Date: Sun, 25 Nov 2018 17:23:45 -0600 From: Armando F Subject: New Adventures with Older Brother Part 23 Disclaimer – This story is a work of fiction, and depicts incestual sexual action between teen boys. If you are uncomfortable with that, or live in a community where that material is forbidden, please stop reading. Don't forget, Nifty is a great resource, so please donate! http://donate.nifty.org/donate.html Sorry about the slow down on writing... It's been a busy month! Thanks to everyone who always emails in making sure I'm doing okay, I really appreciate it! And the eagerness to see more of what heppens to Ben and Army! Please send all comments and critiques to my email at army.mando9@gmail.com! Chapter 23: "All I Have to Offer is My Own Confusion" " - Please sign here and here, and we are all set." "Huh?" I was unsure what I was even doing. "Insurance, Ben. Wanna make sure we have this all set for you." I looked back down at the papers on the desk in front of me, but... it felt like I was looking through fog. I couldn't focus on anything, it just like a chicken drunkenly walked over the paper before vomiting and dying... Or maybe that's just how I feel right now. Underwater... Or maybe quicksand? Or some kind of jello pit with no ladder and there's too much whipped cream and its all sticky and gross. That's how I feel. "Ben? Are you okay?" I looked up back at the girl giving the dumb seminar on life insurance or health or car. I don't even know anymore, I just wasn't paying attention. "Ye-... Yeah, I am. Sorry." She blinked and then smiled, flipping her hair a little. "You seem a little... distracted?" "Umm..." I was confused... I watched as she undid the top button of her blouse, a very nasty pink color that looked more appropriate on a pig, which didn't help when mixed with the weird flush color of her not-so-ample tits. She then slowly slid her hand across the table, and rubbed mine... her short stubby fingers lightly playing with the middle knuckle of my right hand. I involuntarily flinched and withdrew my hand. "Sorry, let me just sign this and you can be on your way." She sighed and just rolled her eyes. But I didn't care. I grabbed the pen and lazily put my name on the lines, forgetting what they were even for again. Oh well... I stood up, faked a half smile, and walked out of the conference room. I shuddered at the thought... Past me would have probably just asked her to follow me into the Janitor's closet and fucked each other stupid, but... Well, my dick says do it, but the rest of my body just shrugs and ignores it. Don't over think it, I guess... Still gotta pass by HR and grab my first check. This is the only thing that will make this whole hellish 2 weeks worthwhile. Seeing that those numbers on that stupid piece of fancy paper... "Ah, Ben, here you go." The nice old lady at the desk motioned for me to come sit in front of her... Hopefully she doesn't undo her blouse a little too. Once was enough for one day. "Thanks, Ms. Florence. Have a great weekend." "You too, darlin'. Don't get into too much trouble." She winked at me. Trust me, I won't. I mostly just... want to stay home. But that sounds like a bad idea too. I really should get out there and do something. Make friends in this new god forsaken hell hole. Or at least try to stop stewing in my own feelings. Bleh. It's the worst. Everything is the worst right now. Getting into my truck, I stare at the envelope. Feels hefty, or maybe that's just my hope... Oh well, no time like the present. I slide my finger under the lip and slide across, and close my eyes as I pull the little piece of paper out... Come on, Ben, look at it... It can't be that bad. Could it? I peek, and... my jaw drops like a bag of bricks. $1500?! for 2 weeks of work? What?! I felt stunned. Like whatever this dark heavy lake that was weighing on me lifted! That damp haze? Gone! No more ramen and jacking off home alone for this guy! _ _ _ _ _ "Did you wanna stay the night, or were you gonna run to your room and hop on the phone to chat with your neeeeeew boyfriend?" Harry sneered at me. "Nah, he can wait a night. Make him savor the first date." "Good, it wasn't fun shooting banditos and robbing banks without you, buckaroo." He tried on his dumb cowboy accent again. Oh dear lord. "Even with that voice? That's a surprise." I rolled my eyes and smiled at him. "I tried my best!" He laughed as he turned the corner, pulling into his parents drive way. "How'd the date go? That kiss y'all did seemed to say it all." "It was... great, honestly. He's really great. His jokes are great, he looks great, he's just... Just... Well, great." "Glad to know you went on a date with Tony the Tiger." He snickered to himself. "That's all?" I was kind of left silent for a second. He's great, there's nothing else I can say. Is that bad? Or am I left speechless because of how nice the date was? Or am I...? "Oh come on, you ding dong, get inside, I got some horses to 'wrassle'!" Harry snapped me out of it. "You know that voice is never going to work, right?" "Dang nabbit!" He lifted his fists in the air and cursed out into the night. "I'll be the more darn-tootinist lawbringer in this here neck of the west! Believe it!" I regret telling him about this game. But... I'm glad I got Harry. _ _ _ _ _ I come back to my apartment with bags upon bags upon bags of shit. One fucking shopping spree that would make my past 10 Christmas's blush! I barely had the check for a dang day and spent about 90% of it. Gotta live a little, right? A new decent HD TV with a new video game console, a ton of real fucking food, a few new clothes, and brand spanking new stereo. I'm gonna jam out to some new fucking music, make some damn spaghetti and meatballs, and pop in a nice new war game and kill a bunch of fuckers online. I pop the disc in, let it load, and I put a pot of water on the stove, and just sit on the couch... And just stare at my new TV... Still off. My faint dark reflection the only thing on that screen. I stare back, empty as the thing staring back, seeing which of us blink first... Sigh. What's fucking wrong with me? I got all this shit to make myself happy, and yet here I sit, playing mind games with a expensive mirror. Fuck it. I don't need to be here. Maybe I should go out tonight... get stabbed to death to feel alive. It just feels... uncomfortable here. It's home, but I wouldn't call it that yet. I heard a few guys at work mention there's a good bar and club scene a few miles down towards downtown. Maybe I should go out and get to know people... Well, people who aren't my coworkers or insurance ladies who want to hop on my dick. Maybe even people my own age! Well, a little older. Still just 18... Oh well, might as well commit to this... My stuff will still be here after. I grab some of the new clothes I got and shower/shave/fix myself up for a night on the town. Hopefully I get lucky. Or at least someone buys me a drink so I can just get out of my own head for 5 minutes... _ _ _ _ _ "So, gonna date him? Is he good boyfriend material?" Harry gave me a glance as he gave me the controller. "I don't know, Harry... I barely met the guy officially." "Well, I hope so. Would be nice to see my best friend get some action." He giggled as he went to grab his guitar and playfully strum as I played around in game. "Is that all? Just some action?" I snorted. "I mean, yeah, get some lovey dovey action too, if you want that gay shit." He laughed out loud. "Plus if he knows a sexy other band member, hook me up. Preferably a vocalist." "I'll ask." "Well, if you need a ride to your next hook up, let me know." "It's not a hook up, Harry!" I pushed him off the bed, as he cackled to himself. "But I'll keep it in mind." We joked around for a while, but the night stole whatever energy we had left. Harry swapped to his boxers and a wife beater tank top, while I just dressed down to a t-shirt and some boxer briefs. I always felt distracted by Harry's body... After seeing his work out routine and how he really cares about what he eats recently, I've grown to appreciate his body more. He's so cute, but oh well, nothing will ever happen... even if he looks super hot in those green plaid boxers. And whenever he lifts his arms and you see that cute brown underarm hair of his, little specks of white because he refuses to swap to gel deodorant. Harry patted the bed, hinting he wanted some company, so I turned off the game and we slipped under the covers. We've done this so many times over the past year that we just... cuddle and talk for a while before passing out. No funny business ever happens, surprisingly, but it's just... Maybe Harry sensed I really need someone to hold me. I know I'm still pissed and angry, but feeling someone holding me, the warmth... It's not an exact match to the phantom pain, but fuck that. I'm happy with anything. Though Harry's long hair can be so obnoxious. I always end up with a loose strand in my mouth somehow... . . . . Harry dropped me off back home since he had some chores to do at home. As much as I would love to watch him mow the lawn, I had other business to attend to. I step into my house, and I see Mom reading some book at the kitchen table, her big hair tied into a ponytail. "Hey, baby!" She looked up and gave me a big smile. "How was your date?" ... What? "D-Date?" How did she- "You realize these walls can be kind of thin. Hopefully Harry treated you well." "I didn't go on a... Wait, Harry? No! Nonononono!" Mom laughed, well, it was more like a hyena cry. I know where I get all my terribly obnoxious laughs from, but its grating being on the receiving end. "Fine. Who was it with then?" "Just... someone." I felt all the blood rushing to my face. "Does 'Someone' have a name? What do they do?" "Ahh!" I cried out, trying to make her stop. All the blood in my body rushed to my face, embarrassment oozing out of me. "Just... someone I met." "What's his name? Come on, Army. It's your first date! I wanna know everything!" She dog-eared the page she was reading and put the book down. "Did you get lucky?" She followed with a wink and another hyena giggle. My face felt hot. His name? Does she know? Why is she bugging me? This room feels so damn hot! "Oh calm down, Army, I'm just teasing. Hopefully Harry was able to judge him, I trust his opinion." "You... you know I'm-" "Your brother was surprised too. Yes, I'm not dumb. Also you are very bad at hiding it. The way you would stare at cute waiters or guys on underwear packaging..." She stood up and gave me a hug. "I love you no matter who you love... Just use protection, okay? I've seen enough 80's movies to know where that road leads." "Mom!" I hug her back though, grateful. At least she knows and is happy. When did she talk to... Him... though? "Oh honey!" She kissed my forehead and sat back down. "Now, just be careful. No guys older than your parents! And watch out for... what did your uncle call them... 'Glory Holes?' Your uncle used to tell me about his gas station hook ups and his fun times in the Navy, so... be careful." "Wait, Uncle James is gay?" "Oh, right, you were probably too young when we last saw him. Maybe I should call him later..." She went back to her book, to my own relief. Holy fuck, this is just too embarrassing. I fled to my room and sat down on the lower bunk, taking a breath... Maybe I should call Lee? It's been a day, that's enough to not seem desperate, right? Gawd, I hate dating rules. I'm racking my brain for any advice, but all it comes from... "His" sneering face and stupid voice. Fuck, I get so damn pissed just thinking about him. He's an asshole anyway. Would probably just fuck the guy in the bathroom and then burn the phone number, moving on to the next person in some other state. Stop it, Armando. Don't let it ruin your day. Just... call your new crush and maybe set up a second date? What would be fun? There's that new comic book store that opened up near downtown. Or maybe we could watch a movie? What's out... Oh whatever. I step out into the hall and grab the wireless handset and take it to my room. I pull his phone number from my dresser and call it. * RING... RING... RI-* "Thanks for calling Taco Bell, how can I help you? " "Yeah, I'm looking for a jerk named Lee? Kind of tall, scruffy, cute?" "Nah, we only got burritos here." I could hear him laughing to himself. What a fucking dork... He's great. "Any cute gay burritos?" "Yep. Hope you like extra cheese." "You are too cheesy for your own good, Lee." "Hey... I thought you liked that about me?" "Maybe, maybe... Hey, what are you doing this week?" "Hmm... Other than a show on Tuesday, I'm free. What's up?" "I don't know... Maybe..." Come on, Armando, you can fucking ask him out again. You did it once! Curse these nerves. "Maybe see each other again?" "Totally! Want to hang out at my place tonight?" His place? So soon? Wow... Umm... Damn, why is my heart so damn loud? I can't freakin' think! "Well..." "Oh come on... I got this new funny game about 4 people who need to find some weird treasure on this crazy-ass planet, and I need someone to play with." Video game date? Damn it, Lee, you are such a damn tease. "Okay, fine. Could you pick me up though? I don't have a car." "Sure!" We made plans again to see each later. However, I couldn't tell his intentions. Did he want to... hook up? Is that why he wanted his place? Or maybe he genuinely wants to hang out... That's the only thing about Lee that really bugs me... The guy is so unreadable. I can't tell at all what's going on under the surface. Is he genuine? Is he mean and just using me? With... You know who... I didn't have to worry this much, because he was still my flesh and blood. But a random guy? I just... I'll ask Harry later, I guess. Get his opinion... _ _ _ _ _ A few blocks down the road and I find myself in a very packed street, crowded with tons of people. Hell, if it wasn't for the moon being visible, you'd almost think it was day with all the damn lights. Which bar should I hop to first... Hmm... That one has a statue of a giant rabbit with antlers on it, wearing a saddle... That might be fun. Or that other club with that guy who looks like he's about to... Nope, he definitely barfed on the street. Maybe not that one... Shit. Umm... Oh, that one looks nice. 2 story building, huge balcony, tons of people, a lot of glow sticks and neon... Seems loud and obnoxious enough to forget yourself in. I wait near the bouncer, but I can't tell if he's cool enough to ask for ID or not... Fuck, I just want to drink, not play Metal Club Solid and sneak into this stupid place. But, as fate would have it, someone drunkenly fell down the stairs next to him. I mouth "thank you" to the patron saint of underage drinking and shuffle through the door while the guy helps Little Mister Daisy off his ass. Holy fuck, it's bright... I shield my eyes with my hands as I'm blasted with the full fucking arsenal of lasers, lights, and disco balls. Shit, it's like if someone took Dancing Queen and fused it with laser tag... I march up to the bar and ask for drink. The bartender, wearing nothing but some kind of leather harness and a hat that I swore said Daddy's Little Monster, winked and smiled as he worked on mixing it. "So will you be needing a tab, or just one little ol' drink?" "Just one for now, thanks." I hand him the cash and take a seat at a nearby little counter, watching the dance floor in the back swell with the mass of bodies. In the flashing lights, it almost looks like some kind of Silent Hill esque monster, a collection of fucked up sweaty arms and legs, trying to move at the same pace but... can't. Guess this must be a gay bar though. Not a girl in sight, just a bunch of random guys, from cute young hairless boys to what I assumed was their own Pa's joining them. Well, when in Rome... Or Greece, in this instance. The music is pretty... okay, I guess. Dance remix of a pop song I don't care about, but whatever puts asses on the floor, right. At least it's about to be finished... I hope. You can never fucking tell with those long ass breakdowns that sound like someone put a Tamagotchi (Holy shit, I feel old... ) in a blender. But at last, the last few beats drip out of the processor and the intro to the next song starts... Wait I know this song... "After love... after love... after love... after love..." You know what? Fuck it. I should go join that mass of weird sweaty body parts and dance too. I chug the rest of my drink and rush to the floor, singing along! "No matter how hard I try, you keep pushing me aside..." In the back of my head, I wonder how fucking cliché this is... Gay club playing Cher, but fuck it, everyone is screaming and dancing in sync, it's a total crowd pleaser. I close my eyes for a while, just letting the super loud music pour through me... Screaming along since who doesn't know all the fucking words to Believe?! The bass deep in my stomach, pounding like a funky sledgehammer, the lights and lasers from the ceiling firing like some Star Wars battle raging above me... Like full blown therapy, I can feel all the rage, the hate, the anger just pour out as I dance and sing and move along, caught in a whirlwind of horny guys all here to do the same: Release this pent up emotion. "HEY!" Huh? "PSST! HEY, YOU!" I open my eyes and I see a tall, skinny guy smiling at me. He was dark, like polished ebony, but his eyes glowed bright against the lasers and lights. He wore no shirt, just some jean cut offs and a yellow chest harness, his chest was slick with sweat, but he looked positively hot... In more ways than one. He had a dancers body, strong core, but limber and flexible. His hair was buzzed super short, but obscured by a cute hat with some words I couldn't make out. "HEY YOURSELF!" I shout back. "YOU LOOK NEW HERE! WHAT'S YOUR NAME?" Ugh, this shouting match when all I wanna do is dance. "BEN!" "YOU'RE CUTE, BEN!" I feel his hand slither up to mine, and he starts dancing closer to me, our bodies barely inches apart. "THANKS! YOU'RE NOT SO BAD YOURSELF, MISTER..." "CHRIS! BUT DON'T CALL ME MISTER. MAKES ME SOUND OLD!" He smiled back at me. The song finally finished and I could feel him pulling me to the bar. Well, this is what I wanted, right? "Oh thank gawd, I can finally hear." "Yeah, it can get a little rough for trying to chat. Want a drink?" "Sure." He motions to the bartender and places an order. "So what brings you to our little piece of gay hell?" "Bored and lonely on a Friday night." "Aren't we all?" He still had his hand intertwined with mine and gave me another smile. The bartender came back with 2 glasses, and left us be. Chris looked at me, lifted his drink, and we toasted. "Bottoms up!" We chugged the glass and went back to the dance floor... _ _ _ _ _ "He invited you to his place?!" Harry was so stunned over the phone, he couldn't believe my luck. "Yeah, he wants to play some games." "Like what, Strip Mario Party?" "Umm... I... I don't think so. It sounded like a legit thing." "We'll see, won't we, Mr. Casanova." Damn it, Harry, stop making me feel weird about this. Well, more weird. "Are you gonna need a ride?" "Nah, he's on his way to pick me up." "Okay. Just... Be careful, okay?" "I will. Thanks Harry." "Sure thing. So, guess what... I saw Big Foot in the game. I was riding up north in the wood while it was raining, and I heard a weird as fuck sound. Then lightning cracked and I saw this huge fucking thing in between the trees.10:08 PM 11/24/2018" "Nuh Uh. That's a myth, just like it was in San Andreas. You probably saw a bear." "Nah, man, I swear-" * HONK HONK * "Oh, sorry Harry, I think Lee's here." "Use a condom, stud." "S-sh... Shut up!" I hung up on him. Why does he keeps saying we're going to fuck... I mean, if it got to that point, would I say no? Could I say no? I'm lonely... It's been a very hard month, even with Harry and Mom helping me. Just... Who knows. Stop thinking, start feeling, Army. Though maybe don't feel too much. I step outside and see Lee in a cute green old style Chevy Blazer. "Hey, Army! Ready to go?" "Yep. Let's mosey!" The drive is comfortable. Mostly small talk, and Lee awkwardly sings along to his music. Mostly some old rock songs like Black Sabbath and some 90's stuff like Green Day. It's cute watching him drum along, since he hits the phantom parts of his kit with knowing expertise, but you can tell he feels awkward singing. Like a cautious whisper. But his eyes keep flicking to me and a small sly smile breaks through his scruffy face. We eventually hit a small cul-de-sac and park outside a pretty plain looking 1 story house. That weird off white/yellow color, white trim, slightly messy lawn, super nice Mustang in the driveway. "This is my place. My dad's currently out at work so we got the whole place to ourselves. " He leads us in, to a sparsely decorated living room, dark and empty, just a big TV on the wall. Down a similarly empty hallway, and into a door at the corner of the hall. However, Lee's bedroom was not the same as the rest of the dull house. It as a little small, but it was... nice. Decent sized TV, with a video game console and... "what is that?!" I point at the big weird looking lit-up case. "Oh, that's my PC. I found a site online that makes some pretty crazy cases, so I got one." "That's so amazing!" Continuing my tour of his room, I notice more shit... the walls were covered in posters for anime and games and music. A few toys and figures posed on a book case. Couple of drumstricks carelessly tossed around the room. But the big show stopper were like the 6 or so white blank long boxes in the corner, stacking on top of one another. I walked in and just started walking around in the little space there was, poking and prodding to learn more about my host. "Like it so far?" "It's amazing, Lee. So many cool things..." I step up to the boxes. "May I look inside?" "So long as you don't make fun of me." I pop off the lid on a box and I see... Holy fuck! Tons of plastic bags holding individual comic books... I pull out one carefully, and see "Detective Comics #753." I look at the one behind it... #754. "Wait... How many..." "I haven't done a count in a long time..." Lee moved beside me and gave me another sly smile. "But I think I about 900 Batman comics. Split between Detective and Batman." "Wow! Like... That's amazing, Lee." "Yeah. I love Batman and Robin... Especially Robin." "For sexual reasons?" I giggled to myself, but stopped before it escalated... "Which is your favorite?" "Robin? Hmm..." He thought about it for a second, mulling over the answer as he grabbed a pair of drumsticks off the floor and started rapidly tapping out a song on his pillow... "It's split between Tim Drake and Dick Grayson. I love Dick's optimism and plus he's the sexiest hero of all the comic worlds... While Tim is clever and tech savvy, makes reading about him super fun because he's not lame like Jason." I smiled. Lee amazed me with... Well, everything. Batman obsessed goon? Check. Loves games and anime? Double check. Cute goofball? Just paint the box in permanent marker. "Hope you don't think I'm a loser..." He laughed awkwardly. "No one has ever seen my collection like this." "Really?" "Well, besides my old friends, but they also collect their own comic obsession. Kase loves Spider-Man, while Bobby loves Green Lantern, and Aaron loves him some classic Superman." He looked back at me again. "What about you? Do you like comics?" I cracked the biggest smile... "Do I? The X-men are my lifeblood!" We sat down and just... talked. Comparing DC/Marvel, talking about comics we read, anything that came to mind. Way more was said now than that first date... Guess we ditched that awkward nervousness and just... opened up. "Doctor Doom is so lame, what are you talking about, Army." "Bitch! He fucking uses his own name as a verb and in the 3rd person. The man oozes badassery. Master of Science and Magic? Rules his own damn country?" Lee chuckled, "Fine, fine. I'll concede. Wanna try out that game?" "What are you waiting for?!" I said, excitedly. "Sorry, got distracted talking to this cute guy about nerd shit." He gave me another crooked smile, earnest and sweet... He stood up and walked over to his TV, popped a game into the system, and tossed me a controller. We loaded into the world, and picked our characters... I went with some super cool cyborg ninja thing, while he picked some magic punk girl. It seemed like a super fun game. Run around, shoot weirdos, use super obnoxious powers, collect new guns. Hell, I might get this for me and Harry and B... Ugh, nevermind, Army. Focus. Slice these lame monsters down! Eventually we got to the first major boss, and after some really tight coordination and badass use of our powers, we killed it. I got a super cool sniper rifle, while Lee got some sweet acid revolver. Lee paused the game and turned towards me... And you could almost feel the tension in the room. His gaze lingered as our eyes locked, and I watched as he licked his lips and leaned in to kiss me, and I moved forward in turn. We let our lips and tongue dance for a little, enjoying how warm he was, the little scratchiness of his scruff on my face, the strong grip of his hand on the back of my neck. I felt his other hand snake its way under my shirt, feeling my stomach and chest. I moaned outloud a little, unable to control myself... Lee pulled back and smiled, his dark hair covering his eyes a little, making him look both sexy and a little dangerous. He stood up and ripped off his shirt and quickly undid his pants, dropping them on the ground, leaving him in some goofy Simpsons boxers. Bart on a skateboard... How weirdly cute. He dropped his boxers and stood there, naked and proud, ready to continue... And I sat there, stunned. Lee was so damn pale, you can tell where his t-shirts would be based on the slight tan on his arms. But his upper arms and shoulders were marked with a cute collection of freckles. A pair of bright pink nipples and very thin and small patch of dark chest hair broke the whiteness of his chest, leading the eye down to an equally thin but equally dark happy trail, to a neatly trimmed bush. And there was his cock... I swallowed a little, my nerves overtaking me. He wasn't very long, but what he lacked, he made up in a very strong girth. The pale skin continued to his head, where you could see his head, showing pink against a set of hairy balls. Oh, I guess he's cut. Never seen a cut cock up close. My head felt foggy, but I couldn't say anything, I just wanted to enjoy it... Enjoy him. Yet, something kept... scratching in the back of mind. Like a tired but feral animal stuck in a cage. Making me feel... apprehensive. Nervous... Wrong. Now exposed, he jumped back into making out with me, his hands resuming their exploration of my body, sliding under the waist band of my underwear, and gripping my... Wow, his hand is so warm... "You okay?" He pulled away from our kiss. "H-huh?" He looked down at my dick and back up at me. "Well, you're still soft... Everything okay?" "Oh... Umm... I'm just... A little n-nervous, t-that's all." "Well , let's see if we can fix that." He gave me another sly smile, and went back to kissing me. I felt as he helped me out of my shirt and pushed down my jeans and underwear, leaving me as exposed as him. "You're really cute, you know that, right?" He said in-between kissing a path down my chest and abs. "And oh... You're uncut!" "Is... is that a problem?" "Nope. Always wanted to play with a guys foreskin." He giggled to himself as his mouth reached it's goal, hovering over my dick... I moaned outloud as I felt his warm... so very warm and wet mouth envelope me. I felt his tongue explore and prod and lick what it could, but I could still feel something was... off. "You sure you're okay?" "... Why?" "You're still soft..." Lee lifted his head off me and gave me a weird look for a second, but then backed off and coughed awkwardly. "Wait... Is this... Your first time? Shit, sorry... I... Fuck." I watched as he put on his underwear and sat next to me on the bed. "What's wrong, Lee?" "I should... Should've asked first if you even wanted to... I just... assumed. Little too eager..." He sighed and put his head in his hands. "Sorry..." "It's fine, Lee... Just... It's my fault... Fuck, I'm sorry." We sat there in silence for a while. I was unsure what to say. Should I tell him he's wrong, it's not my first time? No, I don't want to make this worse. Yay, the guy you're into can't get hard despite you being a really sexy nerd, even with your mouth on his dick... Come on, you fucking stupid idiot, get hard, stop making this whole thing awkward as hell. Shit... Why now? I just wanted a simple gawd-damn night of playing games, yet here I am now, on the verge of a breakdown, trying to hold back tears. No, Army, don't let it get to you. Don't over think it. Just nerves. NOTHING ELSE. STOP FREAKING OUT. STOP BEING A LITTLE BITCH. STOP THINKING AND OVER THINKING IT! STOP BEING MAD AT YOURSELF... STOP BEING JUST WORTHLESS. Lee must have sensed my apprehension "Listen, how about we just ignore this and just watch a movie? No need to make this more awkward than it is. Is that okay?" "... Yeah, that sounds nice." "Cool! I'm gonna get us some water. My movies are in that little box next to bookcase. Find whatever you like!" He gave me another crooked smile, which made me feel better. Lee stepped out, which gave me a chance to get dressed. I searched through the box and found... Hmm. Blade Runner. I hadn't seen that in years. That should keep us busy and hopefully forget this whole mess... _ _ _ _ _ We made out in the bathroom stall for a little bit, but I could tell Chris wasn't interested in kissing... He just wanted to see what I was packing. Wasting no time, he undid my belt and pushed my jeans and underwear down my thighs in one fell swoop, exposing my cock to the musky bathroom air. Immediately going to work, I bit my lips to keep my moans from revealing to the packed bathroom what we were doing. Though, based on the noises, it seems that the only use this place has is for blow jobs, pissing, and both. The guy was a fucking master though. His tongue, his lips, his throat... He knew exactly what he was doing. I put my hand on the back of his hand, but feeling his hair... I felt weird. Like there's a cold rock stuck in my heart, and no amount of pumping will move it. I shook my head to stop thinking about it. "You got a real nice dick, Ben." He said in between some deep throating that would make a sword swallow-er jealous. "Big..." He gave my whole shaft a big lick. "Juicy..." And he sent back down his throat again... I could feel his mouth just milking me, and I felt close... Holy holy holy moly. I wanted to push his face deeper, but I wanted to avoid touching his head. I just let him work till I knew I was past the point of no return. "I'm gonna..." I couldn't even finish, I just felt wave after wave of pleasure, shot after shot cum coat the inside of this guys mouth, his tongue, his throat, probably even his stomach and lungs for good measure. Fuck, that was a lot. Leaning against the side, I panted hard, trying to catch my breath, regain my composure . Chris smiled, stood up, spat all his hard-work into the toilet, and started to undo his pants. But something came over me. This wave of just... like when you know you just ate something bad and it's slowly seeping into your body, the toxic waste that was poisoning your stomach, your veins, your heart... "S-sorry, I gotta... Gotta go." I opened the door and stammered out of the stall. "Hey, what about me?! Cunt!" was the last words I heard called after me as I fled out of the club. I darted out the front door and onto the street, looking for something... And as if as second blessing from the god of underage drinking, I found a nice trash can, and threw up in it. It felt like it lasted hours, my body convulsing and twitching as it launched the contents of everything... My dinner, the drinks, my guilt, my emotions, my happiness... It sat there on the top of an old box of Redbulls, a disgusting reminder of my own weakness... I wandered slowly back to my truck, and climbed in, defeated and disgusted... Resting my head on the steering wheel... And I felt a few tears trail down my face. What is wrong with me... The eternal fucking question to everything bad I've done... Everything bad I will do. The only feeling left now was that awful cold rock still stuck in my heart, like a cancer. Emptiness and darkness took over the rest of me, as I closed my eyes, hoping this was all just a bad nightmare... _ _ _ _ _ The room was dark, save for the occasional flash of Harrison Ford's face against a dark or neon backdrop. I tried my best to pay attention to the movie, but the nights events rang hard in my mind still, flashes of what happened, what I felt kept popping in and out of focus. Lee and I laid on his bed, side by side, propped up by pillows and awkward silences. "Army?" "Yeah?" "Listen... Don't blame yourself about... earlier." I felt his arm lightly stroke my leg... Not in a sexual way, but comforting. "I really like you, and I don't mind if you prefer going slow or whatever works for you... I'm sorry." I stayed silent, my eyes glazed over as more bright neon lights and opressive darkness showed through the TV. "It's fine... You.. You're fine, Lee. Thank you. Just, let's not talk about it. No one likes a bummer for a 2nd date." I smiled at him. Lee leaned in and gave me a small kiss. Tender and sweet, just like him... And opposite of what I deserve. Because deep down, I feel the truth, the guilt, the absolute feeling of being wrong. But my heart was split... And I was unsure which side could stand the pain more. The hollow pain of being alone and suffering in silence? Or the queasy guilt stabbing at me everytime I dig myself deeper into this hole I made for myself. Which could hold out more? _ _ _ _ _ *KNOCK KNOCNK* Ugh... My head... "Hey! Sir?" What... I look out the window and a pair of boobs is looking back. Did they talk to me? Reminds me of a nightmare I had once... "Whaaa-" I felt too weak to even use full words. "You okay?" I nodded, but the movement made me wanna hurl again. "Okay. Just making sure, be careful getting home." The boobs walked away, leaving me alone with my... nausea. Fuck. What happened last night? Or this night... My phone nicely notified me it's... 4AM? Fuuuuuck. Need to get back home. I turn on my truck and let the feeling of comfy AC hit my face... I feel gross. Like, worse than that time Pa made me clean our pig pen cause he caught me and my cousin smoking weed in it. Gonna need something to keep myself awake though, because I'm just on the verge of passing out... Or barfing again. Or both, at the same time. Wouldn't that be a pretty sight? Ughhh. Maybe some music will keep me alert. Or at worst, sluring along to some old New Found Glory songs. I press play, and... instantly I can feel my heart skip a beat. Guess I hadn't changed the CD since I... since Army last spent time together... His favorite band now playing through the speakers, and I feel... not a whirlwind of emotions, but a fucking hurricane that hit a tornado, and a tsunami passed by to hang out too... Fuck. Everything I've felt this past week just washed over me again. Guilt, anger, hate, more guilt, love, lust, regret, more love, even poetic shit like melancholy. I miss that dork... End of Chapter 23. Thanks for reading!