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Chapter 10

Birthday
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How could they do that to him? That was what kept rolling in my head. He looked at Nima as a sister. Vice had been his lover for years. How could they have had sex? My heart burned as I thought about it. I was full with anger for a moment. I hated both Nima and Vice for doing this to Roman. This would break his heart. This wasn't Vice going around flirting with other guys or even having sex with other guys. This was Vice having sex with his family.

“I've been through some things,” she told me, her voice shaking as she spoke, “I always felt like there was nothing. There is no coming back from this is there AJ?”
Why should I help you, you lowdown dirty bitch? I was so angry I could feel myself shaking with her. Roman didn't deserve this. This would kill him. I felt so bad for him. How could one person be hurt so much? I just crossed my arms. Was it her fault or was it Vice's fault?

“No. This is as bad as it could get.”

Hearing that seemed to break her down completley. She started crying again almost immediately. The sounds of her sobs was nothing compared to how bad I felt for Roman but I still felt bad for her. She was a slave to her alcohol. She had no control of herself when it came to that. She was weak. I could see it now.

It was almost ten minutes of crying before I could finally start the conversation over. I wanted to comfort her but right now my hands couldn't go over her shoulders. I wanted to comfort Roman. That is who needed to be comforted right now. This would break his heart...

“Are you going to have an abortion?” I finally asked when she had calmed down a little bit.

She shook her head, “I can't kill the baby. Everyone deserves to live...even if this is the biggest mistake of my life.”

“You know you'll have to start drinking,” I stated looking down at her, “You know this baby will have to be healthy if you have it. Are you willing to do that?”

She nodded, “I'll need help.”

Why was I sitting here helping her? Why was I even talking to her? She brought this on herself. She was hurting someone that loved her. Roman would do anything for his family and this is how they repaid him by having a fucking baby on him behind his back.

“Neiman and I will help you,” I stated, “We will go with you to if we have to. But you have to promise me not to drink anymore.”

She looked hesitant but she nodded.

“No more.”

This was fucking tragic. I couldn't even look at her as I spoke.

“We can't tell anyone now,” I told her changing the subject quickly, “Roman will probably kill the both of you. Honestly. I don't want to deal with that. We'll wait until he argues with Vice again. We have to wait until they break up.”

“What if they don't break up.”

“Then you can't even tell him can you?” I said shaking my head.

I couldn't look at her. I wanted to call her all types of bitches. I wanted to spit on her truthfully. I had never felt so lowly of a person. She couldn't control herself enough to keep her legs clothes? I just kept feeling that she was a filthy little bitch but still in the back of the mind I saw how she had clutched hard on those liquor bottles. It was as though her life depended on it.

“Don't look at me like that,” she started off again with a quivering lip, “Don't patronize me. I never felt so low in my life. I would never hurt Roman. I wouldn't.”

I remained quiet.

She shook her head, “You know he was the there when no one wanted to be around me. They had blacklisted me when people found out I was a lesbian. I was the prom queen. How could the prom queen be a carpet muncher. They made facebook pages about me. They handed out flyers. The girls at that school hated me before and now they had a reason to belittle me. Roman was strong and they were afraid of him. I hid behind his strength and the fact that he didn't care what other people thought about him. Jaime was always too perfect and Neiman was too quiet. I needed Roman to just tell someone to shut the fuck up. And they did. And he didn't care what they thought about him. He never did. And he was my brother. Roman was my protector. And I loved him...”

And you betrayed him.

“You don't have to say anything to me babygirl,” I shook her head, “You just make sure that when Roman comes looking for a reason that you are ready. We have to wait for the right time. Till then just tell them you don't know who the dad is.”

“I'll look like a slut.”

“And what is the better of the two evils,” I asked. She was silent and I added after a few seconds, “This weekend we are going to AA...you better be coming with us.”

I started to walk away. I didn't know why I was helping her. I felt responsibility to for some reason and I was wondering why. Why was I so responsible for her? I actually felt bad for her. I felt like I needed to help her. But then I thought about it. She was victimized. She was always a slave to her transgressions but her transgression wasn't sex. It was alcohol.

This was Vice's fault.




I arrived at Marlon's miracles two days after the Nima debacle. I got into the store and saw that he hadn't even counted the drawer or did inventory this morning. He was sitting on the side with his arms crossed. I got right to work ignoring him and getting to work. I organized everything. Put everything in place and made sure the store was presentable as usual. We barely had any customers but when we did have a customer usually they spent a lot of money. It was important that the store was nice. I didn't have time for XO's funny looks either. There was a lot going on back at the house. Everyone was being weird about Nima and they were being weird with me. Barka tried for what seemed like days to get me to tell her what was going on with Nima. I didn't though. It wasn't for Nima's sake. It was for Roman's sake. I didn't want this getting out at all.

“Some guy came to the store asking for you,” XO broke the silence.

I shrugged. It was probably one of the Vanities. What the hell did I care if someone came to the store or not.

“Thanks.”

I could tell he was just trying to make conversation. I turned and started dusting off the counters and everything. This wasn't social hour. It was work. I understood that but I knew he wasn't going to let me just do my work without trying to bring up what happened on the shore again.

“So you really are not going to apologize then?” he asked finally.

I knew he would be the first one to talk. He had been standing there the whole time watching me as though wanting me to say something to him.

“I didn't do anything,” I replied.

I really wanted to tell him to leave me the hell alone. I was worried about something else right now. There was too much going on in my life right now and he wasn't the first thing on my mind.

“You really broke my heart,” he stated, “All I wanted to do was spend some time with you. You shut me down. Is your heart made of ice or something? Even now you are so closed off. And you don't care. You are so cold. It's like you have no emotions at all.”

No. I just hid my emotions. I tucked them away.

I shrugged at him, “What do you want me to say? I was like this when we became friends.”

“Is that what we were?”

I looked over at XO. He had this weird look in his bright eyes. He had a wrinkled up face.

“Yes.”

“That's exactly what I'm talking about. I was falling for you,” He explained, “Didn't you see that?”

“Look if I led you on, I'm really sorry,” I started, “I just wasn't looking for anything...serious right now.”

I wasn't here to stay.

I was using this job to get some money and I was going to leave. I was going to leave far away from Crystals. I was going to leave far away from Vanities. I was going to find a small hut in the desert where no one knew who I was and I could live out my lonely existence.

“Why don't you love me?”

I was taken back by his comment, “XO, what are you talking about?”
“I want to know what the fuck are you doing to me?”
“Excuse me?”

He wasn't making any sense at this point. What was worse was the look in his eyes. It was almost as though I had missed something completely with him. I didn't get it at all.

He started moving towards me, “I am in love with you and I feel fucking crazy. I feel like one of those Vanities or something right now. I'm all fucked up in the head. Can we just talk...”

“No...XO...you're acting weird.”

That was an understatement. He was giving me this weird look. For some reason it was extra uncomfortable with me.

“I'm NOT FUCKING ACTING WEIRD!”
He was really going to go off and I could tell but all of a sudden he stopped. Just at that moment I looked back at the door to see that Marlon Crystal had just entered the store. He had a few guys with him. XO gave him a look.

“You ok XO?” Marlon asked.

“I'm sick. I'm calling it a day.”

XO gave me another look but then turned away. I could see that I had probably really broken his heart. It hurt to think that I really did that because it wasn't my intention at all. I hadn't known he was feeling that serious about me. I was no where close to love with him.

Marlon didn't seem to even notice XO had his feelings hurt. It was like he had a shield in front of his eyes. It was so weird because XO's emotions were clearly affected. He even slammed the door on the way out.

“So...here is my little prodigy. You turned this store around,” Marlon stated, “Sales almost doubled since you came on board. How would you feel like managing this store yourself without XO?”

He was just going to cut XO out of like that.

I shook my head immediately and lied my ass off, “No...XO helps me. I couldn't do it without him.”

It was pure shit but I was a loyal person. I wasn't going to throw XO under the bus even if he was acting like an asshole.

I smiled at Marlon trying to keep my attention to him but it was hard. He introduced me to the other guys that were with him. He gave me all their names. They were Crystals. They were all older guys probably in their 30s. They all looked like they could pass for straight guys and they were all handsome. All of them also seemed just as superficial as Marlon as well. I definitely saw a connection with these Crystals. The conversation was boring. It was mostly Marlon bragging about how well the store was doing since I starte.d I really had made a big difference but it wasn't hard. XO just wasn't doing anything at all before.
“Your party is this weekend,” Marlon has stated, “Everyone's excited to meet you.”
“You know what, that really isn't my thing,” I stated shaking my head, “I'm not really a social butterfly. I think maybe the whole party thing wasn't a good idea.”

Roman's sister was having a baby with his boyfriend for a couple years. The guy I had been kind of seeing was slowly turning into a lunatic. Then there was the fact that my uncle was dying. No. I definitely didn't think it was the best time to have a party.

“You are a Crystal. Remember that. This weekend is your party. Or did you forget? Didn't you want to keep your job. You were doing so well?”
Was he threatening me with the job? I wasn't sure. Marlon had a patronizing look but I wasn't sure how to take him. I didn't know him well enough yet. Still he was right. I needed this job. Especially with how crazy it was getting at the Vanity House. This was a better time then ever to be getting ready to save up and get the hell out of Dodge because the Vanity house was going to explode if Nima's secret ever came out. I didn't want to be anywhere near that blast.

“Ok...I'll do it.”

“I'll see you this weekend.”



The weekend had come relatively quickly. I spent Saturday with Nima and Neiman. Nima had been avoiding Roman. Hell, she had been avoiding Vice as well for that matter. It wasn't hard to avoid them. They were out doing their own thing as usual. Barka called them love birds. It almost made me sick really thinking about it. Neiman actually had been the most excited about the baby. I saw him and his twin. He spent hours trying to calm her down when everyone else in the house had given up. I know she wouldn't tell him her secret. She didn't want to be judged. I was close to her but she really looked at everyone else as her family. I could only imagine how she was feeling.


Luckily we went to an AA meeting that Saturday. Luckily for me the Vanities had been keeping a close eye on her and preventing her from drinking it. I hoped that it would be strong for her but even though it had been such a short time she was already looking pretty sickly. It looked as though she was going through withdrawal.

Neiman had been having trouble getting her out of the room for the AA meeting but when I came out she finally stopped struggling. I wondered if it was because I knew her secret.


Then it was Sunday. It was my birthday before I had known it. The Vanities had gotten their invitations the same day. None of them thought it was too suspicious because XO's name was on it. They were more surprised that it was my birthday then the fact that XO Crystal was the one throwing me a birthday party. What they didn't know was that I was going to make the announcement to everyone that I was going to the house of Crystal.

All of them had gotten invitations except Roman.

There was a knock on the door at 9 pm as I got ready for the party.

I opened it to see Roman standing there.

“Hey...” I said a little confused to see him at my door.

I hadn't really seen him in the past couple of days. I spent a lot of time with Nima and Neiman. Roman was no where to be found usually. It had become rare to see him around the house.

“Can I come in or are you just going to stand there looking at me?”

He flashed his smile. It was his usual beautiful smile. He looked sexy standing there. I noticed that Roman always wore black and he looked so fucking sexy in it. His eyes were hidden behind some rayban aviators. He had a black polo shirt that was fitted on his muscles. He was hidden behind some He had an expensive looking watch on and some nice fitted blue jeans that hugged him but in a masculine way.

I stepped back letting him in, “Sorry, I just wasn't expecting you.”

“Did you think I wasn't going to come wish you a happy birthday,” he asked.

“Well I figured you would but of course I figured you would do it at the party like everyone else.”
“This party is a big deal,” he stated, “Everyone on Captiva Island is talking about it. Of course it seems like its rare that everyone was invited to a party on Captiva Island. Everyone except for me of course.”

“Fuck...”

I had completley forgotten that XO hadn't invited him. My face soured in a thick embarrassment as he smiled at me. He had on his dimples.

“It was your fucking boyfriend wasn't it?” he asked me.

“He's not my boyfriend.”

He smiled a little bit and shook his head, “It's cool. He's just jealous that we are have a connection.”

I didn't know what he meant by that but the truth is it could have meant so many different things or nothing at all. It would have been so easy to assume something and run with it. I didn't want to though. He had already made it clear that he was like my big brother and that was all.

“You know you are invited right?” I asked him.

He looked at me and smiled, “I wouldn't miss it for the world. Plus everyone's gone on ahead. How did you think you were going to get there?”

“Great they left me on my birthday. How perfect?”

“I asked them to.”

“What...why?”

“I wanted to take you,” he replied and smiled, “You know you are the only person that I let ride on the back of my motorcycle.”

He was making me smile again. My heart got warm as he talked to me. He smelled good next to me. I could tell he had gotten dressed up because it was my birthday. He wasn't flashy by any means but he had this classic sexiness to him. It was clean and fresh. He knew exactly what to wear to stick out just enough but not too much.

I rolled my eyes, “Oh please.”

“Please my ass,” he replied smiling back, “Everyone else is scared to ride on the motorcycle. Vice, Nima...everyone. You are the only idiot crazy enough to ride on the back of the bike with me. And I don't why the hell that means so much to me.”

“I had no idea...”

I really didn't know that he enjoyed riding his motorcycle with me. I felt like the bond was just on my end. I was so blind to that.
I smiled.

He smiled back.

We looked at one another for a long time actually but then he broke the smile.

“You need to stop looking at me like that,” he stated before breaking his smile.

He called me out and I was embarrassed. I loved how he made me blush. God. I was so embarrassed that he would call me out like that. I wondered how red I had become. I wondered how squinty my eyes had become when he looked at me. My heart was so warm and I was so excited and he just kept looking at me.

I felt so damn warm.

Why the FUCK did he have this pull on me? Why wasn't I pulling back like I had done with XO? Why was I telling him to leave me alone...

“Why should I stop looking at you like that?” I asked.

“Because you scare me,” he replied.

“What do you mean?”

“You scare me like I may start...” he laughed, flashing his bright smile as though embarrassed by himself, “I may start liking you looking at me like that.”
I stopped talking. Where was that wall? Why hadn't it risen. Here this man was trying to break down these fucking walls and I couldn't understand why I wasn't fighting him. I should have had all my guard up by now.

I hadn't said anything back to him. I just continued to look at him. He was smiling in an amused way. I didn't think it was directly due to me. It was because of what he said. He sighed a little bit and was looking up towards the room. He was thinking. He was thinking about me...

“I should stop before I start making this uncomfortable,” he replied shaking his head, “Here gimme your hand. Let's get the hell out of here.”

I took his hand.



The ride there was beautiful. Roman drove on the road like a mad man and was sure so many times that I would lose my life, but there was no place I'd rather be for my birthday. There was such an excitement that rushed me. The party was packed and when I got there it was clear that this probably wasn't my party at all. No one noticed me. No one said happy birthday to me.

The venue was a huge venue. Everyone was dressed up. Luckily I had made sure to look a little decent. I had worn a sports jacket and a little skinny tie with some pants.

“Come on,” Roman stated.

He was pulling me through the crowd. There were so many people here and they were so full of themselves. As we got into the hall I could hear the music blasting through the hall. This place was huge like a club but people weren't dancing around or anything like that. Everyone was posted up and talking to one another. Who knows what the fuck they were talking about.

Roman kept pulling at me.

“Hey, Roman I'll be right back.”

“Wait the family wants to see you,” he stated.

“I'll be over. I promise. I just have to deal with something really quick.”

He looked like he didn't want me to leave him and I smiled at the thought. I realized more and more that I was having feelings for this guy every time he smiled at me. I thought it was stop when I wasn't with him but it wasn't.

I took a deep breath and made my way through the crowd. I had to find the Crystals and thank them for the party. It was clear that was the most important.

I found Marlon at the front of the room. He was definitely the people's person. The other guys that he introduced me to in the store were with him. Not too far from them were younger guys like Lombardi. I hadn't seen XO until I got really close to him.

“Happy birthday,” XO stated.

“Happy birthday!” Lombardi echoed.

Lombardi had reached out to give me a hug but XO had beat him to it. XO had actually reached over and kissed me. It was a sloppy kiss though. It was clear that he was drunk.

I pushed him away but not like I did at on the shore. I didn't want to embarrass him again and make a scene.

“Why do you keep pushing me the hell away...”

He reached out for me.

He grabbed onto my arm and was like trying to pull me away with him but I resisted and that was when I saw that he was the one actually making the scene.

What the fuck was going on with him?

Marlon had gotten close to XO. So close that he

“XO what the hell are you doing?” Marlon asked, “I can smell the fucking liquor on you. What are you, Nima Vanity? Go to the bathroom and clean yourself the fuck up. You looking like a fucking fool right now...”

Marlon was embarrassed as hell. I saw the onlookers who were looking over at XO. Truth was XO did kind of remind of a drunken Nima at this point. He was even stumbling. I could tell he wasn't the only one embarrassed. Lombardi was saying something to him and grabbed him by the arm. He pulled XO away from me.

A part of me wanted to go to the bathroom and really have a discussion with XO about what was going on with his remarks and weird behavior lately but I didn't. I didn't understand matters of the heart and for some reason he felt like I had broken it. Maybe Lombardi was the person he could talk to about that.

“He doesn't know how to hold face. You turned him down. Get over it right,” Marlon stated in a cold matter of fact way, “He needs to be more like Lombardi. That Vanity turned Lombardi down and you didn't see Lombardi crying a damn river.”
“It's not XO's fault. Things just got mixed up. I may have given him the wrong signals.”

“He's a fool. That emotional stuff is not what the Crystals do. You are what the Crystals need,” he smiled.

I crossed my arms.

“Are you saying I don't have emotions?”

“I'm saying you are a proper man, a real man. You have manners and class,” he replied, “Now come on, let me introduce you to everyone.”

I didn't move.

He looked back at me then looked back at the other Crystals who were obviously waiting to get their official introduction to me. I hadn't met these other Crystals. They all were giving me the same look. It was that hard patronizing look. They all felt so superior as if they were made of crystal for real. They felt like they were unbreakable. They didn't bleed. Marlon was so handsome for his age. He was so perfect. Hew as so masculine. He was so perfect.

“What are you doing boy?” he asked me.

“I don't want to be a Crystal.”

His face seemed to melt away, “Are you kidding me? Did you forget where you work? Did you forget who you were.”


“I know just who I am,” I stated, “I'm AJ Vanity. I am a fucked up individual with fucked up emotions. At least I have them though. I'll probably end up another statistic. I'm a low down dirty faggot and I belong with those low down dirty faggots. But I love it. I love them....”

I don't know why I was exploding like this to him.

I didn't even hear the words coming out of my mouth.

“Honey! Aw we love you too!”

I turned around to be hugged by huge fake tits. It was Barka. She was holding me as if I was a baby. It reminded me of the fact that she was a still a man when she raised me high up the ground as if I was a puppet.

Right next to her was Uncle Jory, then behind him was Neiman, Vice and Nima. Jaime reached over to me and messed up with my head.

Jaime smiled at me, “You were always a Vanity. You just didn't know it yet.”

“Does that mean I have to be nice to you now?” Nima joked.

I hadn't seen Roman until I turned back around to Marlon Crystal. He had his people all surrounding him. Lombardi and XO were back out of the bathroom but XO was faded in the background too drunk to really know what was going on.

Marlon shook his head, “You're fired.”

“Are you kidding me?” I asked shaking my head, “I turned that store around. You were offering to let me manage the store myself.”
I truly had believed he would have looked past this stupid house shit. I doubled his fucking sales. He wasn't doing anything with Marlon's Miracles. It had failed as both an art gallery and a store. It would have ended up closing within a month and a half if I hadn't stepped in when I did.

Marlon could care less though. His upper lip was quivering with embarrassment.

“You sloppy sick bitch. I wouldn't have you anywhere near me. You dirty Vanity scum, you'll probably be dying of HIV, alcohol poisoning or suicide anyway. I don't have time to waste with you.”
That when he actually launched his drink right in my face.


The drink spilled all over me and my mouth actually dropped open. For a moment I actually felt bad for myself. Happy birthday.

That was when Roman got involved.

He had grabbed Marlon up quicker than anyone could stop him. I could see the look in Marlon's eyes that said he had regretted what he did. The Crystals were definitely getting antsy when Roman gripped Marlon up but none of them did anything right away. I definitely knew now what Nima was saying when she was describing her relationship with Roman. Roman had a way making people feel like they couldn't get away with things when he was around.

“It's not worth it Roman,” Jory stated, “You see Marlon, you and I were old friends. What you don't realize is that diamonds aren't born in Tiffany's. They are brought there. Diamonds are born from the dirtiest ground and when they are cleaned they are the most beautiful things in the world. I think you know what you are missing out with AJ. I feel bad for you...”

Jaime pryed Roman off of Marlon.

Marlon dusted off his suit, “He'll come running back once he sees that Vanity is a sinking ship. The ballscene is dead. No one wants some useless faggots anymore. Security!”

“We'll show ourselves out,” Jory replied.

That seemed to anger Marlon even more. I heard him scream back from behind us, “This isn't over! You hear me! This isn't over!”


We started to walk out all I could feel was the wetness. Before I knew it Roman had taken off his shirt and handed it to me as we walked into the parking lot. I laughed as he handed it to so that I could wipe my face.

Barka rolled her eyes, “Hunny, you just want to show off your body.”

“My body,” Vice added.

His little comment pulled me back into reality and I stopped wiping my face with Roman's shirt and handed it back over him. His scent was all over me now and Roman was looking at me with wondering eyes.

“You ok?” he asked me.

“I think I just got kicked out of my own birthday party.”

“We'll party in the parking lot,” Nima stated pulling out a huge bottle of champagne, “AND dont worry, I have not drinking any. I just had to bring my stash to celebrate my new big brother's birthday. Happy birthday love...be careful with that too.

She handed me the bottle.

I read the label.

Saint-Emilion. This was definitely not cheap wine. Nima was well prepared though, even pulling out a wine opener from her bra and popping the bottle open quickly.

“Nima you never fail to surprise,” Vice laughed.

Everyone else laughed except Nima and I. We exchanged awkward looks and I took a long drag of the wine directly from the bottle.

I passed it over to Jaime when I was done.

“Happy birthday baby brother,” Jaime stated, “I better still be your favorite too.”

Neiman stepped forward for a minute and handed me a book, “Happy birthday.”

I looked at the book kind of wondering, “What is it?”

“It's a journal. You can write down your feelings. My therapist suggested it and it's been helping a ton.”

It was a strange gift but I didn't mind at all. I gave Neiman a long hug. They were all surrounding me smiling me. For once Jory was just smiling at me and not giving me any weird “knowing” looks. I didn't care that I had been covered with wine or kicked out of my party just a couple of minutes ago.

“Ok Neiman and Nima had to give you the bullshit gifts,” Roman stated and laughed, “They've been keeping you busy so you didn't notice anything weird was going on.”
I was confused.

“What are you talking about?”
“The rest of us were the ones who actually got you the real gift,” Jaime stated, “We put our money together. Of course Father Jory was the only one with good credit but the rest of us made the payments. Look across the street...with the big bow...”

I turned across the street completely confused. When I turned across the street I was almost stunned to tears honestly. It was a car there. It was an actual car sitting there. It looked like a Honda and it looked brand new from this distance.

It was Barka who waved the keys at me.

“Happy birthday little brother,” she stated, “We love you...”