Date: Fri, 25 Jul 2003 18:33:17 EDT
From: JuilianJ@aol.com
Subject: storyofus part 27

THE STORY OF US
BY: Julien

This story is 100% fictional and is by no means depictive of the life of
any person, place or thing.  It contains sexual activities between males
and should only be read if it is legal to do so in your area.  Read at your
own risk and enjoy.  Comments are welcomed and would be very much
appreciated.  ENJOY!

I would like to thank my editor Frank for doing such a great job on editing
- thanks a lot man...


RICHIE


As we stood outside the newsroom floor, just out of sight, I couldn't help
but feel less than prepared.  We had gone over what he was going to say to
the press at least a dozen times, but that didn't stop me from worrying.
Far from it. If anything, it only managed to increase the anxiety that I
felt.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to look at its owner.

"You ok, Richie?"  asked Laurence, a worried expression plastered on his
face.  His expression could only parallel that of mine as I nodded and
exhaled a breath that I had been holding in.

"Yeah, I guess.  Now or never, right?"  I managed to get out.

"Yeah, now or never.  By the way, have you seen Bobby?  He's supposed to be
out here by now.  We go in ten."  With that he began looking around.

It had been at least five minutes since he had left my side to go to the
bathroom, and he had yet to return.  His absence had only managed to
increase the anxiety that I felt, and feed my already paranoid delusions.
I began to wonder if he was hurt in some way, maybe someone had found out
the news before the rest of the world, someone that was furious that he was
gay.  Or maybe he had changed his mine after all, maybe he had pulled
another stunt like Honduras, and had flown out somewhere, unbeknownst to
all of us.  Maybe he...

'Stop that, Richie,' I scolded myself, realizing that all of this nonsense
was not helping the situation.  None of that crap had happened or would
happen.  Everything was on schedule, and everything would go smoothly.

"There he is," said Laurence taking attention away from my thoughts and
back to the present.  I turned around and saw Bobby walking towards us,
hands in the pockets of his suit pants and a look of complacency on his
face.  He seemed to be handling this way better than either Laurence or I.

"You ready, man?"  asked Laurence, crunching the bones in his knuckles,
causing them to make an awful cracking sound.

"Yeah, as ready as I'll ever be.  I just want to get this shit over with,"
Bobby replied, running a hand over his face.  If he was in any way nervous
or unsure, it wasn't obvious, and for that, I was grateful.  This show only
needed one nutcase, and the position was already filled.  He turned to me
and smiled.  It made my heart flutter and I reached up and gently ran a
hand over his face.

"God, I'm glad you're here, Baby," he whispered, reaching up and cupping my
hand in his.  I felt his body heat against mine, and at that moment, I
would have done anything to ensure that everything went smoothly.

"Me too.  You'll be ok, Bobby.  I won't let anything happen to you," I
stated as assertively as I could.  He needed me to be the strong one now,
more than ever, and I refused to let him down.

"I know, and I love you for it, Richie.  I want you to know that no matter
what goes down out there, I love you for all the support you've given me."

I felt those words deep in my soul.  If we were alone, I would have let him
know just how much I appreciated him for loving me.

"Ok guys, its show time and, Bobby, let us handle this, ok?"  said
Laurence, breaking the serenity of the moment.

"Ok," replied Bobby, taking my hand in his and kissing it just as the door
to the press room opened and we all began to file in.




BOBBY

My throat felt dry as I listened to Laurence list off my musical
achievements over the years.  We had planned this little intro as a way to
reaffirm to the crowd that I had done a lot for my fans, and that nothing
about me would be changing, nothing except who I fucked, something of
course they hadn't been told - as yet.

"...and of course we can't forget the two GRAMMYs that Bobby took home last
year for best R&B Male Vocalist, as well as best Collaborative R&B song.
He's been on both the R&B, as well as pop charts, since last year March,
and has sold out more stadiums this year than even I can keep track of.
He's done a lot for, and is dedicated to, his fans.  This is why we have
decided to come to the fans, first and foremost, with this announcement.  I
will now turn the floor over to Bobby, himself."

As Laurence ended his speech, mine began.  It was as if I were running on
automatic, a mechanical phase.  I recited, word for word, what Richie had
come up with, and tried my best not to lose it.

"...I feel as if you guys are my family, my heart.  You've done so much for
me throughout my entire career, and I've appreciated it from the very
beginning.  Although we've sometimes been at odds with each other, we've
always managed to mend things.  With that said, I hope I can say what I
came here to say, and leave here satisfied that I've made the right
decision."  I took a deep breath, it was now or never.

"A few months back, I was reintroduced to someone who had been an integral
part of my life and my career, he helped me get through a few tough times
in my life, and for that I appreciated him for being my friend.  I
appreciate him more for sitting by my side as I announce to you the media,
my fans, friends and family of my decision to come out and say that I'm in
a relationship with another man, and that....that I am formally retiring
from the music industry."

I let out a much needed sigh of relief and tried my best to calm the heavy
beating of my heart.  I had done what I had set out to do, and there was no
going back.  The audible gasps and chatter that filled the room was not a
surprise to me, but the gasps coming from my very own table put me on edge,
and I knew I was partially to blame.  They had all been expecting me to
announce my relationship with Richie, and that was to be the end of it, but
now I had gone and dropped another bombshell, my retirement from music, an
unexpected decision on my part.

As cameras flashed, and reporters began simultaneously asking questions,
Richie leaned into me and whispered, "What the hell are you doing?  We
never discussed this Bobby."  I could hear the panic in his voice, and
regretted not telling him about my last minute decision beforehand.

"Calm down, Richie, please.  I've thought about this, and it's something I
need to do.  Please, try to understand..."

I didn't have the opportunity to finish my statement as the questions
intensified.

"Mr. Knight, how long has this relationship been going on?"

"Mr. Knight, does your decision to retire have anything to do with your
coming out of the closet."

"Mr. Knight, have you always been homosexual?  If so, are your songs
focused towards males rather than females?"

"Mr. Knight, do you consider yourself anything less than a role model now?"

"Mr. Knight, Mr. Knight, Mr. Knight...."

The questions kept coming, and I found myself unable to focus on any one in
particular.  Luckily for me, Richie was by my side to take the reigns and
run the show.

"One question at a time please.  Yes, you in the blue suit." Richie
announced, showing an air of authority that I was not used to seeing.

"Thank you.  Does the timing for Mr. Knight's coming out in any way reflect
his decision to retire?"  the reporter questioned.

I looked at Richie for the familiar head movement that would signal the ok
to answer, and when he did it, I spoke, "I am not retiring because I am
gay.  I'm retiring because I've reached my peak, I'm at the top of my game,
and I've achieved everything that I set out to achieve.  I hope that
answers your question."

"Ok, next question please.  Yes, miss, with the blue hat."  Richie pointed
out.

"Thanks. Mr. Knight, do you feel that in some way that you have mislead
your fans, waiting to drop this bombshell at the end of a very successful
career?"

I didn't even wait for Richie to give the ok on this one, I just went with
the flow,

"Mislead them how?  I've always been about my fans, from the very
beginning.  The music had always been about them.  What I do in the privacy
of my home really should not have any bearing on what I sing.  I only just
discovered this aspect of my life, so it was not as if I have been
knowingly holding this in, I haven't.  If the fans feel betrayed, I am
sorry for that, but that is not my fault.  I can't live my life according
to everyone else."

I looked around for a reaction, but all that greeted me was the continuing
barrage of questions, some that I'd rather not have to deal with.  It was
mostly the sleazy tabloids that asked the most lewd ones.  One asshole even
had the nerve to ask if I've stayed in the business just to attract young
boys.  I almost tore from my seat and charged him, but held back when I
felt Laurence's hand on my knee, and looked over to see Richie giving me a
pleading look that screamed, 'calm down, Bobby, now isn't the time nor the
place.  Calm down'.  It was reassuring having him there, and even though he
was taking a fair amount of inappropriate questioning himself, he surprised
me through it all by staying strong.

Later, as Laurence wrapped up the press conference with a call for respect
and privacy in my affairs, I asked Richie the question that had been
burning me since I took a stand.

"Are you mad about me not telling you about my retiring?"

I tried to gauge his answer by the reaction on his face, but only received
a neutral expression.  He didn't answer right away either, and that only
managed to heighten my anxiety even more.  Finally, after a minute or two
had passed, he took both my hands in his and pulled me into an embrace.

"Of course I'm mad.  You didn't even give me the opportunity to talk you
out of it."  He stated, a smile slowly gracing his face.  A smile that had
my heart beating a mile a minute.

"But seriously though, I'm surprised that you did that Bobby, I really am.
And somehow...I feel as if it was a decision made in haste, as if you just
couldn't be bothered anymore.  That's not like you."

Of course, I could understand why he would feel that way.  Music had been
my life for as long as I could remember, and the fact that I had just
willingly given all of that up, without much of a fight, was out of
character for me.  But what I had gained, what I had earned, was so much
more important than any career.  I wish I had some way to make him
understand all of that.

"But I trust your judgment, Bobby, I trust you.  And I'll stand beside
whatever decision you make."  It was reassuring to hear him say that, so
damn reassuring.

"I can't believe I did it though, it's just so un-fucking-believable, I
just...I can't even find the words to comprehend how I'm feeling right now.
All I know for sure is, that I couldn't have done it on my own, there was
just no fucking way I could have made it this far without you, Richie.  I
need you to know that."

I could see that his eyes were beginning to mist a little, and I had to use
my fingers to wipe away any moisture that began to form there.  I couldn't
deal with him crying, not right now when I was in a state of fragility
myself.  It just would have been too much.

And, as if reading my mind, he whispered, "I can't help it.  It has been so
much to swallow over the last couple of days.  I can't believe this is
happening so fast."

If only he knew he wasn't the only one in disbelief.  I leaned in and
kissed his lips gently, trying to keep things serene at a time when
everything else was so chaotic.  His taste reminded me of honey for some
reason and I drew up a mental image of me and him drenched in it.  All that
managed to do was give me a budding erection, which I didn't try to hide
from him.

"You sure you want to start something you can't finish?" he whispered,
pulling away from me.  I looked at him and saw the longing that was evident
in his gaze.  He wanted this as much as I did.  Looking at the door, I saw
that Laurence was still busy with the press, and the rest of our entourage
clung avidly to his side, leaving us unattended to, something that, for the
moment, was so damn appealing.  I walked over to the door and gently closed
it, putting the double lock in place.  I pulled down the blinds over it and
walked back over to him, my mind not grasping the concept of anything else
except the two of us, here in this room, needing and wanting one another.

Richie looked down on his watch and back at me asking, "how long do think
we have?"

I pulled him into me and nuzzled the side of his neck, barely managing to
get out, "as long as it takes," before I felt myself going under his spell.





MICHAEL

What the fuck was happening here, and more importantly, what the fuck was
happening to me?  I've never in my life felt this feeling before, and I
hated the fact that this shit was unwittingly, and unabashedly, clinging to
me like a stick of chewed gum on the bottom of a shoe.  I liked my life the
way it was, I really did.  So uncomplicated, unrestricted, so...me.  And
now this shit has to come and complicate matters, leaving me feeling
like...this.  That's all I can say to describe this feeling...this cause,
that's what it was.

Adam did something to me last night, it could have been something he had
been doing to me since we first met, but all I knew was, that along the
way, I had fallen and hit my fucking head on a pavement somewhere, for a
fleeting thought always seemed to enter my mind whenever we were together,
and it was this - 'I'm falling for this guy'.  Imagine, me, a self
proclaimed man of many men, actually entertaining the idea of sticking it
out with just one guy.  The thought alone had me wanting to run to the
bathroom and throw up, and all I could think was that this could not be
happening to me.  To some else maybe, but not to me.  Not to me.

I rolled out of bed trying my hardest not to wake him, but only succeeded
in making my quick getaway obvious.  He turned unto his back and avoided
looking at me.

"You're leaving."  The way he said it made it seem like more of a statement
than a question, and all I could do was mutter some pathetic excuse, to
which he gave no reply.  It was on my way out of his villa, that I finally
realized that I had no way to get home.

"Shit," I cursed, resisting the urge to take my frustrations out on my
already injured car.  It wasn't the cars' fault that my life was going to
shit, right before my eyes.

I made a beeline for his front door, hoping to get in, call a cab, and wait
outside for it before he could get out of bed, but was to be disappointed,
as he stood shirtless in the kitchen trying absentmindedly to assemble the
coffee machine.  As soon as he noticed me, he stopped what he was doing and
turned to look out the French windows.

"Nice view, I bet."  I said trying to somehow relieve the tension that
permeated the room.

He laughed a dry laugh and countered my comment with, "for the price I paid
it better be."

I chuckled, and somehow that managed to clear the air to the point where he
turned and looked at me.

"So...should I call you a cab, or can you bear my company for a little
while longer while I fix your car?"

Whether that was a backhanded comment meant to sting, or it happened to
just turn out that way, was a mystery to me.  While I knew that it was in
my best interest to just call a cab, and get the hell out of there,
something made me stay and take up his offer.

"If it's not too much trouble," I said, trying to avoid meeting the look
that crossed his face.  If truth be told, it was a difficult feat.  His
face seemed to light up at the prospect of me staying a little while longer
and even if I didn't admit it aloud, the prospect was one that I wasn't
100% against.

"Ok.  Good.  Just gimme a few minutes to get some coffee in my system and
maybe a donut unless you need to leave now..."

"No, I've got time.  Get some food in your system first..." I let my word
trail off as I watched him nod and walk away from me towards the pantry.  I
tried my best not to watch him as intently as I was, but it was to no
avail.  He had just that effect on me.  I couldn't explain it, nor could I
understand it, but I knew for a fact, it was there.  Against my better
judgment, I silently walked up to him and encircled his waist.  He
attempted to twist away, but I wouldn't let him.  This moment was just too
perfect.

"Come on, Michael.  Don't do this, please.  I can't handle this, not right
now, not today," he pleaded, sounding like a wounded animal.  I was almost
tempted to release him and neglect what I was feeling below my belt, and
somewhere deep, deep, deep, deep down in my soul, but I found myself unable
to do so.  I couldn't let this opportunity pass me by.

"Shh..." I urged, gently planting kisses on the back of his neck.  "Just
this once, please.  I promise if you give me this moment, I'll..." I let my
words trail off into oblivion, but he wasn't going to let me slide on this
one, not when so much was at stake.

"You'll what?"  he questioned, making an effort to pry my arms from around
his waist.

"Come on, Adam, don't do this, not now."  Now, I was the one that was
pleading.  I was like a man dying of thirst, and Adam was my drink of
water.

"No, Michael.  I'm not going to let you fuck me again without a good
reason.  Now tell me what you'll do if I let you."

I flinched at the way he said fuck for it was harsh and somewhat painful to
hear, and I swore to myself that I would never let that word touch my lips
in reference to what Adam and I did in the privacy of a bedroom, if we ever
were to get that far again.

"Why can't we just enjoy the moment?"  I pleaded once more, holding onto
him.

He pulled my hands away from his waist and turned around to face me, eyes
glaring and it forced me to take a step back.

"Because I'm sick and tired of always enjoying the moment with you.  I hate
this back and forth business between us, and every time I promise myself I
won't allow it to continue, I always do, and then I end up hating myself
for it.  I can't do this anymore, Michael, and it's unfair of you to expect
open access to me anytime you damn well feel like it."

  He said it all in one breath, and all it managed to do was leave him with
a look of frustration on his face, and me feeling like the scum of the
earth.

I cleared my throat and spoke words I thought I would never say to another
soul.  "You're right, I have been taking advantage of you, and it's wrong,
and I'm sorry.  I never meant to do that, Adam.  No matter what, know that
I never ever meant for you to get hurt in all of this.  I.... I...you know
what, I was wrong."

"No, say what you were going to say.  Please, for once in your life, be
honest with me.  Is that too much to ask?" he said, the look in his eye
softening.  And it was the moment of do or die for me.  I could either have
just walked out, and tried to go on living my life like I had been doing,
or I could have stood up and come clean with him about everything.

I tried to take the coward's way out yet again, "I can't..." I started, and
stopped just as he leaned into me and kissed me hard on the lips.

All that I was going to say evaporated into thin air as I reached for his
waist only to be rebuffed.  He pulled away from me and crossed his arms
across his chest.

"No more.  This is it, Michael.  I'm done.  I won't do this anymore with
you.  You can step up or step out, there is no in between.  We can't just
be friends, ok.  It's all, or nothing."

He waited for my response, and upon receiving silence, he sighed and pushed
pass me.

"I'll call you a cab," he said, walking into his room and closing the door.

"Fuck!"  I exclaimed, more out of frustration than anger at being unable to
say what I knew I had it in me to say.  It was just a few words, big
fucking deal, but to Adam, it would have made all the difference.

He walked out again breaking me out of thought.

"Five minutes," he said, not looking at me, instead choosing to go about
his daily business as if I weren't there.  All I could think was, 'it
wasn't fair'.  How could he make me choose between my freedom and him -
shit like that was just unconstitutional.

"Adam..." I started, and stopped as I heard the cab pull up outside and a
horn blow twice.

"Go, Michael, just go," was all he whispered to me, avoiding all possible
eye contact.

"Fine," I said, and walked out not gracing him with even a 'good bye'.  On
reaching the door of cab, I opened it and took a back seat.

"Where to?"  The driver asked, staring gruffly at me through the rear view
mirror.  I was about to state my home address when my cell phone rang.

"Hold on...  Hello?"

"Michael, it's Richie."

"Hey, Richie, what's up?  Haven't heard from you in a while.  Where you
been hiding, or should the question be who have you been hiding under."

He snickered, "Funny Michael, very funny.  Anyway I just wanted to call to
say thanks."

"For what?"  I asked quizzically.

"For everything.  For being there when I was too chicken shit to tell Bobby
how I felt, and for being honest with me about... about me.  It means a lot
to me," he whispered on that last count, and I could almost picture him,
eyes moist.

"It's ok, Richie, I was glad to help and all, but I got a question for you,
why all the sudden burst of gratitude?"

"You mean you haven't heard?"  he asked incredulously.

"Heard what?"

"Bobby came out, I mean we both did in a way, to the media, and to his fans
and to his family."

I almost dropped the phone at his announcement.

"You're fucking kidding me.  When?"

"Today.  We just decided it was time to stop all this running around.  I
mean, this is going to be a permanent arrangement.  Why should we have to
be hiding our relationship from everyone else.  We're not kids, and we're
not doing anything illegal.  Know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I do.  Congrats then, maybe we can celebrate when you make time to
come see me down here."

"Will do, Michael.  I got to go, but I just wanted to let you know I
appreciate everything you've done for me, for us."

"No problem, Richie.  I love you and take care, ok."

"Ditto, Bye."  He hung up, leaving me with my mouth ajar and the cabbie
staring at me.

"Hey, buddy, are we gonna just sit here or are we gonna move?"  he asked
sarcastically.

I jumped out of thought, and was about to give him my address, when
something caught my eye.  I looked out the cab window and saw Adam staring
in my general direction through the French windows.  And even from a
distance, I could plainly see the expression etched across his face.  It
told of all he had been through with me, all the frustration, the passion,
the heartache and the confusion.  It pained me to acknowledge that I had
toyed with his emotions one too many times.  And here I was preparing to
leave him hanging and do it again.

"Buddy, time's a going.  You wanna stay or go."

And in an instant, I made a decision.

I jumped out of the cab, and apologized for the hold up, gave him a five
for his time, and watched as he drove away.  When he was out of sight, I
turned around, and with my head held high, I walked back towards Adam's
villa.  I watched as he left the window and walked away from view.  When I
reached his door, I knocked and waited.

When he answered it, he had a look of confusion plastered all over his face
and all I could think of to explain my actions was to kiss him.

At first he tried to resist me, but I held unto him, and drew him to me
making it impossible for him to move.  When finally we broke apart he
spoke,

"Michael, what's going on?"  he asked, his eyes betraying his uneasiness.

"I don't know," I said.  I wasn't sure myself what the hell I was doing.

"I told you I can't keep doing this..." he started, and stopped as I
interjected,

"I know and I understand.  I just...I just don't think I can comply with
those stipulations."

"Well, you're gonna have to.  You have to make a choice.  Either you're in
or you're out."

"Fine.  But I don't see why we can't compromise."

"You don't huh, well I'll tell you why.  This is my life, ok.  My life!
Just remember that.  I'm not some toy to be played with and..."

"I'm in," I cut in, watching as my words were drowned out by his continuing
monologue.

"I have feelings, and I love you, and I can't have you trampling on
that..."

"I'm in," I said again, loud enough this time so that he couldn't miss it.

He stopped talking all together, and the room went quiet.

"What?  What.... what did you say?"  he asked, his voice unsteady and
unsure.

"I'm in.  I mean, I've been thinking, this can't be all that bad, right?  I
like you, Adam, I have from the beginning, but I keep thinking that you'll
just slow me down, mess up my flow, and maybe you will, but if I don't at
least give this a try, I'll really hate myself for it."  I finished stating
my thoughts and watched his face for some sort of reaction, but none came,
none that I had expected.

He didn't rush me, nor did he crack a smile, instead, he started to sob
right there in front of me.

"Adam, what's the matter?  I thought this was what you wanted?"  I asked
worriedly, not sure what to do.

He nodded his head, but didn't say anything.

"Oh, God, what have I done?" I whispered under my breath, as I rushed to
the sink to get him some water.  He took it from me and slowly sipped it
down, as his emotions began to calm, and the flow of tears finally
subsided.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, looking up at me with those eyes.

"For what?"

"For this," he signaled, wiping his eyes clear of tears.

"Did I say something wrong?"  I asked again.

"No, I was... it ...I didn't expect that...from you.  I thought you were
leaving," he finally managed to get out.

"I was, but I changed my mind.  I like you, Adam, I really do, and
sometimes..." I paused and took a deep breath, do or die, this was it,
"sometimes, I think I love you and I just...it would really suck if I let
this go not knowing which feeling was which and..." I didn't get the
opportunity to finish, for he grabbed me, and pulled me towards him and
crushed my frame in an embrace that took the wind out of me.  I had to
admit, this felt somewhat right.

"I love you, Michael, I love you so damn much, and I'm gonna make you see
that I can make it worth your while to stay with me," was all he said
before pulling me closer to him, and bestowing the sweetest kiss on me that
I had ever known.


SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG GUYS.  HOPE YOU LIKE IT.  PLEASE LET ME KNOW YOUR
OPINIONS, THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY.  THANKS FOR ALL THE SUPPORT.