid enough money to treat you. In the great wash up I think you
will come out looking just fine."

"Thanks Jessica, that's real good advice and I sure am glad to have you as
my friend."

"Likewise. Now Jake why don't you go do something else for a while and let
Felix sleep hmmm?"

The Maxson boy stared at me for a few looong seconds before he kissed his
beloved Jarrow boy and left the room but not before giving me yet another
rather surly look. Oh I know the words these boys use for describing us
girls. The nicknames and the smart remarks about us being overbearing, nosy
and superior acting 'female dogs'.., I refuse to say that word.

But I ask you, look at all the mischief they get into and look at the way
some of them tend to overreact to situations? It's like trying to dowse a
fire with gasoline. I'm so glad we have Felix here now. I wasn't at first
– as you all know, but I certainly am now. I think he is like a little
nugget of coal that turned into a sparkling diamond and what's more, he
knows how to stay on the right side of us girls.

Beth, Sue, myself and even Lenore are all very protective of our boys
because A. they need it and B. well they need it. I don't know what the
future holds for these two boys in particular but one things for sure, it
will be loaded with intrigue, excitement, challenges and adventure. Maybe
I'll tag along for the ride, and bring another worrisome boy along with me
for the delightful company that he most certainly is.


It's been nice sharing.

Be well

Love Jessica.

...

LENORE (Nearly two months later)

Little Mikey and I are standing and watching while Jake holds Abigail up in
the air. She's planting the angel on top of the Christmas tree. Now there
are several Christmas trees here at Maxson Eyrie but this one is the most
'specialist' one as far as Mikey is concerned because Abby is the one
fixing the angel atop the tree. A glittering mirror star hangs from the
ceiling, attached by an almost invisible thread of cotton lazily twirling
clockwise and then counter clockwise directly above the angel and the
tree. Jake the perfectionist that he is has positioned colored lights using
tiny bits of wire and invisible tape so that they light up the angel and
the star.

It was only moments ago that he and prissy Jessica finished their latest
argument. This time about which colored light should be highest up. For the
record she wanted pink (and so did Abby, Beth and Sue). Jake, Mark and
Mikey wanted blue, Matthew and Clarke liked green, I preferred red, Elroy
and Tina didn't really care, lil Shaun was asleep and Felix didn't know
what he wanted. In the end we played heads or tails until there was a clear
winner. The damned light will be pink after all.

We are in what Lil Miss Superior (you know who I mean), likes to refer to
as the 'Convalescence Room'. It's actually whole suite of rooms that were
decked out in Jake's quarters so that he, and Felix can 'recover' together
in sumptuous comfort and luxury now that Felix has been released from CMC
Charleston. Jake was released about almost a month ago but stayed in
Charleston anyway to be near Felix. So here we are saddled with all the
right medical gear and personnel in order to make Felix' stay here a good
and memorable if not lengthy one.

You see, Mr. Gary, Miss Kathleen and the kids moved up here to the Eyrie
this weekend and will live here from now on. It started with the media
camping outside Gary, Kathleen and Felix' house down on Cross Street trying
to get a story. Then silly Sue blabbed to 'Blam' about the kids apparently
knowing Felix was in trouble before anyone could have possibly told them or
Kathleen.

Well Blam was only too happy to oblige the news mongers she appeared on
television dressed up like a tart haha. Not that I am beyond the wearing of
such attire myself, but at least I INTEND to look like a tart when I do it!
It wasn't long before even MORE press appeared including some pretty kooky
ones from publications like 'UFO Weekly' and 'Psychic Home Journal'. Most
of the time Kathleen and the kids were at the hospital anyway and were
protected but Gary was getting fed up by the day. Ryan Maxson offered him a
safe place to hide out up on the mountain and after at first refusing, Gary
finally took Ryan up on the offer.

Another motivator for Gary was the fact that while he was working, Grandpa
and Grandma Jarrow were often at home alone all day with the press outside
baying for information. The elder Jarrow's aren't spring chickens either
and there were certain things they were needing done from time to time that
Kathleen or Gary could not see to for obvious reasons. So Gary and Felix'
grand folks headed up to the Eyrie for the sanctuary, assistance and
security only it could provide.

Ryan next turned his suave skills on to Felix' Mom. Basically he cajoled,
and begged Kathleen to move into the Eyrie with him. Now after some serious
discussions with the Senior Jarrows and Felix who was kinda dubious about
moving to the Eyrie, it was agreed that Kathleen, Felix and the kids would
join Gary and the grand folks as soon as Felix was well enough to leave CMC
Charleston. There were some proviso's though.

Kathleen made it clear to all that she was certainly not going to be
shacking up with Ryan anytime soon. She seems to have this weird notion in
her head that they got to be married. Hell if she doesn't wanna give the
man a cookie he can have all of mine and what's more, I'll bake more every
day! Who in their right mind would say no to that piece of West Virginian
paradise? What's wrong with that woman? Well she made it clear that there
won't be any middle of the night trysts. But the look in Ryan's eye when
she said that said the exact opposite. It was one of those 'We'll soon see
about that!' looks.

God Ryan looks like Jake sometimes or should I say Jake looks like
Ryan. Predatory, hungry and deadly. I guess he's been humoring Kathleen all
this time but I think somehow the rules of the game are about to
change. Either that or they gonna be married pretty soon, or maybe even
both.  Ahhh young love, I wish I could find some of it. By the way, Clarke
is clearly off limits. I was given one of those 'friendly chats' by
Clarke's Mom the other night. Let me tell you Dina Griersen can be one hell
of a scary woman when she wants to be! Let's just say that I won't be
playing doctors and nurses with Clarke Griersen anytime soon.

Honestly though, as lovey dovey as he has been with Susie (yep they are
back together) since his release, he doesn't have that old look in his
eyes. That.., I don't know, lets call it that sexual sparkle just isn't
there like it used to be. Who knows? Maybe it will return in time, after
all, he has been though some pretty serious trauma and still has such a
long way to go. Maybe his new aspect is not such a bad thing after all. At
least for now. I am for the moment left to my own devices, for now.  Oh and
if you're wondering about Builder Brad, well... been there, done that
haha. We were only doing the 'friends with benefits' thing anyway.

Change of subject - Mikey is an interesting little youngster isn't he? I
have never met anyone like this kid. His physicality and rough and tumble
attitude do remind me of Jake but it's still different.  The kid really is
afraid of nothing! Young Jake would often demonstrate scary feats of
aggression and extraordinary physicality out of fear but this kid doesn't
seem to fear a thing. A good old 'how's your father?' between those two as
kids would have been awesome to watch!  Unlike Jake who could often be an
outright unpredictable junior atom bomb in his younger days, Mikey is the
opposite.

In Mikey all the other kids know they have got a great and dependable
friend who is smart, good and will stand up for the weak. It fascinates me
(and not just me) how mentally tough Mikey is. He is still a kid, behaves
like a kid, does kid things but there seems to be a point he can reach
beyond that other kids just cannot and probably should not attempt. By all
accounts he did this a month ago with Ms. Lewis down in Charleston. How he
managed to combat and then defeat her was simply outrageous! She was older,
supposedly smarter and she had a gun! I think I saw a glimpse of his
incredible prowess myself when he beat the butts of those two older boys
who bullied Abby and Shaun at the indoor playground.

Since then he has become Clarke, Jake and Felix' best little buddy along
with Lil Shaun and Abby of course. The rest of us 'older kids' as he calls
us are pretty impressed with him too. Mark, Elroy and Matthew totally love
him and I noticed Jessica giving him one of her infamous interrogations, as
only Jessica can. Admittedly that was one of the few times I saw the kid
looking a bit daunted but five minutes with her icy royal highness is
enough to give anyone the willies. She did seem quite impressed by him
though. I guess he passed.

His mother and sister are pretty nice too. It says a lot that they also are
very aware of what they have named 'Mikey's magic powers' but are still at
a loss to explain it and they have had all of nine years or so to find
out. It seems that Mikey's dad shacked up with some other woman down in
Memphis a few years ago and so his Mom has juggled raising two kids plus
trying to hold down a job. I really admire her. I also really admire the
hot officer I saw visiting her at the hospital a few times. She swears
they're nothing more than friends but I don't think so. Mikey told me they
met the officer on the day he 'blanquished' the wicked 'sorcer lady'.

Mikey is adamant that Mr Hotness is gonna become his new daddy, now I'm not
even gonna try and bet against him on that one. Felix' Mom Kathleen has
really hit it off with Mikey's mother Liz.  I guess they share a lot in
common. You will remember that Mikey also believes he himself will marry
Abby and they will live happily ever after. Abigail vehemently denies this,
(it makes her 'seasick') but once again I think I will give the odds to
Mikey. We all enjoyed Mikey's slightly delayed Birthday party because of
all the nonsense going on a few weeks ago at the hospital. Everybody was
there.

The theme was Medieval or 'Middleville' in Mikey speak. It was originally
meant to be Halloween but due to Mikeys knight fixation as well as the
revised date for the party it soon changed to Medieval. I dressed up as the
town wench (which is barmaid actually thank you very much).  Not that there
is much difference though is there. Barmaids had to do a lot more to get
tips in those days. All the guys had to be dressed as knights so there was
a lot of shiny faux metal and helmets going on (no not those kind of
helmets :D). Matthew and Jake thought it would be 'cool' to clank helms
until they both ended up with headaches, DUH! There wasn't much
sympathy. All of Mikey's local kid friends were there and the roaring,
screaming and various other animal sounds was enough to send the fair
maiden Jessica diving for cover early. She and the gorgeous Mark
resplendent in silver and blue retired to some unknown alcove so that she
could 'recover'.  One funny moment was when Mikey led several of the kids
off on an 'expacade' around the hospital. They slipped away before any of
the adults much noticed, their little party included Lil Shaun and Abigail.

We managed to corral them all to a certain bank of elevators in the end,
but we had to post adults outside the elevator doors on each floor in order
to round them all up. And where you might ask did they go? Well he took
them to the 'Den of the wicked sorcer' – the room where he confronted
Georgia. All in all I guess we can say Mikey's party was a 'runaway
success'.  I'll certainly not be forgetting it anytime soon, mainly coz I
wasn't drunk as a skunk.

I'm gonna begin courses in criminology down in Charleston late next year. I
think it will be either the making or breaking of me. Seeing all the action
going down at Georgia's house last month was enough to convict me of my
calling. I was expecting derision and laughter from my father when I told
him about my plans but he surprised me.

He told me that he would support me to the hilt and was very proud of me
for making a decision to study in this area. He insisted though that I also
make myself as familiar with the practical side of things as well and not
just turn into some bookish expert ensconced in some office somewhere. I
plan on doing just that because what I haven't told him is I'm going to
police academy first.

When I look at my life I can see a lot of wastage and missed opportunities
in the last few years especially. But there have been many delights as well
especially in the past few months with the Jarrows and their kids. Felix
has become one of my favorite people in the whole world and I know that we
will remain so for the rest of our lives. I love him and Jake together. I
could not imagine a more unlikely relationship but there it is, it's so
sexy!

Kathleen is a real gem and I can see where so much of Felix' beautiful
personality comes from.  Kathleen is so sweet and if she is anything to go
by then Jake's Mom Shonta must have been quite a lady. The way she raises
the children has been an inspiration to me and although I would have had
Ryan in the bed long ago, I really do admire her standards. The possibility
that she could have lost her only son nearly broke her in two but her
resilience and the support of her family have helped her to hold on.

How devastating it must be for any parent to learn that their child has
been maimed or scarred perhaps for life? The Maxson surgeons have promised
that Felix' feet and legs will be as good as new but I don't think Kathleen
will believe it until she sees it. Nevertheless her steadfast devotion to
her son and the children is wonderful. One other thing on Kathleen, The
Maxson's did somehow manage to track down Felix' father to let him know
about his son. They even offered to bring him here to West Virginia. But he
never did show. I did hear though that he wanted to know more about the new
Shonta Jarrow Memorial Trust Fund.

I bought Abigail the latest Barbie doll the other day, she has twelve
already and they are almost as beloved as the carved wooden animals Ryan
makes for her and Lil Shaun's ever growing menageries. Well anyway, there
were the usual taunts from the guys about 'pole dancing Barbie' and 'breast
implant Barbie'. Of course they made sure not to say as much in the hearing
of little Abby which is kinda difficult to do since she has a habit of
popping up out of the blue and in the middle of something you wish she
didn't get to hear. But we had all the bases covered, or so we thought.

That night Kathleen invited us all to dinner at her house for pizza. And
that's where Abby asked for a 'Polar Barbie' for Christmas... Kathleen
looked at us quizzically and I smirked straight at Clarke who was with us
too. He had to do some fast talking and rightly so since it was his smart
mouth that caused the initial problem to start with. We all learned about
the amazing new 'Polar Bear Barbie' at dinner. Now it's all Abigail can
talk about. It didn't take Clarke long to get himself back into the swing
of things again. In trouble with the ladies again. I bet he's dreading this
Christmas haha.

Mark bought Shaun a little guitar and the resultant racket sure made Mark
popular among the locals, Jessica in particular, she who must have silence!
Absolute silence! Lil Shaun is gonna be a great little singer but his
guitar skills will definitely need Felix' guiding hand. In the meantime
Mark has a hit out on him.

I know these kids are special. In the past few months I have come to
witness some pretty freaky stuff from Mikey and these two little ones. We
always knew that Miss Carol had what my mother calls the 'Blessed Curse'
and now the kids seem to have it too. I don't know about Mikey but Abby and
Lil Shaun seem to have it in the blood. Grandpa Jarrow says the gift runs
in his family line so it is really no surprise to them that it has
manifested itself.

Abigail has the gift of discernment, that is the ability to read what is on
ones heart and mind. I don't know how much control she has over this gift
but I sure hope she can't read my mind just yet.  There would be a lot of
tricky questions. We aren't sure about what my little munchkin Shaun has
been imbued with but then he is a little too young yet. One ability they
both possess is the ability to know when Felix is in trouble, that much we
know for sure!

Lil Shaun has four big interests right now, food, anything Mikey says and
my brothers truck and those blasted chains. Matthews truck has become
somewhat of a local icon and he has been proudly showing it off and telling
the story of how it helped save Felix to anybody who wants to hear. And in
a lil ole town like Forkridge, that's everybody. He had to do some minor
repairs to the body and paintwork but now it is restored back to its
sparkling candy apple red sexiness again.  And yes those chains have pride
of place on the back like always.

For obvious reasons I have quit complaining about them. I am so proud of my
brother, his quick thinking is one of the reasons Felix is still with us
today. I was scared as hell when I first noticed him drive his truck out
across the yard the night and I think Daddy was about to have a heart
attack but alls well that ends well. I didn't envy them the clip Dad and
Matthew got in the ear from Mom when she finally got them back home that
night. She would scream, then hug them, wail and curse then pummel them
with her fists. Typical Mom stuff. Most of the words she said were
unintelligible but we all understood them well enough.

When I graduated high school I decided to take a year off before doing the
college thang. I quickly began to regret that and then I met the
Jarrows. My whole life has changed. Oh I'm not trying to claim some kind of
angelic transformation but I think I have turned the corner you know? I
have so many images in my mind from the past few months but the one that
sticks out the most was when Felix first saw Junior again after they let
him come out from his coma.

Felix couldn't hug but I could see he really wanted to. But he held
Matthew's hand and he cried and kept saying thank you to my brother who
also cried. The look in Felix eyes will remain with me forever. Enormous
gratitude, pain, and the acknowledgement of a second chance at life.  Never
was I prouder of my brother than at that moment.

My final thoughts for you are about redemption. It's not for me at my age
to tell other people what to do but it's also not like me to be
conventional either. I have learned from these past few months that no
matter how bad, dead end or hopeless things seem to get for you, it is
still possible to get yourself back on track again and move forward with
confidence to something better tomorrow.

I wish that Aimee and Georgia could have learned this simple truth before
they went screaming down their path to destruction. I hope the same thing
for myself as I seek to find my own place to walk, my own place to stand.

Goodbye :)

...

RYAN (Two months later)

If not for the encouragement of my beloved Kathleen I would have chickened
out on my role as Santa at the Maxson Children's Christmas Party. I'm so
glad I listened because the courage I gained from that was all the stimulus
I needed in order to ask her to marry me at the more adult Maxson Christmas
Charity Dinner the next night.

She now sports a massive diamond ring on her finger proclaiming her as my
betrothed before all the world. I'm quite happy with the outcome as you
probably would know. The day of the Christmas party started off fine and
clear but cold. We all traveled down to Charleston that day to get
ourselves set up for the 1:30 PM start.  My old buddy from Hollywood Jared
Friedreische had kindly arranged all the technical expertise for this year
and boy was it going to be spectacular or what! It took them 4 hours to get
me properly fitted out as Santa and if you didn't know it was me, you
wouldn't have guessed it in a million years. Even little Mikey was totally
fooled although I have to admit that he still does really believe in Santa
Clause so he thought I was the real thing anyway.  At the beginning of the
year when Mother invited Jake and myself to the Christmas Party, we both
balked and outright refused. (Yes she does plan things early). I guess I
have been a bad example for Jake in such respects. He has not attended the
annual charity function since Clarke finally convinced him that Santa was
in fact Jake's grandfather. I think they were ten or eleven. But since
Felix and the kids, those wonderful kids have come into our lives my son
has changed.

I will spend the rest of my life thanking God for the arrival/return into
our lives of the Jarrows of Kentucky. This year has been such a whirlwind
of incredible change, loss, joy and challenge. We have gained and lost so
much! Finding myself listening to the simple innocent and tender requests
of each child who sat on my knee brought tears to my eyes. Those special
moments are what I will always remember best about this years party.  The
musical show was amazing, the lights and special effects brought great
delight and wonder.  The giving of gifts, the Christmas Carol sing along
and the Nativity story was beautifully presented and the great feast
afterwards was just perfect for tiring the kids enough so their parents
could take them home for a good nights sleep. But the part I loved the most
was definitely talking to the children.

Abby looked at me suspiciously and with confusion a couple of times. I
guess her gift was telling her one thing and her eyes another. Lil Shaun
though was totally convinced I was Santa but both of them kept looking
around for me and it was hard for their Dad to explain to them why I wasn't
there. Gary has been promoted yet again to the position of director of
operations at the mine.

What I like about him is his hands on attitude with his workers and his
refusal to leave the union even though he is now very high up the
management ladder. Father I know is quite perturbed by Gary's grassroots
heritage but also quite impressed as well. My dad is totally and completely
entranced by Gary's kids though. And so am I.

Another kid who has positively exploded into our lives has been Mikey. I
gotta tell ya, this kid is dynamite! First time I met him was that day when
he appeared on Lenore's arm at the hospital.  I'd never met a kid quite
like him and I never will again. By the time I finally learned of all that
had gone down at the hospital, I was actually there as a patient. Jeb
Griersen was as equally agog at my story as I was at his.

He explained with great excitement the events that had unfolded there at
the hospital since the last time I had seen him that morning. Sometimes I
can see Jeb's son come out in Jeb's expressions.  Especially when he is
excited about something. I was incredulous at the thought that this little
kid had taken on and beaten Georgia. But it was not just that. I learned
from Junior (older) that even when the detectives interviewed Mikey there
was a notable lack of trauma or signs of disturbance from the kid.

I mean usually you'd take that to mean somethings not right with him anyway
and I'm sure they did but Mikey is almost from another planet in such
respects. They asked why he hid beneath Clarke's bed in the first place? -
He said it was so that he could sneak up on a dragon or sorceress. They
questioned him about where he got the idea to pour hot water on her? His
answer? - The old and young black lady told him a riddle and he solved it
in time. They asked why he wasn't afraid? Mikey replied that only his Mommy
being upset with him or his sisters cooking makes him afraid.

Essentially, in between all the 'blanquishing', 'sorcers' and Clarke
growing up all of a sudden from a little kid into a big kid, they could not
quite get the answers they were looking for. But I perceive that Mikey was
telling the truth as he knew it. Liz told us that one of the investigators
experienced some of Mikey's searing insight when she asked him if Clarke
had done anything sexual to him and/or whether Mikey had ever been sexually
abused in some way and not told anyone?

Mikey said "No, but I know that somebody 'sexfully' abused you and you
ain't told nobody but you could talk about it right now if you like coz
it's OK..."

That poor investigator is now off the case and is now in counseling
herself.

I think the assigned psychologists and whoever else they are believe Mikey
is experiencing some kind of delayed - denial type trauma. His mother
Elizabeth promises us that Mikey is just fine, this is just the way God
made him. I think I will go with what she says!

Last weekend we finally took Ma and Pa Jarrow home. They insisted that only
when Felix was OK to travel would they return. Well he was declared fit on
the Tuesday and on the Saturday we flew into Louisville which was their
first trip on a plane and they did well. My secretary had hired out a large
conference lounge at the airport and we all arranged to meet there before
heading on out to the home place.

We were all there, my folks, my brothers and sisters in law. Miss Dee Dee
and her family representing Miss Carol. Kathleen, Gary, my sons Jake and
Felix, Abby and Lil Shaun, All of Jake's friends from Forkridge and all of
Felix' friends from Kentucky. And also the rest of the sizable Jarrow
family.

It was hard for me to look them in the eye but I tried. I got some
searching looks from the Jarrows who remembered me but nothing overtly
aggressive or accusatory. Perhaps they had been instructed to tone it down?
I could tell by the set jaws of Grandpa Jarrow and Gary that they would
brook no nonsense this day. Not that I didn't deserve it. There were a few
negative looks from some of the younger Jarrows whom I had never met. It
was nothing less than I deserved anyway. But as for the Jarrows I
remembered, they were all class.

The Jarrow family are beautiful people both on the inside and the
outside. They either have shining blue eyes or the rarer luminous purple
hued eyes. If not for the workaday, heavy labor type lives they live,
they'd be like ethereal elves. For all of them the sight of Jake was a
revelation. He truly is a combination of the best of the darker Maxsons and
the lighter Jarrows, possessing our larger boned frames and stature but
their gracefulness and those unforgettable Jarrow eyes. I had warned Jake
about the possibility of trouble and asked him to curb his temper today. It
was something I was really worried about.

But he and they proved me wrong. As they came up to him, inspected him,
touched him, exclaimed over him, cried over him and looked deeply into his
gorgeous beautiful dark violet eyes.  His mother eyes, their beloved
Shonta's eyes. Jake was as trusting as a lamb and I could see some of the
bemused looks upon the faces of some of his gang from back home. I think
they thought they were gonna get fireworks but they got glow sticks
instead.

Jake's own curiosity was peaked and I could see that he too wanted to know,
see and touch his mother's and Felix' blood family just as much as they
were doing the same to him. His eyes were filled with wonder and amazement,
almost as if he had just discovered he had a left hand to go with his
right. I hardly spoke to him the whole eight hours we were there. He was so
absorbed in his new family. I can see already that Jake will be returning
here many times over the coming years.  It leaves a good feeling in my
heart. Jake became the bridge that finally allowed me to cross back over
the river.

By the end of our visit Jake had excitedly (yes he was excited) invited
everyone back to Maxson Eyrie on the weekend of the Starlight Mountain
Dance which was on again after being canceled by Georgia. The kids were
determined to have their dance. Jake had even offered to book a flight for
all concerned from Louisville to Charleston. I guess I'll be forking out
for that one, not that it matters. But I have gotten a few steps ahead of
myself because I need to talk about when we got to the homestead.

Now the truth is that some of the Jarrows have in fact visited the home
place since they learned it was back in their hands again but that was par
for the course. They had been asked by the executors of the Garfield Trust
to go and make sure the homestead was set to their satisfaction and to make
inventory of anything extra they thought needed to have in place. So
various senior members of the family had been popping in and out over
recent months to ensure that the old home place was just that.., Home.

I was glad that we hired a large coach (bus) to take most of us out to the
farm. It would have been a little ostentatious having a long train of
Maxson limos and then the various pick up trucks and regular cars of the
Jarrows. Although my parents, the Senior Jarrows and Miss Dee Dee did
travel together in a very large limousine, I think we can forgive them the
small luxuries. Theirs was the first car onto the property and the long
line of vehicles and our bus parked up behind them in the field before the
front yard.

The homestead main house was beautiful in freshly painted forest green and
white. Through the intervening years Miss Carol's people had kept the farm
ticking over as a workplace. The crops had been harvested in the Summer and
the large new barns and silo's were full. There was a new workshop since
the old one had fallen down. But they had also completely restored,
refurbished, beautified and landscaped the home place as well. It was like
a country dream. When I had visited here in my youth it was peeling,
leaking and cracked for all it's old world charm and family feeling.  As
soon as she was able, Shonta quickly began fixing the place up but then as
you all know I went and ruined everything. The looks of joy and wonder were
mixed with wistfulness and sorrow as we began to move forward as a group to
the big house.

We had no actual idea of how we were gonna do the ceremonial part of the
'handover' of the Jarrow homestead but it all began to flow like honey when
to my relief Miss Dee Dee began proceedings.  Just like her Mother in Law
whose presence I felt strongly that day she used the immense gift God had
given her. She raised up her powerful great voice and began to sing the
classic old slave song.  And without an ounce of political correctness she
even sang the word 'darkie'. Elroy's dad Maurice Haydon joined her and then
moments later so did all the Jarrows.

Oh the sun shines bright in my old Kentucky home, 'Tis summer, the people
are gay; The corn-top's ripe and the meadow's in the bloom, While the birds
make music all the day.

The young folks roll on the little cabin floor, All merry, all happy and
bright; By 'n' by Hard Times comes a-knocking at the door, Then my old
Kentucky home, goodnight.

Weep no more my lady Oh! weep no more today!  We will sing one song for the
old Kentucky home, For the Old Kentucky Home far away.

They hunt no more for the possum and the coon, On meadow, the hill and the
shore, They sing no more by the glimmer of the moon, On the bench by the
old cabin door.

The day goes by like a shadow o'er the heart, With sorrow, where all was
delight, The time has come when the people have to part, Then my old
Kentucky home, goodnight.

The head must bow and the back will have to bend, Wherever the darkie may
go; A few more days, and the trouble all will end, In the field where the
sugar-canes grow;

A few more days for to tote the weary load, No matter, 'twill never be
light; A few more days till we totter on the road, Then my old Kentucky
home, goodnight.

Weep no more my lady

Oh! weep no more today!  We will sing one song for the old Kentucky home,
For the Old Kentucky Home far away.

How I wish you could have heard the singing that day! It was heartbreaking
and soul lifting. Tears and sobs could be heard as we sang and seemed to
sway as we slowly inched our way towards the house singing as we went. Some
of those sobs were my own. The house seemed to be calling to us the closer
we came, reaching out,begging to be reunited with it's masters once
again. I thought of my beloved Shonta and Miss Carol who must have been
smiling down on us that day. No more weeping for them. At some point I
think I cried out aloud,

"I've done right by you Carol, look Shonta love! Look where I am and look
who I have brought!"

We all traipsed on through to the spacious family room which although very
large for a farm house was still not large enough to hold the lot of us. So
some went up along the upstairs railing which climbed up along the side of
the room and gazed down. Others opened the french doors that led outside to
the patio to make more space and still others stood in the kitchen and
dining rooms which opened up into the family room. Some were even outside
looking in windows and us taller ones stood near the sides and back. It was
cold for those who were outside but nobody seemed to even notice.

Henry Taylor raised his hands and asked as many as could to sit down on the
floor if possible.  All the older people sat in the sofa's and some extra
chairs were brought in. My gut began to twist and I felt sick and afraid. I
wished I had sat down. My brothers Bryce and Michael came and they
literally held me up. Kathleen and Jake glanced at me with
concern. Meanwhile the minister was speaking

"Family, I have very few words to say because those are best left to our
now dearly departed Miss Carol Garfield whose lovin hands protected y'all s
beloved home while you were away. Please watch and listen.

Henry then nodded at Maurice Haydon who then signaled to his son
Elroy. Elroy used a remote to switch on the massive wall mounted flat
screen television. My mother gasped as we saw Miss Carol appear seated in
her rocking chair back in her quarters back at the Eyrie.

"Hey there's that old and young angel lady!" exclaimed Mikey who pointed
excitedly jumping up and down. An emotional Clarke scooped him up so he
could see better.

Not to be outdone Abigail rejoindered with "That's just Miss Carols silly
and she is mines friend!"

"Mines too!" declared Lil Shaun.

Yes there sat Abby's friend, larger than life and beside her on her red
walnut lacquered reading table lay her Bible and her legendary pair of
ladies sized brass binoculars. I had to smile in spite of myself and I
wasn't the only one. Her family had taken possession of her Bible and
rightly so but she had bequeathed the binoculars to my mother who now
proudly kept them beside her own favorite rocking chair in her own
quarters. This footage must have been taken slightly before the old lady
died. She sat there for a few seconds humming and rocking and then she went
still and looked straight into the camera. And her eternal gaze captured
the attention of every single eye from Lil Shaun and little Mikey to my
father, grandpa Jarrow and myself. Her ancient voice filled the dead silent
room...

...

"Many of y alls ain't never met me but I sure hope you someday will. I have
loved caring for and watching over y alls beautiful farm while you were
absent. I never came here in the body but for some of us, there are other
ways to travel. Your family knows this real well.

I wanna present to y all my good friends and loved ones, the Maxson family
whom I promise you will like. And I wanna give back to you not only your
farm and not only young Jacob but also his father Ryan. If you would take
back one or two, then you must take back the third also. For I have not
watched over your rightful inheritance this long in order that its full
blessing may be lost.

Your lives and the lives of these people the Maxsons have intersected in de
past and now they do so again. Do not be deceived by their riches or other
outward signs of difference. Do not become bedazzled by the money that will
now flow through to your family because of the good fortune of y alls angel
Shonta. You are harmonic families whose blood sings to one another. Now I
tell you true some of the Maxsons sure do need some singin help fo sho heh
heh, that's how long they been away from y alls!

Many are confused but life is full of mysteries ain't it. Some won't be
fulfilled in y alls lifetimes either but don't forget to learn the lesson!
Appreciate and make the most of the things you can solve today and let
tomorrow worry after its own self. Quit searching for answers from the past
where you will find only more questions. A future shared with loved ones is
a potential problem halved. The more support you got, the better off you'll
be.

There are some among you who have the gift in full measure. It is
everybody's responsibility to raise those people right and with love. It's
no use having such talent at your side if you ain't gonna protect
it. Finally I say to those of you who are unbelievers that there is a
spiritual world. If you don't believe it now children, it be too late to
change y alls minds when this life ends and the next begins, and none of y
all know when that day could be.

The old still know the way home but the way is so perilous now. De young
are strong and could get there if only they knew how. Together we must go,
old and strong, young and wise. It's time for the gray haired to sleep, so
the youthful must rise.

Get on up I say! Get on up and join a'gether for hard times is surely
comin, but if you are united they will only be challenges and not
insurmountable obstacles.  I love you, you know I do, now turn this damn
thang off Mau-rice!"

...

We all laugh, cry and clap as the screen goes blank. My final image of her
was watching her shoo Maurice and Old Henry Taylor away as she made to get
up out of her rocking chair. 'Get on up.' she said... 'Get on up and join
agether.'

Henry Taylor says a prayer and then hands proceedings over to Joe Jarrow
who is the family member old man Jarrow chose to be in charge here. The
first thing Joe does is come over to me and hug me. I remember Joe from the
past and always knew him as Shonta's favorite cousin.

"This here is ours!" he calls.

"What say y all!"

Everybody roars and I am glad my brothers were still nearby to hold me up
because my legs gave out. I feel so stupid but grateful, humbled.

"Any naysayers?" Absolute silence greets the question.

"Yeah that's mighty fine but some of y all know I got my shotgun out back
heh heh!"

Joe stops suddenly and looks around apologetically before ducking his head,
so that's where Felix gets it from.

"I ree-tract that comment on account of some of those present who has been
shot before heh heh" The resultant roar of laughter is like music to my
ears.

Finally Joe pauses and looks round the room. He is greeted with big smiles
and cheeky Jarrow grins. The same grin Jake told me he saw on Felix' face
when they had their tree escapade. The same grin I was privileged to see on
my Shonta's face a million times before I lost her. The same grin I see
every day on my beautiful Kathleen's face now that I've found her.

The liberation of my soul is finally complete. I feel redeemed at last. I
have been allowed to come home.

Joe's long suffering wife Maggie guided the old folks round the tour of the
house while the rest of us were sent to the main barn which was seriously
decked out for one hell of a hoe-down. It was well appointed with a large
kiln fire at one end and ladies and gents bathrooms out the back.  Grace
was said and we all got stuck in.

I sat on a hay bale with Kathleen who says it's just like the best
Christmas ever. I have to agree.  I am just so thankful that my huge
mistake has been forgiven and I am still able to be a part of this magical
family. Finally I just wanna say thank you to Shonta.

Thank you – Shonta – When I finally started listening again, you lead
me to Kathleen and Felix.  I no longer look up into the sky to search for
you and miss you.  I look up to praise God for you and to thank you.

Love always

Ry.


JAKE

(Nearly three months later)

My first Christmas with Felix. My first Christmas without Miss Carol. It's
bittersweet. But then again this could have been the first Christmas
without several of us if things had not gone our way.  It seems like only
yesterday that it all happened but it's been months. Felix and I wake up
every night because I have terrible nightmares. I have had to wean myself
out of the inclination of trying to crush him to myself every night, all
night long. It's not easy.

I have panic attacks where I feel like I have been shot. And when Felix has
to go have tests or something, well I get really antsy. I guess I don't
like Felix being away for too long. I get anxious and have these weird
experiences. It's almost as if it's me who was lying in the house shot and
burning to death and not him. Felix is so much stronger than me
emotionally. I previously thought that my staunch coldness and intimidating
stare surmounted to psychological toughness but I was wrong.

Felix sleeps with a smile on his face just like he always has since I have
met him. Felix watches chick flicks and cries along with all the
girls. Felix is filled with wonder and amazement at every new thing he
learns whereas I pretend that I don't care and just say 'Whatever'... Felix
has forgiven Aimee and Georgia for the lies and deception and insane evil
they subjected him to and inflicted upon him and others. I will NEVER EVER
forgive them.

I lay in bed at night my mind racing. I replay through my mind that moment
when I smashed my fist through Aimee's dog face caving it in. I wish I had
the time to do more and worse. I pretend that I could have poured the
boiling water down Georgia's throat and let her choke on it! My word am I
jealous of Mikey! Most of all I wish I had done more to keep Felix safe.

'But what more could you have done?' I hear a voice say in my head. I know
it's said that if you hear strange voices in your head then you must be
losing it. Well I don't care coz I think I went round the bend long
ago. Months ago when I first looked into someones eyes and got hopelessly
lost. I'm not always this depressed though. Not all the time. There is a
lot of motivation for me to work on myself. To make myself not get so down
like this. Abigail told me the other night that I gotta quit being sad or
else the bad man will come into my head. Now that REALLY freaked me out!

She told me to sing Miss Carol's 'Boiler Boat' song if I ever get scared
but Hell I think I'm more scared of that damned song than I am of any damn
man in my head. I only get like this late at night or when Felix is away. I
just don't ever want to be too far away from him. I know he must get sick
of me following him around like some crazy lovesick puppy but I can't help
it. I love it when he just smiles and hugs me. How he just accepts my need
to be near him and keeps giving me incredible love back in return. My daddy
says he is just like my mother in that respect.

I have enjoyed so many precious moments with him in the months since the
'fire'. We have become so much closer if that's even possible and not just
because of my attachment complex. I loved sitting together with him and
holding him at the reprised edition of the Starlight Mountain Dance. All my
friends were there, all his Kentucky friends and some younger cousins were
there, all the haters were there. It was beautiful haha! I got to hold and
nuzzle him and we rocked gently to the music.

Felix could not dance coz he was still bandaged and healing and by the way
his legs are healing great! He will have to wear special pressure bandages
(air bubble things) and clothing for months yet but by the end of it you'll
need a magnifying glass to see any of his scars. So we sat in our little
corner where I presided over the proceedings as was my right me being the
BMOC an all. Fake people came to pay their dues and talk their usual load
of sh#t. Real people came to just sit with us and chill. Lots of girls came
to see if Felix could dance or if I wanted to dance.

One guy called Randy Adams came to say how cool it was that Felix and I
were 'out' and he asked if I wanted to dance. He said I was an awesome gay
role model. I was quite surprised. Here was a gay guy right in front of me
and all this time I never knew.

"Dude I ain't gay so don't call me that again. I just like Felix and if it
wasn't for Felix I'd be with some chick aight?"

"Ummm sure OK whatever you say Jake. I.I.I I'm s-sorry I said that." his
whole demeanor changes from confident and happy to afraid, unsure and
ashamed.

"Yeah and you won't be saying it again now would ya?"

"N-no I would never say it again I am so sorry for everything I said and
asked OK bye."

He scampers off and I note how much smaller he looks all hunched over like
that. Can't he walk proper?

I turn around and if looks could kill... Felix looks steamed and hurt and
that kills me. Jessica, who is the last person on Earth any sane man would
ever want to cross looks like she's been 'criss-crossed'. Mark won't look
at me and Junior walks past me shoving me out of the way and I'm like
'WTF!' I look at Clarke my old buddy but no luck there he just gets up and
carefully eases past me without a word. He still has to be careful how he
moves. I have fully recovered physically but Clarke has not. There are no
visible injuries to him now, not one single scar but the bullets and other
physical damage took some toll.

Felix' Kentucky friends and family are trying to pretend they don't
exist. Something about this situation reminds me of the early days when I
beat Felix up at school and when I accused him of telling Jessica about us
in the Conservatory. I know I should apologize and make amends but my
stupid pride...

"What!" I yell.

"What the hell are you all looking at?!?"  It's Jessica who answers. Of
course. She gets up walks over to me, looks at me and does her famous
disdainful sniff.

"I'm looking at nothing." she and Mark walk off.

Damn I've heard that before. Felix' Kentucky friends give him daps and then
shuffle off away to the side. It's just me and Felix now.

"OK I f##cked up and I am sorry. I will go and apologize to him but I ain't
dancing with him."

Felix for once does not accommodate me and I feel so small.

"Alright you can apologize to Randy but he doesn't need you to dance with
him."

Felix nods his head towards the dancefloor. I turn around and damn but it
is so shocking what I discover! Damn!

Randy Adams is dancing, and with a guy too but it's not just any guy! It's
my bud Clarke! One of the coolest guys in the whole school. Mr ladies man
deluxe edition. I turn and look back at Felix with incredulity.

"It's no different to you and me really and Clarke is prolly only dancin
with him coz you were a total bozo and a jerk Jacob."

Felix' voice is calm but I know that when he says my whole name I am in a
whole world of trouble.

"But, but why is Clarke dancing with him? Clarke's not gay!"

"Would you have a problem if Clarke was in fact gay Jake?"

I was about to blurt out what I thought but something in my peanut brain
stopped me.

"Errr I don't know, haven't thought about it."

"I think Jake that it is about time you did think about it because I love
you and I consider myself gay now because of that."  He draws himself up
and rises to his full height. In this moment he seems taller than me even
though that is impossible. He is magnificent when he gets all like this. I
am both afraid and excited by it. I guess I am just a stickler for pain.

"Jake, I won't ever try to tell you what you are, but please, please,
PLEASE for the sake of all that's good in the world, don't destroy the
spirit of those who are brave enough to try and be who they are."

His eyes are full of pain and I'm to blame.

"Oh baby I am so sorry and I promise. I just didn't think. I will not do it
ever again!"

Why do I keep screwing it all up like this? I am just learning too. I am
still just a seed and I have so far to go but man can I stuff things up or
what?

He sits back down and pats the chair beside him. I think it means I am
allowed to sit with him again.  Gratefully I do so. He lets me hold him
again.

"You know I will always forgive you baby coz one day I will do something
crazy that will require your forgiveness also." he says.

I really don't believe he will to be honest but I just nod as if to agree
with him.

"But you gotta help that boy Randy to feel good about himself OK? You may
not want to dance with him but you could do something else maybe?"

"Ok deal, let me see what I can come up with."

"Good but for now just hold me and let's pretend we're dancing again."

The D.J. Is playing that old Air Supply song 'All out of love'. Silvery
blue light flickers all around the Grand Ballroom of the Eyrie. It's really
beautiful, almost ethereal. The spotlight is on Jessica and Mark for the
moment, the golden couple. But my eyes keep getting drawn to Clarke and
Randy.  Sue and Clarke ended their relationship about a month ago and now
Sue is going out with Big Hec Johnstone and they actually look good
together. Clarke is like totally OK with it and Hec's a real nice guy. For
some reason that old spark just wasn't there anymore with Clarke and Sue.

Truth be told, one thing I noticed Clarke never talked about anymore was
girls. Once upon a time you couldn't shut him up about which girl was hot
or which girl was easy or which girl was just a cock tease. But in the
months since the 'fire', his eyes just glaze over whenever Junior or I get
talking about the local female talent stocks. Is what I'm seeing the future
for Clarke Griersen hottest stud bar me? A part of me is incensed because
this change in him could only be the result of Aimee and her filthy little
hands. Has my lifetime friend gone gun shy on girls!

I'm really confused about all this and it will take time to get my head
around my buddy's sexuality or lack thereof. As for myself I just don't
question it. I love Felix, I don't love other guys and that's all there is
to it. I still look at female porn, I don't dig guys, they don't interest
me only Felix does.  Don't call me bi, don't call me gay, don't label me
anything. I'm just me, I am Jake and I love Felix.  I am Jake Maxson who
loves Felix Jarrow.

In the end I did apologize to Randy about my incredible duh-ness and found
him to be pretty decent.  I found out that he rides and so I invited him to
come back up top to go riding with me and Junior, Mark, Elroy and the
girls. Clarke wasn't yet ready to ride again, among other things and Felix
was still many months away from taking up his horseback riding lessons
again.

Randy turned out to be an exceptional rider and once I found some safe
common ground to share with him our relationship really grew wings. He
adores Felix and now that he's not afraid of me anymore, he comes up to
visit Felix and ride most days. He even comes up and rides when none of us
want to or are unable to go over to the stables with him.

I'm glad for all sorts of reasons that Felix has moved in with me
permanently. It makes having sex so much more convenient haha! Unlike
Clarke, Felix had lost none of his 'appetite for destruction' and we
quickly had to figure a way to get as comfortable as we could with mine and
his various injuries whilst having 'sex'. I say 'sex' because we still
haven't officially done the deed yet, if you know what I mean. Not until he
is fit and recovered will any of that be happening. He said so and I am
happy to oblige.

You know if he was a chick I think I'd be planning on maybe finding it
somewhere else by now but I am so happy to wait. I'm fine with it. The
excitement and desire to just boink him is excruciating sometimes but we
get a lot of laughs and a great deal of consolation and stimulation from
the things we do try. Felix blushed the other night and said he had heard
of sex toys haha he's so innocent!  Once I had picked my jaw up off the
floor (and recovered from realizing just how cute he is when he is
embarrassed), I nonchalantly asked him what he thinks of sex toys and which
sex toys in particular?

What sex toy begins with 'D' and has 5 letters in it? Yeah you guessed
it. There's a funny song Clarke used to like to sing...

"D.I.L.D.O.., D.I.L.D.O.., D.I.L.D.O.., and Dildo was its name-oh!"

I'm not quite sure what to think of his past choice of that song
considering how much he spends so much time now with Randy haha. As I said
before, best not to think about it at all-oh!

So many things about Felix excite me, but other facets of his nature and
personality make me protective and watchful too. His buds from Kentucky
told me that Felix doesn't seem as assertive as he used to be. Now a big
part of that just has to be from the night of the 'fire' but a little
nagging voice tells me that the way I treated him initially has somewhat to
do with it also. I have learned that you just don't physically and
emotionally abuse someone as precious as Felix, apologize and expect him to
recover and be over it in say a few days. Somethings will radiate down
through my life for perhaps even years, maybe forever. It makes me sad.

So yeah, it is rare to see Felix stand up for himself and frankly I'd love
to see him do it more often.  Unfortunately most of the times I've seen it
(which have been few), well most of those were times when he stood up
against me... Oh well I can't have it all my own way now can I. But I gotta
say.., there is something amazingly attractive that manifests itself in him
when he does behave assertively.  I plan on drawing it out of him over the
coming months and hopefully I won't be the negative cause next time. I plan
on being a positive catalyst.

Felix and I had a real good talk about that night. The night of the
'fire'. We were lying in bed and it just came up. I guess it was time. I
know he had spoken to the authorities and shrinks but he and I had never
really discussed it up until this time. That's when I learned just how much
Felix loves me.  How much he loves my worthless conceited carcass. I asked
him what he remembered and he said he remembered it all. The heat, the
things she said and did to him but most of all he remembered how much I
loved him and how much he loved me.

"I wasn't trying to ignore her Jake but in my mind I had a choice of
totally focussing on her or ending my life thinking about and giving thanks
for all the precious joys and experiences I have received."

He blushes a little.

"Umm I'm sorry if that sounds a lil weird but I chose to think about my
Momma, my Daddy eventhough he wasn't around for me, the kids, my grand
folks and all of my friends.., and you."

"And me?" I ask.

Yes I know what he said but I just wanted to hear it confirmed you know?

"Yes you. I have already decided that when my time comes you will be the
last thing on my mind.  I want you to know that now OK?"

I nod and we find each others hands to press our kisses into.

"I really thought my time was upon me. I really hated that I was destined
to die like that."

I snake my arm around him and pull him into me, burying my nose in his
newly grown but still short
 golden hair and kiss him on top of his head.

"What did you think about baby? In those last moments?"

"I thought of all the great times you and I have had together and it made
me smile. And I cried over them. I cried over the times we would never
have. I felt so sure that we were meant to be together till we grew old and
died."

He sniffs and I stroke and kiss his face. He was really red in the face for
ages but in the past month or so the redness has all gone and he looks just
like my Felix again. We spend a few moments kissing and I start feeling a
familiar urge building in me. Puissant and primal, wanting to claim him and
also present myself to him as his suitor, his prince and partner
forever. To think I almost lost this!

"Well baby you didn't die and we ARE gonna be together till we both get as
old as Miss Carol haha!"

He gives me an impish smile.

"Hopefully not quite that long..."

We both giggle and I roll us over till he is on top of me. I am conscious
of his legs but they don't seem to bother him much. The thing he hates is
the itchiness he gets from the healing process. It's the classic scenario
of the itch you cannot scratch.

I grasp his hands and spread them over my head. This forces him to meet me
forehead to forehead.  His sweet breath and pretty, endless, depthless gaze
seagues into every fiber of my awareness. I have wracked my brain so many
times trying to seek out any sign that I was destined to pursue a
relationship with another guy. I can't find anything which even remotely
suggests that this boy was going to be it for me.

We kiss again, more slowly this time and he begins to grind into me. I rise
up to meet him, both my mouth and my hips. I keep our hands suspended up
above our heads out of the way and slide our bodies down the massive bed to
give my long arms stretching room.

Will we still be together in five years time? Ten years time? I don't know
but I am gonna damn well try everything I can to make sure that this is
what I come home to every night. I know already that he will take care of
me. Apart from cleaning bathrooms and maybe vacuuming I am pretty much
ornamental by and large. We've discussed going to college, careers and
having our own home.

He has told me he just wants to be near me, even if he fails to get into
the college I choose. He doesn't really know what career he would like to
pursue because he never really thought he was going to be doing anything
other than going down the mines. And as far as our own home goes, he isn't
comfortable with my idea that we are going to live here at the Eyrie and
all that goes with it, but he knows it is gonna happen regardless and I
guess he accepts it. Felix said that in his heart he just wants us to run
our own more modest home and live like normal people do.

I have to be honest and say that part of me balks at some of his ideas but
another side of me is proud of him for telling me his thoughts and
feelings. I don't ever want to have a relationship with him where he feels
that he cannot tell me what he thinks or believes. Especially when it means
he may disagree with my own point of view. I want us to be open and to
share our thoughts and feelings, even though I know there will be times
when I won't wanna hear it.

He has brought his hands down to my shoulders, he loves my shoulders, he
told me so. He has propped himself up on me so that he can ride me. My
velvet pajama bottoms and his boxers have miraculously disappeared and our
turgid dicks are busily slicking and sliding. Everytime the underside of
his cock slides over the underside of mine I feel the Earth move. The feel
of another guys penis is something I never thought I'd ever get used to, or
ever have to get used to for that matter.

I remember silently freaking out about it in those first few heady days
when I knew I was gonna go ahead and explore this outrageous, irresistable
attraction I felt for Felix Jarrow. His penis is actually rather large for
a slender boy like my baby is. And you know what? I love it. I love every
inch of it! I ain't gonna tell you how many inches but I love them all
haha. I've seen the fear in his eyes sometimes when he has looked at the
size of my dick. Yes I have a very generoously sized one but you don't need
to hear it right?

I know that he has been mentally measuring and assessing just how he's
gonna fit this thing inside of him. I've been wondering the same thing
about accomodating 'Little not so little Felix'. I had to laugh one night
last week when we caught each other doing the mental arithmetic. We both
smiled at one anothers looks of determination. It still makes me smile even
now. So many things make me smile about my baby. Right now the way his
tongue is lathing my cock is really making me smile.  He makes my toes curl
and his electric middle finger makes me mewl and whine and start to carry
on like a little b#tch on heat haha.

I can't help it he's so talented. I love it when he goes at my ass like
that. I grab the ever present 'hand cream' on the sideboard and in my
excitement dab too much of the cold concoction onto my hand getting some
onto his back causing him to arch up. The sudden movement mashes our dicks
together painfully and we both grunt and hyperventilate before laughing. I
drag him back down to me and we kiss again. I rub the excess cream into his
back then slick his fingers with my own before leading them back to my
sphincter which is begging to be teased and tapped. Meanwhile my other hand
is doing a little exploration of its own.

I'm a real sensual kind of guy or maybe the word is sensitive, I mean it. I
think I have always been ultra switched on to mood changes in other people
but also their various physical responses. Like right now I can see how
Felix body is reacting to my various 'ministrations'. When I stroke his
cock his breathing catches each moment I complete a stroke. When I nip and
lick his nipples he shudders and twists and I have to hold him tight with
my arms.

When I engulf his dick into my mouth his head comes up and he gazes at the
sight of me sucking him off with amazement. When I get my digits deep
inside of him his beautiful eyes go smokey and clouded and he seems to stop
registering that I am even there anymore. He goes to another place.  It's
so sexy. And when I think about the cute little sounds he makes and the
things he does in response well it's almost heart attack material isn't it.

When he plays with my ass he gets really aggressive and I love it. I'd hate
to have a lover who was always stuck in one gear. I like excitement and
variety and although I might be a more dominant type personality it only
makes things jucier when I myself can get dominated and my little baby
really knows how to take control of proceedings. My ass is full of his
fingers and it's so tempting to just tell him to put his dick in there and
be done with it. I know we promised to go slow and all, but I kinda really
want it bad you know? - do you know?

It's not like I am pressuring him to let me boink him you know, I am ready
I think to let him do the honors on me. My dick is much bigger than Felix'
and his ain't small so I guess he is a little bit more squeamish than I
would be about finally doing the deed. I know I would be if I saw something
my size getting ready to 'Head up the Khyber Pass'. I think that he would
feel pressured to let me in the back door if I gave him the keys to mine so
I don't want to 'force the issue'. Also I have been acquainted with the the
joys of self-ass love (haha) for a lot longer than he has so it just makes
for yet another reason why I am more ready than he is.

One thing about Felix that really impresses me is his selflessness. He is
always and I mean ALWAYS thinking about everyone else first and himself
last. But it is only when he is in the throes of orgasm that I can actually
and finally see him getting lost in something that is all about himself. At
last he lets go and just lets himself indulge in what must be one of the
ultimate forms of self expression. He closes his eyes, bites his lip,
throws his head back and just lets himself like totally come apart.

It really gets me off seeing him like this, knowing that I make him come
like this, knowing that I help him to get there. Just mere seconds later I
explode as well my happy seeds joining his. We snuggle into one another not
worrying for the moment about wet spots or anything like that. We wake up
hours later to find that someone has strategically thrown some covers over
us. This is something that Felix will agonize and blush about for days
maybe even weeks. But as for me?, well I don't give much of a damn. You
see? That's the difference between Felix and me.

We went to Charleston to go to the movies the other night and stayed there
at a large residence that my family owns and sometimes uses while on
business there. It was the whole gang too, even Lenore and BLAM. Even Hec
and Sue, even Randy. We had a great night out at dinner and even managed to
laugh (some more than others) about the girls cat fight at Fast Eddies so
many weeks ago.

A lot of the talk was about college dreams and applications for next year
but we also did a lot of talking about ourselves and each other. I learned
how much I love all these guys and how sad it will be for all of us to have
to split apart when college time comes. Elroy and Tina are still juniors
but after his senior year, Elroy is going into the Military where he plans
on becoming an officer.  He wants to be the next Colin Powell. Now Tina is
not so happy with a lot of his plans but the one thing she is happy about
is the fact that they are gonna get married before he goes to boot camp.

I wish them the best of luck coz it is so hard to be a military wife and
there will be many times when they are apart which can cause all sorts of
added stress for the relationship. There is also the unspoken possibility
of being killed in action, but the less said about that the better.
Something tells me that these two will be OK. They just seem so relaxed and
united and smart about what they have. I once sought Elroy s advice about
how stressed I get and you know what he told me? He quoted Jerome K Jerome.

"It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work
to do."

That's what he said and yes I am still trying to figure it all out
haha. That's Elroy for you. He is the man. He really misses Miss Carol and
so do I. I've seen him wandering around her old quarters a few times now. I
guess I was doing the same thing. Grandmother has said that apart from
general cleaning her quarters will remain the same as long as the mansion
remains. I know that when I take over I certainly won't be changing a thing
either.

There are times when I could swear the old lady has just walked out of a
particular room just as I have walked into it. Sometimes I can detect the
scent of rosewater and I think I can hear the sound of silk on
taffeta. It's not a creepy feeling, it's more wistful and when it happens I
often feel myself caught up in a reverie that shades me out of this current
phase of time and into an between place, almost like another dimension. I
actually take comfort from it.

Grandmother has really taken Miss Carol's death hard, we all have but she
in particular has only just begun to properly mourn the loss of Miss
Carol. In the first days after her passing Grandmother was too busy with
all the hostessing and various other funeral arrangements to actually mourn
Miss Carol. We have all tried to be as supportive as we can without
becoming annoying you know? Miss Dee Dee and two of her neices stayed for
quite a while before heading back to their California residences, so that
was good for Grandmother also.

Even after they left there Nana had the Jarrow elders to host and they were
a great consolation and excellent company too. But now they have returned
triumphantly to their own home place, Dad is going through a second
adolescence (groan) with Momma Felix and Grandfather has finally begun to
pay attention to his business dealings again. (his way of coping with Miss
Carol's absence).  It breaks my heart to see my grandmother walking around
aimless sometimes. Touching the chair where Miss Carol always sat at
breakfast and like Elroy and myself she has been visiting all the old
familiar places.

I said that Dad has been busy with Miss Kathleen but to be fair he and
Felix' Mom make sure to spend almost every evening keeping Nana
company. Elroy's folks spend a lot more time with her too and together they
are compiling a selection of Miss Carol's copious memoirs with the help of
the gatekeeper Mr Allen and his wife who are geneology buffs. Even Felix
and I have made a supreme effort to join her for most every breakfast and
dinner and also for the traditional parlor games that have been played here
most week nights for generations. The Chief of Household Mr Williamson and
his wife have begun joining us at this time too.

It's funny, when she was alive I was always frustrated that Miss Carol
would force me to curb my natural aggressiveness during parlor games. I
always swore that when the old bat finally decided to go on up I would at
last be able to whoop it up. But now I find myself playing mahjong, chess
or euchre with perfect gentility and decorum. I don't even WANT to play up,
even when Felix beat me last night at dominoes! I shook his hand and kissed
him even... shakes head.

Grandfather misses her too but as I said earlier his way of dealing with it
is to work, work, work.  It makes me quite emotional when we are having a
conversation and he turns to Miss Carols chair or whatever awaiting her
ever sage and willing advice. I don't think he can quite believe he's never
gonna hear it from the source quite like he used to. We all know how he
feels.

The greatest comfort for Grandmother though has been the children. The
rambunctuous play and chatter of Abby and Lil Shaun fill her daytime hours
with much delight, mirth and joy and the fact that they seemed to establish
some kind of spiritual connection with Miss Carol also brings great
satisfaction and joy to my Grandmother. She has commanded Gary to stay here
and not even think about moving back to town.

Grandmother told me that Miss Carol was waiting for someone to take over
her position as the family whatever you wanna to call it. Sage, Prophetess,
Guide? She actually didn't think much of all those kind of expressions but
you know what I mean. Nana believes she was holding on till the right one
came along. Well we ended up getting three of them and they're all
kids. Abby, Lil Shaun and Mikey. I don't know to what degree or for how
long they will have it but they sure got it and Miss Carol has certainly
departed so I guess that's kinda mission accomplished.

And so the Eyrie moves on. Another generation is in place, new faces,
different voices and most of all more love. You know, I have more love in
my life now than I have ever had and it's not as if I have been deprived of
it. Miss Carol might be gone but she promised me that she would always love
me and I can feel that love even from beyond the veil. Both sets of
grandparents and our wider familys are a strong presence in my life as well
and I try harder now to give back to them what they have sacrificed for
me. And at times I can also feel my mother so long absent from my life.
When I sense her the air tingles all around me. My blood rushes every time
the Jarrow's are nearby. One Jarrow in particular.

He reaches out to me and my blood flows sweetly through my veins
envitalizing my body with sweet refrain. He cries and I surge with
urgency. An unbelievable need to answer his call and keep him safe. He
smiles and my heart is suddenly at ease and all is right with the
world. And in the background I swear I can hear my Mother singing, catches
of a lullaby long ago and so far a way drifts through my mind like
untouchable smoke into the farthest recesses of my soul.

Jessica was telling me just the other day that it's often our imperfections
that define us as people.  But these same imperfections in turn can often
be the making of us. I am inclined to agree. I think we are all loaded with
faults, weird quirks and prejudices, miscalculations and fears. But we each
have the unique opportunity to overcome them and more than this, we can
turn such weaknesses into strengths giving us the ability to seek
redemption and success from out of the clutches of depravity, hardship,
selfishness and even certain destruction. Some people I can think of never
did figure this out and they were older and supposedly wiser and more
experienced than me.

About a week ago I returned to Kentucky again with my father. Daddy took me
to see my mother.  Or should I say – her tomb. She was buried in a big
cemetery just outside of Lexington in a very large and ornate white marble
tomb with a flat white dome on top. Dad said he had it built because he
wanted to honor her but also protect her. As we got closer I soon began to
see from what he intended to protect her. There were people there, fans I
guess and just curious people having their photos taken outside and walking
around Mom's tomb.

There were lots of flowers and trinkets laid on the stone benches that were
in front of the mausoleum and many people were standing around a memorial
plaque. Dad told me it had a big photo of my Mom and the story of her
career on it as well. I asked if it had anything about him or me on it and
he said no. It only talked about her, how beautiful and talented she was,
how she was tragically taken and how her family would miss her eternally.

I learned that Dad usually visited the tomb three or four times a year. On
her birthday, on their Wedding Annversary and on the day they met. He said
he often had to visit at night which was kinda scary to me, not my Mom part
but the being in a cemetery at night part. But he said he always had a
local caretaker, his driver and security with him whenever he came here
because sometimes people still happened to be about and some of them
recognized him. God knows what they were doing here at night! Maybe they
picked some of the dates and knew to be there at the same time each year?

The day that we visited there were maybe twelve or thirteen people milling
about so we just had to 'run the gauntlet'. The attendant guy went ahead of
us. He walked up to the heavy iron gate doors and unlocked them. I could
hear the excited chatter of the nearby people. That's when Dad took my hand
and we walked on over. We had three security guys with us and Dads
secretary Mr Barnes as well. I tried to block out the voices of the people
as we moved through the growing little crowd but I heard snippets
regardless.

"Look who it is! It's Ryan Maxson oh my God!", "Hey look he's going inside,
lets follow him!"  "Who's that with him could it be his son?" "No I think
it's his gay lover..."

I had to smile at the last one. Security let us go through and then they
closed the door behind us which kinda gave me a fright coz everything went
pitch black. Dad switched on a light locked the door from the inside. The
room was about 20 feet square and had an austere black and white tiled
floor with opaque onyx marble walls that had light sconces on them. Dad
took my hand and led us to a stair way that I had missed on first
perusal. It was kinda cool and kinda freaky at the same time.

The place was a much smaller version of the Maxson Mausoleum back in
Forkridge right down to the way it smelled. Like varnish, cold, old air and
I guess death. Not the rotting body kind of death but I don't know – I
guess I'd call it the 'All in my mind' death smell. We went down 30 steps
and Dad produced a second key. Through one more set of doors, heavy oak
this time and then we were into the Crypt proper. It was lit brightly and
was furnished similarly to the rest of the tomb. I stopped in my tracks
when I realized there was a coffin on a raised stone bench in the middle of
the room.

Dad removed the sheet that covered it and then I was as close to my mother
since my abrupt birth many years ago. But you know what? I didn't feel like
she was even here. I could feel no trace or sense of her in this cold
subteranean room. I said this to Dad and he actually agreed.  He told me
her ashes were inside. Only the Jarrows knew that and they were the only
other people permitted to visit here. I noticed the coffin was affixed
strongly to the plinth and the lid was likewise very noticable for its
tight hermetic seal.

We stayed there for maybe 45 minutes and Dad told me some cool stories
about him and Mom.  I cuddled into him and asked questions and listened
intently as he reminisced. It was only during this time that I felt the
presence of my mother was with me. As soon we quit reminiscing, that
feeling of warmth and care evaporated instantly. I was glad to finally
learn where my Mom is buried and will return here and bring Felix but one
thing I believe. My mothers spirit does not visit this place or rest in
this place at all. It's only when family come around that her spirit joins
them here.

When we came back up out of the crypt I was shocked to find news media and
a much larger crowd had gathered outside. With the help of Dad's security
detail, the caretaker and two of his helpers, Mr Barnes and our driver we
were able to get to the cars and leave the area but not before many photos
and a lot of film footage was taken of us. I didn't care really but Dad
didn't look too impressed.  I have so much to thank my mother and my father
for. I am glad to have been born their son and I am proud of both my Maxson
and Jarrow heritage. I am the last person who can talk magnaminously about
life and living so I won't. All I know is that I keep being given amazing
chances to solve my problems, fix my mistakes and do things better.

How many times will someone as undeserving as myself be blessed by these
angels that have surrounded me all my life and especially recently? I don't
know but I pray that it never ends.

God don't ever take him away from me please.

...

FELIX

(Present)

My Momma was married yesterday and it was the most beautiful I have ever
seen her. It was my honor and privilege to be able to give her away to Mr
Ryan. I have never seen her looking so glorious, so young. I found myself
telling anybody who wanted to hear that she was my Momma.  Most of those
people well knew who she was but I didn't care. All that day she looked
like she could hardly believe it was happening to her. My mother, so long
the bridesmaid, overlooked most of her life by fate or fortune or whatever
you like to call it. She was getting married at last! It was her day and
she had everything just how she could have had it in her wildest dreams.

As the family of the bride we the Jarrows insisted on paying for everything
and the Maxson's graciously deferred, giving us a wonderful opportunity to
utilize some of the money that had come over to us from Aunt Shonta's
estate. Momma was resplendent in white and was attended by six beautiful
Jarrow ladies all garbed in creme chiffon and ashes of roses. I kept
getting choked up at how pretty and radiant the ladies of my family can
look when they have the benefit of not having to lack for anything. As for
the groomsmen, well they were so handsome! Uncle Ryan was ably attended by
his two older brothers, his best friend and best man John Philips, The
Sheriff, Jessica's Dad Cy Thomas and Clarke's Dad Jeb.

He had wanted Jake to be part of his little party which would have extended
both bridal and groom entourages out to seven a piece but Jake got all
sulky and didn't want to cooperate. Ryan was perplexed at his sons kinda
ornery yet not altogether surprising response. Momma had a few quiet words
in his ear and he let it go. It's not that Jake didn't want them to get
married. He was thrilled that his daddy was marrying my mother coz he told
me so an all. I think what got him was the reality that he was now going to
have to share. He was gonna have to accept that his Dad would have another
major and extremely important person in his everyday life and I sure don't
think he was ready for it.

He is still trying to figure out a way to 'marry' (forgive the pun) the
idea of his dad and my mother being a devoted husband and wife and he knew
he was gonna have to figure out how to have his dad and not get in the way
of things. Truth is, he can still have his daddy but from now on he just
can't have him all to himself. When I tried to explain to Jake how I got to
share my Momma with the children, Uncle Ry and now Jake himself, well he
din't quite understand. Quite often Jake can absorb only what is happening
to him personally. I guess it's jez part of who he is. There was one other
reason why Jake did not wanna be in the groom crew. They were all 'old'
hehe.

Momma was a lil unconventional in allowing the kids to dress up instead of
being suited out.  Abigail looked real cute dressed as a pink princess with
angel wings. She did a fantastic job of scattering rose petals
everywhere.., almost. It was just as she got to the end that she deviated
from the scheduled program. The music had just stopped and everyones eyes
were still on the bridal cotillion including the beautiful little girl with
the honey gold hair and lilac eyes.

With an exasperated sigh she dropped her little basket crossed her arms,
stamped her foot and announced in her piercing Abilgail voice..,

"And who's gonna clean all this messes ups?"

"Yreah! And where are we goin? Hey what is all this anyways?" cried Lil
Shaun as always just seconds behind his older sister.

Lil Shaun had evidently forgotten the whole week of rehearsals and walk
throughs we had all been subjected to. In recent months he has really been
starting to talk and he goes on like a little a chatter box from sun up to
sun down. I am kinda worried coz his current idols include the likes of
Mikey, Clarke and Jake!

Uncle Gary, who refused to be part of either of the official parties on
account of his apparently achy knees, had to lean over from his front row
seat and do some real quick and quiet (kinda) talking to stop his kids from
turning the special day into riot. Anyway, disaster was averted in the
end. Just barely.

Actually, Lil Shaun looked so cool in his little custom made suit of
armour, his little eyes peering out from the visor of his helmet. Jake had
bought suits of armor (rubberized plastic) for both Mikey and Lil Shaun at
Christmas time much to the distress of their respective mothers. You know
how kids want to wear their favorite outfits everywhere? Like to bed and to
school and in the swimming pool... Well today he looked dashing in his red
and gold metallic armour replete with sword and shield. Somehow he managed
to bear the wedding rings on their little cushion without dropping them. I
think he has my coordination.

So my Momma got married down in the little church where we started
worshiping since Miss Carol invited us all those months ago. Not even the
press could spoil the perfection of that day. Oh yes they tried for all
sorts of angles about Uncle Ryan marrying the cousin of his dead wife these
past twelve years. Between the Sheriff, the Maxsons and pretty much the
whole town we managed to keep the media at bay long enough for everything
to go perfectly for my Momma's special day.

Unca Ry looked totally like a movie star that day. I gotta say he is always
well turned out but on that day he went all out and the result just blew
everyone away. I saw Jake in him! Dressed in classic tailored black tie he
just looked devastating with his hair slicked back like in those old time
movies. Like Cary Grant or George Clooney or himself even just way hotter!
All the ladies were like totally bowled over by his awesome looks. I think
they call it star quality. Gone was the shyness, the calm remoteness and
even the supposed dorkiness that Jake claims to see in his father.  This
was a confident, purposeful and decisive Maxson man and he was getting
married today!

Even when I walked Momma down the aisle he was in total zen-like
control. He turned and stared at her, doing that once over thing he and his
son do. And then he claimed her with a single look right there and then. I
know that look. As far as I was concerned they were married at that very
moment. He looked into her eyes and he transmitted that age old signal that
said "You're mine."  It wasn't until it was my turn to sing that he
faltered. They wanted me to sing a song from Aunt Shonta during the candle
lighting ceremony. So I did.

'Boy, you come on ho-ooome, Come on ho-ooome to me, When they set you free,
Can you come on ho-ooome to me, 'I'll be waiting by the sycamore tree ,
Where you promised to me , You would be,

'I will sing you into my heart, I will sing you into my heart, I will sing
you into my heart, A voice to lead you home, And we be free'

He looked at me singing then he looked at his son who was playing piano
(something Jake was happy to do) and he began to cry quietly. Momma took
his hand and they lit their candles and said prayers while I sang the
beautiful song of my Aunt who I believe is an angel up in Heaven
now. Everything just went so well that day and after all the ups and downs,
the drama's, misunderstandings, broken relationships, tragedies and lost
time Uncle Ryan and my Momma have suffered, I couldn't think of any couple
more deserving.

Their honeymoon was spent back in Kentucky at the Jarrow home place where
Nana and Pop Jarrow were overjoyed at being able to be their hosts. They
were away for nearly two weeks and the kids missed them lots, especially at
bedtime but between Grandmother, Uncle Gary, Jake, Lenore and myself we
kept them pretty happy and upbeat 99.9% of the time. Three weeks after
their return to the Eyrie my Momma announced that she, at 43 years of age
was pregnant!  Well we was all just totally blown away! Unca Ry had a smile
wider than the New River Gorge Bridge and my Mom was a mixture of ecstatic
and a little embarrassed, I can't imagine why. I was like 'Wow! I'm gonna
get a little baby brother or sister who will be half brother or sister to
Jake and me!' It was only then that I thought to check the reaction of my
love. His eyes were glistening and he was beaming with joy and emotion.

They revealed to us all a week later that they were having a girl. her name
will be Shonta-Carolina in honor of Aunt Shonta Jarrow-Maxson and Miss
Carol Garfield. There has been a lot of speculation about what kind of
personality she will have. What characteristics will she inherit from the
Maxsons and from the Jarrows etc, etc. Jake is gonna guard her like she's
made of eggshells I can just tell.  I am just gonna try and be there for
her no matter what. She is going to be a very well loved child and her
parents are gonna be just the best parents ever, in fact.., they already
are.

Uncle Gary will never get used to living up here but he sure has begun
warming to the idea with all the benefits that come with living in such a
place as this. He loves the Japanese Atami Sauna. He has also taken to
seeing a rather pretty nurse who works here and I often see him sneaking
off in the dark to the little staff village down the road where she
lives. Another one who seems to have caught the love bug is Lil Mikey's
Momma Elizabeth. She has been dating that handsome police officer who was
there that awful day when Georgia tried to kill Clarke and Mikey. We get to
see Mikey quite a lot now and I am glad. He is the most original lil kid
ever and very lovable too.

We all went out for our first hunting trip together last weekend. It was
me, Unca Gary, Unca Ry and Jake. I ain't been huntin in so long and it was
great to be well enough to get outdoors with some of my favorite guys in
the whole world. Don't worry, I made sure we only hunted what we was gonna
eat or use in some proper way. Jake thought it was kinda new agey but he
went along with it after I lectured him on how these practices are ancient
and humane.

I pitted myself against Jake and although he was better with the bow, we
were dead even with the rifles. We swapped hunting and ghost stories each
night round the fire. Jake din't like the ghost stories hehe. Uncle Gary
found two arrowheads near a rockfall. He gave one to Lil Shaun and one to
Lil Mikey and now they wanna come out huntin too hehehe. Being away for
four days was just what the doctor ordered. Actually they did not think I
should go but what do they know? I was fine.

Although it was good to get back 'home' to the Eyrie and have a sauna an
all hehehe. Uncle Gary ain't the only one making the most out of living up
top!  Oh yeah! we went skinny dipping and let me tell you that Unca Ry is
even more pretty in the raw than he is clothed. My word I forgot to breathe
a few moments there he was so hot! Jake just smirked at me and laughed
about how silly I am to be ogling his old man like that hehe. But can you
blame me? Besides I ribbed Jake by saying that I saw where baby Jake came
from hehe. He was pretty much speechless the rest of that afternoon.

And by the way I think his son gets his sexy underwear choices from his
father. Me and Unca Gary hit it up for the boxer brigade but not those
two. It was skimpy bikinis for them the two times I saw them changing
hehe. Jake says I'm a sneaky lil spy but I just can't help it with all this
temptation around. Anyway Jakey is an exhibitionist so he can't talk, he's
only getting what he wants! I had to run off into the woods to find a place
to take care of business I was so hot and bothered!

Jake and I were lying in the grass on the edge of the western cliff the
other day. This cliff looks out to the west so you can't see the town from
here. All you see is the forest far below and farmland in the
distance. Jake loves to come here to lie in the long grass, don't ask me
why I just tagged along.  It is beautiful so I guess that's why. I was
afraid there would be ticks but he assured me there were not and he was
right. We had to go through the two security fences to get to this area and
I can now see another very obvious reason why these barriers exist. Only 40
feet past the second perimeter fence and the ground begins to fall away
sharply, in some cases it is an absolutely sheer drop for two to three
hundred feet which totally scares me.

Jake said that before the original fences (the current ones are upgrades)
were built, several people lost their lives over the edges of the cliffs
due to misadventure or deliberate action. The casualness with which Jake
went to the edge of the cliff that day really frightened me and I told him
so. He was right on the edge trying to scare me by pretending to nearly
fall. It wasn't until he saw me crying that he quit it and came back over
to hold me and try and make me feel a little better. I was so angry that I
considered punching him on the nose.

That day I made him promise on his mothers grave never to pull a stunt like
that again, not ever.  He solemnly promised and my heart eased. After that
we lay in the grass about 30 feet from the edge (that's as far as I go) and
we dozed and ate the grapes that we had brought with us.  Then he asked me
a pretty strange question.

"Baby, Felix.., do you, are you, do you like..."

"Jake just say it whatever it is!" I was kinda irate still after his
cliffhanger stunt a lil earlier.

"OK well, Felix do you still feel like you are the same you like since when
we first met?"

"Ummm yes and no? I mean we are always changin you know darlin."

He's got me lying in his arms and he squeezes me tight to him and we kiss.

"Why you ask such a weird question for anyway?"

"It's just that you are a lot how do I say it..."

"Just say it Jake!"

I sit up and scoot to the side so I can look at him. The early Summer
sunlight makes him look beautiful and vital. He takes my hands in his.

"You are so much softer now baby. Kinda less physical. Like when we first
met you were different to now. Arrrrgh I don't know how to explain it!"

"Jake are you sayin I'm fat or somin coz I certainly ain't grrrr...!"

"No baby, no baby! I'm just saying that we don't compete for the same bones
anymore like we used to know what I mean?"

I'm starting to understand now.

"Felix, baby I guess it's like we have proven ourselves to each other now
and nobody has to go around trying to play Mr Big, know what I mean?"

I nod even though I actually think Jake still does feel the need to impose
himself on all and sundry including yours truly. And I think he will always
be this way and I kinda like it.

"Jake are you saying you want me to harden up or somin?"

"Nah I like you just the way you are Felix, I love you."

"I love you too baby." See? - I don't miss the moment when he says he loves
me anymore!

"Good, Felix I just want you to tell me if you feel like I am trying to
dominate our relationship and our friendship too much OK?"  "OK darlin I
will." I tickle his ear with a blade of grass and feed him another fat
purple grape, seedless just how he likes em.  "I guess it's just
psychological baby but you seem frailer and smaller in so many ways to when
I first met you but I know you're not.  I mean I understand how you kinda
lost condition there for awhile when you were still recovering from the
fire but it's not that which I'm talking about."

He waves his hands in the air, not sure if he's made sense or not. I decide
to help him out.

"Jake answer me this question, How tall do you think I am?"

He looks at me with that certain look he gets when he has two answers to
the one question.

"Errrr, your about 6'2, maybe just a little bit taller, maybe."

"You ain't answering the question Jacob."

"OK it's weird but in my mind you are only like little."

"How little?"

"Geeze I dunno, maybe like 5'11 or 5'10 or you know..." He squirms.

"And Jake do you think I could have done more to stop Aimee from hurting me
in the fire last year?"

His eyes get a dead serious look and he snaps out his next few words.

"No Felix I know that she shot you and gave you no chance to disable her
physically. I have no issue with that. I understand that she got both
Clarke and you through trickery otherwise she wouldn't have stood a
chance."

"OK I was jez checkin. Why do you think I ain't butch enough or somin?" I
challenge, trying to puff myself up.

"No haha - it's more to do with me than you. I have kinda made you out to
be more fragile than you really are coz I like the idea of being your
protector I guess."

"Ohhhh you like being my bodyguard do you?" I straddle him and flick my
fingers under his chin making him look up into my eyes.

He just gulps and smiles.

I rip open his short sleeved western plaid shirt, buttons go flying
everywhere. His eyes darken significantly and the effect is startlingly
sexy.

"You think maybe I'm just a tad bit girly huh?"

"Unnnh nooo Felix I swear I don't..."

"Be silent when I'm talking to you!"

I feel the front of his jeans and find he's as hard as a rock. He yelps
when I squeeze just a little too hard. Smirking I slowly undo his belt
before unsnapping his jeans and ripping them down his legs uncaring of what
might get hurt.

"Arrrrgh geeze Felix watch what you're doing man!"

I ignore his admonishment, instead I say.

"Did I say you could talk?

He shakes his head no. His jewel-like eyes look outstanding in the dying
light, wide with lust, excitement and just a little fear.

"No underwear huh? Tell me why you did not wear any underwear after our
swim this afternoon Jacob?"

"Ahem ummm I uh forgot ummm Master Felix."

He tries not to laugh at the honorific he's just given me.

"You forgot you say? I say you are lying and do you know how come I know
you are lying Jacob?"

"No please tell me Master Felix." The love and pleasure in his eyes is
unmistakable.

"Because the real reason behind you wearing no underwear is the fact that
you wanted to act like a little slut didn't you?" I can't help but blush as
I say this but for once he doesn't notice.

He sucks in another breath and his eyes turn to a sparkling even darker hue
of violet. I hold up my finger to stop him responding to my last comment.

"And what happens to naughty lil boys who get found out for being a slut
Jacob?"

"Ummm they uh get punished maybe Master? Hopefully?"

He makes to stroke himself but I swat his hands away from his throbbing
cock.

"Did I say you can touch yourself slut?"

"Nooooo Sir err Master Felix..."

I lightly slap his face and he hisses breathing in through his teeth. His
cock jumps around and lengthens out by yet another inch. I don't think I've
ever seen him so hard.

"Right, kick those jeans off and get yourself over my lap. You need a good
spankin."

"Oh yes please, oh yes I do Master Felix Sir!"

He complies in record time.

I slip out of my own jeans and boxers and he climbs over my lap, presenting
his incredible ass to me. I love how I can feel his cock on my legs and his
ass in my hands. I rub it a few times before the spanking begins.

"This. SPANK! is. SPANK! what. SPANK! I. SPANK! do. SPANK! to. SPANK!
naughty. SPANK! lil.  SPANK! boys. SPANK! like. SPANK! you!!! SPANK!"

He's delirious with pleasure and moans appreciatively with each application
of my hand and I smacked him hard too. I can't believe I'm doing this! Hehe
I don't think he can quite believe it either.

"AHHHH GIVE IT TO ME!"

I display some of the strength he has not seen me exhibiting lately and
flip him over onto his back before getting between his knees. I then
roughly sling his long beautiful legs over my shoulders and expose his
quivering aching hole to the glorious West Virginian twilight sky.

I spit straight onto his pink rosebud three times enjoying the sight of him
flexing it as if trying to lube it up himself. His eyes are a mixture of
lust and astonishment at my aggression. Oh yeah and by the way.., we have
been having full sex now for about two weeks and it is damn good!
Hehehehehehehee! I have been the bottom six times of the nine times we have
done it but tonight I'm gonna even up the scores a little.

I hold my finger up to his face and stick it into his mouth. He sucks it
like the little slut he is portraying to be, his eyes never leaving
mine. And then I remove it and begin sliding it in those teasing lil
circles he loves so much. Round and round I go until I have him howling and
begging for penetration.

I love it. I love tracing my finger around his most intimate place. I love
watching him stroking himself and playing with his nipples while he begs me
to fill him up inside. I slide my pinky deep into his pliable amenable ass
and listen with satisfaction to his scream of ecstasy and delight.

And then I am hovering over him, his knees pushed right back till they are
nearly touching his shoulders and my cock right up against his beautiful
incomparable butt. We both push at the same time and he begins to scream
and scream and scream.

"Yeah baby do it to me he yells!"

"F-ck me dude!"

My eyes reprimand him for cussin but I push harder into him nevertheless. I
begin to jackhammer him like a rabbit and the awesome sensation of being
deep inside my beloved Jake begins to take it's orgasmic toll on me. I feel
my legs go weak with the exertion of pumping and I begin to hope that I
don't get cramps.

He thrashes his head from side to side, pinching and stroking his nipples
with one hand while his left hand is a blur on his supremely erect
penis. And then we are both coming in a torrent of screams, declarations of
love and wordless mumbling. I have never seen him come so much, it's just
everywhere!  We can't help but smile at one another as we survey the
damage. My cock slips out of him as I raise up to let him get his legs down
again. He scoops some of his ejaculate onto his fingers and feeds it to
me. 'Jake shake' he calls it. I then slide up his body until we can kiss
and he hungrily laps up his seed as well. I scoop more of it off his
stomach and abs and he devours that as well.

I feel sleepy, it's been such a warm wonderful day and the night will be
balmy and after what we just done I could just fall asleep right here!

And I would have too except for the fact that somebody else had different
ideas. I found myself with my butt in the air and his tongue deep inside
it, licking the life out of me! I started squealing and hollerin just from
the sheer pleasure of it. Jake loves eating me out as much as he loves
being eaten and I promise you he loooves getting his salad tossed hehe. In
the back of my mind I keep imagining being caught in flagrante delicto with
Jake. A very naughty part of me wouldn't mind the possibility.

Before I know it he's added one then two then three fingers. Someday I will
tell you about our first faltering forays into getting me ready to receive
him and vice versa. Lets just say it involved a dildo and a lot of time,
dedication and the patience of a saint, well maybe 'saint' is not the right
word choice. Jake's word for it is 'Ain't' as in a Saint who 'ain't' –
har de har.

Right now 'Ain't Jacob' has opened me up like a telephone book and he
applies his tongue again for good measure and even more so – good
pleasure. Then he lies down on the ground sits me over him and lets me ease
myself down onto his massive organ. I shout and scream and grimace as this
is the first time without lube. But I do a good job and besides the initial
pain (which gets less and less every time) has fast been replaced with that
incredible feeling of sexual wantonness and wellbeing.

He fills me deep into my gut and then we go at it, his inflamed penis
sending shock waves through my prostate until I can't take it no more. He
reaches down and fists my cock and then it's the Fourth of July and a Felix
fiesta of fireworks begins to light up the evening skies.

I think we fell asleep for a while but I will always remember that night as
some of the most incredible sex I ever had and will ever have. I'm
surprised we never went over side of the cliff!  Eeeek that thought makes
me shiver a little but I gotta tell ya. Sex with Jake can never be
overrated, no matter where it is. It is sensational and I think that we are
gonna be doing a lot more exploring as time goes by. And we gonna have a
lot of time too!

It was after ten by time we finally got back to the manse. I'm glad we
never ran into anyone on our way back to our quarters. One thing I like
about Jake's house is its huge size enables you to ghost around without
being spotted unless you really want to be seen. I have now seen the whole
of the Maxson Estate and like I said so long ago, the key word is
'overkill'. Jessica once told me that they could probably survive World War
III up here. I am inclined to agree strongly with that sentiment.

I don't think about the fire much. It's not that I try to block it out or
anythang but I just know inside myself that to keep picking at that wound
will only reinfect me with the terrible fear and anxiety that is so often
right on the verge of my waking mind. I don't know why but I don't dream
about it.  At least not that I can remember. I recognize a great sense of
having brought much of this upon myself. No matter what everybody tries to
tell me I will always think this.

If only I had listened at the right times instead of ignoring Jake and my
friends then I would not have placed everybody in so much danger. My
thoughts and my feelings were wrong and I have had to swallow a very bitter
pill. The things that Jake, Junior and other people did to rescue me make
me feel very small and very ashamed. It's not that I did not expect such
behavior, anyone who knows Jake could have bet the 'house' that he was
always gonna try something. Do everything he could to get me out of the
situation I had stupidly gotten myself into.

The first time I met Jake, he hit me. Until that moment I had thought at
the time we were destined to be great friends. It was the first time in my
life that my first instincts had proven me wrong. Or so I thought. As it
turns out, here I am living and breathing for the love I share with
Jake. Living and breathing because my lover, Jake nearly lost his own life
saving mine. The reason I don't let myself drift back to that awful time is
not because of the things Miss Aimee did to me but because of the fact that
my actions nearly got other people killed. I think I will always be guilty.

I have learned that my instincts cannot always be right. I trusted two
ladies because my gut told me they were good people even when other
people's instincts were screaming out warnings to them.  I promise you that
I now know better. I know that I will never let there be a next time.
Innocence lost? Yes, but it is also wisdom gained. I read somewhere that
all wisdom comes at a price and great wisdom comes at great price. I hope
you will excuse the pun but I have learned that I don't have to jump into a
fire to know that it burns.

I am a changed person now. I think I am a better person, but my improvement
has come at great cost.  I have always tried to make sure that I never
burden the other people that have to share my life with me. But that night
was the night that I burdened and distressed so many people. Jake, Junior,
Unca Ry, My Momma, that police deputy who nearly got shot, the fire man who
was also nearly shot, Grandmaw Maxson. And all the other loved ones of the
people I just mentioned. It weighs so heavily and if I think about it for
too long it will get on top of me and begin to strangle me like a thin wire
garrote.

The guilt is my own self imposed punishment for not listening to the people
who loved me and still loved me enough to keep warning me even though I
treated them dreadfully. And do you know what else? I will never be able to
think of Miss Carol's funeral day again without also thinking of what
followed it. I guess that is just another consequence of my terrible
mistake. I am the luckiest guy in the world though because nobody blames
me. I am the only one who blames myself. The psychologists that I had to
see talked a lot about how none of this was my fault but to my mind, if I
hadn't have made the bad decisions leading up to the incidents that
followed then I would not be suffering these consequences.

I am sorry for goin on and on but I just needed to be honest bout my
thoughts and feelings. I hope that maybe some day I will be able to forgive
myself but that won't happen till I can stop myself from hearing her gun
fire out the window over and over again. Trying to kill all the people who
were trying to save me from a predicament that through my own foolishness I
had brought upon myself and everybody else. It doesn't matter what anybody
tries to tell me coz that's just the way I feel.

A little voice tells me that it was this kind of obstinacy that got me into
so much trouble in the first place. I don't quite know what to say or think
about that. The surgeons and doctors were true to their word. My burned
limbs are all better and apart from a lil tightness when I flex my foot or
leg in a certain way I am all better. You'd never know I had burns unless I
told you. All my hair has grown back from getting caught on fire and I have
had few problems from the bullet wound I received. Those of us who got shot
are so lucky. I keep thinking bout how come nobody died.

I know how serious and dangerous gunshot wounds can be from hunting so I
have a great deal of respect for the initial and latter damage a bullet can
create inside of you. At lunch today Clarke was bragging bout how Jake,
Unca Ry, me and him are real hot stuff coz we got shot and we never died an
all. But Grandma Maxson quietly put an end to that when she said it was
quite possible that we guys have now used up our nine lives, especially
Clarke and myself. I think that our still being alive has more to do with
the actions of other people than ourselves. One of those people whose
actions saved us is dead.

I love this little town now. I love all the people who live here and I am
so glad that my family and I are welcome here. I am sad that I am soon
gonna leave this place for college so soon after moving here. In just
another month or so Jake and I will be starting the next major chapter of
our lives as we head out into the world to do the college thing together. I
was surprised when Jake told me his choice of colleges because I knew he
was being headhunted by several elite institutions mostly from back East,
one of them being his Dad's alma mater. I had a hard time accepting that he
chose the University of Texas over some of those other places. Now U.T. Is
a world renowned institution please don't get me wrong, it's just that I
had a better chance of getting in there than I had at securing enrollment
at some of the other colleges that wanted Jake's attendance.

I guess I just did not want him to diminish his career prospects on my
account. To my mind, I had already caused enough problems for Jake. He made
it very clear to me that he was not gonna be apart from me, even if I
decided not to go to college he would have stayed by me. So I applied to
U.T. as well as other colleges because I did not want the albatross of Jake
not studying because I was not studying to be hangin round my neck. Well lo
and behold they accepted me - us. I think a lot of that has to do with the
fact that I was paying for my own education.

Jake's own education trust was paying for his college tuition as well but
he could have walked into any college based on his outstanding grades so
having money wasn't any kind of major issue for him.  If not for Aunt
Shonta's money I would not have been able to secure a scholarship to get
into U.T.  because to be honest I did not do so well in my schoolwork
throughout the rest of my final year at Garfield High. So the new Shonta
Jarrow Memorial Trust was already benefiting my family and myself in so
many ways and this was just one of those ways.

Thank you Aunt Shonta. I am determined to work real hard and give it all I
got to be worthy of the money that has been spent on me. Although I do feel
a lot of pressure coz I am gonna be the first Jarrow to ever go to college
so I just cannot afford to fail. Once again I am sorry if I am coming
across as depressed or sad an all. I don't mean to be this way. They told
me that I would have days like this and that it is quite normal. Clarke has
them too. I should count my lucky stars really coz it was Clarke who bore
the worst of those ladies violence. He has decided not to go to college
this Fall.  He just wants to take it easy for a while and besides he still
has a few more minor operations to undergo an all so he don't need any
serious things like college to be goin on in his life right now.

He looks pretty much like his old self now. I would die if you like told
anybody but Clarke is like very sexy having regained the handsome looks he
had before those ladies came along. His smack-talkin gets better and better
every day too so that's a good sign. I have not known him long but despite
that I have noticed that the way he views girls has changed too. He isn't
exactly afraid of them but he does seem to avoid contact with them,
especially alone. It wasn't too long ago he was all over the female of the
species like a rash but now he prefers to spend all of his time with the
guys.

There's this one guy called Randy. I know Randy from Music Appreciation
Club and it's kinda obvious that Randy is more interested in his own kind
not the other kind. Well we had the Starlight Mountain Dance here at the
Eyrie last Winter and Randy asked Jake to dance. Well Jake was real mean to
Randy and said some really boneheaded and hurtful things to him. I made
sure to let Jake know how evil he was to hurt Randy like that!

But the most interesting event of the whole night was watching Clarke go
over to Randy and ask if he wanted to dance with him! I think I saw about a
thousand jaws hit the floor including my own! I was so proud of Clarke at
that moment you would have been too! Going back to Jake, it's not that he
is ashamed of the fact that he has a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend. He
just does not want folks to generalize him. He doesn't want to be called
gay. Being gay is something that I have pretty much come to grips with. I
cannot say that I am totally happy with the idea but it is what I am.

Jake thinks gay means he has to walk funny, dress up like a gal and talk
with a lisp. Now I know some folks who are like that and they are some
really cool people but Jake still can't get his head around that aspect of
our beautiful gay culture yet. Y all know how obstinate Jake can be.

I am Felix and I am gay. But I ain't gonna pressure Jake coz he has to walk
his own road and he reserves the same right as anyone else to explore,
define and come to grips with his sexuality in his own time. But back to
Clarke! Well since that starry night he and Randy have been like a snake
wrapped round an axle! I think it's so pretty watchin them be friends
together. I ain't seen nothin overtly romantic but I hope for Randy's sake
that it all works out coz I can jez tell that Randy is head over heels in
love with the smokin hot Clarke Griersen. Randy is seriously setting
himself up to be devastated by hoping after a straight boy like Clarke but
who am I to judge such things?

My own relationship is a miracle in of itself. I just hope they is ready
because either way it is gonna be really tough going for them regardless.
Every night I give thanks for what I have with Jake. I lie in his arms
wondering how on Earth I came to be lying here.

In just under a year my whole life has changed beyond anything I could have
ever imagined and I think my head is still spinning from the effort of
trying to come to grips with it. I have my ups and downs as you know and
lately I have been really struggling with trying to come to terms with what
happened to me, with what I have gained and with this incredible, glorious
beautiful creature who lies next to me every night when I sleep.

My being is so full of different thoughts and emotions, but I draw so much
comfort from the last thing that is on my lips as I go down to slumber
every night. You see it's like this. Just before I fall asleep..,

I smile.


Goodbye everybody!


I love you.


f~



T H E    E N D


Copyright 2008, 2009 Joe Parker. All Rights Reserved.

If you ever wish to contact me it's..,
jjptex@yahoo.com

The Author humbly thanks you for your readership.
Farewell from Forkridge