Date: Sat, 19 Dec 2009 18:06:10 -0800 (PST) From: Jason Gardham Subject: The Love of Brothers Chapter 13 Author: J. Gardham gardham1@yahoo.com This story is pure fiction as are all the characters, it's totally from my imagination with a bit taken from my fantasies. Thanks once again to all of you who have taken the time to e-mail your comments, here's Chapter 13 of "The Love of Brothers". "The Love of Brothers" Chapter 13 June arrived with a heat wave sending temperatures into the upper eighties, and sending Jack and Sammy to the pond for a swim in the fresh cool spring water. It was one of the few times Sam and Jack had been alone and Sammy took advantage of their time together to ask questions that have been on his mind. He wanted to know how Jack and Frank had fallen in love and when did they start having sex together. Jack took time to fill Sam in on how he and Jack's life had progressed from Frank looking out for him as a child to where they had fallen in love and confessed their love for each other right here beneath the Maple tree. "My dad was so filled with anger when he found Mark and I having sex, that he went berserk screaming profanities and beating us with his fists like he wanted to kill us before throwing us out of our house and telling us he never wanted to see our queer faces again. Tears filled Sammy's eyes and Jack pulled him into his arms as Sammy to let it all out. Jack held him until his sobs finally eased. Jack took his bandana and wiped Sammy's tears away. Sam you need to understand that when a person reacts that strongly against something, it usually means they're reacting against their own suppressed desires that have been eating away at them for a life time. What your dad reacted to was finding you and Mark in a situation that he secretly had been harboring in his heart. Not necessarily to make love to you and Mark, but to be with another man in a similar situation. All those years of frustration came out in the violence he took out on you and Mark, but chances are that rage was aimed at himself for never having the courage to follow his own sexual desires. From what you, Mark, and your mother have told us your father wasn't a good provider, had petty much failed as a husband and a father. Try not to hold ill feelings toward your dad Sammy, you have not walked the path he has taken, nor felt his feelings or his frustrations at hiding who he really was or wanted to be. Society's restrictions on living as who we are can be overpowering and crippling. We're all expected to live "their lives" under "their rules" and pretend we aren't who we are. The question gay men have to ask ourselves is, who are we hiding from? You, Mark, and your mother have a strong faith in God. Does God know who we are? Of course, there is nothing hidden from our Creator, neither our crimes, secret desires, nor our lies. God created us to be who we are, and to live a life that hides who we are is like saying you're ashamed of the way God created you. "Sammy do you believe God knows what He's doing when He creates His children?" "Yes of course I do". Let me ask you this, "What to you like about being here with us?" "It's the feeling of love that everyone shares, whether they're gay or straight". "There's never a feeling that you're looked down on, are inferior or beneath anyone, there's just love from everyone you meet, it makes your heart jump with joy". "I feel like I belong and I'm at peace, it's like we're all one with God". "Sam wouldn't that be worth singing Joy to The World over?" If only the world would understand God loves us all equally. "Jack I can't thank you enough, I feel so much relief and I honestly feel love for my father for the first time in my life". "I wish there was a way I could help him". Jack went on to explain that Larry had to pay for the pain and harm he had caused, that doing so would relieve him of some of the guilt he'll carry with him the rest of his life. "What you can do is write to your dad if you would like, and tell him you love and forgive him, and pray that he'll find a way in life that will give him peace and happiness". "Jack I'm going to talk to Mark about what you've told me and maybe he and I can both write to dad, you are just the greatest, thanks Jack". "You're most welcome Sammy, now let's do what we came up here for and get some swimming time in". Later that evening when Sammy and Mark were alone in their bunkhouse apartment Sam explained to Mark all that he and Jack had discussed earlier in the day. Mark sat silently for a long time before his eyes watered and Sam leaned over and hugged him. "Mark do you think we could write to dad and tell him we forgive him for what his has done, and our wish is for his happiness". "Yes Sammy I would like to do that, who knows maybe some day we'll be able to see him again". "Since their divorce Mom has found a man she loves and makes her happy, dad is alone and in prison for what may be a crime as much against himself as against you and I Sammy" The boys sat down and poured their hearts out in a letter to their dad, not knowing whether they would ever hear from him or not, but after putting it into the mail they both felt a weight lifted from their hearts. Summer was a combination of work and fun, Mary and Elizabeth were busy making arrangements for a wedding planned for Christmas day, which seems like a long ways away but they worked like it was tomorrow. Spring planting went well with the extra help, and the stud service had grow to almost more than they could handle. June went by without a return letter from the boys father, nothing was said but there was disappointment felt between them. As far as they knew only Jack and Frank were aware that they had written to their dad, so when in July Lance knocked on their apartment door one evening holding a letter in his hand, and a questioning look on his face, they knew a letter had arrived from their dad. Mark asked if that was a letter from their dad, and Lance said yes and asked if they were expecting one. Sam asked Lance to sit and the boys explained about the conversation they had with Jack and that they had decided to write to their dad. Lance just shook his head, saying "what would we ever do without those two boys and the wisdom they carry in their minds, hearts, and souls?" Lanced handed the letter to the Mark and started to leave when Sam asked if he'd stay with them while they read the letter. "Of course I will if that's what you boys want". Mark open the letter with a bit of trembling in his hands, Sammy sat with his chin on Mark's shoulder so he could read with him. Mark and Sam, When your letter came I couldn't believe my eyes, to think you two boys would even consider writing to me after what I had done. Day after day I have begged God for forgiveness for the harm I've caused you, the physical pain must have been bad enough, but the hateful words I spoke were even worse. I opened your letter expecting words of hate and contempt, which is what I deserve. As I read your letter filled with love and forgiveness my heart broke, I couldn't stop crying for hours. There were tears released that had been held back since I was a child, it was like an internal cleansing. I am filled with such shame, I was too ashamed to even dare ask you for your forgiveness, and yet without asking you have given it freely. What remarkable men you are. I doubt you will believe this but I have always loved you, so often I wanted to hug you and tell you how much you both meant to me. Something inside me wouldn't let go, it was like a vise restraining me from outwardly showing the love and emotion I was feeling. I could hear my father yelling that it wasn't manly to show emotion, in my mind I saw the anger in his eyes and relived the pain of his belt across my back. Never daring to cry I learned to close my mind to the pain, and then to my emotions. I've lived a life of cowardliness, refusing to grow beyond my father's contempt. You have succeed where I have failed. I am so proud of you both. There is no way I can make up for the hurt and the mistakes I've made in life, just know in your hearts that I do love you and always have. God forgive me for not telling you sooner. Love, Dad Mark handed Lance the letter and turned to Sammy and hugged him tightly, eyes tear filled and over flowing. What they had just read was like a miracle from Heaven. Lance read the letter and dropped to his knees pulling both boys into his loving embrace. Miracles really do happen. The news of the exchanging of letters by the boys and their dad made it's way through the family with each person feeling something really special had taken place and that there was more to come from this exchange of letters. Their mother Elizabeth was happy for the boys, and felt blessed by their dad's letter to them. There was no lingering resentment to hold on to by anyone, the breeze that blew through The Meadows seemed even sweeter. The letters continued between father and sons and the exchange of love freed both father and sons to speak openly of their lives and love. Mark and Sammy explained to their father how they had fallen in love and had grown to understand that love does not discriminate, love just is. They hoped their dad understood and would accept them for who they are as well as their love for each other. With remarkable insight Larry wrote back that he did understand and felt he had understood even before he found them together. He wrote if he had been a better man, he would have welcomed their love into his heart as a loving father should have. Larry also begin to reveal more of his inner feelings with each letter until finally he admitted to his sons that as a boy he had a desire to be with another boy that he had met in High School. He said he thought that their grandfather had sensed his attraction to other boys and in his anger thought he could beat those feelings out of him. What his father had succeeded in doing was to cause Larry to bury his feelings so deep into his subconscious as well as instill self hatred for ever having those feelings. Larry wrote that since exchanging letters with Mark and Sammy that those feelings had resurfaced and he felt as if he had been released from an emotional prison of his own making. Talking to the psychiatrist at his facility he learned that the mental and emotional prison he had been living in for most of his life wasn't of his own making, but had been put in place by his father. The psychiatrist was working with one of the prison security guards who was dealing with his own attraction to other men. During one of the sessions with the psychiatrist he mentioned his attraction to one of the inmates he had become friendly with. During break times when prisoners were free to walk around the recreation room and talk with the guards that were stationed there he met a prisoner who had been telling him about his sons and how badly he had mistreated them because they were gay, and how they had written to him forgiving him. The prisoner admitted to the guard that he realized he had always had his own attraction to men but had spent a life time denying himself. He said he had been talking to you and had made a lot of progress in accepting who he is and what he wants in life, that was one of the reasons I came to you. "Yes I'm familiar with the prisoner you're speaking of but I can't discuss his situation with you without breaking confidentiality". The guard who's name is Martin said he understood the matter of confidentiality, but wanted to talk about his own attraction to men and in particular the prisoner he was speaking of. "You've put me in a place I don't think I want to be considering the rules about guards not becoming involved with the prisoners, but the man you're speaking of is a special guy and has put himself through hell". "I'm going to make an exception because I happen to think you're both nice guys and it might help both of you to share your feelings and see where this attraction goes". "Martin, I'll talk to him about what you have told me and ask him if he'd like to have time with you in a more private setting so you can speak freely to each other". "Thanks doc that's all I can ask". At Larry's next session with the prison psychiatrist Dr. Goldman brought up what Martin had asked about by asking Larry if there was anyone he'd met while here that he felt an attraction to. Larry said there was, but it wasn't another inmate. "Larry to you think this other man might have feelings for you?" "I'm not sure Doctor, I get the feeling there is an attraction there, but I've haven't any experience to judge it against". "Larry I'd like to try an experiment if you'll go along with it, but it's totally up to you". "What type of experiment doc?" "I'm going to tell you something in confidence, the other person involved has agreed that I may speak of him openly, but I need to know if you don't agree to this that you will not reveal this person's name to anyone outside of this office". "Is that agreeable?" "I'm not sure what you're leading up to, but yes I'll agree to keep the name confidential". "Good because I may be putting my job on the line by doing this". Dr. Goldman went on to tell Larry that Martin had also been seeing him concerning his attraction to other men, and had confessed that he has an attraction to you, but has hesitated to say anything openly out of fear of losing his job. Larry blushed at hearing Martin's name giving Dr. Goldman pause to smile, "I take it from that blush that you feel the same attraction toward Martin". "Yeah, he's a great looking guy and he's also really nice and obviously intelligent too". "Yes, he is a great guy and by the way I feel that you are too, or I wouldn't be putting my job on the line for you two, and yes Martin is a great looking guy, but then so are you Larry". "I have private rooms here that you and Martin can use to talk and get to know each other without fear of being overheard or having anyone find out if you would like to do that". "Yes I think I would like to have a chance to talk with Martin about our feelings, when do you think that can be arranged?" "I can set it up for next Tuesday afternoon, and we'll see how things go from there". Tuesday arrives and Larry is a nervous wreck and wondering if Martin will have changed his mind. Dr. Goldman greets Larry and tells him that Martin is in room C and to just go on in and let him know when they're through. Larry walks in and Martin is sitting on the sofa wearing a pretty obvious blush that matches Larry's. "Hey Martin, how you doing?" "To be honest I'm a bit nervous Larry, it's funny we've talked in the recreation room totally at ease with me wishing we could be alone and now that we are alone I don't know what to say". "Just keep remembering I'm just as nervous as you are and we'll do fine". They both laugh and Larry sits down beside Martin close enough so there legs are touching, there's instant sparks between them as they both look into each other's eyes. "Wow! Did you feel that?" Without answering Larry leans in and kisses Martin on the lips, softly, gently, as Martin puts his arms around Larry and pulls him closer and deepens the kiss, touching Larry's lips with his tongue Larry opens for him and sucks in Martin's tongue as Martin explores the inside of Larry's mouth, before letting Larry do the same to him. They break their kiss and Martin says, "that was fantastic, I'm so turned on and excited at being with you". "That feeling is mutual Marty, I've wanted to touch you almost from the day we first met". Martin reaches over and unbuttons Larry's shirt pushing him gently back on the sofa, removing Larry's shirt he begins rubbing his hands over his bare chest, and leans in licking Larry's nipple as Larry gasps and reaches up to remove Martins shirt. "We need more bare skin Martin, I want to hold you against me". With Martin's shirt off, Larry pulls him down so he's laying on top of him bare skin to bare skin. Both men have rock hard erections rubbing against each other as they continue kissing and licking each other's nipples and touching each other. Martin slips his hand down the front of Larry's pants causing Larry to moan and roll his eyes, "I've never felt anything so erotic Martin". "I could shoot my load with you just touching me like that". Larry reaches down and unfastens Martin's pants and pushes them down allowing his large and beautiful cock to spring free. Circling his fingers around Martin's cock sends Martin into orbit as both men shoot their loads into one another's hands. "Somehow I think we were both a little quick on the draw here Larry", "Yes but you have the magic touch as far as I'm concerned Martin". Martin asked, how they were going to clean the mess off their hands, "there's not sink in here". Larry lifted his hand that was covered in Martin's seed to his nose and then licked his fingers clean, Martin followed by doing the same thing. "That is so hot Larry". Being novices at man to man sex, they're still shy about doing what they really want to do to each other. Martin says, "Larry I want to suck your cock will you let me?" "Only if I can do the same to you Marty I want to know what you taste like in my mouth". Martin slid down and took Larry's cock in his mouth which was still rock hard and sucked it down to the root moaning as his nose reached Larry's pubic hair. Larry tangled his hands in Martin's curly brown hair and said, "Marty I've never felt anything like it, sit back and let me show you". Larry knelt down between Martin's legs and took his cock into his mouth and licked the shaft and cock slit before sucking it down his throat, Martin lifted his hips trying to get further down Larry's throat, "You're right it's wonderful, I've never been so tuned on in my life Larry, don't stop, don't ever stop". A knock on the door brought they love making to a sudden halt with Dr. Goldman saying it was almost time for his next appointment. Larry and Martin straightened their clothes and with a final kiss and hug separated before walking back into the doctor's office. The doctor laughed saying he didn't need to ask if their meeting went well, but suggested they both go into the washroom and wet down their faces before going back to their respective areas. You two are radiating testosterone out every pore. "Come in next Tuesday at the same time and we'll discus what conclusions you two have come to if any". A couple of months have gone by and Martin and Larry have found a deep love for each other and have discussed the possibility of living together when Larry is released. Sadly Larry tells Martin that he received the maximum sentence and has a long time to go before he's free. "Larry you told me about your sons and the place they live where gays are accepted, it sound like some kind of paradise, do you suppose they could help you get an early release by writing to the warden and parole committee?" "I know they have forgiven you". "Martin I could never ask them to do that, it's what I did to them that put me in here in the first place". "Okay honey, I understand, it was just a thought". Martin had a three day weekend coming up and told Larry he was going to see his mother and would be back by Tuesday for their time together in Dr. Goldman's office. Larry told him to drive carefully and he'd see him Tuesday. Larry went back to his cell feeling about as low as he could, he'd found the love of his life and here he was stuck in prison for the majority of his life, that wasn't fair to Martin, he should be out living his life with a man who's free to share every aspect of life with him. He was going to have to break their relationship off, it would hurt but Martin needed someone better then he was to share his life with. Martin left Toledo and headed to Michigan he had taken the address of where Larry's sons lived from an envelop he found in a waste basket. After a tiring three hour drive he pulled into a farm called The Meadows. He was greeted by Chuck coming from his office in the bunkhouse. "Hey there, is there something I can do for you?" Chuck was struck by the young man's startling green eyes and dark hair that fell over his forehead. "Yes I'm Martin Langdon, I'm looking for a couple of boys named Mark and Sam". Alarm bells went off immediately in Chucks head, "what is it you want to see the boys about Mr. Langdon?" "It's quite personal, it's concerning their dad". "Let's go up to the main house and I'll introduce you to Lance, you can make your request to him". "Is there something wrong?" "No, it's just that we're pretty protective of the boys and Lance and Stan are the head honchos around here". "I see, well let's go see what they have to say then." Meeting Lance in the kitchen getting a cup of coffee, Chuck introduced Martin and explained that Martin wanted to ask the boys some things about their dad. "Well Martin just what is it you want to see the boys about?" "It's very personal and a bit embarrassing I'd rather just talk to the boys if I may". "You may not Martin, and there's nothing too embarrassing or too personal concerning the boys that you can't discuss with me". "Larry said you guys were really special from the letters the boys write him." Martin went on to explain that he was a guard at the prison where Larry was, and in some detail explained how their love affair had come about. "You need to know Larry has no idea I'm here and when I suggested coming, he said he'd never ask his sons to do anything to help him leave prison early since it was what he had done to them that caused him to be there in the first place." "Lance I know what Larry did, what you may not know is how much he punishes himself everyday." "He worships those boys, and you also for taking them in and raising them". "I know it's a lot to ask but if Mark and Sam could find it in their heart to write a letter to the parole board asking for is early release for their dad it might help. He's really one of the most gentle and loving men you'll ever meet, Lance I know you can't believe that from what he did but it's the God's truth". "Sir, I love him so much it hurts, it's killing me to see him suffer like he does believing he'll never see his sons again". Without realizing it tears were flowing freely down Martin's cheeks. Lance pulled his handkerchief from his pocket and reached over and dried the tears from Martin's face. "Oh Lord, I didn't realize I was crying, I'm so sorry Lance, I guess I've taken enough of your time, thank you for listening to me, I guess I'd better be on my way." "Well that seems to be kind of a silly thing to do when you've driven all this way to see Mark and Sam doesn't it?" "You mean you'll let me see them?" "Yes but with one condition, you are not to ask them to write the parole board about their dad". "Just tell them you work where their dad is and explain your relationship to them, they'll be thrilled to meet you, they;ve all ready have been taking about you". "Me, they know about me?" Laughing Lance said, "oh yes that's all we've heard about since their dad wrote them about you". "I had no idea Larry told the boys about me, wow". "Sounds like you two need to talk more". Well that isn't exactly easy in the prison system Lance". "I suppose not". Lance went on to explain that before Martin meet the boys he needed to know that his son Frank had already requested that our attorney's work on getting Larry released from prison. "Frank?" Explaining that Frank was the resident with all the answers to all the problems that come up, he appears to have a private line to God. "The word from our attorney's is that Larry will be released into our custody within two weeks, now keep in mind that Larry isn't aware of any of this until it happens and it must stay that way". Martin threw his arms around Lance and gave him a bone crushing hug, before apologizing, laughing Lance told him it's was a welcome jester here at the farm. "Let's go out and see if we can find those two boys for you". "Lord have mercy, here they come now riding those horses like there was no tomorrow". "What's the hurry?" "Martin, what was the first thing you and your buddies did when you got your first cars?" Laughing Martin said, "drag race". "You got it". Mark and Sam came roaring in to the corral in a whirl of dust, jumping from their horses they started walking them around the track to cool them off. Lance took Martin over to the fence so they could watch when the boys came around so they were face to face where Martin could see them Martin's mouth dropped a foot, "that's Mark and Sam?" "They have to be some of the most handsome young men I've ever laid eyes on Lance". "That they are Martin, that they are". Let's go up to the house and have a cold beer, they'll be awhile before they cool down their horses and wipe them down and feed them. "Lance I'm so excited I feel like I could explode". "Could I snap a photo of them walking their horses before we go back to the house?" "I don't know why not, give them a minute until they make a turn around the corner so you can get a shot of them head on". Back at the house Lance introduced Martin to Stan, and the others as they came in. Elizabeth came in with Mary and asked if she could fix some snacks for them, and Lance said it sounded like a good idea to him. Martin remarked that Elizabeth was surely a beautiful woman. Lance asked Martin how he would class Larry in the looks department, and Martin replied that he was one of the most handsome men he'd ever laid eyes on, and the strange part is he doesn't seem to realize it. "It's strange but I have a feeling that someone in his past managed to destroy Larry's self-esteem". "Martin the woman you just complimented is the boys mother so you can see how the boys turned out as handsome as they are", "Let me show you something that will explain Larry's behavior and lack of self-esteem". Lance showed Martin a copy of the letter Larry had written to the boys telling how his father treated him as a child. Before Martin could finish reading his face was wet with tears. "That explains a lot Lance, I wish the prison psychiatrist could see that?" "He's seen it Martin and so has the parole board that's one of the reasons Larry is being released to our custody". "I have a question for you Martin, when Larry come here to The Meadow will you be able to come with him, he's going to need your help making an adjustment, it's not going to be easy for him, according to the psychiatrist he's still caring a lot of quilt". "You said he'd be released in two weeks, when I get back I'm giving my two week notice, there's no way I'm letting that man our of my sight, I`m so in love with him it hurts". "I am so happy to hear you say that, when we're done talking with the boys I'll let them take you down and show you the apartment you guys will be living in". Lance how does Elizabeth feel about Larry being here?" "She was the one who pushed the hardest for his release, she wants Larry and his sons to live a happy life together like life was meant to be". "She has got to be one wonderful woman". "Martin you have no idea". When Mark and Sam discovered that Martin was their dads lover, they went crazy with excitement, questions were flying much faster than Martin could possibly keep up with them. Frank finally intervened on Martin's behalf, "guys slow down, there'll be lots of time for your questions when your dad and Martin move here". Martin said, "This is going to sound really silly but leaving here even knowing we'll be back in two weeks is going to be hard. There something that draws you to this place, like knowing that you belong here, it's hard to explain". Elizabeth spoke up when hearing martins comment, saying, "That's what this place does to you Martin, it brings you home, you know you belong here, you're safe among friends who are filled with love". Stan insisted Martin spend the night since he wasn't expected back until Tuesday morning. Mark and Sammy wouldn't leave his side and you could tell it pleased Martin to no end to have them near him. The weekend was more than Martin could have dreamed or even wished for. As he was hugging Mark and Sam goodbye on Sunday afternoon he glanced around at all the smiling faces trying to imprint each one into his memory cells. All the marines were there with smiles and encouragement wishing him safe journey. As he drove away all he could think of was getting Larry back here to this amazing place. The hard part was not being able to tell Larry that he was going to be a free man in two short weeks. Tuesday was their day to meet at Dr. Goldman's and Martin was having a hard time keeping his excitement down. When Larry came into the room reserved for them Martin rushed him nearly knocking him down. There were kisses and hugs, but there were also dark circles under Larry's eyes, something was wrong. Larry finally said, "we need to talk Marty". "I don't think I like the sound of this Larry, what's up?" "I've done a lot of thinking over the weekend and you know I love you, and I hope you know how much I love you"...."there's a but in there someplace Larry I can feel it coming so spit it out". ..."But you also know I'm going to be stuck here for most of my adult life and that's not fair to you". "You need to find a man you can share your life with who's free and can be a real part of your journey through life". "Let's be honest Marty, we both know I can't be that man when I`m stuck in here". Martin had a big smile on his face as he said, "yes I know that Larry". "But you are the man I've fallen in love with so you better get used to it". "But Marin it can't work with us only seeing each other here in the doctor's office once a week and I love you too much to let you waste your life on a guy like me". "Hold it right there buddy, you are my dream come true, and you need to know I'd give my life for you in a heartbeat so don't you ever put yourself down to me again". "I won't stand for anyone putting my man down and that includes you kiddo". With that Larry put his face in his hands and started to cry, Martin held him and whispered, life has a way of magically changing when we least expect it Larry, please just hang on to that thought and don't let go of it". "I'm here, I'm yours and I'm never letting go so don't try pushing me away even if you think it's for my own good". Trembling Larry said, "how did anyone like you ever fall in love with a guy like me?" "You mean how could I fall in love with the most handsome man I've ever laid eyes on?" "The most thoughtful tenderhearted man I've ever met?" "The man who has brought more happiness into my life than I could possibly dream of?" "Gee Larry it was kind easy to fall in love with a guy like you from where I'm standing". This time when Larry kissed him it was with all the love and passion that had filled his heart. "Marty I'm so head over heals in love with you, I dream of you at night, you're in my every waking thought during the day". Martin gave him a faked look of surprise, "man you really have it bad". Laughing, Larry pulled him in for a teeth grinding kiss that took his breath away. After some wonderful love making they each had to go their separate ways until the next Tuesday when they would meet again in Dr. Goldman's office. When Larry entered his cell he saw something laying on his bed, picking it up he saw it was a photo of two handsome young men walking their horses. Looking closer he nearly fainted when he realized it was Mark and Sammy in the picture. How handsome they are, he kept rubbing his fingers over their faces as if he could actually feel them. "Hi dad, keep the faith you'll be home soon". "Oh yeah Martin's a great guy, he's a real keeper". Larry nearly jumped out of his skin as he did a 360 finding he was still alone in his cell. "Life has a way of magically changing when we least expect it Larry, please just hang on to that thought and don't let go of it". Jason Gardham