Date: Fri, 18 Jun 2021 11:41:54 +0000 (UTC)
From: "nilcono@yahoo.com" <nilcono@yahoo.com>
Subject: Visiting My Brother at College 12

I wake up to my phone buzzing repeatedly, but that's not the sound that
wakes me. Someone's knocking on my door. I roll onto my back and stare at
the ceiling for a second, the night coming back to me. Fuck. For once I
wish I were the type of person to black out when they get drunk. Instead I
just have a dull headache and I feel like I've barely slept, but I remember
every mortifying moment.

"Devin, it's me." Ben. Shit. I rub my eyes with the back of my hand and
groan. Ben never knocks.

I try to speak but my throat is super dry and it just comes out as a
scratchy croak, so I clear my throat and try again. "Come in," I cough out.

It's not until the door is opening that I realize I'm sprawled naked on top
of my sheets, and even if the rest of me feels practically dead my dick is
still very much alive and standing at attention. I quickly scramble under
the sheets, pulling them up to my waist and leaning against the headboard
as Ben walks in.

Ben doesn't look at me when he steps in, and he doesn't move much past the
door. He just stands there, hands in his pockets, staring at the
floor. "Hey," I squeak.

"Hey," he sighs, finally looking up at me, and walks to the bed. He pulls
his hands out of his pockets, bringing out a bottled coffee, a bottled
water, and a box of ibuprofen, all of which he tosses next to me.

My heart melts. "Oh my God, I love you," slips from my mouth as I grab the
water. Ben freezes, and so do I. "I mean, for the..." I stop. For
everything. I just do, I just love him.

Ben blushes and murmurs, "it's fine," waving a hand in dismissal. I down
half the bottle of water in a few big gulps before moving on to the
coffee. While I'm drinking Ben sits on the edge of the bed, and looks down
at his lap.

"Thanks," I say after a minute, and he shrugs. He's tapping his fingers on
his legs and chewing his lip.

"Did Reed force you to do anything?" He eventually asks, glancing at me for
a split second.

"What?! No, of course not," I splutter, confused.

"Okay," he says, holding up his hands and blowing out a deep
breath. "Well... how old were you when he first started..?"

"We just hooked up a couple weeks ago, when I visited him."

"Oh," Ben says, and raises his thumb to his mouth to bite the nail. "Huh."

"What?"

"Well," Ben shrugs. "He's always been really... physical... with you, and
you used to share a bed sometimes, even when I was here... I mean, if it
just started, are you sure he wasn't like grooming you or something?"

"Ben, I started it. I wanted it." Well, I guess Reed asked, but I was
definitely on board.

He turns toward me and raises an eyebrow, but he doesn't challenge me, just
shakes his head slowly. "It's just weird," he says.

I look down at my hands. "Do you think it..." I trail off, my eyes
watering.

"Do I think it what?"

"I don't know. Do you think it makes me gross? Or bad?" He doesn't say
anything for a second, so I continue, choking up a little. "Do you... are
you still my friend?"

"Hey," he says softly, putting a hand on my leg on top of the
sheets. "You're my best friend. It's... I don't know, I don't get it,
but... It doesn't change anything."

I sniffle as a tear runs down the side of my nose and I wipe it away. "Even
after... the other thing?"

Ben sighs and lays back on the bed, his legs still dangling off. I try not
to stare at the strip of skin where his shirt pulls up, the soft golden
hairs vanishing under his waistband. I focus on his face, staring up at the
ceiling while he chews his lip. It's bright red, clearly he's been chewing
it a lot. He didn't shave today, so he has a bit of pale stubble.

"I've thought about it before, you know," he mumbles after what feels like
an eternity of silence. "A lot." He combs a hand through his hair, pulling
his shirt up more. "I mean, my best friend is gay, and he's cute, and
wouldn't it be great if we could just be a couple? No worrying about
finding someone, because I already did when I was five."

"Yeah?" I whisper, trying and failing to smother the hope that flares up
listening to him.

"But," he says, shaking his head, and my heart sinks, "I've always been so
scared. You know how I am with girls, and it's way worse with you. What if
you didn't even like me like that? You always had other guys, and none of
them looked like me. Or, like, what if I tried and I couldn't do it? What
if I couldn't be with you like that? I mean, I don't think gender really
matters to me as much as the person, but I don't like, usually fantasize
about guys, and like, with you... well, I don't know. What if it didn't
work, if it wasn't good enough, or I wasn't enough for you, and we broke
up? Dude, fucking up what we have is terrifying. It's a bad idea."

"But what if it did work?" I plead, and he turns his head to look at
me. "Like, don't you want to try? Ben, I've been in love with you for
years."

Ben closes his eyes, and turns his face back to the ceiling, some strange
mix of pain and confusion contorting his features. "Last night you said you
love Reed. And you have Toby. And you almost hooked up with Ryan."

He pushes himself to his feet while I'm trying to come up with a
counter-argument, and stands next to the bed looking down at me. "Dev, I
don't know for sure what I want, and I'm scared, but you don't know what
you want either. You need to figure it out. Until then..." He brushes some
hair from his forehead, and then bends down to kiss me on the cheek. "Until
then, you're still my best friend. I know I want that."

I reach for his hand and he lets me take it, but he just squeezes mine once
before letting go and walking to the door. He pauses for a moment, looking
back with a soft smile, and then he's gone.

I sit there for a few minutes sipping my coffee and staring at the space he
was in, before popping an ibuprofen and turning my attention to my phone,
which has stopped buzzing now. There are a lot of missed texts and two
missed calls.

One of the missed calls and most of the texts are from Erica.

Erica Murakami: Where are you???  Missed call Erica Murakami: What the fuck
you left early?!  Erica Murakami: We didn't even get a group pic!  Erica
Murakami: WHY WERE YOU IN BED WITH THAT SHITHEAD Erica Murakami: OMG I
might have just outed Ryan Erica Murakami: I don't know if anyone heard me
Erica Murakami: I was just yelling at Geoff Erica Murakami: BUT WHY WERE
YOU IN BED WITH HIM???  Erica Murakami: You left with Ben??  Erica
Murakami: Like left with him left with him or you both left?  Erica
Murakami: We need to have a talk in the morning Erica Murakami: Why did you
get so drunk?  Erica Murakami: Did you and Ben hook up?  Erica Murakami:
Dude, what about Toby?  Erica Murakami: And omg, Ben Erica Murakami: Devin
Erica Murakami: Ok, it's 9 AM, wake the fuck up Erica Murakami: Devin Erica
Murakami: Devin Erica Murakami: DEVIN

God, you'd think she'd give up at some point. I send her a quick text,
"Felt weird, got drunk, didn't mean to do anything with Ryan, Ben walked me
home, talk later."

A few of the other texts are from Toby. Another selfie of him in costume at
a party, one saying he wished I was there, and then...

Toby Auclair: so funny story Toby Auclair: Reed punched me Toby Auclair:
will you still love me if my nose heals crooked?  Toby Auclair: just so you
know, i was just dancing, i didn't do anything Toby Auclair: Kaitlyn kissed
me but that's it Toby Auclair: are you mad?  Toby Auclair: i'm sorry

Then finally, there's a missed call from Reed at 2:30 AM, followed by a
single text a few minutes later.

Reed Buchanan: i loev u so muck

Shit. I guess I wasn't the only one with an eventful Halloween.

I slide back down the headboard until I'm lying flat with my head on the
pillow. The coffee, water, and painkiller have me feeling a lot better
already, and I don't think I can go back to sleep, but I'm not ready to get
up. I'm not ready to face the day... to face Dad. I don't want to deal with
Reed or Toby right now, either.

Ben's right. I need to figure out what I want. Who I want. Because this
isn't working.

Okay, I just need to pick one and go with it. So I get up and go to my
desk, flipping open a notebook to a blank page, and start pro and con
lists.


Reed Pros:

Really hot (oh my god his jawline, and his pecs, and his v) Known him my
whole life Always looks out for me Makes me feel loved and needed Feels so
good to sleep next to A little bossy but in a hot way Actually really
interesting as a person

Reed Cons:

Been a dick the last week Long distance Not legal (he's my brother!)

Toby Pros:

Unbelievably hot (his abs, his smile, his slightly curly hair) Really sweet
Funny and fun to hang out with Interesting Versatile and good at sex
Already my boyfriend

Toby Cons:

Long distance Bi and flirty (what happened with Kaitlyn?)  Clingy?  Not in
love with him (but like, maybe could be?)

Ben Pros:

Also really hot (toned and tan and wow, I guess heterochromia is a thing
for me) Knows me better than anyone in the world Can spend whole days
hanging out and never get bored I want to know what he feels and tastes
like Been in love with him forever Lots of stuff in common Lives nearby

Ben Cons:

Don't want to fuck up our relationship He doesn't know if he wants to fuck
me? (like, what??)  I'd have to give up Toby and probably Reed


I tap my pen against my chin as I stare down at the lists. Is there more to
add? It seems like there should be more in the balance. I mean, Toby likes
different music and stuff from me, but is that really a con? And Ben has
some habits which annoy me, like bouncing his knee when he's working on
something. And when we were kids Reed once broke one of Dad servers and
blamed it on me, and I wasn't allowed in the basement for a week.

I sigh, setting my pen and down and sitting back. I don't know if any of
this helps. I need another perspective, and there's only one person I think
I can trust with this. I grab my phone and text Erica.

Devin Buchanan: Can we go for coffee later? I need advice.  Erica Murakami:
Yes yes yes, I love telling people how they should live their lives Erica
Murakami: I will pick you up in 2 hours and 38 minutes Devin Buchanan: Umm,
okay, that's very precise Erica Murakami: Yes, it is Erica Murakami: So be
ready

I chuckle and set my phone down, rubbing my eyes. Aside from internal
turmoil, I feel mostly normal now, but I still feel a bit gross, so I grab
a clean pair of boxers and head to the bathroom to shower.

I take my time in the shower, relaxing under the hot water and letting it
wash the alcohol, and sweat, and all the other shit from last night down
the drain. I get out and brush my teeth, and peering at the light, patchy
stubble on my cheeks and upper lip, decide it's time for a rare shave. I'm
halfway through shaving when there's a knock on the bathroom door.

"Devin?" Dad asks through the doorway. "We need to talk." I gulp and stop
moving, and after a few seconds of silence he says, "I'll be in the
basement. Come down when you're done."

I stare at myself in the mirror for a long time, half the shaving cream
still on my face. Fuck. My relationship dilemma is nothing compared to
this. I don't want to face Dad right now, but what choice do I have? He was
cool about catching me with a dildo in my ass, maybe he'll also be okay
with me throwing myself at him. Ha, not likely.

With trembling hands I eventually manage to finish shaving, and then with
deliberate steps and growing dread I make my way to the basement. It's not
until I'm halfway down the stairs that I realize I was so nervous I forgot
to get dressed and I'm only wearing boxers, but well, it's too late to
worry about that now. Besides, he saw me naked last night, what difference
does it make?

Dad is sitting on the couch, in sweatpants and a t-shirt, staring at the
turned off TV. I walk over and take the nearest lounge chair, my stomach
clenching. Dad looks nervous too, a slight grimace on his face as he twists
a little to face me.

"Devin, I'm so so sorry," he starts, meeting my eyes and frowning
deeply. What? Why is he sorry? "I don't know how much you remember about
last night, but I shouldn't have let things go as far as I did. You were
drunk and clearly didn't know who I was, and I responded in a way that was
inappropriate."

"I..." I start. Dad thinks HE was in the wrong last night? I don't
understand. "I knew who you were," I murmur, and fuck, why did I admit
that? I could have gotten off easy. But I don't like Dad feeling guilty for
something that wasn't his fault. And there's still something bothering me.

Dad swallows, his Adam's apple bobbing heavily, and he shifts
slightly. "What?"

"I knew it was you, Dad," I say, looking straight at him, because evasion
seems pointless now. "I wanted to have sex with you." He stares at me, but
it's not with horror, or disgust, or even really surprise. He seems like
he's just stuck in place, and lowering my eyes I see that there's a tent
growing in his sweatpants. He seems to track my eyes and lays an arm over
his lap. "What did you mean, you responded in a way that was
inappropriate?"

Dad clears his throat. "You wanted to have sex with me," he says, and
swallows again. "Why?"

"Because you're hot," I say, still meeting his eyes. I'm not trying to be
seductive, even if it seems to be turning him on. I just want to
explain. "And you talked about how you wish you'd explored more when you
were younger, and then when Toby was here you seemed to be attracted to
him, so I wondered if being with a guy was one of those things you wish
you'd explored. Last night... I wanted to help you explore."

"Devin," Dad says hoarsely, and I notice the arm in his lap is doing a bad
job of hiding what is clearly a rock hard erection. "You know that's not
right. I..."

"What did you mean when you said you responded inappropriately?" I ask
again.

"I should have stopped you sooner. I let you touch me... lick me," he
sighs.

"Because you enjoyed it?" I murmur. "Dad... did you want to have sex with
me too?"

Dad throws his head back onto the top of the couch and covers his face with
his hands. I don't think he realizes that freed his cock, which is now
making an impressive tent. Despite myself, I feel my own cock growing as I
stare at him, his tight shirt stretched across his strong chest, his legs
slightly spread, begging me to straddle them.

"It doesn't matter, Devin," he says through his hands. "I'm your
father. That's not something we can do."

"Why not?" I ask. He huffs. "Dad," I say, waiting until he lowers his hands
and looks at me. "Why not, if we both want it?" I spread my legs so he can
see my hard-on, which is obscenely obvious through my boxers.

I feel like I'm at a crossroads, a tipping point. I know it's a bad idea,
that my head is messed up enough already, but I also know that if I push
just a little, Dad might fuck me, and I really do want that. At least, a
part of me does. I love him and I want to make him feel good, and he's so
good-looking, so much like Reed...

He's staring at me now, and he licks his lips, one hand squeezing his cock
through his sweatpants. I meet his grey eyes and the moment I do, something
feels wrong. Those aren't Reed's eyes.

"I... Shit, I'm sorry," I mumble, pushing myself to my feet. "You're
right. Fuck, I'm so..."

"Devin," he sighs, catching my wrist for a moment before letting
go. "No. Nevermind. It's... Let's just forget about this, okay?"

I nod. "Sorry, Dad." On impulse I lean down to hug him. "Mom's really
lucky."

"So's Toby," he murmurs into my ear, his hand caressing my lower back, and
I blush and pull away.

"Yeah... I'm... gonna go to my room," I say, feeling ashamed and rushing up
the stairs. Back in my room I collapse on my bed, and groan out loud. I'm
such an asshole. Toby's not lucky, he deserves way better. So do Reed and
Ben for that matter. I've fucked things up so much already, and I just
almost hooked up with my own father while everything is still up in the
air? I need to stop thinking with my dick.

There's a knock on my door and I yell, "come in," muffled by my pillow
against my face. I hear the door open and close, and then there's a weight
on the end of the bed. I roll over and see Dad sitting there.

"Dev," he says, "I just wanted to say... You've grown into a very handsome
young man. I'll even admit, sexy. And I'm flattered by
your... interest. But I love your mother." He pauses, looking me in the eye
and sighing. "I know I've said there are things I wished I did when I was
younger. But I don't regret missing out on any of it. Your mother's worth
it. You boys are worth it."

I tear up a little and nod, "Okay."

Dad nods and pats my leg. "I just needed you to know, I'm fine. I'm
happy. There's more to life than sex," he says, standing. "And I also
needed to let you know... that if there's a reason you got so drunk last
night, if there's something wrong, I'm always here for you. Okay?"

"Okay, Dad," I say, fidgeting with my sheets. "I'm okay, though." That's a
lie, but whatever. "But thank you. For being you. And I'm sorry
about... earlier." I blush.

He grins. "I won't say it's not a little uncomfortable... but it's nice to
know I've still got it." He does a little flexing pose and winks at me, and
I laugh. "But, we'll just forget about it. Starting... now." He ruffles my
hair a bit and then walks out, closing the door gently.

I spend the next hour wallowing in self-pity, although I feel a little
better after that talk, and re-reading my pro and con lists, then throw on
a hoodie and some jeans before Erica gets here. She is, of course, exactly
on time, pulling up in front of the house as I exit the door, precisely 2
hours and 38 minutes after her text. I almost suspect she was waiting
around the corner until the right moment.

"Okay," she says once I'm in the passenger seat and she's pulling away from
the curb. "You have some serious explaining to do, because we planned last
night for like a month and you showed up shitfaced and left before I even
saw you after doing God knows what with Ryan in the poolhouse. Not to
mention you've been sulking for like a week. What the fuck is up with you?"

"Can this wait until we have our coffee?" I ask, staring out the
window. "Let's just go through a drive-through and then park somewhere
quiet."

"Fine, but this had better be good," she huffs.

About ten minutes later we're sitting in her car at the edge of a grocery
store parking lot sipping lattes, and she unbuckles her seatbelt and twists
to face me. "Okay, go," she commands.

I groan and stare out the window. "I slept with Reed," I say eventually.

"Whoa," she says. "That's... super hot." I snort and she raises a finger to
her lips. "Shh, no, give me a minute to picture it. Wow. Like, Reed's a
major hottie in, like, that boy-next-door kind of way."

"Yeah," I sigh. "I think I'm kind of in love with him."

"Oh man," she whistles. "That sucks."

I laugh. "Yeah."

"So, you've been acting like a bitch all week because... what? He doesn't
feel the same? Or is it the brother thing?"

"No," I shake my head, finally looking at her. "I mean, the brother thing
is a problem, but... he's pissed at me for agreeing to be Toby's
boyfriend. He's been taunting me all week with this girl. Even sent me a
video of him fucking her."

"Can I see?" Erica asks, then her eyes widen. "Shit, I mean, sorry, no, of
course not. But, what a jerk."

"Also, last night I kind of told Ben about it... and then also confessed to
Ben that I love him."

"Really?" She asks, and stares slack-jawed. "That's... amazing. So wait,
are you two getting together now?"

"He basically turned me down," I sigh. "Said it's a bad idea for us to risk
our friendship, especially when I don't know what I want."

"Weird," she says.

"Uh, weird how?" I ask.

She stares at me like I'm an idiot. "Weird, because Ben's like so in love
with you he doesn't know what to do with himself. Like, ridiculously head
over heels. I didn't think you were interested though."

"Uh, no, you're insane," I say, because that is not the world I live
in. That's some sort of crazy alternate dimension shit she's talking
about. "I've been in love with Ben since forever, and he never showed any
sign of wanting me back."

"Maybe that's because you have constantly talked about other guys, like,
'ooo, I hooked up with Ethan Dupont after the baseball game yesterday, and
last week I hooked up with one of the senior Wide Receivers, I can't tell
you which one even though I blush every time Anton walks in a room, but I
love hot older athletes,'" she says, adopting a high pitched whine to
imitate me.

"I don't sound like that," I grumble.

"Like, I love you Dev, but you definitely have a history of only going for
hookups, and only with a certain type of guy, and that type isn't anything
like Ben."

"That's because..." I fumble for how to explain it. "Because I don't want
someone LIKE Ben. If they're like Ben, I'm just going to compare them to
him, and they'll always come up short. I don't want a worse version of him,
just him."

"Aww," she coos. "That's adorable. But, like, I can see why he never made a
move. Other than him being him, that is."

"So... What do I do?" I ask. "I mean, there's Toby, and Reed, and
Ben... and I don't know who to pick." I dig in my pocket for my lists, and
pass the folded up sheets of notebook paper over to Erica. "I made pro and
con lists, but it didn't help. So, you need to help me."

Erica unfolds the papers and scans over the lists for a few seconds before
looking up at me and laughing. "You're such an idiot." She crumples up the
pages and tosses them back at me. "You made fucking pro and con lists and
actually thought that MIGHT help?"

"I didn't know what else to do," I grumble, taking the pages and trying to
smooth them out again. "Like Ben said, I don't know what I want."

"That's bullshit," she says. "You're just trying to avoid a decision. I
think you know damn well what you want, what choice you have to make, but
you're scared to choose."

As her accusation settles into silence, my phone buzzes and I take the
excuse to avoid answering her.

Reed Buchanan: I'm in room 303 at the hampton near the hospital. Come meet
me?

I stare at the phone for several seconds, before glancing up at Erica. "Can
you drop me off somewhere..?"

There aren't really any cheap hotels in town, you have to get farther out
before you start finding old motels that rent by the hour, but the Hampton
is probably the cheapest option nearby. It's a simple, no frills place with
some long-term stay suites for family of hospital patients. Erica drops me
off by the lobby door, and I thank her for the ride, and for listening to
me.

There's one employee behind the desk in the lobby, but she just glances up
at me and doesn't say anything as I walk past her to the elevator. My heart
is pounding as the elevator climbs two floors incredibly slowly. I don't
know what Reed wants. I don't know how he's here. I don't know how it will
feel to see him.

I knock on the door to room 303 and only have to wait a second, maybe two,
before the door swings open, and there he is. He looks tired, with dark
circles under his eyes, and his hair is a mess, but he's still so
beautiful, even in a wrinkled blue t-shirt and basketball shorts. "Devin,"
he whispers, and I'm not sure who moves first but suddenly I'm in his arms,
my face pressed to his neck.

I'm home, back in the most familiar arms in the world, and I can't help the
sob that escapes me as his lips find my temple, kissing me softly and
whispering my name again. "You fucking asshole," I sniffle, and he stiffens
before squeezing me in tighter.

"I know," he says. He holds me for I don't know how long, until my eyes are
dry and his collar is wet, just clinging to me, and for a while I let him
because I need this as much as he does. Finally I push away from him and
wipe my eyes with my forearm, sniffing again. When I look up at him his
eyes are red too, and he swallows, opening his mouth a few times and
closing it again before managing, "I'm sorry," and a few seconds later,
"can we sit?"

I nod and he takes my hand, leading me the few steps to the end of the
bed. I sit down first and then he sits a foot or two away, but as pissed as
I may be at him, I still want to be close to him, so I close the gap and
lean my head on his shoulder.

"I'm really mad at you," I say. "But I missed you."

"I missed you so much," he says.

"I think you mean 'so muck,'" I reply, and he laughs.

He tilts my chin toward him with a finger and looks me in the eyes. "I
really do love you. More than I've known what to do with," he sighs. "It
hurt to be away from you, it hurt that Toby got to be with you. I know that
doesn't make it okay to hurt you, but... I've been so messed up."

"Me too," I say, looking up at him. By instinct I lift my hand to cup his
cheek and brush away a tear under his left eye. He turns his face to kiss
my palm before looking back at me. "Shit, Reed. What are we going to do?"

"I don't know," he says, falling back onto the bed. I follow him down,
curling into his side with a leg up over his hip and a hand on his
chest. He puts his own hand over mine, cupping it over his heart.

I wish it could always be like this, no outside complications, no real
world, just Reed and I and the points where we touch. Because God, the feel
of him, the smell of him... I let my hand explore his chest, feeling his
heat and firm muscles through the thin fabric of his shirt, as I stretch my
neck up to kiss his jaw.

He lets out a soft whimper and tilts his head to meet my lips, kissing me
hungrily, pulling my tongue into his mouth. The kiss seems to unleash our
desires, because a moment later I'm crawling on top of him as he claws
desperately at my back, pulling my hoodie off and throwing it on the floor
before our lips crash wildly together again. I straddle his hips and his
hands find my own, fingers digging in just above my waistband.

I tug at his lower lip with my teeth as I scoot back to pull his shirt off,
and he chases after my mouth, lifting his torso off the bed and only
separating from me for the second it takes to get the fabric past his
face. Then we're skin to skin, our chests sliding against each other.

I lever myself up to a sitting position, my ass grinding against Reed's
firm crotch. Those thin basketball shorts don't do much to hide his
excitement, and even through my jeans I can feel his shaft sliding between
my cheeks. He grins up at me, his dimples appearing for the first time
since I got here, and I smile back at him.

His hands slip from my hips to the button of my jeans, undoing it and
sliding down the zipper to pull my cock free, which he grips and rubs his
thumb across the tip. "You're so sexy," he says, licking his lips before
flashing me another grin. "I never thought I could want another guy like
this," he says as he cups my balls in his palm, "but everything about you
turns me on." He emphasizes his point by rolling his hips and thrusting
against me.

I'm so turned on but for some reason I can't meet his eyes, so my gaze
lingers on that spot at the corner of his jaw I love so much, and I just
have to taste it. He tilts his head back as I flick my tongue against it,
his hands moving to grip my ass. I lick and suck at that spot for at least
a minute, slowly grinding against him, before making my way down his body,
pausing to chew on a nipple and tongue his treasure trail as I slide off
the bed to my knees.

Reed props himself up on his elbows, looking down at me with lust in his
eyes, and I'm struck for a moment by the similarity to our first time, and
how much everything has changed. I slip his basketball shorts down and his
cock slaps softly against his belly, leaving a splatter of precum which I
lick away while he kicks the shorts off. Grabbing his shaft, I pull back
his foreskin and sink my mouth down over his head, which is slathered in a
thick layer of precum. He tastes like sweat and honey, and feels so smooth,
and hard, but that hardness has some give under my tongue, and every lick
and prod elicits a twitch or a moan to let me know this is Reed, who I've
missed so much, who I want to pleasure as well as I can.

I bob my head, trying to take him deep while he caresses the hair around my
left ear, and use my hands to explore his thighs and groin and
balls. They're hanging loose and heavy, which is good because I want to
savor this, I want it to last. I drag one finger down his taint to tease
his hole, which is sweaty enough to slip the tip inside. I find his
prostate and I'm rewarded with a squirt of sweet precum as Reed moans, "Oh
fuck."

I pull off his cock with a slurp, sucking hard on the head to get all of
his juices, and look up into his eyes. He runs his thumb across my lips
with a smile, and for a moment I take it in my mouth, swirling my tongue
around it. "Lay back," I say, lifting his legs onto my shoulders, and he
looks a bit confused but he complies.

Since my experience with Toby, I've realized that while I love to bottom,
to take dick any way I can, I also really liked topping, and someday I want
to do it again. Not today, I don't think Reed is ready for that, but I do
want to see how open he is to getting pleasure from his ass. A finger he's
been fine with before, but... I start with just licking his balls, sucking
them into my mouth one at a time, before moving down and lapping at his
taint, and finally prodding at his hole with the tip of my tongue.

His ass tastes like... ass, to be honest. I don't love it. But I don't
really care, because the way he thrusts back and yells, "ahh, holy shit,"
lets me know he does. I don't have any experience with this, most guys I've
been with didn't want me near their asses, and Ryan was pretty vanilla. A
finger was fine, but no more. I try to copy what Reed did to me, swirling
my tongue, giving his crack long licks, and poking directly at his hole,
sticking my tongue inside him the half inch or so it will go.

I pull away to suck on my index finger, then press it to his ring, pushing
slowly inside until I'm all the way in while Reed groans and swears. Once
it's in, I lick around the buried digit while rubbing my fingertip inside
him, and lift my other hand to lightly fist his cock. "Fuck, this is
insane," Reed moans out when I crook my finger up and nudge his
prostate. "Oh my God."

I withdraw from him and suck on my middle finger, then try to push both
inside of him. It's a slower process and Reed whimpers but doesn't stop me
as the two fingers gradually penetrate him. He actually thrashes a little
when I twist them.

"Devin," he pants, and I look up. "Are you... going to fuck me?" He sounds
a mix of turned on and scared, his eyes wide.

"Do you want me to?" I ask, because I really didn't even think that was an
option.

Reed's brow furrows and he bites his lip before he answers. "I don't know,"
he says shakily, and gasps a little as I twist my fingers again. "I deserve
it..."

Fuck. I withdraw my fingers and stand up, then lay down on top of him, our
cocks pressed together, and I kiss him as sweetly as I know how. Looking
down at him, his face still a little scrunched with concern, I sigh, "I
don't want to punish you Reed." I kiss him again. "I would fuck you if you
wanted me to... but I don't think you do."

He lets out a long breath and turns his head away. "I... Your fingers felt
good, in a really weird way..." He murmurs. "But..."

"I get it," I say, kissing the side of his mouth. "You can fuck me
instead."

He sighs and nods, turning his head back to me and kissing me gently. The
kiss turns deeper as we start to grind against each other. Reed rolls us
and drags us farther onto the bed, our bodies twisting and sliding together
as our mouths stay locked, our tongues dancing.

I'm on top again, gripping both of Reed's cheeks and plundering his mouth
with my tongue when he taps my left hand. I break away long enough to see
the bottle of lube he's trying to hand me, and don't question how he
managed to find that when I was so distracted by making out with him. I pop
the cap and pour some lube in each hand while leaning in to keep kissing
him. I bring one hand to my ass and quickly spread the lube around my hole,
dipping two fingers inside, while I reach between us and lube up his shaft
with the other, although it's already coated with precum from both of us.

I lift up, pulling my legs under me, and guide his cock to my hole, then
push back on it. And fuck, it's been too long since I last got fucked, more
than a week since I even had my dildo inside me. I should have prepped more
but I'm so fucking horny. It burns and I have to pull away from Reed's
mouth to cry out, my eyes scrunched shut. Reed strokes my lower back with
both hands and whispers, "Go slow, babe."

So I do as instructed and take my time, sinking down just an inch or so at
a time before raising up, and Reed lightly pecks my lips and cheeks while
whispering encouragement, until finally I'm sitting on his hips, his cock
fully inside me. I take a moment to rest there, my forehead pressed to his,
our noses rubbing together and our breath mingling. It was more work than
I'm used to, but Reed's back inside me, where he belongs, and it feels so
good, like stretching a sore muscle.

Eventually Reed starts moving his hips, his ass rising off the bed to
thrust into me, and the moment of peace has passed. I chuckle a little and
kiss him one more time before pushing up to my knees to ride him
properly. Thank God for hiking with Ben, so my legs actually have the
strength to manage this for a while, lifting myself a few inches and
dropping back down. Reed helps me, his hands cupping my cheeks as we thrust
in unison. My cock is dribbling precum between his pecs, gliding against
him with each thrust.

I lean back a bit more, putting my weight on my hands, and fuck yes, he
hits my prostate perfectly like that. I actually yell in pleasure, and Reed
smirks at me but keeps driving his cock up into me. "You like that?" He
asks, placing a hand on my chest. He pinches one of my nipples and I
whimper, unable to answer him. Then he pushes against the center of my
chest, making me bend backward, and I cry out again, throwing my head back
as he pummels my prostate.

"Oh fuck, Reed, fuck," I groan, unable to do much more than jerk my hips in
a shuddery motion while he does all the work from below. I'm now bent
backward, my lower back against his knees, and the contortion of my body
combined with the intense pleasure inside me is too much. I can't even warn
him before my cock erupts, sending jets of cum into the air which splatter
back down onto Reed.

Reed laughs shakily, breathing heavily and says, "Nice," as he keeps
fucking me through my orgasm, which doesn't seem to end, my cock still
twitching, my prostate still radiating heat long after I've stopped
shooting. Reed sits up enough to get his hands on my back and draw me back
on top of him. I lay there limply, cum coating both our chests now, as he
keeps thrusting and starts to kiss me.

I try to respond but my whole body feels slow now, so it must be the
wettest, sloppiest kissing anyone has ever done. It doesn't seem to matter
to Reed, though, who bites my lower lip and growls, thrusting deep into my
ass one more time and blowing his load inside me. He thrusts lazily a few
more times before dropping his ass to the bed and hugging me close to him,
kissing me slowly, no tongue, just soft smacks of our lips.

"Fuck, I've missed that," Reed mutters against my lips. "Nothing compares."

"Mm," I agree, rolling off of him as his softening cock slips out of me. I
lay on my side next to him, my hand on his belly, idly running my fingers
through his treasure trail. He rolls over to face me and presses our
foreheads together again, closing his eyes.

I let my eyes close too, and we just lie there relaxing for a long time,
our hands finding each other and intertwining in the gap between us. I'm
not really sleepy, but I feel so at peace that I start drifting off.

"We could run away," Reed whispers, and it takes me a moment to realize I'm
not dreaming. What? "I have some money... my college fund is legally mine,
and yours will be next month. We could go somewhere no one knows us, change
our names..."

"Reed..." I start, then I just let myself dream. We could go to another
country. I've read about expat communities in places like Thailand. We
could work at touristy places, and live cheap, and spend every day
together, just making love and enjoying life. I picture waking up next to
Reed every morning under blue skies by green seas, golden sunlight bathing
our bodies. There's so much about that picture I love, and it's a beautiful
dream.

"I love you," Reed continues. "I want to be with you. Somehow."

Every time I think about our relationship, I always say, "in an ideal
world," or "if things were different." When I think about what I
want... most of the time I want Reed, but in another place, in another
time, a different Reed, a Reed I can be with. But this isn't an ideal
world, there's nowhere in this world we can go where it would be, and as
much as I might wish things were different, they never will be. In this
world, I know what I really want. What I have to choose.

"Reed," I start again, sniffling, and I open watery eyes to see him staring
back at me, staring into my soul. He squeezes my hand, silently begging me
not to continue, and I whimper. "Reed, we can't do this anymore."

-----

Sorry this took so long, I've been immensely busy, and also this was a very
difficult chapter to write. There were a few different ways the story could
go, and it was hard for me to decide which path I wanted to take. I've got
that sorted out now, I know what's going to happen for the rest of the
story. I think there will be two more chapters after this one, though the
end of Devin's story may not be the end for all of the characters.

I will also say that it was hard for me to decide whether or not Devin
should hook up with his Dad, but like Devin, I had to stop thinking with my
dick. As hot as I thought it would be, it definitely would have been very
bad for the storyline. Devin is trying to decide what to do with his life,
which guy, if any, he should pick. Throwing in more random sex with a
family member would have been a rough complication.

That said... I did write the hook-up. There is a 2500 word bonus scene
available, so if you're someone who really wants to see what could have
happened if Devin hadn't gone back upstairs when he did, e-mail me and I
will send you that bonus scene. It's not canon, as far as the rest of the
story goes, it didn't happen, but it might be a fun read.

I am still immensely busy, but now that I know where the story is going I
hope the gap before the next chapter won't be as long. Still, it could be
awhile. As always, though, I love to hear feedback, so please let me know
if you like the story, or if you don't like some part of it, and what you
would like to see in the future.

And of course, if you get any value from Nifty, please consider donating
at:

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