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Chapter 12

Chaos & Infamy

Barka shook her head. It was getting intense. At this point everyone was on edge. Barka reaching into the bag every single time seemed now like she was just reaching into our soul and grabbing something out.

The water was getting rockier and rockier.

Barka dug out a paper, “This is for Roman. Have you ever cheated on Vice?”

“No.”

Roman's answer was quick. When I first met Roman he seemed like he was the biggest playboy in the world but the more I knew him the less playboy he seemed. It didn't seem to surprise anyone but Vice actually who kind of smiled and got all happy.

Barka dug in her bag, “Jamie...how long have you been a virgin?”

Jamie rolled his eyes, “Thanks Dickhead, to whoever wrote that question, I'm not a virgin.”
Everyone laughed and I could tell by Roman's face that he was probably the one who wrote the question. Jamie seemed to know too but he was somewhat amused by it. I was glad someone had taken the edge off of these questions.

“This is for Neiman and Nima. Are both of you really done drinking.”

Nima was the first to raise her hand, “I can answer that. Neiman, AJ and I have religiously gone to AA meetings. We don't find happiness in alcohol anymore.”

Neiman smiled, “I second that.”

I clapped my hands for them and Roman joined it. I loved the thought of Nima not drinking. I couldn't imagine Neiman being much of an alcoholic but supposedly they were both as bad as one another.

Barka dug into the bag and pulled out a paper, “Geez...this one is a little rude.”

Vice walked up to her, “I think I know the one you are talking about. Here let me read it.”

He snatched the paper out of Barka's hand and he was facing me before he even unfolded the little piece of note paper. It was clear he had written the question. It was CLEAR that he had an issue.

“Here's the question...AJ, what happened with your mother?”

Silence.

Nima choked a little bit though.

“You don't have to answer that,” Jamie stated.

“The hell he doesn't. Jamie butt out for once,” Vice stated and turned back to me, “Are you going to answer the question.

“Yes...”

Just as I said that I felt Roman's hand grab mine. He held it. In a moment I felt hands on my shoulders. I looked over to see Neiman and Jaime both grabbing a shoulder. Nima and Barka had moved up as well. Vice remained distant but he was close enough to hear.

They were supporting me. It made this even harder.

I looked at the other Vanities. I hadn't expected to come to Captiva Island and care about these people. I hadn't expected this to be a big deal.

I shook my head.

“My mother dated a man before she had me. His name was Rodney Biggs. He had a criminal record and was really abusive to my mom. Somehow she was able to run away. When she got away from him she met my father and had me. But Biggie found her. He killed my father.”

“Wait...” Barka stated.

I was sure that she was the only one who caught exactly what I had said. The others slowly picked it up and looked at me with the strangest faces.

“L--like murder?” Nima stated.

“Yeah,” I stated, “This isn't a movie. It isn't an accident. Biggie murdered my father out of jealousy. He murdered my father out of rage that my mother had ran away and found someone else.”

The looks on their faces said it all. They were already looking at me different. Nima wasn't looking at me at all. Jaime and Neiman both took hands off of my shoulders and squated down in front of me. It was as though I had taken them off their feet or something.

Roman was still holding my hand but his grasp had gotten somewhat weaker. He didn't notice. He was too busy trying to comprehend what I had just told him.

Barka shook her head, “This is really serious. How do you know for sure that he murdered your father? Is this a fact or just suspicion.”

I sighed heavily.

It was the most heavy sigh that I had ever had. It was the only noise besides the waves crashing on the yacht. Vice was staring at me across the way with his judging eyes. For some reason it was easier to talk about this because he was here. He already had that look that I knew the rest of them would look like when I was done telling my story.

“It's a fact,” I said trying not to be dramatic, “I was a kid when it happened but I wasn't too young to help my mother and Biggie drag my father onto his fishing boat. I think it's the earliest memory I had. It was cold. We sailed out onto the lake and Biggie...he...he cut my father into little pieces and he threw him off the boat...”
Barka mouth dropped, “Oh bitch...”

Roman let go of my hand.

I was pretty sure Nima made a little bit of a gagging sound as though she was going to vomit.

“You were an accessory to murder,” Vice accused me from across the boat, “Are you guys listening to this?”

“He was a kid,” Roman stated, “Your mother should have protected you...”

“She was afraid of him,” I defended my mother, “She knew that he'd do worse to us if we didn't go along with it. The cops came asking about my dad. They were suspicious because of Biggie's record but she gave him an alibi.”

“What happened to your mother?” Roman asked me.

I knew they were all thinking the same thing. They were all wondering how this tied into my mother. I could almost laugh at how much tension there was. A part of me wanted to blurt out that Nima was pregnant with Vice's baby so that the tension would be off me a little bit.

I took another deep breath. This had to be the hardest thing I ever did. Even running away from Biggie wasn't as hard as this.

“Biggie got tired of her ---and---and---”

Jaime urged me on, “Go ahead AJ, we are here.”

He had no idea what he was asking for. He was so fucking clueless. I tried to spare them so much but they kept asking for more.

“He fell in love with me,” I stated shaking my head, “And he would come into my room everynight. He took my virginity when I was ten and for years he secretly had an affair with me right underneath my mother's nose.”

Barka and Nima was crying at this point. Jaime was rubbing my arm. Roman had also reached back for my hand but he was sweating with nerves. Neiman was just staring at the planks of the yacht almost like he wanted to disappear in them. Then there was Vice with that cold, judging stare. He made it so easy to tell the story. I welcomed that coldness. It was the warmth that I made me nervous.

“He raped you,” Barka stated between panting.

Her eyes were so swollen up with tears that it caused me to cry a little bit.

“I was so fucked up. You know? I was ten years old and this is where I found love,” I stated and shook my head, “And I was so upset because...because my mother just didn't know for the longest time. And everytime she was around I wanted to scream...Help Me...Help Me. No one was around to here a little boy scream though. And every night he hurt me. It hurt parts of me that I didn't know existed. He tore through me, every night. And she would go to work. And everytime I wanted to open my mouth to scream I couldn't. He'd taken my voice. This was the monster under my bed. He was the one who had cut my father up...”

I didn't want these tears that were coming down. I had cried so much that I realized that not only Nima and Barka were tearing up. Now some of the guys were as well. Truthfully I was the only one whimpering though. I sounded so goddam pathetic. I felt like that little kid a again whimpering in the darkness hoping that someone would come and ask me what was wrong.

Barka shook her head, “We're here...”

Jaime repeated what she said as well but instead he added, “We are here now.”

“What happened to your mother though,” Roman urged on.

There were two tears falling down silently from his cheek. He was trying to make eye contact with me but I couldn't look at him. My tears were salty and it was actually hard to keep my eyes open.

“She found out,” he stated, “And this fool thought she could run away. She was going to call the police. At this point I was a teenager. It had been years and finally she thought she could help. I felt so angry that she did something because my mother was so strong against everyone else but so weak against Biggie. She was so weak. Her feet couldn't even carry her fast enough to the front door before he got her.”
“He killed her.”

I nodded, “I tried to protect her, but he killed her. He said it was an accident. He said now that she was gone me and him could be together forever. He killed her and held me hostage. He became obsessive. I couldn't even speak to men openly. It wasn't until Uncle Jory came that I found a way out.”
I shook my head. That was it. I examined their faces to see if they had gone cold like Vice. Truth was that I didn't know.

“You were old enough, you said you were a teen when he killed your mother,” Vice stated, “How could you let that happen and not doing anything. I don't care how old I am if someone was hurting my mother...”

“You aren't him,” Roman stated, “You couldn't understand.”
Vice wasn't going to let up, “I don't understand? There is a KILLER out there and the person he wants the most is in our house. AJ knows enough to have this guy behind bars! But he isn't! He's still out there.”

Neiman looked like he was shaking when he said, “But he doesn't know where AJ is. AJ left the house.”
“Didn't he say he saw the guy on Captiva Island?”

Roman stood up, “Vice shut the fuck up! It was imagined. You said so yourself that he was making it up.”

Barka hugged herself, “What if that guy really does know though. I don't want to be cut up into pieces.

“He doesn't know. Great Vice, you are scaring everyone.”
I looked around. That definitely seemed to be the case. Jamie who was usually outspoken at times like this seemed quiet as a mouse. I could tell he was thinking and it made me nervous. It usually was Jamie that came to my defense. This must have been really bad. I was surprised Roman was actually going to bat for me.

Nima held her stomach, “This is making me sick.”

Jamie finally spoke staring at me with that same cold look as Vice did, “I think this is making all of us sick.”

There it was. There was that judgmental look. This time it was coming from Jamie. He found me disgusting.

“No,” Nima followed up,” I think this is really making me sick.”

At that moment she ran to the side of the boat and started throwing up. Neiman was the only one who actually got up and went to see if she was ok as she threw up on the side of the boat.

Barka had barely even noticed, “This man is a murderer. I hate to say it...but maybe Vice is right. I mean how many people has this man killed.”

He had killed many. I remembered how he would whisper them to us at the dinner table. Biggie always wanted my mother to know that he was a killer. He wanted to remind us that people had run away from him before but never made it far. He always caught up with them.

I didn't want to worry them any more than I already was.

“All I know for sure is that he murdered my parents. There may be more though.”

Jaime shook his head, “AJ there were better ways you could have went about this then just running away from your problems. I mean, we all know Vice can be a dickhead at times but I must agree as well that he has a point.”

I wasn't arguing with him. They were saying it like I was arguing with him.

“I just don't want to be cut to pieces,” Barka stated.

She had said it in a joking way but I knew that she wasn't joking. Her face looked worried as hell. I could tell they weren't used to this. They hadn't seen murder. They weren't supposed to. This was so beyond anything that they were accustomed to.

I didn't want to put this in their laps. I didn't want to worry them over it.

Jaime gave me another hard look, “Have you even talked to the cops before? Like at all...like about anything?”

I shook my head, “No.”

“God...AJ that was so dumb,” Jaime replied.

“Jaime shut the fuck up,” Roman butt in.

I had never really seen Roman talk to Jaime like that. He usually talked to Vice like that but they were a damn couple so it was normal for them to curse each other out sometimes. Roman never even seemed to be upset with Jaime. They were probably as close as Vice and Nima 'seemed' to have been in the house.

“Roman, c`mon I'm just looking out for the family.”

“He is the family!”

The last remark came from Nima. She and Neiman came walking back from where she had been throwing up. I was even more surprised to hear her speak up. I guess the only reason that stopped her before was because I had made her sick. I wondered if it had anything to do with the baby or maybe just withdrawal not drinking anymore.

“I'm not forgetting that,” Jaime replied, “But dumb is dumb. I can't support a stupid decision. He ran away and came here. I mean at least let the police know especially if you aren't around him anymore.”

“Family supports dumb decisions!” Nima replied, “We aren't the Crystals. We all make mistakes. AJ supported our mistakes. He saved Neiman's life. Hell, if he didn't help me with counseling I probably would have lost my life too.”

“That's you and Neiman. He hasn't done shit for the rest of us,” Vice replied.

“Oh he's done more for you then you fucking know Vice...”

I wondered what Nima was talking about. I wondered if she was talking about me setting Vice and Roman up to be together again or if she was talking about me hiding the fact that Vice was her baby's father. I didn't know. I was scared to really ask.

“Vice doesn't surprise me,” Roman replied, “But Jaime you do right now...”

“Because I can think with my big head instead of my little one like you?” Jaime snapped.

I wasn't sure if it was the liquor that had gotten into Jaime or if he just COMPLETLEY lost his mind. At first I thought I was in the twilight zone. I knew what I had to do and I think Neiman knew as well

BOTH of us jumped at Roman almost immediately to hold him back! We made it just in time too because Roman was about to pounce on Jaime.

“Who the fuck are you talking to!”
“This is crazy. Like this is really crazy right now!” Barka was shouting, “The girls are about to fight, we bout to get hacked to pieces and shit!”
She was not helping.

“You going to hit me?” Jaime stated, “I might as well be a Crystal huh Roman? Hell, the way you looking at me I might as well be a Havok.”

Roman was giving Jaime the death stare. I couldn't say Jaime didn't desrve it. By the way he took a step back, I knew he was still intoxicated from earlier. A part of me hoped he was so intoxicated he wouldnt' remember tonight and hopefully wouldn't remember my confession.

Vice shook his head, “See...this kid is breaking us up.”

He looked over at me.

That was exactly all that I was to Vice and probably all that I'd ever be. I was just someone messing with his status quo. I guess it made sense now why he didn't like me. That one remark had solved long ponderings on why Vice hated me so much.

Roman shook his head, “I'm going to say this and go to sleep. I am not protecting him because I want to fuck him. I'm protecting him because no one else has. You fuckers are forgetting that he was a KID when this happened. That guy has been fucking with his head since he was a kid. Now I'm no psychologist but I'd say its pretty powerful stuff to control an adolescent.”

With that Roman ran off.

I wasn't surprised when Vice ran off after him trying to calm him down. I'm sure they'd make up. Hell they'd probably fuck right on the boat.

I felt like shit. I had managed to cause a rift. It definitely did seem like I had separated the house. Nima was obviously on my side and I assumed so was Neiman but I wasn't completley sure. Then there was Roman on my side as well. Barka, Vice and Jaime were clearly upset and uncomfortable now. All feelings of support had gone out the window. Barka kept talking about getting hacked. Truth is I wished I could comfort her but I couldn't.

I couldn't comfort any of them.

It was as bad as I had said and worse.

If Biggie found out where I was and found out who had been keeping me from him...it'd be hell to pay. I knew that much. I was scared of all of them.

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The night was cold. I was shivering underneath in the bunker room. All the guys were bunked up in the same quarters. The sleeping bunks were close to one another. Neiman was by the door and Jaime was sprawled on closer to me. I was by the window.

In the middle of the floor was Roman and Vice.

They had made up like they always did. I was pretty sure Vice was probably just telling Roman anything he wanted to hear behind the scenes. I wasn't sure but I figured that had to be the case. Either that or Roman just didn't hold on to grudges at all.

I couldn't sleep though.

The chill was coming over me. At first I thought it was from the window but I realized it was just me. I was so upset about what I had told them today. I was so anxious because I was so sure that this may mean I'd be getting kicked out once it got back to Jory. I was the reason his sister was dead. Biggie was in love with me. I was shaking and the comforters weren't helping me.

I had opened my eyes and peered across the room and then I saw Roman. He was looking right back at me. I didn't know how long he had been looking at me. He had his arm wrapped around Vice when he was looking at me. Vice was asleep in his arms.

Roman got up.

He didn't have on a shirt. His muscles were flexing. He had on some white boxer briefs. I could see the imprint of his dick in the boxer breifs. They were tight but pulled down just so that I could see his pubic hairs just a little bit.

I was surprised when he actually stepped over Vice's head and quietly made his way next to me. I was even more surprised when he climbed into the bed with me.

“Here...”

He was offering me his arm.

I could almost melt into him as he allowed me to cuddle up into him. He was so warm. It was almost like he had stolen all the heat.

“You're so warm.”

We were facing each other. Roman's lips were inches away from mine. He body was pressed up against mine so much that I could feel his penis tugged between my legs. It was warm. His breath was cool and inviting against my face. His mouth was calling me without moving. At first I thought it was just me breathing so fast but I realized it wasn't. We were both breathing more and more heavy.

His dick was stiffening between my legs.

I couldn't believe this was happening with Vice probably about four feet away from us.

His hand was moving.

I hadn't realized it was happening until it was actually happening. His hand slid from my back and made it's way to my ass. At first he allowed his hand to grip my ass. Then he started to move it around. His breathing was so heavy. He nudged closer. Our lips were only an inch apart. It was even more sexy that he was holding back his lips though. We were so close that when he licked his lips, his tongue flashed up against my lower lip as well.

His hand made it's way to my hole. My ass was so wet for some reason. It was as though my body was ready for him and inviting him.

He slid his finger slowly into my whole. His mouth got wider and I took a deep breath. He watched me intently as his finger slid deeper in my ass. It was almost as though he was studying my expression.

“Kiss me...” he said.

I didn't hold back. My tongue dove into his mouth relentlessly. He kissed me hard back. He actually grappled me to the bed taking his hands out of my pants and pinning my hands over my head. He shifted his weight so that he was on top of me. He parted between my legs and continued kissing me. I felt like a prisoner and I didn't mind. It was almost like he wanted to control me. My penis shot precum everywhere as he kissed me. I could feel the fluid streaming down my leg.

For a moment I moaned out forgetting where I was.

“Whoa...” a voice said.

We both turned when we heard the voice. Roman hadn't jumped off of me though. He hadn't even removed his lips off of mine. His dick was hard and still pressed up against me.

It was Neiman.

He actually smiled a little bit with a sleepy grin before turning around, “I didn't see anything.”

He covered his head with his pillow.

I breathed deep a sigh of relief. It could have been a lot worse. Even if Jaime would have been the one to wake up it would have been a bad look to be sitting here OBVIOUSLY about to fuck Roman.

Roman just continued to look at me. He didn't move for a minute. His lips were off mine though and he was just staring down at me. He was staring into my eyes. I wondered what he was thinking looking down on me. I was so confused.

“You should probably go back to your man...” I stated.

I don't know how he took it . I don't know how I meant it. Neiman waking up had definitely effected the mood. Roman was still hard though.

He didn't say anything. I didn't know how to feel about that. He just got up and walked back over to the spot he was sleeping next to Vice earlier. He laid next to Vice but didn't put his hand over him. He kept looking at me.

My body temperature had definitely increased. Roman and I played the staring game all night until finally my eyes grew to heavy and I had to let him win.

The next day was awkward as fuck. I was the absolute last one to wake up. I knew it would just be awkward as fuck. I took a bath in the small bathroom on the yacht and made my way to the lounge area where Roman, Neiman and Vice were already drinking.

“Hey,” Neiman stated.

Vice just gave me an awkward smile. Then there was Roman. When I walked past him he just stared at me. It was that same stare. It was that intense stare that he had given me the first time he ever saw me. It was almost as though he was ripping my eyes out with his.

I had never had a more intense stare in all my life.

“Morning,” I told them.

“It's actually like 3 pm,” Jamie stated appearing out of no where, “We actually went fishing. Barka cooked it up and saved you some. We were all kind of worried about you.”

“Really?” I asked.

“Please don't act surprised,” Jaime stated, “Can I talk to you alone?”

I followed Jamie up back into the sleeping quarters. It was like the awkwardness of this day would get no worse. I didn't know what to think about how things were going. Who knew this trip would be so revealing?

As we got into the room I saw Jamie's smile and I had a feeling it wouldn't be a negative talk.

“I just wanted to apologize for yesterday,” Jamie stated, “I already apologized to Roman. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable.”

“I already kind of do.”

Jamie nodded, “And I had a part in that. Honestly Vice has a bad way of going about things but he loves us and that's why he's so negative to you. I know he cares about you somewhere in that shell as well.”

“I strongly doubt it.”

I wanted to roll my eyes at the very notion.

Jamie laughed, “Listen, Roman and Nima dug into me. Even Neiman had some things to say. Still I need to stick with my gut. I think you need to go to the cops about this. If not for you, think about for the next person. He is going to give up trying to look for you sooner or later and then he's going to find his next victim. First he was obsessed with your mother...then you and then it will be someone else...”

“I can't go to the cops. It's too late. I knew and didn't say anything...”

“Roman was right. You were influenced by him since you were a kid. Psychological damage can lead to those helpless feelings...”

“It's too late.”

“Why?”

“I'd have to see him again,” I stated shaking my head, “If I go to the cops, I'll have to testify. I'll have to see him again. I don't ever want to see that man again and god forbid he gets out. No...I'll pass. The nightmare is over.”

Jamie shook his head, “AJ...Father Jory is going to hear about this. I know my father. He will want justice for his sister. If you don't testify he can kick you out of the house. He can blacklist you so none of the Vanitys can communicate with you.”

“He'd cut me off?” I asked.

Jamie nodded, “Yes...”

The idea didn't shock me. I had been dreading the look of Uncle Jory's eyes for the longest time when I told him why his sister really died.

“I have to think about it.”

Jamie walked over to me and rubbed my shoulder, “I'm sure you'll do the right thing.”

With that he left out of the room.

I felt that cold shiver over me again. Why was I strong against everyone but Biggie? They were asking me to do something stupid. My mother was going to the cops. She had finally found her voice and he silenced her forever in return. If Biggie had taught me one thing, he taught me there was no winning when it came to him.

It'd only be a matter of time that he'd find me.

It'd only be a matter of time before I ended up like my mother.

_-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The boat trip was a lot less dramatic. No one brought up Biggie to me. I was sure they talked about it amongst themselves. I realized Jamie and Vice were definitely having a lot of private little conversations. I knew that it was a hot topic but I felt grateful at least that they spared me the details.

It wasn't long before we headed back to the house. I was kind of glad to be off that boat and out of that little space. The others had a good time but I hadn't been comfortable ever since I let them know what happened.

“When we get back to the house you should tell Jory what happened...” Jamie had told me in the car, “He's been wanting to hear what happened to his sister for a long time.”

I shook my head. I hated the thought of even talking to him about it.

“Can we make it back to the house before you start bossing people around?” Roman argued.

“I can't wait to see the old man let him know everything that went on,” Barka barged in.

I rolled my eyes. I was so sure she was going to share her little gossip before I got the chance to talk to Jory one on one. Maybe that was better though.

The last thing I wanted to do was talk to Jory about my mother.

We pulled up to the house.

At first I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. I had been paying attention to Barka who was singing some Beyonce on the radio. She had the most interesting time doing things like that. I just smiled as I watched her.

I hadn't noticed something was off until we got close enough and saw Roman outside of the house. He had beat us back to the house because he was obviously riding his motorcycle as usual. He had parked his motorcycle right outside of the house and was staring in disbelief.

“What...the...fuck...” Jaime stated.

It was clear that something had gone wrong.

The white house that an old ruskin, homely feel had been completely violated. The windows were all broken. Across the wall there was spray painted in heavy red letters 'FUCK VANITY' and then further down there was even more spray paint. The letters were huge. It spelled out 'AJ SUCKED MY DICK' and 'ROMAN IS A PUSSY'.

“Roman calm down,” Barka had stated.

Roman was shaking. He wasn't the only one pissed though. Vice had just appeared too and was pacing back and forth. The entire house had been vandalized.

Nima gasped for air, “Did they get in?”

“Oh god...”

“Where is Father Jory...” Barka stated.