Date: Tue, 12 Oct 2010 16:18:06 +0100
From: Pearse Jackson <p.j1055@hotmail.com>
Subject: Understood

Note to readers: This is for all of you who feel lonely in their beds, who
try desperately not to despair. You're not alone, and I hope you find the
happiness I never have, all if you.

Understood


Chapter 1: A Lonely Night


Jamie, with a heavy heart, opened his son's bedroom door. Jamie knew if Sam
wasn't in Jamie's bed, he'd be in his own room, either crying, or.....the
other option went without thinking about.

Thankfully, and horribly, Sam was crying, and not softly. His face was
thrust against his pillow, but Jamie could still hear him. He was sobbing,
his upper back and shoulders, naked above the covers, falling and rising
fast with his sobs. Jamie stripped to his boxers and pulled a corner of the
cover across, Jamie closing his eyes briefly to find Sam naked. Even when
he was crying, the seventeen year old was attractive to Jamie; his hair, a
soft brown colour, hanging to the nape of his neck, a slender, smooth body,
and two perfectly rounded buttocks, which made you ache to caress
them. Jamie forced himself not to, instead just slipping in beside Sam.
Sam had noticed his father, finally, and his crying had ceased, but Jamie
could see the effort that cost him. His face was bare inches above the
pillow, and it looked as if he was physically choking on his tears.  Jamie
rested on his side, pulling Sam in between his strong arms, whispering
softly to his son, ''Sweetheart, cry if you need to, its ok......''

Sam stopped trying to be strong for Jamie's sake, thrusting his head in
against Jamie's collarbone as he began sobbing again, softly at first, but
then harder. Jamie closed his eyes to the sound, clenching his jaw. Sam's
cries were heartbroken, full of pain.  Jamie knew if he leaned back and
looked at Sam's face, he'd find red spots of pressure all around his
temples and forehead where his skin pushed against his skull in the sheer
intensity of his crying. But he didn't want to see that; it hurt the 38
year old man enough to have to listen to Sam's sobbing, knowing that there
was little he could do about it. Some fathers might have told him to ''grow
up'', or whatever, but Jamie knew better......if Sam wasn't being an open
wound, he was being a faceless mask. Sometimes, it was better with the
former; you could at least staunch the wound, but try as he might, Jamie
couldn't ever remove Sam's mask when he put it on......

Sam was sobbing softer now, so Jamie began gently stroking Sam's upper back
with his right hand, shivering as he felt how smooth and soft Sam was. He
was trying to be reassuring, but Jamie could still derive pleasure from a
simple touch or kiss with Sam. He kissed the top of Sam's hair softly, both
tasting and inhaling the sweet scent of Sam's hair.

Sam stopped abruptly, only sniffling softly now. His hands reached for
Jamie's shoulders and clung desperately there, as if a lifeline. Jamie's
hand drifted up to Sam's neck, caressing it slowly, not trying to provoke a
response, but Sam moaned softly anyway.

''What was it this time, sweetie?''  Jamie whispered softly, without
impatience, his lips flirting against Sam's fine hair. He heard a soft
sniffle in response, then, ''The usual......felt......lonely,
at....school......''

Jamie could feel Sam's shoulders tremble again, so he whispered, ''You're
ok now.''

Sam's body slowly unfurled from within his arms, and Sam looked into
Jamie's face. Jamie solemnly gazed at his son's tear-wet face, wiping away
a solitary tear with his thumb.

''Thank you.....,'' Sam whispered softly, his arms wrapping around Jamie's
neck as he hugged Jamie tight.  Jamie held Sam just as tight, breathing a
soft sigh of relief. It hurt Jamie to hear his son cry so hard. Jamie
rubbed Sam's back slowly, gently, as he asked, ''Do you want to sleep,
honey?''

''No.....,'' Sam quickly answered, leaning back to face Jamie, his
beautiful blue eyes gazing into Jamie's, ''make love to me,
Daddy.....please?''

The plea in his eyes would've swayed any sane man who wasn't a slave of
taboo. ''Of course, sweetheart,'' Jamie answered, his hand cupping Sam's
chin, bringing him close so their lips could touch.

Jamie groaned to taste Sam's wet lips. The salt of his tears mixed with the
honey of his lips to intoxicate Jamie, drawing his lips in even closer.
Jamie pushed Sam's lips apart with his own, not able to resist tasting
Sam's mouth with the tip of his tongue. His right hand slowly caressed
Sam's neck, feeling the softness of his skin, the hardness of the corded
muscle beneath it.....

''Oh......,'' Sam whispered faintly as he drew back, resting his head
against Jamie's shoulder. Jamie was physically shaking from that kiss, the
sheer sweetness of it, how it drew you into the moment. How it boiled the
Earth down to just this bedroom. He continued to gently rub Sam's neck,
feeling how Sam was trembling, how laboured his breathing was. He was tired
from his crying, Jamie realised, his face twisting briefly to that
knowledge. Trying to keep the patronising tones of a father out of his
voice, he whispered, ''Sam, are you sure you don't want to sleep?''

Sam's head came up smoothly, without hurry, and his lips pressed against
Jamie's, his hands rubbing Jamie's shoulders and neck. Jamie reeled from
the fierceness of the kiss, as Sam's tongue slipped into his mouth,
wrapping around his own, sliding against it. Jamie moaned in pleasure at
the taste of his son, his own tongue responding warmly.

Sam drew back yet again, but there was no weakness shown. His eyes, still
like a gaping wound filled with an ocean of blue, bore into Jamie's. ''I'm
sure......,'' he whispered, Jamie not even feeling his son's hand on his
wrist before Sam had placed Jamie's hand against his naked buns.  Jamie's
eyes widened as a slow smile crept onto Sam's face, a faint blush
illuminating his cheeks. Not able to think at this dizzying moment, Jamie
thrust his lips against Sam's, devouring his son's lips as he caressed one
ripe pussy cheek with his right hand, his left at the nape of Sam's neck,
fingers combing through his beautiful hair while the palm held Sam
there. Sam moaned in obvious pleasure, his lips opening and closing against
Jamie's as the older man did the same, pushing his boipussy more into
Jamie's hand. Their bodies rubbed against one another, Jamie feeling Sam's
nipples tauten against his own chest, Sam's hardening cock prodding against
his thigh. Jamie, as he moaned, could feel himself growing hard. He broke
the kiss, savouring the feverish light in Sam's eyes as he slowly pushed
Sam onto his back, swinging one of his knees over Sam to straddle him. Sam
rose onto his elbows, looking at Jamie's chest as he chewed softly on his
lower lip. Jamie let him savour it, as he savoured the look in Sam's
eyes. Sam reached up with one hand to slowly draw down the bedcover,
letting it slip down Jamie's back until his stomach and boxer shorts was
able to be seen. The way Sam's breath hitched as he drunk in the sight of
Jamie's naked torso fired Jamie's blood. He slowly rested down onto his
hands, leaning his head in sideways to catch Sam's lips in his, the young
boy stroking one of Jamie's bristly cheeks with a gentle hand. Looking into
Sam's eyes as he drew back, he could see the rings around them. He knew his
son was still wary; kind of regretted it, for his son was laid out so
temptingly before him......

But Jamie was a considerate man, so he said softly, ''Turn other, honey.''
He smiled a little as he had the pleasure of seeing Sam's eyes widen to his
words, felt arousal ripple through him at how Sam's lips parted. ''Ok,''
Sam whispered, making as if to move. But he settled himself back down, and
pulled Jamie's face close again with his hands, kissing him hard, his lips
simply pushed against Jamie's. When Sam drew back, he looked briefly into
Jamie's eyes, then slowly turned over, taking his time to lay his upper
body down, time Jamie spent kissing the back of Sam's shoulders, stroking a
hand down one of his smooth sides, smiling as he saw gooseflesh rise on
Sam's soft skin. He took a moment to lean back onto his knees, gazing down
at Sam's nakedness, his hands spreading out over Sam's slender back,
rubbing downwards, then back up to rub his shoulders gently. Sam moaned
softly against the pillows, pushing his back up against his father's hands
ever so slightly, but enough to let Jamie know he enjoyed what he was
doing. Jamie continued massaging his son's back and shoulders for a few
moments more, before he couldn't stand the throbbing protest of his loins
anymore. He leaned his body down once more, kissing one of Sam's shoulders,
feeling the softness of Sam's long hair brush his cheek. ''Is your lube in
the drawers, sweetie?''

Sam gasped softly, and began to tremble. Jamie loved that about him; Sam
was well versed in sex now, three months into their relationship, but
everytime Jamie uttered his want to make love to him, he reacted just the
same way as the first time. It made it all the more precious.

''Yeah.....,'' he whispered softly. Jamie kissed his shoulder once more,
then gently stood off the bed, going across the room, shedding his boxer
shorts as he went. He found the lube in the drawers, and turned back, to
see Sam's back curved to one side, as Sam watched him over his
shoulder. There was a shy smile on his ruby red lips, but when his eyes
drifted down to Jamie's throbbing hard member, his eyes widened, his lips
and nostrils flaring. His eyes met Jamie's once more, full of sexual
want. Jamie was no less needful, so he hurried back to kneel behind Sam,
his hands gently pulling back at the crux of Sam's thighs and hips until
Sam was on all fours. Jamie, with bated breath, rubbed the fingers of his
right hand down between Sam's soft cheeks, his fingers finding Sam's
boipussy.  Sam was whimpering so sweetly Jamie wanted to thrust into him
right now, but he made himself, rubbing the tight ring of flesh for a
moment, before bringing his hand back to open the small jar of
lubrication. He covered his fingertips in the stuff, then slowly rubbed
some against the inside of Sam's soft cheeks, pushing his fingers through
to grease Sam's boipussy as well. Sam whimpered deliciously all the while,
the sweet sounds keeping Jamie hard as a rock. When Sam was sufficiently
lubed, Jamie gently caressed Sam's cheeks, wanting to savour it for just a
moment. Looking down at Sam on all fours was simply far too tempting; Jamie
knew making love to him in that position was asking too much at this
moment. With reluctance, he said, ''Sam, hand me a pillow, sweetie.''

Sam complied, looking once more over his shoulder at Jamie, his eyes full
of anticipation. Jamie smiled warmly at him, caressing one of his cheeks,
feeling his lips with a thumb, before placing the pillow under Sam's hard
cock, gently pushing Sam down against the bed. Sam's breathing was husky as
he spread his hands out on the bed to either side of the pillow, huskier
even than Jamie's breath.  With hands placed on Sam's round hips, Jamie
positioned himself slowly, his bulbous cockhead slowly pressing between
Sam's cheeks. Sam moaned in pleasure, pushing back at Jamie, until his
boipussy met Jamie's cock.  Jamie stroked Sam's curvy hips slowly,
breathing slowly as if to savour even that in this moment, taking his time.

''Are you ready sweetie?'' he said at last. Sam nodded against the bed,
already making soft noises of pleasure.

Jamie slowly pushed himself inside Sam, as slowly and gently as he could,
but Sam still whimpered, his slender body pushing down against the bed. It
was a noise of discomfort, as should be expected with initial penetration
with someone as tender as his sweet son, but God how lyrical and sweet his
whimpers sounded. Jamie groaned long and hard, struggling to control
himself, as he always had so. Sam's pussy was always so tight, so hot, like
a furnace it warmed Jamie, and his tender pussyflesh always wrapped so
invitingly around Jamie. He pushed in and out slowly, not able to stay
still even though he probably should. Sam kept whimpering, oh
God.......Jamie slowly leaned his body down onto Sam's, kissing the back of
his shoulders and neck tenderly, not only to distract his son from his
discomfort, but to distract his own raging lust. The way Sam was pushing
his face into the pillows suggested he was crying again, and, worried he
was painful, Jamie lifted a hand to gently stroke one of Sam's cheeks,
touching Sam's lips with his thumb.  His cheek was indeed wet with tears
again, so Jamie whispered softly into Sam's ear, ''Sweetheart, are you
ok?''

''Yes....,'' the sweet boy gasped through his sobbing, and then he pushed
his neck back at Jamie's, tilting his head up so his mouth was closer to
Jamie's ear, as he said, ''Daddy, harder, please......''

Jamie stopped moving for a second, so shocking was that. Sam rarely said
words like that in these moments, and never after a bout of
depression....but Jamie couldn't refuse his son anything, so he thrust
properly, for the first time that night, into Sam, who's whimpers finally
turned to noises of pleasure. Sam pushed himself back at Jamie, making the
older man groan in euphoria, and just like that, they were one; when Jamie
thrusted, Sam pushed back at him, and when Jamie pulled back, Sam's buns
clenched tight, not wanting to let go of him. Jamie's soft kisses became
harder, and soon he was leaving purple and pink suckmarks all over the back
of Sam's neck and shoulders. Jamie's hips thudded against Sam's soft cheeks
every time he thrust, and every time, it seemed he buried himself deeper,
going to places only he had been with Sam. Sam was moaning sweet words,
encouraging his father, who only got hotter and hotter, groaning the sweet
thing's name over and over.  His right hand slowly crept up Sam's right
side, stroking him longingly, which Sam seemed to enjoy, his moans getting
more insistant, his soft, girlish squeals more high pitched. His hand crept
under Sam's body, finding his right nipple very much excited by their
lovemaking, teasing it between his fingers as he stroked Sam's breast.

''Daddy, stop, oh God, please......,'' Sam whimpered, his breathing
stopping and starting. Even though his movements pushed his nipple more
against Jamie's hand, almost cutting the skin of his palm with its sheer
tautness, he brought his hand down against the bed to support himself once
more, reminding himself fervantly that Sam was still weary from his
crying. Even so, his thrusts were nothing if not forceful, almost ploughing
into his son, who only urged him on with his sweet, soft noises and smooth,
tender flesh. Sam's slender, beautiful back pressed up against his chest
with every thrust, so that Jamie spread his right hand under Sam's body,
against his lean stomach, holding them together, so that he could feel
Sam's smooth body pressed so close to his, as they moved together, and
cried out together.

Jamie felt Sam getting more rigid in his hands, and knew it'd be soon.  He
thrust slower now, but with more force, driving himself in to the hilt each
time. Sam gave a strangled cry as his tender body tightened in orgasm, and
he soaked the bedsheets with his hard cock, drenching Jamie's cock at the
same time with an anal orgasm.

Jamie normally could make Sam cum twice before he needed to cum, which
meant enduring Sam's increasingly pained whimpers as Jamie made love to his
body, always so much more tender after orgasm. But tonight, feeling Sam's
thick, hot cum coating his cock, almost scalding his cock with both the
heat of it and the knowledge that Sam had orgasmed upon his ministrations,
he couldn't hold it off any longer, and thrust just once more, closing his
eyes, his chest pressing hard against Sam's back, his neck against Sam's,
as he spilled his seed inside Sam, who whimpered as he received it. Jamie's
body felt so hard, so rigid, that he was surprised his forearms, clenched
around Sam's side, didn't hurt the poor, sweet body.

Slowly, still reeling from that Earth shattering orgasm, Jamie relaxed,
leaning back onto his knees to look down at Sam. Sam's head was resting on
one cheek, his other cheek wet with tears. He was still weeping, softly now
thankfully, his arms wrapped around his pillow.

Jamie, feeling such love and tenderness for his son at this moment, felt
true joy blossom in him as he withdrew from Sam, who made a soft noise in
response. He laid down on his side facing Sam, who looked up at his father
as Jamie drew him close, wrapping his strong arms around him. Sam clung so
tight to him, Jamie feared he'd start sobbing again. But only the silent
tears fell now, as he looked up.

His beautiful hair was dishevelled, and his cheeks flushed from their
lovemaking. His eyes and lips were red and swollen from his tears. Like
Jamie had thought, there were marks on his forehead and temples, where the
skin was an angry shade of red from his tears. His cheeks were wet, his
eyes like two oceans of blue, a wounded, pain filled blue. His lips curled
in a weak attempt at a smile.

Sam had never looked more beautiful, than that moment within his arms. Like
a lost, and now found, little kitten.

He told him so. ''You're so beautiful, kitten,'' he whispered, watching as
a wave of love crested the horizons of those two oceans, leaning in to kiss
Sam, deeply and slowly, tasting him, savouring that taste. Sam moaned
weakly as he leaned back, and Jamie knew he'd have to sleep soon.  Jamie
rolled onto his back, cradling Sam's body to his side, feeling Sam's fine
hair tickle his chest as Sam set his cheek there.

He had a sudden idea, and he seized upon it. ''Kitten, you're not going to
school tomorrow, you can take the day off. And I'm not going to work
tomorrow, ok? We'll have a day, all to ourselves, hmm?''

''Thank you.....,'' Sam whispered softly, emotion thick in his voice,
''thank you so much......''

''Your welcome, kitten,'' Jamie responded, smiling happily at the
thought. Now he had called Sam ''kitten'', he couldn't seem to stop. But
looking down at him, so slender and delicate, it seemed so right.

''Go to sleep,'' Jamie urged Sam, stroking the back of his neck and combing
his fingers slowly through Sam's hair, ''sweet dreams. I love you.''

''I love you too.....,'' might have been what Sam mumbled softly before he
let sleep wash over him.

Jamie laid there, sighing out in contentment. Sam's body was so warm, so
soft. Jamie reached past his son, drawing the thick, lush covers over their
lower bodies, leaving Sam's upper body naked, so Jamie could simply adore
him with his eyes.

Jamied noticed Sam's arm strewn across his chest. His smile leaving his
face, he turned it gently so the inner arm faced him.

All along the inside of it, just noticeable against the paler flesh there,
was the evidence of Sam's self mutilation, mostly short cuts.  Three of
them, parallel to each other, seemed very fresh indeed, and Jamie closed
his eyes in pain, letting Sam's arm rest once more on his chest. He had
definately cut himself earlier today, then.......

Jamie tried to put it aside, placing his hand once more at the back of
Sam's neck, trying to put the thoughts from his mind, failing to do so.  In
the end, Sam was the one who helped, as he responded to Jamie's soft touch,
mumbling softly, sweetly in his sleep, nuzzling his face against Jamie's
chest so that Jamie felt the heat of his gentle breathing. There was a
little, but true smile on his lips now, as he dreamt of happy times.

Jamie smiled then, smiled, so happy that he was who this boy depended
on. He closed his eyes, and went to sleep.


End of Chapter 1