is about relationships between and among teenagers. This includes intimate
relationships between young males. If you don't approve or are offended, then
how come you're reading this? Go to some other Internet Site. (Of course some
people actually cultivate being offended; if that's the case, read right on). As
far as detailed descriptive sex acts, I think you may find some good ones in
other stories right here on Nifty, but as of now I do not envision a lot of
explicit detail in this one.
If, for some legal reason, you are not allowed to read this in your area of the world because of illogical laws, again I will not condone (publicly) anyone breaking the law, so either move or read sentence four. I definitely don't want the thought police after either of our arses.
Please, this story is sort of my property, so if you ever want to quote some of it (whatever for I wouldn't know), please e-mail me and also give proper attribution. As of now no one has permission to put this story on another Internet Site.
This story is almost entirely fictional, and autobiographical ONLY in the sense that many of the incidents in the story really happened, but in some cases to different people and under different circumstances. In other words I've simply adapted things that happened in my life to a fictional story. In fact, some aspects of both main characters are in part modeled from my own experiences. Some of my family members are also in this story, and perhaps (definitely) distorted a bit (a lot) at times and sometimes approaching caricature, but since I really don't expect them to sue, I'm taking the chance. All other characters are fictional, except as noted).
I welcome any feedback. Constructive criticism appreciated.
Chapter 56a -- Some Surprises
Rocco was being his typical self. We were sitting in the waiting room. They took my hooks (OK, they called them prosthetic limbs -- this is probably an attempt to make them less personal so they are more comfortable talking about them). The new cups were being fitted to the hardware. They were from molds taken a while ago and I was worried they'd not fit after my arms being hurt, but with a minor change here and there, they were fine. They also said there is a different arrangement of straps that they claimed would be more comfortable. Rocco kept asking so many questions, I thought he would be booted out.
Rocco once asked me how it felt to have the hooks on. Actually that was one question I made sure not to ask myself. Or think about too much. Because that brought other thoughts that I spent my whole last five years trying NOT to think about. I didn`t give him much of an answer and he never asked again.
When I got called back in, Rocco was off making a phone call. He was being mysterious. Sometimes I have to tell him to stop talking. He talks about everything. But this time he changed the subject when I asked who he needed to call. Well, my birthday party was tomorrow. I figured it had something to do with that. Unlike my White-boy, I can handle a little suspense.
My mind was elsewhere, and I finally realized that the prosthetist was back and talking to me. "Here we go Noel. (That was the name on the chart she had). I believe that these should be much more comfortable. She started fitting them when she asked: "I see you made your little friend stay out this time. I don't blame you. I bet he can really make you uncomfortable."
I was speechless for a moment. I blurted out without thinking: "White-boy is the other half of my soul. I already miss him." As soon as I said it I was astonished at my own strong feelings. And then I was wondering what the lady must think.
"My friend. Rocco. The boy who is here with me."
She talked about only the two hooks the rest of the visit. And barely could even look at me. I started smiling to myself. I was happy I made her so uncomfortable. I didn't care. I realized just how much I was in love with my White-boy. And he seems so much at ease with himself lately. We need to talk about things.
Rocco rushed in and I could tell he was happy about something. Just seeing him happy made me happy. I lifted my arms. "Look, new hooks." (Well many parts were new). A glance showed me the lady was embarrassed by my outburst.
What Rocco said next, got her running from the room. "They look the same. How about the butt wiping attachment?"
I could barely believe he said that in front of someone else. I closed the distance and whispered: "Holy smoke White-boy, what's gotten into you lately?"
He seemed to take time to think about what I just asked: "I don't know myself. But I like it."
We walked out with some new arm socks; the lady said they were better than the old type. I was waving them. "Isn't it weird? The government pays for the hooks and all, but won't pay for these. It's crazy."
We finished the sandwiches we had brought with us, and the bottle of soda we got right before we boarded the el. We were on the way to the lawyer's office and Rocco had been clearly distracted most of the way. When we were almost back, he kept looking out the window of the trolley trying to find some clock to see the time. (His Hopalong Cassidy watch had finally gone to watch heaven).
The trolley stopped to let people off. "Look. That dentist's sign." He pointed.
"I never noticed before. The doctor's name. It says. `Dr. M. I. Fine, DDS'." I looked and we both laughed. And kept adding different initials. "Certainly, I. M. Fine."
"R. U. Sure?"
"No, U. R. Fine."
"Wrong again. I. M. Fine."
I guess you had to be there. It seemed hilarious at the time. Maybe it was because we were both so happy. We passed the Mayfair Theater. "Hay Rocco, look. That new movie is finally here, The Absent-Minded Professor. How about going next weekend?"
"I don't know. Let's talk about it tomorrow. My funds are pretty low."
Now that surprised me. It had been Rocco who was most excited about it when it came out several weeks before. And then I was wondering if he spent all his money on a birthday present.
He then asked: "When're you supposed to be at Goldstein's office?"
"The secretary said 3 PM. We should be plenty early."
"Good." After a bit of a pause, Rocco continued: "Yes, I was trying to see the time because I have an errand to make. And no, it concerns your birthday so I won't tell you. And yes, that's what the phone call was about. And no, you can't bribe me enough for me to tell."
He was smiling and got me smiling even more. "You're ESP is in good operational order. How'd you know I was going to offer a bribe?"
"Don't ever try to be a spy. You can't hide your thoughts at all. And there's something else. What happened when I was making that phone call? You've been beaming ever since?"
That brought to mind my wanting to talk about what I said to the technician at the hospital. "Talk to you later. It needs a time and place when we can be alone and private for a while. And I know you hate surprises so to stop you from fretting all day, it's all good stuff."
"OK, I'll take your word for it."
I went to the lawyer's office and Rocco went down the block. "What's down that way? Where's he going?" I wondered. I went inside and waited, and waited, and waited. Rocco came back with a weird smile plastered on his face. I resisted. No packages. Oh well, I'd find out tomorrow. And we still waited. Rocco was squirming already.
"Stop squirming. I've been sitting here 25 minutes more than you have."
Finally. A small Negro lady came up to us and said that the legal secretary was back from court. We went in to find another Negro. I think we both were surprised. But not because the person was black. The legal secretary was a man! Holy smoke. A woman lawyer and a man secretary. The world is going crazy. Maybe a nice crazy.
"I would like to apologize," he said. "We were late coming back from court. I have all the information for you right here. I'm surprised that your uncle didn't tell you all about this. We assumed that he had." He started to shake my hand, and instead of being embarrassed, griped my hook as if it was an everyday event. He turned to Rocco. "And you must be his good friend. Mrs. Brown talked about you." Rocco was almost startled. Fantastic! Someone actually had him speechless.
"Now. As I read here this is a bond account with rollover per annum." (He then proceeded to speak in lawyer-ese). But it was pretty simple. The account was available to me and not my uncle. It had almost 3000 dollars. Now I went speechless. How was Mama able to save that much? That's more money than I've seen all of my life put together. The money was available for college expenses or when I reach 21 if not in college. Then we were both shocked.
"There is one more provision for the trust. Your mother necessarily needed an alternate trustee. And your mother had us write in Rocco Papariello." He looked at Rocco. "I see you were not aware of this either by your reaction."
We were about to leave when the secretary hit a button on some intercom device: "Hillary, do you have time now?"
A woman's voice came out of the box: "Be right there."
"Mrs. Goldstein wanted to talk to you both, now that she realizes that you are both here. She'll be right in if you would please wait."
Just seconds later a small but energetic woman walked in and came towards me: "Glad to meet you Jade. I'm Hillary Goldstein. I met Mrs. Brown only a few times but I could tell she must have been a remarkable mother." She turned to Rocco, and if Rocco had been surprised with seeing a man secretary, and then even more by being in the trust, he was now totally astonished at what happened next. "Would you be too embarrassed if I gave you a big hug, not as a lawyer but as a mother? I will forever be grateful to you." I didn't think Rocco could have been more stunned. I was sure puzzled myself.
"I don't understand?" He finally got out.
"Please sit down, and let me explain. I guess you don't know me but I surely know you. My son talks about you all the time. You still don't know?"
Things in Rocco's brain finally clicked apparently. "Twain?"
"Yes, Abraham. I guess `Twain' to you. I was so happy when he started coming out of his shell. I can't believe the change in him since last year. He even has friends now. He feels he can fit in somewhere. But he always tells me that if it weren't for you he could never have had the courage. I would like to thank you."
Rocco looked a little embarrassed. "I can't see I did anything. Twain's just a great guy. We get along pretty well even if it's just mostly at school."
"`Twain.' I think that was inspired. You will never know. But thank you."
We all got up and she actually hugged us both. It didn't seem very lawyer-like. "Please call me if you ever need any help. That goes for both of you." We started to leave and she added. "I really mean it. I'm not just being polite. If either of you ever need any help I could give, please, let me know."
We left wondering about what brought all that on. Then Rocco started explaining about Twain. I knew about him, but Rocco filled me in about a lot more. We batted this back and forth all the way to my house. And then Rocco got this weird way he gets sometimes when he is really concentrating about something. Like the whole world is blocked out. He once told me he could concentrate like this for long periods of time.
He finally looked at me and said: "I was just wondering. How come that lawyer never mentioned about my part in that trust? I mean that it was strange or anything?"
I was a bit puzzled. "I don't know what you mean."
"Well look. How come the lawyer never said anything at all to us about my being in that trust? It has to be awfully strange."
I was still puzzled. "But so what? OK, maybe it is strange."
"And if it's so strange, I was wondering if she asked your Mama, how come? I mean, I'm wondering just how much your Mama actually told that lawyer about us. Does that lawyer know that either you or I are homosexual? Of course I can't see how even your Mama could have known."
I looked and suddenly saw what he was getting at. "Now you have me wondering too. You're asking how did Mama explain about why she was putting your name in that trust. So I guess it's possible. But does it matter?"
Rocco shrugged. "Probably not."
I went home and Rocco eventually left for his. My uncle was pretty subdued at dinner and didn't even say a single thing to upset me. I sure hoped he never remembers about that bad evening. The phone rang.
"Jade, I need to see you. I decided I didn't want to wait `till tomorrow."
"How about bowling." My uncle was not going out as he usually did.
"Great, five minutes."
"Fifteen. I have to clean up from dinner."
The library was open late on Fridays and we found a quiet corner. It was suddenly getting really cold outside and I only brought my thin jacket. Rocco seemed strangely nervous. This I realized was important.
Chapter 56b -- More Surprises
"Jade, I've been rehearsing this and I need to get it out. So please listen. The other day when I saw you hurt and unconscious I was so upset I could barely think. When I found out what happened to you I got so emotional I couldn't function for a while. Later at home I told my Mom a lot of things and we talked about you some. Anyway my Mom said something like `you really care for him'." Well I automatically said I did. But it was then I suddenly realized how much."
"Thanks White-boy. We talked about this in the hospital. I really care about you too." I wished I could tell him how much.
We were whispering, so were right close to each other. I suddenly got a wave of emotion through me as I looked at Jade. "Damn, I love you so much." I wanted to hug and kiss him right there. "There's more. I also thought back how I got the courage to finally make my own decisions about what my religion was saying and how I felt about being homosexual. It was you that helped me figure it out."
"Well I just explained what Mama had been telling me all the time."
"Actually that's only a small part. I finally thought about God loving us. But I never could understand really what that implied until I learned what love was all about. It was how I felt about you that made me realize if God felt that way about me than there was no longer any doubt. I easily realized what had to be true."
Jade was a bit surprised. "I never realized."
"Actually I didn't either for a while. Boy! Was Father Hearn upset. I'm almost laughing just remembering his expression. He said something about not intending to lead me in that direction. I told him he was obviously part of God's plan to lead me there. He got even more upset."
"White-boy, I have important things I want to tell you too."
"I'm almost done, if you can wait a sec. The important part is I love you and want us to be together. I need to know how you feel." I had to rush that out before I lost my nerve. I had tried to tell him in the hospital but couldn't get it out. I was worried how he'd take it. Well, to be honest, I wasn't that worried. I simply couldn't get up the nerve to put it into actual words.
Jade suddenly had tears in his eyes. I guess I did too. "White-boy, I told a woman today that you were half my soul. I know that sounds dumb, but that's how I feel about it. I love you too and want us to be together. I can't imagine being without you. You not only saved me, but are part of me."
"Does that mean we're a couple? I mean engaged or something?" My smile was almost hurting it stretched so big.
"I guess we have to get out of school first, but I want us to live together. I want to be . . . I don't know how to say it, we can't get married, but what's the same thing?" Jade I could tell was at that moment almost as emotional as me.
"Why can't we get married? I mean at least just between ourselves. You meant it as a joke but I started thinking why not? I don't care what other people think. I want us to be married."
"OK. Then I do too. I want us to be together, whatever it takes."
"I was just thinking. About a lot of other stuff. Jade, we HAVE to get married."
"What do you mean? You're not pregnant are you?" Jade joked.
"Well our church says that sex outside marriage is immoral."
"I never thought of that. I mean your church stuff. I sure thought of the sex stuff. But you're not making sense. Your Church also says that sex between two boys is also wrong. I know you think you're making sense to yourself, but how can you get worried about being married?"
"What I mean is this. I no longer believe that between two people who love each other, and are totally committed to each other, that having sex is wrong. Just the opposite. But as for any couple, they should be committed to each other for life. And to me that means getting married."
"I want my White-boy. Whatever keeps me with my White-boy forever is good with me. So yes. Definitely yes. Somehow or other I know you're just determined enough. We will get married. And that brings up the subject of sex. I've been fantasizing about sex with you for months. The few times I tried to talk to you about it you kept saying it was against your religion. But I kept hoping I could change your mind."
"I have a confession. I thought about it a lot too. But I kept feeling guilty. But now I don't. Damn. A while back I kept trying to find out about stuff. I first looked up a lot of words in the dictionary. Then read what was in the library. I kept getting so hard when I thought about you. I was so self conscious when I saw you naked, but couldn't stop staring sometimes. But I'm not even 16. Do you think we can really make it? I get scared about that too."
"Let's just make sure it works. Mama said when a problem comes up we need just to love more. Let's make up our minds to just love more!"
I felt so happy I could hardly believe it. "As for sex, I need to go slow. Some of it scares me a bit. And I'm so small. And you're so big." I started blushing thinking about what I was thinking about.
Jade must have realized what I meant. He laughed. Someone was walking by and gave us a glare. I got redder.
"Slow it is White-boy."
"And I have a special gift tomorrow. That's what I picked up. But I had to make sure first. That's why I needed to talk now. Let's find some privacy."
Jade and I went outside and started walking. I wished we could hold hands. That's another thing I really resented. "Jade, it's not fair. If we were a boy and girl we could hold hands and even hug and kiss. Most people would even smile at us. But because we're boys we can't."
"That's just the way things are White-boy. I've learned you can't let yourself get too upset about things you can't change. You need to let some of my black rub off on you."
I smiled. I knew what he meant. "I told you once that I liked your black skin, but never mentioned that I not just think it is so attractive, but it really excites me sexually sometimes. I'm almost too embarrassed to say that. And I keep fantasizing about you."
"I also have had some private fantasies about you. I've imagined putting my boner in you. It's one of my favorite thoughts when I am jerking off."
"I'm getting hard right now. Are we going to confess all our most private fantasies? Some of mine are almost too embarrassing to tell you. Those few times I've wiped you I got so hard I had to think about something else. And you DO have a cute butt."
We stopped in a dark spot and hugged. Jade actually lifted me off the ground and started kissing me. I loved when he took control like that. I wanted him to do things to me. I was so embarrassed even with just the thoughts. We finally came up for air. "Damn, I thought we were going to go slow."
Jade`s smile melted my heart. "That is slow. Fast is ripping your clothes off right now."
We both laughed but I was sorely tempted. I couldn`t believe that I could ever be happier than at this moment.
"God-damned faggots! Go back under your rock." We were suddenly startled out of our happy state of mind. We both got scared and walked off with two guys just staring back at us.
"Are they following?" I asked. I was literally shaking.
"No. I'm glad they don't know us. But we have to be more careful. That really scared me."
"God, why can't we just be allowed to love each other? What's really so wrong?"
"White-boy, Negroes have been asking questions like that for a long time. We just learn to live with it. Our fight for Civil Rights has been going on since forever."
"Well, why can't things change? Why can't we have rights too?"
"What do you mean? What rights?"
"Well it just struck me. If you can have your rights, and white people have theirs, and different religions have their rights to worship as they want, why can't we just have our right to love who we want? Why can't homosexuals have the same things heterosexuals have?"
"Oh, White-boy, you sure know how to dream!"
But I couldn't stay unhappy for very long. I walked Jade home and I just left since his uncle was home. "See you tomorrow for the trip to the bank. Usual time?"
"Sure. You've made me so happy."
Jade looked around, and then pulled me right off the ground and kissed me. It was so natural to kiss him back and the intensity of my emotions hit a new wonderful high. A minute more of this and "slow" won't even be found in the dictionary anymore.
I ran home feeling so good, so free, so happy, so . . . I couldn't describe it all in words. If this is what being in love felt like, now I understand all those old poets and songwriters were trying to say. I think they all failed. Five minutes apart and I was already thinking how soon could we get together again tomorrow. Then I remembered that I had to make sure everything would be ready for his birthday party tomorrow. I ran inside. Everyone was in the living room watching my favorite show, Perry Mason.
"There you are. You never said you were going out?" My Mom didn't really look upset, just concerned. But nothing could bother me right now.
"Sorry, I called Jade a while ago and we needed to talk. I thought Carl was going to tell you." I almost felt annoyed. It felt like anything that wasn't about Jade was almost an intrusion.
Mom looked over at my brother: "Carl?"
"I didn't remember." He said.
I wasn't even annoyed. "Sorry Mom, I thought Carl was going to tell you."
"Rocco, we'll talk about this later." Now my father got into the act.
Shit. "OK Dad. Anytime. I really thought Carl would tell you. You and Mom were in your bedroom and I needed to see Jade." But I could still not stop smiling, or feel upset. I just felt so good.
My sister gave me a strange look. What could she be thinking?
The next morning I was so energized I got up at 7 AM and even started cooking breakfast. French toast, eggs, bacon, and fruit. And I never ate fruit -- without being pressured into it that is.
"What's gotten into you all of a sudden?" My Mom came into the room in her robe. I was a little surprised myself. My Dad no doubt was already at church. But my Mom usually got up later on Sundays.
"Oh, I just feel happy. Probably because Jade is out of the hospital and doing so well. I was really upset by that. It's sort of like a relief. And there`s also the party today."
"That's it? You seem more excited now than even when your football team won. What did you need to talk about last night that was so important you couldn't say on the phone?"
All right Rocco, it looks like THE BIG LIE needs to make you more careful in the future. But what now? "Just stuff about his uncle. Having some problems. It had also to do about the trust his Mama left him."
"What trust?" My Mom asked.
I never mentioned that? Good subject changer! NOT! I didn't want to really talk about this either. "Oh I thought I told you. Well we saw this lawyer yesterday."
"You both did?"
"Well, I just happened to be with Jade coming back from the hook place."
"Yeah. The prosthetic clinic at Hanaman Hospital."
"How did that go?" Before I could answer the French toast started burning. Mom stepped in. She said: "Let me do that. Well, how did it go?"
"Fine. They made some new cups for him and a better strap arrangement. The metal parts are mostly the same. Jade was quite pleased with his new hooks. Said they were more comfortable."
"I don't like you using that word, it sounds so callous."
"But that's what HE calls them."
"Now what about this trust. I hadn't heard about that."
Damn, subject change didn't work. "His uncle mentioned something about Jade's Mama leaving him a trust. So we just went to the lawyer who wrote her will, and found out about it."
"Well, what about it?"
"Oh, just the usual. He has a small trust for college."
"Well that's good. It can't be much. They had so little."
Carl had come into the kitchen and pulled out a box of cereal.
I mentioned to him: "Carl, there's French toast coming and I have lots of bacon and eggs warm in the oven. Help yourself." How come Mom's looking at me like that?
Carl opened the oven door, and then got a plate. I waited for the word thanks and never got it. Oh, well. Maybe I can wear him down. I didn't mind for some reason.
"You were mentioning Jade had a trust." My brother knew something about everything. I thought he was a snob about it, but he really DID read a lot and knew about all kinds of things. So not surprising he knew about lawyer things. "Who are the trustees?"
Mom turned around. "What do you mean trustees?"
"Usually there's a second trustee named instead of an inheritor, less problems implementing the document. Jade's uncle probably."
"No, he isn't." I said with some vehemence. Damn, big mouth, just keep quiet.
"Has to be, there's no one else, unless there's some half-brother being kept quiet."
Leave it to my brother to insinuate something like that. I was getting upset. "How can you say something so nasty about his Mama like that? It's actually me."
"What?!" That was my Mom.Damn Rocco. Start using more than three brain cells for once! "No big deal, she just needed a name and mine was convenient. I just learned about it yesterday."
Mom looked really surprised. "Whatever in the world would have motivated Mrs. Brown to put your name as a trustee in her own son's trust fund?"
Carl added: "It is strange. It's almost always a relative or a guardian. Someone that is responsible for the other trustee." My brother was a fund of information.
Mom was now looking at us both. Then she looked at me. But didn't say anything. What now?
"I can't see the big deal. It really doesn't mean anything. He just gets the money for college. And it really isn't a whole lot." Well, even 3000 dollars isn't a lot compared to some things.
"Well, I still think it mighty strange." My Mom remarked. "What's this lawyer's name?"
I was now starting to get a bit worried. Why was Mom so curious? "Goldberg or something like that." Damn, I'm lying again.
"You were in the office and don't know?"
"I just happened to wait for Jade there. Didn't pay too much attention except to find what the trust was about."
We finished breakfast and I started the dishes. Why was Mom looking at me like that?
Dolores came down and complained that she didn't get any French toast. I got out the pan again and an egg and quickly had it started. Mom had gone upstairs.
"What're you doing?" My sister had the gift of asking obvious questions. Just then the phone rang. I looked at the clock. Pretty early for a call.
"You said you wanted French toast?" I asked her. But my sister was already headed for the phone.
"Rocco, it's Jade!" Dolores came back to the kitchen. I dipped the bread, three slices, and put them in the big iron frying pan.
Mom had left to get ready for church. "OK, make sure this don't burn. Turn them in about 3 minutes. Hope you like them. I used some brown sugar, and a pinch of cinnamon." I ran to the phone.
Jade and I talked for a few moments and then he said Consuelo had called.
"She just about invited herself over. I said I was going to a birthday party this afternoon. Well things got complicated after that. REAL complicated."
"Jade, how come I'm starting to get anxious about this?"
"Well, I told you all along how smart she is. Well, one thing I guess I didn't say too much about, she can be very insistent when she's determined."
"Well, what's up then?"
"Well, she's coming over this afternoon anyway. I guess it won't wait `till Monday."
"But Jade, you'll be over here. Does this mean you'll be late?" And I was thinking. How can things get so complicated so fast? That is usually Jade's complaint.
"I am coming on time. That's not the problem."
And it came to me in a flash. "You're saying that Consuelo invited herself to your party? OK, I guess, as long as you're here. I do like her but we got to ambush her first and make sure she don't say anything at the party!"
"In fact, she's coming over here at about 11 AM. I promise I won't bring her if she didn't promise to keep quiet."
"OK. How about her cousin?"
"No, just Consuelo. She's taking the K bus."
"OK. See you later!"
We didn't seem to either of us want to hang up. But I finally remembered the French toast. I raced into the kitchen. Dolores was already finishing up. "This looks good, thank-you. What got you so motivated?"
"Maybe Jade's birthday party this afternoon. You said that Barbara might even be coming over?"
"Barbara usually doesn't like to miss an opportunity for cake and soda. But she said she has to give someone a piano lesson."
"Well we finally talked Joey into coming. You know who he is?" He'd been over for some half ball, but I couldn't remember him being introduced to Dolores. Mom was in the yard once when he came over, so Mom knew him.
"No. What's he like?"
"Well, let's see. Oh, yeah, his skin is light coffee brown, his hair kinky, eyes brown. . ."
Dolores harrumphed a bit. "You know what I mean. Mom wouldn't want anybody rowdy or anything."
"He's a real nice guy. Just don't embarrass him. It's even possible he's never been in a white person's house before. Every time I offered him some snacks or Kool-Aid when we were playing outside, he always said no. So he may be pretty self conscious. Be nice."
"Don't worry. This is the 1960s. Prejudice is mostly a thing of the past."
I thought that quite a naive opinion. I couldn't help myself, and I snickered to myself as I asked: "Since you're between boyfriends with no more Charlie, want me to ask Joey if he'd be interested?"
My sister surprised me. "I should date him just to see Dad's reaction! Boy I can see it now! But I thought you knew. Charlie and I are back together."
I was surprised to hear that. I knew that Charlie wanted to get more serious but Dolores thought she was too young. I started thinking about Jade and me. Charlie wasn't much older than Jade. Were Jade and I too young?
"But Dolores there's still a lot of prejudice out there so please watch what you say. I think Jade had to actually blackmail him into coming. And talking about who's coming, Consuelo's also going to be here."
"I like her. But I thought Jade was no longer dating her?"
Before I could get my brain in gear I said: "Right." Damn. Of all the times to blurt out the truth. I thought telling the truth was getting to be a bad habit. First with the trust and now Consuelo and Jade.
"Then how come she's coming?"
I reached for a convenient lie. "I invited her." I didn't know then but that lie was going to come back and haunt me later. I don't know even why I said it. It was unnecessary.
I left so didn't see my sister's expression at my answer.
The party went great. It seemed everyone brought their favorite records, and even Jimmy and Stan stayed for a couple hours. Mom and Dolores were in and out of the room, and Barbara showed up for a few minutes after all. Jade came a bit early, with Joey and Consuelo in tow. Joey was pretty quiet at first until Jimmy and Stan finally showed up.
My father even greeted Jade. Consuelo was also really nice. Strangely she seemed to talk to me more than Jade. When Jade came with her he took me aside a moment and said that Consuelo would be her usual nice cooperative self. There were others around so he couldn't say it directly
Consuelo came right over to me and said: "Hi Rocco, thanks for inviting me." How could she know what I just said to Dolores?
Dolores answered for her: "I just mentioned to Consuelo I was surprised when you mentioned inviting her." That statement shook me a bit, and I turned to see Dolores as she came further into the room with Barbara. I turned to Consuelo and she was making sure I was going to pay for my little lie. She came up to me, gave me a big hug, and whispered in my ear: "I was even more surprised." She was laughing at my expense.
I whispered back: "Better ask Jade, Consuelo; I get even."
She laughed even louder. "Try your best." She challenged. And as if to prove her point she actually kissed me on the cheek. I turned red and Jade laughed.
I think Dolores was equally happy to see my discomfort. She gave me a strange look and said: "Well now we know."
"Know what?" And I thought, "Someone care to fill me in." I looked toward Jade for help. He just laughed even louder.
Fortunately, Mom just then got out the big serrated knife to cut the cake. And lit the candles. We did all the usual birthday stuff. A few people gave him some gifts in spite of us telling everybody "no gifts."
I had my own special gift of course. I started to have second thoughts about it though. Paranoia was so much a part of my personality since I realized I was probably a homosexual. (OK, almost pretty sure a homosexual. All right, because of Jade, certain).
A little bit later Consuelo physically pulled me outside. We sat on some cushions on the porch just outside the back door. It warmed up quite a bit from last night and the sun was hitting the porch, making it seem almost warm.
"Don't be so worried. I'm on your side! I almost brought Dan, but he isn't as careful as me. He might have let something slip."
"Consuelo, Jade likes you. I even like you. But you're crazy. That wild trip downtown, and your insistence in coming here today. What's going on?"
"That's the question I asked you the other day. You answer mine first."
"What did Jade tell you?"
"That you were now a couple. I think that's great."
I was in shock. I couldn't believe he actually told her anything like that without us agreeing on it first. "Why are you so interested?"
"About you and Jade? Well the truth is I was really starting to fall for him until I realized it was you he really cared for. I think you and Jade make a great couple!"
"I can't believe he told you that without us agreeing first."
"You said. . ." And I finally realized I'd been had. I can't believe I fell for that. She got a big smile -- the Cheshire cat type. I finally remarked: "Jade said to watch out, . . .that you were too smart."
"Hay, please don't worry." She suddenly got as serious as she had been teasing before. "I really am on your side. I saw how much my brother suffered through everything with our own mother. It took me a while to understand and then to get used to the idea. But my brother and I had long talks. Please believe me. I will not cause any trouble. Your secret is safe. And I even have an ulterior motive. I'll talk about that later." She leaned over and kissed me -- right on the lips!
I couldn't figure how to respond. My feelings were a mixture of relief, curiosity, liking her, and exasperation. Liking her gained ascendancy. I then did something impulsive.
"I got this for Jade. I'm hoping I didn't do something wrong. He bought one exactly like it for his Mama shortly before she died; only that one was silver." I pulled the locket form my pocket and handed it to her. She read the inscription and looked up. "It has a special meaning for us both." I said. "Jade now wears the one he gave his Mama. I was going to give this to him and suggest we swap back and forth. But now I don't know how he'll take it."
"Damn, Rocco, how come the good ones turn out to like boys?! I think that's so romantic. He'll love it. Deep down, he's just as mushy as you."
Mushy? "Thanks. We better get back."
When I got inside, I looked at the clock; damn we were out there over five minutes.
Dolores was right there. "So you decided to join us again? The cake is almost gone. Did you have any? I bet Jade feels abandoned."
Jade handed me the last piece. "Saving it for you. I guess Consuelo did a job on you. She can be quite ingenious when she wants something."
"Tell me about it. She tricked me in admitting about us." Jade suddenly looked serious. We both looked around. No one close enough to overhear, and the music started. Connie Francis could be heard with her new hit Where the Boys Are. Wonder where Dolores got that one. It sure wouldn't have been brought by Jade. (Of course I never did pay attention yet to the records he did bring).
We had fun just playing kids games. Eventually everyone left except Jade and Joey. By that time Joey seemed to be a lot more at ease. Having Consuelo there helped. Consuelo had just been picked up by Carlotta and Mr. Romaro. They had plans to go somewhere together.
I found my Mom and said: "Mom, Jade and Joey and I are going out for a bit. Jade and I will be looking at the pennies he picked up from the bank this morning. And we need to get the change over to Formica's Store."
"Be home for dinner. By the way, I talked to your Dad. Don't worry about your going out last night. I convinced him you did tell Carl."
"You believed me?"
"I also told Carl I didn't like his not telling us. He didn't deny you asked him to tell us you were leaving."
I was a bit surprised. Maybe our talk had some affect after all. "Thanks Mom." And then she embarrassed the hell out of me by hugging me in front of Jade and Joey. "Moooom!"
We were joking around while walking back to Jade`s place.
"So Joey, I tried to fix you up with my sister but she said she and her boyfriend got back together." I looked at him and didn't realize the effects my words could have on him. I guess I was too used to talking to Jade.
His month had to have been injured hitting the ground that hard. "Yo didn't?! She's white!"
I had no mercy. "So now you're saying you're too good for a white girl?"
"No, no. No. I just meant I can't date a white girl. Be dead 'na week."
Jade jumped in. "He's kidding Joey. Don't go serious on us. He's just proving his weird sense of humor."
Joey smiled. "Oh, I knew that." He had too much pride to admit otherwise.
"You know, it really is a shame. It would be nice if I could actually have said that seriously. And you're just the kind of guy I wouldn't mind seeing her date."
Joey looked at me. "You really mean that don't you? Damn, a Negro and a white girl. That'd be the day. Maybe my grandchildren."
"Things are changing. The kids growing up now are better than our parents. Maybe your kids." I actually said it with a bit more hope than wish. And I was thinking. "Joey, there has to be some white in your genes from somewhere." Seeing his expression I was wondering why he seemed so upset. He looked at Jade, and it was Jade that answered.
"There's a lot of white blood mixed in with a lot of us. For most it dates back to slavery times."
"Way to go Rocco; maybe you're not too smart after all." I was thinking. "Sorry, Joey, never thought of that." I tried to get out of an awkward situation. "I was just wondering Joey, what do you think about Jade and I being such close friends?" I wished I dare tell him more.
Joey looked at me and then at Jade. Jade said: "Go on Joey. He won't mind."
After a moment Joey looked down at me and quietly answered. "I was really pissed at first. What the hell did you really want in our neighborhood? I didn't really trust you. But I remembered you from the playground and you seemed OK then. So I decided to give you the benefit of the doubt. Besides, I decided it was up to Jade. But my feelings about him weren't too good at that time either. Then I just mostly ignored it after that."
"That what everybody else felt?"
"I think real mixed. I guess my reaction was stronger because of knowing Jade so well. But most just assumed you'd be gone soon. We get white folk here now and then but no one stays. Teague was really mad at first and almost made trouble. And when Jimmy and Stan started coming over everyone was sure surprised. It was no longer one white boy pretending he liked niggers. Teague actually went to that game to cause trouble. But after seeing what you was doing his competitive blood heated up. He has to be better at everything than anyone else. At least at sports. And he's almost as good as he thinks he is."
"Damn Joey, it was just a simple question."
"You asked. And when you guys showed up at our house that day, I couldn't believe it. My Mom said you were the craziest boy she ever saw -- white or black. I agreed with her. But thanks for being crazy."
"Thanks Joey. Maybe I am crazy. Jade says I'm weird. I'm happy to see at least some of the kids from both neighborhoods getting along." Joey agreed with that, and split off for his own house before we got to Jade`s
Jade's uncle was gone as usual for a weekend day. I started to wonder if he had a second house somewhere. "Jade, I have something I hope you'll like. And about that movie, I guess if we're going to get that multimeter anytime soon I have to conserve my money after buying this." We were sitting close on Jade's bed. I took out the small locket. Barely big enough for the inscription. "It's bronze rather than silver, but identical to the one you're wearing. I had been seeing it in the window of the jewelry store forever and just decided to do this a couple days ago."
Jade took it and just stared for a while. He started to get teary. He read the inscription, identical to his own. He took off the one he had around his neck and handed it to me. "Let's exchange. This is perfect."
He grabbed me. Damn. "Watch your new hooks; there's something poking me." (How's that for romantic)? He just pulled me onto his bed and I wound up on top of him. We kissed. (That's quite an understatement of what we were really doing. And all the kids I knew called this French kissing). I went so hard I expected to rip a hole in my pants. Jade suddenly rolled over and said. "Get up a minute; I need these off."
A minute or so later I was back on top. He pushed his arms up under the back of my shirt. The feeling of the ends of his stumps felt weird. He rolled over and I was pinned underneath. Things heated up even more. We came up for air. "You OK with this, White-boy?"
"Hear any complaints yet? I really like you taking the lead. Go ahead. Do your worst." Do your best I was thinking.
After a minute he jumped up. I was disappointed. But only for a couple seconds. I couldn't believe how fast he got undressed with no hands or hooks. He finally stood there naked, his penis sticking straight out. His penis and testicles were as black as coal. And I was always amazed at how big he was. He had surprisingly little hair. I think I had almost as much. Of course his was short and kinky. And I was totally mesmerized by his smooth butt. Not a hair in sight. He was amazing. He was so attractive to me at that moment, I had trouble breathing.
"Take off your clothes." He said.
I did as he asked. My boner was sticking straight out too. Of course a couple inches shorter. And not quite as big around either. He lay on top of me and I could barely move. He must have at least 70 or 80 pounds on me by now. Maybe more. For some reason I liked the idea of him taking charge. Everything about him was beautiful. Just enough muscle to look defined. My penis was trapped between us as he squirmed all over me. We were moaning a lot when not kissing. It got really intense, suddenly I realized what was about to happen. Did I really what this to happen? I never answered the question to myself. I just abdicated. As I started to squirt Jade realized what was going on. I arched back, and made a lot of noise. I then collapsed. Never have I feel anything that intense. Jade pulled my arm with his and said to grab his penis. I reached between his legs and grabbed. A few seconds later Jade also erupted. He kept on and on. And very loudly. Then he collapsed on top. We just laid there for a while. I felt so content. I was glowing inside.
"You OK White-boy?"
That was perfect I thought. We had turned on our sides looking at each other. I was memorizing his face again. For some reason it seemed almost new to me. His face was almost entirely smooth too. I realized he barely needed his electric razor.
Jade had to ask again: "Were you OK with that White-boy?"
I guess I never answered aloud. "Jade, that was amazing. Thanks." I paused, thinking. "Know what's strange?"
"No. I don't even feel guilty."
"You really are weird. Why should you?"
"I'm Catholic. Their goal is to make everyone feel as guilty as possible."
"I'll worry about the explanation later."
"And Jade. One thing more. I never thought that mere frottage could be so wonderful." I got the reaction I was hoping for.
"White-boy. . ., Rocco what. . ., damn. You can think of our competition at a time like this?!"
"Just happened to come to me. I told you I looked up all those words in the dictionary. I'm only five points behind now!"
"You're weird! What does it mean?"
"What we just did!" And I finally got the ambition to look over at the clock. "Shit. I'll be late!" I jumped up. My whole front was gooey. "Darn you shoot a lot. I have to shower. I can't go home like this." I ran to the bathroom and jumped into the tub. I turned on the water and grabbed the shower hose. And then screamed. I forgot the hot and cold spigots were reversed. Just as I started Jade got in behind me. It was crowded. We smiled at each other. "I can't believe that six months ago I was scared stiff to have a public shower with all the other students."
"You're stiff right now."
"Funny." He started holding me from behind. I said: "If you keep that up I will never get home."
We cleaned up quickly and I took the towel from Jade and started drying him.
Jade remarked: "You keep wiping there and I'll need another shower." By this time we were giggling almost uncontrollably. We were acting like 10 year olds. (OK, sexually mature 10 year olds).
"Jade, did I say I wanted us to go slow?"
"I can't seem to remember anything right now."
"Our first time! It was fantastic."
"You're wrong. My second time."
I was a bit disappointed. "You had sex with someone else?"
"No. It was you."
"Now I know you're nuts. I must have been unconscious." I just assumed he was talking about one of his fantasies while masturbating.
"Just asleep. Remember that time at camp last summer? When we slept together?"
"Well I had an amazing wet dream that night and woke up squirming on top of you and squirting. You slept through it!"
We both laughed thinking it funny. I was finding everything funny.
"Damn. I have to hurry!" The last two days were the best of my life.
We were so late, we just brought the coins to the store without looking through the pennies. And I zoomed home.
I barely made it, but no one seemed to notice. It was warm enough, the windows were open. Quite different from yesterday. April can be like that.
It was the usual dinner time conversation until Dolores made a remark about Consuelo. "So Rocco, you dating her now?"
That blindsided me so bad I could barely deny it. "No."
My Dad looked up. "I thought this Consuelo was dating your friend?"
Mom looked at Dad and then at me. "Just who is she dating? Dolores said that you invited her to the party."
Geesh! The web of lies may be spinning out of control. "Just to surprise Jade."
That seemed to end the topic. Trouble is not only I have to keep all the lies straight, but fill in Jade too.
Later that evening I was in my room, getting last minute school stuff done and listening to our next door neighbor play his Alto Sax. Our respective windows were only maybe 15 feet apart and on nights I could have the window open I listened for him. I remember a couple years ago telling him I could hear his Sax sometimes in the late evening and he tried to apologize for bothering us, but I told him I liked hearing it. He usually played some melodic stuff that I couldn't categorize, but I just liked. Not often but sometimes a couple evenings a week. So I opened the window wide and listened in. I was disappointed that it stopped so soon. But soon as it did I could hear my Mom and sister talking down in the kitchen right below. The sound bounced up very clearly. Suddenly I heard my name and got curious. I strained to hear what they were saying.
Dolores: "He sure is acting funny this week. He even made me breakfast this morning."
Mom: "And didn't even start his typical defensive posturing when your father challenged him." I wondered what posturing meant. I will have to look that one up.
Dolores: "And he was almost nice to Carl. And didn't even snap back when Carl was baiting him this morning."
Mom: "I wish Carl would grow up a bit and stop that. And Rocco takes Carl way too seriously."
Dolores: "What did Carl do?"
Mom: "He made a remark alluding to a half-brother of Jade's. He was looking at Rocco just to see his reaction."
Dolores: "I bet Rocco exploded. He can be so stupid for someone so smart."
Mom: "Actually no. For Rocco, he hardly reacted at all. And then brought Carl more French toast. I told you he's acting strangely. And he's had this goofy smile plastered on his face for the past couple days."
Dolores: "I think I know why. At dinner he said he invited Consuelo to surprise Jade, but Rocco told me earlier that Jade wasn't dating her anymore. Also she and Rocco kept whispering to each other the whole time she was here. That got me really wondering. Have you ever seen Rocco like this with a girl before?"
Mom: "Definitely not typical. I think he's finally growing up. And finding girls."
Dolores: "But there's more. I saw Consuelo pull Rocco outside. The cake almost disappeared and Jade came to me and said he was saving the last piece for Rocco. I realized he must still be outside. I opened the door to call him in and saw him and Consuelo kissing. On the lips! I was amazed. Was that my little brother? (To Dolores I was always her little brother even if we were twins). Then he pulled out this beautiful locket and gave it to her. They came in a moment later."
I could hear the excitement in Dolores' voice. She was enjoying this gossip. And my machinations were the cause of it all. Now what could I do? Well at least it helped bolster THE BIG LIE, but wow, the complications!
They started talking again.
Mom: "Are you sure about all this?"
Dolores: "I saw it with my own eyes! I think love is in the air. I see all the symptoms! Especially that constant silly smile. Rocco's in love!" My sister started giggling.
Mom: "This can be serious if your father finds out. I'm not so sure he'd be so happy. She's a Negro and worse, not even Catholic. Your father definitely won't be happy. I'm not too happy about it myself."
Dolores: "I can barely believe it. Rocco has finally discovered girls!"
Mom: "Hopefully he will find someone else soon. Or I might have to have a talk with him."
April 9, 1961
Holy smoke, to borrow a phrase. Mom and Dolores think Consuelo and I are together! I didn't know whether to laugh or scream. Wait `till I tell Jade. And what's that about a silly smile? It's a fantastic smile. But I better be more careful. THE BIG LIE needs to be maintained. And I wonder if I should tell Consuelo? I owe her one anyway.
And thank you God for giving me Jade. Sorry about the sex, but I just wanted to do it for Jade. OK, I won't lie. For both of us. But you know the thing that tipped the scale was doing it for Jade. And besides, we're practically married. How about that God? Can we actually get married? It feels so right.