Chapter 11

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ASHER'S POV

“Asher please. I'm here begging to make things right with you.”

Diamonte's face is stone. It's hard to look at him. He's standing in front of me and showing some sort of passion. I spent so long wanting him to show that kind of passion and now that he's showing it, it just seems too late.

I swallow my feelings and tell Diamonte, “It's too late. So unless you want to watch me get the soul sucked out of my dick, Diamonte...I'd suggest that you leave.”

Diamonte looks like he is about to cry when I say those words. Could I be imagining it? I had to be. This was Diamonte Rose. He wasn't going to cry over me. I was the one who was emotional. I was the one who had my feelings in this and because of that I had to be the one who was making up the fact that Diamonte actually cared about me.

I don't know what his motivation was for being at this car. Maybe he wanted to keep have his cake and eat it to. Maybe he just wanted to be friends and didn't want us ending on a bad note.

I couldn't be friends with Diamonte though. I couldn't watch him be engaged to someone else.

I was...in love with him...

Diamonte bites onto his lower lip in a way that drives me fucking crazy“I'm not going no where... and you care about me. You won't do it.”

A part of me wants to throw this guy out of my car and just pull Diamonte in my car and make sweet love to him. My finger is itching at the door but then I stop. If I do this there was no coming back from it. If I do this I'd be COMPLETELY gone with Diamonte. I'd be in love with him. The only reason that I feel like I wasn't in love with him yet was because we still held out from sex. The feelings I had were so strong and how could I know they were protected?

Diamonte wanted business. He didn't want love.

So I shake my head and look over at him, “Diamonte don't test me. You did this to us. I gave you my heart and you gave it to someone else. So now I don't have a heart left. I'm just like you. This is what you wanted. So go...go be with him.”

I'm telling him the truth.

“I'm not going anywhere.”

“Diamonte...if you don't LEAVE!”

“NO ASHER!”

I can't allow myself to be weak. Like Sebastian stated Diamonte was about his money. He'd do anything for his money. Sebastian stated I should be like Diamonte. I should be ambitious and put money in front of feelings.

I couldn't do that. Money didn't mean anything to me.

But pleasure. Pleasure would make me feel good...if only for the moment.

So I unbuckle my pants and the latino guy next to me starts sucking my dick. Almost immediately I feel the pull of his lips on my dick. He could care less that Diamonte is looking down at the car at me. Hell...maybe that turns him on even more.

I look at Diamonte.

Diamonte looks at me.

The Latino guy is sucking my dick. These moments were the most awkward moments in my life but I don't keep my eyes off Diamonte. I want to let him know how I felt that day that he played. I want to let him know how hard I was crushed after he broke my heart and agreed to marry Remus.

Diamonte turns and he runs away.

Almost immediately as he leaves I can feel tears running down my eyes.

“Yo---stop...stop...this isn't right,” I tell the guy.

The guy barely takes his mouth off of my dick at that moment, “Yo. Relax. I'll make you feel good.”

“Bruh---I don't want to feel good right now,” I tell him, “I'm can't even get hard.”

The guy twirls his mouth around my dick. He is deep throating a limp ass dick right now. He is playing with the head, cupping my balls. He's even playing with my nipples. I roll my eyes annoyed that this man isn't getting the clue and I'm seconds away from just pushing him the fuck off of me. It's kind of rude to push someone away whose giving you head though but this guy isn't getting the clue. He can't turn me on. I don't want him.

I want Diamonte.

“I don't mind you not being hard,” he tells me.

“Yo---how desperate can you be right now?” I ask him, “I'm not hard. I'm not trying to do this.”

“Over that guy?”

“Yeah...over that guy. I just broke someone's fucking heart. I don't want to feel good right now. I got to go get my man.”

I can't believe I just called Diamonte “my man”. I'm claiming him and for that moment I feel like I sound so fucking stupid. How the fuck is Diamonte my man when he is engaged to someone else. Even though I sound stupid I don't care. I feel like Diamonte is my man. He's the only one I want. I felt like getting even with him would make things alright but I don't feel better.

I feel worse having broken his heart then when he broke mine.

“Your man?” the Latino guy asks, “Did he know he was your man when he was holding hands with that other guy at the party?”

He has a point and I fucking hate it.

I shake my head. I'm already confused and the last thing I need is some hoe trying to make me feel worse about my decision to chase after Diamonte. Every second I don't chase after him was a second that he was away and feeling bad. I can almost hear the ticking of the seconds pass away. Every part of my body is telling me to get out of this car and go find Diamonte while I still had the chance or else I'd regret it until the day that I died.

“You don't get it,” I explain to him, “Sometimes love isn't easy. Sometimes it's hard as hell. You have to put in extra for someone who is worth it. The good ones aren't easy to get. You have to put down your walls and say 'Ok...I'm going to go for this guy'. You have to believe that this thing is the most valuable thing you can have and once you set your mind to it. You achieve it. You get that man and you cherish that man.”

I don't even know where these words are coming from. It doesn't sound like me. I never thought of love like this. All I cared about was pleasure. Getting my dick sucked was enough affection I usually needed and maybe hitting it doggy style once in a while.

This emotion thing was different.

It was new.

“Man...that motherfucker ain't even that cute.”

“YO---let me get out of this car before I beat your fucking ass,” I warn him taking a few deep breaths.

The nerve of this fucking plastic looking face bitch talking about Diamonte. Diamonte was sexy as fuck. And the feelings that I had for him just made it all the more worth it. I was going to go after him. I pull up my pants and as I do I hear a knock on the glass.

I turn at that moment hoping it's Diamonte. It's not.

It's Remus.

What the fuck?

“Where is here?” Remus states when I open the car door.

He looks in the car and sees me sitting there with the stupid Latino Thot that won't get a clue. Remus stares at me suspiciously searching the car as though me, Diamonte and the Latino are having a threesome in this small ass car or something.

“I'm going to figure it out,” I state.

“He's never going to love you, you do realize that right?” Remus explains, “You can't afford him. Escorts don't make nearly enough to support someone like him.”

“I will have Diamonte,” I explain to Remus, “It's not a matter of if. It's just a matter of when. And I plan on going after him right now.”

Remus laughs. He thinks I'm a joke.

“How about this. You're a whore. You know it. I know it. Most of all...Diamonte knows it. You will always be a whore bottom of the barrel, dick-for-sale, muscle head loser. You were born with nothing and you'll die...with nothing. That's what happens with people like you. Diamonte and me...we are winners. And it's ok. There has to be winners and losers.”

I get up at that moment. We are right outside the car.

“I should beat your fucking ass right now.”

“But you won't,” he laughs, “Because I'd sue you for the pennies that you have left to your name. You know what you can do for me though? Diamonte's been denying me sex. How about you get on your knees and suck this dick.”

“What?”

“Get on your knees and suck this dick...bitch. I'll give you a nice tip for it. You might make enough to take Diamonte out for lunch if you do it well. You got to make sure I nut though,” Remus laughs.

I ball my fists up.

It's taking everything for me not to swing on this dude. It's taking everything for me not to beat his ass until I can't beat his ass anymore. I want to kill him right now. I never felt this before.

But then for a minute I realize what's important.

And it's not Remus.

“Excuse me while I go win back your fiance,” I tell Remus.

“That's not going to happen,” Remus replies laughing at me, “You might as well just get this little money. That's what you're good at.”

“I'll do it!” I hear the Latino call out for the car.

I look at Remus.

“Have at it. I only have one man on my mind.”

Remus laughs at me assuming I'm some sort of pushover. He probably thinks me saying I'm going after Diamonte means nothing. He's not even worried enough to try and stop me. Instead he hops into the car with the Latino guy, leans Sebastian's broken chair back and starts to get head.

I walk away at that moment. I could care less about them.

They could have at it.

I had a man that I needed to be with.

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DIAMONTE'S VIEW
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The cops come and arrest Sebastian and Ox shortly after.

I want to stick around but I can't. I tell the cops what happened and I leave. I need to go home. A part of me can't deal with waiting until the cops stick around for God knows what is left of Asher. Neverland is at my house being a good assistant running around and making sure that she refilled my tissues.

She stands at the edge of my bed, “Sir. The police called. Two bodies were found in Sebastian's car. They haven't been able to properly say if it is for sure Asher or not but they assume it is.”

Asher was in the car having sex when I left him. He was having sex with that guy at the party. I had no doubt that it is Asher. I can't believe Sebastian was fucked up enough to set up his best friend like that. Sebastian probably went out of his way to introduce Asher to the boy. He probably went out of his way to offer his car to Asher. Sebastian was a fucking snake.

“Were charges pressed against Sebastian and Ox?”

“I spoke with the prosecutor. They have a strong case against the both of them. There is no need to worry about that.”

I shake my head. Neverland is trying to be calm about this situation but truth was I couldn't take this. Back at the party they literally had to pull me off of Sebastian before the cops came to take me away. All of my counterparts were at that party. Ja'Kar recorded me going nuts and scratching at Sebastian's face.

Within an hour it was all over World Star Hip Hop, Media Take Out, Instagram and Snapchat. I had lost it in public unlike no other. I'd never acted out of character like that and right now the only regret I had was that I hadn't gone further. I should have really hurt Sebastian for what he did to Asher.

“I need you to cancel the fashion show,” I state.

My tears won't dry. I know it looks weak but for the first time in my life I don't care about work. I don't care about anything other than Asher. I ran away from the scene at home in such a rush. I didn't know how to take it.

“Sir...it's next week.”

“Cancel it.”

I'd embarrassed myself in front of the fashion community. No one would take my clothing seriously.

Neverland is hesitating, “Sir with all due respect you designed the entire line. All of your work would go to waste. Not to mention the Prima Rose dress. You have to showcase it.”

I roll my eyes, “Postpone it.”

“Sir...”

“Listen do you want to keep your job?” I ask her, “Do you want a way to keep paying for your low protein diet and your European shoe collection?”

“Of course.”

“Then do what I say. Cancel the goddam show and leave!”

I throw myself on the bed and hear the clacks of heels. I hear the door slam.

For a moment I think that Neverland is gone but I realize she just went to the door to close it shut. She is still in the room. She's standing tall and crossing her arms by the door.

“When I first started at B&R someone told me a story,” Neverland tells me, “They told me about Diamonte Rose. Rumor had it that you paid prostitutes to sleep with the boyfriends of all your models. You had them record it and post it all over social media tagging the models in your shows to make sure that they knew they'd been cheated on. Then you had those prostitutes sit in the front row at all of your fashion shows. Back then...I didn't get it. I thought this Diamonte Rose guy is crazy as fuck. Who would be so spiteful and evil to do something like that?”

I shake my head, “Don't listen to all the rumors.”

“They aren't rumors. They are true,” Neverland tells me crossing her arms, “You know it and I know it. You did it so that the models were FIERCE when they walked down that runway. Didn't you?”

Walk as though your enemy is staring at you.

I wanted to make sure that my models knew exactly who their enemies were and I made sure that their enemies were front row at the fashion shows. There was no woman fiercer than a woman who had something to prove.

“There are more important things than success,” I tell Neverland changing the subject.

Neverland shakes her head, “Love is an antiquated idea. Working with you I realized that first hand. I watched the man that I was interested in seduce you every single day at work. You know what I did? I sucked that shit up. I put on a smile. I put on some heels. I came to work and I did my motherfucking job. Because at the end of the fucking day, guess what?”

“What?”

“Fashion is much better than love,” Neverland explains to me, “Sure it's expensive but it changes and buy next season you are ready to buy your next purchase. You can't buy love, but you will spend the rest of your life paying for it.”

With that Neverland leaves out of the door.

I turn at that moment in the darkness.

Was I paying for love now?

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The next day I arrive at work. I can see the look on people's faces when I walk into the B&R building. They've seen the video. It's gone viral. They are judging me. Their faces are singing with all types of crazy looks. I don't know what's come over me. Remus is around surprisingly but the other designers are.

That's when it happens. They start surrounding me with questions and concerns about the upcoming show almost immediately. No one said anything about Asher. In this world that was already old news to them. They could care less that I just lost the love of my life. The rumors were floating around about Asher's disappearance and his car exploding. Everyone knew Sebastian and Ox were arrested.

But this was the Fashion world.

And in the Fashion world, seasons changed.

“I knew you'd make the right choice,” Neverland states, “We have the models chosen, all between 5'11 and 6'2”. I've already instructed them that they need to start fasting. I've given each of them laxatives but the girls in the closing and opening looks are restricted from intaking more than 120 calories a day even if they do throw it up the rest.”

I shoo Neverland away.

Neverland has the models lined up in front of me in the dressing room area. The racks of clothing is in the back area.

“Sir...we were wondering if Allison should be allowed to walk being that her husband had something to do with the attack. We think it'll look bad for press. Should we black ball her?” one of the designers asks me.

I ignore him and keep walking.

Neverland hands me a paper, “Alessa Bautista is at the door complaining about one thing or another. I'm not too sure what she wants. Should I send her away?”

Alessa?

Another designer walks over, “What color shoes? Gold or Red?”

“Who are we hiring to do hair?” a stylist asks me, “Varney Simpson is SO last season. I'm thinking someone hotter. I know the designer who did Rihanna's hair for the Vogue cover.”

“What color shoes? Silver or blue?”

“Alessa Bautista is buzzing. Should I have security remove her?”

“What color shoes? White or this beige color...oh god...nevermind this beige color will NOT go.”

“Maybe instead of having the models eat 120 calories a day we bring it down to 80. We don't want Hippos on the runway.”

They are all coming at me. A million questions an hour. Work. For the first time in my life I'm realizing that this is what I dealt with on a daily basis. I'm standing here in front of this room and I realize that I'm surrounded by strangers. All these people knew me as Diamonte Rose---the designer. For them I was nothing but an image behind beautiful clothing.

None of these people took the time to ask me how my day was or get to know me. None of these people cared enough to stare in my eyes or hold me all night long.

None of these people loved me.

Only Asher.

“Sir are you ok?” Neverland asks, “Do you need anything? Some coffee? Some Adderoll? Some Cocaine?”

I am standing in this room and all of these people are staring at me. They are expecting me to pick up the slack. They are expecting me to be Diamonte Rose the Designer but right now I felt like just being Diamonte.

I shake my head at Neverland, “No.”

“No cocaine?” Neverland asks, “So you're fine then. Great. Moving onto the next matter at hand. The Prima Rose. If Allison isn't going to wear it then who? Christine has been looking really good but her nipples are a little large. Natalie's right eyebrow has been a little too arched. Mary Ann's cupid's bow was destroyed by surgery. Maybe we can get one of Kardashian girls. Oh god. He's quiet. Diamonte doesn't like those ideas. Oh god. Bring the Prima Rose. YOU---GIRL, bring the Prima Rose. Diamonte needs inspiration goddam it. Now. Look at that beauty Diamonte. What do you think? Who should wear it?”

The dress is brought to me.

They are all looking at me. As usual they are staring at me trying to read my face. The room is quiet. They all know my facial expressions so well. They know what a grimace means. They know what a nod means. They know what an unsure purse of the lips means.

What they don't know is this look I have on my face right now.

I am completely uninterested.

“Let me see,” I state.

The men hand me the gown. I look it up and down.

And then I go the fuck off.

“Oh...my...GOD!”

I'm ripping the gown at the seams with my bare hands in front of all of those people. I tear the dress into little small pieces. I grab some scissors from the table, lay on the floor and start to rip at it like an insane toddler with a desire to destroy. They are all looking at me as though I've completely lost my mind.

Maybe they are right.

Neverland has collapsed to her knees. There are a few designers, assistants, stylists and models have have completely just broken out into tears. I'm talking slow, wailing tears. One stylists even rocks back and forth as another model walks up to him to comfort him. Neverland stretches her hands out at the torn pieces of garment unable to stop me but desperately hoping that this is all just a dream.

“Not the Prima Rose,” someone says.

A few of them cross themselves and some hand holding occurs. I swear they start praying at that moment. The destruction of clothing has brought these people to religion.

You would have thought someone had died.

The thing was someone did die.

Asher died.

And instead of these people crying for Asher like this they were crying because I was destroying this fucking dress.

“It's gone. It's really gone. Rest in Peace...Prima Rose. This is a tragedy. This is...this is murder,” Neverland explains watching me, “I can never forgive you. I CAN NEVER FORGIVE YOU! I can't work here anymore!”

Neverland goes crazy at that moment storming out and throwing her phone with my schedule on the wall.

And that's when I feel someone coming up behind me out of no where. They are trying to restrain me and calm me down.

“GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME! HE'S DEAD! HE'S DEAD!”

“It's ok. I'm sorry he's dead.”

Just at that moment I hear the voice.

I turn and realize who is holding me. For a moment I think I've lost it. I think in my madness I've not only destroyed the Prima Rose but I've also begun imagining things. I feel like I'm imaigning Asher holding me right now in his arms.

I feel like I'm imagining him pressing his arms against me, leaning me in and attempting to comfort me.

I look up at him.

He smells like Asher. He strokes my head. He looks me in my eyes and makes me honestly believe it is him.

“Ash—Asher?” I ask.

“It's me. I heard about what happened to Remus. I just came back from the police station and they let me know what Sebastian was planning. I had no idea.”

“Remus?”

“Yeah...” Asher explains, “I know you two were close. I know you two were a couple and as much as I didn't like that shit I refuse to let you mourn alone.”

“Remus is dead?”

Asher nods, “Uh...the car explosion. He died in there.”

I shake my head, “Ain't no body mourning for that motherfucker. I thought you were dead..”

Asher raises an eyebrow, laughs and looks at the ground, “Please tell me you didn't just destroy the most important look of a century because you thought I was dead?”

I turn at that moment looking at the scraps of fabric I just destroyed.

Oh fuck.

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