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Loveless Bunch

“I already called the cops Havok.”

The warning had come from the bartender Irma. She was behind the bar and had that look in her eyes. I didn't know what that look was about.

“Bitch,” I heard a couple of the guys say.

They walked out though, knocking over chairs and ketchup bottles as they did. Rook was the last one. Him and Roman just stared each other down. It was so personal between them. At that moment I could have sworn that if the guys Rook were with didn't walk out first he wouldn't have left. He didn't seem to care about the cops. He was worried about Roman.

“I'll be seeing you around.”

“Not if I see you first,” Roman replied.

Rook only laughed at the comeback. I didn't get it. Had I missed something?

Roman looked back at Irma, “Thanks Irma...”

“You need to be careful around these parts Roman. It's not only the Havoks you need to worry about. You know that right? The Crystal family came around looking for trouble with your brother just the other day. Luckily we got him out.”

Roman looked at me. He had that face on that stated. Yeah, I owe you an explanation. I didn't get it though. He thanked Irma again and I told her that I would see her tomorrow to start work. She seemed nice when we left. She wasn't talkative or annoying like I thought most bartenders were. She didn't seem to judge me even when she stared at me as I left. She sighed a lot at Roman before we left though and started calling him trouble. I think she even warned me to be careful but before I could get out what she meant by that Roman scuffled me away.

We ended up walking out into the town. He was walking close to me. I was just quiet though. I was really trying to put my head around what happened back there.

“So...that guy was the guy that Vice cheated on me with?”

“Vice cheated...on YOU?”

I couldn't believe it. Vice was good looking. He wasn't nothing extremely fancy or beautiful though. Of the other Vanities I met,Vice was the plainest looking. Neiman probably was a hit for girls (or guys) who liked surfer guys and Jaime had that perfect GQ swag about him. Vice didn't strike me as a heartthrob. Only thing he really had was his height.

How could HE cheat on Roman?

“I had asked Vice to marry me. We were really going to do it too. I think it was the day before we were going to fly out to Canada but I couldn't find him. Luckily Barka is the talk of the town and knows everything before anyone else. We found him over that Rook Havok's house.”

“Did you catch him cheating?”

“It was worse. The whole house of Havok was riding a train on him. I think I puked all over the floor. You ever had your heart broken? That shit hurts...”

He was serious and for the first time since I met him I seemed to see a soul. He seemed to get sensitive when he talked about Vice and I didn't want to stay on the subject. I didn't like seeing him sad. It was like seeing a unicorn without a horn. He just was becoming someone else completley.

“I thought Vanity was the only house.”

“No. There's tons. Some bigger than others. There are about 5 on Captiva Island still active though. Up north they are involved in something called the ballroom scene. That doesn't exist down here in Captiva Island though. Down here a house is your gay family. The Havoks though, hell, they are more like a gang than anything.”

A gang?

I shook my head in disbelief. I thought queers were supposed to be friendly. I knew nothing about gay people except what I had learned from Biggie.

“So are you guys fighting over Vice?”

He laughed. He actually rolled over that one. By now we had made it back to his bike. As he was laughing he was helping me sit on the bike and put my helmet on . I must have really tickled something there.

“No...no...trust me it goes a lot deeper than that. A lot of people in the other houses hate us. Some act like their still friends with us, but for the most part they hate us. Some, like the Havoks and Crystals show it outright. The other two houses are the Giselles and the Dragons. Those are the bigger houses and they let anyone in so they aren't really too family based. Some members of the Giselles and Dragons like us, some hate us it depends who you meet. Everyone at that party yesterday were from those two houses.”

“Really, thats a lot more members than Vanity.”

“Yeah they are huge, but like I said they are all numbers. They aren't a strong unit. The Havoks are friggin' thugs. The Crystals is the only real family out here.”

“Why do they all hate the Vanities?”
He didn't answer, “You'll learn sooner or later. I'm not going to to be the bearer of bad news. Uncle Jory said if you ever came to keep you out of the drama.”

I dug a little more trying to convince him but he wouldn't budge. It was so weird. I was going to be around these people so I figured I should at least have the audacity to know what was going to be going on.

We got back to the house and the maid took my coat. I still hadn't gotten her name. Roman had even said it when we walked past but it was such a foreign name that I still couldn't understand it. All the maids in this damn house were foreign and exotic. I had no idea what any of them were saying when they spoke to me and they seemed to want to speak to me often.

Roman had completely abandoned me but I followed him and noticed that dinner had already still started by the amount of people at the table.

“AJ, sit over here by me!”

It was Barka who had called out my name. I looked around the table to see Jaime, Vice and now Roman sitting on one end. Barka was sitting at the head of the table and there was an empty chair next to her which was also across from Vice.

I sat in that chair and looked to my right to see Neiman. His head was down in his food. He hadn't even looked in when we walked in. Nima had looked over at me though. Her eyes were following me the whole time.

“Where's is Uncle Jory?” I asked.

Vice shook his head, “Our father couldn't make it. He wasn't feeling well.”
I looked over at the food in front of us. It was steak. They looked pretty good.

“I made it,” Barka stated, “I'm the best cook. Jaime tell him I'm the best cook.”

Jaime stared at me from across the table, “She's the best cook AJ. Besides Mother Crystal. I heard she threw down in the kitchen.”
“To hell with Mother Crystal, that old drag queen. Gay pride last year she almost burned down the whole damn tent.”

Jaime, Vice, Nima and Roman laughed. Neiman just sat there still completely quiet and still uncomfortable as hell. We sat there for a while listening to Barka talk some more trash about this person named Mother Crystal. For the most part everyone besides me and Neiman seemed to be eating it up. I didn't know the person they were talking about and Neiman just didn't seem to be listening.

I did notice however the whole time that Vice had his eyes on me after every laugh.

“So where'd you go today AJ?” Vice asked, cutting Barka off between one of her rants.

She didn't say anything though.

When he asked the quesiton everyone got kind of silent. Everyone's face was in their dinner besides Nima who was looking at me smiling in a way.

“He went out to look for a job,” Roman stated before I got any words out, “I took him.”

“I was talking to him...”

Roman rolled his eyes. I could tell there was definitely some sort of tension between the two of them. I wondered if it was weird for everyone else. How did people live with their exes?

I shrugged my shoulders, “I mean he already answered the question.”

“Ooo he's got bite,” Nima stated.

' She was eating all this up. I also realized how quickly she was swimming through the wine bottle in front of her. I had just sat at the table and she was already on her third glass.

“I didn't ask him that question though,” Vice stated, “I asked WHERE he went, not WHAT he was doing. There was clear difference. Am I wrong? Nima, you want to get your carpet munching tongue out of that drink and answer me?”

“Oh god, another blow up,” she shook her head.

“Yeah, Nima stay the fuck out of this, you drunken bitch.”

Jaime all of a sudden shook the table, “Whoa Vice come on now. You can't keep talking to people like that. That is your sister.”

“Who happens to also be a drunken bitch. As if we don't got enough crap after the accident, this chick is getting all wasted in front the other Houses. We used to run this fucking island and now look at us. Look at her...”

Vice was pissed. Once again I felt like someone who had just stepped into a room with a history that I had no idea about. It was interesting though. I had to give it that. I looked over to see Nima look like she was about to burst. Vice was way out of line but I didn't like this girl's attitude at all. I had to admit I was kind of amused that he put her in her place

“You see how he treats me!” She stated getting up crying at the top of lungs, “You see how he teach me. Barka! Father Jory!”

Barka pulled a napkin off the table and passed it to Nima. Nima didn't even get up from the table before she blew her nose right there in front of all of us. I couldn't believe it. I watched Neiman drop his fork and all I couldn't help but do the same thing right after he did. I think everyone actually dropped their fork besides Roman. He went on eating, rolling his eyes.

“Vice it's enough. You know how she is...”

I even knew how she was by just meeting her for this short amount of time. This girl Nima was a hot mess. That is what she was. She blew hard into the tissue.

“C`mon, are you kidding? Nima we are in a mansion.”

“You can't bring trash into nice places. You just can't do it,” Vice shook his head.

It had really confused me too. If these people had been living with Uncle Jory for so long in this nice place you would think they'd have a little bit of class. I was definitely Team Vice during this entire argument. If I could find some I would probably hold up a sign and root him on. Nima was so annoying. She looked the part of a gracious uptown girl, but obviously she showed me twice she wasn't. This morning she was a drunken mess on the couch and now she was blowing her nose at a dinner table.

At that point Nima was sniffling so hard I could barely understand her. “He's just...snff snff...upset cause Roman finally noticed another...snff... boy exists in the world besides him.”

“Oh lawd....” Barka said raising her hands as though going into prayer.

I knew why she acted like that too. I could see the look on Vice's face. His eyes had gotten real wide and a wicked smile crossed them. The way his eyes glared at me now was certain. I was no longer Team Vice. Team Vice didn't want me.

“Is that what it is?” Vice stated looking over at me, “The drunk bitch is probably right.”

At that moment Vice got up from the table.

He walked out. What was even weirder was what happened next. It took me completely by surprise. It was Roman who got up off the table and actually took off after Vice. It surprised the hell out of me. Why would he be concerned about a remark about his status with another guy? Why would Roman feel the need to run after him?

“Great dinner,” Neiman stated.

It was the only thing he had said so far before he pulled out his Ipod from his pocket and started listening to him. He was being sarcastic as hell. I could just tell that he wanted nothing to do with these Vanities by the way he just got up and left. Hell, the way I was thinking about it, he was the only one around these parts that actually made any sense.

Nima was still crying and it was actually Jaime who took her into the next room and I could hear him patting her back trying to comfort her. So Roman was comforting Vice. Jaime was comforting Nima. Neiman just didn't give a damn.

It just left Barka and I.

“Help me clean up hunny.”

Before long as I helped her clean up I realized relatively quickly that Barka had no problems at all discussing things Jaime and Roman weren't so open to talk about. Before long she was spilling all the details that I just didn't understand.

“Don't take it personal between Vice and Roman,” she stated, “They have been on again off again forever. Right now you just caught them when they are off but next week or the week after they'll be back on again...”

“Oh...”

I picked up a few dishes. Roman had failed to mention that he took Vice back after he had cheated.

“Yeah, Roman is so in love with him. It's weird. Vice will treat that boy like shit, he'll cheat on him a thousand times but something keeps Roman around. He puts on a tough act but I'll say it's low self-esteem.”

“Oh please, have you seen Roman?”

Barka opened her mouth and touched me by the arm. Her hands were warm. I could hear the gossip thick on her lips. Her southern accent was so strong. She must have been from some hick village somewhere in the deep south but it was so charming.

“Oh darling, trust me when I say this, looks doesn't mean confidence. I've seen the ugliest people think they were the most beautiful and I've seen the most beautiful people think they were the ugliest. Especially with us...”

“The Vanities?”

“No the gays darling,” she replied smoothly, “Roman thinks Vice loves him. Vice don't love him. He's just like the rest of us. We are such an loveless bunch, wandering the world blind because we really don't know what love should be like. Those happy people on tv don't act like us. They don't look like us. We are the ones who want the same devices and instruments. Our opposites don't attract. We whither into ourselves. We keep adding on sorrow after sorrow and losing everything else. So we end up loveless. You hear me? A loveless bunch. Father Jory the one who taught us we can love but these young ones haven't learned what he has to teach yet.”

She kept talking and some things she just went on and blabbered about. Some things she said stuck with me and some things she said went right over my head.

I had went to sleep that night thinking about some things she did say though. Jaime had walked up to apologize. He was always the gentleman. I knew he was embarrassed. He dealt with it by apologizing while Neiman dealt with his embarrassment by ignoring it.

We keep adding on sorrow after sorrow and losing everything else. So we end up loveless. You hear me? A loveless bunch.

I remembered my own twisted idea of love. I had kept it buried in me for no one to see. I wouldn't let that part out. I wouldn't want to let that burn.

The next day I woke up to searching for Roman. When I got downstairs I saw that Nima had passed out again and this time she had passed out on the front steps. There was a bucket beside her but no one bothered to move her. The maids didn't even wake her. They just stepped right over her head like she didn't exist. I figured they were just all going to ignore her obvious drinking issues and to be sure I didn't think it was in my place to address it either.

I got downstairs to see Neiman. He was in the kitchen with orange juice in his hand.

“Hey,” I stated.

He just gave me a nod. He didn't say anything else.

I continued on figuring that was his idea of conversation, “Have you seen Roman?”

“He's downstairs in the gym?”

“We have a gym?”

He laughed as though I asked a funny question, “I'll show you.”
I was surprised he was putting himself out to even do that. Neiman hadn't been aggressive like Vice or rude like his twin but he wasn't on the welcoming side like Jaime and Barka either. He had rode the fine line in the middle where I couldn't tell if this guy liked me or hated me or just didn't care about me at all.

“You hear from Father Jory?” he asked.

“No...the same thing from last night where he was took sick to down ...why?”

He didn't answer. He just continued to walk down the steps with me trailing right behind him. I wondered what he was thinking but I didn't ask.

We had a staircase from the kitchen that led down several steps. He turned on the light on the staircases and we as we descended the room had the faint yet conclusive odor of sweat. When we got down the steps I saw that Roman was there. He was boxing. He had gloves on and was hitting a huge strength bag with his hands. I could see the strength and power he packed into each punch. He was definitely being angry and definitely being aggressive.

I turned to thank Neiman but he was already gone.

As I made my way over to Roman he didn't stop boxing. He just kept going as though I wasn't even there.

“Hey, I thought you were taking me to work,”

“Not a good idea.”

“What?”

“Not a good idea,” he replied, “You saw what happened yesterday. People don't like the Vanities right now. Until things die down with all the hostility, it's best that things just stay cool.”

“Are those Vice's rules or yours?”

I knew I had struck a cord.

He stopped boxing and the look he gave me was not friendly at all, “I don't do rules kid. I made that decision on my own. If you want someone else to take you down to the shore go ask them, but no one else will.”

“I thought you were Roman Badass.”

He rolled his eyes, “Kid are you done yet? You are a little annoying.”

Annoying.

It caught me back.

“I'll leave you alone.”

Vice had definitely gotten to him. I could tell now. I wondered what Vice had said to him. I could tell Barka was definitely right about the fact that Roman was head over heels for this guy. I could tell by how he got up at the table yesterday and chased him down.

What I was even more surprised though is that Roman actually chased me down at this very moment. He had grabbed me. He was sweating a lot but he didn't stink. By the time he had grabbed me he was actually really close to me.

“Look I'm going through a lot right now. The old man being sick...Vice being...well being Vice....hell I don't know why I'm talking to you about this. You don't care...”

“I care. It's supposed to be family right?”
I didn't know how much I believed when I said that and for a moment I wondered whose words were coming out of my mouth. Maybe because it was something that I wanted to believe in. The idea and the concept of family was something so unknown to me. I wanted to explore it.

“I thought you weren't a Vanity.”

“I mean Uncle Jory hasn't asked me to take on the name.”

“Oh he wants you to be a Vanity,” he replied, “For sure. Trust me. He wouldn't have invited you in this house otherwise. Why do you think all the tension was in the house when you came. It's a lot of talk he was going to make you Father Vanity after he died. Usually that talk was coming from Barka and you know she knows everything. Vice and I are the closest with Father Jory. I guess we should feel entitled to the inheritance. Everything would be in the next owners name. The others think me and Vice hate you for it.”

Inheritance?

I strongly doubted Barka got this information wrong. Uncle Jory hadn't said but a handful of words to me since I got here. He barely knew I existed. I was sure he wouldn't be leaving me a drop of spit let alone his mansion and life's work.

“Is he right?”

“Huh?”

“Is he right about the two of you hating me?”

Roman shrugged his shoulders, “I guess he's half right. Vice definitely feels entitled. I don't hate you at all. You actually interest me?”

“Interest you?”

I laughed at his use of words. He laughed it too. I could have taken that so many different ways and I feel like he definitely knew that.

He quickly went back and elaborated, “Well I heard so much about you. You and his sister were the only living blood he had left. We had become his family but I think he always regretted not having that bond with you and your mother. Your mother wrote him frequently updating everything going on in your life. When I was younger I'd go upstairs and he'd read them out loud. I felt like I knew you even though I didn't. I wanted to know the mystery behind those letters.”

My mother didn't know everything going on in my life and by the looks of it I definitely didn't know everything that was going on in hers. Biggie would have went nuts if he knew my mother was writing her faggot brother this whole time. He would have lost it.

“There's nothing behind the letters,” I stated.

Nothing I was willing to share.

“I don't believe that,” he replied.

I didn't like talking about my mother. I didn't like talking about the past. Jaime had touched on it when we first met but Roman was definitely not letting it go as easy as Jaime had.

“Believe what you want,” I replied.

I started up again and once again he stopped me. This time he stepped directly in my path.

He looked at me hard. It was as though he wanted something from me but I couldn't tell what it was. Roman was so strange. He even took a step closer.

“We are all fucked up. You know that?” his voice was strained, “This is a fucking house of cards stacked up high wobbly and about to fall down. You know what you are. You are another card placed on top of a shaky deck.”

“Thanks I guess...” I said spitting my sarcasm.

“Its not all bad. That house of cards we can fall over together. It won't be bad.”

At that point he actually grabbed me. He hugged on tight to me and started to fall to the floor. I tried to struggle against him but it was pointless. Roman was stronger than me. He had a clutch on me and as he fell he was so damn heavy that he dragged me with him.

“Asshole!”

It didn't matter. As we got on the floor he rolled over the top of me. He was still sweaty. His legs had separated between mine. His whole entire body was over the top of my body. He was looking at me with those eyes again. He was staring right through me as though he knew something that I didn't or he could see something that I wouldn't.

“Did it hurt?”

“No...dumbass you broke my fall.”

He laughed and remained on top of me, “That's the point. We can break each other's fall. So falling down together won't be so bad, you know?”

It was sweet. I couldn't help but to get flutters in my stomach. All the while he remained on top of me but this time it was back to silence. I looked up at Roman. Could he see how much I liked him? Could he see past my these walls? It was as though he was cracking past my walls. He was cutting blocks out and peering into my soul. Did he see the pain?

Did he know?No, of course not. He was innocent. Why was my hand on his face right now as he stayed over me? I hadn't remembered wanting my hand to be there. I watched in horror as it moved on its own sliding across his face.

Then I brought his face closer and I kissed it. It was a short kiss but my tongue managed to meet his. He had kissed back. I knew for sure as I felt movement in his tongue.

I had felt a boner in between his legs. He found me attractive. At least I was sure of that now. I was sure that he at least liked me. Quickly that stopped though.

“Um...I should go...”

He didn't move for a second or two. I had stopped looking at him though. Of course he had to go. He was in love with someone else. It was pointless for me to even try with a guy like Roman anyway. He was too perfect.

“Great...”

He turned around and I could tell he wanted to break the awkwardness, “So we are all going out tonight? You down?”

When I nodded he winked at me and smiled. I wondered what that meant. I almost had to take a second thought. I had to rewind the moment in my head as I saw him glare his pearly white teeth at me.

I went upstairs and hugged my pillow for half the day and spent the other half of the day looking for another job. I needed something to do. I was too nervous to go outside my room and find out what they were all doing. I couldn't work at the shore. Roman had made that abundantly clear. I had to find somewhere else to work. I needed to get money and get out of here before Uncle Jory started asking too many questions about my mom.

It was night time when I had gotten dressed. I had known to get ready by a telecom. I hadn't even known I had one until I heard the thing making noise.

“Hurry the hell up! We're downstairs waiting!”

I didn't know who the voice was. I was assuming it was Roman or probably Jaime. I wasn't completely sure though. All I knew was that my eye was getting back to normal and my arm was finally good enough to go without a cast. I was actually going out looking normal today. I looked in the mirror at the figure that stared back at me. I was never too impressed with what stared at me. I knew I was attractive but my nose felt too long some times. I wished so much I could shrink it down. It annoyed me. My eyes were also too slanted. I looked almost Asian at times. Some guys liked that but I always one those deep dark eyes like Roman.

Roman...he was so fucking sexy...

I found myself wearing a tight shirt. I didn't have muscles. I was definitely slimmer probably most compared to Vice or Neiman. Jaime and Roman were definitely a lot more muscular. Roman was just so damn defined. I remembered how his muscles felt against me. Roman was SO sexy.

I walked down the steps that night to actually hear a deep rolling hysterical laughter. The laughter was coming from Nima. She had her hair flung back and she was being tickled. The person who was tickling her actually surprised the hell out of me. It was actually Vice. What was that about?

“Finally he arrives,” I hear Barka shout out.

“I was about to plant seeds or something,” Jaime stated, “Right here all over.”

“Ew...”

“You would require a penis for one of those,” Vice pushed him.

Vice reached down to grab Jaime's crotch but Jaime quickly pulled away and reached out to grab his. I almost laughed as they chased each other out to the front playing their little game. Barka was standing at the bottom the steps waiting for me. Where Nima was dressed simple and stylish, Barka had dressed tacky and over the top. She had a feathered dress on and for a moment I was wondering if she was actually going out with us like that. I felt a little embarrassed but then again I didn't know what kind of club we were going to.

“Wasn't that weird?”

“What?” Barka asked.

“How Nima and Vice were just playing around. Yesterday I swore they were gong to kill each other.”
“That's how family is. You don't hold grudges against family. We are forever.”

I crossed my eyes but didn't say anything else. They really thought they were like some sort of family. I definitely didn't get it. They weren't related. Well Nima and Neiman were but the rest of them didn't share blood. That is NO family.

We had met Roman outside. He pulled up a huge truck for us to all it in. There were three rows of seats and Roman was driving. I realized that Neiman wasn't coming with us. I also realized that Vice sat in the front seat.

I saw Roman and Vice talking in the front seat of the car but I was all the way in the back with Barka and I wasn't really couldn't hear. I wondered though.

We pulled up to the club and just as we got ready to step out I looked up the front seat. I was going to reach out to Roman ask him if he wanted to walk in with me. Just as I was going to touch his shoulder getting out of the car I saw that he was preoccupied.

His mouth was locked with Vice. They were kissing like madmen.

He hadn't even noticed me.

I twas Vice who turned to me and asked, “Something you want?”

I shook my head looking back at Roman but he was just looking down. He still wasn't looking at me. It was almost like we hadn't just kissed just a few hours ago.

I shook my head, “No...nothing I want at all.”