By Waddie Greywolf
I lay in my bed
with someone or something gently holding my hand. I didn’t dare
open my eyes for fear it would become fearful and vanish again. I
tried to communicate through my hand I wasn’t afraid,— then, I had
another idea. I spoke to it very quietly.
“I’m going to
open my eyes now. Please don’t be afraid and go away.”
I heard the
spirit make a deep sighing sound. I slowly opened my eyes to
look. I could see it was the same man; however, his face was
still hidden from me. I could see him a little better than the
last time and the shape of his face was familiar, as if I knew him from
somewhere. I looked at him holding my hand.
“Can I help
you? Do you need something? What do you want of me?”
I could see a
faint smile cross his lips, but he didn’t try to speak.
“Can you take
your helmet off so I can see your face.”
He slowly shook
his head, ‘no,’ and I could swear I saw tears running down his cheeks.
“Can you come to
me again in my dreams and tell me what you want?”
Again he slowly
shook his head, ‘no.’
frustrated. He only stayed for a minute or so longer; then,
started to fade. I begged him not to go,— to stay with me for a
while longer. I don’t know why I asked him to stay. There
was just something about the feeling I had when he was standing
there. Once again he vanished. He didn’t come to me that
night in my dreams.
* * * * * * *
I was still in a
good mood the next day working with little Gip and Waddie Buck;
however, I was a bit more reserved than the day before. They both
noticed it. We took a break in the middle of the afternoon and
had some more of the cooler of lemonade Cindy made for us.
yore’ mind, cowboy?” little Gip asked me, “You been pretty quiet
most of the day.”
you mad at us or some’um?” Waddie Buck chimed in.
it’s jes’ I had a bad dream last night, and I been think’n on it all
day. J’ever have one a’ them dreams what seems so real you could
swear it was?”
They both nodded and agreed.
“Well, I’m jes’
glad it weren’t some’um stupid we said or done.” said little Gip.
never think that. Don’t think either of you men would be capable
of making me feel bad or mad at cha.’ I apologize, I guess I
ain’t been the best to work with today.”
“Hell, we got
jes’ as much work done as we did yesterday,— maybe more. We’ll
have this job finished by the end of the week, for sure.” Said
Waddie Buck. His brother agreed with him. “Y’ain’t bother’n us
none, brother, we’s jes’ concerned about chu.’”
I’ll be better tomorrow.”
“Must a’ been
one hell of a dream.” commented little Gip.
was.” I replied.
* * * * * * *
We worked until
the sheriff rode out to get us, then rode back to the barn with him to
clean up for supper. Once again he was all compliments about how
much we got done and agreed we’d probably be finished tomorrow. I
was so tired I really just wanted to clean up and go to bed, but I knew
better than to go without food. When you’re working that hard
everyday you need the food to fuel your body, so I walked up to the
house like the saddle weary cowpoke I was. Gip saw me coming and
held the back screen door for me. He was grinning real big at me
knowing I was tired.
Son?” He asked.
“Won’t lie to
you, Sheriff,— I’m tired. My ass is dragging.”
you! You won’t be so exhausted when you start work for the Lazy
8. Don’t feel alone. I had to raise my voice at the boys to
get them to clean up for supper. They were ready to drop in their
tracks. I’s on my way out to your coach to make sure you came up
for dinner. You men need your food.”
We went into the
dinning room where everyone was waiting. We joined hands, Gip
said a small prayer, and sat down to eat.
“There’s a rodeo
two towns away from us this weekend. It’s a little larger rodeo
than ours was and pays a good bit more money than our town could
afford. You men interested in going?”
he just say rodeo? Gip smiled at us knowing he wouldn’t get any
arguments. Suddenly, I didn’t feel quite so tired, and I noticed
little Gip and Waddie Buck straightened up in their chairs like they
just woke up.
“I’d sure like
to go.” Said little Gip. Waddie Buck didn’t say anything.
“I wouldn’t mind
going, either, Sir.” I added my two cents. I noticed big
Gip was particularly watching his younger boy.
“How ‘bout chu,
Son?” Gip asked Waddie Buck.
“Who’s gonna’ be
rope’n with who?” He asked looking at his dad.
“I thought we’d
let little Gip and Casey rope as a team and you’n me’ud team up
face brightened as a big smile came across his handsome young face.
like that, Dad. I’d like that a lot. I don’t never git to
rope too much with you. Sure,— I’d love to go.” He
take off early tomorrow, ride out and help you men finish up.
We’ll knock off early, have a bite to eat, load the ponies and leave
tomorrow evening. We’ll take our motor coach.”
We all agreed.
* * * * * * *
That evening I
was sitting in my trailer. I just showered and was getting ready
to go to bed when a thought came into my head.
‘I wonder if my
little brother’s contacted Griz yet?’
‘Yes, he did,
‘Oh Lord,— it’s
good to hear from you, Griz. Please don’t call me ‘Mr.,’
Griz. I know you respect me, and I hope you know I love and
respect you, too.’
‘I love you,
big man. How’s things with you?’
‘I’m alone in my
den this evening, but I ain’t lonely. I’m happy and
content. I would like to see you again sometime. My den is
always open to you.’
Griz, and you don’ t know how good that sounds to me right now.
Master Waddie’s gone on with his run, and he’ll be starting a new life
with Mr. Titus as his slave. I couldn’t be happier for them;
however it has left me a bit blue.’
‘Don’t be down,
Casey,— there’s a lot of good folks who love and care about you.
Your dad is a treasure. Bubba Logan let me share yore’ daddy one
night, and he’s a good man. Cain’t remember when I unloaded as
much as I did that night.’
‘I’m proud of my
dad and you’re right, he is a treasure. I guess I’m missing him
and my brothers a lot.’
‘But chu’ got
some wonderful things what are beginning to happen in your life.
Bubba Logan tells me you been having a visitor.’
‘Yes, Sir,— I
was falling asleep last night when I felt him take my hand. I told him
not to be afraid or vanish. I opened my eyes and talked to him
for a couple of minutes, but he never responded except for a deep sigh;
then, he vanished. I still didn’t get a good look at him, but
there’s a warm feeling comes over me when he’s around. I know he don’t
mean me no harm. He ain’t an evil spirit. There’s
something very sad but familiar about him.’
‘Why do you
think that is, Casey? Who do you think he might be? You all
ready know in your heart who he is, but chur’ not letting your brain
hear your heart. Listen to your heart, Son. What does it
crying. I don’t know why, other than the soft, quiet way Griz
insisted I all ready knew the answer;— I all ready knew who the man
was. I looked deep into my heart, and I saw him standing there in
his military fatigues without his helmet. I saw a man of great
sorrow; a man if infinite grief; a man of a gentle nature, but strong
spirit, with tears streaming down his handsome, confused face as he
looked pleadingly back at me. It was like looking into a mirror at
myself dressed in military fatigues, but it wasn’t me; it was the
spirit of my Uncle Seth Quee.
flashed across my mind in an instant. The revelation flooded into
my soul and really set me off. I broke down into heavy
sobs. Griz never said a word. He didn’t have to. He
knew I understood who the apparition was. Griz was still with me.
He witnessed everything. I could feel his strong presence almost
like he was physically there. He had his giant, mental arm
around me pulling me up close to him.
cowboy? Ya’ know,— even cowboys need to cry once in a
while.’ He stated as a fact.
big man. I needed that. I ain’t real sure why, but I
feel better. Griz,— I feel so bad for him.’
‘That’s why you
were crying, Casey. You know he’s bewildered, confused, and
hurting. He’s reaching out to you.’
‘Can I help him,
Griz? I’m willing to do anything I can to ease his pain.’
‘Yes, there is
something you can do. He knows you’ll help him, but he ain’t got
the strength right now to talk with you about it, but hopefully,— he
‘Why is he
coming to me, Griz? Do you know?’
‘It’s all inside
you, Casey,— the answers to those questions. You need to answer
them for yourself just like you done a minute ago. Other things will be
revealed to you later as you need them. I could tell you
everything, but it wouldn’t have the same impact on you as self
discovery. You have to live this moment in your life for yourself
and for your uncle.’
‘He’s lost.’ I
told Griz without thinking, ‘He’s weighted down with guilt, sorrow and
grief over what he done to his dad.’
right, — but the most important thing,— the greater connection between
you?’ Griz gently probed.
A fleeting revelation crossed my mind
He never left me
for a moment, but Griz let my statement sit for several minutes until I
realized the full impact of my evanescent epiphany.
‘He is, — but he
ain’t. He’s a part of you, Casey. There’s a
difference. He is you, but it’s only a tiny spark of his soul he
gave you in your mother’s womb the night he died in Nam. You recognize
that spark as part of you and you’re right, your Uncle Seth contributed
to the spark of your beginning; however, you also have a strong spark
from your dad and your beautiful momma.
T’ain’t many men
walk’n ‘round with souls what’s got the spark from three strong, good
people. I knew’d there was some’um special ‘bout chu’ the minute
I tried to touch your mind and you blocked me. Only had that
happen a couple a’ times, and they weren’t all human neither. One
was an elephant named Ms. Sophie who used to live with us here on
the ranch. She learned how to block me out of her mind. She
didn’t do it much; just when she didn’t wanna’ hear some’um she
You and your
Uncle Seth are closer than brothers. You’re closer than identical
twins. It was his gift to you, your dad and mom, Casey. A
part of him will always dwell in your heart. That makes you a
part of him as well.’
‘You mean,— I’m
my uncle reincarnated? I’m a clone of him?’
that ain’t it a’ tall! You’re your own man, Casey. You’re
Casey Longhorn. You always will be. He could only give you a tiny part
of himself, a spark for you to build on, but in doing so, he couldn’t
get to the other side; he wasn’t a complete spirit. He didn’t crossover
when he should’ve. They came for him, but he refused to go with
them. He never counted on dying in Nam and thought he’d have time
afterward to make things right with his dad. The arrogance of youth was
his undoing. There’s a lesson in that.
roaming all these years hoping against hope for a miracle to gain back
what he lost so’s he might be whole again and crossover. To do that,
your uncle has to hear his dad forgive him his trespass against him,
and you must give him a spark of your well developed soul to make him
whole again. His spirit don’t even know it, but you’re his miracle,
‘Why didn’t he
jes’ go to his dad and ask his forgiveness? Why hasn’t he come to
wouldn’t let ‘em. He has a lesson he wants Seth Quee to learn. He
has a lesson he wants your granddad to learn. He has a lesson for
your dad, and He has one for you. He also has a couple of lessons
for several other folks I can’t tell you about right now.’
‘I won’t ask how
you know, Griz. I know how you know, and I’m grateful for your
‘He told me
you’d know and understand; said ju’ was a good man, Casey. He loves you
a lot, and He told me to tell you, not to worry about chur’ dad,—
you’re doing the right thing;— you’re following your heart; you’re
doing His will right now.’ Griz said with a smile in his voice.
‘Will I be able
to communicate with my uncle?’
‘Yes, but we
have to help you with that. Ask everyone you know,— except your
dad, of course,— to pray for your uncle. Ask our Father to give
Seth Quee the strength he needs to communicate with you; ask Him to
forgive Seth his arrogance, his lack of faith and to allow you to help
him. Don’t be afraid to ask Him for a miracle, Casey,— He
specializes in them.
I’ll talk to Him
on your and Seth’s behalf, but you must talk to him, too. Have my
good buddy, Bubba Logan and Dwayne talk to him. Have Dwayne’s dad
talk to him; that old cowboy and our Old Man is on a first name
basis. Ask Bubba Logan to explain what’s needed to his dad and
Sticker. Ole Sticker’s pretty high on the Old Man’s list of good
men. Ask Sheriff Claymore and his family to help. They’ll
be glad to, and, of course, ask Bubba and his boys. Our Old Man
thinks pretty highly of them men, too. It won’t take long.
Seth Quee will understand what’s happening, and as he starts to gain
strength and comprehension, he’ll become less confused.’
‘How can I thank
‘You all ready
done done it, cowboy. You freely gimme’ your love without
expectations,— and I hope to share more with you.’
‘You will, bear
man,— I promise,— you will. How will I give my uncle a spark of my
worry none ‘bout that. When it comes time,— you’ll know,— and it
will be done. Our Father will take care of that.’
‘I love you,
‘I love you,
too, Casey. Goodnight.’
man,— and thanks again.’
* * * * * * *
The next day I
was walking on a cloud. I was in great spirits. I was up
earlier than usual and was in the kitchen helping Cindy before the rest
of the family was up. The Claymore girls, Ruby Rose, the oldest
and Linda Sue, the youngest drifted downstairs to help their mother,
but she waved them away.
ya’ll go get dressed. I got enough help. Casey and me,— we’uns
got breakfast under control.” Cindy used the vernacular to be
She grinned and
winked at me. I smiled at her, lowered my head and blushed bright
red. That got a giggle from Cindy, she started me giggling until
we were holding each other laughing. Gip walked into the room.
interrupting some’um, here?” He asked raising an eyebrow in a
are!” Shot back Cindy. “Best laugh I’ve had in a while,
watching Casey turn nine shades of red when I winked at him.”
Gip laughed at
Cindy, walked over to her and gave her a quick kiss.
morning to the both of you. What chu’ doing up so early, cowboy?”
“I had two
visitors last night, Sheriff. I’m jes’ so excited about what’s
happening and what’s gonna’ happen,— I couldn’t sleep no more,— I got
“Here,— on the
ranch,— they came to your coach?” asked Cindy. She was amazed
anyone could get by the dogs or the patrol geese unnoticed.
people, Mrs. Claymore,— well, it was but it weren’t.”
“Uhhh, I have a
strange feeling I know about this. You told me ‘bout chore’
little brother, Sidney Wainright’s boy, and I have to guess the other
must be Griz. He visits me once or twice a year. Most times
when I’m down or feel’n sorry for myself. He comes to me and kicks me
in the butt, but he does it in a kind, understanding way. He’s a
good man. I know he walks with God. He spooks Cindy,— she won’t
let him talk to her no more.”
Casey, I got enough going on in my head.— I don’t need nobody in
there talk’n to me. I jes’ couldn’t get used to the cold shivers
running up and down my spine ever’ time he done it.” She threw
back her pretty head and laughed. “Oh, and by the way,— I’m tired
a’ you calling me ‘Mrs. Claymore.’ It makes me feel old, and no
woman likes to feel like she’s get’n old. ‘Sides, you’re
family now,— either call me ‘Cindy’ or ‘Mom,’ either will
Cindy. I know what chu’ mean about Griz. It was startling
for me’n my brother at first, but now we’s so use to Logan dropping in
on us at the most inopportune moment we jes’ learned to accept it;
however, it comes in handy once in a while. My brother Dwayne
learned how to lock him out if’n he didn’t want him roaming around in
his head, and he taught me to do it. Now, I can lock my little
brother or Griz out if’n I don’t want them in my head. You’re right,
Sheriff, one was Griz, but the other was someone else who’s trying to
communicate with me from beyond.”
Lord,— I hope Griz is helping you with it?”
I ain’t heard from Griz since we left Tucson. I suppose I
could’ve. All I’d have to do is send out a thought in his
direction, and he’d pick it up. I jes’ never thought about it;
however, this spirit’s been coming to me since Tuesday night.
Last night I woke up and he was holding my hand.”
“I don’t know if
I wanna’ hear anymore of this. Chills are starting to run up my
spine.” said Cindy.
“You have to,
Mom Claymore. I’m gonna’ ask you and all my new family, here, to
help me.” I pleaded with her.
“Do you know who
the spirit is, Son?”
“Yes, Sir,— Griz
done helped me understand who he is and what he wants. It’s the spirit
of my Uncle Seth, Sheriff.”
“Oh, my Lord,—
it makes perfect sense though.”
By that time
little Gip, Waddie Buck, Ruby, and Linda Sue were standing around the
table. They heard just enough of our conversation to whet their
interest. Gip took Cindy’s and my hand and nodded for his
children to do the same. We all joined hands around the table.
“Would you like
to say ‘grace’ this morning, Son?”
Sheriff, I would. Heavenly Father, bless this food we are about
to eat; let it nourish our hearts, minds and spirits to live each day
being the best person we can in our work, play and for each
other. We pray for the poor and sick. Heal them and give them
comfort, Father. We thank you for your many blessings, your
goodness to us, and bringing us together as family. Also, Father,
we pray for my Uncle Seth Quee,—” I felt Gip squeeze my hand and heard
him let out a small sigh, “forgive him his trespass against his dad,
Holy Father; forgive him his sin of arrogance and lack of faith; give
him the strength he needs to tell me how I can help him, Lord? We
ask these thing in the name of your son, Jesus. Amen.”
the rest of the Claymore family.
“Oh, my God,—
excuse me, Lord,” little Gip looked to the ceiling and apologized to
God, “your Uncle Seth came to you? No wonder you were bummed out
yesterday. It was weighing heavy on your mind,— right, brother?”
but, I didn’t know who he was yesterday. I didn’t know until last
night. I’m sorry I didn’t tell ya’ll then, but I though chu’
might think I was crazy.”
brother, we done hear’d enough stories from our dad, his dad and our
great granddad to know there’s some pretty miraculous things what
happened to them. We know Griz, too. We know what he’s
capable of.” said Waddie Buck.
breakfast, and I was asked a lot of questions. Little Gip and
Waddie Buck heard the story of Curtis Langtry’s youngest boy raping
him, but obviously the Claymore girls hadn’t.
did your uncle do against his dad that was so bad, Casey?” Ruby
The sheriff came
to my rescue.
“You know in the
bible how the word “ to know” someone means a little more than just
being acquainted with or recognizing them?”
The girls nodded
their head they understood and began to get a blank look on their face.
Langtry,— Casey’s granddad,— kicked Casey’s dad, Vince Langtry,
out of his home before he finished high school for a couple of sexual
indiscretions. Seth Quee, Vince’s brother and Casey’s uncle
thought his dad was a hypocrite. In support of his brother, whom
he loved very much, Seth Quee left his father’s house one night, never
to return; however, before he did,— he roped,— hog tied,— and ‘knew’
There was dead
silence around the table as the meaning of Gip’s words sunk in.
The girls didn’t offer any comments. They just shook their heads
in confusion. Gip misread their negative head movement and
thought their action might be one of condemnation.
“Now,— let me
make one thing perfectly clear,— no matter what you’ve read or heard
about such things,— no one in this house will judge another. We’ve
raised you kids to be tolerant and understanding. We’ve taught
you to love unconditionally and to be forgiving. I expect that of you
now. Is that understood by all?’
Yes, Dad.” They all replied.
“How can we
help, Casey?” Cindy asked.
“I need each of
you to pray for my uncle. Talk to God, ask Him to forgive my uncle his
sins and give him strength to do what must be done for his
redemption. He’s lost and hasn’t crossed over.
I went on to
explain what Griz helped me discover and they were amazed. Like
many things of mystery, my story was too bizarre not to be true.
I know Gip, Cindy and the boys believed me. Little Gip and Waddie
Buck were a bit more worldly wise than their sisters; however, Ruby
was, by far, the more understanding of the two girls. Linda Sue was
sweet, but while she was intelligent, she was more simple of mind; she
impressed me as being fertile ground for the psycho-pathological seeds
of rabid fundamentalism; however, while she was living in her
father’s house; she would respect his wishes.
graciously agreed to help me, and I thanked them for me and my
uncle. I sent e-mails to Dwayne and Logan. They agreed to
help and got Rance, Sticker and Sidney to agree to help. I knew
Logan would get Sheriff Bard to help. He and the sheriff were in
tight with each other. The sheriff called Logan a couple of times
a month just to check in on him and most times, because he had
some problem he wanted Logan’s advice or help with.
Lamar who personally sent me a wonderful e-mail telling me how proud of
me he was, and he would be honored to help. Dwayne also got Frank
and Curley involved, who got Bodey and Flynn to help. Dwayne also
asked Spencer and Donna Winchester to help. They were thrilled to
be considered a small part of the whole of a movement to help someone
dear to them.
I sent a brief
e-mail to Bubba’s boys telling them I was looking forward to spending a
weekend with them, and I needed to talk to them and their dad about
something. I didn’t elaborate, because I wanted the sheriff and
his boys with me when I told them. Once again I thought they
might think I was a nut job.
everyone at the Broken Arrow ranch involved, and perhaps it was my
imagination, but after about a week I began to feel like I had a flood
of energy. My emotional and spiritual strength was at an all time
high. I felt like I was walking on a cloud most of the
time. Even mundane work around the ranch took on a whole new
beauty and meaning. I was beginning to see the importance in
work, life and the wonderful mystery of loving friendships.
* * * * * * *
Good to his
word, the sheriff rode out a little after noon to give us a hand with
the last of the cattle. He brought some extra goodies and more iced
tea Cindy made for us. It was a good thing. It was a
hot day and we were consuming a lot of fluids.
Gip wasn’t a man
to sit on his pony and direct work. He was a hands-on cowboy and
worked just as hard as any of his men. By the end of the day, he
was as dirty or dirtier than we were. We finished the job and Gip
was elated. It had been a ball busting week for little Gip,
Waddie Buck and me, but it was done. We were somewhat smug and
proud of ourselves. Our efforts didn’t go unrewarded. The
sheriff gave each of us a big hug and a kiss on our dirty faces.
We were all looking forward to a weekend of relaxation and
play. We were headed for the rodeo. We rode back to the
barn in good spirits. We rubbed down our ponies, feed them and
put them in their stalls. We wanted them to get a chance to relax
before we loaded them in the trailer and took off for the rodeo.
That evening at
supper we held hands around the table as usual and Gip said a prayer
that included a plea to God to help my Uncle Seth. I’m sure God
heard it, because it sure melted my heart, and it began to run out of
my eyes. After we all said ‘amen’ I quietly thanked him.
cowboy? We’s family now, what concerns one concerns us all.”
Casey.” added Cindy, “We’ll do what we can to help.”
right.” supported all the kids.
obliged to ya’ll for taking me in like ya’ done and agreeing to
help. It means a lot.”
Nothing more was
said, but I knew that evening a prayer for my Uncle Seth Quee would be
sent out from every mouth setting there.
supper, and I helped clean the dishes afterwards. Cindy finally
kicked me out the back door to go get cleaned up and ready to go to the
rodeo. It didn’t take me too long and I returned to find the
sheriff and his boys loading the ponies. I threw my overnight kit
in the door of their coach and helped load the horses. We had
some problems with the sheriff’s big stallion; however, when it came
time for Rocky to get into the trailer, I just whistled, and he
got in without hesitation. Gip and his boys were impressed.
It was about a
two hour drive to the rodeo, but we arrived before everyone settled
down for the night. Who should meet us as we arrived? Who
should just happen to be at the same rodeo? Bubba and his
boys. They didn’t say anything in their e-mail about attending
the rodeo; however, I did mention in mine we would be at this
rodeo. They were happy to see us and showed us their motor
coach. It was a nice one. It was bigger than the Claymore’s or
the double ‘R.’ Bubba was proud of it.
We got the
ponies unloaded and placed in stalls. We gave them a little extra
to eat as a treat for being cooped up in the trailer for a couple of
hours. They didn’t complain about the extra oats.
We visited with
Bubba, Vince, and Seth Quee for a while, but we were really tired and
excused ourselves to retire to the Claymore trailer. Gip decided
who would bunk it in with whom. He would bunk with Waddie Buck
and little Gip and I would bunk it in together. For some reason I
noticed the sheriff was paying a lot of attention to his youngest boy
this weekend. I thought it was probably a good thing. I
felt Waddie Buck lived somewhat in the shadow of his older
brother. He probably needed more of his dad than little Gip did
at the moment.
Bunking it in
with little Gip was no problem for me. He was a most handsome man and a
knock out of a cowboy. I didn’t have any worries about little Gip
wanting to play around either. We were both so tired we slept
almost all the way to the rodeo. We did, however, hold each other
and swap a little spit before we said ‘goodnight’ and went to
sleep. Before I got into bed I noticed Gip closed the door to the
back bedroom where he and Waddie Buck were staying.
* * * * * * *
“I ain’t never
know’d ju’ to wear underwear neath yore’ Wranglers, Son. Since
when you started wearing them things?” Gip asked his boy, Waddie
don’t, but mom bought me and Gip several pair to wear when we go to
church. I thought I’d wear ‘em this weekend in case I had to
sleep with someone; it might be more respectful.”
“That’s a nice
considerate though, but chu’ plan on wearing them things to bed with
yore’ old man?” Gip gently asked Waddie Buck like he was a little
I don’t wear nothing when I’m at home;— you taught me that, but I
thought maybe I should when I’m bunk’n in with you.”
“Why,— I ain’t
got none on? It’s jes’ you and me, Son. We’re two grown
men. We seen each other naked lots a’ times. I ain’t never hidden
my body from you or taught you to be ashamed of yours.”
“I know, Dad,— I
ain’t ashamed of my body, but that sort of thing jes’ seems to
come easier for you and Gip than it does me.”
say’s I ain’t noticed it,— didn’t know what to do about it, — but, it’s
okay,— I love you, boy. I love you ever’ bit as much as Gip
or your sisters. I guess it’s my own damn fault, — I’ve allowed
you to drift away from me, and maybe I ain’t given you the love’n you
need and deserve. I was afraid to until I thought you was old
enough. I’d like to try to do something about it, if’n you’ll let
me. So,— shuck them damn things off and crawl in here next to
your old man.”
“I’m afraid to,
Because you’re afraid you’ll git chore’self a big ole hard-on laying
next to yore’ daddy?”
Sir.” Buck said quietly.
“Well,— if’n you
didn’t I’d be worried. I certainly ain’t afraid of my old dick
git’n hard holding you close to me. In fact, I expect it
will. It’s all ready start’n to grow jes’ think’n on it.
Now, do what chore’ daddy tells you, Son, and come to bed.” Gip
gently ordered his boy.
Sir.” Buck replied as he shucked off his underwear.
He turned away
from his dad’s gaze shoved his shorts down. Set back on the bed
and lay down with his back toward his dad. Gip lay there for a
minute not knowing what to do. His big cowboy heart was
breaking. He knew his boy wanted and needed his love, but he
seemed so afraid. Finally he decided he had to take the bull by
the horns and be bold about it. He had to make the first move to
show his boy he really meant what he said.
“How a’ my
gonna’ make a little love to my boy if’n he don’t roll over here and
let his old man hold him for a bit.” Gip whispered to Buck as he
brushed his big, bushy mustache against his neck and stole a kiss.
Buck rolled over
into his dad’s big, cowboy arms and began to cry. Gip held him
tightly, and just let him get it out. He petted him, stroked him
and bussed a kiss or two around his cheek and neck.
all right, Son,— yore’ daddy’s got chu, now. Ain’t no need to
feel scared of your old man. I’d never hurt chu’ nor allow anyone
else to ever hurt chu’ neither. You’re my beautiful boy,— my
precious son,— and yore’ daddy loves you. Ain’t nothing wrong
with how you feel. Yore’ old man wouldn’t be hold’n you right now
if’n he thought there was anything wrong with it.
Damned if that
big thing a’ yours done got hard;— hard as a rock.”
reached down and grabbed hold of his boy’s hard dick. Buck
stiffened. Gip grabbed his own hard dick and held them together
with his hand. Suddenly, Waddie Buck relaxed into the bed with a
“Kiss yore’ old
began to kiss his dad. Gip was above him and lowered his mouth
onto Buck’s and slowly slipped his tongue into his boy’s
mouth. Waddie Buck began to moan and move underneath his
dad. They embraced in an extended kiss that seemed like an
eternity to Buck. It was an momentary eternity, a microcosm, of
excitement and bliss for the young man. He dreamed of this night, this
moment, holding his dad close, loving him and being loved by him;
however, he never dreamed it might happen.
shared sex and some love with his older brother a number of times, but
he didn’t go out of his way to initiate it between them. He
always let little Gip take the lead to let him know when he wanted
him. He was afraid to ask his brother for love. It was even
more so with his dad.
He suspected his
dad and little Gip had probably messed around with each other, but he
was afraid to ask his older brother. He didn’t want him to know
how much he loved their dad. Most of all, he didn’t want anyone to know
how he wanted to love his dad.
body began to shiver and shake, but Gip knew their bodies were much too
hot for him to be shivering from cold. He knew his boy was near
climax. Gip broke off their kiss and before Buck could respond,
Gip had his mouth around his boy’s dick and pumped it twice with his
big, rough hand. Waddie Buck exploded into his dad’s mouth a huge
pent up load that almost drowned Gip, but the sheriff swallowed his son
like the trooper he was.
Gip moved up to
take Buck into his arms and gently kissed him again. Buck was in
a nether world of bliss. He could taste his own come in his dad’s mouth
and it almost sent him over the hill again. He certainly didn’t expect
what just happened, but he was grateful for the experience and loved
his father all the more.
“How was that,
Son?” Gip smiled at him.
Dad. Fantastic! Would ju’ let me take you?”
“I’d be right
proud for you to, Son. You don’t have to, if’n you don’t want to.”
“I know that,
Dad. You don’t know how badly I want to take you. I’ve
fantasized about it for years.”
“Yeah, I used to
fantasize about my old man and my big brother. Later I come to
find out the man I thought was my dad, yore’ great granddaddy, was
really my granddad and my brother, Waddie, was my real dad.
Anyway, I used to dream of laying in between the two of them making
love to both.”
“Really, I never
something you go around telling a lot of folks. Nobody needs to
know more’n you’re willing to let them know. I still suck my old
man off ever’ chance I git.”
We shared a bedroll many nights when I was hiding from the draft in the
late sixties and early seventies.”
“Kiss me again,
Dad. I wanna’ taste your come.”
The men kissed
another gentle but passionate kiss. Buck moved down to his dad’s
large, erect cock and took him in his mouth. His dad’s dick had
to be the sweetest thing Buck ever tasted. He ran his tongue up,
under and around his dad’s foreskin and took his wonderful masculine
flavors for his own. He began to suck and move his head around on
his dad’s cowboy dick. He picked up a little speed and was amazed
at how much of his dad’s dick he could swallow. From time to time
he would gag, but Gip would gently put his hand on his head and tell
him it was okay; take it slow and easy.
It didn’t take
Buck long to hear his dad’s breathing change. He knew his dad
must be close and redoubled his efforts to take him to climax. He
felt his dad grab his head with both his hands and push his cock as far
down his boy’s throat as he thought Waddie Buck could take it and
spilled his seed.
Buck was not
prepared for the gusher that erupted in his throat. He choked
most of it down, but come dripped out the corners of his mouth and came
up and out through his nose. With every breath he could smell the heavy
masculine scent of his dad’s seed and taste it as he swallowed a second
and final volley from his dad. It was beyond wonderful. I
was all he thought it might be and more.
His dad once
again pulled him up to his arms and licked his own come from his boy’s
face and the corners of his mouth. He held it in his mouth and
kissed Waddie Buck, feeding him the very last of his come so his boy
could have all of him. Buck eagerly and lovingly accepted his
dessert from his dad.
“Thank you, Dad.”
Son. That was wonderful. Sorry I made it a little difficult
there at the last.”
Dad. It was fantastic. Everything I imagined. I love
“I know you do,
Son, and God above knows I love you.”
“Does this make
me gay, Dad? Are you gay?”
“The word gay is
so overused. It lumps ever’ man who ever shared love with another
man in one category with an awful name. It’s like ever’thing else in
life,— there’s different degrees of everything. ‘Gay,’— what does
it mean? I guess it means whatever anyone wants it to mean.
It don’t mean much to men like us; however, what we jes’ shared makes
you realize you like to share physical love with men. How much
you like to depends on your programing by a higher source.
My dad and me
were raised to be healthy bisexuals. We enjoy sex with either;
however, when I made up my mind yore’ momma was the one woman for me, I
ain’t never looked at another woman in all these years. Won’t
never, neither. I would never betray your mother’s trust in
me. I was honest with her afore we married. I told her I
would always love her, provide for her, protect her, give her as much
love’n as she needs and be faithful to her, but I also told her I
probably would have several male buddies from time to time. I
would never embarrass her; most times she probably wouldn’t even
know about it, but I wanted our relationship to be totally honest; if
she couldn’t handle it, not to marry me.”
“I never knew
you went with another man.”
“You didn’t need
to know ‘til now, Son. I didn’t want chu’ or little Gip being
influenced by my sexuality. Once I realized you boys was gonna’
be chips off’n the old block, I decided to tell ya’ to let you know
it’s all right. Ain’t nothing wrong with you.”
“Does my brother
“He’s the one
what’s been pestering the hell out a’ me to take you to bed and explain
about the part of the birds and bees most men don’t discuss with their
sons. He was a lot more bold than you. He jes’ told me one
afternoon when you an yore’ momma was gone summers, he didn’t
give a damn if’n I kicked his ass out,— he couldn’t go on any longer
the way he felt,— he loved me so much he wanted to show me by suck’n me
off. I told him talk was cheap,— git on it,— show me how much you
love me, boy. He fell to his knees, I undid my pants, whipped it
out and he swallowed my old dick slicker’n a new born calf what jes'
found its momma’s teat. Gimme’ a damn good blow job, too.”
Gip chuckled and got Waddie Buck laughing.
brother worships you, Buck. He’d never let no harm come to his
little bubba. He’s told me about the times you two shared a
little love. He’s wanted more, but he thought chu’ weren’t
“Oh, no, Dad,—
h’it ain’t that a’tall. I’s jes’ afraid he might think I’s queer,
even if you was to like men more’n women,— ain’t a’ gonna’ stop yore’
family from love’n ya’ jes’ like you is. One a’ yore’ sisters
might have a little trouble with it, but I hope we been raising her not
to think that a’ way. My daddy prefers men today. There was
a time h’it didn’t make him no never mind which he bedded; however,
after Nam and being a nomadic outlaw biker for years, men were a lot
less maintenance than women.”
but, I jes’ don’t know yet.”
“No one’s rush’n
you to make up yore’ mind, Son. I weren’t real sure about myself
‘til I decided I wanted more out of life than being an outlaw
biker. I came home, my granddad put me to work as one of his
deputies, I fell in love with yore’ momma and here I am, laying in bed
with my beautiful boy sharing a little love with him. You tell me
what I am.” Gip gently chided Buck.
“You’re my dad,
and I love you.”
important, cowboy,— what’s important is who you know you are. I’m
a man what loves and cherishes his wife who also happens to like to
share a little love with his male companions. You and your
brother are old enough now to be considered companions. You’ll
always be my sons and I’ll always be your dad, but there comes a time
when a father has to let his children grow up. They take on new,
more mature relationships, but they never forget their connection.”
“Is Casey,— ?”
“Would ju’ want
me to tell him about chu’?”
“Naw, Sir,— I
suppose I wouldn’t.”
have to ask him yourself.”
“Dad would ju,’
uhh,— ever consider,— uhh,— ?”
consider fuck’n you?”
“You and your
brother done it several times, right?”
“He taught you
how to clean yourself?”
“Did ju’ enjoy
your brother fuck’n you?”
I asked him to.”
“You think you’d
enjoy your old man fuck’n you?”
“I know I would,
Dad. I can’t tell you how many times I jacked off think’n on you
“Then, I don’t
see why not. You clean yourself real good tomorrow night, and
we’ll have a go at it.”
You know, Dad,— I think we’re gonna’ do all right rope’n together
“I have no
doubt, Son.” Gip chuckled.
“You need me to
tell you one more time, ‘I love you.’” Gip smiled and stole another
kiss from his boy.
get enough of my old man tell’n me he loves me.”
“I love you,
“I love you,
* * * * * * *
much use in Waddie Buck or his dad trying to hide their bonding from
us. We all knew, including Bubba and his boys. Buck
couldn’t look at his dad without blushing. His dad would smile
and wink at him. That would only make him blush all the
more. They passed the barrier of father and son and now were two
comrades who found a new source of love in each other.
big brother, Little Gip, couldn’t have been more loving and supportive
of his little brother. He knew how he felt. He’d passed that
border with his dad several years ago. He knew how important it
was to him and he could only imagine how much it must mean to his
little brother. He was by his little brother’s side all
morning. He was proud of his old man.
The next day was
spent rodeoing most of the day. The sheriff and Waddie Buck did
very well at the rodeo. After the first day they were in second
place behind little Gip and I. Bubba and his youngest boy, Seth
Quee, were tied with another team for third place.
After the rodeo
was over we sat around in the cool of the evening sharing a pot luck
supper we all whipped up. It was pretty good. We grilled
cheeseburgers on an outdoor barbeque pit. We all chipped in, went
to a store and bought what we needed. I made a huge jar of sun
tea early that morning, set it on top of our coach, and it was ready by
After dinner we
were all sitting around talking when Bubba wanted to know what weekend
Sheriff Claymore would allow Casey to visit.
“How about it,
Gip? We’d really like to have Casey come down and spend a weekend
with us. He can see the house his daddy and his uncle grew’d up
in. There’s some interesting things he might like to see.”
“It’s up to
Casey. We need him next weekend because we got us another rodeo
north of us we wanna’ go to where the money’s better than
average. I was think’n on teaming up with him next weekend, but I
think I’ll jes’ stick with the partner what I got now. Me’n my
youngest are doing pert-damn good.”
that, Sheriff.” said Bubba.
“You gonna’ tell
Casey about,— ?” Seth Quee started to ask his dad.
boy!” Bubba scolded his youngest son. “We don’t wanna’
scare the daylights out a’ the man. He might not wanna’ come
visit with us.”
“It’s all right,
Bubba.” the sheriff spoke in defense of Seth Quee. “I didn’t tell Casey
nothing ‘bout the things ya’ll done told me about what happened to
you. I thought I’d let you tell ‘em. Seems like he’s all
ready had several visits from his uncle all ready.”
“Naw,— you be
Bubba,— I woke up a couple of nights ago with him holding my hand.”
shit! We see him all the time. He hangs out around our
place. He’s buried in the town cemetery right down the road from
us. You can see the entrance from our front porch. He’s done some
wicked things to us over the years, but only because he’s concerned
about us. Most times, they’s wickedly funny.
He plays pranks
and hides things from us. He guards my boys like they was gold.
One time we lost my boy, Seth. Couldn’t find him any
wheres. Vince and I looked for a whole day; then, we called the
sheriff of our county and reported a missing child. We was
beginning to think he was kidnaped. Vince and me were beside
ourselves with worry. The sheriff took all the information and
joined in the search that day, but we didn’t find nothing. The
only thing we couldn’t understand was our old dog was his faithful
companion, but he hadn’t come home neither.
That evening it
was chilly; we’d just had a ‘blue northern’ roll in with a lot of wind.
The temperatures dropped thirty degrees in a couple of hours, so we put
a fire in the fireplace. I was sittin’ on the sofa holding Vince
in my arms as he was laid out the length of it. He was softly
crying for his brother and I was doing my best to comfort him;
although, I weren’t too far from tears myself. Vince felt like he
should a’ kept better track of his little brother, and he blamed
himself. It weren’t Vince’s fault, I sent him off on an errand
and Seth wandered away following our old dog.
All of a
sudden,— something moved in the opposite corner of the room, and I got
a good look at your uncle standing there.
I whispered to
Vince to stop his crying and look over in the corner by the gun
case. He looked over and he saw him, too. Seth came forward
jest a little and started in like he was trying to dig a hole with an
imaginary shovel. He’d put his foot like he was putting it on a
shovel, digging and throwing it over his shoulder. After he got
his hole dug, he looked like he was putting things in the hole, but it
weren’t dirt. Once in a while he would act like he was eating one
of the things he was putting in the hole. Then, he backed out of
the area and closed a door like it was on an angle. He moved his
hands together like he was dusting off dirt from them and put his hands
on his hips like he was pleased with his work. Then, he turned to us,
put his hands together and made a big ‘O’ with his thumbs and
forefingers together. He even tried to mouth the letter ‘O’ to us.
“Oh, my God,
Dad!” Cried Vince. He’s trying to tell us Seth is trapped in the
root cellar at the old abandoned Olsen place.”
With that, the
spirit of your uncle smiled, nodded his head and disappeared.
We couldn’t get
our ponies saddled up fast enough. Vince had more presence of
mind than I did and ran back into the house for a couple a’ blankets
and a thermos of coffee he’d made before we went to the barn.
We rode as fast
as we could to the Olsen place which was about six miles from our
place. The weather wasn’t cooperating either. It was colder
than a well digger’s butt, the wind was blowing hard, and it was piss’n
a cold rain mixed with sleet. It was so dark out we had to use
our six volt lanterns to light the way for the ponies. It seemed
like the darkness jes’ swallowed up the light.
We got there and
started holler’n for my boy. We heard the dog barking and
followed his sound. Sure enough, we found Seth Quee trapped in
the root cellar with Brady, our Blue Heeler. A step gave way
under him as he was exploring,— he fell and broke his leg. He
tried to get Brady to go for help, but that damn dog knew Seth was hurt
and he wasn’t about to leave him.
To make matters
worse there was a lot of wind with the storm that evening and it blew
the door shut, it latched, and he couldn’t get it open to let Brady
out. We bundled Seth up against the cold. I stayed with him
and made him drink the hot coffee to get his body temperature up.
We took a big rock and knocked the latch off the door. I sent
Vince back to the house to call the sheriff and have them send the
paramedics out to the old Olsen place. I had Vince close the door to
give us some small shelter from the storm. We had my lantern and
stayed there with him until help arrived. The spirit of your
uncle saved my boy’s life.”
amazing.” I exclaimed to them.
“Go on, Dad,—
tell Casey what he done to you.” Vince spoke up.
“Well,— I was a
pretty heavy smoker most of my life and your uncle didn’t like it one
bit. I was a pack a day man and was slowly moving up to two packs
a day. Your uncle’s spirit would get really agitated at me when
he appeared and caught me smoking.
I’d leave a pack
in my Western shit on a chair by my bed ever’ evening so’s I could have
a cigarette the first thing when I woke up in the morning. He would
steal my cigarettes out of my shirt pocket and hide them.
He would destroy them most of the time. One time I noticed bits
a’ tobacco floating on top of the horse trough. I reached down to
the bottom and found almost a full carton of cigarettes he’d thrown in
there. I knew what he was trying to do, but he pissed me off.
I thought it was
the boys what was doing it at first. I thought maybe they be
worried about me smoking and my health, but when I confronted
them, they laughed and told me about him hiding things from them he
didn’t think they should be playing with.
Vince got a
Penthouse magazine from one of his buddies and he was keeping it under
his mattress on his bed. When it came up missing he accused his
little brother who swore he didn’t take it. My boy, Seth, is a
lot of things,— good things,— but he ain’t no liar. He told his
brother about a couple of his things what was missing. They put
their heads together and figured it must be my boy’s namesake what was
When they told
me about him hiding their things we broke up laughing at the
ridiculousness of our situation. We were having to share our home
and our lives with a very active spirit. After he saved my boys life,—
we always set another place at the table for him in his honor.
He’s welcome to hain’t our house forever.
Anyway, to make
a long story shorter. I lost my voice one day and couldn’t say
nary a word. I thought I might have laryngitis. I tried
gargling with mouthwash, salt water and Vince rode into town to get me
something from the pharmacist. Nothing helped. My throat
weren’t sore or nothing, I jes’ couldn’t speak. I couldn’t make a
It went on for a
week or more, and finally the boys were so worried they threatened to
roped and hog tied me if’n I didn’t get my broad ass to a doctor.
They took me to the VA and they looked me over. They immediately
admitted me to the hospital and was gonna’ operate on me the next
morning. They found nodules on my vocal chords that was so thick
they’d grown together, they weren’t allowing them to vibrate to make
even the slightest noise. I couldn’t even squeak when I
farted.” We all laughed at Bubba’s joke.
call that shit on my vocal chords, Vince?”
“They cut it all
off and sent it to the lab. They were sure I had cancer. They
were hoping they got it all, and it hadn’t spread; however, they didn’t
gimme’ a lot of hope. I was scared shitless. You talk about
seeing yore’ life flash in front of yore’ face. I started making
“You think he
was scared, Casey,— my brother and I were basket cases.” added Seth
Quee, “We jes’ knew we was gonna’ lose our dad.”
“The next day
they got the lab report. That damn doctor was no bigger than a
minute, but he come into my room and read me the riot act. He
called me ever’ damn thing he could think of and then made up a
few. Most of all he called me a stupid, redneck bastard for
smoking so much it all piled up on my vocal chords and grew together;
however, the good news was the nodules were benign. They was what
chu’ call ‘pre-cancerous.’ They caught ‘em in time. Well,—
that little doctor put the fear a’ God in me, and I ain’t never smoked
a cigarette since.
h’it ain’t been easy. I put my boys through hell, and I went though the
tortures of the damned at first; however, ever’ time I even thought
about a cigarette in an evening, your uncle would appear and wag his
finger at me. He’d get the most awful frown on his face. I
think he helped saved me from cancer. My boys were my other
saving grace. Thank God for them or I wouldn’t a’ made it.”
Bubba put an arm around each of his boys and hugged them to him.
granddad know my uncle appears to you?”
“We told him
about Seth’s spirit saving my boy’s life, but we ain’t never had the
heart to tell him it’s been an ongoing thing. He’s visited us
many times and we wondered if’n his boy would appear to him, but he
ain’t never done it. I think it has something to do with the
guilt yore’ Uncle Seth Quee feels toward his dad. I think he’d be
embarrassed to appear to him.”
I told Bubba and
his boys about what happened to me with my uncle’s spirit and told them
what Griz told me. I ask them to pray for him, too. They
assured me they would.
“I think he’s
trying to git chu’ down to our place where it won’t take him so much
effort to git through to you. I think he done heard us talking about
chu’ being at the sheriff’s ranch and he come to find you.”
“I agree with
ya,’ Bubba.” said the sheriff. “So, I guess it’s important
we git Casey down to visit as soon as possible.”
* * * * * * *
We partied and
rodeoed all weekend. Cindy, Ruby Rose and Linda Sue came to the
rodeo on Saturday, but they stayed home and went to church on
Sunday. Little Gip and I took first place in team roping both
days. Big Gip and Waddie Buck took second and Bubba and Seth Quee
took third. Once again I won the calf roping competition. Vince
Swansey came in second.
sheriff was right, the prize money was considerably better than Chapel
Creek’s rodeo. I’m not complaining. What the Chapel Creek
rodeo might lack in prize money it more than made up for in fun and
excitement due to the folks I was rodeoing with.
Bubba and Gip
got their heads together and decided the weekend after next I’d drive
down to their place and spend the weekend with them. Bubba was
such a gregarious man he insisted Gip and his boys come along with
me. Gip told him he’d let him know depending on his schedule as
sheriff. By that time, I knew Gip well enough to know, as
sheriff, he could adjust his schedule pretty much anyway he
wanted. He wanted to talk to me before he made a decision.
He felt I might like to be with Bubba and his boys by myself.
“I thought we
was family.” I said to the sheriff looking hurt.
“No doubt, Son,—
but I allow all my boys their privacy and to develop other
relationships outside our family.”
“I think I’m
gonna’ have plenty a’ time for that, Sheriff,— I’d enjoy you, little
Gip and Waddie Buck going along with me.”
“We’d enjoy it,
too. We been promising them we’d come visit with ‘em for
months. Now’s our chance.” Gip replied.
notified Bubba the following Tuesday he and his boys would be able to
get away and visit with me at their ranch. Bubba bought my granddad’s
ranch from him many years ago. I was anxious to see the place my dad
and uncle grew up in. I was also hoping to meet my Uncle Seth.
End of Chapter
32 ~ Texas Longhorns
Copyright 2005 ~