Date: Sat, 17 Jul 2004 21:18:00 -0700 (PDT)
From: Mickey S <njmcmick@yahoo.com>
Subject: Billy and Danny II, Chapter 21

This is a story of love between two young men. If you are under age, or
live in an area where reading stories that include sex between males is
illegal, or if you're not into this type of story, please leave. The story
began in 1969. While the characters and their story are completely
fictional, it is set at places that are real and is told against a backdrop
of some real events. This was a time when all sex was safe. It isn't now,
so please respect yourself and others enough to always play safe.

I would like to thank all of those who have written to me with comments,
suggestions and encouragement, especially my fellow writers in the Nifty
Six. The author retains all rights.  No reproductions are allowed without
the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at NJMcMick@yahoo.com.

Mark

I woke up the morning after Billy and Danny's graduation party with a
terrible headache. Pot doesn't give me a hangover and I didn't have very
much wine to drink so I couldn't figure out why. Then I remembered how the
party had ended, what Peter and I had tried with Danny. Shit! I can't
believe I tried to force myself on Danny that way. What was I thinking?
This wasn't a hangover; this was a guilt headache. How was I going to face
the guys after that horrible stunt?

Peter was still sound asleep and I just lay there staring at the ceiling,
hating what I was doing to my life. Nothing seemed right any more. I seemed
to be doing what I wanted and everything made sense to me as I went along
but when I looked back over the past year it all seemed so wrong. I was
lying there berating myself when I heard a sharp rap on the door. Peter
just groaned and turned over so I got up and went to the door. Billy was
standing at the top of the steps outside. I opened the door and turned to
grab something to put on. I just didn't want to face the guys. Peter sat up
and rubbed his eyes as I pulled on my briefs.

"Hey, Billy, what's up? Where's Danny?"

"He's next door, Peter. I wanted to talk to you guys alone."

Damn! I hoped Danny wasn't too upset. Billy sure looked like he was. I
couldn't bring myself to say anything.

"Why, Billy, you got a problem or something?"

"You have to ask, Peter? Don't you remember what you two tried to do to
Danny last night?"

"We were just having fun, Billy. Don't tell me you're still annoyed about
that."

"Fun? Molesting one of your best friends is your idea of fun? You know how
Danny feels about sex outside our relationship and how sensitive he
is. What you did showed a complete lack of respect for him."

"Oh, lighten up, Billy. It's no big deal. We were just trying to show him a
good time."

I had been standing there staring at my feet, unable to even face Billy or
say anything but that was enough for me to finally find my voice.

"No, Peter, it is a big deal. We were trying to give ourselves a good time
and we weren't thinking of Danny. I'm sorry, Billy. We were dead wrong."

"You sure were but it's not me you owe an apology to, Mark."

"I know, Billy, and Danny has every right to be mad at us. Is he feeling
okay?"

"He was shocked and hurt last night but he's better this morning. He's not
mad at you but I am. I made him stay home because I wanted to make sure you
knew how much you fucked up last night. If Danny came along and saw you
getting upset about this he's so big-hearted he'd probably apologize to you
to make you feel better. You just don't seem to understand what a good
friend he is to you, both of you."

God, I thought I felt guilty when I first woke up. Now I just wanted to
crawl under a rock.

"I do realize what a good friend he's been, Billy, what a good friend
you've been, too. You guys are just about the best thing that ever happened
to me and I keep fucking up. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Of course, Mark, but we're worried about you. You've seemed so unstable
lately. You've got to settle down, get in control of yourself."

"Mark's just fine, Billy. He hasn't had it easy the past year but he's
handling things."

"I'm working on it, Billy. I'm trying to get it together. If you don't mind
though maybe I can apologize to Danny next time I see him. I don't think I
can face him today."

"Sure, Mark. Please take care of yourself. You too, Peter."

Peter and I got cleaned up, packed and left as soon as we could. I felt so
ashamed I just wanted to get out of there without seeing anyone else. Peter
tried to calm me down.

"I'll admit we pushed things a little too far last night, Mark, but those
guys should stop taking everything so seriously."

"They have a right to live the way they want, Peter."

"Yeah, but do they have to be so sanctimonious about it? They act like
their way is the only way."

"Well, it is, for them. And you act like that too, you know. You think
everyone should live your way."

"But my way is a whole lot more fun. You seem to agree, anyhow."

"Yeah, sometimes it is fun."

For the next few weeks I saw as little as possible of Billy and Danny. I
couldn't avoid them at The Restaurant but at least we were busy working and
didn't have to talk much. I did offer a brief apology to Danny the first
time I saw him and we left it at that. We had all been going out Fridays
after work most weeks but I started making excuses. I was just too
embarrassed to talk to them. I also started making excuses to Peter to
avoid seeing Terry or going to the baths. For a while it was just Peter and
me and that was all I could handle. I made up my mind it was time to get my
life in order.

I decided that the first thing I had to do was have the talk with my
parents. It was long overdue. The wall of silence I had built around the
issue was completely shutting out any kind of relationship with my
family. I never went home and almost never called. It was silly,
considering they already knew. So on my day off I took the train out to
Morristown and was at the house waiting when Mom and Dad got home from
work. I fixed drinks for all three of us while they changed into more
comfortable clothes. I wanted all of us to have a bit to drink before
bringing up the subject but Dad brought us right to the point.

"So to what do we owe the honor of this visit, Mark? It's been a while."

"There's something we've been avoiding talking about for a couple of years
and I think it's time we got it out into the open."

"We don't have to talk about everything, you know, Mark. Some things are
better left unsaid."

"I don't agree, Mom. It's time I told you that I'm gay. You've known it for
a long time but I don't want to keep it quiet any more. I love Peter and he
loves me and I want to be able to share that with you."

Dad gulped down the rest of his drink and refilled his glass and Mom's.

"Well, maybe we don't want you to share that, Mark. Yes, we've known about
you since that night we went to The Restaurant with Uncle Bill and Aunt
Marcie. But did you ever wonder why we didn't say anything? Because we
don't want to think about it. We don't want to think of you that way."

"But why not? So I'm gay. That doesn't change anything else about me."

"We thought that maybe you were just confused and that you'd come to your
senses after a while and then we could all just forget about it and pretend
this phase never happened. You only think you're gay because Peter is nice
and affectionate toward you. You're just good friends and you're
misinterpreting your feelings and his."

"I'm not confused, Mom. I know what I am. I've always known it. And Peter
is more than affectionate. We're not just friends, we're lovers. We have
sex, Mom. A lot. We fuck."

I was getting exasperated and losing my cool. How could they be so
delusional after all this time?

"That's disgusting, Mark. Your mother and I don't want to hear about you
doing sick, perverted things with Peter or any man. I think this
conversation has gone far enough."

"What do you mean, far enough? How can we just stop talking at this point?"

"By just doing it. I don't want to hear any more about this. If you persist
in this sick lifestyle then you'll have to do it on your own."

"What do you mean by that, Dad?"

"I mean that it's time you moved back home. You can commute to NYU from
here. If you want to see a therapist we will pay for a good one for you."

"I'm not sick, Dad! I'll admit that maybe I could use a therapist to work
on some problems I've got but so could you."

"Don't you dare talk to me like that, son. You have a choice to make. You
can take me up on my offer, or it's over."

"What's over?"

"If you insist on living this lifestyle with Peter in New York, we don't
want to hear about it and we are certainly not going to subsidize it. So if
you don't move back here, you're on your own. We will have nothing to do
with you until you come to your senses."

"If that's the way you want it, fine! You can both go to hell!"

I got up and stormed out of the house. I immediately headed toward Billy
and Danny's. I was so mad I was shaking and I needed to calm down. The guys
would know what I was going through. They could help me. I was halfway
there when I stopped.

Shit! How could I crawl to them for help after the way I'd treated them? I
hadn't even been able to look Danny in the eye since his party. Some friend
I am. What nerve to ask them to help me. It would serve me right if they
slammed the door in my face. They wouldn't of course, but I don't deserve
friends like them.

I turned at the next corner and headed toward the train station. All the
way to Hoboken on the train I thought about what a mess I'd made of my
life. Here I thought I was going to straighten it out and things were more
fucked up than ever. What's the point?

I opened the door to the apartment and saw Peter lying on the couch.

"Have we got any grass, Peter? I need to get high."

"We're all out, babe, but I just left Terry in the bar half an hour
ago. I'm sure he's still there and we can get some."

"I don't feel like going out again, Peter. Can you go down? Maybe Terry
will want to come over and smoke with us."

"I'll see, Mark, but he was with a couple of friends."

"What the hell, invite them all. We'll have a party. The more the merrier."

July 1973

Danny

I was so looking forward to this summer but it was turning out to be a
drag. We graduated and so this was going to be our last summer working at
The Restaurant. Two big changes. We were working five days a week to make
as much money as possible before the baby came which meant we didn't have
as much time off as we were used to but that was okay. It also meant we got
to see a lot more of Mark at work but he was totally avoiding us. At first
I was a little annoyed with Billy. I thought that maybe he had been a
little too tough on Mark and Peter the day after the party. That was silly
because I know Billy is good at handling problems like that but he's also
very protective of me. I figured it would just be a matter of time and Mark
would get over this.

After a few weeks he got a lot worse though. He was moody and out of it a
lot. A couple of nights he even seemed stoned at work. I tried to talk to
him about it but he just brushed me off, told me to mind my own
business. Obviously something was wrong and he was hurting but he just
wouldn't let me in.

I was feeling kind of lost myself. We were getting closer to the baby's
arrival and maybe that was freaking me out a little, but I think what shook
me up the most was leaving Rutgers. College had been a kind of security for
Billy and me. No matter what else was going on in our lives there was
always the routine of school. It was comforting. I knew that once we
started teaching our new jobs would be something like that again but at
first it would all be so strange.

There was something else about leaving Rutgers that was on my mind a lot,
too. One night Billy and I were in bed talking and I brought it up.

"You know, Billy, now that we've graduated we don't have our post office
boxes on campus anymore."

"Obviously, Danny, we're not students there anymore, but it's no big
deal. We never used them for anything much anyway once we moved to
Morristown."

"Yeah, but they were the only addresses our parents had for us, the only
way they could get in touch. Now that we've graduated, we're really cut off
from them. They couldn't get in touch with us if they wanted to."

Billy was quiet for a minute and when he spoke it was very softly.

"Danny, they had over three years to get in touch if they wanted to. I know
how much you miss them, and it breaks my heart sometimes, but I don't think
our leaving school is going to make a difference. I don't know what's in
their heads and I can't imagine why they would give up on you but I think
you have to face reality."

"I know, Billy. I guess I've always been afraid they weren't going to come
around but as long as there was a chance I held out hope. I'm so proud of
how we've put our lives together, I guess I was hoping I'd have a chance to
make them proud of me too."

"They should be proud of you. They're the ones with the problem, not you."

"They'd probably freak out over the baby but even thinking about that makes
me sad that they won't be a part of our child's life. I just wish they knew
about my life, about our life. Maybe they'd come around if they saw what
we've accomplished, what a good life we have."

"You could go to them, you know. I don't know what kind of reception you'd
get and you'd have to be prepared for the worst, but at least that way
you'd know for sure."

"Yeah, Billy, I could. I've been thinking about that all summer. That night
they found out about us keeps running through my head. I was so unprepared
then but I think maybe I could deal with them now."

"You know they might not want to see you."

"Yeah, they might not, but maybe I could convince them, win them
over. Maybe not, but I've got to know what they're thinking. I've got to
know one way or the other, once and for all."

"Do you want me to go with you? I know they never liked me and I'd probably
make things worse but I hate the idea of you facing them alone, especially
if it doesn't go well."

"I think it would be best if I went alone, Billy, but we'll figure
something out."

The next week Billy, Lucy and I drove to Livingston and stopped at the
diner on Mt. Pleasant Ave. They were going to have something to eat and
wait for me. It was only a short walk to the house from there. I was
nervous the whole way. It felt so weird walking the streets that I'd grown
up on. That all seemed a hundred years ago.

I got to the house and just stood in the road staring at it a few
minutes. There was a new car in the driveway. Finally, I took a deep
breath, walked up the sidewalk to the front door and pushed the button for
the doorbell. It occurred to me that in eighteen years of living there I
don't think I had ever rung that doorbell.

I was just about to ring it again when the door opened and I was faced with
a woman I'd never seen before.

"May I help you?"

"Um, I was looking for Mr. or Mrs. Stephens. Who are you?"

"I'm Mrs. Moore. My husband and I bought this house from the Stephens
family over a year ago."

It took me a second to realize what she had said. They were gone!

"Do you know where they moved to? Maybe you know some way to get in touch
with them?"

"I'm sorry. I think they were staying in the area but I have no idea where
they went."

"Well, thanks anyway. Sorry to have bothered you."

I turned and walked back to the road, wondering what to do. I looked across
the street and saw Mr. Vernon standing on his front steps, smoking a
cigarette. His wife never did let him smoke in the house. He might know
where my parents were. He and Dad were pretty good friends. I started
across the street toward him. He just stared hard at me, dropped his
cigarette, ground it out, turned and went into the house, practically
slamming the door behind him. I wondered what Dad had told him about me.

I decided to go back to the diner and talk it over with Billy and Lucy. It
shouldn't be too hard to track down my parents. They'd always had an
unlisted phone number but maybe the post office had a new address for
them. Just before I got to the diner a thought hit me and I got
depressed. It must have shown on my face when I walked in.

"Damn, that was quick, Dan. And from the look on your face it didn't go
well. Are you okay?"

"I don't know, Billy, they weren't there. They moved."

"I'm sorry, Danny. What are you going to do?"

"I'm not sure, Lucy. My first thought was it wouldn't be too hard to track
them down. I've got other relatives all over North Jersey who could tell me
where they are. But then I realized they moved when they had my address at
school. Even if they weren't ready to accept me they could have sent me
their new address, just to keep the door open, but they didn't. It's like
they slammed the door and locked it. I guess it's really over now for
good."

"Are you all right, baby?"

"No, Billy, but I don't want to cry in public. Can we get out of here
before I fall apart?"

"Sure, Dan. I'll drive, you try to relax."

"Easier said than done, Billy."

August 1973

Billy

Danny was so down when we left the diner that day he tried to see his
parents but I was surprised at how quickly he bounced back. He has been
hurting so bad for the last three and a half years but although he brooded
for a day or two he was back to his old self in no time. That was a good
thing because we both had job interviews lined up.

I had applied to all of the high schools in Newark plus the surrounding
smaller cities. Danny decided to stay closer to home since we decided that
one of us should be nearby to help Lucy with the baby. He applied to all of
the suburban districts around Morristown. He would like to have taught at
Morristown High. Not only was it so convenient but also Aunt Connie taught
there. Unfortunately, he and I felt we were a little too well known around
town so we decided it was best to put a little distance between home and
work.

By the first week of August we each had a few job offers. I was thrilled to
accept a job at Central High. Mrs. Watson probably had a lot to do with
that. I went to see her before my interview and she was so happy to see me
and thought my teaching there was a great idea. Danny accepted a position
at Chatham High School in a very white, suburban upper middle class
community ten miles east of Morristown. Both positions paid about the same
and we were disappointed to see that we would be making just slightly less
teaching full time than we were waiting tables part time. But at least it
was a start.

Aunt Connie had us over for dinner to celebrate the beginning of our new
careers. She had been our advisor all through the job search and made sure
we looked at all the right things and asked the right questions. Of course,
I had known all along where I wanted to teach but Aunt Connie made sure it
was an intelligent move, not just an emotional one.

"Only a few more weeks and we'll really be grown up. No more school, no
more waiting tables. And we'll have a baby."

"Yes, Danny, that's a lot of changes. How are you two coping with it all?"

"We're doing good, Aunt Connie. It was sad leaving Rutgers but we have so
much to look forward to. The same with The Restaurant. After Labor Day
we'll only go back there as customers. It is all a little scary, though."

"I keep telling Danny to think of it as an adventure. Yeah, a lot is
changing, but we do have some stability in our lives-our house, you two,
each other. The basics don't change. The rest we can handle."

"Well, I'm very proud of you boys, or should I say, men. You were boys when
Lucy first brought you here but you have certainly grown up."

"Thanks, Aunt Connie. Your praise means a lot to us. You're the only parent
Danny and I have."

"Speaking of parents, Danny, are you sure you're okay with what happened
last month? You aren't just trying to be brave, are you?"

"No, I'm fine, Lucy. I kind of surprised myself. I've been hurting so long
about them but I think I've reached the point where I just don't have any
hurt left. Though I wish it had turned out differently, it is still a
relief in a way. It's finally over. No more wondering and waiting. It's
sad, but at least now I can put all that behind me and look to the future."

"What about you, Billy? Any thought of trying to contact your parents?"

"I don't think so, Lucy. Gram and I don't talk much about them in our
letters. They know that she's in touch with me, yet they never ask her
about me. And I don't ask about them either. It's like we're each only a
part of each other's past. I can't imagine them accepting me or me
accepting them at this point."

"Like Danny said, it's sad, but it looks like you too are dealing with
it. At least you're not hurting any more. I think the way my parents
rejected me was probably the best. I was just a baby, too young to even
know."

"Your parents didn't reject you, Lucy. They were just too young and
immature to be parents."

"I know, Aunt Connie. I was just using the word loosely. I think of what
they did as more like putting me up for adoption because they weren't ready
for the responsibility. They actually did me a favor because they gave me
to you, the best mother in the world."

"I'll second that, Lucy."

"So will I, Danny."

September 1973

Lucy

We didn't exactly time this pregnancy very well with me being due two weeks
after the boys were to start teaching but it seemed to work out all
right. Actually, I kept them so busy with last minute preparations for the
baby that they didn't have time to worry about their new jobs. In early
August they helped me move into their guest room. We hadn't worked out all
the details but it seemed that for a while anyway it would work out better
if I lived with them. Once the baby arrived there would be three parents in
the house and Aunt Connie next door. The boys carried all of my things from
one house to the other and helped me unpack.

"I've signed us up for Lamaze classes starting next week, Danny."

"Lamaze? What's that?"

"It's a technique to make natural childbirth easier. Lots of breathing
exercises and mind over matter kind of stuff. You know I said I want to do
this all natural, no drugs or anything."

"I know, but are you sure, Lucy. I've heard childbirth can be awfully
painful."

"It's not so bad if you know what you're doing. That's what they tell me
anyhow."

"But why does Danny have to go to the classes, Lucy? You're the one having
the baby."

"Danny's going to be my coach. Even in the best of circumstances I think
I'll be a little distracted so it's up to the coach to keep me focused."

"Isn't it the doctor's job to tell you what to do?"

"The doctor is going be pretty busy delivering the baby, Danny. That's why
they allow a coach in the delivery room if you've completed the course."

"You mean I've gotta be in there when it's happening? I thought I was gonna
be in the waiting room with Billy and Aunt Connie."

"Relax, Danny, you'll do just fine."

"I don't know about this, Lucy."

"Just go to the classes with me. You'll get used to the idea and be looking
forward to it in no time. I'm sure."

Once I explained to Danny that if I had to give birth to this watermelon
the least he could do was provide me with moral support he threw himself
into the classes with more enthusiasm. He and I attracted quite a bit of
attention at the classes. We were the only unmarried couple and the only
interracial couple. And they didn't know that we weren't actually a couple.

We had the nursery fully furnished by Labor Day. Dr. Post felt that once I
was within two weeks of the due date it could happen at any time so we
wanted to be ready. The day after the holiday Billy, Danny and Aunt Connie
all went off to work at their respective schools, leaving me on the couch
in the living room watching soap operas on TV. I looked as big as a house
and felt so uncomfortable that I couldn't wait to deliver. I was a little
bit nervous thinking about going into labor alone at the house, though. I
had the phone number of Morristown High and Chatham High next to the
telephone in the kitchen. I felt bad that Danny was going to have to make
special arrangements in case he was called out of class in his first month
at the school but there was nothing we could do.

His first day of work he came home looking a little bit disturbed.

"Oh c'mon, Danny, it can't be that bad. The students don't even start for a
couple more days."

"It isn't the students, it's the administration. I told my department head
about the baby this morning. She started to get excited but then she
remembered that I wasn't married. She definitely did not approve. Right
after lunch I was asked to go to see the principal. In all my years as a
student I was never sent to the principal's office and there I was on my
first day as a teacher."

"What did he say? You aren't in any kind of trouble are you?"

"Dr. Swanson was pretty intimidating. He's middle-aged and very
conservative looking. He took the whole thing very seriously, too seriously
I thought. He practically ordered me not to say anything about the baby to
anyone at the school, especially not to any students. He said I'm supposed
to be a role model for the students and having a baby out of wedlock was
something I had to keep quiet about. If you go into labor and have to call
me you are only to say it's a 'family emergency.'"

"He sounds like a real prude, Danny."

"He is, and a male chauvinist, too. He told me that if I were an unmarried
female teacher who was pregnant that I'd be fired. I was going to tell him
that's discrimination except that he might have fired me to prove it
wasn't. As it is he told me that I should seriously consider marrying my
'girl friend' if I had any hope of getting tenure there."

"That sucks, but don't worry too much about it. You're not up for tenure
for three years and by then they'll all know what a great person and
teacher you are."

"I hope so, but this sure isn't the way I wanted to start my new career."

Both Danny and Billy settled into their new positions over the next two
weeks and I just continued getting bigger. One Friday I was having
indigestion after lunch and was blaming the baby for kicking my stomach
when I had my first sharp pain. That was no kick and no indigestion, I knew
immediately it was labor. Dr. Post had reassured me that there was no rush
so I didn't panic. I went to the kitchen and called her office. They were
closed for lunch so I left a message with the service and waited. They had
just called me back when I had another one. Dr. Post said to get over to
the hospital and she'd meet me there. I called for a cab and then called
and left messages for both Aunt Connie and Danny. I left a note on the
kitchen table for Billy and had just brought my suitcase down when the taxi
arrived. While getting into the car I had another pain, which resulted in
the cab driver getting me to Morristown Memorial in record time.

Aunt Connie arrived while I was still being admitted and Danny followed a
few minutes later. It was a little after three when we left Aunt Connie in
the waiting room and they wheeled me into the delivery room. By then the
pains were coming much closer together. Danny was much better than either
of us thought he'd be. I think he was so scared that he poured every ounce
of concentration he had into directing me through the breathing
exercises. He was so intense that he actually took my mind a bit off what
was happening. I won't say I didn't feel any pain, God knows I did. But I
was lucky and it didn't go on too long. I kept squeezing Danny's hand so
hard it's a miracle I didn't break it but he never even paused through all
of his coaching. Just when I thought I couldn't take any more it was
suddenly all over. Danny and I were both out of breath though I think I
might have been a little more tired than he was. He leaned over and kissed
me on the cheek. We heard the baby cry and both looked down toward the
doctor. She smiled up at us.

"You appear to have a beautiful healthy son."

We both got to hold him for a minute before they took him off to clean him
up. They had to clean me up too so Danny went out to the waiting room to
tell Aunt Connie. A half hour later I was clean but exhausted and settled
into bed in my room. Danny, Billy and Aunt Connie filed into the room,
followed by a nurse with the baby. She put him in my arms. Everyone crowded
around to get a good look.

"He's beautiful, Lucy. I think he looks like you."

"Well, he does seem to have my coloring, Aunt Connie, his skin and hair,
anyway. But his eyes are light."

"Maybe they'll be green like Danny's."

"I hope so, Billy. That would be a great look. He's so tiny. He sure felt a
lot bigger coming out."

"The nurse said he was six pounds even. That's pretty small."

"My mother said I was small when I was born, too, Aunt Connie. I guess he's
taking after his old man already."

"Lucy was pretty small when she was born, too, but then again she was a few
weeks early."

"So what are you gonna call him, Luce? Did you bring the list of names with
you?"

The three of us had spent half the summer going over dozens of names. We
had finally narrowed it down to five boy's and five girl's names but we
decided we'd have to wait to see the baby to make a final decision.

"I don't need the list, Billy, I know it by heart."

"I was thinking, Lucy. I know we didn't discuss it before, but what about
naming him after Brad?"

I looked down at the baby and thought for a minute.

"That's a sweet idea, Danny, but I don't think so. Whenever I hear Brad's
name I think of what a wonderful person he was and I have so many wonderful
memories, but I also feel sad, and I only want to be happy when I think of
our son. Brad would be honored that you thought of him, though."

"So what name on the list do you think suits him, Luce?"

"I know it's not on the list, Billy, but I heard a name the other day that
I really like and I think it goes with him. How about Tyler?"

"Hmm, Tyler. I like it. What do you think, little guy? You want to be
Tyler?"

The baby opened his eyes, looked at Danny for a second and then went back
to sleep.

"He doesn't seem to have a problem with it, Danny, so I guess that's
settled. How about a middle name?"

"That's easy, Lucy. William. I want him to have Billy's name."

"That's it then, Danny. Tyler William Stephens."