Date: Wed, 9 Sep 2009 11:28:51 -0400 From: Awriter Awriter Subject: Love me for me part 10 "Love Me for Me" Part 10 Comments welcome at: awriter1228@gmail.com I just lay there thinking about what was happening at this very moment, I was lying in my bed with my father's arm wrapped around me, it was a fantasy come true. This was always one thing I wanted, just to lay in bed with him wrapped in his arms feeling warm and loved and safe. And I had that right now, and never wanted it to end -- ever. As I lay there listening to his heart beat, feeling him breath in and out, I don't think I had felt any more peaceful and I happy in my entire life, at that point I didn't care whether I peed in the bed or not, I was not going to move from this position unless I had to. Unfortunately after that thought was completed, it ended he let go of me and rolled over the other way, but still asleep, I ever so gently crawled out of bed and ran to the bathroom peed, and then ran back into the bedroom and once again just stood and looked at the most beautiful creature laying in my bed, and for a split second thought wow, if this could only be an everyday occurrence, that this could be the way that I lived the rest of my life. Every night going to bed, with him next to me and waking up the following morning with his arms wrapped around me just as I had today. But for the moment I would take anything I could get and I just ever so gently crawled back into bed next to him, for a while I contemplated which way I should lay, facing away from him so our backs were to each other or spoon up next to him and take my chances. Although that was really an easy answer I knew that I would probably never get another opportunity like this so I lay down spooning him and gently placed my right arm around his waist, and closed my eyes again with a smile on my face. However, before I could even have a minute of bliss like that, he turned over again, so that he was now face to face with me. I was actually scared to open my eyes because I didn't know what I would be looking at-closed eyes, a face of anger, happiness , confusion, I had no idea. But decided didn't really matter had to open my eyes at some point so I did, and I was greeted with open eyes and a smile. "So you finally decided to come back home," he said. And I just looked at him and said "Yea, well I had nowhere else to go, and I was curious as to whether or not you might have trashed the place after I left." He just chuckled and said, "Well as you can see I did nothing of the sort. But Joey, I want you to listen to me, and just let me say what I want to and then I guess we can go from there." And I just slowly nodded my head OK, I was kind of afraid of what he was going to say but I did my best to keep a clear mind and let him go on. "Joe, I spent a lot of years wrestling with myself on a lot of issues and problems and never came to any conclusions on them at all. All I said to you before was /is true, I did all of those things, felt all of those things and went through all of the consequences of them. And for real, I do not pride myself in any of them, I feel that most of those decisions that I made were wrong, and I hurt a lot of people in the process, all who should have NEVER been involved in any of it, and had I have been smart I would have left the family long before any of it got out of hand -- in reference to my sleeping around with other men, and neglecting my responsibilities as a parent. And me saying to you that, I want to leave and not bring you down, is not because I don't love you -- quite the opposite really, I do love you very much, more than you could ever imagine. My fear is that I will hurt your image, and ruin what you have been able to do without me. I have been working so hard over the past years to change myself and become the better person, but I never want to take the chance of ruining it all by me being stupid about something, I love you too much to do that. And you shouldn't have to deal with that either. I don't want you to have to deal with it, if it happens. I'm trying to do the right thing here and protect you like I should have when you were younger. But do believe me when I say that I do love you in every way possible, I just don't want to hurt you in any way shape or form. I just couldn't live with myself if that happened." I just looked at him with tears in my eyes, but a big smile on my face, and I'm sure that one confused him a little but I was going to clear that one up right away. "Dad, if you love me in every way and more than I could imagine, then you will understand the fact that I love you back the same way, and I don't care about anything that happened in the past. It already happened and it's not going to happen again. You said you couldn't live with yourself if you ever hurt me, well guess what? If that's the case then you won't be by yourself anymore because you aren't going to be leaving me. I told you straight out, all I ever wanted was to have you with me, I don't care how I have you, I don't care where I have you, all that matters is that I have you. As long as you stick with me then we are good to go and nothing can ever, ever change that. So tell me now, are you sticking with me or going off?" He just looked at me with this little almost devilish smile on his face and then without warning leaned over and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tight up against his chest, where I could again feel and hear his heart beating inside him, although noticing that it was beating a bit harder and quicker than before. I felt him kiss me on the top and my head and whisper into my ear, "Joey I love you so much and I really do not deserve to have a son like you, but I am so happy that I do." And all I did was mumble "I love you too Dad, and thanks for being you." I figured that was about where our relationship was going to stand at, which I was fine with, I was more than happy about the fact that I finally had him, maybe just as father and son, but I got what I asked for -- just to have him with me, and I was going to take anything I could get. As he loosened his arms from around me and lay back a bit so that we were looking at each other, directly into each of our eyes, I looked into him, into his soul, and I did see love, I knew it was there, but I saw it now, I really felt that he was finally letting loose and letting go of his inhibitions, whatever they were -- he was letting go. I just didn't realize how much of those he was letting go of. As I was still in my little bubble of joy, I didn't hear him talking to me, but as soon as I felt his hand touch my face, that snapped me out of it and I was looking back at him not in him, and he said to me, "Joey remember that bridge you were talking about last night?" Now I was getting nervous because I had no idea where this was headed, last time it started in one direction and ended in the exact opposite, but I nodded my head yes, and he continued, "Well I think it's time that we cross it. If we really are going to stick together, then I want to be as closely stuck to you as possible. So, with that said, get over here and kiss me." And he just grabbed me and pulled me into him and instead of just kissing me, he grabbed each side of my face and pressed his lips so hard against mine, and pushed his tongue into me and down my throat. It was something I had never in my life ever felt before. (Yes, that's correct even at 21, I had never kissed anyone, I said all along that my heart and body belonged to one man only). His tongue and mouth and breath was so powerful that I almost didn't even know what to do but just lay there and try and make an attempt to pretend to know what I was doing. It was at that moment that he pulled off of me and looked into my eyes with a questioning look and said, "Are you ok? You seem so tentative and nervous" I just looked back at him and then down, and said "Yea, I'm ok, but you aren't exactly dealing with a pro here, more of a freshman." And he looked at me in the strangest way, and then said, "You mean to tell me that you haven't been with anyone? Never kissed anyone or anything?" and I just nodded yes, and he again asked a dumb question. "But why?? You are a beautiful man anyone would jump for you in a heartbeat." And I again looked at him again, and said, "Dad, I told you before, my heart belongs to one man only, and that's you. And if I wasn't going to be with you -- then I wasn't going to be with anyone, simple as that." And he just stared at me and said, "God I love you and don't deserve you in any which way. But I promise I will never ever leave you again. I will protect and love you as much as I can for the rest of my life." Now that statement just caused me to burst into tears, I couldn't believe that I finally heard what I wanted to hear, and this time I knew it was real and not just because it was what I wanted to hear it. It was real, and I knew that it was, and at that point there was not one other thing in the world that mattered, I could have died a very happy man at that very moment. As I lay there crying, he started kissing and licking the tears off my face while gently stroking the side of my face and whispering into my ear that he loved me. And I just pushed him back and said to him, "I love you too, so much and it makes me so happy to know that I get to spend the rest of my life with you. But for now I do have one selfish request." He looked at me and said, "Anything, what is it?" "Make love to me?" All he did was smile and then leaned in and started kissing and licking and showing me things, and making me feel sensations that I never knew existed. He touched and felt and loved me in every way I could imagine and even not imagine. Every time he went somewhere different it was back up for a kiss and then for more. From the beginning to the climax, it truly was far past any of what I dreamed or thought that it could be. After that day and really into night, I realized that I could be happy, that it is possible to achieve dreams and wants and desires. There were points in my life at which I continued to realize that I had to consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth and wouldn't change anything -- not from the 10 years of being `alone' to the past 15 wonderful years of being together. I am a great believer of the saying that `whatever is supposed to happen, will happen'. It is not something you can control or convince or twist and turn, in the end the result will be the same no matter how it is that you get to it. Author's note: I want to thank each and every one of you for reading this. And I would like to hope that you enjoyed it. To all of you who were looking for a steamy sex scene, I do apologize for not including one, but all I can say is sometimes it's more about the deep emotional love than it is the physical act of it.