Date: Sun, 3 Aug 2008 06:27:34 -0700 (PDT)
From: Lusty <lustyville@yahoo.com>
Subject: A Day at the Beach

     Shane Spiers is sitting on a bench waiting for the bus to
come and carry him back to a place he hasn't seen in years; a
place he ran away from as a boy and is returning to as a man. He
runs his fingers through his curly brown hair that has natural
blonde highlights thanks to his summer at the beach and he
watches a young family walking by. The little boy is holding his
father's hand and all of them are smiling. `The lucky ones have
fathers,' he thinks. The thought brings memories of a childhood
filled with broken promises and lost moments. A childhood where
people, especially men, came and went like interchangeable pieces
and no one stayed long enough to become irreplaceable. Even his
mother had come and gone as she pleased, passing in and out of
his life at random times. He loved her and he knew she couldn't
stay with him so he always forgave her for leaving. After a
while, he learned to accept her returns as the precious gifts
they were. She would just show up one day and the two of them
would instantly be mother and son again.

     Shane spent a good deal of his first sixteen years of life
being her son when she remembered she had one and covering for
her during the times when she forgot. He knew she needed help but
he didn't want her to be sent away so he kept her secret. He
couldn't have friends over for fear that they would ask why his
mother was acting so weird and he couldn't correct her lovers
when they told him they didn't want to be with some junkie with a
kid. He knew she wasn't on drugs, but he also knew that
eliminating drugs as an excuse would lead to more questions. It
amused him to think of how so many men failed to report that a
young child was living in a dangerous situation.

     He had to get away after his mother died. It was too hard to
be in the same city as her decaying body and deal with knowing
that she wasn't coming back anymore, so he left. He went to her
funeral to say goodbye then he walked to the bus station and
bought a ticket for the furthest city he could afford. He was
smart though, he knew how to disappear. The bus made four stops
on the way to its final destination. He got off on the second
stop and didn't get back on, instead, he hitched a ride with a
trucker who was headed south. He left behind everything; his
clothes, his family, his home. He didn't want reminders of her.

     Shane hears the first call for boarding and he goes and gets
on the line. He left with nothing but he is returning with a bag
full of possessions and the belief that he can face anything. He
stands in the line and wonders what everyone will say when they
see him. The skinny sixteen year-old boy who only had to shave
once a week is returning as a twenty-two year old man who shaves
every day. There is no denying he's changed.

     He boards the bus and takes a seat a few rows behind the
driver. A man dressed like a biker sits next to him.

     "Where's your bike?" Shane jokes.

     "Where's your mother?"

     Shane bites his lower lip and decides that small talk with
the stranger next to him has just been eliminated as an option.
He pulls out a small book that Josh gave to him and he opens the
book and reads the dedication:

TO THE BOY WHO MAKES THE SUN SHINE,
FROM THE MAN WHO SOAKS UP THE RAYS

- Love Josh

Shane's fingers glide over the words hoping to make contact with a part of
Josh, but Josh is gone. He closes the book and puts it back in his pocket,
close to his heart, where it belongs.

     If Shane could paint a picture of Josh it would be of a
light skinned black man with the face of an angel. His brown eyes
would be filled with joy and love. His lips would form a smile
that was made to be shared. His dimples would be pronounced and
offer a hint of his mischievous spirit. His shoulders would be
broad and built to carry the weight of the world. His arms and
his body wouldn't be overly muscular, but rather toned and
defined in a way that announced he was a man.

     Shane takes a deep breath as he imagines looking at a
painting of Josh. He wonders if the brush-strokes would be able
to capture Josh's essence. He reaches for his wallet and pulls
out a picture of him and Josh. It was taken shortly after they
met, during the first of many trips to the beach. They're
standing close to each other wearing only their swim trunks.
Josh's arm is around Shane and Josh towers over Shane, like a
protector.

     "Who's the black guy?" the biker asks.

     "My friend."

     "Oh. He looks a little old to be your friend. Is he slow or
something?" Shane becomes visibly distraught. He wipes his eyes
and puts the picture back in his wallet. "Hey kid, whatever it
is, it will be okay. I didn't mean to upset you."

     "I'm not a kid," he states, flatly and simply. He turns his
head and looks directly at the biker, "And he wasn't slow. He was
fucking brilliant."

     "I'm sorry."

     "You should be."

     Shane sits back in his seat and shuts his eyes in the hopes
that the man will stop speaking to him. His plan works. The man
watches him for a moment, wondering what his story is, then the
man loses interest and tries to take a nap himself.

     Shane remembers the day he first met Josh. The trucker had
dropped Shane off at a gas station. Shane went inside and spent
his last dollar buying a candy bar then he went outside and sat
on the curb trying to decide his next move. A large shadow
suddenly appeared.

     "You know hitchhiking is dangerous?"

     Shane looked up at the man. "Yeah, I know."

     "So why'd you do it?"

     "Who says I did it?"

     "I've been watching you since you got off the truck. Now the
truck is gone and you're still here, sitting on the curb,
roasting in the sun with that suit on, while you think of your
next move because you haven't planned that far ahead. Everything
about you says runaway and everything about this situation says
you hitched your way here." The man sat down next to Shane. "Well
no one comes to the middle of no where to get away unless they're
running from something big, so what do you say I buy you lunch
and you tell me what you're running from?" Shane didn't answer.
"You can plan your next move while you eat some real food. If
you're running away, who knows when your next good meal may be."
The man stood. "Look, I don't want anything from you. I've been
where you are and I'm just trying to help. I came here to play my
number so I'm going to go in and do that. When I come out, I'll
ask for your decision, but before I go, is there anything I can
get you, like a bottle of water or something?"

     "Yes please. Water."

     "Your trucker friend didn't give you anything to drink?"
Shane shook his head. "See that's the trouble with riding with
strangers. Some of them don't know a damn thing about
hospitality. I'll be back in a minute." The man walked in the
store and came back a few minutes later. He handed Shane a bottle
of water. "So what's it going to be? Are you coming?" Shane stood
and followed the man to his car. Once they were inside the car,
the man said, "It's okay this time, but you really need to stop
accepting rides from strangers. You never know when your luck
might run out. Everyone on the road isn't nice."

     Shane began to feel a little scared. "Where are we going?"

     "There's a street with a lot or food joints about three
blocks away from here. When we get there you can tell me what
you'd like to eat and we'll get that."

     "How am I supposed to pay you back?"

     The man laughed. "Now you ask that question? You're going to
pay me back by telling me what brings you here. That's all you
have to do." The man focused on the road for a moment. "You don't
have to answer this if it makes you uncomfortable, but how did
you pay the trucker?"

     "I gave him ten dollars that I was saving for an emergency
and I," Shane hesitated for a second, "I told him thank you."
Shane and the man driving both knew Shane did more than tell the
trucker thank you.

     The man felt sorry for Shane so he tried to change the
subject. "My name is Robert, by the way. Everyone calls me Rob."
Shane didn't say anything. "So what's your name?"

     "Shane," he responded without thinking.

     "Is that your real name?"

     "Yes, sir."

     "Well it's nice to meet you, Shane."

     "Nice to meet you, too, Rob."

     "Who taught you to be so polite?" Rob was fishing for
information, but Shane wasn't biting. Shane stared out his window
and ignored the question. Rob decided he would wait until Shane
had a plate of food in front of him before he asked more
questions. Rob turned on the street and drove by about six
restaurants, then he pulled in to a parking lot and stopped.
"Those are the options. Where do you want to eat?"

     "Waffle House."

     "Waffle House it is. I haven't been there in a long time. My
wife doesn't want me eating that kind of food." Rob drove to the
Waffle House and the two went inside and got a table. "Order
whatever you'd like, but make sure your eyes aren't bigger than
your stomach. They give large portions down here."

     Rob talked about the different meals he had tried and which
ones he recommended. It wasn't long before Shane realized that
Rob had tried almost every dish on the menu. "Is there anything
on the menu, you haven't tried?" Shane asked.

     "I haven't tried their new specials, because MaryEllen
hasn't let me come here in three months, but today I have a
business meeting with my new associate, so I had no choice."

     "Is that what you're going to tell her?"

     "No, that's what I'm going to tell her sister, who is headed
this way."

     A heavy set black woman walked over to the table. "Rob what
are you doing here? You know MaryEllen will kill me if I serve
you!" She gave Shane a quick once over. "And who is this boy you
got with you?"

     "Shane, this is my sister-in-law Hattie, and Hattie, this is
Shane."

     "First of all, don't come in my restaurant and refer to me
as your sister-in-law. You and MaryEllen have been married
forever. I'm your sister. Period. And second of all, you need to
stop picking up strays before I tell MaryEllen."

     "Shane isn't a stray. This is a business meeting and he is
my new associate."

     Hattie had a hearty laugh. "If this boy is your associate
then I'm Halle Berry and we both know I aint Halle."

     "You're just as pretty as she is," Rob said.

     "And you're just as good at lying as you've ever been."
Hattie looked at Shane, "Rob can't lie worth a dime. I don't know
why he tries. He's not supposed to be here but I'll feed him
because he's with you and you look like you haven't had a good
meal in days. I can't send y'all away with you looking the way
you do." She took a pencil out from behind her ear and held up
her little notepad. "So what will it be Sweetie?" Rob began
saying his order. "Now hush! You know I wasn't talking to you."
She put her hand gently on Shane's arm. "What would you like,
Honey?"

     Shane placed his order and then Hattie turned to leave.
"What about me?" Rob yelled.

     "What about you? I'm going to call MaryEllen and find out
what we have that fits in to that diet the doctor has you on and
that's what you're going to eat."

     "I should have known Hattie would be a problem if I ever did
come in here," Rob whispered to Shane.

     "We can go some where else," Shane offered.

     "No, I promised you we would eat wherever you decided and
this is it. I can live with what Hattie brings me." Rob took a
quick look around. "You know I stumbled in to this town almost
twenty years ago? I was probably a bit younger than you. You look
about what, sixteen, seventeen?"

     "Sixteen."

     "I figured as much. I was fourteen. So I got you beat by two
years."

     "Yeah."

     "I had my twelve year old brother with me though. You're
traveling alone, right?"

     "Yes."

     "Did you start out traveling alone or were you with
someone?"

     "Alone."

     "Yeah, most runaways usually start out alone. Have you
thought about where you want to go after this?"

     "I want to go to the beach. I've never been to a beach
before."

     "Where you're from doesn't have beaches?"

     "We had one, but it was like a two hour drive."

     "Oh." Hattie came out with the food and the conversation
paused while Hattie distributed the food and warned Shane not to
share his food with Rob. Rob waited until Shane had taken his
first bite, then he asked, "So what are you running away from?"

     "My mother died," Shane said between bites.

     "I'm sorry to hear that. So she died and you didn't want to
stay with your father?"

     "My father wasn't around. He left when I was five. Probably
because that's when mom started" Shane's sentence dropped off
suddenly and he shoveled some food in his mouth hoping he could
somehow stuff the words back in.

     "Started what?"

     Shane tried to think of a way to say it without really
saying it and having to explain anything. "Started changing."

     "Changing how?"

     "I don't know," Shane lied. "I guess she stopped needing
him."

     "Do you have any other family?"

     "No," Shane quickly responded. His years of covering for her
with elaborate lies, had made it easy for him to shade the truth
to the colors he wanted people to see. His mother was his
immediate family, everyone else had been secondary.

     "Did you run away to keep from going in to the system?"

     "Yes, sir."

     "I'll never understand you kids. Why would you run away from
free housing and food until you're eighteen just to end up on the
streets with no housing and no food?"

     "You ran away, too," Shane argued.

     "I wasn't running from the foster care system. I was running
from the devil."

     "Does the devil have a name?"

     "Yes. His name was Chester Lee. He was my stepfather and he
was an evil bitter old man and Josh and I were not his real
kids."

     "Did he beat you?" Shane asked.

     "This meal isn't supposed to be about me, but yes. He beat
us and he did his damndest to break us, but we ran away before he
could."

     "What about your mother?"

     "She died shortly after Chester Lee officially adopted us.
He didn't really want us as his sons, but he had to have a way of
owning us in case something ever happened to her because we made
his life easier. He could take out all his troubles on us and
then he could go back in to the regular world and pretend to be a
sweet old man." Rob took a swallow of his water. "Now you know a
lot about me, tell me something about you."

     "I love waffles."

     Rob smiled. "I guess I left myself open for that one." Rob
took another swallow of his water then said, "You should stop
running. I won't force you to go back where you came from,
because I know I can't, but maybe you should stop here for a
while and get yourself together. The people here are nice for the
most part. They're not as observant as I am, but they also
haven't had the experiences that I've had. For me, this was the
last stop on a road filled with so many places I wish I could
forget. When I got here, it was like God gave me my own piece of
heaven, then I saw MaryEllen and I knew I had to stay."

     "So you and MaryEllen have been together since you were
fourteen?"

     "Only in my dreams. I was smitten with her the moment I laid
eyes on her, but she didn't notice me until I was nineteen." Rob
leaned forward and whispered, "She stole me from Rosetta
Pearlman." Shane smiled. "You should come meet my MaryEllen.
Today is Saturday, which means she's at home baking something or
the other to take to church with her tomorrow. She always makes a
little extra. I can't eat it, but Josh and the kids can and if
you come, I'm sure she'll let you sample some."

     "I wouldn't want to impose."

     "You won't be imposing. You'll be doing me favor because
I'll know that you're safe for at least another hour."

     "I can't eat anything right now."

     "That's fine. We can go fishing until you get hungry. I
usually go fishing with Josh on Saturday anyway. He's probably
wondering why I'm so late."

     "Let me think about it."

     "What's there to think about? You don't have somewhere else
you have to be. What's a few more hours in this small town?"

     "Fine."

     "Great!"

     Hattie came over to check on the guys. "Rob, what are you so
excited about?"

     "Shane is going to go meet MaryEllen, then he's going
fishing with me."

     "So you're staying?" she asked Shane.

     "For a few more hours," Shane responded.

     "Okay, but if you don't plan on staying longer than that,
then you best be long gone before Rob wakes up in the morning."

     "Hattie!" Rob exclaimed.

     "Don't Hattie me. That last stray you took in broke your
heart and MaryEllen's. I'm just telling the boy that if he don't
want to stay here he shouldn't prolong his visit, because you'll
get attached and then he'll leave just like the others and you're
going to cry about another one you couldn't save."

     "Hattie, please!"

     "I've said my piece." Rob stood and Shane followed suit.
"Tell MaryEllen, I said be careful."

     "Yes Hattie." Rob and Shane walked to the car.

     "You know you forgot to pay." Shane stated as he opened his
door.

     "Hattie doesn't charge me. I'm her brother! Besides, I don't
charge her when she eats at my restaurant."

     "You have a restaurant?"

     "Yes. It's on the other side of town. My son, Michael runs
it for me."

     "How old is he?"

     "He's twenty four."

     "You said you were fourteen when you ran away and you've
been here for twenty years so doesn't that make you like thirty
four?"

     "Yes."

     "And you have a twenty four year old son?"

     "MaryEllen and I adopted Mike when he was seventeen. We
didn't want him to age out of the system and not have a family."
Rob turned on the ignition. "We're foster parents. God hasn't
blessed us with biological children, but he's given us many
blessings. We have Mike and right now we have three boys and two
girls staying with us. They're spending the weekend at Hattie's
farm with her kids. If you stay until tomorrow evening, you'll
get to meet them."

     Rob thought that Shane hadn't noticed that he was carefully
giving Shane reasons to extend his stay, but Shane had noticed
and Shane had decided to take Hattie's advice and be long gone
before Sunday morning.

     Rob drove Shane away from the city, to a place where dirt
roads were the only type of roads you could turn on to.
Eventually, they turned on one of the dirt roads and drove down.
There were two houses in front of them and they pulled up to the
house on the left. Rob stopped the car and got out. Shane
followed him. The screen door on the house was unlocked so Rob
walked right in and headed towards the smell of fresh apple pie.
Rob walked in the kitchen and wrapped his arms around his wife.

     "Honey, I'm home," he teased as he lovingly kissed her on
the neck.

     "I hear you've had quite a day."

     "Yeah. I brought a present home for you."

     MaryEllen rubbed her hands on her apron and turned around.
She spotted Shane standing in the doorway. "Come over here so I
can get a good look at you," she ordered. Shane slowly walked
over and stood in front of her. She eyed him up and down, then
asked, "Would you like some apple pie?"

     "No thank you, ma'am."

     "What about peach cobbler?"

     "No thank you. I just ate."

     "You're a young man, you're supposed to eat all day. My boys
eat like their stomachs are bottomless pits and don't get me
started on Robert. He'd eat like that too if I didn't keep a
close eye on him. The doctor wants him to lose twenty pounds so
he can be heathier."

     "Shane doesn't need to know about that." Rob protested.

     MaryEllen kept her attention on Shane. "So how long you
staying?"

     "Not long. A few hours maybe."

     "A few hours? Nonsense. You should stay for dinner and then
it will probably be too late to leave so you might as well stay
until the morning. Some of Mike's old clothes should fit you."
MaryEllen put her hands on her hip. "You look like the type that
likes to play hardball. What will it be, apple pie and a huge
scoop of ice cream for a yes ma'am I'll stay until morning?"

     "Maybe Shane doesn't like ice cream," Rob said.

     "I like ice cream," Shane told them.

     "Well then it's settled. I'll see you two at dinner time."

     Shane kind of nodded his head and surrendered. Rob and his
wife had a way of bulldozing people with a gentleness that made
the people lay down in front of the bulldozer and accept what was
coming. Shane didn't want to stay, but he couldn't say no.

     Rob led Shane upstairs so he could put on some of Mike's old
clothes then they went outside and walked down a small trail to
the left of the house. The trail led to a fishing pond. When Rob
and Shane arrived, Josh was already there, sitting in a chair,
waiting for something to nibble on his bait. Josh had a hat
pulled down on his head and he was half asleep when Rob put his
hand on his shoulder. Josh dropped his fishing pole and his eyes
opened.

     "You're late," he said as he reached down and picked up the
pole.

     "I brought company," Rob replied.

     "Company?" Josh turned around and saw Shane standing next to
Rob. "Who's this?"

     "This is Shane." Rod answered.

     Josh extended his hand. "Nice to meet you Shane."

     "Nice to meet you, too sir."

     "Call me Josh."

     "Okay, Josh."

     Josh held Shane's hand for a few seconds longer than
necessary as he tried to dismiss his initial reaction that the
boy was very attractive and replace it with a more appropriate
reaction such as the boy was adorable in a little puppy kind of
way. "So where did my brother pick you up at?"

     "The gas station."

     "Why am I not surprised? Do all the runaways stop at the gas
station?"

     "No," Rob answered. "I'm sure most of them don't stop at
all."

     Josh was unable to take his eyes off of Shane. "Do you know
how to fish?" he asked.

     "No."

     "Well I only have one extra rod and that's for my brother,
but I can teach you with mine if you'd like."

     "I think I should teach him," Rob said.

     "If you let Rob teach you, I guarantee you'll be walking
back with an empty bucket."

     Rob hit Josh on his arm. "I caught a fish last week."

     "One fish to my six."

     Shane laughed. "Oh, you think that's funny," Rob asked with
a smile on his face. "Fine let him teach you and we'll see how
many fish you catch today."

     Rob grabbed his fishing pole and got it ready, then he sat
in a chair on the other side of Josh and cast his line. Josh was
about to reel his line in, when he got a nibble. He stood and had
Shane stand in front of him and hold the pole, then he talked
Shane through reeling in the fish. They put the fish in Josh's
bucket and Josh announced, "That's one for Shane! How many do you
have Rob?"

     "I'm just getting started," Rob said.

     Over the next few hours, Josh taught Shane about fishing and
Shane caught four fish in total. While Rob caught nothing. Josh
and Shane had a natural rapport with each other. Rob noticed that
the two were really getting along, but he thought little of his
thirty two year old brother being friendly with sixteen year old
Shane because Josh was always friendly to everyone.

     They took the fish back to Rob's house and MaryEllen put the
fish away while the guys relaxed on the porch drinking ice cold
lemonade. Shane found himself understanding how other runaways
had gotten lost in Rob and MaryEllen's vortex for a while. Their
home was a place no one would want to leave and they were two of
the kindest people he had ever met.

     While on the porch talking with Rob and Josh, Shane found
out that MaryEllen volunteered at the elementary school during
the week and spent most of her evenings trying to keep up with
the kids and their various activities. He learned that Rob gave
all of the food that was leftover in the evenings at the
restaurant to people who needed it. MaryEllen and Rob were the
type of people who found joy in giving and didn't feel the need
to brag about what they did. Josh did feel that need though. It
was clear that Josh admired Rob and MaryEllen and he was proud of
both of them. They gave so much of themselves and asked for so
little in return.

     After eating dinner and enjoying dessert, Josh said he was
going home to catch some shut eye. Shane walked Josh to the door
and thanked him for showing him how to fish, then Shane watched
in amusement as Josh made the short walk to the house next door
and waved goodbye in the dark.

     Josh made Shane feel a way that Shane hadn't felt since his
first time with Bobby Coller and Shane made Josh feel as if his
deepest fears were going to come true. Josh did not want to have
a thing for a boy who was not only half his age, but also, his
brother's latest rescue project.

     Shane went to sleep wondering what it would be like to
experiment with Josh. He had wonderful dreams and that, combined
with his exhaustion from staying up all the night before, caused
Shane to sleep late in to the afternoon. When Shane finally did
bounce down the stairs, Josh was sitting in the livingroom.

     "The sun has decided to rise and bless me with it's
presence," Josh announced. Shane looked confused. "Sorry. I don't
like waiting on people. I'm impatient by nature. That's why I
can't get married."

     "You don't want to get married?"

     "No, not really."

     "Why not?"

     Josh had an opening to tell Shane that he might be gay, but
he chickened out. "I haven't met the right person, I guess."

     "When I get married. I'm going to marry a man," Shane
stated. He said it as if there was nothing out of the ordinary
about his words.

     "You're gay?" Josh asked.

     "Yes, sir. Do you think Rob will still want me around after
I tell him?"

     "He's had gay foster children before. He'll be okay with
it." Josh paused. "Does that mean you're staying for a while?"

     "No. I was just wondering."

     "Well you should stay. Rob and MaryEllen couldn't say no to
someone in your situation." Shane sat in a chair. "So what are
you running away from?" Josh asked.

     "Everything and everyone, but mostly my family," Shane
responded.

     "Is that the reason you gave Rob?"

     "No."

     "I figured that. Otherwise he would have been on the phone
yesterday trying to track down your family."

     "Are you going to tell him?"

     "No. They must be pretty bad if you ran away. I wouldn't
send you back." They sat for a moment. "Do you want some
breakfast? MaryEllen left food for you."

     "Sure."

     Shane opens his eyes on the bus and he still can see images
of him sitting across the table from Josh on the first morning of
the start of his new life. Shane checks his watch to see how much
time has passed, then he closes his eyes again and tries to work
his way through his memories to the first time he kissed Josh.

     Sunday evening, Shane met Rob's foster children. The three
boys: Kenny, Deonte and Jonathon were 14, 13 and 12, and the two
girls, Bertha and Jocelyn were 13 and 11. They all seemed unfazed
by his sudden arrival. The children went about their business so
Shane spent most of his time talking with the adults. Rob and
MaryEllen offered him Mike's old room for as long as he wished to
stay, but he politely declined.

     After dinner, Josh offered to give Shane a ride to town
before it got too dark outside. Shane changed in to his suit. It
was clean thanks to MaryEllen. He took a moment to smell his
dress shirt then he put it on and buttoned it. He carried his tie
and blazer in his hand. MaryEllen and Rob tried to get him to
take some of Mike's old clothes, but he didn't want to leave with
anything that wasn't his.

     Josh and Shane headed down the road in Josh's truck. Josh
was trying hard to keep his eyes on the road and off of Shane,
but he couldn't resist stealing peeks at the handsome boy that he
might never see again. He wondered why the boy would choose to
keep running when he had a place he could stay for a while.

     Josh finally asked, "Are you sure you want to go? You could
stay with Rob and MaryEllen."

     "I know."

     "Why are you leaving then?"

     "I want to go to the beach."

     "I can take you to the beach." Shane bit his lower lip. "Do
you want me to take you?"

     "When? Now? It's almost dark."

     "We can go back to Rob's house and I'll take you in the
morning."

     "I"

     "Don't say no. I'm not supposed to come back without you."

     Shane thought about Josh's words. "So this was a setup?"

     "Yes."

     "Why do you guys want me to stay?"

     "Rob and MaryEllen want to help you and I, well I want to
help you too."

     "I'll stay one more night, but that's it. Tomorrow when you
take me to the beach, I'll move on from there."

     "Okay."

     Josh turned the truck around and drove back to Rob's house.
MaryEllen and Rob were waiting on the porch when Josh and Shane
returned. MaryEllen hugged Shane and walked him in the house.

     "I knew you were coming back," she said as she led him up
the stairs. "Is there anything I can get you before you go to
bed?"

     "No thank you ma'am."

     Shane was changing in to some of Mike's pajamas when there
was a knock at the door. "Come in," he said.

     Josh opened the door. Shane was in the process of buttoning
his pajama top. "You're going to be hot in that," Josh warned.

     Shane started undoing the buttons. "I don't usually wear a
shirt to bed, but MaryEllen gave it to me."

     "What did you sleep in last night?"

     "Underwear."

     "Oh." Josh tried to shake the image of Shane in his
underwear but he couldn't. The image hovered in his mind and
distracted him from saying his next sentence.

     "Did you come up to say goodnight?" Shane asked. Josh
watched Shane pull the shirt open and take it off then walk over
and hang it up in the closet.

     "You're neat." Josh stated.

     "I've always been good at keeping things in their place."
Shane said it in a way that revealed he was good at cleaning up
all kinds of messes and a way that implied he had lots of
experience cleaning up after people. There was something about
his words that resonated with Josh.

     "Things and people, or just things?" Josh asked, hoping to
pry in to Shane's past a little more.

     "Both," Josh replied.

     "You're a fixer. Rob's a fixer too. He lives to make life
better for other people and to fix the messes they make. He's
fixed more of my messes than I care to count." Josh sighed and
decided he should remove himself from Shane's presence because he
was having trouble keeping his eyes on Shane's face. "I came up
to tell you I'll be here at dawn."

     "What time is dawn?"

     "Just listen for the rooster. If that doesn't wake you up
then the sound of those boys running around getting ready for
school sure will."

     "Okay." Josh said goodnight and turned his back to walk down
the hallway. Shane called after him, "Josh."

     Josh turned around. "Yes."

     "I don't have anything to wear to the beach."

     "Neither do I. We'll stop and buy something on the way."

     Shane approached Josh and hugged him. "Thanks for convincing
me to spend another night here."

     "You weren't too hard to convince," Josh joked. Josh's hands
were making contact with the bare flesh of Shane's back and Josh
experienced the urge to let his hands indulge in the smoothness
of Shane's skin. The urge scared Josh so he pushed Shane away and
said, "Goodnight."

     "Goodnight." Shane closed the door and held the doorknob for
a moment as he remembered how good it felt to be wrapped in
Josh's arms. Shane wondered if Josh pushed away so suddenly
because he felt his heartbeat increase or because he could tell
that Shane had stopped breathing. Shane had held his breath in an
attempt to keep from breathing too hard and as a way of making
the moment seem longer than it was. The hug had ended sooner than
Shane wanted and he didn't know how to ask Josh to keep holding
him so he let go.

     Shane wasn't sure what he felt for Josh. There was no
denying that Josh was attractive. That was something Shane had
noticed immediately, but there was something else. He liked
talking to Rob and MaryEllen, but he liked talking to Josh more.
Shane got in bed and thought about going to the beach with Josh.
He wondered if Josh would wear a tiny speedo.

     The next morning, Shane woke to the sound of knocking on the
door. "It's open," he said.

     Josh walked in. Shane sat up in the bed and quickly ran his
fingers through his hair. Josh sat on the side of the bed. "You
sure are a sound sleeper."

     "I heard you knocking on the door," Shane said.

     "Yeah, but you didn't hear the rooster or the boys. Everyone
is downstairs in the kitchen eating breakfast and you're still up
here."

     "I must have overslept."

     "You slept in yesterday as well. Is that usual for you?"

     "No. Why do you ask? Is there something wrong with me
sleeping past sunrise?"

     "Don't get defensive. I don't know anything about you and I
was wondering if its normal for you to sleep in late or if you're
not feeling well."

     "Oh. I'm feeling fine."

     "Good. I'll be downstairs when you're ready." Josh moved to
stand up, but Shane grabbed his arm.

     "May I have a good morning hug?"

     Josh cleared his throat. "Sure." Josh wrapped his arms
around Shane. Shane squeezed him closer and tenderly kissed
Josh's neck. Josh pulled back to get away from the embrace and
Shane stole a quick peck on the lips. He knew it could blow up in
his face but he had to do it. Josh froze for a second and caught
himself staring at Shane's lips and thinking about the kiss. When
his senses returned to him, Josh thought it would be best to act
as if the kiss was nothing. "I'll be downstairs," he said.

     Shane remembers how their first kiss happened so naturally.
It was spontaneous, just like all the other best moments of their
relationship. He takes out the book and reads the words again: TO
THE BOY WHO MAKES THE SUN SHINE, FROM THE MAN WHO SOAKS UP THE
RAYS- Love Josh. Shane knows he can read those words a million
times and it won't bring Josh back to life, but he's been reading
those words a lot since he lost Josh.

     Shane shifts in his seat and rests his head against the
window. He thinks about the uncomfortable ride to the beach after
their first kiss. Josh was unable to come up with much to say to
Shane. His mind was too preoccupied replaying the kiss that he
should have never let happen. He was the adult and he had given
Shane control for a few seconds but he refused to do that again.
He decided to be stricter with Shane because he figured keeping
Shane at an arm's length or more was the safest bet.

     Shane was riding in the truck thinking about the kiss and
plotting ways for them to kiss again. He failed to see anything
wrong with what he could feel happening between them. He was
attracted to Josh and he was confident that Josh was attracted to
him too. The kiss had eliminated all of his doubts.

     After thirty minutes of riding in silence, Shane asked,
"Are things weird between us because we kissed?"

     "We didn't kiss. Well we did kiss, but not that kind of
kiss. You're a kid. I kissed you like I would kiss a child." Josh
hoped that the words came out sounding true, but Shane's reaction
didn't give away if he accepted the explanation or not.

     Shane mulled over Josh's words. "I'm not a child, but let's
say it was an innocent kiss. If the kiss was nothing, why are you
acting strange?"

     "I'm not acting strange. I'm thinking."

     "About what? The meaningless kiss you shared with a child?"

     Josh didn't answer. He found it easier to ignore the
question and turn on the radio. Shane considered asking again,
but he wanted his trip to the beach and he had decided that he
wanted to share his first time at the beach with Josh so he
didn't want to do anything to ruin his plans.

     Josh stopped at a store to buy swim wear and sandals for
both of them. They managed strained conversations as they tried
on different outfits and modeled for each other. Josh was
constantly reminding himself that he was not attracted to a
sixteen year old boy. Shane was chastising himself for being
foolish enough to believe something more would happen with Josh
when it was clear that Josh was doing his best to build a wall
between them. Josh and Shane changed in to their swim wear and
sandals at a rest area. Shane wanted to just wear his swimming
trunks, but Josh insisted they both put their regular clothes on
over their trunks.

     When they reached the beach, Shane stood in awe of the sand.
He quickly lost his sandals and shed his clothes while he ran
towards the water. Josh watched in amusement as Shane and his red
swimming trunks jumped in the water and splashed around. Seeing
Shane being a child affirmed Josh's belief that a relationship
with Shane would be inappropriate.

     Josh slipped off his sandals and walked to the shore. "Are
you having fun?" he asked. The tide came in and covered Josh's
feet and ankles.

     Shane stopped splashing for a minute. "Yes!" he screamed.
"This is the most fun I've had since fishing with you yesterday!"
Shane stepped closer to Josh and the water began to go lower
until it was only up to his calves.

     "And when was the last time you had fun before that?" Josh
questioned.

     "I don't know. I was always worried about my mother so I
didn't have time to really enjoy anything. I spent most of my
life covering up for her."

     "What was wrong with her?"

     Shane frowned then took a few steps backwards and dropped in
the water. He dunked his head beneath the surface. It was an
immature way of telling Josh that the conversation was over.
Shane emerged from the water and slicked his wet hair back with
his hands. He looked at Josh, "Are you going to get in the
water?"

     "I will, after I find a spot to put down our towels and
leave the cooler."

     Shane looked at the scarcely populated beach. There were
three other people besides them. There was no need to find a
spot. All Josh needed to do was grab the towels and the cooler
and drop them some where. Shane pointed to a place in middle of
the sand. "How about there?"

     Josh turned and looked. Seeing as how no one was even
remotely near that particular spot, he said, "That looks fine.
I'll go set up."

     Shane watched as Josh walked towards the truck, picking up
his shoes and Shane's discarded clothes along the way. Shane
wasn't accustomed to having people do things for him so he had to
help Josh. Josh tossed their sandals and Shane's clothes on the
back of the truck and reached in the truck to grab the cooler and
the towels and by the time he closed the door, Shane was standing
next to him, dripping wet with a smile on his face.

     "Do you need any help?" Shane asked.

     "No thank you, I can manage."

     "Shouldn't you take off your clothes and leave them here?"

     "That's probably a good idea," Josh admitted. He sat the
cooler down and took off his shirt. Shane stood still and
watched. Josh reached to pull down his shorts, but he suddenly
felt the need to be modest. He turned to the side and pulled his
shorts down, revealing his black trunks.

     "You know I already saw you when you tried those on." Josh
smiled to himself because Shane was right. Josh wasn't hiding
anything Shane hadn't already seen at the store and to make the
situation more embarrassing, Shane was going to see him in his
trunks no matter what, so it was ridiculous to turn to the side
and try to shield himself from Shane's scrutinizing gaze. Shane
grabbed Josh's arm. "You look so strong. Do you workout?" Shane
asked.

     Josh's eyes focused on Shane's hand on his arm. The contact
was making him question if he would be able to maintain an
appropriate relationship with Shane. He pulled his arm away. "You
try working on the farm from sun up to sun down and you'll have
muscles, too," Josh said.

     Josh picked up the cooler and walked towards the beach.
Shane took a moment to soak up the way Josh's back and butt
looked. He was tempted to run to Josh and grab his ass, but he
wasn't sure how Josh would react, so he settled for walking two
steps behind Josh and watching his butt move.

     Shane hadn't needed to pursue sex with someone before. The
guys, both young and old, had always drifted to him. Age wasn't
an issue with any of Shane's previous lovers, but Josh seemed to
view age as the most important issue. Josh bent to drop the
cooler and Shane placed his hand on the small of Josh's back. He
could have easily lowered his hand and touched Josh but he knew
Josh couldn't handle that. Josh instantly tensed up. He couldn't
tell if Shane was aware of the effect his touch had on him or if
Shane's touches were merely innocent actions that his adult mind
was contorting to meet his own illicit fantasies.

     Josh stood up straight and stepped to the side in an attempt
to get away from Shane's hand, but Shane moved with him. "Is
something wrong?" Shane asked.

     "No."

     "You feel tense. Do you want me to give you a massage?"

     "No thank you." Josh started running towards the water.
"Last one in is a rotten egg!" he shouted.

     Josh was about to reach the water when Shane went flying by
him. Shane swam out a few feet then turned to see what Josh was
doing. Josh was right next to him. "I'll race you to the buoy,"
Shane said.

     "Okay."

     "1, 2, 3, go!" Shane said. He took off as fast as he could
and reached the buoy before Josh. Josh arrived and held on to the
buoy breathing heavily. "What do I get for winning?" Shane asked.

     "You're fast!" Josh said.

     "Oh, did I forget to mention I was on  the swim team at my
local rec and we trained every morning?"

     "If you had told me that, I never would have raced you!"

     "I know, that's why I didn't tell you. Now what do I get for
winning?"

     Josh looked at Shane in disbelief. Shane looked amazing as
he gave Josh a self satisfied smile. "I'll buy you lunch."

     "You have lunch in the cooler, so that doesn't work. I want
something else."

     "Like what?"

     "Would you let me stay with you for a while?"

     "I don't think that's a good idea. I don't have any kids for
you to play with."

     "I can walk next door if I want to play with someone closer
to my age. Rob and MaryEllen are nice, but they have too many
people living with them. I'm used to being on my own most of the
time. I know I won't be happy at their house."

     "I'll think about it."

     "Isn't the purpose of this trip to get me to stay longer?"

     "Yes."

     "Well I'm offering to stay for a really long time, but only
if you let me stay with you."

     "Why do you want to stay with me?"

     "Because I would prefer to live with one other person and
because I like you."

     "I'll talk it over with Rob and MaryEllen. If they think
it's okay, then I guess it's fine with me."

     Shane closed the distance between them and put his arms
around Josh. "Thank you."

     Josh pushed him away. "I haven't said yes."

     "But you will."

     "We'll see. Now let's swim back to shore." Josh began
swimming towards the beach. He knew it was a bad idea for Shane
to move in with him, especially given his attraction to the boy,
but he had a feeling Rob and MaryEllen would support Shane
staying with him. Rob and MaryEllen wanted to make sure Shane was
safe and they knew he would be if he was right next door. Shane
and Josh took the towels off the cooler and spread them out on
the sand. "We can't stay out here too long," Josh warned.

     "Why not?"

     "I forgot to buy sunscreen."

     "We'll be fine."

     "If I'm going to help take care of you for a while, I need
to look out for your best interests and burning in the sun is
definitely not on the list."

     Shane saw a woman squeezing sunscreen lotion in her hand.
"I'll be right back," he said. Shane returned with the woman by
his side. Josh stood to be polite. "She didn't have enough lotion
left for me. I told her that meant I had to leave soon and that
this was my first time at the beach and she said I should
document it. She has a Polaroid camera so I asked her to take a
picture of me and my step-father." He turned to the lady. "This
is Josh, my stepfather. Josh, this is Mrs. Sinclair. She's here
enjoying the sun."

     Josh held out his hand. "Nice to meet you ma'am."

     "Nice to meet you too, sir. Now why don't you two move so
that you're standing in front of the lake." Shane and Josh moved
around the lady and posed in front of the water. "Come on you
two, get a little closer." Shane put his arm around Josh's waist
and Josh put his arm around Shane's shoulder. "That's better,"
she said. "Say cheese."

     "Cheese!" Shane shouted. Josh simply smiled for the picture.
The lady took the picture and handed the photograph to Shane.
"I'm sorry I ran out of lotion. You know there's a store about a
mile away. They always have sunscreen."

     "Thanks."

     She looked at Josh, "It was nice meeting you and your step-
son."

     "Nice meeting you as well, ma'am."

     She smiled then walked back to her blanket on the beach.
Shane sat on his towel and reached for the cooler. "We should eat
lunch before we leave."

     "Okay." Josh sat on his towel. Josh watched as Shane used
one hand to open the cooler and take out two bottles of tea and
the tupperware container with their sandwiches in it. "You can
sit the picture down while you do that," Josh teased.

     "I want to see how it develops." Shane stared at the picture
as it slowly began to take shape. "We look good together," he
said then he turned to Josh and held the picture up for him to
see. "We both look happy."

     Josh took the picture and stared at it for a long minute.
"Yeah, we do," he admitted. Shane wasn't sure if Josh was
admitting that they looked good together or that they both looked
happy. Josh wasn't sure which one he meant either. He handed the
picture back to Shane. "Let's eat."

     Josh and Shane ate turkey sandwiches and Josh explained what
would be expected of Shane if he stayed. Josh told Shane he would
have to go to school, but Shane asked if he could take his GED
instead. Josh agreed they'd talk about it later, but he warned
Shane that Rob and MaryEllen would probably insist he enroll in
the local high school so he could make some friends.

     Shane turned the conversation to Josh and his childhood.
Josh went in to great detail explaining that he had been a happy
child until his mother married Mr. Lee. He skimmed over the
details of life with Mr. Lee and his time on the run with Rob,
then he talked about hitching a ride with an elderly man headed
to Rustic and ending up settling there permanently. He described
how the man and his wife had convinced the boys to stay and how
wonderful they had been.

     "What happened to them?" Shane asked.

     "Old age. They both died eight years ago. Bob went in April
and Alice went in May." Josh turned to look at Shane and ended up
looking directly in to Shane's eyes. He quickly looked away. "I
guess she couldn't bear to live without him."

     "They sound like great people."

     "They were. I think they saved our lives." Josh cleared his
throat and stood. "It's time to go now."

     Shane carried the towels and the photograph. Josh carried
the cooler. They put the things in the truck and Shane asked,
"Where are we going to change?"

     "Our trunks are almost dry. I say we put the cooler on the
back, throw our clothes and sandals on the inside and put the
towels on the seats and head home."

     "Riding in your trunks isn't going to bother you?"

     "No. I've been in them half the day."

     Shane wasn't going to keep asking questions and accidentally
force Josh to change his mind. Shane liked the idea of riding
back with their shirts off because he knew he could sneak peeks
at Josh's body. Josh was in a hurry and not thinking straight or
he would have realized that a half naked Shane sitting on the
other side of the truck might cause him to look away from the
road a few times more than usual.

     They had been on the road for five minutes when Josh
realized he was looking over at Shane too much. That made Josh
uncomfortable and he spent the rest of the drive forcing himself
to only look in Shane's direction when he was checking the
mirror. Shane and Josh talked about farming for a while, then
Shane turned the discussion to moving in with Josh. Josh kept
reminding Shane that he needed to speak with Rob and MaryEllen
before any final decisions could be made.

     "Would you really turn me away if Rob and MaryEllen said it
wasn't a good idea?"

     "I'm not sure. I value Rob's opinion a lot. He's always
pointed me in the right direction."

     "You make it sound like he's a lot older than you. He's only
two years older."

     "How do you know that?"

     "Because when Rob was fourteen, you were twelve."

     "Oh, he told you part of the runaway story?"

     "Yeah."

     Shane hears the snoring of the biker next to him. He laughs
to himself because he had pegged the guy for a snorer and that
makes him think of Josh. Josh used to snore lightly when he slept
on his back. Shane remembers waking Josh up and telling him to
turn on his side. Josh would always turn on his side and wrap his
arm around Shane. Shane closes his eyes so he can think about
Josh some more.

     Rob and MaryEllen were all for Shane staying with Josh. They
gave Shane some of Mike's old clothes and helped him get situated
at school. Shane was surprised he didn't need his old records.
The school gave him a few tests and put him in class. Over the
next few weeks, his days quickly became filled with activities.
He and Josh began every day by having breakfast with Rob and his
family. During the week, Shane went to school and then came home
and did homework or studied until Josh came home from Hattie's
farm. They ate dinner with Rob and his family virtually everyday.
Saturdays, Shane, Rob and Josh went fishing.

     Josh and Shane had tiptoed around what was happening between
for over a month when things came to a head one rainy Sunday.
Shane and Josh were sitting on the sofa in Josh's home talking.
Shane leaned his head on Josh's shoulder as he often did.

     There was something that had been bothering Shane, "Why
don't you ever go to church?" he asked out of the blue.

     "God and I parted ways a long time ago," Josh said.

     "Why?"

     "There are a lot of reasons. Mostly because of Mr. Lee. He
stole God away from me."

     Shane kicked his feet up and moved so that his head was in
Josh's lap and he was looking up at Josh. "How come Rob still
believes?"

     "I guess his faith is stronger than mine."

     "My mother and I never talked about God, and we never went
to church, but I know he exists." Shane stared in Josh's eyes.
"Do you want to know how I know?"

     "Yeah."

     "Because I could have ended up anywhere and I ended up here
with you."

     Josh cleared his throat and looked away. "Maybe you should
sit up." Shane put his hands on the arm of the sofa and pulled
himself backwards until his butt was in Josh's lap, then he sat
up. His face was really close to Josh's face. "What are you
doing?" Josh asked.

     "I see the way you look at me. You like me and most of the
time when you look at me, you don't look at me like I'm a kid and
you don't talk to me like I'm a kid. You look at me like you want
me, like I'm an attractive man."

     Josh took a deep breath. "You know Rob said you need to
spend more time with the boys. You stay in the house too much.
I'm almost the only person you talk to."

     "You're the only person I want to talk to."

     "That's the problem. If you were more social with people
your own age, I'm sure you'd find a boy you liked."

     Shane repositioned himself so he was straddling Josh. "I'm
old enough to consent to sex in this state, so why don't you want
to be with me? You wouldn't be my first, or the oldest guy I've
been with, but you would be the first one that mattered. I really
want to be with you like that." He gazed in to Josh's eyes then
whispered, "Just be with me. Please."

     Shane leaned in tentatively and used his lips to connect
their bodies. Shane stuck out his tongue and pushed against
Josh's lips, which promptly parted and gave Shane an entrance.
Josh allowed himself to be lost in the moment. He returned
Shane's kiss with unrestrained passion. All the nights of wishing
he could walk in to Shane's room and be with him became like
memories of a distant past. Josh pulled Shane as close as they
could physically be with their clothes still on and he attacked
Shane's mouth until his conscience finally caught up with his
body and forced him to stop.

     Josh practically picked Shane up and sat him on the sofa. "I
can't do this," he said then he left and went to his room and
slammed the door. He wasn't angry with Shane, he was angry with
himself for allowing things to go further than they should have
and disappointed that he didn't stop Shane when it became
apparent where Shane was headed.

     Shane sat on the sofa and licked his lips trying to find the
taste of Josh but there was nothing left but the memory of how
intensely Josh had kissed him and how complete it made him feel.
When licking his lips failed to make the memory seem real, he
opened his mouth, slightly stuck out his tongue and used a
combination of his index finger and his middle finger to gently
caress his lips then he let his index finger graze his tongue
before he slipped his finger in his mouth and sucked on it for a
minute then he grudgingly conceded that a finger was not a good
enough substitute for the real thing. He wanted Josh more than he
had ever wanted any man, but he couldn't wait forever to have sex
again and he didn't know what he would do if Josh kept rejecting
him.

     After a while, Shane got up and went to his room so he could
get himself off while he fantasized about a happier ending to the
kiss on the sofa. Behind his locked door, Josh was doing the same
thing. He imagined what would have happened if things had gone
further on the sofa and he allowed himself to indulge in thoughts
about Shane's naked body laying beneath him.

     The next morning Josh was wrought with guilt from kissing
Shane and from spending a good part of the night having thoughts
about Shane that he shouldn't have been having. Josh was supposed
to be a father figure to Shane, which meant he couldn't be with
him in a sexual way. He tried to think of possibilities but every
one ended with him having a weak moment and giving in to Shane.
Josh decided that he and Shane couldn't live together. It had
been hard to be near Shane before they shared that amazing kiss
and he knew the kiss had only made it harder because he wouldn't
be able to look at Shane and not imagine their lips locked
together.

     Josh rushed to get ready and sat in the livingroom. Shane
came down a few minutes later with his backpack in tow. Shane
behaved normally like nothing had changed, but Josh couldn't play
along. Josh asked Shane to have a seat. "We need to talk," he
said. Shane sat next to Josh and Josh stood and moved to another
chair. "After breakfast, I'm going to talk to Rob about you
moving in with them."

     "What?"

     "You staying here isn't working out. We've developed this
thing between us that has no right to exist."

     "It does have a right to exist or else it wouldn't. There's
nothing wrong with us wanting to be together. I don't get why
you're treating this like a big deal."

     "Because it is a big deal. I'm 32 and you're 16! You're half
my age!"

     "I'm old enough!"

     "I'm supposed to be taking care of you! What kind of person
would I be if I took advantage of you?"

     "You're not taking advantage of me! I want to be with you!
I'm old enough to decide what I want!" Shane stood and started
taking off his clothes.

     Josh averted his eyes. "What are you doing?"

     "I want you to look at me."

     "I don't want to look at you naked." Shane finished taking
off his clothes then walked over to Josh. Josh stood. "This is
why we can't live together."

     Shane tried to hug Josh, but Josh pushed him away. "I'm
offering myself to you! What do you want me to do, put a bow on
and tell you I'm your early Christmas present or something? You
like me and I like you. It's that simple. Fuck everybody else and
what they think!"

     Josh grabbed Shane and shook him. "I'm trying to do the
right thing here! Why won't you let me?"

     "Because I love you!"

     Josh released Shane and stood there looking at him for a
minute as he decided what to do. "Put on your clothes so we can
go to breakfast. We'll discuss this later."

     Josh and Shane went to breakfast at Rob's house. Rob and
MaryEllen could sense the tension between Josh and Shane because
there was something off in how they related to each other. Rob
pulled Josh aside and asked him what was wrong. Josh said he and
Shane had an argument but he was going to deal with it when Shane
got back from school.

     "Can Shane stay with you and MaryEllen for a while?" Josh
whispered.

     "Are things between you two that bad? You always seemed to
be getting along fine before today."

     "We were. I just think we need a little space to cool down."

     "You know it's okay with me. The more the merrier, right?"

     Shane spent the school day distracted by memories of his
kiss with Josh and hurt by Josh's most recent rejection of him.
Josh spent the day on the farm, taking out his frustration on
inanimate objects and grappling with the horrifying truth that
all he wanted to do was kiss Shane again.

     Josh left work early so he could be home when Shane arrived.
Shane walked in an hour later and flung his bag across the
livingroom. Josh walked in from the kitchen. "You know better
than to throw things in the house," he warned.

     Shane sat down on the sofa and sighed. "I knew you were
home. I saw your truck, so when do I move?"

     Josh sat next to Shane. "Rob and MaryEllen will let you move
in whenever you want to, but I've been thinking about it all day
and I thought I made a decision, but then I came home and I
remembered how it felt before you were here, when I used to come
home to an empty house, and I didn't like that feeling too much.
I wanted you to be here." He grabs Shane's hand and gives it a
soft squeeze. "If we're going to do this, and by this, I mean us,
it has to stay between us. You can't tell anyone."

     Shane looked at Josh, "I won't tell. I promise." He took his
hand away. "Now can I kiss you?"

     "I guess."

     Shane lunged at Josh and assaulted his lips with kisses.
"You won't be sorry," Shane said. Shane reached for Josh's zipper
and Josh swatted his hand away.

     "We don't have to do anything but kiss."

     "Yes we do. I need to be with you." Shane kissed him, "We've
waited long enough."

     Josh wanted to argue the point, but he wanted to be with
Shane more than he wanted to win an argument so he let Shane's
hand slip inside his pants. Josh knew Shane wasn't going to stop
and neither was he. "Let's go to my room." Josh and Shane raced
up to Josh's room. Shane jumped on the bed and laid on his back.
Josh laid on top of him and kissed him. "I've been thinking about
this all day."

     "Me too." The kissing stretched out across the minutes as
Josh and Shane pulled off their clothes while trying to keep
their lips touching. Soon they were naked and rubbing against
each other. Shane wanted more. He grabbed one of Josh's hands and
sucked on his fingers for a couple of seconds, then guided Josh's
hand to his hole. "Why don't you touch me down there," he
suggested. It wasn't long before Josh was finger fucking Shane
with three fingers. Shane kept breaking their kiss because he
needed to moan. The sound of Shane's moans were turning Josh on.
Josh's 8 inch cock was as hard as it was capable of being. "Your
fingers feel good, but I think I'm ready for the real thing."

     Josh reached in his top drawer and grabbed a condom and some
lube. "Are you sure?" he asked.

     "Yeah."

     Josh put the condom on and then put lube on two of his
fingers and stuck them inside Shane and twisted them around a
little. Josh withdrew his fingers and put some more lube on
Shane's hole then he lined up and started pushing against Shane's
hole. He finally broke past the ring and was able to slowly feed
Shane more and more cock until he was all the way inside him.

     Josh pulled out and pushed back in, which elicited an
extremely loud shout from Shane. Shane was making a lot of odd
noises as he screamed and moaned. Josh was so turned on by the
moans that he pounded away at Shane's ass like a jackhammer. Josh
pumped even harder and Shane continued to get louder until he
said, "Oh shit, I'm cumming."

     "Cum for me," Josh urged as he began a frantic pace. Josh
literally fucked the cum out of Shane. Shane came hard, his body
tensed and his eyes rolled back in his head for a second. He shot
cum all over himself then he got glassy eyed.

     Josh realized he was close. "I'm almost there," he warned.

     "Take the condom off and cum on me," Shane ordered.

     Josh pulled out of Shane and ripped the condom off. His hand
was a blur as it jerked his dick and pushed him towards the edge.
"Where do you want it?" he asked.

     "Wherever you put it, but make sure I get to taste some of
it." Josh scooted up the bed some then went back to furiously
jerking until he began to shoot. He aimed for Shane's face. The
first shot landed on Shane's nose, the next one landed near
Shane's mouth and the last one landed inside Shane's open mouth.
Shane closed his mouth and licked the cum off his lips, then
swallowed. He put his finger to his nose and rescued the cum from
there. He stuck his finger in his mouth and licked it clean.

     "Damn!" Josh shouted as he collapsed on his side. "That was
some good shit!"

     "Thanks." Shane wanted to tell Josh he was the best he'd
ever had but he thought that might sound phony. "I'm going to go
shower and get cleaned up for dinner." Shane was almost standing
when Josh pulled him back on the bed. "Wait. Let me hold you for
a few minutes." They settled in to a spooning position with Josh
spooning Shane. They laid that way for around four minutes then
Shane said, "This feels nice."

     "It does." They both drifted off to sleep and were awaken by
the phone ringing. Josh answered, "Hello."

     "What are you two doing? Do I need to send one of the kids
over there to get you? Dinner is almost ready."

     "MaryEllen we'll be there in a couple of minutes."

     Shane had cum that had dried on his skin and Josh told him
to take a quick shower. Shane jumped in the shower and was out in
about two seconds. They walked over to eat dinner with huge grins
on their faces. Rob and MaryEllen were happy that Shane and Josh
had worked things out.

     Shane wakes from a quick nap and looks at his watch. There
is still a lot of time left on the trip. He closes his eyes and
thinks about his first ride on a bus. He had to go away so he
could find himself.

     Shane wouldn't tell anyone when his birthday was so they
decided to celebrate his seventeenth birthday on the one year
anniversary of the day he came to town. Josh, MaryEllen and Rob
showered him with presents, especially new clothes that were all
his. After MaryEllen, Rob and the children left Josh's house,
Josh handed Shane a small book. "I had this made for you," he
said. Shane flips through the pages and sees photographs of them
together and looking happy. "Read the dedication."

     Shane turned to the beginning and read the dedication: TO
THE BOY WHO MAKES THE SUN SHINE, FROM THE MAN WHO SOAKS UP THE
RAYS- Love Josh. Shane put his arms around Josh and turned his
head up to wait for a kiss. Josh leaned down and gave Shane a
very passionate kiss.

     "What the hell is going on in here?" Rob asked.

     Josh and Shane looked over to see Rob standing in the
doorway. "What are you doing here?" Josh said.

     "I forgot to give Shane the present Mike sent over for him,
I wasn't trying to catch the two of you. Honestly, I can't
believe my eyes just saw what I think they saw."

     "What do you think you saw?" Josh asked.

     "The two of you were kissing."

     "Well then your eyes are fine."

     "Why? How? How could you do this?"

     "It just happened."

     "You're an adult for crying out loud. Kissing a teenage boy
is not something that just happens. You're not supposed to let it
happen."

     "I tried to fight it."

     "And what, you couldn't resist? That's bullshit! You're a
grown man. You know how to say no." Rob's eyes moved to Shane
then back to Josh. "Shane can't stay here anymore, not now that
you've proven you can't keep your hands to yourself. Is that why
you wanted him here? Were you plotting how to manipulate him in
to having a relationship with you?"

     "No. It was nothing like that."

     "How can I believe you? Do you remember when you were twenty
and I caught you fooling around with Randy McClintock in Hattie's
barn? You said it was a one time thing. You told me you weren't
queer. You wanted a wife and kids. Do you remember that?"

     "Yes."

     "At least Randy was over eighteen! Look at you! Fooling
around with a boy! Exactly how far have you gone with him?"

     "That's none of your business."

     "It is my business! I brought him here so he would be safe
and now I find out that my own brother is abusing him. I need to
know how much damage you've done! Now tell me how far this thing
has gone!"

     Shane finally waded through the shock long enough to find
his voice. "He didn't damage me. I'm not the innocent little boy
you seem to think I am. I went after him and now we're in love. I
don't care what you or anyone else says. We're going to be
together!"

     "The two of you won't be together on my property!"

     "Fine!" Josh shouted. "We won't live on your property!"

     "What's that supposed to mean?"

     "It means I'm tired of you treating me like I'm your child.
You're not my father! You never have been! I love Shane. He's the
first person I felt this way about since Randy and I refuse to
give him up just because my relationship with him offends you! I
know he's young. I did my best not to fall for him but sometimes
you can't help who you love. If you don't want us to be together
here, then we'll leave."

     "Where will you go?"

     "Bob left you this land and he left me that land over in
Grove."

     "You said you weren't going to move there until you had a
family of your own."

     Josh put his arm around Shane. "I do have a family now."

     Rob tossed the present in the closest chair then angrily
waved his hands. "You know what? Go! It's probably for the best
anyway!"

     "Hey Rob wait!" Josh yelled.

     "What?" Rob screamed as he turned around.

     "For the record, Randy and I were together until three years
ago when he up and got married. Besides Shane, Randy is the only
other thing I've ever lied to you about."

     "I don't care," Rob said.

     "We'll be gone by morning!" Josh shouted before the door
slammed behind Rob. Josh looked at Shane and saw that he was
crying. He wrapped his arms around him and softly whispered,
"It's okay."

     "I'm sorry," Shane cried.

     "Sorry for what? You didn't do anything."

     "I'm sorry for causing this to happen."

     "You didn't cause anything. I was going to have to separate
from Rob eventually. It's fine. We'll be fine."

     Josh told Shane to go pack his things and he went to his
room to pack. There was a knock on the door about an hour later.
Josh thought Rob had calmed down. He walked downstairs and opened
the door. MaryEllen walked in. "I only know a little about what
happened between you, Rob and Shane, but that's no reason for you
to leave. We're a family. Just give Rob some time to relax and
remember how much he loves you. I'm sure he'll come around. It
just caught him by surprise is all."

     "You don't think there's anything wrong with my relationship
with Shane?"

     "Josh, I saw it coming a mile away. If your brother paid
more attention to you he would have seen it too." She sat down on
the sofa. "Don't leave because of this. We'll work this out."

     "I've been thinking about leaving for a while and tonight
just proved that it's time. I can't live on Rob's land forever."

     "Rob doesn't mind and it's not like you're mooching off of
him. You help out a lot and you know he loves your company."

     "MaryEllen I'm ready to move on. I know things will settle
down, but I don't want to wait around until they do. You act as
if I'm going to be gone for good. I'm just moving to the next
county."

     "Why go when you don't have to?"

     "I want to, that's why."

     "You had already made up your mind hadn't you? You were just
waiting for the right excuse." Josh half smiled. "Will you at
least stop by for breakfast in the morning?"

     "I was planning on leaving tonight."

     "Nonsense. That house will be pitch black by the time you
get there tonight. You can leave in the morning after dawn." She
stood. "I'll see you for breakfast." Josh was no stranger to
being steamrolled by MaryEllen. He nodded his head in defeat.

     The next morning, Josh and Shane were both slow about
getting out of bed. Josh kissed the top of Shane's head, "Come
on, we have to go face them."

     Shane kissed Josh's chest. "Can't we just hide out in bed
until you're ready to go to Grove?"

     "Do you want MaryEllen to knock the door down?"

     Shane smirked. "No. I'll start getting ready."

     Shane and Josh walked in to Rob's kitchen hand in hand.
MaryEllen put her hand on Rob's shoulder to remind him to keep
his mouth shut. Rob sipped his coffee and stayed quiet throughout
breakfast. Josh finished his breakfast and said, "Well I guess we
bests be going now." Josh looked at Rob to gauge his reaction.
Rob was staring at Josh like there was so much he wanted to say
but couldn't. Josh smiled at his brother and stood at the table.
Rob didn't say a word as Josh and Shane left.

     Josh and Shane built a life for themselves in Grove. Shane
finished high school and enrolled in the local college and Josh
still worked on Hattie's farm. The only thing that hadn't changed
was the strain on Josh and Rob's relationship. They talked, but
they were never the same. Rob saw Josh's relationship with Shane
as a betrayal of his trust. He had given his blessing to Josh
taking care of Shane only to have the situation turn in to
something it shouldn't have been. Josh crossed the line and Rob
couldn't forgive him for that.

     In his last year of college, his life began to take a turn
for the worse. Josh became sick and Shane took him to the
hospital. The doctors thought it was the flu at first, but Josh
started coughing up blood so they ran a few tests and did some x-
rays. The doctors told Josh a few masses had shown up on th x-
rays and they might be cancerous. It turned out they were. Cancer
cells had spread throughout Josh's body and the doctor's told him
there was nothing they could do and he had less than six months
to live.

     When Josh and Shane got home, they curled up in bed and
cried together. After the tears dried up, Shane started talking.
"My real name isn't Shane Sutton, its Shane Spiers. The social
security number I use, I stole from the truck driver who dropped
me off in Rustic. My real birthday is September 7th, not
September 19th. My mother died on my birthday. It was my fault.
She was always forgetting things. A lot of times she forgot who
she was, but she remembered that day. I went to the store to get
her favorite food because I wanted to fix it for her. I didn't
check to make sure everything dangerous was put away and when I
got close to home, I saw that our house was on fire. The
firefighters wouldn't let me go in so I had to wait and watch as
they came out with her body hidden beneath a sheet on a
stretcher. She died from smoke inhalation. She had placed all the
matches on the couch and lit them. She probably thought the couch
was a cake. They found her sitting in her favorite chair. She was
less than five feet from the door. If I had been there, she would
still be alive."

     "It's not your fault," Josh said.

     "It is my fault. I just wanted you to know the truth about
me. We've been together for five years and you didn't even know
my real name. Now I'm going to lose you and all I can think about
are the things I've been too afraid to tell you."

     "I'm not dying tomorrow. I promise we'll have time to fix
things. I've been trying to track down your family for years. No
wonder I never found them. I had the wrong information."

     "Why were you trying to track them down?"

     "Because I knew they had to be looking for you and wondering
what happened to you. You're too wonderful not to be missed."

     "They live in Montana, but I can't go back."

     "You can always go back." Josh kissed Shane. "I love you."

     "I love you too," Shane whispered.

     Six months later, Josh was still kicking. He asked Shane to
take him to the beach to celebrate. "But I don't want to go to
the usual beach," he said, "I want to see the ocean before I die.
Take me to the coast."

     "That's too far of a drive for you."

     "I'm fine. I can make it." Shane couldn't turn down the
request of a dying man, so he agreed. He drove Josh to the ocean.
Josh was quiet for most of the trip. Shane had to help Josh take
off his shoes so he could walk on the beach. "I need to sit,"
Josh said. Shane opened up the beach chair he brought so Josh
could sit comfortably. Shane placed a towel on the sand and he
sat on it. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

     Shane looked out at the ocean. "Yeah, it is. It's the most
beautiful beach I've ever seen."

     "I hoped it would be. I wanted this to be special for you."
Josh cleared his throat. "I need to talk to you about something."

     "Okay."

     "You know I've getting my affairs in order and I've been
seeing a lawyer."

     "Yeah, I know."

     "Well, I wasn't only seeing him about my affairs. I had him
hire someone to find your family and he found them. They've been
looking for you ever since you left and they want you to come
home."

     "Did you tell them where I was?"

     "No, I haven't spoken to them. The private investigator
tracked them down. He told them he had a friend who thought they
knew where you were, but he needed to know more about you. They
showed him pictures of you and told him all about how you walked
out your grandmother's house after your mother's funeral and
never came back. You should go see them. If you don't want to go
by yourself, I'll go with you."

     "Why are you doing this?"

     "Family means everything, especially a loving family and
they love you. I know you had your reasons for running away, but
it's not fair to them to stay gone forever. You didn't kill your
mother. From what you've told me, you helped her a lot, but you
weren't equipped to deal with her problem. I still don't know how
her family didn't notice."

     "They thought she was an air head so they overlooked her
mental mistakes, and I made sure we didn't spend much time with
them, unless she was being herself."

     "You were a good son." Josh put his hand on Shane's head. "I
can tell by the way that you take care of me that you must have
taken good care of your mother and now you've grown in to such a
handsome man, let your family get a look at who you've become."

     "Maybe I'll go after I graduate."

     "Okay."

     Shane didn't want to see his family, but if it was important
to Josh then he would do it. They spent an hour at the beach and
then went back home. Shane had two months of college left, so he
and Josh made arrangements to fly to Montana and see his family.
Josh didn't live long enough to take the trip. He died two days
after Shane graduated.

     Shane couldn't deal with losing the man he loved, so he ran
away and left Rob and MaryEllen to deal with everything. Shane
decided he wasn't going to say goodbye to Josh because he didn't
want to admit that Josh was gone and he didn't want to be there
as a reminder of why Rob and Josh had lost the core of their
relationship. He thought he owed Rob and MaryEllen the right to
grieve alone.

     Shane made the drive to the coast and spent the summer being
a beach bum. He went to the beach everyday, rain or shine and
stared at the ocean. Towards the end of the summer, there was a
warning of a hurricane and no one was allowed on the beach. Shane
found himself driving back to the house he had shared with Josh
in Grove. He sat on the steps, but couldn't bring himself to go
in. He slept on the porch and woke up the next morning and drove
directly to the bus station.

     Shane gets off the bus in Mucksville, Montana and grabs his
bag. He walks the short distance from the bus stop to his
grandmother's old house and he knocks on the door. His
grandmother opens the door. She looks older and smaller than he
remembers. She smiles at him. "Shane," she says as she opens her
arms.

     Shane falls in to her arms and cries. "It's me Grandma."

     They embrace for five minutes before his grandmother pulls
back and holds his hand. He grabs his bag and walks in the house.
"I always knew you'd come back," she says. His grandmother makes
a big fuss about him and peppers him with questions about where
he's been while she fixes lunch for him. She stares at him while
he eats then comments, "You still look the same, I mean you're
taller and a little bigger, but you still look the same although
there's something different about you. You look so tired. You've
been through a lot, haven't you baby?"

     "My boyfriend died in May," he states. His sexuality was
never a question in his family, everyone just kind of knew.

     "Oh baby, I'm sorry." She walks around to him and hugs him
from behind. "Is that why you've come back?"

     "Yes. It meant a lot to him that I come back here and face
what happened." Shane grabs her hand. "Grandma, there's something
I need to tell you."

     Shane tells her how life was with his mother and how the
fire started that day. "Lily was always forgetful, I didn't know
it was more than that. I'm sorry I didn't see what was going on
with her, but it wasn't your fault. Her death was an accident.
Now let's talk about something else." She returned to her seat.
"How long are you staying?"

     "I haven't decided."

     "Okay. You can stay with me as long as you need to."

     Shane takes out his wallet and hands her the polaroid of him
and Josh at the beach. "That's my Josh," he says.

     His grandmother looks at the picture. "He sure was cute.
Looks quite a bit older than you though."

     "He was sixteen years older than me."

     His grandmother smiles. "Your grandfather was twenty years
older than me." She hands the picture back to him. "I'm happy
you're home," she whispers.

     Shane spends the next few days reconnecting with his old
family. He goes to visit the rec center where he used to swim and
he sees his old coach, Mr. Magnuson. Mr. Magnuson was the first
older guy Shane had sex with. Shane was fourteen at the time. Mr.
Magnuson is happy to see Shane. He hugs him and kisses him on his
cheek then asks him how long he's going to be in town.

     "I don't know," Shane says.

     "Well if you stay, you could come here and work for me as an
assistant coach. It looks like you're still in great shape."

     "I was on the swim team in college."

     "Couldn't stay away from the water, huh?"

     "No, I guess I couldn't." Shane tells him he'll think about
the position if he stays then Shane returns to his grandmother's
house. Rob is the first person he sees when he walks in, then he
sees MaryEllen. "What are you doing here?" he asks.

     "We told your grandmother if you ever got in contact with
her to give us a call," Rob said.

     "Why?"

     "Because you're as much our family now, as you are hers. You
can't just run away from us. Plus we have some unfinished
business." Rob hands Shane a large envelope.

     "What is this?" Shane asks.

     "Its what you left behind." Shane opens the envelope and
takes out a stack of papers. "Josh left everything to you," Rob
says before Shane can read the paperwork. "You have to sign
everything and send it back, then you'll get the insurance money
and the house you shared will be officially yours."

     "What am I supposed to do with the house?"

     "That's up to you. It's yours."

     "I can't stay there."

     "You can sell it if you want. You don't have to decide
anything right now. I just wanted to give you what was rightfully
yours. I may have had my problems with you and Josh but I never
doubted how much you loved each other. He wanted you to have
everything and you deserve it."

     Shane has a sudden thought. "How'd you find me?"
     "Josh's attorney had all the information about who you
really were and he had your grandmother's phone number. We had to
do everything we could to find you."

     Shane's grandmother invites Rob and MaryEllen to stay for
dinner. Shane has a good time talking with them and sharing
memories of funny things Josh had done. When Rob and MaryEllen
prepare to leave to go to their hotel, Shane tells them he
doesn't think he will be coming back to the south anytime soon.

     MaryEllen hugs him and say, "You don't have to come to stay,
but you better come visit because you're family now, whether you
like it or not."

     "Yes ma'am," he replies as he hugs her.

     That night, Shane is in his room, looking at the polaroid of
him and Josh at the beach that day so many years before. He
kisses the picture then tucks it in the small book Josh had given
him. He falls asleep wondering where life will lead him and just
as he's falling asleep, he thinks about the dedication:

TO THE BOY WHO MAKES THE SUN SHINE,
FROM THE MAN WHO SOAKS UP THE RAYS
- Love Josh

and he thinks about the photograph of them at the beach.
Those are two of his most cherished possessions. He closes
his eyes and has a pleasant dream about their first day at the
beach. He and Josh are always together in his dreams.



Copyright Lustyville 2008
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