Date: Sun, 26 Oct 2008 17:04:43 -0700 (PDT) From: Joe Parker Subject: I think I'm in trouble, Part I Chapter II I THINK I'M IN TROUBLE Part I Chapter III (Felix) When Momma moved with Uncle Gary to look after his kids while he worked in the mines, well.., I had no choice but to join her. I was still in school and still too young to be out on my own in the world. Uncle Gary is Momma's older brother and his wife my Aunt Trish died from cancer last year. There was no way that Momma was gonna let Abby and little Shaun be raised alone so we moved into Uncle Gary's house. My own father is out there somewhere, dodging having to pay maintenance and being a typical Southern loser. And then Uncle Gary suddenly scores the 'Job opportunity of a lifetime' foreman of the huge Maxson No 3 mine at Forkridge WV. The family was kinda shocked because he accepted a job working for those sons of snakes the Maxsons. But I wasn't shocked, I understood it.., he wanted to get away from everything that reminded him of Aunt Trish. After all wasn't that what Ryan Maxson did when Aunt Shonta was taken that terrible Christmas Eve so many years ago? He didn't want anything to do with us sons of Hillbilly's after Aunt Shonta's death. He used his huge personal wealth and his family's influence to gain complete custody of their baby boy who was delivered out of my Aunt's dead body. And he even saw to it that we were denied visiting rights an all. Last time we saw him was at Aunt Shonta's funeral. I wasn't there personally of course. I weren't quite born yet. Don't bother askin bout Aunt Shonta's own money an all, he made sure that her blood family got not one red cent of it, not that we ever asked for it anyway. Now in our family we don't care much bout what degree of a blood relative you are. Your'e either kin or you ain't, and to my mind there was a cousin out there somewhere I ain't never met. And what's more we were heading into Maxson lands, right into their home base and just maybe we might hear something bout our cousin.., we didn't even know his name. So yeah, Uncle Gary uprooted and headed up into the Apalachian mines to work for the Maxsons. And Momma went with him to mind the children and the house while he worked. As for me, well.., can't be too many places worse than Harlan County Kentucky... sorry guys. But I'm not thinking that right now as I lay curled up on the floor. My head is making a funny swishing sound and my eyes are swimming so much I think I just saw Michael Phelps lining up over in the middle lane. I can't believe this, beaten up on my first day at my new school by my own cousin! It had started out so promising. I have always been an outgoing kinda guy and have always found making friends pretty easy. I am smart enough to hold a nice 3.8 GPA. I am athletic enough to always be a starter on the school basketball team. And I don't have no problem hangin with the ladies or the guys. I can be a bit of a wiseguy at times but otherwise I'm pretty happy with my lot. And what a way to meet my cousin! I gotta say -- I have always been the last to start a fight and until today.., I've always been the last hick standing. He did kinda take me by surprise but I still don't think there's much I could have done either way. I'm devastated of course.., The hurt from his 'Head-to-my-face' attack ain't nothin compared to the hurt in my heart. I knew instantly upon meeting him who he was. Sue, who I will always cherish for coming up and making friends with me - well she has been talking about how I gotta meet Jake all day. Well Jake and Clarke and some other dude, but mostly Jake. It's so obvious he is the BMOC around here and still is by all accounts. I don't really know how I managed to pee all over his geraniums but I'm too stunned to try and figure it out right this minute. There are so many weird sensations going through my mind. Too many thoughts for sure. On meeting him my first thought was like "Woah the dude is tall!" - he sure is one big unit. I seen his poppa in the movies an all and he was a big guy too, with dark hair and pretty hot for a guy you know? - well he is like a movie star, or at least he 'was'... And well my next thought was all about his eyes. He is a Jarrow, for all that he is a Maxson, he is a Jarrow as well. The huge swell in my heart at the sight of him was overwhelming. I was full of hope and had visions racing through my mind of me dragging him home and proudly introducing him to the family! Well it's a no-brainer that you know how all that ended. It was a freakin fiasco. So I'm lying here on the floor, three girls fawning and sobbing over me. Well two actually, the third girl - Jessica is extremely upset but isn't saying anything. She's just crouching next to me holding my hand. Her mind seems to be in another place because she keeps looking out the window and up into the hills. The bell is gonna ring any moment now and I don't wanna be asked any difficult questions. It's a miracle nobody else came by and caught all the action. But it all happened so fast. Why does he hate me like that? So quick to become so ornery, I don't get it?!?!?! My eyes well with a new batch of tears as I think back to the look of hate I saw on his face as he regarded me.., as he hit me and made a fool of me. I didn't even do anything to him! I have always trusted in my instincts and the moment I saw him I had an awesome feeling that there was this.., I don't know -- some kind of magic connection between us. It was kinda scary, it made me tingle with fear but it was there. I thought he felt the same thing too. He is the first one to ever cause me to lose faith in my own ability to judge character. The first feelings I got from him were of amazement and of excitement. He had just found out I was a Jarrow and now we could finally do some serious catching up. What poison have the Maxsons been feeding him about us? There are other things too that I felt, things that I am not going anywhere near until I am alone. The girls keep telling me how sorry they are and keep saying how they can't believe he reacted like that an all. I guess they saw his dark side today because they are genuinely stunned. Right now I just wanna make tracks, I need outa here like yesterday! "Please help me up" I whisper, getting onto my hands and knees, Yikes my head throws yet another spin cycle and I feel like I'm gonna be sick. The girls, all three of them now - work together and get me standing. I quickly glance at my watch, having to wait for the blurry vision to ease... I have 5 minutes to get out before these halls fill with the final rush for the day. I gotta get outta here. "Do you have a car Felix? If you don't I can take you wherever you need to go?" Says Jessica, Understanding immediately what my needs are. "Thanks I really appreciate it" Together the four of us move outside like some kind of human blob and just as we reach her car the last bell rings. "Wow nice car" I say. She has a mercedes convertible - looks like the latest model. She must be rich. "Hey Jessica, I don't wanna get your car dirty, I've kinda got a bleeding ear" She quickly scoots around the side of the car and checks out my ear.., "It's bleeding on the lobe but I have some tissues so don't worry about it please?" Sue and Beth make some more "We're so sorry, we'll deal with Clarke and Junior " sounds, but they say nothing bout Jake. They just look meaningfully at Jessica who tosses her hair and says.., "Look I'll call him, and then I'll call you two later tonight okay? Please don't tell anyone about this until wev'e all had a chance to calm down" She looks at me guiltily, I can tell that she's freaked out that I might wanna go to the law or something. But I won't, I don't even want to. I just wanna go home. Go to my room and try and think up a way of not having to go back to school. I settle gingerly into my seat and we both buckle up, she starts the car and I give her directions to where I live at. "Felix I am so sorry, I have never in my life seen Jake act that way towards anybody. I just don't know what got into him..." She begins to falter, "I, I, I, don't know what to say except that I'm very shocked and sorry and please let me help to sort this all out" I can tell she's really hurting coz of the pain in her eyes and the stress in her voice. "How long you two been going out?" I ask. She frowns, giving me a funny look. "That's not the question I thought you'd be asking next but Jake and I have been going steady since freshman year. Like I said before, I have never seen this side of him and it scares me to death" I glance over at her, "Are you afraid he might hit you or somethin?" She half smiles, and let me tell you that even half a smile from this amazing girl is enough to light up half the town. She's like an angel, long straight blonde hair, tall and a beautiful face with pretty blue eyes. "I really like your eyes" she says to me, kinda embarrassed. I'm sorta shocked because I was just thinking about her eyes too. "Thanks" I mumble, looking out the window and blushing. "Jakes the only other person I've ever seen with eyes like that. I know his Mother had purpley blue eyes too but none of the folks round here ever met her. At least not us younger ones. I know that you two are related and I think that's somehow the reason why Jake lost it today. He's never said a word about his Mother and when I am up at his house, I get the feeling that she is kinda of 'Off limits'.., know what I mean?" I just shrug and say.., "I guess they hated Aunt Shonta and still hate our family for some reason only they know. And Jake probably hates her too because he's known nothing else. "This is my house here" I tell her and she pulls into the drive. The house is probably not in her league but it's a darn sight better than where I last lived. "You must live in one of those awesome houses across town" I'm trying to keep it light, trying to give her the impression that I am gonna be ok, trying to distract her. "I have grown up very fortunate" She replies, "But if you want to see awesome, then Jakes house is the place you want to see. It's so over the top it's insane. His Great Great Grandfather saw some huge old hotel in Canada and basically had it rebuilt high up on that mountain you see in front of us" I look above to the mountain, but it's blinded to my sight by the sun overhead.., Jessica shrugs, "Anyway, he made it three times as large. I believe that they could survive World War III up there it's so decked out. "But anyway Felix, are you gonna be ok? Is there anyone here that can take care of you?" I guess my distraction didn't work... "Yeah I'll be ok and thanks so much for helping me out and bringing me home. I really appreciate it Jessica" She turns in her seat and looks at me. Her eyes are so soft and so giving. Cousin Jake don't know how lucky he is, and as afraid as I am of him.., she would be worth dying over haha! "I heard him tell you not to come back to school, but Felix.., I will be here in the morning ok? -- I look forward to seeing you and I won't take no for an answer" She's so perfect... but the threats made by her boyfriend loom large in my battered head and I express this in my next statement.., "Look Jessica I don't want no trouble, I'll just figure something out" "Felix stop!" She's very sure of herself on this one. "You just let me take care of Jake alright? I will not let him hurt you at all and that goes for those two idiot friends of his as well" "Umm gee thanks, your'e like.., my hero an all" I murmur flushing crimson, trying to be sarcastic. She smirks, "Yeah, it's nigh on impossible to deal with Jake in a physical way, but there are always other ways Felix.., and I know them all." Gently she places her delicate hand on top of mine and I go all tingly. "Just trust me" More shakily than I'd like to admit, I get out of the car, give her a wave and say.., "See you tomorrow, So long" "Is 7 AM ok?" She asks smiling warmly. "Yep" I reply and as she drives off I hear her say.., "See you then sweety" Unbelievably, she has made me feel good again. I almost float inside the house and the first thing that greets me is the hallway mirror. One look at my reflection and it all comes rushing back. His image fills my mind to overflowing, and my mood swings full circle again. I met a wonderful girl today and she has just made me feel so good, and she hardly even did anything! Jake doesn't deserve her. But I'm staring into the mirror right now and I am remembering the feeling of having his hands on me, his strong frame grinding against me... So different to when she placed her hand on mine just then, hers was soft and kind.., And his were harsh and demanding. What's wrong with me? I feel so weird.., I'm experiencing all these strange feelings about them that are so wrong. In my secret self I'm attracted to her but she belongs to him. And in an even more secret place, a place I am only just beginning to discover. I am attracted to him also but he belongs to her, he is my own blood and like HELLO, we are both dudes! Yeah I'm getting caught up between the angel in her.., And the devil.., In him. ***************************************** Ryan Maxson I can remember the first time Jake saw his Mother on T.V. He had been at the Griersen boys 6th birthday party and for some reason the T.V. had been switched to TNN. We received a call from Clarke Griersens'mother asking if somebody could come collect a very upset little Jakey. Knowing how I hate to be seen in public, Mother was about to head on down there.., but I went and got him myself. He means that much to me.., he means everything to me. When I got there, he was in the living room and did not even notice I had arrived. He usually has a sixth sense for knowing when I'm nearby. I stood there watching him and tried not to laugh. He had the most intense expression on his face And his beautiful little face was only mere inches from the plasma tv screen on which one of the last concerts his Mother gave before she passed was still playing. This was the closest he had been to her since his birth, and I had to force unbidden tears away. I walked over to him, scooped him up and put his frowning little forehead to mine. "Daddy, who is that lady?" "Who do you think she is bud?" "Well I unno but Clarke says she's my Mommy, and so do Junior and so do Jenny and Sue and Beth and even Jessica....." "Gimme a sec son..," I re-cuddle him to my side and hug his sturdy little body to myself, as much for my own comfort as for his. I walk to the front door of the house, giving Clarke's Mom, Dina Griersen a shaky smile as I pass her. I am grateful that she has led the other children out to the yard. Like most of the people in this town I have known Dina all my life and like most of the kids I grew up with she is fiercely protective of me and my need for privacy. Not just for me but also for Jacob. But you can't stop kids from talking and I knew this talk was gonna have to happen some time, I just wish I had more control over the where and the when of it. If only I had super powers I would have done so.., if only I had super powers my wife, Jake's mother would still be alive. I would still be alive... I live for my son now and truthfully that's about all, but for all that he is and for all that he gives me which is so much joy and wonder..., I am not truly alive. My boy is my heart, but my soul lies buried deep in a cement and steel encased grave yonder in dark earth of distant Kentucky. "Come on son, let's go home and I will tell you about your Mommy" We head on up to the ancestral mountain fastness that is his home and my self imposed prison. **************************************** He is fast asleep now, it's been a rough day for him. I just finished reading him his bedtime story a few minutes ago and then we said prayers. Same story every night... "Where the wild things are" He usually has the same prayer each night too but it changed tonight. He prayed for me, that I might find a lady like his Mommy again. What broke my heart about this was that he fully understands that she's gone. I sigh and turn to look out the window at the distant glistening lights of the town low in the valley beneath us. I told him about how much in love his Mom and I were. How we were a team and how excited we were to learn that we were going to have a little baby son. He learned about his Mother's beautiful feathery voice and her songwriting gifts. He learned how she died. I chuckle to myself, Jake has clearly inherited his mothers singing affinities but he's sure got my volume haha. You can hear him singing for miles... if Heidi lived in these mountains you wouldn't be able to hear her on account of Jakes booming little tenor voice. I turn and look at him sleeping with his hands gripped tight around Mr Wolfy. I lower my gaze to the floor in sadness as I think of the things I have not yet told him. The reason why he does not know his Mothers side. The reason why he has never heard his Mothers beautiful ethereal music nor even seen her picture until today . The reason why his Dad does not go out in public anymore. I lean over and kiss his precious, head, I ruffle his dark and heavy hair.., my hair. I then thank God for small mercies. For the gift of his eyes, closed as they are right now. They are her eyes. I love to gaze into his eyes wonderingly. I love to see the spark of life that was extinguished from my beloved Shonta's eyes. To look into those cerulean orbs everyday gives me just enough strength to fend off that backward slide into depression that stalks my every waking breath and assails my night time dreams. When his mothers eyes look back at me, with the pure shine of innocence and unerring love I feel like I can go on. With one last heavy sigh I leave for my own quarters. But I don't make it, Mother's most trusted assistant, Old Carol (wouldn't dare call her that to her face) is lurking outside the entrance to my quarters. "Good evening Miss Carol" "Evenin' Maser Ryan, how our lil Prince?" "It's been a long day Miss Carol both for him and for me" I hint, trying to escape her attentions... "Well honey at least it's over for him, bless" she responds sagely. "And for me?" I ask hopefully... "Naw darlin, yall's Momma need you now, she wanna talk bout thangs kay?" With a sigh of resignation I acquiesce... "Alright Miss Carol, may I have the honor of accompanying you to her parlour if you please?" I kiss her weathered hand and sketch a florid bow. "Why kind sir!" she exclaims, fluttering her eyelashes and fanning her ancient black skin with her other hand, "I do declare that y'all is a fine bounder and a cad!" I honor her with one of my rare genuine peals of laughter, not the de rigueur sarcastic twist I have perfected in recent years. "Haw haw haw haw!" she cackles with delight. "If'n I were jez 20 years younger I would be all over ya'lls like fat on grits! - Haw haw haw haw!" "How about 60 years younger Miss Carol" I smile wryly.., You see, Miss Carol is 93 years old and is without question the third most powerful person here at Maxson Eyrie Estate, definitely NOT to be trifled with. She grew up with my Grandaddy, half raised my Daddy my brothers and myself and Jacob adores her. We all love her to distraction and the day she goes will be truly the end of an era, make that several era's in the history of the Maxson clan. I hold her hand just like when I was a child and we walk towards the Eastern Wing together. Awaiting us is a concerned Grandmother and Mother who is urging me to open channels to the Jarrows again. Who wants Jake to know that he has another family. I want this too but I just don't know how to make that first vital step. Old Carol glances at me surreptitiously, a knowing look on her face. "Don't you worry none Maser Ryan, when you is ready you will make the right choice" "But will I ever make that decision Miss Carol? -- I'm just so frozen" I groan, The desperation to do what's right is evident in my anguished voice. The ability to execute it however has sadly been missing since 4 years ago when I came to my senses about everything. Miss Carol takes me to her ample bosom and consoles me. "I said don worry now chile, you jez hush now sugar and with the Almighty's help we will prevail. I promise you I will not go on to glory till you make right tween yall's line and the boys kin.., Ms Carol be here to hep' you all-a-way, you'll see" 11 years later the choice would be taken out of my hands. Mother would return to Maxson Eyrie with a very dishevelled and distraught boy in tow. And the decisions I had been putting off for 15 long years would finally be set into action - whether I liked it or not. And oh yes.., Old Carol was now a sprightly 104 years old and not a walking frame in sight. She had kept her promise, and now it was time for me to keep mine. Time to be a man about it. **************************************** Jessica Thomas I have heard it said that we are seperated by time and emotion, space and feelings. Isn't it amazing that sometimes the strongest walls that exist are simple invisible barriers that divide people who reside right next to one another? Sharing the same oxygen, living seperate lives together. ***************************************** Please join me again for the next Chapter~ Contact the author -- joejoeparkertex@yahoo.com