Date: Mon, 2 Mar 2009 09:23:17 -0500
From: Blonde Blue eyes <blondeblueeyes@gmail.com>
Subject: True love 19

"Whatever you want Mikey, as long as you're happy," Did he have any idea
what that statement means? Does he really know what would make me happy?
Well he was going to know again now.  He said it, left himself open for me
to go down this road again, and for the last time I was going to.  There's
no one else around not one soul to interrupt this I was going to tell him
exactly how I felt, what would make me happiest man on the earth.  The
minute that pizza shows up and the guy is gone, every single word, thought
and feeling is going to come out.  He will either accept it or he would
turn me down and that would be the deciding moment as to where life was
going to go.

      Finally the pizza guy came and went, and I brought the pie up to the
kitchen and set the box down on the counter and then went back over to the
table and again sat down directly in front of him and looked him straight
in the eye and said,

      "Dad, you said whatever I want, as long as I'm happy.  Do you have
any idea what that statement means to me?  What it is that it entails?
Whether you do or you don't I'm going to tell you now. Once I have said
what I need to I won't ever bring it up again." He just looked at me and
nodded, so I took a deep breath and just went for it. "Dad, I love you more
than anything in the world, you have been my guide, the person I look to
when I have questions, the person that I know that I can depend on. You are
the one and only person that I know that I can truly trust and understand
me for who I am.  After the past 10 months from the point of seeing you
laying in your bed almost lifeless to sitting next to you praying that you
would wake up so that I could at least just see your eyes for one more
time. And when you finally opened your eyes and squeezed my hand that you,
I can't even explain to you what that was like for me.  All I ever wanted
was for you just wake up so I could see you again and tell you how proud I
am to be your son, but to have you back like this is truly a gift from God
to me.

      The fact that we are sitting here at home today was just something I
never believed that I would happen.  I know that what I'm about to say
isn't right according to society, or by law or by any other means except my
own.  Call me selfish, call me foolish, call me whatever you want.  But the
one thing that I know true to my heart above everything else is the fact
that I love you.  For a very long time I knew that I was `different' long
before I even knew to what extent, but I always felt this connection to you
much more than any normal son would have to his father.  And of the few
friends that I had I realized that none of them ever wanted to spend time
with their parents because it just wasn't `cool'.  I on the other hand
wanted nothing more than to be next to you.  And once I finally figured out
what the meaning was behind that I hid away, put myself into even more
solitude because I did not want you to think that I was some sick person.
Then finally after I had gotten the nerve to tell you how I felt the first
time, you told me you were going to get married and I could see how happy
you were, and that was all I ever wanted for you so I left it at that and
didn't think to mention it ever again.  And I did the best that I could to
get past it and move on just like you told me to.  And I tried, I tried so
hard even attempted on trying to have a boyfriend but it didn't work
because all I kept seeing in front of me was you.  And it just wasn't fair
to him.  And also even as great a guy as he was, and wanted to show me and
do so many things, I didn't want him to be the one I did them with -- I
wanted you to be the one that I did it with.  And then that day that I came
home and found the house the way that it was, and saw you for the first
time I felt so horrible that I had abandoned you for 4 months and just
couldn't believe what had happened.  And I do blame myself for that, but
regardless that is in the past.  Look as long winded as I am the bottom
line is I am completely in love with you.  Nothing would make me happier
than to be the person that you fall asleep and wake up next to each and
every day.  I want to be the one that makes you smile, the one that makes
you laugh and the person that you have to run and cry to if you want to.  A
few weeks ago you let me into a part of your life that I doubt you had told
anyone -- and I will venture to make the assumption that he was the man
that you experienced all of your `firsts' with.  Well here's more news for
you, I still have experienced nothing, I tried but could not bring myself
to do it, and I realized that the problem was that the only person that I
wanted to experience those actions with was you.  And if not you then most
likely never.  So there you have it, your sick perverted son wants to be
your lover, that's what would make me happy.  However regardless of what
your answer or reaction or decision may be to this I will never ever desert
you I will still love you more than anything in the world, and I'll still
be happy to stand next to you as your son and best friend -- nothing
could ever change that."

      He just sat there and stared at me, (admittedly I just slammed him
with this so I suppose some sort of shock would be normal.) just stared at
me into my eyes and I was hoping into my heart and soul.  I mean I could
not have put it any clearer than I did.  He now knows exactly how I feel,
his response is more or less a simple yes or no.  As he started to open his
mouth to say something I didn't know whether to cover my ears just so I
wouldn't hear the bad news or run away like I always did, but neither of
them occurred. I sat there completely frozen and unable to do anything but
watch and listen.

      "You're really serious about this aren't you?" And I slowly nodded my
head in confirmation "I knew that you were special the day that you were
born, I was only 19 but when you popped out I saw something in your eyes
that I did not see previously with your brothers- almost a shine.  You
actually didn't even cry, just came out quietly with that twinkle in your
eye.  I really never though much of it after that, but it's also something
you have never lost -- that twinkle is still there - to this minute I can
see it in your eye. As I sit here now I realize that you truly are the one
person that even with everything that has happened you have never turned
your back and have always put every single person before yourself no matter
what.  I admire that --where you got it from I don't know since it wasn't
me and certainly not your mother, but I'm glad and proud that you did.  I
know, I know I'm dancing around the answer.  Michael, I love you, I love
you so very much, that fact that you want me of all people to be your lover
is beyond me, but in all honesty nothing could make me happier than to
spend the rest of my life with you."

      At that point I could have died a very happy man.  Nothing else had
to happen no physical contact was needed my life was already complete right
at that moment.  After all this time all the agonizing and insanity I
finally had what I wanted and I could do nothing more than just sit there
and cry.  As my face was in my hands, I didn't realize that he had gotten
up and walked over to me and I felt his arms wrap around me and his breath
on the top of my ear, and he whispered in "I love you very much Michael and
life is going to be good to us now.  No more pain, no more being alone.
We're going to do everything we wanted to and more, and we will do it
together."  I just looked up at him and saw his beautiful brown eyes and
beautiful smile and just nodded my head.

      He then came around and took my hand and led me into the living room
and sat me down on the couch so that we were now eye level with each other
and I could see into his eyes and he could see into mine, and I again saw
the most beautiful creature inside and out, sitting in front of me and
finally he really was all mine.  In the midst of my thoughts I didn't even
notice him leaning in closer to me until I finally felt his lips touch
mine.  It was like electricity. A feeling that cannot be described in
words, the feelings and emotions that were flowing threw me at that point
were more than I could count and more than I had ever experienced in my
entire life.  His lips left mine and he sat back and just looked at me, and
for a moment we just sat there in silence, both knowing that we had just
crossed that line of no turning back.  And with that I literally leaped
forward on top of him grabbed both sides of his face in my hands whispered
into his ear that I loved him and then pressed my lips against his and as
they parted and our tongues touched for the first time, I again knew that
this was right, this was the way that it was supposed to be.

      As our lips parted and I leaned back a bit just to look at his face
again, I saw a smile and out of his mouth once again came the words `I love
you Mikey'.  And I responded `I love you too dad', and wrapped my arms
around him and lay my head on his chest and listened to his heart beat,
knowing full well that this really was the man that I was going to spend
the rest of my life with, to explore and experience each and every new
thing, discover things that we never knew existed and best of all do all of
it hand in hand.


It has been 20 years since that day, and I have enjoyed each and every
second of them being and experiencing life and all it has to offer with the
man that I truly love. . I am sure that I have disappointed most of you
with the fact that there is no descriptive wild sex scene included in
here. However, as I said when I began this -- it is not about the sex it
was about real life, and real feelings -- my feelings.  If there is
anything that you take from this I would hope that it's the idea that love
has absolutely no bearing on anything.  You cannot control who you
love. You can deny it, you can hide it, you can ignore it you can even
fight it.  But none of those actions will actually change who it is that
you really love, whether it be your father, your brother or a complete
stranger -- true love is true love regardless of what anyone else in the
world tells you.

I thank all of you for reading this and allowing me to share this with you.
As always, feel free to with questions and or comments to
blondeblueeyes@gmail.com