Date: Tue, 25 Nov 2003 20:57:51 -0800 (PST) From: Jeremy Benner Subject: My Brother's Affiliation- Chapter 4 DISCLAIMER: Do not proceed to read this story if you are under the age of 18. Also, do not proceed to read this story if you find incest or homosexuality offensive. Thank you This part of the story includes: kissing, rubbing, teasing _____________________ After Ian and I came down from our sexual high, we slipped our boxers and shorts on and sat back down on my bed. My asshole felt a little sore and weird, but the feeling wasn't profound enough to keep me from wanting to get fingered again. I actually kind of liked how my hole tingled and convulsed between my cheeks, but I didn't like the feeling of disgust that began to rush through my body. And I didn't like how uncomfortable I felt as I sat there beside my brother who had just fingered me. My brother who had just turned me on more than any other person ever has. Even more than that girl who pinned me against a wall about a year ago and rubbed my dick through my jeans while she whispered how badly she wanted to suck my cock in my ear. She didn't compare to how my brother just made me feel. Both physically and emotionally."You think mom and dad are having affairs?" Ian asked out of nowhere In the mist of my thoughts I had forgotten he was still sitting next to me. I couldn't bring myself to look at him for fear he'd see my embarrassment and see that I was emotionally confused by what just took place. I turned like I was going to get off of my bed, but I just sat on the edge with my back to him. "I don't know. Probably," I said simply "I bet dad is, but I'm not sure about mom. I think she really is working late like she says." I felt Ian's presence behind me; I could feel him watching me. "Although, mom seems like the type who'd..." his voice trailed off as I bent my head down and massaged the back of my neck with my right hand. "I'm trying to break the silence... You're not talking. What are you thinking about?" "I'm thinking about mom and dad having affairs now," I responded, avoiding the question. Ian was quiet for awhile before asking, "What about before?" "What?" I asked, looking over my shoulder at him. "What were you thinking about before I asked if mom and dad were having affairs?" I felt awkward and out of my depth, so being the dick that I am I said, "I was thinking that you ask too many questions." "So you have no thoughts at all about what we-" "No. I have no thoughts right now, ok E?" I said quickly, and turned away from him again. "That's bullshit. You're acting all weird!" "Ian... lets just forget it alright?" Why couldn't he catch the hint that I didn't want to talk about what happened right then at that very moment? Sure we'd talk about it later, of course, but I didn't want to face it then. I felt sick. "Forget it? Forget it how?" "God, you're annoying! I don't know, just drop it. Lets just fuckin' drop it, please!" "Jesus... what's your deal?" he muttered "You're so damn pushy why can't you just drop things?" "I guess I get a little confused when someone's mood changes so damn fast!" Ian said. I felt my bed bounce as he got up. "And I guess I get a little upset when someone presses an issue when I ask them not to!" I shouted as he left. I groaned out loud and put my head between my knees. What did he want me to say? "Thank you little brother for fingering my hungry ass and giving me the best orgasm I've ever had!" Please, of course I wouldn't say that! We're not women here. We don't need to talk about sex after we do it. We just masturbated anyway, what's the big deal? Well... we're brothers, that's the big deal. And... we did a little bit more than just masturbating together. I don't really know how I ended up with my knees to my chest moaning in heat while my brother fingered me, but it happened! What do we do now? Forgive me Ian for not knowing what the fuck to say to you after the reality of what happened hit me! Forgive me for drifting back into my nonchalant, jackass attitude and acting like what we did didn't even occur, but gimmie a damn break! What are we a couple now? Hah, wouldn't that be a nice thing to drop on our parents. These were my thoughts as I lay in bed after Ian left. As I lay in my cum soaked bed to be exact. And as I thought them and forced myself to believe I should be the one upset, my conscience nagged at me telling me for once in my life I could be straight forward and honest. For once in my life I could open my mouth and not spew out crap! I could actually give telling someone my true feelings a try. "This is such bullshit! You need to stop acting like a dispassionate, unemotional asshole and just fucking speak up and say what's on your damn mind!" Ian said as he burst through my door. I looked up at him, startled, and I couldn't find any words to yell back. "You can't just LET me do what I did and then afterwards act like a fucking dick!" Ian yelled "Well, fuck man, I don't know what to say to you! I feel uncomfortable!" I shot back "You could have just said that. Why can't you communicate Brian? What's so hard about it? Couldn't you have just said `I don't really know what to say. I feel a little uncomfortable' instead of just acting like a prick and pretending like you weren't just on your back moaning for me to finger you faster just 5 minutes before!" "Ugh, God! You know what Ian, fuck you! You're the one who started the whole fucking thing anyway." I shouted and as I said this Ian stormed out of my room. "I never asked you to do a damn thing!" I yelled after him I put my head in my hands and groaned and just like that... my Friday was ruined. The next time I saw my brother after that day was Monday at school. I passed him in the stairs on my way to my Chem class. My heart jumped to my throat and I stared at him as he came down the stairs in my direction. He looked at me for a few seconds before turning his attention to something else or someone else. I tried to read his face, but I couldn't. He was expressionless and he looked devoid of thought. All weekend he hadn't been home. I didn't know where he was; I didn't see him once. Man, that weekend was terrible. I spent every hour of those two days obsessing over how I felt when my brother was fingering me. I felt so... undisguised and real. I not only loved how my brother's finger felt inside of me and GOD I loved it so much, but I also loved how I was feeling emotionally. I've never felt so close to anyone, not even when I lost my virginity, but that was a laughable experience. I've never felt so eager to relax and just be myself. Just be Brian. Whoever that even is. I just know I wasn't bullshitting and I felt alive and content in my own skin. My brother made me feel that way. What does that mean? We just masturbated together but it was more than that. There was something there; I don't know what, something between us. There was this connection and bond... this, affiliation or something. I thought about Ian's face as he fingered me all weekend. I couldn't shake the image from my mind. I heard his voice even when I blasted my music to drown out my thoughts, "Breathe. Relax... does it hurt?" and my moan of "No" followed in my thoughts. I shuddered in my skin and blinked my eyes hard to get rid of these thoughts, but they stayed with me all weekend. I masturbated in the shower on Sunday night as I thought of my brother fingering me. I moaned his name and came so hard on my shower wall that I had to lean forward and place my head on the tiles to steady myself. Afterward, I tried to figure out how I had gotten to this point. Masturbating to the thought of my brother and his voice? My brother...mmm and his voice when he told me what to do with my ass. My brother who made me feel so good. So so good. God, help me, I'm going crazy. Please, I don't want to think about Ian like this anymore. Please! My stomach churned as I passed by my brother in the stairs on Monday and I found myself looking forward to seeing him at home later that day as I floated from class to class. But when I got home from school after football practice, Ian wasn't sitting on the couch drawing like he had been the other day, nor was he in his room or the kitchen or the den or anywhere in the house. I was slightly relieved because as I drove home I began to get nervous and dreaded seeing him. But mostly I was sad and dissatisfied when I realized he wasn't around. We needed to talk. I didn't know what I'd say, but I had to say something. I was all fucked up now! Nothing made sense anymore. How could it be that my girlfriend, Megan of 2 months, (which is a long ass time for me to be with a chick that rarely puts out) was now the last thing on my mind and my BROTHER was the one who was running through my thoughts and making me hard every time I thought of him? "You know where Ian is, mom?" I asked when she came home from work "Jessie's. He said he'd stay there for awhile," she responded, kicking her pumps off and reclining on the couch. "When did he tell you that?" "He called me Saturday morning. What's wrong?" "He owes me some money," I lied and walked back upstairs. Tuesday came around and I tried not to think about Ian when I was in class or in the halls, but I did. I wondered if I'd see him when I turned every corner. I looked for him in the cafeteria as I pretended to be focused on eating my food. I didn't see him Tuesday at school though, and when I came home he wasn't to be found yet again. However, when I was talking on the phone with Megan in my room that night, listening to her complain about how I'm not attentive to her or some shit, I heard some shuffling around in Ian's room. "I'm not saying we can't work this out, but you have to try harder," Megan went on "I know," I said softly as I tried to hear over her and see if I was really right about the shuffling in Ian's room. Was he home? "You tell me you care about me so much, yet you don't really listen to me." "I'm sorry Meg, you're so right. I'm going to change. I know I have to," I said this quickly, trying to please her so I could hang up and go verify these sounds I was hearing through my wall. "Go on, please," she pressed Shit "And... oh damn. Baby? My mom is wanting me to go move my car. Can I call you right back?" "Uhh, well-" "I know mom, ok, I'll do it," I tried to make myself sound annoyed, "Ugh, I gotta go Megan. I'll call you right back." "Ok." Click. I listened closely. There was definitely movement in his room. I got up and started to walk to my door with the intent to go talk him, but I stopped. I wanted to talk to him, but I knew he'd be pissed. I stood by my door for a few minutes just kicking myself and saying how ridiculous this whole thing was before I quickly opened my door and went to Ian's room. I didn't even knock I just opened his door and went in. "Hey," I said coolly. He was kneeling down beside his bed fumbling through a box of stuff. He didn't look up at me, but he did respond and say, "Hey" back. "What are you doing?" "Looking for my pencils. I'm going to draw here in a minute." "Cool." "What do ya need?" he asked, still not looking up at me "Well..." my heart was racing. Why doesn't he sound pissed? "I thought we should talk." "Yeah? What's the deal?" What game was he trying to play here? "What do you mean what's the deal?" I asked stupidly "I mean about what?" Ian asked standing up and plopping down on his bed. Going by his tone and how he was acting you'd think our argument Friday didn't even transpire. I said nothing and just stood there like a moron. I sure as hell wasn't expecting him to act like this. I watched as he flipped through his notebook and settled on a clean, blank sheet and began to draw. Ian looked up at me and brushed the hair out of his eyes with his hand before saying, "Could you turn on the light, please? My lamp is too dim." "Sure," I said softly and flipped the switch on for him. "Thanks." I stared at him as he drew. His head was tilted to the side as he focused intently on what he was doing. The light above him hit his blue eyes just right and made him look so captivating. My mind flashed me back to when he looked up at me with those eyes as his finger meandered inside of me. His expression as he was fingering me turned me on even more and made me feel at ease with being that close to him. So at ease that I didn't want the energy I was feeling between the two of us to stop flowing. "I'm sorry I acted the way I did on Friday," I said. I started to go on, but Ian cut my words short by saying, "No problem." I felt myself getting upset, so I said, "Ian, can you stop drawing for a second and listen to me?" He looked up at me with a blank expression and waited for me to speak. "I'm sorry I was a dick Friday. I just felt out of my element and I didn't know how else to respond to what happened except by being an asshole." I paused to give him an opportunity to speak but he didn't, so I went on to say, "I have this thing where... if I feel uneasy or nervous or something, I'll immediately put up this wall and act like a dick so that other people won't know I'm upset or whatever. That's what I did Friday, and it was totally out of line." I think that's the most honest thing I have ever said in my entire life. I felt proud of myself, but my satisfaction was stomped upon when Ian said, "Thanks for apologizing. I don't hold it against you or anything." He gave me a sly smile then went back to drawing. "I guess I deserve this, but will you knock it off please. I don't think I've ever admitted what I just said to anyone before." He said nothing and continued to draw. "I'm APOLOGIZING, don't you get that? I'm sorry," I said firmly "I get it, Bry. Apology accepted man, I told you, no harm done alright?" "And that's it?" "Well... what else is there?" "What do you want to do now?" I asked "What do you mean?" "Well, you're obviously still upset even though you're pretending like you're not. Do you want to just never talk to me again?" "Basically. But we both know that's not possible since we live together, go to the same school, and oh yeah, we're brothers." Now that I had got him talking I decided to sit down on his bed to get closer to him. "I really don't feel like talking. There isn't even anything to talk about anyway." He said in a very uninterested tone as he put his notebook away and laid back on his bed. "You don't accept my apology?" "Yes! I told you no harm done! Lets just forget all about it and go back to how things use to be when we didn't talk unless we had to." "You're that pissed?" "I'm not pissed! And why do you even care? You never care about anything!" He said, raising his voice. I was relieved he had finally started to show some emotion even though it was anger. "Don't be a dick, that's not true." "Oh, you're right. You do care about football and sex and food and cars and your appearance, but you don't care about people. You feel nothing so how can people expect you to care about how they feel? That's how you've always been," he said this so simply as if his words meant nothing at all to me. As if his saying that couldn't possibly hurt me. "I do care about how other people feel..." "Ok, then I guess we disagree," He said and rolled over onto his stomach and acted like he was going to take a nap or something. "Ian, damnit, will you cut this shit out?" "What do you want? An apology from me? Fine, I'm sorry I felt like being nice to you and doing something I thought might make you feel good. I've learned my damn lesson! Now will you just-" "Ian stop! I'm not asking for an apology! I liked what we did! I loved it! Alright? Jesus man, ugh!" I shouted, cutting him off. This got his attention and he lifted his head to look at me. I went on to say, "Give me a break, stop acting like an ass for a second and listen to me!" I sighed, trying to calm myself down, before I said, "And if we weren't brothers I'd want you to do it again but since we are I feel ashamed that I let you do it in the first place. I'm even having a hard time looking at you. I see you differently and it's freaking me out." "How do you see me?" "I don't know... you're different now. You're... I don't know... attractive to me somehow. When I look at you I want to... I just don't see you the same way. Everything is fucked up now! I don't see you as just my kid brother anymore. I haven't looked at you the same since you told me about you and Jason. It's weird and I don't know what to think or how to feel about it." Ian said nothing. He looked interested and surprised by my words as I spoke. His expression encouraged me to go on. I looked away from him and proceeded to say, "And... I was a little too comfortable while you were playing with my ass. Any normal guy would have been like, `Wait a minute, we can't do that. We're brothers' but I fuckin'... spread my legs like some bitch and just let you do it. When I realized that after I came, I felt sick and I didn't know what to do. Because that's not normal you know? I'm not gay and I've never thought of... messing around with you or Jeremy or anything. I'm not into that, but I really liked when you were showing me what felt good. When we were messing around, I didn't care that you were my brother. You made me feel like a person. I don't know how else to describe it." I couldn't believe I was admitting all of this, but I had to! I had been thinking about my brother in this sexual, forbidden way for days, and I had to tell him. My stomach was tight as I waited for Ian to speak, but he never did so I turned around to look at him and he was smiling his boyish smile and I couldn't help but smile too. "Why are you smiling?" I asked, laughing a little "I didn't mean it when I said you never feel anything and you don't care about how other people feel. You do, but you just rarely show it. I wish you'd be more honest like you're being now." "It's hard because I've never been truthful or sincere with anyone. I almost don't know how to be like that. It's easiest for me to put up a wall and act like an ass than to be myself." "Why? I don't get it." "Because I'm afraid to let my guard down. I'm afraid to let anyone get too close to me because they could... see me and begin to understand me, if that makes sense." "But we're brothers... I just want is to have a good relationship with you. But you make it so hard," Ian said gently I didn't know what else to say so I just sat there. Ian sat up on his bed, behind me, and I turned so that I was facing him. "I really liked it to. That's why I got so pissed. You were acting like you didn't care that I did that to you. You made me feel like a homosexual freak or something." "I don't think you're a freak at all. I just felt awkward..." "Me too." "I still feel awkward," I laughed and he laughed with me. "So what do we do?" "I don't know." "Can I tell you something?" he asked I nodded "The thought of being with you in a sexual way really turns me on because we're brothers. I've always felt that way. That's why I wanted to finger you so badly. Do you think that's horrible?" "Yeah," I said honestly, "But I feel the same way. I just didn't know it until I was with you. Now I've been thinking about doing things with you all the time." Ian's face was really close to mine. So close that I could feel his breath on my cheeks and lips. All of a sudden Ian and I were talking really low but there was no one in the house. "This has to be a little gay," I whispered "But I thought you said guys just do what feels good?" "Yeah...but I'm really attracted to you now. I've never been attracted to a guy. I feel so weird." "I'm attracted to you too, but I'm not gay. I don't think this is gay, Bry." "I think it is, E," I disagreed "We just masturbated together. That's all." "Yeah but, it was more than that. I got this weird feeling when we were doing it," I admitted "Me too, but we can't just all of a sudden be gay, Brian!" "But...I'm wondering right now... what it'd be like to kiss you," I forced the words out of my mouth and I felt my face get really hot. "That's a little gay don't you think?" Ian just stared at me. I could see the bewilderment in his eyes, but I could also see the lust and the longing. "I've kissed Jason before. It doesn't make you gay." "You want to kiss me?" I asked. I was so horny and lost in the sexual energy that radiated between my brother and I that I wasn't even thinking before I spoke. I had definitely let my guard down. "What are we doing Brian? This is so weird." "I know..." "I thought I'd just show you how good it felt to get fingered and that's it. I didn't think we'd start making out or anything." It seemed to me like he was saying, "No Bry, I sure as hell don't want to kiss you. Are you insane?" But he went on to say, "When you were moaning all loud when I was fingering you, I wanted to move so I was near you and kiss you while I did it." As Ian admitted this to me, my eyes wandered down to his lips and I felt overcome with passion and longing for my brother. "Do you want to try it?" I whispered. I didn't even try to conceal how impatient and eager I was. Ian didn't respond, he just paused for a few seconds before leaning his head in and I closed my eyes as I felt our lips touch. We laid several soft kisses on each other's lips for awhile before Ian broke away too look at me. His eyes were hungry and glazed over. I'm sure I looked the same way. I wanted more of him! I wanted his tongue so badly. I leaned forward and kissed him hard this time. My hands cupped the sides of his neck, and I kissed him like I had kissed all of my ex girlfriends except more passionately and deeply. I pried his lips open with mine and moaned as I felt his tongue slide into my mouth. I remember thinking as I kissed all of those stupid girls, "Good, maybe I'll get some." But as I kissed my brother I thought about nothing but his tongue and how good it felt against mine. The feeling was electric and my body felt so energized and alive. I was kissing my brother! Mmmm my sexy brother who I didn't even know was a turn on for me until just recently. I felt his arms wrap around my back and press me closer to him, and I tilted my head to the side, trying to feel more of his soft muscle. Our tongues seemed to fight with each other, but dance sweetly at the same time. Ian moaned inside of my mouth, which turned me on even more, and I clutched the back of his neck with one hand and moved my other hand up his neck to his soft, silky hair. He moaned again and began to lay back on his bed. My lips followed his, and my upper body rested on top of him. Ian broke the kiss for a second to scoot further up on his bed. After he got more comfortable, I plunged back in and sucked his tongue back into my mouth. My brother spread his legs and pulled me more on top of him, and I began kissing him deeper and more aggressively. Mmmm his tongue was so soft yet firm and demanding. I gently began to grind my pelvis against his as we kissed, which in turn caused Ian to do the same. I felt his hand slid down my back to my ass, and I whimpered in his mouth when he forcefully pushed my butt against him and forced my hard dick to press on his thigh. My fingers went back to his hair and the palm of my hand rested gently against his cheek as I began to lose myself in the feeling. Ian's fingers moved from my ass to my lower back, and he tickled my spine with the tips of his fingers as he progressed up my back, lifting my shirt. I pulled off of his lips and leaned back to take my shirt off over my head. He began to do the same and I eagerly helped him. My eyes rested on the light fuzz Ian had on his chest and I thought to myself, "God, everything about my brother is sexy." My chest isn't as hairy as some guys I've seen in the locker room, but it's hairy enough to be able to hear the curls brushing against each other when I run my fingers over them as I often do. We were breathing kind of heavy as we took our shirts off, and even before Ian was settled back against his bed, I moved back in to feel his soft lips. I sighed to myself when my chest touched his; the feeling of our warm bodies touching made me a little light headed and faint but all the more horny. As we kissed, I felt Ian's hands move between us. When I realized he was fumbling with the button on my shorts, I raised off of him a little to make it easier. He began to move me to the side, indicating that he wanted to be on top, so without breaking our kiss I rolled over onto my back and pulled him on top of me. I moaned my disapproval when Ian pulled his lips from mine. Without saying anything to me, he anxiously grabbed my open shorts and began to tug them down. I lifted my ass, and looked down as he pulled my shorts down my legs then dropped them beside his bed. Ian rolled to the side of me and began to unzip his own shorts and I reached over to help him. We hurriedly unbuttoned, unzipped, and pulled the shorts off and threw them to the floor. When Ian turned his attention back to me, he rolled to his side so that he was facing me and placed his hand on my chest. I laid on my back and looked over at my brothers face as he gently caressed my chest hair. Ian moved closer to me, and I felt his hard cock pressing against the side of my thigh. I looked down at my brothers' hand as I felt it slowly sliding down my chest and stomach. I anxiously anticipated Ian to slip his hand under my boxers and grab hold of my pulsing cock, but he teased me by moving his palm over the waistband and simply rubbing my hardness through my boxers. This felt good anyhow, but I was so horny. I wanted him to touch me and make me feel good."You're so hard," he whispered, looking down at my crotch as he massaged me. I lifted my hips off of the bed, and pressed my cock against his hand in response. Ian rubbed my dick harder through the fabric and I moaned softly under my breath. He teased me like this for several minutes, so I was forced to moan out, "Touch it." Ian looked up at my face and said in a playful tone, "Touch what?" "Touch my cock," I whimpered Ian slid his hand up and tickled my stomach with the tips of his fingers for awhile before sliding his hand back down and under my waistband. I inadvertently bucked my hips up when I felt my brothers' fingers and palm pass over the head of my cock. He stared at my face as his hand slowly and smoothly moved over my hard-on. "Tell me what you want," he whispered and bent down to kiss my neck I sighed and turned my head to the side when I felt his mouth on my tender skin. He kissed me sweetly on the perfect spot, just below my jaw line, for awhile before drawing circles on my neck with his tongue. "Tell me," he moaned against my neck and continued to run his hand up and down my cock so gently and impeccably that I began to pre-cum. I usually don't start pre-cumming until I'm close to cumming, but my brother was so flawless. He obviously knew just what he was doing. I was so lost in how he was making me feel that I felt far away from myself and almost like Ian and I weren't messing around at all, but my pounding heart, quick breath, and throbbing cock reminded me that we really were. "I want you to suck my dick," I whined My brothers' had left my boxers, and he moved from my neck to my lips and we shared yet another passionate kiss before Ian pulled back and sat up on his bed. "You want to do this?" he asked me in a serious tone while he looked down at me. "Yes. What do you mean?" I asked stupidly "You won't act all weird and be an ass afterwards, right?" "No! I apologized for that. I really want this, Ian. I still don't know how exactly we got to this point, but I don't want to stop." "Things will be weird after," he stated "Things are weird now. What are you talking about? You don't want to mess around now?" "No. I do, I just want to make sure you do." I raised up and looked my brother straight in the eye and said, "I hope you aren't asking me if I feel 100% comfortable with this. Because give me a break... this really makes no sense to me and it's wrong. But do I WANT to go on? Yes! Now stop worrying and asking questions, you sound like Megan." He made a face indicating that he didn't like that correlation, so I leaned forward and kissed at his neck like he had done mine. My arms wrapped around his back as I gently lapped at his skin. Ian tilted his head back and put his hand behind my head. "What about Megan?" he whispered gently "What about Jessie and Jason?" I questioned back against his neck. "No one can know. We can't tell them that this is..." his voice trailed off as I planted my lips on his and forced him to think about nothing but my tongue. To be continued...