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Chapter 14

Level 2

I woke up the next day to a hand cuddling over me. I hadn't realized that I was naked. How the fuck did this happen? My heart dropped a little bit.

Had I been raped!
My body was so heavy still. I could tell I was so drugged probably from the haze of last night that I couldn't even remember anything. All I remembered was when the cold water had hit me and I had a short conversation with Roman. Everything after that point was completely blank.

My ass hurt. The pain tore through it as I leaned up.

Had I been raped? God I had been raped!

I turned around to see Roman. He was asleep. He was the one who was cuddling me. We were in his room. He still had his brown silk sheets and his room still smelled so homely and welcoming. His face what I was looking at though. He was peaceful.

“You got to be fucking kidding me!”
I hadn't known someone was there.

I turned to the door to see someone had just opened the door. It was Neiman, Jamie and Nima standing there.

Nima was the one who had made the comment. Her mouth had dropped wide open. Her eyes were wired at that point. Jamie had this look on his face. I could tell he wasn't pleased. Next to her Neiman was laughing. He was laughing almost hysterically as the three of them looked down on us.

It was then that Roman got up, “It's not what it looked like.”

He was naked.

I could see his long beautiful dick flop quickly as he rushed to cover himself up. He stood up off the bed and quickly grabbed a pillow to cover.

I had grabbed a sheet quickly my damn self and completely wrapped it around myself. My face went red. I could barely even feel it still. I was still drugged.

Why the fuck was Roman naked? Why the fuck were we laying in the bed cuddled up naked together? I had woken up and my ass was hurting!

Did we just have sex?

Nima shook her head, “Luckily they didn't let Vice out of jail or else this would have been a completely different story.”

“This is not what it looks like,” Roman stated again.

“So why does AJ look like that? Nima asked.

I did have a weird face on. I couldn't help it. I had just woken up with Neiman naked. I had been drugged. I had been seriously drugged. Truth was I didn't know what the hell happened last night. Maybe we did have sex.
“I don't know what happened,” I stated.

“Nothing happened,” Roman stated shaking his head looking more irritated then embarrassed, “I'm telling you guys now that nothing fucking happened.”
Nima shook her head, “I'm not snitching. Don't worry about me.”

Neiman shook his head, “This was bound to happen...”

“Nothing happened,” Roman urged on.

I didn't know how believable he looked though. He was standing there naked in the corner of the room. His abs were crunched. The only thing that stopped him from showing all his goods to his family members was a little throw pillow that was hardly doing a good job. I could still see his toned physique. Roman's body was perfectly chiseled out. A part of me wished I had actually studied it a little more when I had the chance.

He wasn't ashamed. He knew he looked sexy as fuck with pillow or not!

I covered my head in his sheets.

I wanted to disappear. I couldnt' believe the three of them had just caught us. Jamie was not amused by this at all. He hadn't said anything but his expression said it all.

Nima shook her head, “Vice is going to kill himself if he finds out about this. I'm NOT telling though....”

She seemed more amused though then serious. I wasn't worried about her. It was Jamie's reaction that I was worried about. He just kept looking at us.

He was disgusted.

“Is this where you are taking this family?” Jamie asked Roman at that point.

Roman shook his head, “What the fuck are you talking about bro?”

“You or Vice are supposed to be the next leaders of the family. Is this where you are going to have us? You are dating one your BROTHER which is already bad enough but then you want to CHEAT on him with your other brother?”
“Relax...we are not blood. No incest has been commited...”

Jamie wasn't having it. He looked pissed.

“We are FAMILY!. You look like an ass right now. You made an ass of us yesterday in that hospital and you are doing it again. You and Vice have been taking us down forever now and I won't let you.”

I jumped in, “Jamie. Roman said nothing happened. I trust him.”

“Father Jory trusted him too and the fucking MOMENT that Father Jory slips into a coma... Roman wants to stick his dick in his nephew. You could have any boy in the world did you have to have AJ?”

Neiman grabbed Jamie, “Look let's go.”

Jamie was pissed, “AJ, don't get involved with these two, if you are smart. He's going to play you Vice as soon as he gets the chance. He'll never be over Vice.”

“So what you going to run and tell Vice that I fucked AJ?” Roman asked.

He wasn't backing down from Jamie.

There was so much tension between the two. It had started on the boat and now it had continued here. It was clear that Roman was pissed.

“No. You are pathetic,” Jamie stated shaking his head, “And so is Vice. You both deserve each other.”

“Who the fuck are you talking to?”

Roman took a step forward but I guess he remembered he was naked because he stopped. Neiman had actually walked into the room and strategically positioned himself in front of Roman. I probably would have done the same.

Truth was I kind of worried about Jamie as well. He seemed done with keeping the peace. He was clearly pissed now.

I didn't know where this voice was coming from, “Jamie remember what you said. Jory is dying. We are falling apart when we need to stick together the most. You are always the voice of reason.”

“He's NOT!” Roman stated, “He's only wants to portray that. I know what you are doing. He's jealous. He knows if Vice isn't going to be Jory successor then it will be me. If not me then probably Barka. Hell it'll probably even be AJ. The only person it won't be is YOU.”

“You think I want money?” Jamie asked.

This was getting way out of control.

“Or maybe you want AJ...” Roman stated shaking his head.

I turned over to Roman confused, “What do I have to do with it?”

Roman shook his head, “He used to be obsessed with you. He thought you were so sexy when you first came to the house but he wouldn't hit on you because he was scared of Jory. Then when he got some balls, that XO Crystal and you were basically dating. Now XO lost his chance and Jamie is probably just upset again that you liked me.”

“Are you KIDDING me?” Nima asked.

“Yeah, when AJ said he wanted to fuck me instead of Jamie on the boat, you should have saw his face,” Roman asked, “Deny it Jamie.”

“This has nothing to do with him,” Jamie stated, “Yeah I admit that I used to like AJ but he was a new face. I have no emotional feelings towards AJ. I'm not competing in your little sick twisted love triangle. That is you and Vice. As soon as AJ became my brother...he BECAME MY BROTHER.”

I shook my head.

This wasn't getting anywhere.

I hadn't known Jamie to argue this much but by the vein sticking out in his neck I could tell he was just as mad as Roman was. Jamie was no scared Lombardi Crystal. He was a peacemaker but I had seen him in the club. He would probably hold his own.

“Whatever. If it isn't for AJ, its for the succession. Or maybe its cause I look better than you. Or maybe because you and Lombardi can't be happy. Whatever the reason you are taking your frustrations out on me.”

“Fuck you bro.”

“Fuck you too.”

It was the only thing they agreed on and just at that moment Jamie threw something over at Roman and all of a sudden World War III just broke out.

Roman had completely forgotten he was naked and threw a punch at Jamie. He connected. Jamie wasn't just sitting around though. He was throwing punches right back and the two had fallen on the floor. I wrapped my blanket around me to join Neiman in trying to break them up. This was ridiculous.

Jamie had somehow gotten Roman in a headlock. I was surprised thinking he had Roman beat but Roman was piling punches into his sides harder than I had even known.

Neiman and I tried to pull them off of each other and finally succeeded when Jamie lost his balance. Roman was going to hop right on him but I managed to grapple him and use my weight to keep him tied up on the ground.

I hadn't even noticed Roman was naked.

What was worse was when I realized that I had Roman naked on the ground my own dick started getting hard underneath the blanket that I had wrapped around my waist.

Neiman had managed to pull him out of the room and Nima followed behind them locking the door.

“Are you calm?” I asked Roman.

He took a few breaths but he wasn't struggling to get from underneath me.

“You calm?” I asked again.

I could hear him breathing heavy.

“I never laid my hands on family,” he stated, “Besides the stupid fights Vice and I had. I never laid my hands on family.”

I could tell he was hurt.

I let him up and he quickly grabbed a towel from the dresser. He slowly wrapped it around his waist and I looked away. I didn't know what to say and truthfully I thought maybe he didn't even want to talk about it. I was surprised when Roman walked over to me and sat next to me on the bed.

“What is going on?” I asked.

He shrugged his shoulders, “I don't know. I feel like he's pissed about what I did to Lombardi kicking him yesterday.”

“I'm not talking about with Jamie,” I stated shaking my head, “I'm talking about what's going on with you. Yesterday you are attacking people in front of cops and shooting guns in public. Today you are fighting with a guy that you were basically best friends with.”

He sighed again.

I could tell it weighed heavily on him that he just had a fight with Jamie. I wondered if Jamie was thinking the same thing. Jamie had looked seriously disgusted when he saw me and Roman in bed together.

He shook his head and shrugged, “I don't fucking know man...”

“You can tell me.”

“I'm angry,” he replied, “Is that what you want to hear? I'm angry...”

“I know. Can I do anything to calm you down. I don't want to see you go over the edge.”
“It's too late...”

“Roman...”

“It's too fucking late. Can we drop it?”

I got up off the bed. He was definitely angry. He was angry at everyone. I didn't blame him. They all were reacting to Jory in the hospital in a different way. It was becoming clearer to them that they wouldn't have a father and they had no idea how to deal with it.

I didn't want to enrage him any more though.

“I'll leave,” I stated but then stopped, “Roman...did we have sex?”

He smiled.

Then he laughed a ltitle bit.

“Honestly no,” he replied, “I have way too much respect for you for that. I mean you were drugged up and you tried. You basically ripped me out of my clothes. I had to pin you down to stop you. We just kind of fell asleep like that.”

I didn't know how to feel.

Should I have felt happy because we didn't have sex or disappointed because he actually had gone out of his way to physically stop us from having sex. It was a weird feeling.

“So why didn't you tell them what happened to me.”

“Oh that...”

“I mean tt would definitely have clear edup the miscommunication about I don't remember anything and why I was naked in your bed.”

He shook his head, “I didn't think you would want people to know that. It's really embarrassing. I wish I could have protected you more. I couldn't imagine that happening to me. I don't know. Do you want me to tell them.”

I shook my head, “No...thanks Roman.”

Dinner was strange that night. I had gotten down to realize that Roman was still in his room. He refused to come out at all. I thought it was wise though because there was so much tension with him and Jamie. Vice wasn't there either. Barka, Neiman and Nima were there though.

What was even worse was when Barka walked in late with bags of cold chinese food in her hands.

“I'm sorry my babies,” she said, “I was with Father Neiman all day. I just came back to get some dinner and a change of clothes. I'm heading right back.”

Nima shook her head, “I'll go with you. I need to see him.”

“Is he doing any better?”

Barka shook her head, “The Dr. say that he can go any minute now. It could be in a few hours or it could be a few weeks. They are doing all that they can. We don't now.”

Her eyes were worse. It was as though she had been crying all day or something. I remembered how she looked in the hospital. Her cheerful energetic spirit had been ripped out of her. She could have cared less now about getting news. All the bs that had been happening didn't even move her. She barely even noticed the fight in the hospital. All she cared about was Jory.

Jamie shook his head, “I called Jory's pastor...he is probably down there now. He just wanted to pray over Jory and make sure he is doing alright.”

Neiman shook his head, “Is there anything we can do?”

“I just need us to worry about getting Vice out of jail. What's going on with that?”

Nima rolled her eyes. It was clear she had something to say but it was also clear that she was holding back. There was an awkwardness and I could tell it was something I didn't know.

“Lombardi wants to press charges,” Neiman stated, “He says Vice broke his nose.”

“Are you kidding me?” I asked.

“That's exactly what I said,” Nima replied.

I shook my head. I didn't like Vice did NOT break that boy's nose. The boy was barely bleeding from it when we were at the hospital. What the hell was he talking about? I looked at the chinese food underneath me.

I put my spoon down. I was slowly losing my appetitite.

Nima shook her head, “Ain't you going to do something Jamie? Your little bitch is getting out of control.”

Jamie put his fork down too.

It was clear we were all slowly losing our appetitites.

“He's not my bitch first off and second off they attacked him. Did they not? Jory would go hard if he knew how his sons were acting like animals yesterday.”

“Jamie I agree. It was out of line,” I stated, “Still I'd hate to see someone rot in jail for defending their family. If he got convicted he could spend a lot of time.”

“Do you even care Jamie?” Nima asked.

Jamie paused. He had bags underneath his eyes. I thought it was from the fight but then I realized that Jamie probably hadn't been getting any sleep. I felt bad for him really. For some reason everyone turned to Jamie in the time of crisis. He was the “voice of reason” but the fight upstairs showed he clearly was losing his reason. He had threw something at Roman.

“What do you want me to do?” Jamie asked,” I tried calling Lombardi. He isn't picking my calls. Why is it now on ME because my brothers want to act like that?”

“Jamie, hunny eat your food,” Barka darted in, “You too AJ. Ya are getting skinny over this stress. I already am visiting one person in the hospital.”

I picked up my fork but only so Jamie would pick up his fork. I was worried about Jamie. He was stressing out. It was clear that he was losing his mind really with all this stress.

I had to say something yet again.

“We have these group conversations but they always end up with someone fighting, arguing or someone getting arrested,” I stated shaking my hands, “Maybe we need to change the way we communicate with each other.”

They were quiet.

“I'm the only normal one,” Nima stated.

There was laughter. Everyone laughed but Jamie. It was clear he was stressing. He put his fork down again.

He shook his head, “I'm going to have a talk with the lawyer for Neiman. First thing tomorrow morning I'm going to call up Jory's insurance make sure every thing is in place for his death. I'm going to talk to Roman about the fight. I'll apologize. I already started getting quotes on the repairmen down the street to start making repairs on the vandalism to the house. I'll get everything back to normal. I'll hold a prayer group tomorrow with Jory's church members. I'm going to ---”

“Whoa...you won't be doing anything,” I jumped in.

“What?”

“Neiman can handle Vice's legal stuff. Jamie tell Nima how she can handle Jory's medical stuff so SHE can take care of that. Right?”

Nima nodded, “You know I never miss an episode of Grey's anatomy.”

I rolled my eyes, “Neiman will handle Jory's medical stuff as well. Nima can probably just call around and get some quotes on how much it will cost to fix the house and get it repainted. It'll be expensive though. Who has access to Jory's accounts?”

“Vice and Roman...” Jamie stated.

That made no sense. Jamie was the most responsible one.

“I'll talk to Roman and make sure that the two of you are cool and make sure he doesn't do anything else crazy. I'll have him give you access to the bank accounts too.

“What about me?” Barka asked.

“You've been doing the most important job. You been with Uncle Jory. You can start getting Jory's church together and hold that prayer meeting. We are a family. It's about time we start taking on responsibility and stop pushing everything off on Jamie.”

Jamie put his head on the table. He was covering his face, “Ya'll will just fuck it up.”

Barka shook her head, “This is exactly how Father Jory used to be. He was the biggest worrier. Jamie you are definitely Jory's son. I don't care what people say. It has to be blood. Jamie, let me tell you hunny, your birth mother liked faggots.”

Everyone laughed.

I looked over at Jamie studying his face. I was looking for some sort of smile.

When he lifted his head up I saw the slightest bit of a smile.

“That's the biggest compliment a drag queen has ever given me,” Jamie finally smiled.

“You know the drags love you too. Everytime I bring you and Roman around those bitches get wet in their panties.”

The rest of the dinner ended up going relatively well. We tried not to talk about the fight that happened earlier with Jamie and Roman. There was obviously still a lot of tension. My concern was just getting Jamie to realize that he wasn't superman. I could see that he was coming close to breaking down.

Barka and Nima left the dinner early leaving Jamie, Roman and I. We were sitting around washing dishes. It wasn't long before Neiman started teasing me about what happened upstairs and I knew he would.

I grabbed Jamie, “Have you slept?”

“Honestly...”

“Yes of course honestly.”

He shook his head.

“Go get some sleep. Seriously. We will take care of everything and when you are fully re-energized you can be the control freak that you are.”

He gave me a hug. It was quick hug but it was unexpected and it made me smile.

“About what Roman stated earlier...I'm not jealous you are giving him attention.”

“I know you have Lombardi.”

He laughed, “I HAD him. Past tense.”

“No you still have him,” I replied shaking my head, “That kid still loves you...”

He sighed a little and smiled, “I think Roman may like you too...”

“You think?” Neiman barged in.

I shot him an eye. He knew a little more of the history between Neiman and I than anyone else. He had seen our chemistry on the boat. He probably was the last surprised that something went down.

Jamie laughed a little bit stopped, “Honestly, I love Roman. He's my brother. But be careful. I wasn't lying when I said he'll go back to Vice. You don't want to be involved in that. He ALWAYS goes back to Vice.”

I shook my head. Hew as being protective.

“Get back to sleep and stop thinking for awhile.”

He nodded and gave me another hug before leaving. He seemed happy to be being relieved of duty though and I could tell the pep in his step already as he played with Neiman's hair before he left.

I could tell by Neiman's stare that he was only waiting for Jamie to walk out of the room. He looked back over at me with this weird smile.

“So...”

“Shut up,” I laughed.

He rolled my eyes, “That was interesting. I am not going to lie I knew that Jamie had a thing for you when you first got here but I always rooted for you and Roman so I never told you.”

“You are sneaky. Jamie never even hinted about it. I think he's over it. He's got Lombardi. They are definitely still in love.”

“True,” he laughed, “Him and Lombardi have history. He had the hots for you at one point though and he definitely let Roman know about it. I think Roman was fighting for you for sure. You can't lie though. Tell me...how does it feel to have naked, sweaty guy throwing punches over you.”

I laughed.

Neiman had definitely become a lot more talkative when it was just him and I. Truth was I liked knowing that he was more comfortable around me than anyone else in the house.

I felt like I had a special bond with him. If I could talk to him about Roman I could talk to him about anything.

I threw a dish rag at him which hit him dead in his face, “It was not over me!”

He threw some soap back, “Tell Roman that. Plus it wasn't the question.”

“Ok, ok, it was hot. I think I nutted on myself when I holding Roman back,” I stated shaking my head, “And trust me Jamie is not bad looking at all.”

He laughed.

“Don't let Roman hear you say that?”

“Roman has Vice.”

“Yeah...but from what I seen this morning. Not long.”

I shook my head, “Whatever. We didn't have sex yesterday.”

I could tell by the look on Neiman's face that he wasn't even close to believing it. He crossed his eyes in the weirdest way shaking his blond hair a little bit making him look even more like a goth, skater boy, hipster than he usually did.

“Sure...you didn't have sex with Roman and Barka isn't a real woman...”

“I didn't I promise.”

“Pft.”

He walked away and I just laughed. Truth was though no one was going to believe us. We might as well have had sex. We were living with the guilt from it. At that point in that kitchen I had made up my mind. The cat was already out of the bag.

I was going to make my move on Roman.

It was night time. I had waited until I heard Roman's motorcycle. I wasn't sure exactly what I was doing. All I knew was that we were going to be as alone in the house as we would get. It was no doubt that Jamie was going to be knocked out from getting his well needed rest. Vice was still locked up. Nima and Barka would be spending the night with Uncle Jory at the hospital. Then there we Neiman and Neiman knew what it was hitting for with me and Roman.

“Aren't you cold?”

When Roman asked the question I almost fainted. It was not the expression I was hoping for when I showed up in his bedroom oiled up in baby oil with nothing on but some skin tight knee length biker shorts.

The front was draw string and I had loosened it up so you could only see my pubic hair. I had done crunches for the past two hours just so I could have the perfect v.

I had shaved my face. I sprayed myself with some Polo Sport with a hint of Egyptian Musk.

“No I'm actually a little hot,” I said embarrassed as he looked over at me.

He had his shirt off like usual but had on some basketball shorts and some white socks. He didn't even look at me twice. He was concentrating on hanging up some papers.

“What are they?” I asked.

I had been examining him though in his basketball shorts. They were loose but fit him so perfectly curving around his butt. When I asked the question he turned around and I could see Roman's flawless smile. He always smiled at me and gave me that deep look.

“They are all the Father's day cards I've given Jory over the years,” he stated shaking his head, “I”m going to collect them all and take them down. The Doctor said he may be in their for awhile. I haven't given up hope though. Jory has survived this long.”
I smiled.

“There is always hope.”

He turned to me, “I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like he's already dead. Do you have good memories of your dad before...that thing happened.”

This was not exactly the topic I wanted to be talking about when I had come in to seduce him. I could feel all my raging hormones slip away though and I found myself getting comfortable on Roman's bed before long.

It wasn't long before he climbed in the bed with me. He was sitting on the other side of the bed though close to the edge.

“My mom talked about him so often that I felt like sometimes I knew him more than I possibly really could have remembered. I was young when it happened.”

“Jory wanted to protect you. I remember the year that you didn't come he panicked. He wanted us to go up there and kidnap you. It was the first time that I saw Jory act out of character. Truthfully I was down for it.”

“What stopped you?”

“Jamie of course. You know that wouldn't have been politically correct enough for him.”

We laughed.

“I would have liked you kidnapping me.”

He shook his head, “I got some handcuffs in the drawer. It's not too late.”

Was he flirting with me? He laughed though probably not noticing just how sexual he actually sounded. I let it go though as nothing and changed the subject.

I HAD TO ASK HIM.

“So we never really got a chance to talk about what happened on the boat?”

“You mean the kiss.”

I actually hadn't been thinking about the kiss. I had just actually been thinking about his little comment that he would have preferred me over Vice.

This was better though. This was a lot more open ended.

“Yeah,” I lied.

“So what do you want to know?”

“Why'd you do it?”

“I kissed you first?” he laughed, “Oh. I can't remember. I thought you kissed me first.”

I shook my head, “Does it matter?”

“Yeah. I mean if you kissed me first I could have asked you the same question.”

“So ask.”

“Why'd you kiss me?” he asked.

“Because I like you,” I replied bluntly, “I really like you and I like you since I came here. And we been flirting forever and I been too bitch-made to say anything straight to your face.”

He laughed.

“I'm glad you find this funny,” I said my face fading to black.

He shook his head, “No its just weird that's all. I mean I really have always known to what to say to everything. I always had the smart little things to say. It's just I'm used to shutting people down. You know? There have been countless guys that probably said the same thing to me that you just said. They just are so into me since they first met me. They just like me so much. And I shut them down. I always know EXACTLY how to shut someone down. But now I'm just lost for words.”

I wasn't amused.

I just let him talk and then let the silence take over.

“What are you saying?” I finally asked, “Are you thinking of a way to shut me down?”

“No,” he replied, “It's just like I haven't been prepared NOT to shut someone down before. I even shut down Vice but he was so damn persistent when we first met. After a hundred times trying to get with me I thought he was the one because he kept trying. I thought no one who put so much effort into trying to win over someone would fuck it up. But he did. Over and over again. Now its just like I don't know how to let someone like me and how to actually like them back.”

“So you like me back?” I asked.

He laughed a little bit, “I do. Is that weird to you?”

“No...no,” I laughed.

He had been beating around the bush so much that my palms were sweating. I wouldn't have known how to take rejection from him. I wouldn't have been able to deal with it. I was still nervous though still feeling there would be some huge “BUT” part of this.

Instead he was just sitting there waiting for me to say something first.

“So I mean,” I asked feeling kind of anxious, “What does this mean?”

“I don't know,” he said, “I was COMPLETELY prepared to keep flirting with you and holding back everything until we both burst. I am kind of embarrassed now because I thought you were on the same page.”

“So you just weren't going to act on how you were feeling.”
“I haven't had the time to figure out what to do because I knew it would lead to this moment. I like you. You like me. So given our circumstances what do we do?”

“I assume we start dating.”

He smiled, “I would love to date you.”

“Well you already have a guy.”

“I realize that. You knew that and I knew that once we started looking at each other the way we do. So what should I do?

“Get rid of Vice.”

“Done.”

“What?” I asked wrinkling my face feeling like I was on some sort of episode of Punk'd or something.

“I'll break it off with him as soon as he gets back,” he stated, “I'll tell him what I want...and who I want...”

I had expected some sort of push back honestly. I was confused now more than ever. He was honest. He was looking at me. The was no huge drawback.

“I mean you can't just break up with him,” I stated, “He's going to go nuts. Are we talking about the same Vice? If he knows you broke up with him, he'll probably kill us both. We can't have this drama now...especially with Jory.”

He shook his head, “See this is exactly why I was hesitating on letting you know how I felt. I didn't know what to do next. If the question is am I willing to cut Vice off for you then the answer is hell yes. But are you cool with that...”

“Not...not now. It's be crazy.”

“So then what do we do,” he asked me.

I felt like this was some sort of mind trap. Why come I wasn't happy? The dude I liked just todl me he felt the same way. Not only that but he said he was more than willing to cut off the person he was talking to so that he can be with me.

“I don't know...”

“Now you understand where I'm coming from. When I look at you the way I look at you and yet I'm confused because I don't know what to do. We aren't just two people. We are two people in a family and we have a responsibility to that family. I didn't do anything. I was completely prepared to just flirt with you forever. I'm so taken back by you saying what you said. Now everything's out in the open. We started the game but we don't know how to get to level 2...”

“I'm...I'm sorry.”

I walked out defeated. He was right. I had been so dumb. I wanted him more than anything but my timing was retarded. Jory was dying and the rest of us were unstable. I was an idiot for coming at him at a time like this. Now I felt stupid.

What's worse than someone else making you look stupid is when someone else makes you realize that you just made yourself look stupid.