Date: Sun, 31 Aug 2003 19:49:27 +0000 From: Guy Jameson Subject: The Sons of JJ Jameson Chapter 7 Thanks are long overdue to Dee. She above all others encouraged me to begin telling and writing stories. Dee helped edit and critiqued what you have read thus far and has promised to continue doing so for the remainder of this series. Thanks Dee. I also want to thank those of you who have read this story and have responded to what you've read. I am open to receive comments and answer questions about the story. If you see areas for improvement, feel free to respond. DISCLAIMER: These feeble writings are not for everyone. Some of you will find there's not enough sex; others will find the type of sex is not to their liking. A few people may even be offended by what comes later in the series. Remember that male2male sex covers a lot of ground. It takes some people longer than others to develop their sexual appetites. This is especially true about the people described in this continuing story. There may even be a few of you who are too young or live in an area where reading something that is even the slightest bit erotic is not legal. I will not share responsibility if reading these chapters gets you into trouble with members of your family (particularly with parents) or with the legal authorities. I live in Oklahoma so I can sympathize with you. This story belongs to me and as such is copyrighted according to the terms laid down by Nifty. This story is based on fact but not everything described actually happened to us or happened in the way it is disclosed here. Any similarity with persons living or not is purely coincidental. I hope you enjoy. Feel free to send comments to me at guyjameson@hotmail.com THE SONS OF JJ JAMESON CHAPTER SEVEN: WTMI Sometime during the night I was awakened by Jasper kissing the side of my face. I turned my head to catch his kisses on my mouth. "I love you, Jasper," I whispered through his kiss. I hadn't intended to say that, but the feelings I had experienced earlier in the evening and the peace I was feeling at that moment just spilled out of my mouth. "No, boy! Don't say that. Boys don't love boys. It just isn't done," Jasper responded. "It's just the lust talking. And that's not love. So don't tell me that no more." "I don't know whether it's lust or love, Jasper, but I know I feel very good lying here next to you this way. I don't want to ever be with anyone else like this." "Well, it ain't love, JJ. We're just friends-just friends." Jasper drifted back to sleep. I lay there still feeling very good, very complete, very whole. I'd never felt this way before in my life. I didn't know if it was love. But I knew that I'd never felt about anyone the way I felt right then about Jasper. I loved my mother but this certainly didn't feel the same. I loved her because she was my mother and had taken care of me most of my life. I knew I loved Jasper because I wanted to be near him all the time. He made me feel good. He made me feel that I had found my other half. He made me feel protected and wanted. Maybe it was just lust. But I hoped he might feel about me in pretty much the same way. Regardless, whether it was love or lust, I didn't want this feeling to ever end. Contemplating love, especially love for this boy, I too went back to sleep. Reveille sounded at what seemed to be a very early hour the next day. Jasper was still lying in my bed, cuddled against me with his head on my shoulder and one arm and one leg covering me like a shield against the outside world. The bugle's blare shook us both awake. "Good morning, JJ," he whispered. "Did you sleep good?" "Yeah, the best sleep I've ever had. That was really something last night." I reached under his leg and felt my hard penis. "Ooh," "What's the matter, baby?" "I'm just a little sore. I think you tried to pull my pecker out of my body last night. But it felt so good. How are you this morning?" "My mouth feels like elephants have been marching through it. Come on, boy, we need to get up." The boys in the barracks were beginning to move around, some walking by our room. I saw one look in and see us lying there together, but his face showed no reaction-just another morning among the boys. Jasper got out of bed and left, going to the head. I pulled myself up and followed. Jasper's bunk was still made up. At least that would save us some time getting ready for the day. My bunk was a total wreck. It would have to be completely remade. I laughed to myself, still relishing the feelings from the previous night. Today was Sunday. I had been at WTMI for a full week-four days living among the cadets. But Sunday or not, we still began the day with twenty minutes of PT and a three mile run. Sgt. Flood saw no reason why we should allow physical training to be postponed for any reason. Today, though, we showered and dressed immediately after PT and were then marched directly to the chapel. That service was a new experience for me. Father Mike ran a very formal service. He was dressed in a white gown or robe with a colored collar or ribbon looking thing around his neck. Jasper sensed I hadn't the slightest idea what was going on and began to explain the service to me. He had been raised a Catholic so he had a pretty good idea what was happening. He told me the collar was called a "stole." So strike me dead for my ignorance. The Bible was read three separate times. The first two readings were by cadets. The third by Father Mike. There was a sermon given by Father Mike. I didn't pay a lot of attention to what he said at first; I'd heard a few sermons when mother forced me to attend church with Barry or the few times I tuned into a TV preacher. I didn't expect what Father Mike said to be any different. He was half way through his talk before I realized the whole tone of his voice was different from the preachers I had heard. His voice was soft, loving, confident, without any of the shouting I expected. I began to listen to what he said. Even his message was entirely different. He talked of love, not fear. I wondered if he was even discussing the same god. During the last half of the service, Father Mike "celebrated the Eucharist". At least that was what Jasper told me he was doing. I didn't see much celebration in what he was did, but I took Jasper's word for it at the time. There was music, led by the institute's boys' choir, incense and the eating of bread and wine. I'd never seen anything like this service. As the service ended we sang "The Navy Hymn" which caused a lump to grow in my throat. I don't know whether it was the tune or the lyrics, but I suddenly felt very home sick. Jasper seemed to sense my unease and wrapped one of his long arms around my shoulders and pulled me tightly against him. Finally the service ended and we trooped out of the building. I walked out of the chapel with Jasper still holding me around the shoulders. I was so overwhelmed by what I had witnessed, I couldn't speak. Jasper respected my silence and allowed me to wallow in my own thoughts. After a huge breakfast, which I guess was really more like brunch because we would only have two meals that day, we returned to the barracks and pretty much had the rest of the day to ourselves. Sgt. Flood was nowhere to be seen. He'd disappeared right after PT. We were under the command of the cadet officers and non-coms on Sundays. After we changed into more comfortable clothing, which meant shorts and tee shirts for most of us, there was mail call. I wasn't expecting anything and received exactly what I expected-nothing. That made me feel pretty down. But I didn't know what to expect out of my family at that point. Better to just forget the whole mess, I thought. We were required to write at least one letter home, however. Every boy had to turn in something to the cadet sergeant. I had never written a letter in my life, not even a note to a friend at school. I'd never had the need to write a letter and I had no friends at school. Fortunately, Jasper again came to my rescue and helped me write a short note to Victor. I figured he was the only person who would care what was happening to me. Dear Victor. Well, I've been here a week now. It's interesting, but a lot of hard work. My classes haven't started yet because the other boys are taking final exams. While they've been in classes, I've been assigned work detail. I start summer classes tomorrow. I've met some cool guys-especially a boy named Raphe (that's short for Raphael) and one named Jasper. They are both Black. Funny I've never really known Black boys before. But these two have accepted me as a friend. That may make being here a little bit bearable. I miss you and being at home, but I don't miss being around your father. Tell mom I'm OK. Your Brother, JJ The rest of the day, at least until supper, was free time. No one had studies to do so most of us played some basketball. Jasper and I played on opposing teams, ending the day still tied. Some boys read and some took the opportunity to catch up on their sleep. At some point we all caught up on doing laundry. It was a restful day. Jasper and I slept in my bunk that night, cuddled in each other's arms. When I woke we were still wrapped up, my head lying on Jasper's shoulder, his leg draped across mine. It was Monday; the summer session began. The emphasis of the summer was less on academics and more on physical training. We did have some classes-military history, mathematics and writing but the classes were less structured and we had no homework. We didn't even have classes every day. During the summer there was a two-week bivouac spent several miles from the main base. It was a time cooking over open fires, sleeping in two man tents, marching and playing war games. It was a great time. We returned to the school for a couple of weeks and then two more weeks were spent at a near by ranch learning to ride horses and then helping the ranch owner with his round up, the whole cowboy experience. We also took about a week and half busing into New Mexico for white water rafting down the Rio Grande. So the summer was busy and a great time to really get to know everyone in the institute. During our second week on the bivouac, I received my first letter from home. In fact it was the first letter I had ever received. It was from Victor. Dear, JJ Thanks for writing me. I've missed you so much. I don't think I can ever forgive dad for sending you away the way he did. I've also quit going to church. The first Sunday you were gone, Dad forced me to go with him, but that was mainly because he wanted me to confess my sins in front of the whole congregation. I couldn't do it. I didn't feel that I had sinned with you at all and I wasn't going to confess to something I hadn't done. So things here are not good. I haven't spoken to dad about anything since you left. Your Mom never stops crying. She misses you too and is so sorry that Barry did what he did but she doesn't know what to do about it. She asked me to tell you she loves you and is trying to get Barry to change his mind. She wants you home. Dad does not know you wrote me or that I'm writing you. He'd blow his top if he knew. Your Mom and I are trying to find someway to get him to change, but I think it's a lost cause. I love you, brother. Vic Jasper and I were inseparable. We slept in the same tent on bivouac and during our time in New Mexico. During our time at the ranch, all the boys slept in a large bunk house, but that wasn't very different from our barracks, really. We still slept together. We had sex as often as we could, but usually had to settle for just jacking each other to orgasm. We thought we were being more discreet that way. There were many nights, though, that Jasper would lick and kiss his way down my body to engulf my cock in his mouth and give me a tremendous blowjob. When I tried to initiate the action, he pushed me onto my back so that he could be in control. But one night, lying in our tent in New Mexico, after Jasper had brought me off with a fantastic blowjob and humping my stomach to his own orgasm, I refused to just lie there and let him feed me his cum from his fingers. I wrestled him onto his back and began to lick the cum from his stomach just above his now softening cock. He tried to push me off of him, but I was determined that I was going to get his cock in my mouth. As he grabbed my shoulders to push me away, I thrust my forearm under his chin against his throat. He tried to wrestle against me, but lust gave me the needed strength to hold him down as I cleaned the cum from his pubic hair. Jasper's cock began to harden again as we wrestled and I was finally able to get it into my mouth. I forced my tongue under his foreskin and began to suck with all the might I could muster. He finally quit trying to fight me away and allowed me to lick his spent cum from the head of his penis. I took advantage of the situation and sucked my way as far down as I could get. Somehow I was able to avoid gagging as I swallowed more and more of him down my throat. Jasper had to be at least nine inches long and much thicker around than I was, so it was no little feat for me to get even half of him into my mouth. It was my first time to suck a cock, though I don't think Jasper knew that, but it was an experience I had wanted long before being kicked out of my home. "JJ, stop. You can't do that. I'm too sensitive now. Please stop, JJ," he whimpered hoarsely. At least I knew he couldn't get too loud because even though we were alone, sound travels well at night and the walls of our tent were not all that thick. We, like many of the coupled boys, had learned early on how to be fairly quiet in our passion. Living in a barracks with twenty other boys teaches that. But honestly, I didn't care how sensitive his cock was at that point. I had him in my mouth and for the first time I tasted what I wanted more than anything. The head of Jasper's cock had a tangy taste from his spent cum and the cheese which had formed under his skin-no wonder it's called cheese. I did stop licking the head of his cock in response to his request, but I stayed on his dick, massaging the shaft with my throat like swallowing a large piece of steak. After a few minutes Jasper began to thrust his hips driving his cock deeper into my mouth. Finally he was getting into the proper mood. I took my arm from under his chin and wrapped that hand around the base of his cock, jacking with it as I pumped my mouth up and down on his meat. I pulled my mouth off him, continuing to stroke his tool with my hand, and burrowed my face in his ball sack. The night was hot and the scent of the collected sweat between his legs and around his nuts drove all thoughts from my mind except for his perfume and my desire to taste his seed. I loved his scent and thought I was getting closer and closer to its source. I sucked one of his nuts into my mouth, licking it, washing it clean. Taking the other nut, I sucked harder, causing him to thrust faster with his hips against my hand. He was getting close to shooting his ball juice as I covered the head of his penis. He let loose a load of milk, which I drank as fast as he produced it. I felt very proud of myself that I was able to take it all without spilling a drop. Jasper finished his orgasm and lay quiet on his bedroll. I slid up his body and kissed him, sticking my tongue deep into his mouth. He sucked the taste of his cream from my tongue as he pushed me onto my back. "Why did you do that? I don't want you to become my cocksucker and was very happy to just be able to get you off. Now you've changed everything, ya know that? We've shared each other's cum and become more than just friends. Are you sure that's what you want?" "Yes, Jasper. I'm sure. I don't want to be just your friend-someone who uses you to get off. I want to be your lover." "But boys can't love each other. I was just trying to help you get off. Don't you understand?" "Why not? Why can't we love?" "Just because, that's why. I liked it just the way it was. Now I'm not sure anymore. I want you to get out of my bedroll into your own. I can't let you sleep with me any closer than that. Not tonight, anyway." Tears began to roll down my cheeks as I disentangled my body from Jasper's and moved to the other side of the tent. "I'm sorry, Jasper," I sobbed, trying unsuccessfully not to sound like I was crying. "I'm sorry." I rolled up my bedroll and took it outside. I was going to sleep under the stars. But I lay awake staring at the clear night sky, thinking I had spoiled the one friendship I'd ever had. Sometime later, I saw Jasper leave the tent, his tall lean body contrasted sharply with the night sky. He was naked. 'I love you Jasper,' I thought to myself. 'Why can't you love me back?' Jasper stood outside the tent, looking into the night. I was only a few feet from the tent but was toward the rear of the tent line. I lay quietly, not wanting to move. I wanted him to be looking for me. Finally, he saw me curled against the chill of the desert night. He walked toward me slowly, peering into the dark trying to determine whether I was awake. I lay as still as possible, trying to get my breathing under control. I thought he was coming over to take me back to the tent, but I couldn't be sure he didn't intend to pound me into the ground. He walked carefully over to me, kneeled down on the ground beside my bedroll. "JJ, I'm sorry. I want you to come back into the tent. I don't know what gets into me sometimes but I like you more than anyone I've ever known before. It's OK with me if you say you love me, just don't expect me say it back. I can't do that, man. I just can't do it." We were quiet as I considered what he said. I don't know what he was thinking, if he wasn't just allowing his mind to go blank. Jasper took my hand in his and kissed my fingers. When we returned to the tent and I had laid out my bedroll again, Jasper crawled over and took me in his arms. We hugged for a few minutes and I could tell he was trying to keep from crying-not very successfully. I could feel his tears falling onto my shoulders. I sunk my head into the nape of his neck. His dick swelled and pushed against my stomach. My cock reacted to his touch exactly the same way. Jasper pulled me over onto his bedroll. Locking his legs around me he slowly hunched against my abdomen, smearing the pre-cum that was flowing heavily from his meat. The heat emanating from our bodies caused him to begin humping faster, mixing our juices together. Jasper shot his load over my body just as I erupted like Vesuvius. Jasper stayed wrapped around me that way for several minutes. Sleep should have come easily-we'd both experienced orgasms. But it was obvious from the way Jasper was breathing he was having difficulty falling off. The closeness of his body and the fact we'd had our first fight prevented me from sleeping either. We were both quiet trying to keep from disturbing the other. "JJ, are you asleep?" "No. I thought you were though." "Nope. I'm sorry JJ. When you left the tent, I thought I'd never be able to get you back. Will you forgive me for being such a turd?" "You know I will, Jasper. You're the best friend I've ever had. But I thought you didn't want me anymore because of what I did and said." "JJ, I always want you." We lay quietly again. The night was passing us by and the chance to sleep was going with it. We'd had a pretty active day and should have been tired. We both knew the next day would require all of our physical concentration too. We needed to go to sleep. The only sounds in the camp were the sounds made by the night creatures. I heard a coyote or a wolf howling in the distance. It was peaceful. "JJ, you asleep yet?" I could feel Jasper getting hard again against my butt. I wondered what he'd been thinking in the silence. I don't think he was trying very hard to go to sleep. "No." He pressed harder against my back. He shifted his arm over my chest and finding a nipple began to strum it. "Stop that Jasper. We need to get to sleep. You know what happens to me when you play with my nip that way." "Yeah, Baby, I know." He continued to play with my nipple and I had my usual reaction. My cock, as tired as it was, began to harden. "Baby? Is it happening? Are you getting hard?" He felt down my torso to my cock. "Yeup. It is, isn't it? You are getting hard. Man, I love the feel of your cock in my hand. I love it when you let me suck on it. It feels so good, man to have that steel rod in my mouth. Your skin is so soft; it feels like the fur on a kitten. Innocent. Hard. Covered by silk." Well who could resist all that? My cock got as hard as a rock. "JJ, Fuck me." "What? . . . What did you say?" "You heard me, Baby. I want you to fuck me. I want to feel that piece of steel stuck up my butt. I want to feel you completely inside of me. I've wanted you to fuck me for so long, man. I need you." "Jasper, I've never fucked anyone in my life. I'm not even sure I want to. It's nasty there." "Baby, you sucked my cock and drank my cum. You licked between my ass cheeks. I really loved it when you did. But what could be any nastier than that? Now I want to feel you inside of me. I want your body in me." I turned over in his arms, facing him. My cock was dripping snot like a runny nose. It brushed against his leg. "Ohhh, Jasper. If you want me to . . . I want it too. Are you sure? It'll change everything between us again." "Yes, I want you to. I want that change in our lives." "Has anyone ever fucked you before?" "Yes, a long time ago. But I didn't want it then. I want it NOW, Baby. I want you to do it." Jasper kissed me deeply. Sticking his tongue half way down my throat. (Not only was Jasper well endowed between his legs, he had the longest tongue I had ever seen. I wondered whether the two things were connected.) Jasper took hold of my cock and began to stroke it softly. Pre-cum was flowing like it had never done before. I shifted to take Jasper's cock in my mouth. Sucked it, tasted the nectar of his natural lube. I moved to his nuts, kissing them with my tongue as I continued my descent to his ass-that point I knew I would be probing with more than just my mouth in a very short time. Licking past his balls I entered the crevice of his ass cheeks, slowly stroking his cock as I began to crawl inside of him. My tongue found its target. I licked, I sucked, trying to relax it as much as I could. "Jasper, isn't it going to hurt you when I put my dick in you?" "That little white boy's cock? What makes you think it'll hurt me? . . . Yeah, it probably will. But I think it'll only hurt for a little while. And I know I want it. I want it so bad, man. The pain will be worth it." I licked at his opening more, depositing as much of my spit as I could. With one hand I collected as much of his pre-cum as I could. Using that, I lubed his ass, and began to insert one finger inside his hole. He moaned, not in pain, but in pleasure. I pushed my second digit into him. His moans increased in intensity. I tried the third finger. It wouldn't go in. 'If I can't get three fingers up him, how will I get my cock past that tight ring around his anus?' I wondered. I pulled my fingers out of him and collected more of his lube. With my cock I smeared as much of my load around his hole as possible and tried the fingers again. His hole was relaxing. We were both breathing in hard, ragged gasps as I worked to prepare the boy I thought I loved for the most intimate invasion of his body I could imagine. The idea of fucking Jasper was becoming more attractive every second. I found that in spite of my misgivings, I wanted to do this as much as he said he did. I wanted to FUCK his ass as I wanted nothing else in the world. But I knew I would have to go slow. Three fingers worked into him. I explored the interior of his body until I found that spot Doc Russell seemed to always want to find in me during his physical exams. Jasper moaned even louder, with more conviction as I rubbed his button. "Shhhh, Jasper, not so loud. We don't want to wake the whole camp." "Fuck the camp, JJ. I want you in me. Do it, Baby. Do it NOW." Jasper pulled his legs higher onto his chest, opening his ass wider. I placed my cock against his opening, feeling for it in the dark, and began to push against the very tight entrance to his body. There was a lot of resistance. Jasper said he wanted this but his ass wasn't being cooperative. I spit on the end of my cock and jacked it to acquire more lube. I pushed against him again. Jason grunted. His rose bud began to open for me. I pushed harder. My foreskin was pulled back, exposing the slick wetness of the glans. Pushing slowly again, I could myself sink into the recesses of his soul. Another push and I broke through the ring that was designed to deny passage of anything through this opening. I was inside of him. I stopped, letting Jasper rest. He was breathing in short heavy breaths. I found I couldn't control my breathing. I sank against him and felt myself sliding in deeper. It was slow going but I wanted to make this as easy on Jasper as I could. His body was sweating. He was obviously hurting, but he didn't order me to stop. The combined perfume of male sweat mingled with lust hit my nose and I sank deeper into him. I was now all the way in. His kinky bush of pubic hair pressed against mine. "Fuck me, JJ. FUCK ME!" I pulled out as slowly as I had gone in. The inside of his tunnel was warm. It was wet. As I worked myself out and back in again, the lubricant of his shoot coated my cock. I could feel my cock rub against that hard nub in there. Jason thrashed his head back and forth. His body heaved as I began to fuck myself in and out of his body. He was smiling. His bright perfect teeth glowed in the dark light. "That's it, Baby. Fuck my ass. Fuck me harder. Go faster. Fuck me! Fuck me! FUCK ME!" I was surprised at how easily my cock moved inside of Jason. It was if my cock and his ass were made to be together. Jasper pushed his body up against me as I withdrew my piston. It relaxed a little as I re-entered him. Not only was I fucking him, he was fucking himself against my cock. I could feel my sweat dripping from every pore, falling on this boy I loved, mixing with his sweat. "JJ, Fuck me harder. I'm cumming. I'm cumming, Baby. FUCK MEEEEEEEE! Jaspers load erupted from his cock, hitting my chin, my chest, before falling on his own body. He tightened his body rhythmically as he unloaded each shot, forcing me over the edge into the abyss of ecstasy. I could feel myself coating the inside of his tube. As my orgasm subsided, my arms gave way, forcing me lie down on Jasper's chest. We were both soaked with our mingled sweat and the quart of jizm that Jasper had expelled. We lay there, with me on top of him. Our body functions began to slow. Jasper wrapped his arms around my back and pulled me closer to him. "That was wonderful, JJ. I knew you would be the greatest lover in the world. Thank you," he whispered hoarsely in my ear. "Oh, Jasper. I've never felt that way before. I thought you gave great blowjobs, but I think I like this better." We both laughed softly. Jasper had called me his "lover". Could life be any sweeter? We fell asleep cradled against each other, our mixed cum drying slowly on our skin. The middle of August we began the fall term of school. Jasper and I had generally become known among the other cadets as a couple. We weren't the only couple among the cadets. And strangely enough there was no harassment of any of us. As Raphe had explained when I first came to WMTI, every boy at the institute had some secret for which he could be teased. It was more a sense of self-survival that kept any of us from getting too much into any of the other boys' faces about anything. That didn't stop the joking around that exists between boys of school age. The gays were teased about their taste in sex and the straight boys were teased about having to resort to granny and her daughters for sex. But the teasing was always done with good humor and maybe even mutual respect. I found that the idea of two boys sleeping in the same bed was just not a big deal for most of the guys. Some of the gay cadets who were not coupled and some that were, provided the sexual release desired by the guys who thought they were straight. The institute instructors turned a blind eye to the male to male sex that was going on in every barracks almost every night. I often wondered though about Sgt. Flood. He had said that he didn't want any queers in his school. If he knew, he did nothing to stop it but I kept having the feeling that he wasn't happy about it. Only Doc Russell and Father Mike ever discussed with us what we were doing after Taps. They were our counselors in all things medical, secular or spiritual. During the school year I was assigned work detail every week in sick bay. Raphe was the head corpsman and so worked in sick bay everyday. Others of us were assigned one or two days a week to be a part of his crew. The friendship I had developed with Raphe my first few days at the institute grew constantly. Raphe knew about Jasper, of course, and would ask leading questions about how he was in bed. Being a "gentleman" I didn't answer his queries. Also we often joked with other about giving or receiving a blowjob from the other. If one of us found the other bent over-like over a sink-the other would hunch his rear end. It was just general good fun. But our friendship was strictly that-friendship and never developed any further. Raphe was a senior my first year at the institute and would be graduating in May. He was having too much fun with upper classmen to have any serious time with me and I, thinking I was madly in love with Jasper, didn't plan on complicating things with Raphe. Doc Russell was . . . Well Doc seemed to know everything that went on among the boys. He often made comments to me about Jasper and how we were getting along. "JJ," he'd say when I'd arrive in the sick bay, "How's Jasper this morning? Did you boys sleep well or were you too busy to get any sleep?" Or, "JJ, you seem awfully happy this morning. Was there a particularly good breakfast in the mess hall or did Jasper feed you?" Or, "JJ, I don't know how you're able to stay awake in class after being with Jasper all night. You boys need to take it a little easy. You're going to wear yourselves out the way you're going." I was working three shifts in sick bay per week-more than any of the others who worked there, except Raphe, of course who was in sick bay almost anytime he wasn't in classes or drill. As a result Doc and I developed a very close relationship. But he had a good relationship with all the boys. Jasper worked in the chapel with Fr. Mike the same three days I was in sick bay. As time went by I came to realize what a really spiritual guy Jasper was. He knew everything about the chapel, including the art that hung on the walls and was portrayed in the windows. The cadets were required to attend services every week and Jasper whispered explanations to me for what was occurring. He was raised a Catholic and his mother saw to it that he attended Mass every Sunday and he was required to go to Confession at least once a week-more often if his mom found cum stains on his sheets or in the pouch of his briefs. Once he figured out what gave her the clue he had "sinned", Jasper began to do his own laundry. One afternoon when I came to the sick bay to work my usual shift, I asked Doc if I could talk to him. "JJ, I wanted to talk to you to too. Come on into my office." "Doc. Do you want to talk about anything serious?" I asked half jokingly. But I could see by his expression that something out of the ordinary was on his mind. "Not really serious, JJ. Why don't you start? You said you want to talk to me." I said. "It's about Jasper. We've been a couple now for a year. I love him and I think he loves me, but he won't say anything about how he feels. He insists that `boys can't love boys'. Is there something wrong with me, Doc, that I want him to love me the way I do him?" "You know, JJ, that's almost the same thing I want to talk to you about-Jasper, that is. He came to sick bay yesterday to talk about you. He told me he likes you very much. But that you saying you love him is getting under his skin . . ." I started to interrupt Doc but he held up his hand for me not to say anything. "Jasper has had a very bad time during his life . . . `love' has played a big part in causing his problems. His father started to sexually abuse Jasper before he was ten years old. According to Jasper after his father had used him, he would beat him with a belt or with his fist, all the time telling Jasper it was entirely his fault that he had done what he did. After venting his rage, his dad would hold him and tell him how much he `loved' him and that he must never tell what they had done because people would not understand how much he `loved' his son. This went on for over three years. Jasper isn't sure exactly how young he was when it began. Then one night, when Jasper was thirteen, his parents got into a big fight. "He remembers his dad telling his mom how much he `loved' her and that he would never let her go; that she belonged to him, just as Jasper belonged to him. Jasper had often heard them fight and the exchange of the `love' word was always used. Usually these fights ended when Jasper's dad would start hitting his mom. But this night Jasper broke into their room to stop his dad from hitting her. Just as he opened the door he saw his mother go after his dad with a knife. His dad had a gun and shot her squarely between the eyes, blowing her skull in half. She fell dead instantly. Then his dad started the gibberish about `loving' her and not being able to live without her. He turned the gun on himself. "Jasper called an ambulance but it was too late. Both of his parents were dead-because they `loved' each other. The police came, of course, and Jasper was taken to a foster home. As far as anyone could determine, Jasper had no other relatives who were willing to take him in. "He was small for his age and continued to be abused, but this time by the other boys at the foster home. They also claimed to `love' him. Even when they were abusing him the worst, they kept using the `love' word, or at least that's the way Jasper remembered it. "He finally ran away, was picked up by the police and ended up here. "So you see as far as Jasper is concerned, loving someone means having total possession of that person and he ends up getting hurt. "Jasper cares very deeply for you, JJ, but don't expect him to use the word `love' in reference to how he feels. It just isn't in him at this point." I listened to Doc carefully, tears welling up in my eyes. I could see Jasper being beaten by his father and the horror he must have felt to see his parents die the way they had. 'No wonder he's so messed up,' I thought. My experience with Barry seemed pretty tame in comparison. I began to cry audibly in sympathy for my bedmate. Doc took me in his arms, hugged me and told me to stay close to Jasper. He said Jasper needed me at least as much as I needed him. "Just don't count on him ever declaring how he feels for you, JJ." "Thanks, Doc. I think knowing what happened to Jasper is enough for me to understand what's going on. But I can always love him, can't I? "Of course, JJ. He needs you to love him. He needs to know that all love isn't what he experienced as a child." As I started to leave Doc's office, there was a knock at the door. I opened it to admit Father Mike. "I guess I'm too late to get in on this conference." "Yes, Mike, I think you are," Doc responded. "But I think JJ understands about Jasper. It'll just take a lot of time for Jasper to heal-physically and spiritually." "Time may do it, Doc. But JJ can be a big help and I think he already has begun to be just that." I left Doc's office and found Raphe for my day's work detail. Jasper and I continued to share one bed every night. Either he would end up giving me a blowjob or I would give one to him. And both of us loved getting off with the Princeton Rub. Only on rare occasions did Jasper want to get fucked. But I began to want him to do me. Always it was the same story, "JJ I love you to fuck me as much as anything. But I'm not ready to fuck you. Someday I will . . . When I know we both want it very much." So I guess our sex lives were pretty "vanilla". We both enjoyed playing with the other's ass by rubbing it with our fingers and even eating the other's hole. Having Jasper play that way could really send me into a prolonged orgasm. Even though I couldn't get Jasper in me and I didn't fuck him very often, we both loved joking around with each other about fucking the other, but it never became the 'norm' for our sex. The routine of school and a quasi-military life set in and time passed. My second summer was pretty much like the first except that Raphe was no longer around. He had graduated and left me as "chief nurse" in the sick bay. Each year when the class returned to school after our summer bivouacs and trips, we were moved into the next barracks and had a new sergeant. No one was as gruff as Sgt. Flood but every barracks sergeant were every bit as rough on the PT and parade grounds. No one ever did anything about us cadets sleeping together. I guess it was such a wide spread practice that no one honestly cared. I continued to receive letters from Victor telling me how much he and my mom missed me and that they were trying to change Barry's mind about letting me come home-but that's all it was-just talk. I wrote Victor, but never mom because we weren't supposed to be writing each other in the first place. I didn't know whether mom knew Vic and I were in touch. Two events occurred during my junior year that changed what had become a pleasant and comfortable life. In September, I received a letter from Victor: Dear JJ I'm sorry but I really have bad news to tell you. Yesterday your mom died. She had been ill for a couple of weeks but she refused to go to a doctor. She said she didn't want a doctor doing anything to her. It was in the Lord's hands. She said that personal prayer and the prayers from the congregation would heal whatever illness she might have. She was running a high fever and could not keep any food or fluids on her stomach. She did not seem to be in any great amount of pain but just lay in bed and allowed Barry and the pastor to pray for her. I begged Barry to let me write you and send enough money to come visit her before she died but he said, `I've spent enough money on that spawn of Satan by sending him to that school. There's no way I'm going to pay for him to come and contaminate this family with his evil. And don't you write him either. He won't care-devils never care about what is happening to a good Christian family.' Barry also refuses to send money for you to come home for the funeral, which will be held at the end of the week. JJ I'm so sorry. I know you still loved your mother and this will come as quite a shock to you. Please don't blame me. I've tried to get dad to bring you home several times. But he refuses. He says, `That as long as he can do so, he's going to keep you at that school and away from us.' I love you brother and wish things could be different. Vic I was sitting on my bunk as I read this letter. Tears began to form and run down my cheeks. I really didn't know whether to cry, scream or get angry. Jasper was sitting across from me, saw my reaction to the letter and came over to my bunk. "What's wrong, JJ?" I handed him the letter. I couldn't speak. In sort of a daze I walked out of our house, out of the barracks, grabbing a basketball as I left. I walked slowly to the court. A couple of the guys saw me leaving and started to say something but fell silent. They could tell something bad had happened and knew better than to get in my way. I guess Jasper read the letter and then followed me. He wanted to make sure I didn't do something foolish, I guess. But . . . I just walked to the basketball court slowly dribbling the ball as I went. When I arrived at the court I shot a couple of baskets when the anger began to overwhelm me. I started playing the ball hard-throwing it from one end of the court to the other then running as quickly as I could to catch up with it. Then dribbling it back down the court and shooting at the back board. I didn't care whether I made a basket. It was the act of throwing something at a hard object that was the purpose. Jasper joined me on the court. As he'd try to block my charge, I ran as if I would run through him. I'm not sure that I even knew he was there-at least not at first. Tears of anger, tears of grief poured down my cheeks. I sweated as if my whole body was crying, soaking through my clothes. The harder I ran the more I began to shout out my frustration. My mother was dead and I was ignored by that son-of-a-bitch that was responsible for ruining everything. I wanted to kill him but I couldn't even get home. I was stuck in this shit hole and would never see my mom again. At some point I shot the ball, hitting the backboard with such force it slammed straight back at me, hitting me in the head. I fell to the pavement unconscious. When I came to, Jasper was sitting on the court, my head in his lap. Several other boys were standing around, one of them reading my letter aloud to the others. Someone had gone for Doc and someone else had brought water to try to rouse me. I'll never forget the look in Jasper's eyes as I woke. Tears were running down his cheeks and there was such a look of love there I don't think I'll ever forget it. He rocked me in his arms, singing a lullaby as if I was a baby and he was my mother. About that time Doc Russell arrived with two of the cadet "nurses". They were carrying a stretcher. But Jasper, refusing to let them put me on the stretcher, stood up and carried me across the compound to the sick bay. Doc Russell gave me a shot of something that knocked me out completely. I slept but dreamed about the time before Barry came into my mother's life. I was later told that Jasper refused to leave my side the rest of that day or that night. He was sitting beside my bed when I woke up. When he saw my eyes open, he leaned over and kissed me on the forehead. "How you feeling, Baby?" "I'm thirsty, Jasper. Can I have a drink?" "Sure baby, I'll get it for you." He returned with a glass of water with a straw, followed by Doc Russell and one of his "nurses". I tried to sit up, but was pushed back on to the bunk. Jasper reached under my head to lift it just enough for me to sip a little water. "Boy," said Doc. "You never do things the simple way do you?" "Hi Doc. Am I OK?" "You'll live, JJ. But you'll have to stay flat on your back at least for the rest of today. You may have a concussion. If you don't, we'll let you return to the barracks tomorrow." My first night back in the barracks, Jasper slipped into my bed just as he usually did. I placed my head on his shoulder. He reached over and kissed me. His kiss was tender at first, but I grabbed him behind his neck and forced his lips harder into mine. I stuck my tongue into his mouth, forcing his lips apart. He pushed his tongue against mine and we played "dueling tongues" for a few minutes. Jasper began stroking his hand around my chest, moving his hand lower toward my cock. He broke the kiss, licked down my body, as he often did, stopping to suck into my armpits, tasting the musk, which was there. By the time he finally worked his way down to my cock, I was rock hard and dripping pre-cum like Niagara Falls. He sucked it all into his mouth and proceeded to give me one of his best blowjobs. Jasper drank me dry, then covered my body with his, rubbing against me until he shot his load. "See, man," he whispered in my ear. "It don't do no good to love anyone. They just up and leave you every time. Besides, your mom died the day your step-dad kicked you out of the house. The woman who died last week-she wasn't the one who loved you." I was beginning to think that maybe Jasper was right. The weeks passed. My anger at my "family" began to wane. My closeness to Jasper grew stronger everyday. He was my family now-he and the corps of cadets with whom I had been living for the last three years. One day in April of our junior year, we were on an obstacle and confidence course. We'd done this course a couple of dozen times over the last three years. It was a piece of cake. For this course we were divided into teams of four and began with a rope swing over a pit of putrid water. Actually there often wasn't always a lot of water in it, but there was supposed to be. The climate kept drying it up. After we cleared the pit, we would run a ways (maybe twenty yards) then climb over a vertical wall using a landing ladder like was used on the sides of ships. We would then run a little further and cross a swinging bridge, then came several more elevated obstacles, each one higher from the ground than the last. The last piece of the course we crawled under barbed wire set about two feet off the ground. The wire was criss-crossed over an area about twenty yards by twenty yards. Sgt. Flood had always enjoyed telling us that in the "real corps" we'd be crawling through that course under machine gun fire. He'd tell us that piece of info then laugh a wicked laugh. In fact that was the only time I ever remember hearing him laugh at all. On this particular day, Jasper woke up in a really foul mood. Usually he was a true morning person. He normally woke up with a smile and full of good humor. But that day, he'd tossed and turned the whole night, keeping me awake as well as himself. He was grumpy as he prodded me awake. He couldn't eat much breakfast and his whole manner was depressed. Well, I figured everyone had the right to get off to a bad start once in a while and didn't really think much about it. I didn't realize it was the anniversary of his parents' death. As we gathered for PT we were informed that Flood was taking us to the obstacle course. Jasper didn't really like this course because he had difficulty adjusting to heights-he was just plain frightened of being higher above the ground than about six feet. He joked that he liked his feet to be on solid ground. We arrived at the course. The pit had actually been filled with water that morning. It looked pretty nasty but at least there was more than just a pit full of mud. (Actually, I think Flood preferred the mud and muck. The guys who didn't complete the swing across always looked so funny when they crawled out covered with mud.) Jasper and I were in the same four-man team. We always were. We cleared the pit with ease and raced for the wall. Now this wall was about twenty-five feet high. There was a rope web we had to use to climb the wall, then we'd go over the top and climb down the other side. It was supposed to simulate climbing on board a ship at sea from some type of landing craft. Jasper and I hit the wall first and began to climb. Jasper didn't like this wall. In fact he hated climbing over it. But we started up the wall together. I was yelling encouragement to him as I always did. We had to get over the top before the rest of the team caught up with us. We climbed like crazy, not looking down, because that was what always made Jasper freeze up. We got to the top. The rest of the team was about half way up. "Come on, Jasper," I yelled. "You can do it. Over the top. Then it's downhill all the way." We came to the top. I was about half a yard ahead of Jasper. He was pushing to catch up. I threw one leg over the top, secured a foothold on the other side and began my descent. Jasper was right behind me. He threw his leg over, holding on to the top of the wall. Jasper crawled over the top of the wall to begin climbing down. He couldn't find his foothold. I was about a yard below him and yelled directions for him to move to right. "No, that's too far, man. A little left." He couldn't find where to put his foot. His hands slipped just as he caught his foot in the web. Jasper fell past me, head first to the base of the wall. He didn't move. As soon as I hit the wall's base I could see that his head was at an odd angle-totally unnatural. I ran over to him. His eyes were open but it was obvious he wasn't seeing anything. Just as I was about to try to pick him up, both our barracks sergeant and Sgt. Flood yelled to not touch him. Within minutes Doc Russell was at the scene. He took one look at Jasper, knelt beside him and closed his eyes with his fingers. Jasper was dead.