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Chapter 5

Vanity Eyes

I wasn't able to sit as I arrived at the house. I didn't say anything back to XO. I was in shock. I had lived with these people and all of a sudden I found out what they had done. It was something so thick. I wanted to argue it. I wanted to say it didn't make sense but I knew what men were capable of. How could they have gotten away with hiding it. They gave Neiman an alibi? That was ridiculous. I kept wondering how that was even possible for them to cover up the entire thing.

I didn't ask XO though. For a minute I wished I had just kept my mouth shut and didn't know. I didn't want to be an accessory to this.

When we pulled up to the house I actually saw Roman.

“Roman! Roman!”

I wanted to ask him about last night but he was on his bike. He looked over my way quickly but he had his helmet on. I couldn't see his eyes. He sped off on his motorcycle.

“I thought you said you were cool with them,” XO stated next to me.

I shook my head, “He didn't see me.”

“Sure...”

XO was right. Roman had seen me. He had sped off like he didn't though. I didn't have time to worry about that.

“Listen if you don't feel like staying in this house you're always welcome to crash at my house for a few days till you get back on your feet.”

“I'm fine...”

“Suit yourself.”

I opened the car door and just when I was about to step out I stopped and waited, “But...you said one of the members of your House owns an art gallery. You think he's hiring.”
“He only hires Crystals.”

“Oh...damn.

“Well that doesn't exclude you right? Not yet. You can be a Crystal if you wanted to. I can see it now. You would fit in. This weekend I can come pick you up. Here's my number. I'm sure those Vanities have tons of phones.”
He slipped the number over to me. Me a Crystal? That didn't even make sense. I didn't want anything to do with these gay families. I didn't know what a family was and I wasn't willing to start. I just kept thinking about what they had done for Neiman. Was that a family? What twisted reality was that?

I walked in the house to see Barka on the porch on the side of the house. There was garden back here. It was huge. An attendant was in there working on it but Barka seemed to be the one enjoying it. She was on a swing on the side of the porch and she smiled to me as I walked over. I hadn't seen the lemonade on the side table but I watched her pour me some.

I grabbed the lemonade and sat next to her.

Should I ask her about Neiman?

No...it wasn't the time.

“Hey sorry I didn't come back yesterday.”

“No trouble hunny. You were with XO Crystal huh?”

She knew everything. She knew everything!

I didn't even bother asking how she had found out and which drag queen had told her about how they saw XO and I sneaking off away together.

“Yeah.”

“He's safe. I knew you were safe. Ain't no trouble from XO. I had to assure that of Roman a couple times.”

“Roman was asking about me. I saw him out front. He was driving off. He didn't even speak.”

“He's on his way to pick up Nima. You know she got arrested. You know it was her who started that fight yesterday.”

“What I thought it was Jaime?”

She laughed with that hearty laugh. As I thought about it too it was kind of funny. Jaime definitely didn't seem like the type to be starting no fights.

“Jaime is the knight in shining armor. Nima started feeling in her cup and decided to confront an old flame of hers. It's this lesbian butch girl who is a Dragon. Not minutes later Nima ends up pouring her drink over the Dragons. She missed her old flame and got it all over all the dragons. It was just a few seconds before the Dragons spat fire. Boy that's when Jaime got involved.”

“Oh geez...”

“Yeah, only house ok with us now is the Giselle's...especially after Roman got involved. He knocked a couple of those boys out...”

I hadn't seen it but I believed it. I remembered how Roman had jumped over that table. He meant business. I had remembered how hard he was hitting that bag in the gym too. Roman seemed like the type to really do some damage in a fight. He just seemed like a brawler.

“Is that why he's upset?”

“Oh no. Roman is a fighter. He's used to it. He's the toughest boy on Captiva Island. No one wants a day with Roman Badass Vanity. Not alone at least. They jumped him but he got the upper hand even then. He didn't even have a scratch this morning. And he had Jaime and I. We may be sweethearts but we defend our family.”

To what extent, I wondered.

“So why is he pissed?”

“He didn't say. I could only imagine it's because you or Vice went home with different guys last night?”

Vice had went home with a different guy last night? He was such a whore. He was kissing all over Roman last night. They were damn near back together. How does one end up leaving that exact same club with someone else. I couldn't help but putting my head down and laugh a little bit. Vice was such a whore.

“So wait which one is it me or Vice?”

There was a big difference.

“Who knows. I feel bad for him sometimes. That boy wants to be loved so much...he's all wretched inside you know? Maybe that's why he fights so good. They say love is battlefield.”

“I didn't do anything.”

“Don't tell me. Hunny Lombardi called Victor Crystal and said he didn't find no condoms this morning in XO's bed. And you know XO ALWAYS uses condoms. Victor called Tina Dragon and you know that bitch can't hold her water and she had a conference call with three Giselles about you and XO. Little did Tina know one of those Giselles is one of my GOOD Judys. I was muted on that call the whole time. We just got off.”
My mouth dropped.

Word spread across this island like wild fire. It had to be only a 20 minute drive and Barka already knew what was going on.

I still got no answers. I was so confused by him. If he had an issue with me why not say anything.

“Where you going?” Barka stated when I got up.

“I'm going to try to find a job.”
“Dinner is at 9.”

_---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I had so much on my mind. Luckily no one was around to bother me. I spent most of the day in a small study that was on the fourth floor of this huge house. Truth was I was in that room boiling over everything. Why hadn't these people been open to me? Why would they go around hiding everything from me?

Then there was Roman. Was he really mad at me that I went home with XO? It couldn't be. He had to have been pissed that Vice had gone home with some guy. Still why would that be an issue? It didn't even make sense.

I was one of the first ones at dinner that night. I figured I didn't want that awkward walk in like I had before. These people were serious about their dinners though. It was that true southern tradition that they had going on. Barka was happy with the meal. I was more than sure she had cooked the entire thing by the way her eye glared at people's expressions as she saw the food. It was soul food. Collard greens, macaroni and cheese, honey baked ham, okra, potato salad,string beans, sweet potato pie and butta beans stretched out across the table. Looking across the room I wondered how no one was overweight. Maybe that was the reason they had to make a gym so accessible.

We were all at the table...everyone besides Roman and Father Jory by 9 o clock.

“Anyone have anything they want to be thankful for?” Barka asked as she sat at the end of the table like she usually did.

Jaime shook his head, “Glad Vice and AJ made it back home. I'm definitely glad that Roman didn't kill someone and Nima is out of jail. We are very blessed after last night's fiasco.”

“Oh... I didn't know Nima was in jail. How was jail Nima?” Vice stated.

“How was Tyrone Giselle's dick, Vice?”

She had shot the question back at him in a way that caused Barka to put a smile on her face. I was surprised when Vice just let it go. It definitely didn't seem his type to let a At first I wondered why but then I turned to the right to see that Roman walk in. He had on a wife beater and some basketball shorts. It was clear that he was dragging himself to the meal.

“Hey,” I stated as he took the only available seat which was between Barka and I.

“Jaime, is Father Jory not coming down again?”

Had he just ignored me to my face. I was pretty sure he did. The embarrassment shot through me like a pain. Luckily though I don't think anyone else seemed to notice his slight....except Barka of course. I saw her staring at me silently as though trying to read my mind at that moment.

Jaime was quiet. He shook his head, “He's feeling a lot better though. He ate. He just wanted to keep to himself tonight...”

“I'll check up on him tomorrow,” Roman replied and turned around to everyone else, “Is everyone else ok last night. I'm sorry for getting out of character. Those faggots wanted to jump on Nima like she was a man. I lost my mind.”

“We were actually just talking about that. OW! Vice you just kicked me!”

Vice smiled back at her.

He was trying to keep her mouth shut.

“There was a lot going on,” I replied.

“You guys don't get into all that up in Georgia huh?” Vice stated, “Welcome to Captiva Island pretty boy.”
“I'm not a pretty boy.”

“I heard XO likes pretty boys though. That wouldn't make sense if you wasn't a pretty boy,” Vice stated.

“FOR ONE TIME can we please have a dinner without the faggotry?” Jaime stated, “Please guys...”

Faggotry. I shook my head. That was exactly what Vice was doing. He was trying to take the attention off of him. Vice shot me a look. I think he had gotten me confused for some guy who was just some run over or something.

I rolled my eyes at him, “XO may like pretty boys. I don't talk to my FRIENDS about things like that.”

I had noticed Roman looking down. I wondered what was going on in his mind. Either way he was ignoring both Vice and I as if we hadn't existed.

“Oh yeah maybe he likes ugly boys. That obviously has to be his thing.”
Nima was instigating. I saw her eyes grow wide making his comment seem 10X what it was. The truth was it felt like that too me though. It was almost like he just took a shot to him.

“Again I don't know what type of boys he likes,” I replied not looking back over at him, “All I know is I didn't have sex with him. I wonder if everyone can say that about who they went home with last night.”

“Probably because he didn't want to fuck you,” Vice had stated, “We know those Crystals are stuck up as shit.”

He had actually turned completely to me. He even had the audacity to stick his finger out at me. My blood began to boil. We weren't beating around the bush anymore. We were going straight at it.

“Like what are you talking about Vice? I don't have time to sit here and argue back and forth with you. Whatever issue you have with me get over it.”

“You don't belong here. That's the issue I have with you. You want me to get over it then leave.”
“No...how about that? Now you can sit there shut up and watch me eat.”

Jaime was the only one who had felt like step in, “Can you two please just stop? What is the issue here seriously?”

“He's a scrawny ugly little wannabe. And once Uncle Jory finds out how his sister died, this little sissy is going to be back on the streets.”

They just sat there. All of them JUST SAT THERE. Jaime was interrupting but he wasn't even addressing the fact that Vice was obviously sitting here disrespecting me. THEY watched. I could feel myself seteaming. It wasn't just at Vice. It was all of them. They stuck together. They were all looking as quiet as Neiman eating their foods while their brother attacked me.

“And you are a whore. I can smell nutt on you from here!”

“Whoa,” Nima stated, “I'm not going to let you talk to my brother like that.”

Then Roman actually jumped in, “We are taking low blows now.”

I couldn't understand it. My blood was boiling.

“Nima he talks shit on you all the time and Roman he CHEATS on you all the time,” I stated shaking my head, “Is this what you Vanities are about! You gang up on someone because they aren't you. Are you kidding me!”

They were all looking at me with this weird look.

It was as though all of a sudden I was the aggressor. It was as though Vice hadn't been provoking me since Roman walked into the room.

Jaime shook his head, “No one is ganging up on you. Please calm down. We aren't like that.”

Barka who usually just stayed out of the drama and watched even jumped in, “Be cool hunny. This too will pass.”

“Fuck passing. Vice thinks I'm a pushover. You let him get away with murder!”

Actually come to think of it he wasn't the only one let get away with murder.

Nima shook her head, “He's gone nuts. See Vice you've done it. You drove him crazy.”

Vice laughed. Him and Nima shared a fucking laugh between the two of them.

“I'm crazy,” I stated, “I'm crazy like your lunatic brother who killed 5 people and FLEED the season! And you all cover it up like everything is cool.”

Silence.

Complete silence.

Vice's mouth had even dropped open a little bit. He was staring across the table at Jaime. They were staring at each other. Barka was still looking at her food but seemed to be peering over at Jaime. Nima and Roman were looking over at Neiman as though seeing how he would react. Neiman was the only one who was looking at me as I talked though. He was completely silent as well.

“No jokes Nima? No smart wisecracks. What about you Vice, you don't want to attack me do you?”

Jaime was the one who spoke. I remembered that half of them were looking at Jaime and the other half was looking at Neiman. Jaime was like the goddam spokesperson for the House of Vanity I guess. He was the only one that seemed to have a brain.

“Who told you that?” he asked.

“C'mon Jaime. We all know I was with XO yesterday. Aren't you guys going to deny it?”

“Listen good faggot--” Vice started getting up at the table.

“VICE!” a voice said, “Sit...”

I looked at the person that entered in and it was Uncle Jory himself. I wondered how much he had been listening to. He sat at the head of the table quietly. At this point I was still steaming. I had completely abandoned my food.

Vice stood for a moment. His finger was pointed at me. He looked like it was paining him to leave me alone but he sat down listening to his Father.

Uncle Jory looked over at me, “You want to know if we will deny your claims, AJ. No we won't. We did just as you said. I protected my family. We protected one another.”
I looked around the room. Everyone was so uncomfortable. They didn't want their secrets brought to the surface. All of them looked like they didn't want to talk about it. Nima especially surprised me. She always seemed like she had something to say but here she was burying her face in her napkin.

“He killed people. Not just one person. He took multiple lives. How is that ok? Did the other houses know the people who were killed.”

“They were popular in the scene yes.”

“Yet they are the bad guys for being mad? How is that ok?”

“It isn't,” Neiman stated.

It was strange to hear him talk. I saw tears in his eyes but only for a minute because he covered them over rather quickly. All of a sudden he got up off the table and he walked away. I watched him as he walked away. Everyone else remained still stuck in time all of a sudden. Had they thought this wouldn't catch up to them.

When Neiman had left the room Jory looked over at Nima, “Go make sure your brother doesn't leave the house.”

Nima listened to her father as though she hadn't been the bitch that I knew her to be. She was almost obedient completely with him. She walked out the room after Neiman. I wonder why Jory had to send someone after Neiman? What did he think Neiman was going to do?
Neiman's tears wasn't enough for me. He had killed people.

“Jaime. You are ok with this. Aren't you like Mr. Moral.”

He shook his head, “I never claimed to be that. I try to be better everyday. Everyday I pray to god, but I'm flawed. We all are.”

He was hopeless. He wasn't going to go against the family. I didn't even know why I asked him.

I looked over at Barka, “Barka you see the world through these beautiful eyes. I heard you talk. Is this the beautiful world you see.”

She looked at Uncle Jory then looked at me.

“I see the world through Vanity eyes, hunny.”

Then that meant she was blind. I looked at Uncle Jory. Had he brainwashed all of them. I even managed to look down and look at Roman.

“Roman...”

“Can I be excused?” Roman asked once again ignoring me.

This time it was clear to everyone. Uncle Jory nodded his head and Roman completely ignored me and walked away from the table. It was almost as though I didn't even exist to him any longer. He was acting like a complete asshole to me.

Jory was the one who opened his mouth, “Who'd he hear this from Barka?”

Barka like the loyal informant she was quickly answered, “A Crystal. XO Crystal.”

Jory shook his head, “AJ. You don't know much about this world. Theres much more to this story then it seems. The Crystals they like to make you believe they are better than the rest of us. They only except young, masculine handsome and prosperous boys among their numbers. They don't except Drag Queens, or ugly boys or fairies. Marlon Crystal rejects everything the gay community is. He won't accept someone like Roman. He is far too emotionally drained. He wouldn't accept Nima. She is a slave to her vices. He rejects diversity. He antagonizes weakness. Doesn't that sound familiar? What makes them better than the oppressive straight men?”
“This isn't about the Crystal house. Your son killed a boy Uncle Jory. Are you forgetting that? You dodge around the question.”
Jory was actually getting upset obviously as he stood up, “It's not about Crystal! But you take their word and you run back to us and attack us,” Jory argued, “Why is that boy?”
“You didn't deny it.”

“That didn't mean there wasn't more to the story. Its the Vanity House that took in the broken dolls and hoped to fix them to make them play again. Neiman is nothing more than that. He is a broken doll. And the Vanity house we take in those broken dolls with all their pain, all their mistake and we fix them. You of all should understand.”
“Understand murder!?”

“Yes, understand murder. What happened to my little sister AJ?”

I was quiet. I was quiet.

They were waiting for me to answer but the only sound came from Uncle Jory who was coughing loudly.

“Father, you aren't feeling well. Let's get you some tea,” Jaime suggested.

“Let him answer my question. Since he wants to be a Crystal and he wants to pass judgment like the Crystals do sitting up on their high horse. What happened to my sister little boy?”

The question haunted me.

When I didn't answer Jory laughed, “You will not go around talking about this in the presence of Neiman. You understand boy? You upset Neiman and you'll be out on your ass so that Biggie can come finish off what he started. I swear I'll ship you back to Georgia, blood or not. You may be lucky, you may be in a fancier coffin than my sister.”
What did Jory really know?

How much did this dying diseased man really know about my life?

I didn't say anything though. I let him have his moment. He had all these people thinking he was some wise man. I wondered how wise he really was.

He didn't know anything. He couldn't have but if he didn't know then why was he giving me that look that made me tremble. He kept looking at me with that look too until finally Jaime came and swept him away from the table. They disappeared somewhere probably in the kitchen or something. I wasn't sure where they went. I was staring out remembering my mother's face. Jory did have a way of making this seem much smaller than it was.

Vice got up, “Watch your back faggot.”

He walked away at that moment.

Barka looked at me and put her hands on my shoulder, “You ok hunny?”

I got up off the table, “I'll be fine.”

“There's so much history here. You know,” she tried to calm me down, “There are so many things you don't know. You'll get to know them. We aren't the enemy.”

“And Crystal is?”

“I can't make any decision for you,” she replied, “I am Barka Vanity and on my best nights they say it twice. They call me Barka Barka Vanity, but on any day I am still a Vanity. I made up my mind to define my own destiny. You have to do the same.”

I had considered leaving. I really thought about it. I spent time pacing about it until the weekend. A few days had passed. I had stopped going to the dinner that they were having. Jaime brought me food up after everyday but I really eat the food he brought. He always attempted to stick around and talk afterwards but I never had anything to say. I made it so awkward he would want to leave.

Roman's room was right next to mine. I saw him a few times in the hallway but he just acted like he didn't see me or something. He really had left me alone. The good thing though was that he wasn't talking to Vice either. Barka made sure to let me know that when she came up to my room for a visit. She had also told me that Neiman was in counseling on a weird note. It was almost as though she had just thrown that in there out of no where. Was he always in counseling? Had he just started? Why did I care if he was in counseling. She left all those questions behind.

I walked downstairs on Saturday afternoon. XO was outside waiting for me.

As I got to the bottom of the steps, I saw Jaime standing there. He wasn't alone. He was with Roman. The two of them looked like they were on their way somewhere but I didn't ask where. I wasn't actually going to say anything especially when Roman and I exchanged quick glances. If it wasn't for Jaime we'd probably have not even acknowledged one another at all. He was looking at me with this weird face, “You going out?”

“Yeah. My friend came to get me.”
“XO?”

“He's the only friend I've made...outside of this house I mean,” I stated. Truth was I did consider Jaime a friend. I considered Barka a friend too. The rest of them I couldn't stand.

“Can we go?” Roman looked over at Jaime.

Jaime finally asked the question that I'd been wanting to ask the whole time, “Roman are you ok? Well let me rephrase that. Are the two of you ok?”

There was short silence.

Roman looked up at me. Even when he was mad he was fucking sexy as hell. His mad look was probably a little sexier than his other look. He just seemed like he had nothing to do with me. I tried to act like it didn't bother me but it stung. I never had someone upset with me and respond in this way. He just wasn't talking.

It was a whole new thing to me. This passive aggression was driving me crazy. I would have traded that for a Biggie bully or a Vice curse out at any moment.

“I got no problems.”

He was lying. I could have let it go but I didn't feel like it. It was really killing me this silent treatment he was giving me. I almost wanted to pull my hair out.

“Sure. You can't even look at me. You can't even say my name.”
“AJ Crystal. Is that your name now?”

Jaime stepped in, “Roman...”

Roman hadn't waited around for Jaime to step in though. He knew how to make an impact with just a few words though. I'd give him that. He hadn't disrespected me but the snap seemed to be just as bad as anything that Vice could have said to me. No. I was wrong. What Roman said was worse. It was almost like he was...disappointed with me. That hurt so much worse.

Jaime had turned back to me when he couldn't catch Roman.

“Look he's just upset. Everyone kind of assumed that you being Uncle Jory's only blood left that you'd be a Vanity. You shut that down but now you are hanging with a Crystal. I kind of seems funny you know. Like you are dissing us. I mean that's silly though. You wouldn't be a Crystal would you?”
“I don't know what I'd be.”

Jaime nodded, “Oh... well um...ok. I kind of don't know what else to say.”

“You can't fix everything Jaime,” I stated and looked over at the door that Roman had walked out of, “You heard Vice at the table. I don't belong here. I'm starting to think he was right.”

Jaime looked like he wanted to say something else but he didn't. He just kind of opened his mouth only to shut it again. I guess he still didn't know what to say. He knew I was probably right. Maybe I just didn't belong in the House of Vanity. My uncle had saved me from Biggie. I'd give him that but that didn't mean that he had answers.

He already had his hand full with the other Vanities. He didn't need one more...

For updates on these stories… Please join us at the Yahoo Group…for discussion of the story and to give some feedback about what you think about the story, as well as other stories by this author.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/boxy_grove/