Date: Wed, 6 Mar 2019 11:12:08 -0500
From: CN
Subject: The Summer of '92 Part One

Summer was the best. It was 3 months of unsupervised but welcomed truancy.

Latch key kids.

We lived in a three-bedroom modest home in southern California. We didn't
live in the big cities, but in the desert...

...the farmland. Modern science created a breadbasket in the driest valley
in the state. Through irrigation and large machinery, the valley was an
oasis. Palm trees, fields of alfalfa, and soaring desert heat...

...the desert valley the only place children should live.

Our only reprieve, besides the always running air conditioners, were the
manmade lakes. Sunbreak, a two-lake system created by water redirected from
the Colorado River, was placid and black, and most importantly cool in the
summer.

With no parents, no adult supervision, just our own authority, the lake was
our kingdom, our home away from home, our...well I've already said, home
and ...oasis. Everyone from our small town went there and with school out,
so did us kids.

I was able to go out by myself to the lake with my cousins around the age
of 13. Okay, maybe like at 10. We had no supervision. We never died. We
didn't die, so I guess it was alright.

The summer between 8th and 9th grade, I think I was about 14, was really
the last hoorah. High school changes everything and I had a rough time of
that. Being gay. Gay wasn't the issue, not having any recourse to discuss
or understand or outlet, that was the issue.

It doesn't matter. It was that one summer day, when Christy and I decided
to buck off everything and go to the lake.

The day was beautiful. Some minor clouds in the sky, hot as fuck, and crisp
water. I didn't mind the shirtless boys in shorts. And the lifeguards in
their orange shorts and bronzed skin were welcome. The eyes are key to a
horny teenager's soul.

And right hand.

My mind wandered as did my eyes.

I was there with my cousin Christy. She was beautiful. The boys loved
her. I didn't really understand it, but I felt a pang of jealousy. It hit
me when we were learning to dive and the lifeguard, in his orange tiny
shorts filled with a bronzed swimmers build body. He was Latino, muscular
and smart, and handsome. Christy went first and he took his time with
her. Gently as can be, discussing, in his most dulcet tones, the how to's
of driving. He was so encouraging. As she bent over on the board, he placed
his dark hand on the small of her back. I don't remember what he or she had
said, but they laughed. Her kerplunk into the water was rather graceless,
but he praised her loudly and helped her up from the ladder.

"You did such a good job. You're a natural." His hand was at the small of
her back again. He couldn't be more than 16 or 17.

"Who's next?" He asked. I nervously walked up. "Did you hear all that?" I
nodded. "Well, bend at your knees and go for it." The lifeguard walked
away. He didn't even watch me jump. I landed on my belly and I can hear
their laughter. Again.

"Better luck next time Chuck." My name wasn't even Chuck.



We rented an inflatable innertube for $2.00, so that we can go into the
deeper end and make the most of our time. This is what all the older kids
did. I was having more fun this time. Trying to forget the lifeguard and
his arms.

I jumped from the tube and into the water opening my eyes in the murky
water trying to find a fish. Time for air, so I go up and I find I am
stuck. A hand was on my head keeping me down. I struggle, bubbles bursting
out of me. I start to panic...

Then the hand releases and I come up. "Christy what the..."

But it wasn't Christy. It was Victor. My other cousin. He was
laughing. "Whatcha doing coz?"

I shake the water from my ears.

"Dying," I said. He laughed some more.

"Have you seen anyone more pathetic," Victor said to Christy. She
laughed. The girl was heartless. Tougher than nails but lacking anything
remotely similar to a heart or soul. She was the devil to his snake. Or
vice versa. I don't know metaphors.



Victor and Christy were my cousins, my blood relatives, but they were not
as close.  Christy was a maternal cousin and Victor a paternal one. I
wasn't even sure that made them related. And they acted like kids on a
playground. Flirting, laughing, touching each other. They were both in high
school. Christy was one year older and Victor two. He drove. Christy was in
love or liking the attention. She didn't know the difference. Second boy
today.

It's hard to feel jealous when one doesn't understand why he is
jealous. It's just a pain in the gut without rhyme or reason.  I just
floated around the innertube while Victor and Christy talked and joke.

But then I my cousin was shirtless. Against his pale skin was the wet black
hairs under his arm. Then I noticed his nice modestly defined chest with
some hairs around his maroon nipples. Not a freckle on his perfectly smooth
skin. He gave the lifeguard a run for his money, almost body twins, but
Victor was lighter.  Still tan, but white, nonetheless. Not better looking,
the lifeguard probably could have modeled, but he didn't show so much skins
so closely to me.

And Victor had a streak of hair at the start of his belly button down to
his shorts. The hairs swirling around as he got wet. I put my arm over the
tube to hang on trying to calm my thoughts and catch my breath. But Victor
moved his hairy legs to stabilize himself and I saw up into his
shorts. Hairs ran up his inner thigh and into the crease of his leg and
torso. His shorts opened so wide I could see his leg hairs go up until they
became the beginnings of his bush. The swimsuit mesh prevented any further
voyeurism. Then his switched again to get at Christy and I moved to stay in
sight. And it was even better the second viewing. I couldn't concentrate
and got lost in the sight of my cousin's thigh. A thick vein protruded from
his inner leg down to his calf, made bigger by the tube cutting off some
circulation.

I was hard instantly and it did not dissipate as much as I needed it too. I
wanted to run, to escape, to stop myself from staring at my cousin, but I
kept sneaking peeks, even when they talked to me and demanded my
attention. Victor caught me once. I swear he opened his legs wider. His
dark and black curlies excited me and enticed me.

He asked, "You wanna come up here?"

I shook my head, "No, I like the water."

Victor smiled, "You're turning red."

I smile awkwardly, "Too much sun."

"Yeah, me too." He kept his legs open, easier for me to see.



I stayed home the next day. No lake for me. I'm sure Christy was out there
again. Her skin was subline and golden. But I was sunburnt. And to be
honest, a little disenchanted with the lake. My budding sexuality was
confusing and nothing in sex education prepared me for the feelings I was
having. I had not been accustomed to the realization that I was attracted
to boys, well to the male species. Victor was older. Hairy. Bigger. I had
been plucking out my lone armpit hairs. I was self-conscious.  I don't want
to be like Victor. I didn't want to be hairy or bigger or anything adult. I
wanted to stay safe, small, hairless. But I knew that wasn't real. Hell,
Christy was visibly shaving. I wished I could.

 I didn't have many hairs, so plucking with my fingers seemed good
enough. It was.

I stayed home and played video games and ate candy. My dad got home at 3,
he left at 4 in the morning usually and came home before the afternoon was
too unbearable.

"Whatcha doing? That thing again? Go outside sometime," he said this
without noticing my sunburn.

"You know at your age, I was sticking my dick in some pussy."

My eyes widened.

My pop added, "Well, I was a dad at 16. I guess we know why." He
laughed. "When you grades drop, that's when I will know you discovered
GIRLS."

 He laughed himself out my bedroom door and outside the house into his
garage.



I was very close to rescuing the princess when Victor barged in.

"What's up girly boy?" he said.

I look at him, resentful. "Playing."

Victor looked at the screen and down at me. "My favorite. Give me a
controller."

I toss it to him. He sits down on the floor next to me. His knee touching
mine.

"Are you good?"

I nod. "Better than you."

"Sure fag," he says.



And it was fun. He elbowed me when he died by the carnivorous plant.

"You did that on purpose." He laughed and poked me in the ribs.

"Damn you're skinny." He placed his fingers on my body. I shrugged him off.

"You're a stupid jock."

Victor laughed, again , "Yeah I heard, you're smart. You don't look like
it. Too tall too skinny, ears too big. You look more goofy than
intelligent."

I throw my controller and push him away. He grabs my wrists. "Dude you are
so small."

I try to get free.

"I got you." And he gets me flat on my back.

I attempt to punch him, and he dodges. Victor gets on top of me with his
legs pinning me down. I thought about kicking him in the balls, but I stop.

He looks down at me. "Man, you are so weak."

"You cheat," I responded.

He squeezes his legs around my body, roughly gripping my wrists and arms.

Victor gives a cough and lowers his head towards my face. He brings up a
loogie.

I look at him and say, "You won't..."

He smiles and brings up more phlegm. He inches closer to my face. I can
feel his breath on my skin.

"I'll put one on you, I will. Say you are sorry. Say that you are a girl,
just a silly girl."

I shake my head in protest, "No, never."

"My loogies are legend," he says.  He gets ever closer. I look into his
eyes. He has beautiful blue eyes.  And then, we just stare at each other. A
waddle of spit hanging from his lips daring to drop. He moves a little to
adjust his legs. I panic. He must feel me getting hard. He continues to
stare into my eyes. Victor is ever so close to my face. He sucks up his
spit. Gets closer to me. I am not exactly sure what happened next. His
chest is against my chest and his legs hug my body. We rub against each
other. He brings up a loogie and presses his lips against my forehead.



He gets up before I know it, straightening his shorts. Pulling at his
shirt, bringing it down below his crotch. "Your dad says you need more
positive male influences. He asked me to come over today."

I just look at him.

"Cheer up," he says, adding, "I told him you can hang out with me. Tomorrow
in fact."

"Why tho."

"Because why the fuck not?" He asks and then poses with a smile. "We're
family."