Skip – Part 23
I am one to believe that adversity does not make one stronger. I believe that adversity sucks out one's soul. One of my boys at school was about to become very needful, and suffer for it.
I, however, also see value in the overcoming of adversity. How do you do it? Choices and love—I made the choice to take a day as it came and not to worry about tomorrow. I could be alive tomorrow, or not. Since I preach to my boys to live in today's moments, I have to do the same. One cannot ever be false to those one loves. I have the hearts of 19 young men and I hold on for dear life.
Skip had accumulated almost two weeks of vacation time from his job in Cambridge. He wanted to use the days in the fall.
"I want to go somewhere, away. Where do we go, love?"
"I have a connection to a place from when I was married, but the connection is painful to think about. I hate that it is."
"Where is it?"
"Nova Scotia and on Prince Edward Island. Kate and I spent our Christmas honeymoon there. We did a cross-country ski B&B inn tour for two weeks.
"Wow. Not your typical tropical honeymoon. Even that was an adventure, as if I'm surprised. Would you go back?"
"It's been eleven years. There's a danger of me ... "
I stopped. I put my head on his shoulder, and then I hugged him. A tear ran down my cheek. He kissed my forehead and wiped the tear away with his thumb.
"I know, love. I do. I love you. You should not hurt."
"I dunno about going back. I'm really torn. I loved it there, but that's the only place Kate is, besides my hometown."
"Can we make it a special place, for you and me? I'd like to take a hard memory and make it better for you."
"We should go. I've never been to either place, though I've seen spectacular pictures. We should have a place that's ours only. It should be a nice place, where we can make memories."
"I don't want to cry when I go."
"It might happen. Probably will happen."
"How do we make it ours, instead of Kate's and mine?"
"I don't know yet. If anyone can, we can."
Skip walked with his arm around my waist into his folk's kitchen. I had spent the day making lasagna for dinner. The folks love my cooking. I, in turn, love cooking. Most of my recipes come from my mom. A few come from cooking shows on PBS. The rest come from my imagination. The best way to cook is to use simple ingredients. I am not, nor do I want to be, a gourmet chef. I also am not a baker. One bakes very well or cooks very well, rarely both.
When the folks came home from work, they sit and have a glass of iced tea on the back deck. Skip, Billy, and I join them. The lasagna is done and curing (better than I am, but there's always hope). Skip makes a salad and his own twist on garlic bread. No dessert tonight since lasagna is substantial. The whole pan, which is a ceramic turkey-roasting pan, weighs in at 27 pounds. It is five layers high, so no dessert. We tuck into dinner at 6:30.
"As always, bud, this is outstanding," said JD. "So much for my manly figure."
"You could take up running again, dear," says Betsy.
"Or something," said JD, wiggling his eyebrows.
"Yes dear. Later."
We boys burst out laughing. No comment about our own upcoming bedtime routine.
We had returned from the lake a week ago. I did not want to be home alone yet. JD and Betsy did not want to worry about me all day either, even though they will check on me no matter where I am. Skip and JD had taken out the two twin beds and brought back Billy's double bed. Billy and I can sleep together again. We had not made love since we got back. It was time, or would be tonight.
Next morning, Skip heads out to work at 6:00 a.m. He was nice and relaxed, but lacking cum in his ball. I had a hard six ribbons of cum in my belly. Billy helped me settle onto the sofa at 6:30, after I had also sucked his cum out of his balls. I watched Scooby Doo while he made breakfast. We eat at the kitchen table since it is raining today.
We spend the morning reading. Billy startled me when I was at a high point in a Dean Koontz novel.
"Crud. Stop that!"
He giggled. "Jumpy much?"
"The story is enough to make me jumpy without you egging me on."
For lunch, we made egg salad sandwiches and ate them with baked chips. I had my usual glass of milk. Dairy farm boys drink milk by the gallon. I had gone from 2% milk back to whole milk for my scrawny ass. Even so, my weight was now 95 pounds, down from my last of 97. At 5'11" tall, my ass was not the only scrawny part of my body. I looked like a starving child from any third world country, with ribs visible. Skip, at 6' tall weighs in at 170 pounds. Billy, at 5'7" is 140 pounds.
Skip comes home at 4:30. He looks at me lying in Billy's arms, snoozing a bit. Billy gives Skip sad eyes. I am not doing well. Skip sits down with us. I open my eyes.
"When was the last time I told you I love you," Skip asks me.
"I dunno. A lifetime ago maybe," I say with an shy grin.
He holds me close, looks into my hazel eyes, and says, "I love you, Aaron. My heart beats only because of you. Don't let it be a lifetime before I tell you again."
"Um, I was going to say I love you, but I can't do justice to what you say to me."
"I would have no soul if it weren't for you. Life without you is no life."
"Then you will have me always," he says. "I don't want anyone else, except maybe a child some day. Could we adopt?"
"I think so. You don't want a wife?"
"No, Aaron. I want you."
"Then you will have me. Always."
I lifted his pendant away from his bare neck for a moment and kissed it.
"This really is our commitment then, forever."
"Yes, if you'll have me forever. It's a long time."
"It's not long enough, but I'm glad. No one could love me better than you do. I knew when I lost Kate that I would never marry again. I do want a son, like Henry said."
"We'll find a way."
"I do love you. And you, Billy, equally, because you guys know I can do that."
"And our boys get everything else you have to give, which is huge."
"I loved our long weekend together. It was even better than last year. Can we really go to see them over Labor Day weekend?"
"Yeah. I miss `em already. Kenny spent more time with me than anyone. Jake was my jack off buddy. He really took care of me after our ballgame, so I tried to do as good for him."
"Did he come a lot in your mouth?"
"Oh yeah. I have this strange fantasy about Jake and Jeremy taking turns in my ass. Don't tell them that though. Lust comes and goes, but I do care a lot about them."
"Then you took care of him. I think most people would think we're just after boy sex."
"We are, in a way. Lust is playful, and it shows them we're not too serious about our lives. I love their cocks and I'd suck any of them. I'm not ashamed to admit it. But it's not the only thing I want."
"True enough. You see how they get emotional sometimes. There's a lot of love between us."
"Most of them are afraid you're going to die."
"I know. Henry says the pleasure is so that I'll feel something good. He knows the cancer is hard. He can't stand that I would die unfulfilled."
"Neither can I. Can I fulfill you?"
"Without ever trying, but the effort is nice, too."
Skip threw me over his shoulder and carried me to Billy's bedroom. Billy let us have our time together. We would give him his time tonight.
Skip laid me gently on the bed. He took off my shorts, boxers, and polo shirt. This is my usual summer outfit, when it is too hot to wear jeans all the time. I spent my summers barefoot. He lie on top of me and kissed me so lovingly. He kissed my pendant, as I had kissed his.
"My commitment to you, my love. For a lifetime."
He enters me carefully and easily from behind, holding up my leg. He takes care of my cock while he fucks me.
"Will you ever get tired of this?" I ask.
"Nope. Love is not something that comes and goes. Love comes and stays. You'll never tire of this either, or me."
"If I ever do, put a gun to my head. There would be no hope for me beyond that."
"There is always hope for anything and everything. I can believe, easily, that you will love me until we die, and even beyond that."
"You tell me."
"Yes. And no. Eleven years, bro. 1996 makes 1985 ancient history."
He stopped fucking me for a moment. He looked concerned.
"The bad part of 1985."
He continued to look over my face.
"I'm sorry. That accident. How horrible to lose 24 years of your life together, and love."
"And then came you and Billy, and a wonderful 13, and then four more beautiful wonders. I lost, but I also gained. Nineteen souls for one. It's fair enough, now, finally."
"It's not, really. We are not Kate. We are us, unique and special."
"How can I garner such love over a mere three plus years?"
"You are you, fearless and a warrior. You show love and get it returned. Every one of us, all nineteen, love you so sincerely and so willfully that time away from you just sucks. But the promise of you in any of our lives, forever, diminishes that. It's okay to miss you. It's okay to love you so boldly."
"No half-way ventures. Go boldly."
"I'm about to come boldly, bro."
"In my mouth."
He withdrew from me, straddled my chest, and put the head of his cock into my mouth. He shot five to six ribbons of cum into my throat and onto my tongue. I swallowed every sweet drop of his creamy load. It was thick and sweet/salty. I love his cum and often crave it. I save some to give to him in a kiss. He accepts it.
"Did you save some for me?" asks Billy as he comes into the room.
"Sorry. Greed. You know."
"Then I'll take yours," he said, taking my cock into his mouth.
Skip holds me while Billy joins us on his bed. He sucks me for as long as it takes to drain my balls. Skip holds me tightly while I buck my hips. I moan as I come in Billy's mouth. He swallows it all.
"Good?" I ask.
"Great. No bitterness this time. Still saltier than usual, but no blood either."
"I keep forgetting about that."
"I'd spit it out if I had to."
"Let's hope you don't have to. Part of my orgasm comes from knowing that I'm giving myself to you, even if it's only cum."
"Especially cum. I love it. I've had my share of it at school, too. Sam and David, sometimes Ste, sometimes Henry and Matt. We gay boys like to stay close."
"Who was your jack off partner at the weekend?"
"Vincent. His cock is identical to yours in size and thickness. Still, I know I'm sucking him, and not you."
"Any shyness in him?"
"Some, but he knows it's not just a blowjob. We make each other feel. We all like cock, which is a no-brainer since we all got one. The guys like the playtime, as do I."
"I'm about ready to call it a night. Will you stay with us bro?" Billy asks Skip.
"Yeah. But I'm waking at 5:15."
"S'okay. I like summer mornings," I say.
Skip undresses Billy and we snuggle up into bed together. Rain is falling on the roof, as good as any sleeping pill in the world. I'm history in a matter of moments. I did not feel the kisses that the boys surely gave me.
Billy is packed and ready to return to Boston. Skip and I are packed, also ready to return to Boston. He will go back to work at Harvard after Labor Day. Until then, we will spend our days together making me stronger still. It has been eleven weeks since my transplant. I'm okay to spend time alone during the day. It is a nice thing to give JD and Betsy back their home, but we will visit soon enough.
On the Friday of Labor Day weekend, we arrive at school. The boys have been back for 10 days. They are settled in and waiting for us. Skip and I stow our stuff in Billy and Ste's room. We join the ongoing activities around campus. I still have my school ID. Jake brings me a current semester sticker. I do not ask how he got it, but I know it is not that easy. Our own little Artful Dodger.
The dining hall is crowded at lunchtime but we settle into lunch. The staff makes a mean bacon cheeseburger, which I devour. As usual, I find the multi-layer chocolate cake. I've rarely had better. The food at school is far better fare than I had in my college days. I could stand to have that `freshman fifteen' though. Ninety-two pounds, down from my summer weight of ninety five.
All twenty of us are together all day. We find so much to do during the weekend that we fear it will pass too soon. We go back to the common room to sit quietly and enjoy each other's company. Vincent holds me, while both twins hold Skip. He has enough for both of them. I have to wonder if they know of his fantasy.
Vincent slides his hand into my shorts, making my cock hard. I turn to look into his eyes. They are brown and deep. His brown hair is cut short. He also has a small amount of freckles on his nose, like Alex. I kiss them lightly.
"You like my freckles?"
"Yes. And I like you. I might even love you."
"Wow. How blessed I am."
"By me, and your bros. Guys?"
"I have to love him," says Jessie. "He's my roommie. He found a way to keep me from snoring all night."
Vincent holds his finger up to his lips. "No kissing and telling, Jess. That's our little secret."
Next, he takes my cock out of my shorts and plays with it openly.
"You're shameless, bro," I tell him.
"We all like your cock, Aaron. Nothing to be ashamed of."
He's right. Other boys do the same to their closest partner. I lay back while he holds me with one arm around my belly. He kisses my cheek.
"You should feel," he says, sadly, but sincerely. "I know it's not much ..."
"It's nice, bro. I like that you like my cock. I'm kinda partial to it too."
"Can I suck it sometime," he whispers in my ear.
"Can you? I dunno. Can you?"
"Can you means `are you able to'. I suspect you have ability, bro."
"Oh. May I suck you sometime?" he says instead.
"Yes, you may. Have you sucked before, more than just at the lake?"
"No. It feels better to do first time things with you."
"Why? These guys ..."
"Because of who you are. You would be patient with me. You would teach me."
"I repeat, these guys would do that too."
"But they're not you."
"Stop. You *always* cut yourself down. Why?"
"I'm no better than any of you. Don't put me up there."
"Your struggles and the overcoming of them earned you that place."
"I don't want it."
"It's your place of honor."
"No. My place is alongside you all. Don't make idols out of others."
I never want to be higher than these boys, ever. They did not understand that.
"No, love. We love and live equally. It *has* to be that way."
"It can't be. You have lived longer and you have lost so much."
"Skip, Billy, David, and Sam have lost enough too, more than enough."
"But they aren't dying, bro. You're still dying. You have had cancer FUCKING forever! You're still rejecting Billy's kidney. You could die and we'd lose you forever. I won't ..."
I did not realize that he was stroking my cock harder. I felt my cum rise through my balls and into my shaft. I looked in time to see Kenny put my cock into his mouth, just as I shot my load.
"Unhhhh, unhhhh." I panted heavily, leaning against Vincent. "Holy crap!"
Kenny kept sucking me until I was drained. He rose up and leaned into Vincent, giving him eyes. Vincent opened his mouth. Kenny gave my whole load to Vincent in a sloppy snowballing kiss. Vincent swallowed it all.
"That rightly belongs to you, bro," said Kenny.
"Thanks man. That was hot. Hope you kept some for yourself."
"Nope. It's yours. Don't be sad, bro. Aaron is going to be alright."
Kenny leaned in to kiss Vincent again. "Believe it, love. We'll all ..."
Vincent shook his head. He did not believe.
"Awww, come on love. It's Aaron who you doubt."
"Aaron is human too."
"Since he's in my arms. Since I've held his head before, from terrible sickness. Since the twins saw him shoot blood. And since I'm terrified to let him go. I can't take it away, like I want to."
"You can't have my pain, love," I said to him. "It's mine alone."
"No. I'll find a way to pull it out of you. I can."
"Please ..." and then he broke down, sobbing softly. He held me tighter than any boy ever has. "You've had enough."
"So you'll never have to feel what I feel. So the researchers will know how to treat people better."
"I love you, Aaron, so much. My heart aches for you."
"I love you as much, Vincent. I don't want you to have my pain. It's mine to fight, and to overcome. Not tomorrow, bro, but in time. Give me a reason to fight."
He could not argue any more. Kenny knelt behind him and held him as tightly as Vincent held me. I turned around to face them. Kenny kissed me, but held on to Vincent. I put two hands on either side of Vincent's face. I searched his eyes for something besides sadness. I saw love in equal shares. But Vincent was on a crash and burn.
"Come on, bro. Let's go to your room."
I normally would not do what I'm about to. My thoughts were about Skip and our commitment. But needful boys do not go on needing. Vincent could not take away my pain, but I could take away his sadness. I stood, pulled Vincent up into my arms, and looked at Billy and Skip.
"Whatever you have to do for our friend is the right thing to do, love. You won't take anything away from us. Take him to a special place."
Skip and Billy both knew I would not do this casually. They hear things that others do not. One should listen with his heart, not his ears. Most of the boys heard that Vincent is afraid of me going away, for good. Skip hears Vincent's heart breaking, putting him into a spiral. He feels helpless, about as bad a feeling as exists in life. He knows I hear it too.
"No Aaron, it's not right," says Vincent. "What I need I can't have. It's not ..."
"You can have anything you need from me, love. It is right, because it's for you."
He hesitated. He looked around at the guys. Jessie came over to him.
"You hurt, bro. Let Aaron make love to you. You've never asked for anything, and you know only how to give. Aaron knows only how to give, and a few million other things, but, you know."
Jake and Jeremy joined us. They held on to Vincent and kissed him.
"You are not weak, V. You care more than you can handle, for now. It's hard for us all to keep that in check, and sometimes we can't. There's no shame in being needful."
"But, I ... shit. What do I do?"
At the risk of injury, I bent down and picked Vincent up, throwing him over my shoulder.
"You let me take care of you," I said.
"Wait," said Billy.
I stopped for a moment. Billy gave Vincent a world-class kiss. Skip did the same, as did the twins.
"That's the appetizer, bro. But you have to pass it on."
I took him to his room, laid him on his bed, and lay on top of him. I did nothing but look into his eyes. He was scared, ashamed, even with how the guys just treated him.
"You know I'm a virgin, Aaron. I'm clueless about love."
"Yes. And not by a long shot."
"Why am I so afraid? It's been so easy to stand by you for so long."
"Because you've been doing it for so long and you don't see what you expect. Everything you said earlier is why. You're scared. Look, bro, I'm not going to take that away in one night, and certainly not by bringing you to bed. I can say I love you 24 hours a day, but if I don't show you, it's only words."
"But the words are sincere. I'm torn, because I can't deny that I want you."
I took off his shirt. I kept my eyes on his. He did not look away, reading me as I watched him. I kissed him as warmly as I kiss Skip and Billy. I touch his cheek. He puts his fingers behind my head.
"So this is how Aaron loves."
"Not yet. It gets better, if you trust me."
"I trust you."
"Are you okay?"
"No. I want to love you, Aaron. I don't sleep because I'm so scared I'll hear you died overnight. It's not how to live. But it's how I am. Make it stop?"
I kissed him sweetly again.
"I do not want you to be afraid for me, to lose sleep over the likes of me. I am in good hands, love."
"The likes of you? Aaron, the likes of you is the finest there is. I want you in *my* hands, so I know you're safe. I hate feeling the way I do. If I have you, all of you, will it be better?"
"Look what Billy has done for Skip. You know their story. You know how deep the love has been, and is. Billy felt for Skip the way you feel for me. I'm not lying here with you to patronize you. Earlier, you asked me if you could suck me. How were you feeling then?"
"Very needful, physically and emotionally. Touching your cock, playing with it, made me feel comfortable for the first time in a while. Getting you off, even though Kenny had to save your cum ... well, I wanted to give you even a few moments of pleasure. Now it seems dumb."
"I'm lying here with you because I want you inside of me. You'll be the second since my surgery. I want you to know, absolutely, that `I love you' is never just words. I will never do that to you or any of the boys. Please, put this inside me. I need you as much as you need me, bro. No lie."
It is not a lie. I need him inside me so he can live again, and help me sincerely, as he has in the past.
"You are not weak, love. A young man who can hold my head while I puke is not a weak young man. You cleaned me up and carried me back to bed. You loved me back to wellness after a fashion. A man who sits with me in chemo, holds my hand, and comforts me through something so barbaric is not a weak young man. But you have no proof that I'm going to be here for you. When you come inside me later tonight, you'll leave a part of you within me. I need that seed from you. Things grow from seeds. I'll give you mine too, if you want me to. I do want to, of course. I want you a permanent part of me."
He was incredibly hard as I put my hand inside his jeans. I take his belt off while I lick his nipples. I unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans. I fondled his cock some more. I lightly brushed his balls. He takes my shorts off when I give him a chance. He bends down to kiss my cock.
"Will you take my virginity, love?"
"If you want me to."
"I do. I want you inside of me first. I want your seed first. I wish now that I had told you before, when we were away in New Hampshire a few weeks ago. I've been crushed by my fears since then. I should ..."
"It ends tonight then, bro. Tonight we love deeper than before. I want you permanently inside my heart. The only way to do that is to enter me. Are you afraid?"
"Yeah, a little. I have no one to love besides you."
"Is that part of why you're scared for me? That you'll be truly alone ... if?"
"Yes," he said, choking up. "Yes, Aaron."
"You have thirteen other boys here who would love you, Vincent. People often become alone by choices. This friendship circle is deep. You know that as well as anyone. What if Jessie was ever sad that he had no one?"
"But he does."
"Nothing is forever, love."
"Then I would be his buddy, for as long as he needed."
"If he needed you in his life forever?"
"He'd have me. He has me now, of course. He's a great roommate."
As we talked, I slowly slid my cock into Vincent's hole from behind. He was relaxed and distracted. I would not hurt him. I went slow, giving it to him. He kept talking to me.
"You know I would do anything for any of my brothers here, Aaron. Even ... even this. They would only need to ask. I know you hate labels, but I'm bi. Not by experiences, but by desires."
"Desires are cool to have, as long as they aren't harmful to someone else. I remember you saying that you are bi, the evening that we met. Remember? I see the immense depth of your heart, my friend. Don't love half way. I don't think you could, but don't. Any man or woman you give your heart to will love you the same way."
"I want only you tonight. Are you really okay, loving me? Not because of obligation?"
"I do very little from obligation, bro. I love sincerely. Am I hurting you at all?"
"No. It's a thousand times better than I ever expected. It not just a cock, Aaron. It's you. Does it always feel this good?"
"I hope that it will for you. It does for me. I can't fuck ... it has to be sexual, of course, but it also has to be so much more. You want my cum inside of you so that you have something of me. I too want you to have my cum. I want yours too, if you'll let me."
"You will have to teach me how to love you."
"Maybe the mechanics of it. You already have the heart for it."
"I love you Aaron."
He cries softly. I hold him close to me, whispering love and friendship into his ear. He nods when I ask him questions. I turn his head gently to me and kiss him deeply.
"I want to look into your eyes as you make love to me."
I pull out and lay him on his back. I was about to enter him again when he stopped me.
He lay between my legs, watching my eyes as he rubbed my cock. He asked me a question soundlessly. I nodded. He slid down the whole length of my cock slowly, opening his mouth. I pulled out just a little so he would not choke. He held me tightly, licking it, sucking it smoothly. Boys do not have to be told `no teeth'. He licks the head of my cock while looking at me again.
"It tastes like you, like the sweetness of your lips. I don't just want your cock, but I do want your cock too. Is that crazy?"
"Love me, love my cock."
"I do. Not equally though."
"I love you much more. It's in here."
He kissed my chest, over my heart. "Here too," he said, kissing my lips again. "And here," kissing my forehead, just the way we all like that. "And, here," kissing my stomach, maybe my soul. "But here too, just because." He went back down on my cock.
After a few minutes of sucking me, feeling my cock throb, he lay on his back. He nodded. I put his legs over my shoulders. He slid his hole up onto my cock as I slid it down inside his hole. When he felt my balls against his ass curve, he stopped pushing.
"Am I hurting you, at all?"
"No. I'm dreaming, though. Why would you do this for me?"
"Because you want me to. No dream, bro, just pure love from me to you."
Tears run down his cheeks in great torrents.
"I'm sorry, Aaron. It's just overwhelming."
I start to pull out, afraid that I'm hurting him and that he won't speak up.
"No! That's not what I mean. There is no pain. You couldn't hurt me, bro, not ever."
"Overwhelming my senses. I feel every nerve in my body. I'm alive, maybe for the first time ever."
"More because of who you are vs. who I am."
"Not even close. YOU bring us boys life and the greatest love. People who do not know you live half lives. Unless you've cloned yourself all over the world."
"Come on love, I don't hold the patent on loving someone. I'm not 1/1000th as unique as you think. I learned love from somewhere."
"People around me. A young woman whom I loved for 24 years. A child from her womb, who we would have brought into the world together."
"You have me, instead. How old would he be?"
"Then I could be someone you love? Like your own?"
"You are, Vincent. I don't love halfway—not after telling you to love completely."
"I do love completely. You are the center of that. You do know that you making love to me is not an instant cure."
"I do know. Emotions are not turned on and off so easily. If they could be, we would never turn on the bad ones."
"We have to know bad before we can know good. I have to cry before I can laugh, so the laugh is a good feeling."
"I didn't think it's possible, but I keep getting harder inside of you. I was afraid I couldn't get hard and stay hard."
"You love me. Is that reason enough?"
"I do love you. Yeah, bro, it is more than reason enough. I will love you as much for the rest of your life, if you want."
"I want. I need love, like Sam did, like Sam does. He is your best achievement, Aaron. I can't imagine hating Billy because of who and how he loves. Maybe that's why I think I'm bi ... I can love anyone. Can't I?"
"You can and will. I am already jealous of the person you will spend your eternity with."
"You will be one of two."
"Awww, love, that's nice. I want you to keep me in your heart. You're a better part of mine tonight, but I did not care any less for you earlier."
"Yeah. I will always take the most needful into my heart and keep him safe."
"We should stop for a while, love. You're very tired."
I did not want him to see that. I am tired. My stamina is not there yet, and I hurt inside my back pretty badly. I was not willing to stop though.
"You have to, love. I know you hurt. It shows in your eyes."
"Sshhhh. Above anything else, you're human. It's one reason I ache for you. You are still very fragile, even with the strength that you have. If you hold me for a while, I will be just right."
"I still want to give you my seed."
"Later. Let me hold you too, Aaron. I have a need bigger than your cock."
He pulled me down onto him while I withdrew from his ass. I pulled out reluctantly. Being weak is not a trait I like to show.
"You're not weak, Aaron. You're tired. I'm not ready to be inside you because I'll hurt your back."
"How come it's so easy for you guys to read me? I thought it was just Skip, but you just did it."
"You are not a complex man. Your mind and your heart are pure."
"Well, not with the lust that it's part of me."
"It's part of all of us, Aaron. I'm not any less of a spiritual person because I feel lust. I don't give myself credit for much, but I do accept that."
"Well spoken, Vincent. I'm very proud of you."
"You make me profound. I still tingle, bro, even with your cock out of me."
"You said your need is bigger than just for my cock. I'm going to speak for Billy for a second. When you feel overwhelmed again, as you probably will, go and tell Billy. He will do this for you too."
"Billy has Sam and David."
"Sam has David for his needs. Billy is no slouch either, and they are three, but don't suffer when you can talk. If you want Billy's cock, or you want him to have yours, tell him."
"I'm not sure I could do that."
"I'll speak for you if you want me to. He was your partner for the weekend in New Hampshire?"
"Yeah. We've already sucked, just to catch the cum after jacking off together at the lake. Maybe if you speak to him with me."
"He won't refuse you."
"Maybe. I just want him to understand."
"Okay, love. No worries. In case you don't know it, you're very hard."
"I do know it. But I'm afraid."
"Go boldly, love. Don't give in to fears, for any reason."
He lay there looking into my eyes. He saw no lies. If I lie, it will only hurt him, and I will not hurt someone. I would rather die.
"Do you want me to wear a condom?"
"No. Virgin boys don't need condoms with other boys."
"But you trust me?"
"That you are virgin? Well not exactly."
"I took your cherry, love. You are not a virgin any more. But you also do not need a condom. I know you're okay."
"What happens if I come too fast? It's possible. I'm close enough, to be honest."
"I have an idea."
I went down on Vincent's cock, sucking him slowly and very fully."
"Oh bro, you're going to make me come!"
I nodded. I kept sucking him so he would come. It did not take long for him to shoot hard into my mouth.
"Geez. Now what? I can't enter you if I'm soft."
"Then get inside me right away."
He did not hesitate. He knew why I sucked him off so readily. (Yeah yeah, because I wanted to taste a sweet boy's cum, but for more than that). I gave him a healthy supply of spit. He lifted one leg and held on to it as he entered me. He pushed into me easily as I pushed onto his cock. He stayed hard, pleased.
"So I don't have to worry about being a lousy lover?"
"No. You're not. If you still come too soon, just keep moving inside me and stay hard if you can. Or you can do more later. Whatever you want and need from me, it's yours, all of it."
He nodded before kissing me. He looked inside my eyes again.
"I like it, a lot," I said to him. "You inside of me is nice. Go a little easy though, okay?"
"I won't hurt you, Aaron. Can you feel it if you bleed internally?"
"No. But ..."
He pulled out of me quickly, looking startled.
"Hey love, not to worry. I'm okay."
"No, I can't do that to you, if you'll bleed."
I did not know what to do. I did not want to bleed, of course, but I also did not want to deny Vincent anything. I too am quite horny, so I did not want to deny myself either. I thought about it while he lay beside me again.
"This is hard on you, isn't it?"
"Yes," he said, barely whispering.
"Relax then, love. Let me take care of you. This will be new, but I hope you'll like it."
"Show me," he said.
I got in between his legs and raised his ass a bit. I licked his ass cheeks, and then gently probed his hole, teaching him something new.
"Wow! I thought you being inside me was great, but this is so cool."
"It's more sexual than anything, but that's okay for you?"
"You do love me, and you respect me, I think, so it's all good."
"I do respect you, love. Being needful does not take away anything."
I went back to putting my focus on his hole. He moaned as I licked him across his hole several times. I rubbed the flat part of my index finger around it too, without entering him. He got hard again, so I decided to test the waters further. I slid my spit-lubed middle finger inside him and found his joy buzzer. I brushed it gently a couple of times. He moaned but did not come.
"Careful, bro!" he warned me.
I replaced my finger with my tongue, still pleasurable but not so invasive.
"Do you want to try it?"
We changed places. He did to me what I had done to him, including eating me out. I think `go boldly' echoed in his head. He did just that. I felt him relax very subtly. I smiled, and he knew why.
"It's nice, Aaron. Everything you are doing. More than anything, I want a good night's sleep for a change. I'm tired, and tired of being scared. It's not the right way to honor you, but it's how it is."
"It's time to put some of the worry aside, love. Please, put your cock back inside me."
He started to shake his head. I reached down and encircled his hard cock.
"I don't want to hurt you more."
"Then don't. Love, I want you to make sweet love to me. That does not mean fucking my brains out. I like my brains. They're good brains."
Sigh. "You make me smile, bro. Sweet love means us two, not just me."
"Yes. Is it okay, now, for you to give your seed to me first?"
"Yeah, bro. As long as I get yours tomorrow."
"I will. I won't deny you anything. I really do understand your fears, love. But they should not hang over you. I want you to love me because I'm good and kind, that I make you laugh or smile. If you live with fear that I'll die suddenly, and be lost to you, your living far less of a life. It's not right."
"Hold that thought," he said.
He entered me in one smooth stroke, exactly as I love it. He probably knows that. The guys say I'm easy to read. I do not know, but maybe. Or maybe he has good instincts. He does have an excellent cock for my excellent ass.
"Aaron, you are a good and kind man. You do make me laugh, and smile too. Sometimes the guys know I'm thinking about you because of the expressions on my face. They have them too, so I don't feel weird about it. I don't want to live a lesser life. Everybody dies in time, but you should not die before your time. You're on a mission. If you die early, it'll be incomplete, or done half-assed by someone else trying to imitate you."
"We teach them, love. The greatest life one can have is when someone else picks it up and carries forward with it. Do that for me, before I die."
"I've started. With me. I can't help someone else, except you, if I'm tethered to fear. You honor me, love, so I want to truly deserve that blessing."
"You do deserve it. Just work with it."
"Lay back and let me make sweet love to you, Aaron. I want this for me, too."
I did not say anything while he slid his cock in and out of my hole as expertly as he could. His instincts are indeed strong. Despite him saying it was for him too, he made it 100% about me. His lifetime partner, he or she, will be so blessed. Vincent's heart is so pure.
"No it's not," he said, "but I'm working on it."
I rolled my eyes.
I do not know how long he fucked me. He had stopped worrying about hurting me. He wanted to see if it was better or worse in different positions. He took the lead and I let him do anything he wanted to. I like it on my back the best. Second best is having my love behind me, holding my chest and stomach. We did it doggy style too, and also lying flat on my stomach while he short-dicked me. We both knew we wanted to look into each other's eyes when he came. That's an important part of `sweet love'.
"I'm close, Aaron. Do I pull out?"
"No. I really want you inside of me for the rest of my life."
"Unhhhh, I'm coming, love. Ohhh. Unnnnhhhhhhhh ... "
I pulled Vincent into a kiss while he filled my ass. He writhed in my arms, having never experienced such an orgasm in his young life. I hold him to me while pushing my ass so that his cock stays inside of me.
He lies beside me, clinging tightly. I kiss him until his breathing comes back to normal.
"Yeah. Was it good for you?"
"Good? No. Merely the most intense, incredible, loving thing I have felt in all my life. Loving Aaron. Oh bro, you are so special."
"As are you, love. Look, it's after midnight. I love to be loved at midnight."
"Will you love me at dawn?"
"Can I, uh, may I hold on to you? All night?"
"Are you still afraid?"
"Well, yeah, but the edge is gone. It's not so sharp. You won't leave me alone, will you?"
"I love you, sweet Aaron. Do you want to get off?"
"Nope. I want to snuggle into your neck."
"I'd like that. I like you too."
"Good night, my love." I kissed his neck lightly just before he went to sleep. I lay still in the night, listening to Vincent sleep soundly. Jessie is bunking with a friend of choice, so there are no worries about him either. These boys are not confined to bedrooms and walls.
I woke up to find Vincent still sleeping. I lay and looked at his sweet face. I kissed his lips very lightly. It was another half hour before he woke up.
"Hey bro," he said, smiling at me. "You're alive. I guess I did good last night."
"I am alive, bro, and you did great last night. Do you want some?"
"I'll take that as a yes."
I reached for lube and poured some on my already hard cock. He rubbed it in for me, and then put some in his hole. He knew already that I would not hurt him. I entered him as if I was doing it for the first time. We kissed and made slow, sweet love for most of the morning. I gave him every position that he gave me last night. He liked them all, as did I.
"I love you so much. I'm sorry for yesterday."
"No apology, bro. It's not necessary. Just don't stop loving me, okay?"
"I love you, too, Vincent. Very much."
He smiled as if I just told him he won millions of dollars. I settled into the final round of love to him, laying him on his back again, and going deep. I long-dicked him and then pushed all the way inside him, spurting several long ribbons of cum into him. He pushed up as I pushed down. He held me tightly until I stopped thrusting and squirming.
We lay and looked at each other until my cock slipped out of his ass.
"Thank you, Aaron. It was so nice."
"Because of you."
"Awww Aaron, you're worth being scared over. I'll be okay if you will be."
"I have faith, love. Yours just needs tweaking. When you want to talk to me, you can call me. I'm up until 10:30 most nights. If you want to spend a weekend, you can."
"Thanks, love. I will call. I won't be a pest ..."
"If you worry, call. There is a lot of comfort in being cared for."
"Skip takes care of you. You have a committed relationship. I'm sorry that I intruded ..."
"Sshhhh. You did not."
"I know. And now you're better. The rest will come in time."
"You love all of us here."
"We love you too, every one of us."
"It's why I live, bro."
"Can ... argh, *may* I hold you for a while longer?"
"Yes. I'm yours."
We lay and kissed for a while longer and then went to shower. The guys gathered around Vincent later in the morning.
"Okay love?" asked Jessie.
"I'm okay. You?"
"Yes. No worries."
"No worries. Thank you, Jess."
Vincent walked over to Skip. He knelt down in front of him and put his forehead to Skip's forehead.
"I owe you a lot, love."
"You owe me nothing, my love. You're okay by me, anytime. You did just right."
"Believe it, love. There is no crime in caring too much, or in being scared. You feel the way I have felt sometimes. Don't suffer alone, bro. There is no need. We love you all as much as you all love us. You should call Aaron."
"We worked that out. I will."
Vincent kissed Skip. Our little corner of the universe was better today. I will make love to Vincent again, whenever he wants to. Or maybe when I want to. I have needs too, but far from sexual needs only. I need my boys to live well, and physical love is part of that well-being. Any one of them can ask Skip, or Billy, or me to make love to them, and we will. I cannot love everyone who is needful, but I can love these boys with all my heart. I do every day.
Skip and I took our vacation later than planned, waiting for snow to fall in Canada.
"Tell me about Kate," he said to me before we went away.
"We got married on Christmas Eve. We spent two weeks here and on Prince Edward Island."
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