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Skip – Part 29
On Friday afternoon, we drove to Connecticut to see Sam and family. Will was welcomed in the Jared way, with warm hugs and kisses.
"I'm so sad that you were thrown out of your house, Will. Even with a new family, it's hard to get past that your own family doesn't want any part of you."
"It works two ways, Sam. I don't want any part of them either. My father hit me. What type of father will hit his own son and tell him to `man up', when I'm a better man than he will ever be. I hate the bastard. My new folks say my father is a shit. I don't want a shit for a father. Mr. W is very cool."
"What are you going to call him?"
"I dunno. What do you call your new father?"
"Dad. Because he is a dad, finest kind."
"You think he'll like that if I call him dad?"
"Yes. The first time I called him Dad, he smiled and hugged me. He told me I was not an adopted son, just a son, and just like David."
"Then I will. I'll have the family name, like you do. No living in my past."
We were sitting under moonlight on the beach. Sam held on to Will and Michael. Skip, Billy, and I held on just as nicely. The breeze was warm, our bellies were full, and were seriously hard. Sam asked his boys if they wanted to take care of the erections that he had helped make.
"Yes. Can we play together?" asked Will. "All of us?"
"Sure. Circle?"
We stripped quickly and with no shame. Will lie between Michael's legs. Michael went between mine. I wanted David. David took Billy and Billy took Sam. Sam took Skip. Skip circled back to Will.
"Um, okay bro?" Skip asked. "Would you rather have someone else?"
"No of course not, love. I love you, Skip. We're family here aren't we?"
"I hope so, but ..."
"No but's, love. I have no problem with you jacking me off, or more, if we go that far."
"What we do is up to you three," he said to the boys.
In answer, Will went down on Michael. Michael went down on me without thinking any more about it. We went around the circle and Skip took Will in his mouth. Will nodded to him to encourage him to do what was usual. Skip licked Will shaft and then rolled each ball in his mouth. Will did the same to Michael. Will also knew what it took to get Michael hard, so he gently probed his hole. Skip showed Will what it felt like for Michael.
We took our time knowing that we would not be interrupted. When he had to come, Will started to take his cock of Skip's mouth.
"Nope, love, I want your cum. No wasting the good stuff."
"Okay, go for it."
He looked at Michael.
"You want to try mine?" Michael asked.
"Mmmm," Will said with his mouth full.
It was even more full in another minute. Will swallowed Michael spurting cum load. He cleaned up Michael's cock, quite enjoying what had just happened.
We each took cum in turn, glad that the younger boys followed along so easily. I was the last to come, not caring about my place because it just felt good to be taken care of by David. We all kissed each other, holding on tightly for a couple more hours. The three younger boys will sleep together in David's bed. Skip, Billy and I will sleep in the guest room above the garage. Aaron and Kate worked a half day on Saturday's lately, so we could sleep in if we wanted to.
Skip and I were up early as usual. He carried me down to the beach so we could swim for a while. He floated me on my back for several minutes. My legs hung down so I could not float on my own. He kissed me deeply as he held me.
"I love you so much, Aaron. Every day goes by and I love you as much. I know I will love you at least as much tomorrow, and probably more."
"How can you? Look at all my scars, my dead legs ..."
"I see your heart. I don't see scars and disability. You're going to walk again anyway, maybe not fully, but you don't care. And the scars are your war wounds. They mean you've overcome great trauma. This one especially speaks only of love from your Billy."
He ran his finger over the `Billy scar'.
"I'm scared you ..."
"Sshhhh. You are my friend, my heart mate, and my conscience. You have helped to bring the best of love and friendships to so many. I will love you every day that either of us is alive."
"I love you too, Skip, so very much. Sometimes I am so scared. I wake up in the middle of the night, scared that you and Billy, and all of this, will just disappear."
"It won't."
"How can you be sure?"
"Because I love you."
He kissed me again, passionately, sincerely. "Because I love you, Aaron."
I put my hand behind his head and pulled him back to my lips.
"I owe you so much. I cannot imagine my life had we never met."
"It would be a different life, but you would have touched someone, even one. It would be enough."
"Touch me," I said. "Be inside of me and love me."
He picked me up, took me to a secluded spot, entered me, and loved me for a half hour.
"I'm still thinking about the first time I ever saw you, love," Skip said. "I wanted to know you so badly."
"Why didn't you speak to me, back then? It was weeks before we really started talking."
"I was worried that I'd come on too strong. Jason had told me your history. He said you didn't want anyone. One loss was enough."
"But you could have talked to me. Friendship means so much to me."
"I know that now. I should have. But I also wanted more than talk."
"You got it, and then some."
"I have you to love, and even greater love in return. I did imagine us doing just this, but I never would have told you that."
"I remember that I had an embarrassing erection. You liked that about me."
"I liked a lot of things about you, but I really did like your cock standing straight out. You let me take care of you."
"You're still doing it, over four years later. I guess I'm not so bad after all."
"No. You are unique and a special somebody. You give to me the sound of `I love you' and I know you mean it."
"I do."
"I'm overwhelmed by you, all of the time. When I leave for work in the morning, I know you are my reward at the other end of my day. I know what being scared feels like, but love rules out, so I'm not scared, at least not as intently as I have been in the past."
"The fear isn't going to win out over me either, love. You in my arms, and in my heart, is going to keep me safe. Even when I die, I'll know, at my last breath, that I had been loved."
He wiped a tear off my cheek with his thumb. He kissed me more. "I'm coming, love." He gave me his load, sealing our love yet again.
"Did you save some for me?" asked Billy, sitting quietly beside us.
"Yes, love. Come and be inside me. Your bro left you some lube."
Billy entered me smoothly, all at once. Skip lay to my right as Billy made love to me. The brothers kissed each other, and then kissed me. Billy took his time until he could hold off no longer.
"You haven't come yet, love," Billy said.
"Let me help then," said Michael, walking hand in hand with Will and Sam. David held the boys from behind. "Can I be inside you, love?"
"Yes, love, that would be so nice."
Michael entered me just as Billy had done, smoothly and all at once. He kissed me sweetly and our worlds merged, pushing everything else away. It was so nice to feel my young man inside of me.
"Can I share, Aaron," said Will very softly, almost inaudibly.
"You want to love me too, bro?" I asked.
"Yeah. I know it's ..."
"Sshhhh, you can love me my bro. Okay with you Michael?"
"Yeah. I want to stay hard though, so can I be inside of you Will?"
"Yeah. Sounds hot, really."
Will entered me as he had seen Michael do. Michael then entered Will, hugging him close. He looked so sadly at me that I almost cried.
"I love you, Will. You will always be so special. The needful want to be loved, and you will be. Don't be sad."
"I'm not sad for me. I'm okay. You're not, and I don't know if you ever will be."
"I will be. The cancer will die. I'll walk again, some day. If I never do, it won't matter, because I'll have you to love too."
"I'm not going to be able to hold off, Aaron. It's too good."
"Slide inside all the way and stay there for a few minutes. I don't want you to come yet."
He did. Michael stopped also, holding his buddy close. He turned Will's head to kiss him. David, Sam, and Billy were in the water, letting us have our moments.
Will moved inside of me from time to time.
"You okay?"
"Oh yeah. This is sweet. Is this a one-shot time?"
"What do you think? And what do you want?"
"To be able to make love to you again, some day."
"Then you may."
I was very hard, which felt awesome. Will pulled out of me while Michael stayed inside of him. He asked if he could get me off. I nodded. He lay between my legs and sucked me until I filled his mouth with my cum. He licked it all up, swallowed, and then cleaned me up. He then got back inside of me and made the sweetest love to me, well beyond his expertise and age.
"Oh my, love, you are so beautiful. I can't even cry because all I feel is the highest amount of love for you."
With that, he kissed me and came inside of me while Michael came inside of him. We lay together for a long while. The boys then lightened us a lot by picking me up and throwing me into Long Island Sound.
After a few minutes, I did not see Will. I assumed that he had gone underwater, but I kept an eye out. After a few more minutes, Billy came up from underwater beside me.
"Did you see Will down there?"
"No," he said, looking around.
He dove back down and swam around for several minutes.
"He not in the water."
David overheard us. "Who?"
"Will. I haven't seen him."
David looked all around. He spotted Will sitting under a tree. He was hugging his legs to his chest.
"I see him. He looks upset."
"Michael?"
"I see him. I'll go to him."
Michael got out of the water and walked quickly over to Will. He asked him something. Will looked up and shook his head. He hugged himself tightly. Michael sat down and kissed Will, holding on to him across his back, and taking one hand into his. They continued to talk. Will was obviously upset. He hugged Michael and put his face into Michael's neck. Michael motioned for me to come to them.
David picked me up and brought me over to them, and then left us alone again.
"I'm sorry, Aaron. It turned out to be too overwhelming to ... to make love to you. I'm sorry. I should not have."
"Because of you? Because of Michael?"
"No. Because of you. I was so into it. But you couldn't feel me, could you? You have no feeling from the waist down? It's not just your legs?"
"My love, I feel. It's just different than you feel."
"It was selfish. If you can't feel your legs, I should have known you cannot feel anything, including me inside of you. That's one way love. Hell, that's one way sex, and I can't do that."
"It was not selfish, and it was far from one way. You inside of me made you feel good at the time. You inside of me makes me feel special. A young guy wanting to be with the likes of me?"
"What do you mean by that?"
"I'm older, by more than a little."
"But Aaron, `the likes of you' is heart and soul. I don't see a 30-something guy. I see a friend."
"So love me as a friend and don't feel bad about how I feel, or don't. I do feel. Look, love, I meant everything I said. I do not like to be and I cannot be insincere. I'd rather die than hurt you for ANY reason. I feel with my heart, Will. If you feel pleasure inside of me, I feel pleasure at giving you that. I see your eyes and I know you love me back. That's the feeling I feel. It's wonderful."
"But ..."
I pulled him to me. He cried very hard. It hurt him that it really was one way, and I could not convince him otherwise. I would in time, but not today, maybe. I let him cry it out. Michael left us alone too. I shook my head when he stood up. He made a hugging motion with his arms, telling me to take care of Will.
"Lay me down, love. Enter me again."
"I can't."
"Yeah you can."
I was massaging his cock and he was responding. Young men do. Physical over emotional. "Look."
He looked at his cock.
"No, Aaron. It's not right."
"When you fall, Will, you should get back up again. I do. I really want you to know that this is good for us both. What did I say about feeling?"
"That you feel with your heart. You feel love because it's from me."
"Help me get off again. I like it, and I like you to feel differently too. It's not sex, bro. 1% lust. You're allowed that. Right now I'm up to about 50%, but that's the animal part of me. Skip and Billy have it too. We acknowledge that sometimes. I want you, Will."
He thought about it for a few minutes. I gave him time. He took my hand.
"Okay, Aaron. I do understand. I do want you as much, honestly."
He lay me down gently. He moistened his hand with spit, lubed up his cock, and slid inside of me again like the first time. He gave me his cock and he gave me his heart. I took both, but I took his heart more. I could not feel his cock, but I did not need to. His need overruled mine, and getting rid of his tears was first. I put my fingers lightly on either side of his cock as it slid into me. He was rock hard. I felt every long inch slide in, and then I felt his balls against my ass.
"Okay love?" I asked him.
"This time for sure. You're so cool, Aaron. I told you that it's so easy to love you. I'm not the only one who says that. You show your heart to the world."
"And what about you, love?"
"I'm a good guy."
I laughed aloud. "Yes, Will, you are a good guy. Can I tell you that I love you?"
"Yes."
"I love you, Will. Everything about you is good and kind. Are you selfish?"
"Well, maybe 1%."
"Then we belong together, my friend. My love. You are one of my boys and I will have a heart for you for my whole life."
"I feel something that I can't explain, though. I feel as much love for Michael right now as I do for you. How can a person love two so intimately, but identically?"
"Is it a conscious decision?"
"No. I just feel."
"Like I feel, love. Are you getting what I mean now?"
"I think so. Loving you is not going to take anything away from Michael. And loving Michael just enhances how I love you, because he loves you too, and you love him back. It's circular."
"Ta da!!! Brilliant, love. Absolutely outstanding."
"I gotta come, Aaron. It's too good, all of this, not just my dick. Unnhhhh. Unnnnhhhh."
He begins puffing and bucking his hips, unloading into me. I'd guess that this load is better than his last one, because it was not just getting off on physical sex. The emotions went with it, every one that he could possibly feel. When he was done, he stayed inside of me. He put his forehead to mine, and then eventually kissed me.
"It's circular," he said, smiling at me, very happy. He smothered me in kisses. "I'm not going to be sad anymore for you, Aaron. You are sincere that you feel differently. You feel deeply. I know you want me to feel pleasure, and that you feel FOR my pleasure."
"You `get me', love. I'm very pleased, and I'm so proud of you."
"I cannot imagine loving you more than I do, so now it becomes love for a lifetime. When you're gone, I will walk in the world for you. I won't be sad, because you're timeless."
"And when you go home?"
"You will be with me every day. Love is not gender, but love is also not limited to where I am. I will think about you every day. I will do well in school and show you my grades. I need to have you proud of me, because my parents never were. I get A's and B's, but no pride. Wanting that was dumb."
"You should always ..."
"... please myself first. I know. I love that I am a good student. Those B's will become higher B's, or even A's because I want Michael and I to go to a good school and to make something very good of our lives."
"Then you will. I won't tell you to be brilliant, because you are. Stay brilliant. Challenge yourself. Feel good about you and your new buddy. Is it going to be hard to go home and leave Michael behind?"
"Nope. I'll miss him, but there is a good feeling in missing someone. I'll miss you, but I won't be sad. Same for Michael. We'll talk a couple times a week. I will call you too, when my adoption is official."
"It's about as official now as it will be in a few weeks. The piece of paper makes it final, but the love that Joan and Walt have for you is better than that paper. They are your parents now. They were your parents the moment Jon brought you home from that alley. He brought you to a home, not to another house. You will never be hit again, and you will be loved every day."
"The same way I'll love you. You will be on my mind a lot."
"I'm honored."
"Hey, you just came again," he said to me.
"Yeah, I know. It's what you do to me."
He leaned down to my belly and licked up my fresh cum. He did not realize that he was playing with my dick. I kept him distracted, but I let it feel good for me. He took my cock into his mouth and cleaned me up.
"I will never doubt you again, Aaron. I won't ever go away to be alone and sad. I will talk to Jon and Jeff, or ... mom and dad when I don't feel right."
"The first time you call them mom and dad, be prepared for an onslaught of hugs. It will make them very happy for you to put them into your heart so nicely."
"I already have them there. They don't know it yet. They will soon enough though. Dad held me when I cried, when I was talking to you on the phone. It was not a half hug, or just his hand on my shoulder. He gave me a full hug and kissed my forehead. It was the first time I had felt love so sincere. I know parents love their kids when they are young, but my parents took me for granted as I got older. I lived in their house. I know it should be enough to have a roof over my head, but it's not. I felt safer in the alley than in my house. No one knew where I was and I could not be hit anymore."
"You never hit him back."
"I wanted to, but then I couldn't lower myself to his level. A coward hits his son. I did nothing to deserve being hit."
"Define hit. Open handed?"
"Sometimes. Across the back of my head, or across my face, hard. Never for a reason, other than a label."
"Did he ever draw blood, or hit you with his fist?"
"Yes. Both."
"Who else knows that?"
"My mother. She told him not to, nice and mousy. He'd hit her too if she wasn't careful. I told Jon and Jeff, and showed them bruises."
"Bruises? Plural?"
He pulled aside his shirt. There were faint purple markings on his chest, just below his throat. There was one in the middle of his chest."
"If he ever touches you again, you go to Joan or Walt. Have them take you to a doctor immediately. You have that doctor call the police. I doesn't matter if it hurts right then. He's hurting you, with intent. Hurt him back, worse."
"Okay. I'm not going back to that house again. But he could come looking for me."
"Don't ever be alone with him. If the boys aren't around you, make a hell of a scene. Make it known your father is not to be near you. You could also get a restraining order, but it's not 100% protection. If he wants to find you, he will. Make a noise, love, a hell of a noise."
"I can."
"Does he own a gun?"
"No. Well, not that I've seen, but my mother wouldn't have one in the house. Maybe in the garage."
"If he approaches you, tell the police that you think he has a gun, whether you believe it or not. Ask for a search warrant. It could be legal, but I would put nothing past him."
"Do I make stuff up?"
"No. But if he wants to harm you, he can. Be paranoid, but don't lie."
"I understand. This is another reason I can love you so much. Again, your heart is right out there for me to see. Your mind is always working."
"If it's to save a life, you bet. He could shoot you in the back. If he's more determined, he could shoot you in the head. Know who and what is around you at all times. If you feel unsafe, ever, run home. Or run for help. If he hurts you, ever, I'm going to kill him. That's no brag."
"I believe you. But don't live in fear for me either. I'm a bit street smart. I don't know a young guy these days who is not."
I brought him back into my arms. I kissed his cheek and I held on to him for a long while. He let me.
At bedtime I kissed Will, David, Michael, and Sam goodnight. They spooned each other and fell into an easy sleep while I sat and watched them. Skip came to bring to me bed later.
"I want to stay with them. Well, mostly for Will. And for me. He had a rough afternoon, so I want him to see me if he wakes up early, or when he wakes up in the morning. I can sleep okay in the chair."
Skip thought for a moment and then knelt beside the bed. He gently extracted Sam out of bed. He held him for a minute, carefully. Sam was first in line, with Will next, then Michael, and then David against the wall. It was tight quarters but they wanted it just that way. Will stirred but did not wake up. Skip took Sam to our room without waking him, putting him in front of Billy, who spooned him automatically in his sleep. Skip came back to put me in Will's arms. I faced him and then kissed him. I lay quietly.
"I love you, Aaron," he said sleepily.
He kissed me lightly. He was asleep before I could tell him. He knew. He always will. I will still tell him, because it is important not to assume.
In the morning, David was the second to wake. He raised his head after seeing me in Sam's place. I made the hush signal with my finger. Michael and Will were still sleeping. David climbed carefully to the bottom of his bed. He came around and picked me up carefully.
"Let's get you to the bathroom and a shower, okay love?" he whispered.
I nodded. Aaron not Langille had installed safety bars in the bathrooms for me. I held on while David washed me thoroughly.
"While you're down there," I said.
David smiled up at me and then took my cock into his mouth. He probed inside of my hole, hitting my joy buzzer. I was nearly hard in a few minutes. He stood up and then slid his hole over my cock.
"Subtle," I said, laughing.
"Have you tried to fuck your buds recently?"
"Nope. I don't stay hard enough."
"We'll see," he said.
He slid slowly up and down my shaft, squeezing his hole when he pulled off me slightly. He put his hands on his thighs and patiently fucked himself on my dick. I felt my cock tingle. I was impressively hard, harder than when he first slid onto me.
"Feels good, love. What were you saying about staying hard? You got my ass tingling like mad."
"I guess it's my loss when I tell the boys I can't fuck. I got tingling too, probably half the normal, but good enough.
"Oh yeah, way good enough."
David kept riding me. I felt my cock get wet, so I looked.
"I came, bro."
"Yeah, I know. I worked hard for that, love. Aaron's load up my tight ass, ahhhh sweet!"
"My turn?" I asked.
"You want The Beast?"
"Ohhhh yeahhhh!"
David laid me on my back on the floor, with towels under me. He did not hesitate a moment in entering me. The only way I would not feel The Beast is if I had gone to the Great Beyond. Since I was still in the Great Here and Now, it was just fantastic. Eleven hard inches and very thick. Yowsa!
"Sam is never going to leave you, you know. Not just because of your hot dick, but you know how it is."
"Yeah, Sam loves me, loves my cock. I think in that order, but now that I think about it."
"Nah, don't think about it. Of course he loves your cock, loves you."
I smirked. He almost missed it. He smiled and then leaned down to kiss me.
He long-dicked me for a good fifteen minutes, making sure I was enjoying this.
"Man, I love you inside of me. Not only that ..."
"... you love me too."
"Am I that transparent?"
"Yes."
"Oh no, I'm fading away!" I joked.
"No bro, you are very real. Your greed is epic though. Not selfish, just greedy. Good thing I can fill that need of greed."
"Fill my ass, then love. But I want your load in my mouth."
When he was ready to come, he fucked me nice and deep a few more strokes. His cock went from my hole to my mouth in a second. He came in the middle part of my mouth and on my tongue. I swallowed and went back for more. When he was done, I deep-throated him as best I could and sucked all the dribbles of cum off his long thick cock.
"Yum!" I said as I lay my head back on the floor. He lie on top of me and kissed me deeply.
"And how about you, Aaron. What order does that work in for you?"
"Love you, love your cock, love you more."
"Mr. Diplomacy. You'd make a terrible politician though because of the lying and sincerity thing. Don't tell the poli-sci guys I said that though. I'd be disowned, and I love them too much."
David picked me up and returned me to his bedroom. He laid me in front of Will. I kissed him as he looked up at me, and then leaned over him to kiss Michael. Sam came in and then climbed into bed between the two boys.
"I see I got displaced overnight," he said to me. "Looks like our buddy is good to go today, huh Will?"
"I am. I thought that Aaron ended up with me, but I wondered if I was dreaming."
"Depends on what you think of me, bro," I said.
"Well, you are a dream. I like that you are real just right though. Can't love a dream like I can love you."
That earned him a kiss. Heck, I kissed all the boys. They earned that each day. It felt so nice to be part of these boys. I doubt that outsiders could ever understand that I can and do love these boys all the same way—equally. Only Skip and Billy stand above them, equally together. And not by much, either. It does no good to doubt me, and it will not change how I feel. No, I cannot love one. I can love many, and I can love them deeply. None of the boys lacks anything from me or Skip or Billy. They too love them so deeply. I know they think about them a lot when we are apart, and thoroughly enjoys their company when we are together.
Skip took me back to the guest room and helped me get dressed. We went downstairs to find breakfast just getting under way.
"Okay Mom and Dad," I said. "You two grab your favorite breakfast drink and go outside. The kitchen is ours this morning."
I took over making the pancakes on the griddle. Sam cut up some watermelon and cantaloupe. David took care of bacon. Skip poached eggs and put them on English muffins that Will toasted. Billy poured juice and milk. Michael took plates down from the cupboard and silverware from the drawer. He took them outside.
We ate and talked about anything interesting to talk about. The weather was great so we boys decided to give the parents their quiet time while we went to Mystic for the day. Kate said she would make a strawberry rhubarb pie, or two. Oh boy!
After dinner, and before dessert, Sam sat with Will at his PC. He connected to the bank's web site and showed Will and Michael what was already in their fund.
"Wow, a $20,000 opening deposit! How generous."
"Here's something you don't know, love. It's from your new parents and the B&B association. The members of the ten inns that Aaron and Skip skied to last winter sent Aaron the check."
"My God! And there's over $80,000 in the fund. For Michael too?" asked Will.
"If his folks will allow me to," Sam answered, looking at Michael. "I want to give you something. Your profile doesn't fit Will's, but it's my responsibility to help the needful, and you are needful. I know your cancer made a big dent in your parent's resources. You have nothing to worry about, Michael."
"Thanks, Sam. Aaron and Skip have told me about `pay it forward' and you bet I will. I know Andrew matched about $9,000 of his team's donations too. Doubling an effort like that is awesome. Someday, I will do the same for another Sam or Will. Hate may not die, but I'm going to do my part for a needful boy. Turns out that Will really was, as Aaron's journals say, crying alone. In an alley, no less, homeless and dirty. Your loss is now our opportunity, right love?"
Will nodded. He hugged both Sam and Michael. "You guys leave me no reason to be sad. I started to have a better life the minute Jon and Jeff took me home."
"Home?"
"Yeah. A real home. I am loved there, and cared for too."
"In my new home, too, love. I'm glad you're here."
We settled into bed by 11:30. David, Michael, Sam and Will, in that order, got into David's bed, holding each other tightly. Skip put me between him and Billy. They kissed me until we were too tired to do more than sleep.
The next week was full. Michael returned home on Monday so he could go back to work. Two chemo sessions, basketball on the Boston Common, quiet time at the Public Garden, time in Cambridge, Jimmy coming on Monday to meet Will, Will going to work with Skip (and showing off building skills that were as good as his art skills—shop in high school), and breakfasts, lunches, or dinners with Jillian.
I was sick from chemo so I could not eat. However, I could cook. Will held my head through four nausea sessions. I called Andrew to tell him I was puking up a storm.
"I can increase the dose of the anti-emetic again. I'm sorry you're so sick, love. I'll come by in a while with an injection for you. I can also leave some syringes for you, and show the boys how to give you injections to back off the nausea."
Andrew arrived within a half hour. He brought a dozen spare syringes filled with my anti-emetic. He talked Billy through how to inject me in my hip. The nausea backed off in about five minutes. I felt human again.
On Friday, we headed north to New Hampshire. We introduced Will to Betsy and JD over Friday night lasagna, which I had made on Thursday. The folks gave Will warm hugs, not from any pity, but from the true love that is within them. They made him feel welcome. He relaxed enough that he felt free to go to the fridge for a milk refill without asking someone to get it for him, or even asking permission, other than raising his glass and giving eyes. That is what Betsy and JD do for people in their home. You are family when you are in their home, and you leave full, with leftovers, and an invitation to come back.
Billy brought Will and me to my place later in the evening. He wanted to spend the weekend in my home, which I try to make as welcoming. He put his clothes away in the top drawer of the dresser in the guest room, as he had done in Boston. Billy threw me over his shoulder and we took Will on the complete tour. He was impressed that I loved to read so much, and my collection included a fair few of his favorite authors.
We spent the evening cuddling. Skip took me upstairs later. Will yawned, snuggling up beside me in bed. Skip and Billy were off to Billy's for the night.
"Can I hold you until you go to sleep, Aaron?"
"Mmmm, I'd like that. You can stay with me, bro."
"Maybe. You'll know in the morning," he said.
He gave me no clue as to his intentions, other than holding me and easing me into sleep. I felt him kiss my neck lightly. He told me he loves me. Those are my favorite final words to hear at the end of the day. Also at the beginning of the next.
I woke up to find Will watching me. He smiled and then kissed my forehead.
"Good morning, bro. I love you, Aaron. A lot."
"I love you, Will, very much. You stayed with me?" I asked.
"No. I was going to, but I got antsy and was tossing around a bit. I didn't want to wake you, so I went to the guest room. I came back a little while ago."
"Antsy because of something I've done?"
"No, love. I like holding you a lot. I miss Michael. I would not have believed that it was so easy to fall in love. It's not just beyond the 1% lust. I'm not horny. I want to make love to him, but mostly I want to hold him and be held by him. He's gorgeous, bro. He makes my heart skip beats. I'm sad for what he's been through, how terribly sick he must have been."
"The part about skipping beats I understand. I have two boys out at school who do the same thing to me, though I don't love them quite as you love Michael. He was terribly sick, but he also faced up to his surgery very bravely. He's been okay since then, `cept for getting hard. You can call him when he's home. You'll make his day."
"Nice. People say long distance relationships don't work."
"Do you believe that?"
"I dunno. I don't want to. It could be a hard couple of years until we're university age."
"It won't be. First, we could bring him to see you for Christmas, when Skip and I go back to Nova Scotia and PEI. I bet his parents would miss him, but they'd be happy that he was going to see you."
"Would you really do that?"
"Yes. And you could spend any part of next summer in Boston, or here. He could come on weekends or when he gets a week off. I suspect his folks would let you spend time at their house, even if he had to work."
"Okay then. It's too far ahead to think about. Making plans is too weird for me. I can barely handle living today sometimes. Everything else is out of my hands."
"Are you hungry?"
"Yeah. Do you want to shower first?"
"Nah. Let's go eat. Hmmm, are you okay with carrying me downstairs?"
"Hmmm, yes. Otherwise you get breakfast in bed and I'd be terribly jealous."
He picked me up as if I weighed about ten pounds.
"Geez, love, this makes me more sad than Michael. How much do you weigh?"
"Just under 90 pounds last I knew."
"Shit. You should weigh, what, 170?"
"No worries, love. Andrew is working on it. He loves me too."
"Who doesn't?" he said, quiet seriously, like it was a given.
"Many, which is my loss. I have this God complex to be loved and sexed."
He laughed aloud.
"Wha-aat? Don't you have a God complex?"
"No. Neither do you. I'll accept the `loved' but hardly accept the `sexed'."
"Hey, old men can be horny too."
"You're not old either. 30-somethings are purely sexy to gay boys like me."
"Label!"
"I'm gay, whether you like the label or not. Not liking the label is not about denying who you are. Just reject other's ability to limit you."
"I'm thoroughly impressed by you, Will. I do hate the label, because the label allows the homophobes to hate. I've been asked if I'm gay or bi. I tell them that I'm not a label. That's the only answer I will ever give. Let `em judge me all they want, or let `em kill me and martyr me. Killing gays will make people incensed after a while, especially when it hits too close to home, which it will happen someday. A father and mother's son killed just for being gay. That's insanity. The same thing happened in our country decades ago when the blacks were beat up and killed. People finally had enough. I will tolerate any kind of person out there except a stupid one."
"Whoa boy, down. You're preaching to the choir here."
I felt the heat rise in my head. Will didn't even push the button—I did.
"I'm fed up with this `hey you're a fag' bullshit. I'm not a fag. I'm a living, breathing, loving man who will do almost anything, even for the fag haters, except to stand beside them. I will send one of them to college if I can, and hold them when they hurt. How is that being a goddamned fag? I want to know!!"
"Aaron! Aaron, calm down, love. You can't change the world overnight, or even in a couple of years. Do what you do, one person at a time."
It took a few minutes to catch my breath. Will had set me down in my wheelchair near the fridge. I opened it and started pulling out juice and milk. Will took them from me and set them on the counter. He brought cereal out of the pantry, and bowls from the cupboard. I took spoons out of the drawer. He brought glasses to the table.
"I'm sorry love. Geez I'm scary sometimes."
"No, not scary. A man on a mission. And a good and kind man on top of all of that. Someday, Aaron. People may not know what you do, but I will. I'll do it too, for someone else's well-being, not my own."
I nodded. My blood pressure must have been high because my head hurt a bit. I could get myself angry thinking about cruelty because there was so little I could do that stopped it. But I did calm down. Will was right. There are no instant answers and no overnight cures. One person at a time, and I already knew we could do that.
Skip and Billy came after breakfast to take us out for fresh air, to do errands, window-shop at the mall, have a light lunch and ice cream, and get makings for dinner.
"Oh boy, hot times in the old town today, huh Will? Not exactly life in the fast lane today."
"I love this. This is normal life. If you only knew how un-normal my life has been for years, you would see that I thrive on this. Nova Scotia isn't exactly a hot spot either, even Halifax. I need normal."
"Good, because so do I. I love Boston a lot, but coming home every now and then is necessary. There has been a lot of love making for us three here, and some very sweet memories from that."
"That's what I want to do with Michael. Make memories. When my life is over, I want to be happy, not sad that I'm going to die."
"Amen. I'd like to believe we live on, but I dunno ..."
"You, Aaron Langille, are immortal," Will said. "Look at that stack of journals in your living room. I know what you're going to do with them some day."
"Oh?"
"Publish them on the Internet, in special places, so people will know about us."
"I hadn't really planned on that, but I guess it's possible."
"No just possible. Necessary and important. Erase the hate, Aaron, because you'll save even one life. There's another Sam out there, and another me, many more of us, really."
"I need to improve my writing skills a lot, then."
"You read, and I had a teacher tell me that readers make better writers. Don't make words, Aaron. Make it moving. Show the world the hearts of your boys."
"Okay, bro. Because you think I can. I do like the idea of writing. I can use my word processing software for more than just school work for a change."
We spent the evening out under the stars. Celine Dion sang from my stereo speakers. I no longer had to put them in the window. JD had wired speakers for the patio and walkway, under the eaves. Billy held Will. I held Skip. We kept our hearts among ourselves tonight because we four are special to each other. All my sadness about Will was gone. He is so bright. I love that he has fallen in love with Michael, and that Michael has fallen in love with Will.
"What's up, bro?" said Skip, touching my leg.
I was moving my legs as if I had ants in my pants.
"Are you feeling your legs more, love? Skip asked.
"Yeah. Tingling and a bit of burning. Like they want to be taken for a walk."
"Well let's take them for a walk."
I moved to the edge of the lounge chair. He held on to my shoulders while he stood up and then came around in front of me.
"Hmmm, interesting place to stand, bro," I said, looking at eye level and then looking up at him. He was smiling.
"Later. First you need to earn it a bit."
He knelt down in front of me and I put my hands on his shoulders. He stood and brought me with him. I held him but he did not hold me, which is the usual way. He stepped back and I stepped forward. I let go of his shoulders.
"Careful, love," he said.
"I've been careful too long, bro. Stand behind me in case I fall. I'm going to take as many steps as I can, until I really do fall. No guts, no glory, and I'm tired of four or five steps. I gotta walk."
Sigh.
I gave him eyebrows in return for that sigh.
"Okay, okay," I hear you, love. Warn me when you're gonna tumble though, huh?"
Billy and Will pulled the chairs aside, giving me the full run of the back yard. I was going to use as much of it as I could. The urge to take off and run was so strong. Damn! I walked to the edge of the grass and held the fence with one hand. I could be stubborn, but it was hard for me to be totally insane. I held the fence while I took step after slow step. I made five and then turned left, a bit wobbly. Skip stepped forward one step. I looked at him.
"Have faith in me, love. If I'm going to fall, I'll tell you. Maybe. Falling is good. Getting back on one's feet is better."
"Rah!" echoed from the peanut gallery of Billy and Will.
"You sure he's only 36?" said Will. "Man, he's so wise."
"And from Earth, too," said Billy.
"Staggers the mind," Will said.
"Shush! I can't hear myself struggle here."
The boys all cracked up.
"Go Aaron. You rock, love," said Skip.
I continued to hold the fence wall as I took slow steps, but complete steps, forward. Walking meant walking, not shuffling along. I was tired in no time. Feh on tired. Tired is for wimps. Well, not really, but you know ... I had work to do first. Tired could come later. I put my left hand on my hip, rubbing it to loosen it up. I had on my ankle braces as per Andrew's orders, so the ankles were okay. I walked the entire length of the back fence, about 15 feet. The patio was in front of me, an obstacle to be sure. I turned around and walked back to the far corner, that same 15 feet. It took twice as long. The boys did not care. I turned right, going back to where I started, about eight feet ahead. I wobbled badly but held my ground. I put my right hand up to make Skip back off again. I took six more steps and then collapsed into a heap on the grass. I rolled over onto my back and laughed up at the sky like a crazy man.
"Whoooooo! Hot damn I did it. Take that you damned Maniacal Dystrophy. You took my mom, but I'll kick you in the ass and like it!"
I lay there panting, gasping for air. The boys sat down all around me and touched my chest and belly. They leaned in in turn and kissed me warmly, starting with Will.
"15, 15, 8, 8 and 6. What's that add up to, love?" I said, looking at him.
"52, Aaron. A blessed 52. Good on you bro, that was just brilliant."
"You rock my world, love," said Billy. "I'm humbled yet again. With attitude yet—`I can't hear myself struggle here'. That was awesome."
Skip pulled me up and held me tight, his left arm behind me, his right hand wiping a ton of sweat off my face. He pulled off his t-shirt to clean me up.
"Are you done?"
"Oh yeah. I can't walk. The legs are done, but it had to be done, so I'm done."
"Strangely enough, I understood that. Come one love, I'll get you into a hot bath."
We returned to Boston one Sunday late afternoon as August showed up on the calendar. Boston was hot and muggy, something that Will was not used to. We did stuff in the morning, leaving to go out when Skip went to work. In the heat of the day, we stayed in my surprising cool but non-air conditioned apartment. The cross breeze was nice. I did homework while Will sketched. When he was done, he showed me Betsy and JD, lifelike as all the others.
"You still amaze me, love. A short weekend with the folks, and you got them perfectly. Is it for them?"
"Yeah. How can we send it to them?"
"When we go out later, or tomorrow, we can get a mailing tube at the post office. My guess is Betsy will frame it and hang it up in their living room. Now I have a request. We want your sketch too. Can you?"
He got up and went to the mirror, checking out his current features. He looked himself over critically for a couple of minutes. He sat in the oversized chair and drew for twenty-five minutes. He went back to the mirror one more time, did a bit of cleanup as usual, and then closed the sketchpad.
"Uh uh, no you don't. Gimme."
He reluctantly handed it over. I opened it and saw his identical twin staring out at me.
"You're beautiful, love. Best yet, you're honest with yourself. There's no ego in here, just you. It's going up on that wall," I said, pointing to the brickwork between two tall windows.
"I'm pretty cool. I like me. I like you too." He kissed me and we snuggled until the boys got home.
Two weeks into August, we took Will to another Red Sox game. Chicago was in town. Not as good as the Yankees blowout, but the game was close the whole time and the Sox won by one. That was pretty much my favorite type of baseball game. Winning by two or three was my favorite type of basketball game, especially NCAA. World Cup soccer rounded up the top three sports. Football was mind-numbing to me. Golf was okay, but not for sport, and not for watching on TV.
That same weekend, we had Michael with us again. We took the boys out on a whale watch. It was about the best day of the summer for us. The boys asked for another opportunity to be together alone one afternoon. Summer was winding down and they wanted to make love before Will got aboard the Amtrak again on Sunday morning. There was no sadness in parting. We had a very good five weeks together, and we would be bringing Michael to the inn for two weeks at Christmas.
After Will returned home, we got an oversized tube in the mail. In it was a large colored ink and pencil drawing of Skip, Billy, and me, as drawn by Will. The boys were beautiful. All I needed was 90 pounds and hair. Short of that, I was quite striking, in a non-egomaniacal way. Thank you, Dad, for being a decent looking man, and thanks, Mom, for being a pretty girl who stole his heart.
We took the portrait to a framing shop that Saturday morning. We hung it on the wall above the fireplace when we were in Boston. When we were home, it hung above Betsy and JD's fireplace.
As summer turned into late August, I was spending my days at Boston Common, in everything but hard rain, walking. My basketball pals Tony, Eric, Jim, Mark, and Jon, plus Billy all lined up to get me from point A to point B. It was hard. My legs hurt badly. I fell about a quarter of the time. I told the guys to let me drop. The reward was in the getting up again, which I did. You fall, you get up. That is what you do. Get mad as hell and stand up at least, if you can't take a step forward. No steps backward, ever, because just standing is good enough. Wobble in place if you must. Then take one step and fuck the adversity. Adversity is opportunity. There is someone out there far worse off than you and I are, and there always will be. I was one of them at one time, near death after a drunk driver broke me physically and emotionally.
On the plus side of my life, I'm rejecting Billy's kidney, but the kidney is functioning. I'm minus another one, technically a spare part that God gave me. I can grow tumors like nobody's business. Andrew can kill them. I can walk. I can feel pain, which I'd rather do than feel nothing. I can love VERY profoundly, and I can be loved back. Which one is more important? Neither—just caring about someone is enough joy in anyone's day. It's easy enough to find someone to care about. There are Sam's and Will's and Michael's all over God's creation.
How did we find those who needed help? Easier in a larger city, but doable anywhere. I cultivated a friend at the local police precinct, at Government Center. His name is Jordan. He has enough rank to get things done, with help. He would help me and I would try to make his job easier.
"I'm fighting a couple of things," I said to him when he sat me down at his desk. "I have cancer, which means I have time on my hands, and I can't lie around and give in to sickness. My idle time is ten minutes a day, seriously. I've met two young men, who society labels as gay and unacceptable to live, who have been thrown away by their families. One was bullied beyond that, but he's a better man than both you and I put together."
"Aaron, you're not fighting a couple of things. You're fighting serious illness on top of attitudes that do not like to be bent. Either one of those is enough to take on. I'm surprised you have ten minutes a day. You should be running a deficit. Obviously the police department does not want to see gay bashings and bullying of anybody. Keeping the peace is a hard job, but I want to partner up with you. You're the ideal that I had in mind when I became a cop nine years ago."
"Technically I'm gay. It limits me."
"Technically I'm straight. It limits me too."
"Sure, but you're accepted and I'm not."
"I am, as are you except by the closed-minded. The closed-minded are missing something, so I pity them more than I would pity you."
"I hate pity, so don't waste any on me. I hate the closed-minded as much, and I don't waste my time on them. To hate me because I love a man like Skip is beyond closed-minded. I already told you I have cancer. The homophobes would rather I be dead? Fuck `em."
"Easy, Aaron. I'm on your side. I'm not homophobic. A few of my brethren here are, but we teach tolerance and diversity. The world is not generic. A good cop serves the community, not his own self-interests. You live in the West End and are a part of the community that I service. I'd like to meet Skip one day. Do you think he'd mind?"
"Nope, he wouldn't. I'd say come to dinner, but that sounds ..."
"I'm a growing boy and I would enjoy dinner."
"You like Italian? Lasagna specifically?"
"Yes and yes, specifically."
"I need at least 24 hours' notice. One day to make the sauce and to cure overnight."
"How about Sunday? Wine or dessert?"
"Yeah. An appetite, too."
"It's nice to sit and talk to you, Aaron. My day is better for having spent time with you."
"Thank you, Jordan. I can definitely say the same. If you can find the troubled, my mates and I will help them have a better life."
"Come by next week, huh? Let's do this regularly."
I met up with Billy at City Hall plaza, about a block away. He was sitting in the sun. I filled him in on the past hour. He was very pleased. Skip will be as well. Our mission moves forward, with blessings of those who can really help. Jordan will meet with his team and help them understand us. Yet another reason to really love Boston.
Jordan arrived on Sunday just as I took the lasagna out of the oven. Skip showed Jordan in, and then introduced him to Billy.
"Dinner needs about fifteen minutes before I can cut it, so let's sit for a bit. I didn't tell you at the station, but Billy makes us three."
We explained in detail about our history. Jordan accepted, asked questions, showed concern, and laughed with us.
"And your legs?"
"Getting better. I'm hoping for restored mobility by Christmas. We want to go back to Canada to ski."
"Seems like a long time. With the progress you're making, maybe sooner."
"Maybe sooner. I live in hope, of course."
"I'm impressed with you all, guys. It's not love like I'd ever expected to hear, but you three really are quite beautiful, if I can use that word."
"You can. We're humble and loveable."
Jordan laughed aloud. We had dinner, drank a quality French wine, talked about everything interesting to talk about, and then went out to the rooftop deck for a couple of hours. It was getting late and even a cop does not enjoy being out on the streets at night, so Jordan said goodnight. He gave us each a warm hug, happy to have spent a good afternoon and evening with us. Next time, he would introduce us to his wife.
I would see him again on Wednesday, and we would make a regular schedule of it. He offered to be with me on chemo either Tuesday or Thursday if I needed him. I would take him up on the offer because it was sincere. I told him what it was like, yet it did not scare him away.
I saw Jordan again on Wednesday at the station and he then met me on Thursday for afternoon chemo. He had no problem putting up a fight about joining Andrew and me in the inner office while Andrew did the injections.
"Okay, Aaron, you need to get your mind off this stuff. Look at me."
It was obvious to him that I hated and even dreaded this part of chemo. I did hate it and I did dread it. It was painful. The drugs burned intensely as they were injected. Jordan took my hand and kept my attention. He brushed my cheek and looked at me, not at what Andrew was doing. When we were done, he carried me out to the sofa. I told him about the blanket in the cabinet and about being cold. He lie beside me and covered me up. He held me tightly as I shivered despite the blanket.
"Aww, bro, I'm so sorry this is hard on you. I can't imagine doing this for four years and then some, plus multiple surgeries. You're a better man than I am."
I gave him the `I'm no better than anyone' attitude. I was not and would not ever be. I told him I'm no better than him, nor hardly any worse. We are new friends and we have common ground between us. I'm nobody's hero.
"Says you. Tell that to Sam and Will."
"Okay, two. Maybe. But I'm your friend, so don't put me anywhere but on a plain with you."
"Raise me up to yours instead, and I really will be a good man."
"Nope. You already are. Keep me at yours and we'll be friends for life."
"I like that. Bless you Aaron. You should nap a bit. I would like to hold you, okay?"
"Yeah. Can I hold you back?"
I normally do not hold my partner in chemo. I'm too needful. A new friendship, and a good one at that, is nice to reinforce early and often. He lies facing me, kissing my forehead as I dozed off.
Jordan took me home afterwards. Billy was home from a day at campus, getting stuff done ahead of orientation. Skip arrived home shortly after us. We had stopped at Jillian's place for soup and salads.
"Will you be sick later?"
"Yeah. Andrew is working on the anti-emetic again, but lately I throw up a couple of times each chemo day. If I get it over with early, I can sleep off the headache."
"Chemo sucks then."
"Dying would suck more, from cancer anyway."
"Bro. You make me sad."
"I know. I make me sad, too, Jordan. Chemo hell, forever, and no end in sight. I really hate this."
"What can I do for you?"
"Kiss me here," I said, touching my forehead.
He did, without hesitation. He looked into my eyes.
"I care about you Aaron, for a lot of reasons. I told my wife about you. She thinks cloning you would be a good idea. She's considering adopting you too," he said, smiling.
"Adoption is probably out since I'm a year older than you, but if we can clone the good stuff, I'm game."
He pulled me up into his arms and hugged me goodnight.
"What brought you into my life?"
"Hate. And the need to deal with it without hating back."
"And?"
"Everyone needs to know someone who matters, so that's two way for us all. We four, and our teammates, could do wonderful things."
"We can. See you on Wednesday, then."
We need each other. That's what brings people together. One can spark an idea, but one cannot change the world on his or her own. There may always be hate and stupidity. Making them less of a force is my mission.
Skip woke up in the early dawn. Daylight was barely discernable, so he knew it was before 6:00, his usual waking time. He was hot and sweaty. I was hotter and sweatier. Skip roused Billy because he could not rouse me. Billy ran to the phone to call 911. Skip ran down the stairs to wait for the ambulance.
Life was gonna suck again for a while.
Comments: aaronj.2007 [at] yahoo [dot] com
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