Date: Sun, 2 Mar 2014 05:37:30 -0800 (PST)
From: James Stephens <btmbuck4blkbear@yahoo.com>
Subject: Leo and James - Chapter 21

Chapter 21 -- The Final Day

I'm going to make the final day of Leo and I as short as possible because
it still hurts to think about it. We were starting a new life of healthy
eating and living. I fixed him breakfast every morning -- our relationship
was much less sexual and more loving as we were becoming much more of a
couple. I was no longer sleeping around nor did we party. This went on
several years.

But one day his place of work called saying Leo was short of breath and
collapsed in the hospital. They could not give me any other details because
I was not a "relative."  I rushed to the hospital and was told he was taken
to ER -- no other information was provided but by the looks on the faces of
his co-workers I knew it was not good. I asked to see Leo but was, again
turned away. I was frantic and rushed past the nurse, looking behind the
curtains for Leo until a security guard came and restrained me. A priest
took control of the situation and brought a nurse to take me to Leo. When
the curtain was pulled back I saw Leo laying on the table, his eyes
open. He was dead. The next few moments are mostly lost to me. I remember
crying loudly, hugging Leo while everyone disappeared. I was beside myself
-- such a good man he was -- to me and everyone else. The next hours are a
blur spent telling his family, friends and neighbors who were all in
disbelief and extreme sorrow. His closest relative to us, a niece, did not
believe me. She wanted to see for herself. When she arrived the pulled Leo
of of a metal drawer, still wearing the clothes he had when he left that
day. She lost it. The hysterical crying filled the cold room.

The next few days were spent with grief and fighting reality. The first
night without Leo I awoke in a panic. I felt someone at the foot of the bed
and woke up to see a shadowy figure, more like snow on a TV, standing. I
rubbed my eyes, not believing what I saw, and it disappeared. To this day I
still wonder if what I saw was a mental creation out of extreme grief or
reality.

Eventually Leo's friends and relatives that filled the house disappeared.
Our mutual friends were there to comfort me but the only was I was able to
cope was through drugs and alcohol. I sunk deep into depression. I realized
Leo was my life and without him I had a void. Then there came a year of
drunken moments, losing my job and the respect of family and friends. I
sunk to a new low and lost my apartment. I was in the streets.

One evening I managed to get myself together enough to go to a bar where I
could talk to someone -- which is what I thought needed to survive. I was
very fortunate that night to meet Jose, the bouncer who took a liking to me
despite my introversion, unkempt look and boorish behavior.