Date: Sun, 19 Jun 2011 20:38:25 +0200 From: Mark Gouwen Subject: Symmetry part 5 Jamie and Ste are 15 yo brothers but they are also more than brothers. They are one. Or, at least, they used to be. Several years ago, Jamie took their intimicay too far and they broke into fragments. Still nursing their hurt two years later, they'll have to do something or be overtaken by the facts. Category: gay male / highschool Part 5 of a series LtHawk ========================================================== Symmetry Part 5 by Sandboy I'm bawling my head off. Deep, jerky breaths in and out, tears streaming down and mingling with the hot water cascading down my body. Fuck, fuck, fuck, I have to stop crying now.. Jamie'll hear. I swallow and swallow again, screw my eyes shut in an effort to stop the torrid flow of tears. It doesn't work.. there he is. I hope the bastard feels all proper, his privates safely ensconced in that towel. Privates.. bah! Used to be my privates were visible, just a part of my body to explore. He looks at me and I feel shame. I look at me with so much sympathy, so much caring... I am sorry for distrusting us so much. And I am right.. the towel falls away and my other self is with me, holding me in my arms. Caring, supporting, strengthening, finally one. His arms around my back, hand on my ass, his chest against mine, face against mine, legs, especially knees, toes on top of eachother's. Wow, I've grown. Strong arms, strong legs, hardness that is new, even my flaccid cock is something that pushes against thigh instead of just being squashed. "Stand up you twat," I tease, eventually. "Pull yourself together." Makes us smile. Stupid language.. didn't I tease? Well, it was him, Jamie-me. All I know is I can stand on my own now, that the tears are stopping to flow from our.. my eyes. We gaze in eachother's eyes. It is wonderful, we are rebuilding ourselves again, even the damaged fragment that is me-alone now understands. My hurt comes out and Jamie sees and understands. He puts his hands on our shoulders and forces a smile. It says everything: comfort, understanding, optimism, sure of self, all of that and more. Whatever the right word is, one-ity? Singularity is something space we talked about in school so that can't be it. But plural we ain't. "OK?" Nod. Our bodies step back, create distance again, but that is not important. We are close again. Not one, not yet but it just may... when I look down I notice Jamie's flaccid cock. So it was his. My own is hard again. When I see his smile though, I shove the disappointment away. What we feel and what's going on is not for hurts in that clumsy language we speak. It is for feeling and holding, being. That will come. Jamie is drying himself off again and I do the same. Faded jeans, woolen socks, t-shirt. Dressed and hair combed into the sickening display that mom likes to see. We walk downstairs and are just in time to help place the dishes on the big table. The young ones run around like mad monkeys on acid. I think about simply kicking one and making him fall. He'll start screaming and all the others will come and watch. I decide against it. We run less risk of being knocked over but then we'd have the awful noise. Pie and Mash with parsley licquor! One of our all-time bestest favourites! Specially since mum makes it with eels, like it's supposed to be made. Six year old Lizzy goes into hysterics because she's not allowed alcohol and has apparently concluded this means she won't get any food. Jamie cuffs her lightly over the head and bends over to explain. Mum and Dad are praying, I sniff deeply and enjoy the smell of real, true, traditionally made Pie and Mash. Our city-slick, hoity-toity nephews are horrified by this 'old-fashioned farm crap'. We know better. Always the same at Christmas. Even the other grown-ups stare a bit at mum's good. Some of the nieces can be made to throw up by telling them how the eels are skinned. Great fun! Jamie.. I skin fish and game all the time. Mum doesn't like to do it and I.. we are happy to help out. Our huge grins and shiny chins tell the story quickly enough but we know dad gets testy when we don't compliment mom. We want to see an action movie that only ends at eleven thirty so we better be on our best. To be honest, this is the most scrummiest ever and ever! "This is great-" "mum, bang on food!" When mum goes into the kitchen later and returns with a huge dish of Spotted Dick, the party is complete. ----- After doing the dishes, we're in the apple tree in the garden again, enjoying the smell of freshly mown grass, the cooling air and the first stars coming out. Used to be our usual spot. Can be again. "Oi mate," I say wistfully. Wistfully on purpose, that is! "Do you think shoes go to heaven?" Jamie looks at me as if I'm barkers. "Course not! Why?" He bites! With exagerated care, I say "Don't forget, shoes have soles." I laugh, freely for the first time in years. Loosing my balance, I land with a thud in the grass below. Jamie is on top of me in a flash, tickling me everywhere he can reach. "Take that! For telling the worst joke we ever told!" "Hahahahaha! Stop! Noooo! Hahahahahahahahaha.." A minute later, we stop. Jamie is still on top of me. Gazes deep into our eyes. We return the gaze.