"His name is Sean," English tells me.
The boy hides behind English when he approaches. There is a shyness about him. He's young, very young. I don't know the first thing about kids. As I look at him I'm not sure exactly how to even react to him.
"Hey..." I tell him.
"I heard you like boys..." Sean tells me.
"Sean!" English answers.
English has that Dad look to him. I mean don't get me wrong he was still fine and I'm actually shocked Shantelle was able to get a guy like him, but he has this boy neighborhood "Good Guy" quality about him. I'm not sure to trust it. There weren't a lot of good guys where I come from. English immediately has an awkward look on his face, picking the boy up and whispering something to him. I'm not sure what it is but it's clear English is telling him that it was rude. I'm looking at this boy while English holds him and I just feel this shiver down my spine unlike I've ever felt in my goddam life.
"Come in..." I tell English.
I let them walk in the house and the whole time my mind is just racing. It's not every day you were hit with a bomb like this.
I had a fucking son!
This whole fucking time!
As we walk into the living room I realize that my brother, Keon, Graph and my nieces are all in the living room. They seem really confused when I walk in with this guy who looks like he plays football who just so happens to have a kid underneath his arm.
It's Keon who looks over at me, "What's going on?"
I look at English. English looks back at me.
"I have a son."
I look at Keon. I want to know how he reacts. This was the man that I one time wanted to spend the rest of my life with. This was the man that I thought I would be having kids with. I wonder if it's hitting him just as hard as it hit me when I found out what he was up to while I was in jail. It's Joshua that is freaking out all of a sudden asking a million questions that English is struggling to answer. I block it all out and look over at Keon.
He puts his hand on his head at that moment.
That's all he said. I don't know how to take it. Keon could be taking this hard or he could not give two fucks. Right now he just seems...surprised like the rest of us.
"Shantelle?" my brother states after English tells him who the mother is, "That chick you were going to marry? She never told you?"
"We should do a blood test or something, don't you think?" Keon asks.
Keon looks at me as he says it. I don't know how to respond. A million thoughts are running through my head. A SON! I had a fucking son?
"That's his baby," Joshua states.
I know why Joshua says it. He looks at the boy. The boy looks like the spitting image of my father. My father had some strong genes when it came to Joshua and I. We both shared the wide eyes, dark skin and rounded jaws. Keon might not have been aware but Joshua and I knew just by looking at this boy. We were sure of it. This boy was my son. There was no denying this kid even if I wanted to.
Keon seems a little bothered. I can't be sure at first but when he sits down next to me and asks, "You OK man?" I know that he's bothered.
It kind of feels good a little bit. Keon had been so anti-social since I walked into this house that I didn't know if he even cared about me anymore. Right now he has his hands on my back rubbing it. He's comforting me right in front of Joshua. He's showing me that I still matter to him somehow. It's all I've been wanting to see from him. It seemed like since I got out of jail he was going out of his way to try to make it seem like I didn't even exist...until now.
I don't know how to respond. I find myself sitting on the couch completely ignoring my brother. I feel a little faint. I'm actually surprised when it's Keon who walks over to me at that moment.
"Graph you mind taking the kids out to the beach?" Joshua states.
The boy clings onto English clearly not comfortable with tall ass Graph attempting to take him away with my nieces. My nieces seem desperate for a new friend but little Sean doesn't seem to be having it. It isn't until English bends down and whispers something in his ear that he seems to get a little bit of courage to leave with Graph. I can't keep my eyes off of him as they leave.
"He's a little...shy," English tells me, "Not good with strangers. I've been trying to break him out of it."
English looks at me as he says it. I don't know how to feel about him or this kid. All my emotions are welling up in me.
"Shantelle's fucked up for not saying something sooner," Keon states.
"You should talk," I spit out.
It's not the time or place. I realize that immediately as the words leave my mouth. I regret it too because all of a sudden Keon stops his comfort. All the tension we've had comes back like a storm and he gets up off the couch to put some distance between us.
"I told her it was wrong. I tried to convince her but she just had...beef man. I promised Shantelle, I'd reunite them," English states.
Shantelle found out I was gay. She broke off the engagement. I let her go. Me being with Shantelle even a little bit was one of the biggest regrets I had. I can't help but to look over at Keon. I was going to marry Shantelle but the entire time I was in love with Keon. I never asked his opinion. We argued so many times about Shantelle. I told Keon she would just be a beard. She meant nothing. The fucked up part about it is back then Keon would have believed anything I said.
This little boy is a reminder to Keon of my infidelity back then. I can tell when he watches Graph take the little boy out. I wonder if he resents me over it.
"He's been staying with you?" Joshua asks English.
I kind of feel bad for English being under immediate suspicion from both Joshua and Keon. They are both staring at him. They are both glaring.
"Yeah. That's my little man," English says laughing a little bit.
It's awkward. Super awkward. Keon is staring at him clearly not knowing what to say. Joshua is the only one who seems to be able to say more than two words at this moment.
"You said your name was English?" Joshua asks, "You're a good guy English. Taking care of another man's responsibility all this time. My family definitely appreciates it."
Why would Joshua say that in front of me as though I knew about the kid and purposely decided not to raise him? Was Joshua blaming me for this shit? I look at him and I'm just...pissed. My heart is racing. I'm embarrassed and disappointed. I went to jail not knowing I had someone who needed me.
English smiles, "No need to thank me. I love the kid..."
"I can take him," I state.
You would think I dropped a nuclear bomb when I say that. All of a sudden all three men turn to stare at me like I've completely lost my mind.
"Um..." English starts off.
"Jamison what are you talking about?" Keon asks.
I don't get the shocked looks and confusion.
"He's my son. He's my responsibility," I state, "English thank you for all you've done as far as helping him even after Shantelle died but he's my responsibility and I want to let you know that I'm taking over from here on out."
"What do you know about being a dad?" Keon asks me.
Rude. He was looking down on me. Now he had two little girls while I was in jail and he felt like he could just piss on me. I was disappointed in Keon but I'm wondering every moment if this is more than what it actually seems like.
"I think there needs to be a transition for Sean's sake. He's kind of used to me at this point..."
"You can still be in his life, of course," I start.
"Jamison that's not going to work..." Joshua states.
I look over at Joshua. He has that usual smug, conceited Joshua glare. You would think I was a child who he was explaining the meaning of life to by the way he looks at me.
He completely ignores me, "English, would you be OK with being Sean's primary caretaker at least for now. My family will make sure you are compensated for everything."
English seems confused. He looks at my brother. Then he looks at me.
"Joshua I said I'm taking the boy," I state.
Joshua ignores me, "English..."
English seems stuck between a rock and a hard place. My brother is ignoring me as though the little boy isn't actually my child.
English throws his hands up, "I mean it's up to Jamison. He's the dad."
I'm kind of glad that English has my side at this point. The fact that someone does have my side seems to drive Joshua into a frenzy.
"I'm sorry to state the obvious but you're a convict..."
"Joshua..." Keon tries to stop him.
Joshua ignores him and points at me, "He went to jail for killing our father. Like how is he mentally or emotionally capable of taking care of a child at this point?"
"It's my FUCKING child," I bark.
I get in Joshua's face. If Keon and English aren't there to pull me away at that moment I swear that I would have socked Joshua right in his fucking face.
"And it's my nephew. How do you plan on even supporting a child..."
"Give me my money from the club."
"Yes my money," I respond, "I'm part owner of the Marchioness."
Joshua sneers at me! He sneers at me as though I said the funniest thing in the world at that moment. You would think I was a comedian by the reaction he gives me. I don't remember being so pissed as to be sneered at.
Joshua looks past me!
He looks right through me as if I'm not even standing there.
Joshua looks over at English, "English my brother did a crime. A violent crime and I want to make sure he is mentally and emotionally able to support a child before he gets involved. I'm sure you understand right? Especially if you really love Sean."
"Um..." he says looking at me before hesitating and then looking back at my brother, "I understand."
"Then it's settled," Joshua responds, "Welcome to the family."
"WHERE YOU THINK YOU GOING! I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU! JOSHUA! JOSHUA!" I am screaming behind him.
Joshua ignores me to go call Graph back in the house with the kids. I literally want to chase him out but I don't get far. Keon stops me from leaving the room with a stiff arm.
"You don't have the money, Joshua," Keon tells me.
I look at him. I'm so confused.
"What are you talking about?" I ask.
Keon takes a minute. He gathers himself up as if I'm asking him the most difficult question in the world.
"You may want to talk to Marcella. She does accounting for the club."
English comes with me to the club. I'm not sure why. I think he feels bad. I think he knows that I have the right to demand to be with my son as well. Graph watches the kids but honestly I'm so confused by the time we get to the club to meet Marcella that I don't even say a word to English.
"You don't remember signing this?" Marcella asks.
Marcella works directly for Joshua. She is a cold bitch. She's one of those ladies who has constant resting bitch face. When I arrive in her office I swear I don't remember a time she's ever smiled even before I went to prison.
"What the fuck is that shit?" I ask.
Marcella looks at me like I'm some ghetto piece of shit when I don't even take the paper from her. I could care less. She's on some funny business for her boss. I just know it. Something is really fishy with how Joshua had responded in regards to the money.
It's English who takes the folder.
He looks over at me after reviewing it, "You handed over your ownership of the company in return for help with your trial?"
"What?" I ask.
"Your signature is on this."
I grab it out of English's hands. I jerk it. I know I'm being rude and he has nothing to do with this but I don't care right now. I'm steaming.
That's when I realize it. I did sign this.
"I was under emotional distress," I state, "I wasn't in my right mind."
I hardly remember signing it. I was in jail. I had no help. I had no lawyer. The only person in my corner was Joshua. Of course I would have signed anything he wanted me to sign. I never thought I'd see the light of day and with Joshua's lawyers I probably never would have. I owed Joshua everything. That's what I thought.
I never thought I'd be signing over my rights to the club while I did it.
"Clearly...you did kill your father," Marcella states.
"Bitch I swear to God. I need to talk to Joyous..."
Joyous would be pissed Joshua was taking over like that.
Marcella seems unbothered "Since you came out of jail, have you seen Joyous?"
She had a point. Joyous would have checked Joshua about this shit. Joshua was bullying me. He had bamboozled me and I knew that Joyous would check him but where was Joyous? Where the fuck was my brother? I know that I can't go to Jamila. She was kissing Joshua's ass. I couldn't go to Keon. He was supposedly in love with Joshua. I can't go to my mother. She hated me. And now I can't go to Joyous because I had no idea where he was.
All of a sudden I realize I have no protection from Joshua's iron grip.
I feel my anger growing, "I will sue the FUCK out of everyone!"
Marcella smiles. You would think she learned the smile from Joshua himself. They were so smug. They thought because they were smart and had educations that they were better than the rest of us.
"You will lose," she states.
She tells it to me like it's a fact. She's telling it to me like she knows that is the case and I swear I think she's right. She knows I won't win. Joshua had an army of lawyers from his days back in contracting. There was no other way in hell I would have only gotten 5 years for killing my father if they weren't the best. They basically got me off murder even though I was clearly guilty.
I could never win.
I could never beat Joshua.
I run out of the club. I run out into the parking lot. Tears are streaming down my face. I fall to the ground because my own emotions have just slapped the fuck out of me.
I barely realize it when English picks me off the floor. I'm surprised when he wraps his arms around me. This was my dead ex-girlfriend's boyfriend and for some reason he found it in himself to not only follow me to the parking lot but give me a hug. It's a close hug. I'm crying on his chest. I've never felt so out of control in my life.
Joshua was doing the same thing he did to Jamila. He was taking control of my life and there was nothing that I could fucking do about it.
"It's OK man..." English whispers to me.
I don't know if it's his cool breath up against my cheek, or if it's his pretty eyes glaring into my soul or even if it's his muscular body retaining me in warmth at that moment. For a moment I am reminded of when I first met Keon. It freaks me THE FUCK out!
I push this motherfucker off me!
"Yo back the fuck up nigga. You don't know me!" I bark.
He puts his hands out, "Cool out."
"Back the fuck up," I respond to him, "Sean is mine. You hear me! I don't give a fuck about no club ownership. I don't give a fuck about no money. He's mine and you ain't going to keep him!"
"Yo what the fuck you talking about?"
I don't respond. I feel silly for storming off on English. I'm not mad at him even though it comes off that way because I was shouting. I'm scared of him. I'm scared of the fact that this man just walked into my life and literally handed me a reason for living only to snatch it back. I felt alone. It was me against everyone.
This wasn't English though.
This was Joshua.
He didn't want me to have my man. He didn't want me to have my son. He didn't want me to have ownership of the club. If I had nothing, then I'd need him. I'd be his little bitch. It's the same thing my father was doing to me.
But I wasn't going to let Joshua do me like that.
If he wanted to play hardball...the game was on.
I'm texting in my phone the following night when I keep getting texts from English. He hasn't stopped hitting me up. He's sending me all this information about Sean. He's telling me what my son likes. He's telling me what he enjoys. He's telling me what keeps Sean up at night. At first I think it's sweet but I also feel kind of sick that I need a stranger telling me about my own son. It's clear Sean looks at English as his dad. English sends a stream of photos of Sean but in every picture, English is there. He has this loving smile.
He is the perfect fucking father.
And all I feel is...jealousy. I look out of the window and don't see Joshua car. I know Graph has taken the kids to see Keon's aunt.
That meant only Keon and I were in this house...just as I planned.
I pick up my phone and call English.
"Stop fucking sending me those pics."
"Isn't that what you want? You wanted to be a part of Sean's life. I was just trying to catch you up man. I don't mean nothing by it."
He was all fucking nice. He was all sweet. Sean probably loved English. There was something so relaxing about his deep, masculine, protective tone. He had one of those voices you just believed you could trust. I fucking hated every minute of it.
"I wanted pics of my son...not my son with you nigga."
English laughs with his reply.
"You think something's fucking funny man?"
"You don't know me but for some reason you swear I'm trying to take your place or something. I'm not trying to take your place. If I was trying to take your place with Sean, then why would I need to go out of my way and track you down and let you know you had a son."
"You on Joshua's paystub ain't you?"
"Joshua found out I had a baby and he is using you. You in league with my brother."
"Yesterday was the first time I fucking met your brother."
"You calling me a liar?"
"Sure am. Man fuck you!"
I hang up.
I'm steaming. I'm pacing back and forth. Back and forth in the room. I'm beyond pissed... Two minutes later English calls back.
"I'm being patient but you acting like a little bitch right now," English tells me, "Now I'll respect you because you Sean's father, but you disrespect me again and we going to blows."
English threat to fight is taken loud and clear. I have to admit I wasn't expecting it. He seemed like one of those cool guys who you can't get mad and it makes you upset the more you try because they never react. He seemed too cool for a reaction. Well, English threatening me was definitely a reaction. I have to admit it turns me on.
My dick fucking jumps.
I'm shocked he has this side of him. I'm shocked he actually checks me.
"Man...you right," I finally admit realizing this guy wasn't a punk, "I'm not mad at you bro. I don't even know you to be mad at you. I'm just in a weird ass emotional space right now."
"Like your brother suggested?"
"Fuck what he suggested," I respond quickly shaking my head, "He's trying make it seem like I'm some cold blooded killer. It's deeper than that."
I'm sure he heard about the murder. Everyone close to my neighborhood heard about the murder. I was scared to go back home. I was scared to face the rest of my family. I was scared to face my mother, my uncle, my cousin and my old friends. They were going to judge me just like Joshua was.
"I'm not judging you," English states, "Trust me bro I got a past too."
He was perfect. This guy who seemed like he could walk in a room and everyone immediately like him. He just had that "easy" feel to him.
"Far from it," he tells me, "Maybe you can get to know me. Listen, how about this? Me, you and Sean can hang out together. Chill. Or whatever you're comfortable with. As often as you want until you work out whatever you got to work out with your brother."
"You'd do that."
"Yeah of course. I don't know you Jamison and I don't know your brother. But I think you two can work it out."
I grunt and tell him I have to get off the phone. No point in faking it. If he thought Joshua and I would ever get along then he definitely didn't know much about my family dynamic.
I get up off the bed. I head towards Joshua's room.
No answer. I hear water running. I head to the bathroom. I open the door and see Keon behind a smoky clear glass panel shower. You can see everything as slight steam builds up on the shower walls. Keon has his eyes closed and with the running water he doesn't see me standing there. One of his hands is pressed up against the glass panel.
Keon's ass is perky like he spends all day just doing squats. His muscular ass looks firm. He has a tight little waist. His skin is fucking shimmering Godiva.
The water drips down his perfect face, his abs, his chest and his long, thick dick. I stare at him and I swear I've missed touching him. I've missed pleasing him.
I undress, quickly and open the glass door.
"Baby?" he asks, "You back already."
His eyes are still closed when I sneak up behind him. I wrap my warms around his tiny little waist. I begin to grind my hips into his ass. I've missed him so fucking much. He tries to turn to me but I don't want to startle him...not just yet. I want him to know just how much he missed me. I want to show him. When he tries to turn around I grab his neck and kiss on the back of it. He's moaning. His dick is hardening. I grab it in my hands. I wonder if he knows it's me. Joshua and I are the same height. We are the same weight. We are the same skin tone.
So when I grab his dick I can feel him staring down at my hands. If he does know it's me he doesn't stop me. In fact, he allows me.
He moans deeper, "Damn baby..."
His voice is so deep. It's so sexy. It turns me on. I'm getting so hard that my precum mixes with the shower water. My dick is pressed up against Keon's hole. He's a top usually so I'm surprised when he bends over a little bit at that moment.
"You want to fuck me again baby?"
He's never asked me to fuck him! In all the years we were together he had been a full top. It's clear now he thinks I'm Joshua. I feel a little hurt at first. I want to push him. I want to start an argument. A part of me wants to reveal who I am but something stops me.
Maybe it's me being petty.
Maybe it's me being pissed.
Keon let Joshua FUCK HIM! He gave to Joshua what he NEVER gave to me. Really? REALLY!
"Hell yeah," I grunt.
I think I give myself away. I'm scared. My voice is a little higher than Joshua's. Normally he would notice but maybe the shower water muffles my sound or maybe he's turned on. Maybe it's something else. A part of me wants to think that deep inside he knows it's me behind him and not Joshua.
That's when he does it.
He leans up against the wall, presses his head up against the tiles, spread his muscular ass in a way that I swear I'd never seen him do in a million years. His perky tight, asshole whistles water bubbles at me.
Joshua wanted to mess with me?
I was going to fuck his boyfriend.
I put my dick in him. He squirms. He's so tight. SO TIGHT! I'd fucked boys before. So many boys. Literally Keon has to have the tightest ass I've ever felt. I find myself grabbing at the nearby soap and using suds to lubricate in any way possible. I squeeze my way into him. His body twitches, as I worm into him. He jerks slowly feeling my dick as it stretches his insides.
"Fuck baby...I love you so much baby..."
Before long I'm slapping into him. The wet, warmth, aggressive splashes of water intensify everything. His hands scale the walls. He pounds the wall.
I'm pounding him. I'm grunting, biting down on the back of his neck leaving deep hickies. His eyes remain closed to avoid the water. I'm pummeling into him and regardless of how tight he is; I realize that he takes every inch of it.
I hear the door opening.
I know who it is. I know Joshua has just got home. I could careless though.
"Fuck me. Yeah baby..." Keon is urging me.
Joshua is standing there shocked when it happens.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!" Joshua screams.
Keon is shocked he tries to pull away but he doesn't get far. Before he can pull away, I orgasm in his tight ass. It's hard not to. It's literally the best ass I've had in my life. I'm sending loads of hot warm cum deep into Keon's stomach as Joshua looks on.
To read the next chapter go to www.crushedcrown.com