Date: Fri, 03 Jan 2003 11:51:47 -0600 From: Matthew Wellesley Subject: My Brother Loves Me - Chapter 4 MY BROTHER LOVES ME A story by Matt Wellesley Chapter Four WARNING: This story is offensive to some people. If you don't like hearing or reading about gay love, sex, or incest-- or if it's not legal for you to read sexually explicit material--don't read this story. The story is based on fact. _________ I'll ANSWER all email. I hope you write to me. MattWxyz@hotmail.com _________ Chapter Four - New Discoveries I was relaxed, but I still heard my heart beating hard. "I feel special, Damon--the way you--" "You ARE special, Matt," Damon said, lifting himself up. He just stared, smiling at me. It was one of those dreamy moments. When Damon put his head back down on me, it felt good to have him breathing on my neck, again. He kept me warm. My hands rubbed Damon wherever I could reach, and he did the same to me. It had to be pretty late, by then, and I thought we might fall asleep, that way. In my mind, it was a nice picture, but I guess we had a lot to talk about. I know I did, and I wanted to lay there like that, forever. Damon slid his tongue all over my neck, and started licking my ear. He was so gentle--and somehow, he didn't have all his weight on me. I shuddered. While Damon licked and explored me with his mouth, my mind drifted away for a minute. I thought back to life at home--the farm, dad, church--lots of stuff. I wondered if it would feel weird, going back to all that after spending a week at this camp and whatever time Damon and I had together to explore each other. I'd even forgotten where I was. A warm, wet thing in my ear brought me back to the present. "You taste good all over, little bro," he said, as he got more forceful with his tongue in my ear. "Ahh! Ooo! No, Damon--that tickles!" "Sorry, Matt--my fault. Hmmm, how can I make it up to you? Oh, I know." He scooted down and slid his lips over my dick. I had a nice boner, and it was feeling nicer, now. He didn't stay that way for long, but it was fun while it lasted. Soon, he was back up at my neck, licking slowly and doing little kisses. Then he sunk his teeth gently into my shoulder and nibbled on it. This was heaven. "Mmmmmmm!" "Mmmm, is right." His voice seemed deeper, now. We just relaxed. I listened to his breathing, noticed every inch of him that was touching me. I pictured his body. I thought about how Damon looked in the cabin, just before we went swimming. "Damon? Why were you so red, back at the guest cabin?" "I was nervous," he said, licking my shoulder. "You? Nervous? No way." Damon didn't have anything to be nervous about. Besides, I didn't think getting nervous made you get red--but, I knew Damon wouldn't lie to me, not about something important. "I was." "Are you nervous now?" "No. But I was, then." Damon sat up. "Wh--" "I told you I've been wanting to do this for a year, Matt. But I didn't plan on doing it TODAY--not until I saw you naked, in the guest cabin. Then, I knew it was time. You'd started your growth spurt, and it caught me by surprise. Your dick looked huge, and I knew you weren't hard." "Huge? You're huge, Damon, not--" "Ok--a lot bigger, Matt." "Ok." "I decided you were ready...that it was the right time to......to..." "To have sex with me?" "Yes---No, it wasn't just that! It was...." Damon threw himself into me, and hugged. He seemed tense, but his hands rubbed my back so gently. I felt all warm inside, even though I knew this was hard for him. Maybe not hard, but whatever it was, it wasn't coming out easy. I felt ok that Damon sounded a little unsure--like it was all right for him to be that way now. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, Damon." "God, Matt. I love you so much. There's nothing I don't want to tell you. It's just that--" "It's ok. You know I love you---you told me that. Damon, hearing you say that means more to me than anything else in the world." "Wow, Matt--you sure know how to surprise a guy, in more ways than one." That made me smile. I always liked surprising him. Now, I'd surprised him without even trying. "How did I surprise you?" "Well...what you just said. Plus, you did get taller. I guess I...just hadn't noticed. You didn't get taller overnight, I don't think." "Right." I didn't even know I was taller. "But your dick--I swear that got bigger overnight, 'cause I...." He stopped in mid-sentence, like someone turned off the stereo. "You what, Damon?" "Shit." "Damon!" "Sorry, Matt. I knew it was bigger because I notice your dick all the time." I could tell, that was the hard part for him to say. Damon pulled back a little and looked at me. It was like my big brother was feeling what I felt a lot-- wanting to be accepted. But he had to know that I not only accepted him, but admired everything about him. Everybody liked Damon. I blushed. Here was my big brother, basically saying he liked looking at me. I felt the heat rise up from my gut and spread to all parts of my body. My face was burning. But I loved this moment. "Yours is still way bigger, Damon." At the time, I thought Damon had the biggest penis in the world. Much later, I'd realize that he was sixteen and still growing, himself. It's just that mine was so small, next to his, and I thought I would never catch up--being two years younger. "Matt, that's not it. I'm not in love with my dick. I'm in love with yours. Crap! That's not it, either." Damon looked down, and then I couldn't see his eyes anymore. "Ok." I was grinning so hard, it hurt. I had so many feelings inside me, I couldn't talk, just then. "I love you, Matt, not just your dick...." "Ok." I giggled. "Oh, man, this is coming out all wrong, Matt. It wasn't the fact that it was bigger--but in the cabin, when I saw it, I knew you were growing up. My little brother, starting to become a man. I was stunned. But I wanted growing up to be a good thing for you--easier than it was for me. And everything that.... You just mean a lot to me, Matt. I want to tell you things, and I don't know if I--" "You just made me so happy, Damon. You don't have to say anything." "Matt--besides that, I was selfish. I wanted you. I wanted to have sex with you. And I wanted the good feeling of making you feel good---and get myself off, too. I stared at your body when you weren't looking. For a while, I felt like a...like a...I don't know what. And I was afraid that--" "I know. You told me," I said softly, "You thought maybe I wouldn't like sex, but I do. You aren't selfish, you make me feel good. But you know I'd do anything with--" "I know. I know, Matt," Damon said, looking up at me again. "I know it better, now." "Damon, you made ME horny, too. I just had no idea what that was, exactly--till tonight. Now I can look back, and the way I feel about you, I--" His face changed so fast, I forgot what I was going to say. I could see Damon relax and smile. His whole attitude seemed to brighten up. I guessed that was it--he just needed to know everything was ok, that I really did have the same feelings. I felt relieved and more relaxed, too. We looked at each other for a long time. What passed between us, right then, through our eyes, was more than we could say with words. I didn't totally understand his words, but I understood what I was seeing through his eyes. "I love you inside, Matt." "Yeah, that's what I was trying to say." Damon got a little shaky, again, but I had a feeling the hard part was over--the air was clear. "It's great to know you feel the same way--you know, about different things. Matt, you don't know what you just did for--" "I know." "You're beautiful, Matt." "I hope I'm tall and cute, some day, like you." "Stop!" "Damon, I didn't know getting nervous would make you red--you know, in the cabin, before we went swimming." "Matt, it was more the shock--of seeing that you were starting to grow up, already. I guess I wasn't ready for it." "But--you said you had it planned," I said, suddenly confused, "that you were all set to have sex with me." "But not this soon. I had to do a new plan, on the spot. My mind was going a mile a minute, trying to figure out--starting right then in the cabin--how I was going to do it--what I would say. I thought about it a lot, laying out on the beach and when we swam. Besides, I'd always pictured sex happening in our room at home--I had all my moves planned around that--not out here in the woods in a sleeping bag. I wanted it to be right." "It was right, Damon." "It was perfect--but YOU made it that way, Matt--because you were ready, and wanted it, too. And you were so.... If it had been just me, wanting this--" "But it wasn't. What you did was good for me--and even better, it was something you wanted, and it was good for you, too. You knew how to do it." "All I knew how to do was jerk off. All guys know that much." "I didn't." "I'm glad you didn't. That made it more special to me." "It did?" "Sure it did. I feel so good that you learned it from me, and that I was there for your first time. I wanted that. I was hoping you still didn't know, but there was always the chance you already knew about it--that maybe you were doing it on your own, by now. But--" "Damon, I'm glad I didn't know----that I didn't listen to those guys talk about sex, when you told me not to listen to them." I meant what I said with all my heart, but my head was spinning with so many ideas, it was like someone else had said those words. "I love when you teach me stuff, Damon." "Yeah, but...you don't always listen, bonehead." "Well--I'm listening now," I said. Damon looked cute, with his silly grin. I put my head on his stomach, and just smiled. He propped his head up. "Crap. I got my little brother's full attention and I'm out of things to say." "No way!" Damon always had a lot of things to say-- surpassed only by his little brother. My head felt warm on his stomach. I liked seeing his face from this angle. "I didn't fool you, that time, huh?" "Nope. If you quit talking, I'd think you were dead." I laughed. I was shocked he didn't tell me I had a bigger mouth than he did. I guess he wasn't in an arguing mood. I inched up his body, put my face near his, and bent my knee--so my foot could slide up and touch Damon's dick. My toes brushed his balls, on the way up. "Ooo," he said. My thought, exactly. "I'm horny, and my big brother has a boner," I said, teasing. "I'll bet my balls my baby brother has one, too." "That's not fair! It's sticking into you--you already know." It was poking his ribs. "Yeah, Matt--I can tell, only because you grew a bigger one, overnight. Who knows how fast you'll grow, from now on. I don't know if I could handle it if you get bigger than me." I had a feeling he'd handle it fine, but, except for my mouth, I didn't think any part of me would ever be bigger than Damon's--hands, feet, dick, or whatever. "If mine gets bigger, I'll give you breakfast in bed for the rest of my life." I don't know why, but that struck Damon as really funny, and he went straight into giggle mode-- something I'd missed lately--and it was music to my ears. "Ok, Matt--so you're horny--" "And you're not?" I said, laughing with him. "Not really, bro," Damon said, snapping back to semi- normal. "You satisfied the crap out of me. Anyway--so you're horny, Matt, now what?" Damon gave me a coy, shy look. He still had some leftover giggles, and he didn't try to hide them. I decided to play along, and add a few touches of my own to this game. "I don't know, Damie," I hadn't called him that since I was nine, "I'm horny and I don't know what to do," I said in a baby, whining voice. I was afraid I was playing it up, too much--that he was too old for this--that what I just did might make him mad--but Damon ate it up. "Oh. I think little Matty should stand up, pull down his pajamas, and call for his big brother to come help him." I was bubbling, inside, like a little kid--so happy that now, Damon was playing along with ME! So, I stood up, keeping my eyes on his, and went through the motions of pulling pajama bottoms down, even though neither of us had anything on. "What do I do now, Damie?" I felt like sucking my thumb. I almost did. "Tell your big brother you're horny, and tell him to get on his knees and suck his baby brother." "Damie, I'm so horny. Will you get on your knees and suck my boner?" He did, right away. Even though the word was knew to me, I knew what I was feeling was horny. The sudden heat on my dick made my legs weak. Then I noticed Damon was acting weird, sucking me. That was when we both burst out laughing. The sudden air pressure of Damon's laugh made my dick go flying out of his mouth--and the rest of me with it. I landed on my ass, bent forward. We collapsed on each other, like two little boys out of control-- which, deep down, we were. Somehow, I ended up on top of him. As we settled down, I thought this was my chance to ask THE one question Damon never answers. "Damon? Why don't you watch TV at home?" This had been an issue for a long time. Damon sat up so fast, he practically knocked me over. I sat up, too. He turned, spun around on his butt, and looked at me. At first, I thought I'd made him mad. Right away, he started to get all red--a slow, deep blush that took over his whole body. I'd never seen him get this red. He just stared at me. His face changed expressions so many times, I wasn't sure what he was thinking, but I knew he was going through a lot, sitting there. For a while, he looked a million miles away. Then his eyes cleared, and I knew he was back with me. Just before he spoke, his face twisted up, like he was going to cry, but he didn't. "Mom was getting ready to undress you to give you a bath. You were five years old. The phone rang--it was Uncle Mike saying Aunt Darlene was in the hospital. Dad would be home from work in ten minutes, and mom took a chance--she left to go to the hospital, after lecturing me that I shouldn't try to give you a bath without her there, and not to let you out of my sight. I thought that was easy enough. She hadn't undressed you, yet, so you still had clothes on. "While we were alone, I turned on the TV. It was time for one of my favorite shows. We watched it together, but at some point, you wandered off. I was totally wrapped up in whatever the show was. I just assumed you were there, watching TV with me. "Later, I went to pee. I found you--face down, naked in the bathtub, coughing--in the water mom had ready for your bath. I think my heart stopped. I pulled you out, and tried to squeeze water out of you. I thought you were drowning." "But, I wasn't, right?" "No, but you would've. If I hadn't needed to pee, you might be dead, now, Matt." "God!" I felt sick to my stomach. "When I pulled you out, you'd stopped coughing, and you weren't moving." "Oh, God," I said, covering my mouth. "I took your hand and held it--held it and squeezed it-- and prayed you were all right. I think holding and squeezing your hand helped you snap out of it, I don't know. "You suddenly looked up and saw me, then you smiled and squeezed back on my hand. I'd been dying in a panic trying to find life in you and squeeze your tummy to make water come out of you. I never did get any water out, but there you were-- laughing, thinking this was a game we were playing. To me it was a miracle. My tears kept coming--I kept wiping them so you wouldn't see. I was never so happy in my life, when you looked at me and squeezed my hand." "Did you tell dad?" "No. I never told anyone. I dressed you back up, and we played until dad got home. He was late. I was ashamed of myself--of what happened--of what I almost let happen. It scared the daylights outta me. At first, I thought I would punish myself by missing all my favorite shows. Later on, I swore I'd never watch TV again." "So that's it. Oh, God, Damon. You gave up TV, for me? Damon, you don't have to do that. I don't think it's fair. That's--" "I do it for me--but I do it because of you, Matt. Maybe now--" "So that's why you always went to the bathroom whenever I did?" "No, we always did that. But for about a year, that was the reason--after you almost drowned. I still think about it. Yeah, I followed you around to make sure you were ok, but in the end, it made us closer--made me love you more. And I stick with you now because I want to. You're everything to me, Matt." Everything to him! I was floating on air. But I cringed, too--and he'd kept this secret for so long. Damon fell into me with his head on my chest. I'd seen him cry before, but not like this. I felt bad for him. My head was swirling. All I could do was run my fingers through his hair and rub his head. It was weird, feeling his strong chest heaving against me. I felt more loved than ever, knowing that Damon worried about me, back then--enough to cry about it now. That whole scene must have been a big shock for him at age seven. Then I realized something else made me feel good--he trusted me enough to let go, and cry in front of me. It didn't take long for my tears to start flowing. I watched them fall, rubbing Damon's back. After a while, he stopped crying. He lifted up and saw me and my wet face. I knew he'd say something. "You're not supposed to cry, bonehead." I smiled at him. I didn't try to stop my tears. I just looked at Damon's beautiful eyes, and he stared into mine. I felt like I was in slow motion. We had another moment where no one said anything, but our eyes said everything. The quiet was soothing. I guess, with a brother like Damon, a lot of younger brothers would feel fenced in, smothered maybe, but not me. Three years later, when I was 17, I would find out that my friend Rick knew all about jerking off, way before we went to camp together. Rick never talked about jerking off to me-- because my brother had threatened him with his life if he ever said a word about it. It was Damon who finally told me that he'd said this to Rick, but only after I put two and two together, and dragged it out of him. Damon's not a super-aggressive person, so it must've really taken some guts to talk to Rick about that, and to this day I don't know exactly how he approached Rick. I admire all the things Damon does, and his feelings. It made me feel good to have him protecting me and caring about me. It still does. I couldn't relate to guys who didn't get along with their brothers--and I didn't go to their houses. At that time, we never had many chances to go see friends, anyhow. So I guess I didn't get to see a bad side of life, then--like a lot of other guys my age had seen. And I think, even now, we both have a better view of life than most people. I looked up. The stars were all out, and I heard the crickets for the first time that night. I didn't care if we ever got to sleep. I love my brother a lot. I didn't know, then, sitting in our big sleeping bag, if I could love anyone the way Damon loved me, but I would try with all my might. At that moment, I wasn't horny anymore. I didn't even think about it. All I wanted to do was be with my brother. To this day, when Damon pees, the story comes back to me, and when he holds my hand, it has a whole new meaning.