Date: Sun, 10 May 1998 15:02:36 PDT From: Mark Kelly Subject: Rob and Cole I handed my last paper in at 9:00 am and by 10:30 I was on the road out of Boston heading north to our family cabin in Fairly, Vermont. The end of the term had been killer. I hadn't had a full night's sleep in a couple of weeks. Man, I was looking forward to summer. But I was mostly looking forward to seeing Cole. He just finished his first year at Dartmouth and we would spend a week alone in Fairly before my dad and his wife arrived. I hadn't seen Cole since spring break when we spent a week alone together alone at the cabin. But we had been emailing and calling constantly, both of us so excited about seeing each other. My cock strained in my jeans as I thought about him, about what happened in the spring, about how much I ached to see him and hold him again. Cole is my brother, though we didn't actually grow up together. He lived with my Dad in Washington, DC. I lived with my Mom in Seattle. When we did get together it was for a couple of overly scheduled and generally unsatisfying weeks each summer at the cabin, or for an occasional Christmas when Mom and Dad would go through this charade of being a normal family. It was, in retrospect, a shitty custody solution our parents had come up with but Cole and I had normalized it a long time ago. It wasn't until the last year when Cole and I started seeing each other more that we realized how much we had missed not growing up together. We developed a deep bond. It's like we knew what each other was thinking. We made each other laugh and one night in the fall we made each other cry. We had been talking kind of casually about our different growing up experiences and it just sort of occurred to us at the same time how fucked up it was that we had been separated, how much we had missed. I watched Cole's eyes well up with tears and I felt this sob heave up in my chest and we both began to cry so hard and so deep, our hands reaching out for one another, and holding each others so close and tight, drenching each others faces and shirts with our tears. We sobbed for so long, slowing, quieting every once in a while, and then one of us would start up again, a deep wail of such pain. All the time we held one another like we would never ever let go. Finally we were quiet, laying on the couch in front of the fireplace, holding each other, me on my back, Cole with his face against my chest, I breathing his hair, stroking it, telling him how much I loved him. Then I noticed how hard I was. I mean it's not like I didn't notice before but it had been part of such a roller coaster ride of emotion. Now I felt an urging in my cock that sacred me. I felt so tender towards Cole. I figured the worst thing I could do was confuse him or confuse myself around my love for him. It felt so fucked up after this incredible afternoon of tenderness to feel what I had to admit to myself was intense lust for my little brother. I shifted away from him, said I had to pee. He had been kind of falling asleep, so made a disappointed murmuring sound and before he let go of me, he lifted his head up and kissed me sweetly on the lips. It was a brotherly kiss but my cock surged at the feel of it. `Thanks Rob, he said simply as he released me and I rolled off the coach, keeping my back turned to him so he would not notice my straining dick. I went into the bathroom and stared in the mirror. My heart was pounding. I was terrified of what I was feeling. All I could think of was making love to Cole. I wanted him so badly. I watched myself stroke the straining shaft in my jeans, thinking about Cole's beauty, the feel of his lips. I unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them open so I could see my throbbing cock outlined in my tight white briefs. I grabbed the shaft in the fabric with my right hand while with my left I rubbed my briefs around my balls. `Oh Cole, I said quietly over and over again as I jacked in my briefs in front of the mirror. And as I thought about him and my cock and balls were boiling with my lust, I started to say, `I love you Cole, I love you, I love you...until my whole body went into orgasm and my spunk pumped and pumped into my briefs pouch and my crotch was drenched with hot loads of my boycum. I hungrily reached into my briefs to feel my jism, to scoop it up, to lick it down, savoring the taste, wanting it more and more and then taking off my briefs so I could suck the jism from the stained crotch. Watching myself sucking my stained briefs, tasting my boy spunk mixed with the taste of my sweat and old piss stains I knew I could jack off all over again. My hand moved down to my still hard dick and using the remaining jism, started to stroke myself. Then Cole was outside the door. `hey Rob, what are you doin? I gotta pee!. A wave of fear pulsed trough me. `just a sec, I said in a cracked, kind of confused voice as I struggled to pull myself together and get dressed without making obvious noises. I was worried that he would be able to tell that I had been jacking and terrified he would somehow figure out I had been thinking about him as I did it. I flushed the toilet, probably an absurd pretense, but it seemed like all I could do. I opened the door with my heart pounding, not knowing how to look at him, but Cole had gone back to the living room and was laying down. `Gees Rob, what were you doing in there. I went outside to piss. Then it just came out. Like I was joking but not really: `I was jacking off... It was like someone else said it. I saw Cole's face sort of smile and then blush and I know I had blushed deep red too. Neither of us knew what to say `yeah, well I figured that, he said sort of awkwardly. We both sort of laughed like we didn't know what else to say or do and then there was this clumsiness until Cole suggested we take a walk around the lake. I was so grateful to him. We walked mostly in silence, occasionally pointing stuff out to each other. Cole asked me about college life; he had been at Dartmouth for a little over a month. I was a junior at BU. It was a beautiful afternoon and soon we eased back into a zone of intense comfort, just being with one another. I made dinner for him that night and we got real philosophical about meaning of life kind of stuff. We talked about books we were reading and before bed we hugged tightly and Cole said thanks for a really nice day, and I told him I had a really good time as well. We both had to take off the next morning but promised we would spend other weekends together at the cabin. *** Back at school, the memory of my weekend with Cole stayed very present. I realized I had never felt so good as when I held his body close to mine. At nights I would sometimes hold my pillow to me and think of Cole. I sometimes shed tears in the intensity and impossibility of the love I felt for him. I almost always shot spunk on my sheets as I held him in my mind, humping the bed, imagining my beautiful little brother. We made plans for other weekends but they never worked. Dad and his wife spent a lot of time at the cabin and we didn't want to be there with them. And other school stuff intervened and it wasn't until spring break that we were able to meet there again alone. We had been emailing each other pretty frequently. Catching up on so many years of hardly being brothers, we shared thoughts, fears, ideas, insecurities. It was the best part of my day to open up my mailbox and see an email from Cole. As the correspondence developed our emails evolved from ending with "love" to "much love" to "I love you" to "I really love you and can't wait to see you." *** He was already at the cabin when I pulled up the drive. His hair was longer and his body had changed, filled out. He had this amazing smile as he watched me drive in and I knew I had this amazing smile seeing him too. I wasn't even thinking. I got out of the car as fast as I could to go to him. And he kind of ran at me, his face glowing, his arms open. `Oh man, I said as I gabbed him and pulled him to me. It's so good to see you! `Me too Rob. God I've missed you, he said, his lips near my ears, his arms holding me so tight. We didn't want to let go. We just held one another, kind of rocking. Everything felt all right. My hands moved up and down his back and he pulled me even closer. I pressed my lips into his long hair against his neck. I felt him pull back and I realized I had crossed a line and I felt so bad because I hadn't even been thinking. Just responding. But he only pulled back part way and he still had the most loving smile. He stared for a moment in my eyes then leaned to me and kissed me gently on my lips. Then he pulled back again and giggled. `Wait till you see how Alma (my Dad's wife) has redecorated! As he moved away I knew my cock was obviously pushing out against the leg of my jeans but I also saw an extra bulge in his jeans too. Everything was happening so quickly, I felt almost stoned. `What do mean "redecorated"? I said, grateful for the diversion and genuinely alarmed that Alma might have wrecked the cabin. `She's bought all these "country" things. Old milk jugs and road signs and scattered them around. It is definitely a New Yorker's idea of what it means to have a cabin! His eyes sparkled and he laughed as he explained`or I guess trashed`Alma's design sense. By the time I got inside and saw what he was talking about I was so hyper from our encounter and his good humor that I started giggling. Cole joined in and we spent the next fifteen minutes being completely silly, letting off steam, relaxing in each others company. We headed out to walk around the lake. There were puffy clouds against blue spring sky. New leaves were budding out. It was glorious. Even though we had been in constant touch by email there seemed to be so much to catch up with. Cole was bubbling over about his classes, his friends, the freshman tennis team. His enthusiasm was infectious. He had grown even more beautiful or maybe I had just fallen so much more in love with him. He was luminescent. I felt like I was basking in his glow. All along our walk these waves of feeling for him would sweep over me and I would look at him and he would smile at me and then maybe lean into me affectionately. He got so into telling me about a literary magazine he was helping to edit that he stopped walking and turned to me so he could communicate the full excitement he felt for the project. I was hearing what he was saying but I was also seeing in front of me the most achingly beautiful person I could ever imagine. The yearning in my heart was so strong I couldn't speak. I reached out while he was talking, and pushed a stray shock of hair off his forehead. I let my hand linger just a bit and he smiled and when we started walking he drew up close to me and our hands touched and I opened mine and he opened his and slowly, wonderfully our fingers intertwined, and we walked along quietly, gently squeezing one anothers hand, not letting go till we climbed the steps on the hill back to the cabin. Back inside Cole told me that he was making me dinner. So I took my bags to my room and put my clothes in the dresser. I felt so good being there, hearing Cole in the next room, rattling pots and pans. I lay back on the bed and just let my love for him, my joy at being with him for a whole week, settle over me. Of course, my cock got totally hard as I thought of him and I longed to jack off but now that I was really with Cole I didn't just want to fantasize about him. Still, I opened my jeans and stroked myself slowly through my briefs until I felt myself approaching the point at which I knew I wouldn't be able to stop. Then I got off the bed, stripped down, grabbed a towel and headed in to take a shower. I had not showered for two days. the late nights, all the coffee, the general lack of hygiene at the end of a term, the long drive...I was pretty rank. The smell of my pits is usually a turn on for me. This afternoon they just smelled bitter. I shaved, brushed my teeth, shampooed and took a long hot shower, cleaning off all the accumulated grime. I brushed my hair back and looked at myself for a long while in the mirror. Maybe I was tired but it didn't show. I looked really good. It felt so great to be clean, like I had washed off the whole term. I wrapped a towel around my waist and opened the bathroom door. A waft of pot smoke hit me and I walked into the kitchen as Cole was taking a hit off a thick joint. He grinned and handed it to me. I took a deep lungful. It had been a while since I had smoked and when the hit began to expand in my lungs I started to cough. `fuck Cole, that is strong! `yeah, totally. one hit is definitely enough. Except I've had like three, he said giggling. `oh great! Dinner should be interesting... `no problem really. I've got it all under control, he said, staring at some chopped up onion like he had no idea what to do with it. `what were we having again? he asked and began giggling uncontrollably. I walked around the counter to get a beer out of the fridge. `hey, I'm glad you took a shower. You were really stinky! he said `yeah, I know, but now I'm fresh as a daisy, I said, lifting my arms to sniff at my pit `wait, let me check, Cole giggled. And he leaned over to put his nose to my underarm. `Mmmm, fragrant! he crooned and then I felt his tongue at my pit, licking me there. I was stunned. `Excellent flavor, mon! he said with a grin. We looked at each other for a beat, me trying to figure out what that was all about, he with an impish stoned grin on his face. I sat down on one of the barstools on the other side of the kitchen counter and watched Cole preparing dinner. The pot was making it a bit more complicated for him but he managed pretty well. It was fine watching him move, listening to his jokey patter, feeling his energy. Every once in a while he would take a swig from my beer. I loved that he didn't even ask, that sharing was completely natural. When he took the last swig he asked, should we share another *** `hey, dinners almost ready. Get some close on, Cole ordered. I went back to my room and pulled on briefs, shorts, and a cotton sweater and when I came out, Cole's veggie stir fry and green salad were on the table. He had opened and poured us glassed of red wine. `God Cole, that looks so good. Thanks! Cole just grinned and held up his wine glass.`Let's toast our week together, Rob! and as we touched glasses, looking in each others eyes I said`I am so happy to be here... I love you Cole, I really love you a lot. And I saw Cole's eyes water up. `Aw, Rob, I'm gonna fucking cry again. `Hey, this is a non crying week, I told him, and he smiled at me and held back his tears. The mood shifted from light and silly to quiet and gentle. We ate without saying much, both, I think, kind of basking in that moment of shared intimacy. A number of times we just looked at each other and at the end of the meal when I got up to clear the plates Cole said`leave em for now. Lets light the fire, finish the wine.... There was a chill in the air. The blaze felt really good. We sat next to one another, silent, staring at the flames, sipping wine. It all felt so good and when I reached around Cole to pull him close to me, he snuggled up against me, obviously wanting the closeness as much as I did. We stayed like that for a while, his head leaning against my shoulder, my face so close to his, shifting only to hold him or for him to snuggle in a little closer. I had never been happier, felt better. My cock was totally hard and I knew that even in the firelight it was obvious but I wasn't worried or embarrassed. I actually wanted Cole to know I was hard, that I was hard because I loved him so much. He shifted a little and looked up at me. His eyes were, big, soft, liquid. I moved towards him and there was this brief amazing moment of communication when we both understood that everything was going to change. His lips parted and my lips went to his and we kissed, gently, then more deeply, our mouths opening to each other, soft moans escaping as our tongues at first tentatively, then more confidently pushed inside one another. Cole turned full to me, our lips parting only briefs as both of us moaned each others names. I had imagined this so many times, cum and cum and cum again in my bed at school, wanting Cole in this way. But my most aching and intense jack off sessions were nothing compared to feel of his lips, the feel and taste of his tongue in me. We could not stay apart. I would pull back for a moment and feel the hunger in my heart and see it on Cole's face and I would say `oh Cole god I love you so much and he would moan back how much he loved me and our mouths would open again for each other, sucking each others tongues, spit, moaning so loud in our pleasure. *** `fuck Cole, I want to be naked with you, I say, lifting his tee shirt to feels his smooth chest, heaving and trembling under my caresses and my hand moves down to his crotch and he lets out one intense moan as I feel my brothers straining cock in his jeans and fumble with his buttons. We separate long enough to pull off our tee shirts but are so wanting to feel the skin of our chests against one another that we can not wait to pull off our pants before we are kissing again, deeply, feeling our erect nipples rub together. And we are on the floor, Cole on top of me, kissing rubbing, grinding our stone hard brother cocks against each other. He reaches down to open the rest of his fly buttons and pulls down his jeans. I help him by slipping my hands under his jeans, grabbing his taut ass cheeks in his tight briefs and pulling him hard against my throbbing dick `Wait he says, and rolls over to struggle out of his jeans. He is almost panting and I rip my shorts off so we are both just wearing briefs. We are kneeling, breathing so hard, our faces wet with spit, the firelight casting a golden light on us. We are frozen staring at each others beauty. I cannot take it all in. I know I could cum just looking at him and I sense he could do the same with me. Seeing my brothers beautiful boycock straining in his briefs, feeling his eyes on mine. We are having sex without touching. Cole breaks the silence, but not the spell. `I want you so much, Rob, he says, his eyes riveted on my dick. Again, its like we are one person and we bury our faces in each others crotch. The heat, the smell, the feel, the hardness, the taste of Cole's cock in his briefs, the feel of him in the same wonder and hunger at my own crotch takes me somewhere I have never gone. Sucking, tasting, loving Cole at that moment makes me shudder uncontrollably. I feel him doing the same. It is like the universe is preparing to orgasm. I want his cum inside me. I pull down his briefs, now soaked with my saliva and I moan his name in almost a shout at the smell and heat of his boycock. He has pulled down my briefs and I feel his tongue slathering my shaft and balls and I am moaning his name as I take my brothers cock down my throat. He pushes into me and I want it all. I grab his ass help him as he pumps his cock down inside me and I feel his sweet thick lips on my cockhead and I push in slowly and listen as he moans and hungrily pulls my ass to him. His hands are moving between my balls and my asshole and I am spreading my legs because it feels so extraordinary to have him there. His own legs spread telling me he wants me to follow his lead. He rubs around my hole with a spit wet finger and I gasp between the thrusts of my brothers cock down my throat. I know I am going to cum soon and Cole maybe sensing that moves his mouth off my raging cock, licks down the shaft and starts making love to my balls. I can hear. then feel him spit on them, then lick off his spit. `do it to me Rob, he begs, his voice husky with his boy desire. I am reluctant to take his incredible cock out of my mouth but wanting him to feel the incredible pleasure his spit and ball licking are giving me. His balls are sweaty and musky, and I spit on the and lick them, and suck them with such a hunger for all Cole's ripe musk. The taste is incredible and I start to lick under his balls and the smell of his ass is like an electric current. `OHHHHH, YES ROB!!! he groans as my tongue begins licking the path from his balls down his hole. I can smell the raunch of his ass and I want it more than anything. I pull back a bit to look at him. Light brown hairs glisten around the perfect pink ring. That he is not completely clean makes those shudders come on again and I spit, heavy gobs at his hole and rub it all around with my finger and then I can't hold off and start to lick and suck and I hear him and feel him begin to lick at my hole and for a brief second I wish I had not cleaned quite so thoroughly back there so he could taste me as I am tasting him. I swallow the hot tang of his boyshit as I push my tongue inside my brothers asshole. `I'm too close, Rob! he groans. and I don't want to stop eating my brothers raunch hole but I realize I am also too close to go much longer and I pull back and turn around and with my mouth still full of my spit and his raunch I pull him to me and he knows what he will taste and he just says `YES YES!!! and he is sucking on my tongue and drinking down my spit and we are holding each other so tight and we can feel each other building up and he says so fast, so urgently, `GOD ROB I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!!! And I say `FUCK COLE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH TOO, I WANT YOU SO TOTALLY. ALL OF YOU. FOREVER!!! I WILL LOVE YOU ALWAYS!!! COMPLETELY! CUM WITH ME COLE. CUM WITH ME MY LOVER BROTHER!!! CUM WITH ME NOW!!!. CUM WITH ME PLEASE..... `YESYESYES...OHHHH JESUS ROB I AM YOUR LOVER FOREVER!! I WANT YOU, EVERYTHING!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!! And screaming our lust and love we explode together, cocks pumping and pumping and pumping our mouths mashing so our tongues can fuck each other so hard, so deep. *** Our orgasms seemed to go on forever and our kisses hardly grew less passionate for minutes after the last of our loads of brother jism had mixed together and drenched our chests. We held each other without moving. There was nothing to say. We were one person, our love more powerful than anything that can be explained our imagined. We would never, ever let go.