Date: Tue, 13 Feb 2001 05:46:33 -0500 From: Ritch Christopher Subject: just-beyond-that-hill-8 All rights reserved. Copyright held by the author. If you are underage or are offended by Gay fiction, containing graphic sex and explicit language, please exit now. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> "Dear Judd, It was so good to hear from you at long last. I hadn't heard a word from you in over four weeks--no letter, no phone call, and you had me worried shitless. So much bad has happened to your family in the past, I was so afraid you had fallen to some harm and I would never hear from you again. I still can't figure out why you decided to go to Titus, Texas. What's there that's so different about here? I pray to God you haven't found someone to take my place in your life. It took me long enough to find out who and what I was. Then suddenly you leave in the middle of the night without a warning. I didn't know what to think. I don't think I even spoke to Marie for two days after you left. By the way, speaking of Marie, guess who's the daddy of a brand new baby boy? That's right. Marie had a boy. Seven pounds and fourteen ounces. We named it Harold Judd after you and Hal. Marie was fine in the hospital with the baby, but since we got home, she won't hardly have anything to do with it. She won't even nurse it. I have to do all the diaper changing and the feeding and the rocking. Marie just sits in bed and reads magazines all the time like she didn't have a care in the world. She and I don't talk much. I don't think she wants to have sex. It doesn't interest her since the baby was born. Maybe she's afraid of getting pregnant again. That suits me, and kind of solves one problem. On the other hand it stirs up another one. My abstaining for sex makes me miss you more than ever. What I wouldn't give for one night...an entire night...just holding you and proving how much I really do love you. Your mom and dad came from Oak Ridge to see the baby. They stayed in yours and Hal's old room. I told her I had heard from you and you had gone somewhere out west to see about getting into some college. I know things were rough on you. I know you didn't want to share me with your sister. But that's all we could have. Your eyes and Marie's are so much alike. When I had sex with her, I would look into her eyes and see you. Suddenly I was ten times more aroused and she thought it was she, turning me on, when all the while. I was imaging I was seeing you. I guess I should feel guilty for deceiving her that way, but I don't. It just makes my love for you grow just that much stronger. When are you coming home? I can't bear it here without you. We've had so little time together. And I know some how, some way, things will work out for us. It just has to. I want you to write me more about this Ed you are living with. What's going on? And do I have reason to be jealous? If I find out he's putting the make on you, I'll beat his ass all the way to the Rio Grande and give him another reason to remember the Alamo. Did you like him because we both had the same name? I'm getting angry just thinking about him, so I'll close before I get in my car and head for Texas. Write me, real soon. And remember I love you, more than anything in the world. Hope to see you really really soon. Love, Eddie <><><><><><><><><><<><> Sure just reading that note made me homesick. I didn't know how long I would be gone. And I certainly didn't know I would be staying in a place called Titus, Texas for a few weeks. That afternoon with Forrest and Bryan, I sorta hit it off with Ed. He had invited me over to his house to meet his mom and have dinner, She reminded me so much of Momma. She had the usual ten vegetables cooked and a piece of streaked meat, scallions, hot radishes, hot cornbread, and iced tea. Their farm was no more modern than the diner in so far they didn't have a cistern, which meant no indoor commode. There was a big slop jar by the bed for emergencies in the middle of the night. Try balancing yourself on one of those if you're not use to it. I might get on Arthur Godfrey's Talents Scouts with that trick. Since Ed and I had dropped all secret barriers between us at the pond, there was really no reason why I shouldn't share a bed with him. I had made up my mind, that I wasn't going to forget Eddie, back home. I still loved him, but until he found a way for us to be together, whether it meant divorcing Marie and wearing a big red "A" on the bib of his overalls, I decided it was all right to carry on and have plain sex with somebody, as long as I didn't get involved and fall in love or nothing. I had learned that uninvolved sex can be fun and can feel real good, if you don't let your emotions get carried away from you, but so far even though I had had the opportunity, Ed and I had not done anything in bed together. I don't know what made me stay as long as I did. I had been going down and helping Ed at the diner...and we had had a couple of more "fishing" expeditions with Bryan and Forrest. Those times we just cut to the chase and left out all the card playing. But on the third week I was there, I saw the old Chevy limo pull up at Ed's house. I knew this car,,,and I was all too familiar with the message it would bring. Out stepped two naval officers in full uniform, carrying an attache case underarm. They knocked at the door. "Mrs. Williams?" "Yes." "Are you Mrs. Ashley Williams, the mother of seaman first class Charles Richard Williams?" "Well,..yes, I am." "Mrs, Williams it is my unfortunate honor and duty to inform you that your son..." They didn't have to say more. Ed's mother collapsed in the doorway in a dead feint. Ed was working and I ran to the doorway to catch her. Her face was pallid and her brow was covered into tiny beads of cold sweat. She was breathing heavily, gasping with short pants. I laid her on the cold linoleum rug and ran to the couch to prop under her legs and feet. The two naval officers stood there looking helpless, not knowing how serious was the damaged they had just caused. I told them to watch her and fan her, while I went into the kitchen to get some water and a washrag. I told one of them to wet the rag and place it on her forehead, while I called for help. They didn't have indoor plumbing, but they did have a phone. I rang Ed at the diner. No dial. You had to wait on an operator and give her your number..."6017J, please,,,and hurry operator, it's an emergency." "Oh," the operator said, "has something happened to Mrs. Williams?" Everybody knew everybody and their business from the party line. "I'll tell you later, right now I need to speak to Ed real fast." "Diner." "Ed...this is Judd...can you get home as quick as you can and bring a doctor with you?" "What's the matter, Judd." "It's you mom...she fell in the floor and I can't get her to come to. I don't know if it's a heart attack of what...can you just come on home now?" "I'll be there in two shakes of a lamb's tail...and I'll stop by and bring old Dr. Boone with me....Just keep her breathing, Judd, until I get there." It wasn't a heart attack...it turned out to be a stroke. She was paralyzed on her left side and she couldn't speak. Her eyes were open and they would follow you around the room which made us believe she knew who we were and where she was. She just could communicate. Ed was so stricken by his mother's condition, that it was two hours later, before I got around to telling him about the news from the naval officers. "Rick is gone, too?" "I'm afraid so, Ed. Their ship was rammed by some enemy boat and 284 sailors died in the crash." "Did they find his body?" "They said they did." I assured him. "It may take a couple of weeks for them to ship him back. This will give you time to plan a funeral." "Goddamn! Why me? And why did this have to happen to Mom? And Rick? He was my brother and my father all wrapped up into one. I loved him so much. I just don't believe it. I want the Navy to call me up on the phone and say 'There's been a terrible mistake, your brother Rick is alive and well and will be coming home to stay, shortly'." "I know,Ed. I've been through this. I lost my brother, Hal, the same way. He was everything in the world to me. I know exactly how you feel." "And my mom...the nearest hospital is nearly 50 miles away. I don't know if I should put her in the back of the truck and take her there or what." "The doctor said he had done all he could do...just let her rest and watch her for the next day or two. If she gets any worse, then you might wanna think about taking her to the hospital." "Judd, I gotta work...and I need to stay here. I cain't be in two places at the same time." "Just relax, Ed. You've got me. I'm here with you as long as you need me. I can watch your mom and do the chores around the house, or I can work for you some at the diner, whichever you want...OK?" "God, I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't been here. Those fucking navy men shouldn't've just blurted that out and scared the daylights out of her like that, It's a wonder she didn't drop dead on the spot." "She almost did, Ed." "Those sons of bitches..." "Come on Ed, go check on your Mom while I fix some supper..OK?...And then we can talk things out...make some plans...OK?" "OK...Thanks, Judd...and I mean it...thanks." <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> I just couldn't seem to escape sorrow and tragedy, I kept looking up to see if I actually did have a dark cloud hanging over my head. I didn't know how I could help Mrs. Williams. I had had no medical training and had really never cared for a sick person. I couldn't understand the doctor's attitude for just "leaving her there". I assumed he had already given up hope and didn't expect her to recover. Either that or he didn't think she could tolerate a 50 mile ride. I chose not to share my speculation with Ed. He was worried enough. There was a couple of chunks of beef in the ice box and I thought I would boil them and make a beef broth and try to spoon feed her, even though I didn't know if she could swallow or not. Back home, when old Mrs. Mowery had had a stroke, I heard that a person usually has a second one within 38 days...and after that if would be a long term recovery. I didn't think she would last another 38 days...and selfishly I didn't relish the idea of sticking around there for another month or so. I wanted to get back on the road and see places or even return home, for that matter. I fried Ed some sausage and eggs and reheated some leftover biscuits from breakfast. He just sat there staring at his plate in disbelief. I reached across the corner of the table and took his hand in mine. "Come on, Ed, try to eat something." "What am I gonna do, Judd. I mean, what will I do if I lose her?" "You haven't lost her yet." I said. "Do you believe in praying?" "I use to." "But not now?" "Ed, my momma raised me to be a hard-shelled southern Baptist and I use to pray every time I skinned my knee...but then when I lost my brother, Hal, I prayed and my prayers weren't answered. I felt like God had turned his back on me and was gonna punish me for all the sins I had committed." "What kind of sins? I mean, what did you do that was so bad that you thought God wouldn't forgive you?" "I did bad things, Ed, real bad things." "Whadja do?...Murder someone?...Steal something?...Set a house on fire?" "No, nothing like that." "Then, what then?" "Ed, I'm gonna tell you something I've only told one other person. "OK, I can keep a secret." "I was in love with my brother. I mean, really in love...and we use to do things together...bad things..." "Like what?" "We use to have sex together...like a man and a woman...and he loved me like I loved him." "And you think that's why God let him get killed?" "That's the conclusion I've drawn." "You may be right." "How so?" "Me and Rick use to do the same things. We loved each other too. He taught me all about the birds and the bees, 'cept with us, it was more like the bees and the bees." "You had sex with your brother?" "Every night for about a year, until he left for the navy. Do you think that I'm being punished for that...with Rick being killed and Mom having a stroke?" "Probably...I tell you another secret. After Hal was buried, my sister got married to this guy...his name is Eddie, too...and him and me. we became close...real close...like he was taking Hal's place in my life...and before we knew what was happening...we were having sex, too...and we fell in love with each other." "Your sister's husband?" "And he wrote to me the other day and told me that him and Marie, that's my sister's name, had had a baby boy...and named him after Hal and me." "Wow...and that's why you left home?" "Yeah, I was afraid God knew what Eddie and I were doing and one of us would get killed or the baby would be born dead or something." "Does Eddie still love you, I mean, after the baby and all?" "He said he does." "And you still love him?" "I think so...but I see no future for us...what with Marie and the new baby...it would have to wind up in a mess." "Man, no wonder you don't know where your headed..You're running away from God...and he know where you are all the time." "That's about the size of it." "Well do you think God was punishing you or me for doing what we did at the pond...I mean it was my brother this time and my mom...not yours." "I don't know, but everyone I seem to get around is punished." "Aw no, I don't believe that...we ain't done nothin' all that wrong...just a little guy stuff among friends. Hell me and Bryan and Forrest have been foolin' around, way before Rick left...and nothing ever happened." "That's before I entered into the picture." "Shit, man, I don't know what to say...You walk around carrying all that groom and loom on your shoulders...you gotta stop all that negative thinking and enjoy life more." "I wish I could...Let's go see about your mom." "OK." Mrs. Williams was awake. Her eyes followed us into the room. When we got near the bed, she looked at Ed and made some kind of noise in her throat, like she was trying to tell him something. "Whatcha want Mom?" More guttural sounds came from her. "You want something?...You hungry?...Thirsty?...Are you in pain." She didn't respond to any of those questions. "You need to go to the bathroom?" She made a louder sound, "Is that it?...You wanna go to the bathroom...What should I do, Judd." "You got some old sheets?" "Go get me a couple and a pair of scissors and a washbasin with some soap and water...a wash rag...and two big safety pins." He left to retrieve the supplies I had ordered. I lowered the covers and revealed the odor coming from beneath her gown. I slowly raised it and discovered she had gone to the bathroom in her panties. I gently pulled them down, I didn't want to look at her face and embarrass her, I did my duty as if I were an army medic. What was even more strange, I had never seen a vagina up that close. It was a curious looking thing...just a patch of hair leading up in between her legs. I wondered where was the entrance that men found to make babies and get the sexual satisfaction I was always hearing about at the old Shell filling station back home. Looking at her privates even closer as I began to wipe her butt and between her legs. I thought, there's really nothing there that excites me. I know she is old...but she has all the same parts all girls do. Then I felt an opening. This was it. I had found it. Who the hell would want to put their penis in a thing like that? I certainly wouldn't. I'd take a dick with a hard on, any day, before I would want a pussy. Maybe I wasn't so queer after all...maybe all my buddies who liked girls were the queer ones...They would have to be to want what a girl was trying to protect. "Whatcha doing, Judd?" "Your mom has had a little accident and I'm just trying to clean her up. Give me that basin, that soap, and that washrag. You start cutting those sheets into squares about a foot and a half big...and fold them up like diapers...we'll use 'em on your mom." Ed got really busy acting as my nurse's aid. We cleaned and diapered her and it looked like she was smiling at us in approval. I was able to get about a half a cup of broth down her...and her eyes looked like she was tired and wanted some sleep. So we covered her in warm quilts and put pillows on each side of her, so she couldn't roll out of bed...turned out the lights and quietly closed her door, "That was so good of you, Judd." "You'd have done the same for my momma." "I don't know if I would've been strong enough to do all that you did." "We rise to the occasion when we have to...now let's go to bed and I'll come back and check on her every couple of hours. You need some sleep, You have to work tomorrow," We went into Ed's bedroom with the big wooden frame bed with all the inlaid veneer on the headboard. He, too, had a chenille bedspread, but his peacock was yellow and red instead of the usual purple.Those goddamned peacocks were everywhere...Tennessee, Arkansas, and Texas. "If you leave your clothes in a pile, I'll wash 'em for you tomorrow." "Thanks, Judd...you're becoming a regular little housewife." "I wouldn't go that far...but I'm glad I can be of some help." "How would you like to stay on and live with me here...for a while, any ways?" "I can stay for a while, I already told you that." "I mean,,,what about for good?" "I don't know...My mom and dad are both in Tennessee, and I have the farm...and Eddie..." "Yeah, I forgot about Eddie...He's the one you're in love with." "Well,,,yes." "And what about me?" "Whaddya mean?" "What if I were to tell you, that I think I've fallen in love with you?" "I don't know what I would say." "Don'tcha have any feelings for me, at all?" "Of course I do...some..." "But not enough?" "I don't know, Ed. I haven't given it that much thought...I'll have to think about it." "Could I ask you a favor?" "Sure." "Would you hold me in bed? I need someone just to hold me, tonight." Empathizing, I knew that feeling. "Sure I will." We undressed and Ed left his shorts on until after he had reached up and turned the switch on that single bulb socket on the twisted silk electric wire hanging from the ceiling. He slid out of his underwear and joined me in bed. Ed was more nervous than he had let on. His body was actually quivering. I felt the need to comfort him, as Ed had comforted me in my time of grief. Facing each other, our bodies merged together, touching from chest to toes. There was nothing sexual or sensual about the embrace. It was solace he was seeking and it was understanding I was offering. He pulled my body tighter into his to halt his shimmering. This caused our lips to touch without even trying. I had never kissed Ed. Never even had the desire to. I would admit he was good looking, well muscled from farm work, floppy blonde hair and green eyes, but I had never really looked at him in that light, As I lips met, I wondered if he had kissed Rick this way...and had there been others...or what if I were the first person he had ever kissed? There was no noticeable intrusion of a tongue trying to reach mine. I hesitated in offering mine to make the gesture complete. I decided to wait to see if this is what he wanted.,,but then he began to press my lips harder. The kiss was becoming more than it was at the start. I was sensing a yearning...a passion. I opened my mouth slightly to inhale and he took this as an invitation to enter and explore...yet it still had a certain amount of innocence in it. I continued not to respond...but when one begins this kind of foreplay, the inevitable happens...the burning in the loins. Our penises were rising rapidly together at the same speed and at the same time. We had no control over these involuntary movements. He began to grind his crotch into mine as he was turning me over on my back. He was on top of me. His lips moved to my cheeks and he licked down my neck and found my shoulder in a deliberate motion. He knew where this was leading. He knew what he wanted and I knew what he needed, I relaxed and became willing to give myself, all or part of me, to him. He raised my arm as he buried his face into my armpit while leaving a residue of warm saliva. He pushed his body up with his arms to attack my nipples. I couldn't stop him or nipples from standing erect. He moved from one to the other before making a detour to explore my navel and abdomen. He was hungry with lust now...He wanted me...all I of me...and showing him no refusal, he assumed I had granted him permission to do as he wanted. His nostrils were hot and steamy as they found my pubes. He was only inches away from earning the prize he was seeking. He let out a sigh as he took my whole cock in his mouth with his chin touching my scrotum. He thrust his head up and down..first slowly but with an increased tempo as he gathered up his courage. I still didn't resist and he knew he could have me...all of me...I was giving myself to him. He stopped long enough to take my ball sac into his hungry cave as his tongue flicked each of them. He put his arms under my legs to raise them as he tried to reach the private area underneath my balls, where Eddie so often liked to explore. Once he had reached that destination, his journey continued to my anal opening. I flinched as his tongue probed and tried to enter. Having succeeded in prying me open he began to tongue fuck me. I could feel the first few inches of my rectum being soused with spit, He replaced his tongue with his forefinger and it began to jostle around inside me, striking my prostate and sending chills up my spine, This was such an erotic and tingling sensation, but I knew I would stop him if he tried to substitute his finger with his cock. I had my limit on how far I would go...and that was it. But he didn't try, He just kept wriggling his finger inside me while his mouth returned to my cock. I was too far gone to want or even attempt to stop him. He had swallowed my cum down by the creek, so this was nothing new I hadn't done with him before, "Ed, I'm ready, if you don't want a mouth full." "I want it, baby," This was a new and unusual term of endearment coming from him..."baby". "All right, if you want it...here it comes." He plowed his mouth over my organ enveloping every inch and swallowing every drop I had to give. He had done this to me before, but not with the same intensity as this. This was something else. Last time was for fun. This time was for real. He was making love to my manhood. Finally when I felt myself shrinking and becoming flaccid. He let go of me and returned to the pillow to face me once again. He kissed me. This time I met him with an open mouth so that he could share the droplets of pleasure he had mined from my shaft. He pulled back to say, "Judd, I love you so much." "Do you?" "Yeah, I have wanted to do that since you started staying with me." "I have wanted it too." "I don't know why we waited so long." "Maybe I was scared." "Of what?" "Where this might lead." "You mean there's a chance this might lead somewhere between you and me?" "Ed I was afraid you might think that...and I didn't want to lead you on...building up false hopes." "Judd, don't you even love me a little," "Of course." "Just not a lot?" "Just...not...a...lot." "It's Eddie back home, ain't it?" "Yes,,,I guess so." "God how I envy him...I could almost hate him." "Don't do that." "Judd, be reasonable...where's your and Eddie's relationship gonna lead? He won't leave your sister, now that they've had a baby,,,and you've proved to yourself you can't stand being around them together. You just torture yourself." "...I know." "If you wanted to...you could stay here with me...and if somethin' were to happen to mom, I would give you half this farm...My dad always hinted there was oil on those far acres out there...and we...you and me...could buy some equipment....and drill for that oil...and who knows...we might even become millionaires...We could do all that...if'n you just stay with me...I mean,,,I know you wouldn't love me at first...the way I love you...but you might learn to...and Judd, we could be happy together...I would make you happy," "It sounds like a dream, Ed." "Hell yeah, it;s a dream...but a man who ain't got no dream, ain't alive...he's just dead and too dumb to lay down." "What about my dreams, Ed. I'm not dead...I have dreams too." "And I bet your dreams don't include me..." "They might...under other circumstances..." "All right, I'll make you a deal...I'll share you...You write Ed...or call him...and tell him to leave your sister and come out to Texas and live with you and me...I'll take a part if I cain't have all of you." "I'm not so sure that Eddie back home would be that generous, I don't know if he would share me with you." "Well he don't mind you sharing him with your sister," "I hadn't thought about that." "Well think about it...it's true, ain't it?" "Ed, you're confusing the issue...I can't make a decision like that on the spur of the moment." "I won't ask you to...just stay here with Mom and me and decide later...in a week or two...until Mom gets better." "You make a mighty tempting offer, Mr, Williams. but I don't think it's possible or practical. First of all I don't think Eddie would leave Marie...and even if he did and came out here to live with you and me, you wouldn't stand around and watch us being in love with each other...It wouldn't be fair to you." "I would be here every time he don't want you," "If I didn't know you were so serious I would laugh." "I love you, Judd...will you think about that? And I ain't got no sister for you to share me with. I don't have a brother neither, any more...Judd I know it's asking a lot but would you help me make funeral arrangements for Rick...Mom would have done it if she..." "I know...yes, I will help you." "I just need you so much right now...and the more I need you, the more I want you and having just had you...I love you, more than ever." "Let me think this through,,,and in the meantime, cowboy, you need to get some sleep...you're gonna be tired at the diner tomorrow. I'll go check on you mom....OK?" "OK...and Judd?" "Yeah?" "I really do love you...I mean really, really..." "I know...you told me." "I was afraid you didn't believe me." "I do believe you...now go to sleep...why don't you jerk off first? It will help you relax...OK?" "I'd rather wait 'till you get back." "If I'm not back in five minutes...start without me." "That's what the whore said in that old joke." "And that's what I said, too," I closed the door and crept down the hall to Mrs. Williams room. I couldn't find the socket hanging from her ceiling to turn on the only light in the room. I reached and reached without success, even bumping into her bed a couple of times. Finally, I succeeded in finding it and clicked it on. I went over to her bed...she must have been in a sound sleep because I couldn't even hear her breathing, I neared the bed and stroked the hair across her forehead, Her forehead was cold and clammy.The droplets of sweat that were there when I left, were gone now. I looked closer to her chest and it wasn't moving. I shook her slightly and called her name. She still didn't nudge. I saw her purse by the bed and reached down and looked to see if she had a compact of powder. I didn't see one, but I did see a small mirror with a black swan painted on the back of its metal covering. I fearfully reached for the mirror and placed the glass on her lips. I waited about fifteen seconds and pulled away and looked at it, There was no breath moisture.,,Mrs, Williams was dead...and I would have to go back and tell Ed that he was now alone. I wanted to run out the door and head for my truck, With his mom gone, Ed would want me to stay now, more than ever, and I couldn't face refusing him. I was letting all kinds of outside factors control my life...and I wanted to keep running. How far did I have to go? All the way around the world before I reached home again? Or since the road leads both ways...would I just turn around and head back the way I had come from...back to Tennessee?