Date: Tue, 24 Aug 2004 20:07:33 -0700 (PDT)
From: Mickey S <njmcmick@yahoo.com>
Subject: Billy and Danny II, Chapter 25

This is a story of love between two young men. If you are under age, or
live in an area where reading stories that include sex between males is
illegal, or if you're not into this type of story, please leave. The story
began in 1969. While the characters and their story are completely
fictional, it is set at some places that are real and is told against a
backdrop of some real events. This was a time when all sex was safe. It
isn't now, so please respect yourself and others enough to always play
safe.

I would like to thank all of those who have written to me with comments,
suggestions and encouragement, especially my fellow writers in the Nifty
Six. The author retains all rights.  No reproductions are allowed without
the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at NJMcMick@yahoo.com.

January 1974

Danny

Everything seemed to be going so well with our interviews with Miss
Shapiro. I really thought we had her fooled but I guess Billy and I will
never be able to fool anyone about the way we feel about each other. It's
just too obvious.

"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean, Miss Shapiro. Whatever gave you
that idea that Danny and I were a couple?" Leave it to Billy to try to
bluff his way through.

"I'll admit you three put on a good show and you almost had me fooled but
there was just something that didn't ring true about this whole setup. Then
I noticed the snapshot on the refrigerator and it all clicked."

Oh, great, the one picture Lucy and I missed. I'd come across it the other
day and just stuck it on the door of the fridge because it brought back
such good memories. It was one Lucy had taken of us on the beach in
Ft. Lauderdale that first spring break. There was no explaining it
away-Billy and me lying wrapped around each other wearing our little red
swimsuits, kissing passionately.

"Okay, you got us. So how does that affect things? Does that mean Charles
has to go back with you?"

"Actually, Mr. Matthews, I was thinking that this just might work out
better. Most of the problems Charles has had are due to his being gay. Who
better to place him with than a gay couple? We've never done that before
but it makes sense although I'm sure some people would be scandalized by
the idea."

"You mean they might let Charles stay with us anyway?"

"As I said, Mr. Stephens, there is still more investigation to be done but
I don't see that your being gay would automatically disqualify you. I think
it could be a good solution to the situation but a decision like this would
have to be made pretty high up in the department. It actually makes your
household look a little more traditional-a couple and their friend and her
baby. It may take some time to make a decision on this but in the meantime
I see no reason why Charles can't stay."

"Just one thing, Miss Shapiro. As you know both Danny and I are
teachers. Our jobs could be in jeopardy if it was known at our schools that
we were gay."

"Don't worry about that, Mr. Matthews. We're in the business of collecting
information, not giving it out. We'll be discreet. If we decide to do this
the department may not want it to be public knowledge either."

Charles had been totally silent the whole time but as soon as the social
worker left he was all over us.

"You mean you guys are really gay?"

"Yes, Charles, Danny and I are gay but you can't tell anyone at school."

"Don't worry about me saying anything, although I haven't ever told anyone
I was gay but somehow they figure it out." He was silent and thoughtful for
a few seconds. "You guys aren't gonna make me do stuff, are you?"

"What do you mean, stuff?"

He looked really uncomfortable and glanced at Lucy.

"I mean, like sex stuff. Whenever anybody has found out I was gay they made
me do stuff to them."

Lucy got up and walked toward the kitchen.

"Why don't you boys talk things over a bit? I'll fix us something to
eat. I'm starving and I'm sure Charles must be hungry, too."

"Thanks, Luce, we'll keep an eye on Tyler." Billy waited until Lucy had
left the room before continuing. "You mean guys have been forcing you to
have sex, Charles?"

"Yeah. Those guys who beat me up and stabbed you made me blow them a couple
of times last year. And a kid in my foster family did too."

"Miss Shapiro told me about that one. I wanted to ask you your side of the
story. She said he was younger than you."

"Yeah, by maybe six months. But he was also six inches taller than me and
fifty pounds heavier. He forced me to do it."

"No one is going to force you to anything here. Well, maybe clean up your
room or help with the dishes, but nothing sexual. Billy and I are a
couple. We only make love to each other. Besides, you're still a child."

"And if anyone tries to force you to do anything you come to either Danny
or me right away and we'll handle it. Okay?"

"Okay, Mr. Matthews. Thanks for taking me in. You and Mr. Stephens are the
best."

"I think you can call us Billy and Danny. I'm only Mr. Matthews in school."

Billy

After supper Danny and Charles moved a twin bed, a dresser and a small desk
from Aunt Connie's house into our empty room. I wanted to help but there
was no way I could do any lifting until my side had healed. Charles didn't
have much stuff so it only took him a few minutes to get settled in.

Later in bed Danny and I again found a way to make love that didn't hurt my
sore side. In the week since I'd come home from the hospital I'd discovered
there weren't very many positions I was comfortable with in bed so we'd had
to tone down our love life a bit but we weren't giving up. One of our
favorites was a sixty-nine position with me on my back and Danny over
me. It required no exertion or stretching on my part and we both got to
enjoy each other. Afterward, we talked about having Charles in the house.

"It looks like things will work out okay, Billy. He seems like a nice kid
but damn is he shy. Was I ever that bad?"

"You were worse when we first met, baby. I could hardly get a word out of
you that first day. Of course, you were pretty intimidated by me."

"Yeah, I'd never known anyone like you before. On top of that, I was so
turned on by you I was afraid I'd give myself away if I said much."

"That would have been awful if I'd thought you liked me, wouldn't it,
Danny?"

"You know what I mean. I think things worked out perfectly the way they
happened, don't you?"

"Yeah, I can't imagine things being any better between us. So you don't
think Charles is going to get in the way?"

"No, I think we'll all get along fine but I don't think this is going to
work out the way we talked about it last night."

"What do you mean?"

"Last night we decided to have him stay with us until the state found a
foster home for him. Now, if they approve us, it looks like we're going to
be that foster home. I don't mind, but we weren't exactly thinking of
having him here for the long term."

"I know, we may have bit off more than we can chew this time. We'll just
have to see how it works out. There's a good chance they'll turn us down
anyhow."

"Yeah, Billy, we know what great guys we are but it's not obvious to
outsiders."

"Yeah, great probably isn't the word most people would use to describe our
rapidly growing family."

Over the next few weeks DYFS conducted quite an extensive
investigation. Danny, Lucy and I were all interviewed twice more by other
social workers. They also talked to Aunt Connie, June, Dr. Stern, Professor
Morrow, Mark and Clay. Miss Shapiro became a regular visitor at the
house. We were soon all on a first name basis.

"Any idea how much longer this is going to take, Rachel?"

"I don't know, Billy. There are people on both sides in the office. I think
that one positive sign is that we haven't been attempting to place Charles
with anyone else. It would help your case a lot if we could talk to just
one of your parents."

"We've been over that. You know we're not on speaking terms and the way we
left things even if you talked to them it would hurt more than it helped."

"Isn't there anyone in your families who would speak on your behalf?"

Danny got up, excused himself and went into the kitchen. He'd seemed a lot
better about the family thing since last summer but I knew it still got to
him now and then. A few minutes later he came back.

"I've got Gram on the phone. She wants to talk to Rachel."

I hadn't even thought of Gram in connection with this, probably because she
was so far away. We wrote several times a year and talked on the telephone
now and then but we'd only made one trip down to South Carolina to visit
her since that first time.

Rachel took her notebook into the kitchen, sat at the table and talked on
the phone and took notes for nearly fifteen minutes. She managed to get in
her questions but it was obvious that Gram was doing most of the
talking. Finally she handed the telephone to me and I was able to say hello
and promise to call Gram back soon for a longer conversation.

"She sounds like quite a character, Billy, and she obviously loves you. She
seems pretty fond of Danny as well."

"Yes, she surprised me. Growing up I always knew she loved me but I never
expected her to be so accepting."

"I'll add this interview to your file. It should help. It looks like we may
be getting to the point where a decision can be made. I don't think it will
be much longer."

With our hour commute together each morning and afternoon Charles and I
were rapidly becoming friends. I could see he was relaxing more around me
and opening up more. He was still very quiet at home around Danny,
though. Danny tried to draw him out but when you put two shy guys together
you don't get a lot of conversation. I was beginning to wonder if maybe
Charles didn't like Danny for some reason. If that were the case this whole
foster parent thing would never work. I asked him about it one day on the
train which is where we did most of our talking.

"It's not that I don't like him, it's just that I feel awkward around
him. I guess he's all right, but he's white. I've never known any white
guys before and I just don't know what to say to him."

"I didn't know any white folks before I met Danny either so I know where
you're coming from, Charles, but you just have to treat him like anybody
else. He's the nicest guy in the world."

"Yeah, you say that because you're crazy about him. When he's around me he
doesn't talk very much. Maybe he doesn't like me."

"He does like you, Charles, it's just that Danny is as shy as you
are. Obviously there's not going to be a lot of talking between the two of
you, at least until you get to know each other better. Give it time. I'm
sure you'll both start opening up to each other."

 I wish I could say that my little talk with Charles made a difference but
it didn't. If anything there seemed to be less talk between the two of
them. Charles wasn't even shy around me any more and seemed to like Lucy
just fine. He loved playing with Tyler although it's hard to be shy with a
five month old. What surprised me given what Charles had said about being
uncomfortable about Danny being white was that he didn't seem to have a
problem with Mark. It was just Danny. Maybe he really didn't like him. Not
everybody likes everybody else, though for the life of me I can't imagine
why anyone wouldn't like Danny. It didn't help that as time went by Danny
seemed to stop trying to make friends with Charles. He got annoyed with him
a lot over little things and wasn't even trying to make conversation with
him. I began to wonder if there was something going on between the two of
them I wasn't aware of. Maybe I'd made a mistake bringing Charles into the
house.

February 1974

Lucy

As Charles became an everyday part of our household so did tension although
I didn't quite realize it at first. I thought maybe it was just having
another person in the house, someone that none of us knew well. Charles
certainly wasn't any trouble. He was quiet and seemed eager to fit in. He
was willing to do anything anyone asked him, especially Billy. He was very
polite toward me, even more so when he found out I was pregnant. Apparently
he had experience with babies in some of his foster homes and he took an
instant liking to Tyler. He was quiet around Danny but Billy told me about
the talk he'd had with Charles on the train. Given Charles' background and
the fact that Danny was the only white person in the house it made sense.

There was also the uncertainty of waiting for a decision from the
state. For the first few weeks Rachel Shapiro was around the house quite a
bit and things seemed to be moving along. After she spoke to Billy's
grandmother on the phone it looked like the process was just about
over. Then a couple of weeks went by with nothing happening. Rachel called
now and then to let us know they were still discussing it but that was
it. The inaction definitely added to the stress level in the house.

One Saturday morning I was feeding Tyler when Billy and Danny came
downstairs for breakfast. Charles was apparently sleeping in, a pretty
common weekend occurrence. Danny poured coffee for the three of us and
Billy sat at the table across from me and helped himself to a piece of the
coffee cake that was on a plate in the middle of the table.

"It sounds like you've fully recovered from the stabbing, Billy."

"What do you mean?"

"For the past month or so you guys have been pretty quiet at night with
none of the usual sounds of animal passion coming from your bedroom but
last night you guys sounded pretty wild."

"Were we really that loud, Lucy?"

"Well, Danny, even down the hall I could tell exactly what you guys were
doing, and who was doing it to whom."

"We weren't that bad, Lucy. You're just horny so you were listening extra
carefully."

"Damn right I'm horny but that still doesn't mean you don't go crazy at
times. It's hard to believe a shy boy like you can have such a gutter mouth
in bed. 'Fuck me, Billy! Harder! Harder! Fuck my ass!' You guys could dub a
soundtrack for a porn movie. I'm getting used to it and I actually think
it's kind of sweet that after all this time you still have so much fun in
bed but keep in mind you've got an impressionable teenager in the house
now."

"Damn! You don't think Charles heard us, so you?"

"Well, Billy, remember that I leave my door open so I can hear Tyler when
he wakes up in the night. Maybe it wasn't so loud in Charles' room with the
door closed."

Just then I looked up and saw Charles standing in the doorway. From the
look on his face it was apparent that not only had he heard the boys the
night before but that he had also just heard our conversation. He hurriedly
poured himself a glass of milk, grabbed a piece of coffee cake, excused
himself and headed for the sunroom, all without looking any of us in the
face.

It wasn't long after that that I realized the tension in the house wasn't
vague and all-around. It was definitely between Charles and Danny. They
almost never spoke directly to each other and actually seemed to avoid each
other. Toward the end of the month we had several inches of snow fall
overnight and in the morning Danny went next door to shovel out Aunt Connie
while Charles worked on our driveway. They both insisted that Billy stay in
the house and not strain himself shoveling. I asked Billy if he knew what
the problem was between the two of them and he seemed mystified.

"I have no idea. I thought it was the racial thing for a while but Charles
gets along fine with Aunt Connie and Mark. What do you think?"

"I was wondering if maybe he was jealous of Danny."

"Jealous? What do you mean?"

"In case you hadn't noticed, Billy, Charles has got a serious case of
hero-worship going on with you. Don't forget you were the gallant knight
who rescued him. Even before that you were his favorite teacher."

"You don't seriously think he's got a thing for me, do you?"

"No, but he does have a major teenage crush on you. He probably sees Danny
sort of the way a teenage fan sees the girlfriend of her favorite rock
star. She has no real hope of having the rock star herself but still
resents the girlfriend because she's got him."

"I hadn't even thought of it that way. Maybe you're right. So what do I do
about it?"

"I have no idea. These crushes usually don't last long. Mine didn't,
anyway. And living here there's no way Charles will think you're perfect
for long. I'm surprised all of your obvious faults haven't turned him off
already."

"Thanks a lot, bitch."

"Hey, is that any way to talk to the woman who's carrying your child?"

"Are you going hold that over my head to make me be nice to you until
August?"

"No, Billy, I'm going to hold it over your head the rest of your life so
you'd better get used to it."

Billy

The guys came in from their shoveling and we all had a quiet lunch of soup
and sandwiches in the kitchen and then went into the living room. Charles
was carrying Tyler and tripped over the edge of the rug. He stumbled a few
steps before he regained his balance. Danny jumped toward him and grabbed
Ty from him.

"Watch what the hell you're doing! He's a baby, not a toy."

"Hey, I'm sorry, Danny. I lost my balance a second. It's not like I almost
dropped him or anything."

"Until you learn to be more careful maybe you shouldn't hold him any more."

Charles stood there looking hurt for a few seconds, then turned and left
the room. We could hear him running up the stairs.

"You didn't have to be so hard on him, Danny. There was no harm done. You
know how careful he always is with Tyler."

"He almost dropped him. How can you just ignore that? You're always
excusing him."

"I don't want to argue about it, Dan, but I think you overreacted. It's bad
enough you two don't get along well but I think you hurt his feelings."

"His feelings? What about my feelings? Forget it, I'm going to finish Aunt
Connie's driveway. I need some air."

Maybe Lucy was right about Charles being jealous of Danny, but what the
fuck was Danny's problem? He had nothing to be jealous about. He knew how
much I loved him and I certainly wasn't feeling anything toward Charles
that he could be jealous of but the situation seemed to be getting worse
each week. I wasn't sure I could put up with this shit much longer.

Mark

I pretty much buried myself in schoolwork after the holidays, which was
good because I hadn't been applying myself much in the fall. Between
school, studying, work and commuting I kept pretty busy. Not that I didn't
think of Peter quite a bit. It was hard not to. I missed him so much.

Last year we had gone to see 'The Way We Were' and I had been upset with
the ending. On the way out of the theater I had turned to Peter and said,
"But if two people really love each other it HAS to work." Little did I
realize that I was soon about to learn in real life that sometimes love
just isn't enough.

Now and then I stopped for a drink after work but usually I left the city
as soon as school or work was over. Peter and I bumped into each other a
lot at first but soon we learned how to avoid each other. He liked hanging
out at the Ninth Circle so I went to Julius' up the street. It's not that
we didn't want to see each other; it's just that it made us both sad.

One Friday night I had worked at The Restaurant, gone to Julius' for a
couple of drinks and just made the last train home to Morristown. It was
nearly three when I got to the apartment and I collapsed into bed. I was
awakened at what seemed like dawn but was actually nine by a knocking on
the door. I threw on my robe and answered it.

"Uncle Bill! What brings you here?" Some of the cobwebs cleared from my
brain. "Have you heard something?"

"No, Mark, still nothing. I don't really expect to after all this time but
I do have a little hope. Your Aunt Marcie jumps every time the phone rings
or there's a knock on the door."

"Then what are you doing here? Sorry, that sounded rude. I'm still
half-asleep. I worked last night."

"No offense taken, Mark. I've been up for hours and didn't realize you
might still be in bed. I wanted to talk to you about your parents."

"Sure, c'mon in. I'll make some coffee." I put some water on to boil and
spooned some instant coffee into two mugs. "So what's up with them? It's
been a few weeks since I saw Jamie."

"We're having a party next Saturday night to celebrate their twenty-fifth
anniversary. I was hoping that you'd come."

"I think they'd rather I didn't. I'd probably ruin their party."

"Maybe not. I've been talking to them, trying to make them see
reason. Having lost my son it appalls me to see them shut you out of their
life like this." This didn't sound like the old Uncle Bill. My surprise
must have showed. "I know, I was pretty nasty that night we were all at
that restaurant in the Village and I was always pretty rough on you and
your friends. I've had a lot of time lately to think things over, to see
what's really important and what's not. Anyway, I told them I was going to
invite you and they didn't object. I hope you'll come."

"I would like to get back on better terms with them. Do you mind if I ask
Lucy to go with me? I may need some moral support."

"Not at all. Marcie and I would love to see her. I talk to her on the
telephone now and then but we haven't seen her in over a year."

Lucy agreed to be my date so the next Saturday night we drove out to
Mendham to the Black Bull Inn for the party. Uncle Bill and Aunt Marcie
were both dressed more appropriately for their age than I had ever seen
them and neither one appeared to be drinking anything stronger than
soda. They both hugged and kissed Lucy and Aunt Marcie spent a long time
talking to her. My parents weren't quite so friendly but at least they
weren't hostile. We greeted somewhat stiffly and made small talk for a few
minutes before I moved on to other family members. I spent most of the
evening talking to Jamie but I did talk to Mom and Dad a couple of other
times. They weren't warm but I didn't sense any anger either. Maybe Uncle
Bill was getting through to them. I would have never guessed he would end
up the peacemaker in the family.

Even though the night was somewhat awkward it was still good to be back
with my family and gave me hope that things would get better. On the way
home I talked to Lucy about it.

"I'm trying not to hope too much. After all, I'm still gay and we didn't
even talk about that so I don't know what they're thinking."

"Give them time, Mark. Since you don't live with them they don't have to
face it every day but if you see them now and then they may eventually get
used to the idea."

"Yeah, I guess the important thing is to work on it and not be impatient. I
kept thinking of Billy and Danny tonight and how horrible it must be for
them to be separated from their families all these years. It's only been a
year for me and Jamie and Kathy were still speaking to me, yet I haven't
handled it well."

"The boys really don't talk much about it. They never have, not even to
me. I know they were hurting terribly in the beginning and it must still
hurt but they help each other through it. One of my reasons for having
these babies was to fill the void left in my life from losing Brad. I think
maybe Billy and Danny are filling a void, too, with Tyler and the new baby
and with Charles as well. They're building a family to replace to ones they
lost."

"They deserve the best family in the world, Lucy. They're such great guys
and I love them both so much."

"Yeah, Mark, we all do."


March 1974

Danny

For the longest time I kept trying to warm up to Charles but I just
couldn't get anywhere with him. It was so frustrating. It was so hard for
me to put myself out and try to be his friend and it was annoying to see no
results for my efforts. As time went by it was obvious he liked everyone
else in our little family. It was just me. I started getting more and more
annoyed with him. I was used to people liking me. I mean, I know not
everyone likes me. Most people don't even notice me enough to form an
opinion. I'm sure I rub some people the wrong way but I don't have to live
with them. I thought that if I just knew what it was that Charles didn't
like I could change it, but after a while I was so aggravated by the whole
thing that I wasn't into putting in any effort. It didn't help that he and
Billy were becoming better and better friends. It just made me feel more
left out.

For a few days after I blew up at him we coexisted in silence. Things
weren't that great between Billy and me either. He thought I was being
immature. The thing is, he was right. Rationally, I knew I shouldn't be
mad. But I couldn't help it.

One night we were having supper when the phone rang. I was closest so I got
up to answer it. It was Joanne.

"Hey, Danny, I need a big favor."

"Sure, Joanne, if I can. What do you need?"

"I'm supposed to do a speaking engagement for the Alliance at the
Morristown Women's Club tonight but my car won't start. I called Eddie but
he's got the flu."

"You want us to come over and try to jump start you? Billy and I don't know
anything about cars but we can do that."

"No thanks, Danny. Frankie will take a look at it when she gets in
later. But can you fill in for me at the Women's Club?"

"I don't know. I haven't done one of those things in nearly a
year. Besides, we were going to the movies to see the new Mel Brooks film
tonight."

"Please, Danny, there isn't anyone else I can get at such late
notice. Maybe Billy will do it with you and you can go to the movies
tomorrow."

"I'll ask." I put my hand over the mouthpiece and told Billy what was going
on. "Why don't you take Charles to the movies and I'll meet you back here
afterward?"

"We can go another night if you want."

"No, you guys go ahead. I'm sure you'll have a fine time without me." I
didn't mean to sound bitter but Billy gave me a sharp look so I knew it
hadn't come out the way I meant it.

"Okay, if you're sure."

I hadn't done a speaking engagement since the start of the school
year. Although it was hard for me to be less active in the Alliance I was
trying to follow Evan's advice about not being too publicly out. If this
had been anywhere near Chatham I wouldn't have gone but the Women's Club
was only a few blocks from the house and the whole neighborhood pretty much
knew about Billy and me anyway.

The evening went pretty much the way they usually did. The point of doing
these things wasn't so much to make an activist speech as to let the people
meet a real gay person. It was more a personal meeting than a political
one. I talked a lot about my relationship with Billy and about our
friends. I didn't bring up Tyler, though. I thought that might completely
blow their minds. I'd found through doing these that most people were
pretty ignorant about gay life. That wasn't surprising since I had been too
just a few years ago. They always seemed shocked to find out that we were
pretty much like them. Most of them were polite but there were usually one
or two who weren't very tolerant.

The one this night was a redhead with big hair in her late forties. She
kept going on and on about how 'unnatural' it was to be gay, how I wasn't
giving myself a chance by excluding the possibility of heterosexuality from
my life. She thought I was too young to make a decision like that. I tried
to argue that it would be unnatural for me to try to be anything else and I
doubted if she would recommend to a twenty-two year old straight guy that
he keep his options open. She threw in a few quotes from the Bible, which
made me wish Billy had been there to respond in kind and then wrapped up
her argument with the opinion that I was sick. I could at least respond to
that, pointing out that the APA had recently voted overwhelmingly that
homosexuality was not an illness. I hated having someone be so hostile
toward me and having to defend myself but there was the side benefit that
someone that antagonistic usually got the rest of the audience on my
side. After she'd said what she had to she quieted down and the rest of the
meeting went better. When there were a few of us speaking we usually hung
out afterwards and answered individual questions but being the only speaker
made me feel shy once the program had ended. And though I'd never let her
know it that redhead really got to me. I hadn't been in the greatest mood
lately anyway. I just wanted to go home and relax. I walked out of the
meeting room into the main hall and practically bumped into Dr. Swanson, my
principal. I tensed up as soon as I saw him.

"Dan, what brings you here?"

"Oh, I was here for a meeting. I only live a few blocks away." I had no
idea why I said that, it didn't explain why I was there. "What are you
doing here?"

"I'm here to pick up my wife. Oh, there she is now."

I turned and saw the redhead coming out of the meeting room. I tried to
think of an excuse to slip out quickly but my brain wouldn't work. She
walked toward us with a puzzled look on her face.

"Dear, this is Daniel Stephens, a new history teacher at school. Dan, this
is my wife, Carolyn."

Mrs. Swanson's eyes grew large and her mouth dropped open a bit. I hoped
that she was too stunned to speak. I quickly held out my hand.

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. Swanson. I wish I could stay and chat but I have to
get home. See you at school tomorrow, Dr. Swanson."

I didn't wait for any response but turned and walked quickly out of the
building. It looked like I was going to the principal's office again
tomorrow for another lecture on being discreet.

I got home to an empty house. Lucy had left a note that she and Tyler were
next door. Normally after a speaking engagement I liked to talk it over
with Billy but he and Charles weren't back from the movies and I really
didn't want to talk to Charles anyway so I went upstairs, undressed,
grabbed a book and climbed into bed. After a while I heard the front door
open and then the sound of Billy and Charles laughing. I put my book down,
turned off the light and went to sleep. I just wasn't in the mood for the
two of them.