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Chapter 7

Past Engagements

“I have to admit I was not your biggest,” Nima stated, “This may not mean anything to you. Word out is you hang with the Crystals now. I know they don't really feel things. I'm going to say it anyway because this is how I feel. I may have disliked you. I'll be honest. But today you saved my brother's life and for that I will be eternally grateful.”

We were in the ER waiting area.

Neiman hadn't died in her room. Nima had been too drunk to know the difference when she found Neiman. He was foaming at the mouth and still had a pulse. I managed to stick my fingers down his throat while commanding Nima to pull a car around front.

I was able to drive Neiman to the hospital.

The doctors said any later and Neiman would have been dead.

“I tried to kill myself once,” I told her, shaking her head.

“Me too...”

It was an awkward conversation. Nima and I hadn't really been the closest of friends. I wasn't sure if she got the word out to the rest of the family. She had made a phone call but I wasn't sure who it was too and she didn't make much sense on it. She was too busy crying her eyes out. She had spent almost thirty minutes since we got to the hospital crying. I hadn't even seen her talk to Neiman since I got to the house but it was clear that she loved him. If there was anything I could see during this time it was the clear love that she had for him.

I didn't see why Nima would kill herself, “My mother had saved me. She did the same thing that I did with Neiman. She cleared his stomach. You have to get as much of the poison out as possible.”

Nima was still crying. Her head was low and her makeup smeared all of her face. She looked like she was the one who had just overdosed on some pills actually.

“You don't look like the type. You came in here all entitled. You were Jory's blood. No matter how much we love him we can't say that. You didn't curse too much. You didn't throw fits. You weren't hiding high heels in your closet. You were one of those lucky gays who could fit into society. You were a Crystal. Why would you kill yourself?”

It baffled her.

She didn't see the pain though. She didn't see anything past this wall that I had put up. Maybe I was masculine and attractive and didn't show the pain inside. There was more pain but I wouldn't let her past these walls.

I wouldn't let anyone past these walls.

“I really don't want to talk about it.”

“I don't blame you,” she replied, “You probably don't want nothing to do with us. Neiman isn't that bad. When the accident came. It was true Jory was helping both of us with our drinking but during the accident Neiman hadn't been drinking. He had gone sober. He was trying to get me to quit even. But you think anyone would have believed him? Someone had tampered with the breaks. Neiman lost control. You think anyone would have believed that though? My family did what we knew best. We preserved ourselves.”

Someone had tampered with Neiman's breaks?

I wasn't even sure if I believed that myself. What was the chances of that happening? I shook my head. Neiman was quiet. He didn't bother anyone. Why would someone want to do that to him?

I shook my head though silently.

“I didn't say he was a bad person.”

“Maybe you can start over with him and get to know him,” Nima stated, “He's still been quiet, but he'll break out of it. Maybe this will break him out of it. He's a good person AJ. We all are. I hope to think. I just couldn't imagine losing him...”

She was crying again.

At first I just watched. I didn't know what to say to make her feel better. I couldn't imagine what they had been through.
I put my hand over her and then put my whole harm. She didn't hesitate to snuggle up in my arms immediately and begin to bellow away. For a moment I felt some warm feeling. It was weird to describe because I really hadn't felt it before. Why did I care that Nima was hurt? I didn't know her. She wasn't my family. Yet for some reason I could feel her pain without even knowing her whole story. All I knew was that she was hurting and Neiman was hurting.

Now I was hurting. Now there were tears coming out of my eyes and I didn't understand why. Where was this emotion coming from? We were sitting here together.

“OH LORD!!”

I quickly wiped my eyes to hear someone enter the ER screaming at the top of their lungs. It was a familiar voice. It was Barka.

The cavalry had arrived. Barka, Vice, Roman, Jaime and Uncle Jory came barging into the ER room. The room was relatively quiet and the Vanities brought with them a chaos of no other. Barka was the loudest screaming out “Oh Lords” and “Please Gods” from the top of her lungs while Jaime was almost just as loud trying to quiet her down. It just so happened the poor nurses were aroudn because at that moment Uncle Jory, Vice and Roman were at there necks DEMANDING to know where Neiman was. Uncle Jory had his two leashed bulldogs almost attacking the staff at the hospital almost immediately. Vice with the mouth and Roman was the muscle. Roman flexed him muscles intimidating the staff while Vice threatened to “Raise hell”.

I almost wanted to cover my face in pure embarrassment but then again for some reason there was something about this scene that made me smile.

How had Uncle Jory managed to compile such a family?

“Please don't tell them I was drinking when you found me Neiman.”

I nodded and Nima ran over to greet her family to let them know she was there already. Truth was Nima could have been the reason her brother died tonight. She had been screaming at the top of her lungs but she should have known that he wasn't dead. She should have at least called an ambulance or something.

I didn't go talk to them. I stayed off to the side. I wasn't a Vanity. I watched from a distance though as Nima explained what happened. They had all gathered around her. They were so concerned.

Who would come if I was the one in the hospital? Who would scream at the top of their lungs?

I had nobody.

Another tear trailed down my face but I cuffed it in my sleeve before it could fall too low. I didn't have the energy to keep feeling sorry for myself. I knew when my mother was dead that I was completely alone of friends in this world. I had no one and I needed no one.

My wall was still there and it was strong. I wouldn't let anyone hurt me...including myself.

“Are you ok?” Uncle Jory stated.

The others had still been over there trying to talk to Nima and comfort her. I hadn't even seen Uncle Jory come over to me. He sat right next to me. I wondered if he saw the red in my eyes. I hoped not. I had stopped crying completely. I had thought happy thoughts in order to make sure the tears didn't come back.

“I'm fine. It's Neiman you should be worry about,” I stated.

Jory shook his head, “This isn't the first time. Truthfully all of them have tried it one way or another. All except Barka surprisingly. That one loves life 'something vicious'...as she would say.”

“All...even Roman.”

Jory nodded, “Yeah. Roman. He has a real image problem. He thinks he's not handsome. Thinks he can't be loved.”

I had heard it before. It was so confusing the more people who said it. Roman had low self-esteem. He was the sexiest guy in the room 80% of the time and to me it was 100% of the time. His swag was ridiculous and he didn't act insecure.

I shook my head, “Today I cried for Neiman. I hadn't said but a couple of words to him but I cried for him. I don't know what it is.”

“You are finding that you can let your guard down a little,” Jory stated in this all knowing tone, “You are far away from Biggie. He can't hurt you anymore. I think you are discovering that and emotion is what comes with it.”

“I don't know if I like it.”

“They are opening up to you too. The last dinner they kept asking where you were. Roman suggested forming a search party. Everyone was willing to go...”

“Even Vice.”

“Vice missed that dinner party.”

Yeah everyone except Vice. I was so sure Jory was telling me in a nice way that Vice basically said “Hell no, fuck AJ.” The fact that everyone else was concerned.

“Of course.”

“I had to stop them,” Jory explained, “I knew you wanted your space. My loveless bunch is close though but we are so weak. You saved my son's life today. Thank you.”

Nima had told the story. Had she been proclaiming me to them as some sort of savior. It wasn't the case. I did what anyone would have done at that point. I hadn't gone out of my way to save him. I hadn't climbed a huge tower. I gagged him and took him to the hospital. That was all.

I nodded my head, “The doctor said he will be fine. He may be able to leave tonight.”

“Thanks to you. I wanted to keep our number as to what it was, but for years I've been wanting that number to increase by one. I wanted to give you your space before asking you...but AJ, would you be interested in becoming a Vanity.”
A Vanity.

Crap. I had already said that I'd be a Crystal. I just never assumed Uncle Jory would really ask me to be a part of his gay family. I just assumed there was no point. I was so lost standing here. Now I was more lost than ever.

I sat there and nodded my head, “Yeah....um...I'll think about it.”

Why didn't I tell him I already was in the house of Crystal? Why didn't I tell him I had already agreed to join with them. I knew though looking at him that he would have been disappointed. The Vanities didn't like the Crystals either. They thought the Crystals were a stuck up group of wanna-be-straight gay boys who were basically boring.

He smiled and nodded, “Just let me know when you are ready for me to tell everyone what you decide.”

He patted me on the back and walked away.

I was a fucking idiot! Now here I was stuck between two houses. One I was living for and the other one I was working for. Why the hell were things so complicated? Truth was that was how I felt inside. I felt like a Vanity who was all fucked up inside wanting a closeness but every part of me on the outside denied the closeness. With the Crystals I wouldn't need that...

I sat away from the others for a long time pondering what was going on. Jaime came to sit with me and so did Barka after a while. Surprisingly Nima had come back. She was still crying and I guess she felt comfortable crying in my arms. I didn't mind it but I could tell the others were surprised to see her doing it. Vice's expression from across the room was epic. Roman wasn't sitting next to him but they weren't too far apart either. Roman was looking at me from a distance. I couldn't read what his face was saying but a few times our eyes met.

It wasn't until late in the morning that I felt a nudge. I hadn't even noticed that I had fallen asleep until I was woken up. I was even surprised who woke me up. It was Roman. The others were with Neiman who was across the room. He was outfitted in a blanket and they were walking out. Neiman was looking on the floor and I could tell even from this distance that he wasn't willing to talk to anyone.

For some reason I knew he was in the right arms with Jory though. Jory had his hands over his son's arms guiding him safely out.

“You have a little drool...”

Roman pointed to the side of my face. He even wiggled his finger around and made an awkward face to let me know how bad it was. I could KILL Myself. It wasn't even just the regular drool. It was the dried up crusty drool. It was probably 4 o clock in the morning and Roman looked PERFECT. He looked like he just stepped out of Diesel jean commercial or something. Meanwhile I was drooling.

“We should leave.”

“I told them to go on ahead and told Jaime to take the car you drove over. You seemed pretty tired so I figured you can ride with me. You know how fast I go, I'd get you home the quickest.”

I nodded but it was still awkward. We hadn't spoken in more then a week. He was mad at me but I never really understood why. We never talked about it. Now wasn't the time either. I was tired.

I hardly remembered the motorcycle ride home. I didn't fall asleep but I was so comfortable laid up on the back of Roman's motorcycle that I might as well had been asleep. He made me feel so safe even going 90 miles an hour. I missed it. I missed grabbing onto the sides of his stomach and squeezing just a little too tight. I was on cloud 9 when I was with Roman and yet it was such a shaky cloud. I kept wondering if it would turn into just air and I'd come crashing back down to Earth.

We walked to the house. The others definitely hadn't gotten there by now. Roman and I had gotten to the house and it seemed quiet.

We had walked to the second floor where our rooms were. I had noticed that the only other person that slept on this floor was Jaime but his room was clear on the other side of the house on the same floor. Roman's room was right next to mine.

He walked me to my room and as I opened the door I saw him take a step closer.

“I want to apologize...”

Finally.

“Thanks. I mean I was really starting to get worried for a second.”

“Huh?”

He looked confused.

“You were apologizing for ignoring me right.”
He shook his head even more confused, “Um...no. I was apologizing because I ran into your boyfriend about an hour before I got to the hospital. He was at a bar. We got into an argument and I ended up punching him in the face. I was actually trying to avoid the ER today because I thought he was there.”

My face wrinkled up. All that and THIS was the reason he was apologizing. He was acting even more like a dick then before!

“What! My boyfriend?”

“Yeah. You know Fuck-boy Crystal.”
“XO?”

“Whatever his name is,” Roman stated his face wrinkling up even more.

“You are so damn petty Roman. First off you know he didn't start an argument with you and lastly he's not my boyfriend.”

Roman raised his arms, “Ok for your first point, he said something I didn't like and I hit him. Period. And if he isn't your boyfriend you may want to let HIM know that because he seems a little confused.”

I shook my head.

“Your a minute I thought you were actually cool, but you're still an asshole.”

I walked into my room.

“What the fuck! I just apologized!”
I slammed the door in his face.

I didn't want to deal with him. He was crazy. I immediately felt bad for XO. What the hell could they have been arguing about. It was normal to Roman. It was normal for him to just punch somebody if he didn't like what they were saying. I guess he didn't earn his nickname Badass Vanity for no reason. I shook my head again.

He was still so sexy though. That was the last thought rolling in my head. Who else could get me so excited just to get me so mad again? No one had that emotional range with me. He knew how to get to me like no one else could. That was clear.

The next day was my first day at Marlon's Miracles. XO was supposed to come pick me up but he hadn't come. I had to figure out if we were still cool and find out what happened between him and Roman. I convinced Jaime to take me into town without telling him exactly why I had to go. The tables had definitely turned with Roman. First he wasn't talking to me but now I definitely wasn't talking to him. As Jaime and I left the house Roman grabbed me.

“I have to talk to you.”

“And if I don't like what you say you going to punch me in my face?”
Roman shook his head all a sudden with a shortened temper, “I would never hit you...”

“Why not?”

He didn't have an answer. He looked like he wanted to say something else but I wasn't sticking around to listen to it. I continued to follow Jaime out to the car. I shook his head halfway down the road from the house, “I'm going to need you two to figure out what the hell is going on between you because the rest of us are confused.”

The drive down was awkward and long with Jaime spending a lot of time talking about Uncle Jory. Truth was I didn't really know much about Uncle Jory's health condition and Jaime seemed to be thinking that I did by the way he talked. I didn't want to let him know that I had no idea what he was talking about so I just remained quiet. I hated ideas of disease and sickness. I hated those conversations most of all. Soon he started talking about Nima getting locked up and I just found that hilarious so the conversation quickly turned funny.

We had gotten downtown and Jaime had that annoying look in his eye.

“So where we going?”

We?

“Well I have to handle some business. You can actually let me out right over here.”
“Oh cool I'll tag along. It'll give us some time to bond.”
I was going to say something else. I couldn't think of any excuse good enough for him not to come with me. Truth was that I wanted to hang out with Jaime. He was actually fun to hang out with for the most part but on the other end I couldn't let him know I was working with the Crystals. I didn't want to give the Vanities any other reason to hold tension with me.

But when I looked back at Jaime he was actually ducking.

His head was lodged underneath the door, obviously trying to conceal himself.

“On the other hand I'll probably meet you back home.”
He was hiding...

I didn't say anything about it though. I took it as my sign to get out when I could. When I finally did get out of the car I looked around to see who he could have been ducking from. Jaime sped away in his black truck before I even knew here I was.

“Hey AJ...”

It was Lombardi. I hadn't even recognized the tan Italian when I had stepped outside of the car. When he took of his wayfarer sunglasses XO's roommate became obviously clear.

I gave him a head nod, “What's good man?”

“You looking for XO, he's over at the store,” Lombardi said but then turned around and asked a strange question, “Was that Jaime Vanity riding you?”

“Oh yeah, why?”

“Um no reason. Hey, you real close with Jaime right? Can you tell him to call me. We have a few things to talk about?”
What did they have to talk about? I was pretty sure the Vanities didn't get down with the Crystals and vice versa. What was the big discussion about? I just nodded to be nice though and walked away.

“You forget about me?”

I had come into Marlon's Miracles to see XO. He was standing over the cash register and had a bunch of papers in his hands. From the look of his right eye, Roman had definitely done a number on that eye. It was actually a little hard to look at.

“I'm sorry. I was just um...bogged down that's all.”

More like you didn't want me to see that big black eye that you had.

“Oh, with what?”

“I just don't know what I'm doing. Truthfully I was kind of waiting for you to get here.”

I laughed a little bit. It was kind of clear that XO didn't know what he was doing.

The whole day I spent going over numbers with him and reorganizing the store. The store definitely needed a lot of cleaning done. Luckily all the cleaning that I had done with Biggie had made me a professional. I also found out the kinds of things that were actually selling. Miracles had some fashion, some painting, some sculpture and even some home décor. The home décor and paintings definitely sold the most and I ended up merchandising the windows accordingly. XO followed me like a lost puppy during the whole thing. I felt throughout the day that I was the one who was actually training him instead of the other way around.

Before long the store had been transformed into a clean organized place.

“I'm not all useless...you know?”

It was the end of the day. The hot southern air had made us all sticky. XO kind of looked sexy standing in the store wiping his sweaty body off with his shirt to reveal his abs everytime. Truth was he even looked hot with a black eye.

“I bet,” I joked.

“Seriously. I actually booked the best DJ for your party at the end of the month. Marlon is definitely going all out once he sees how you changed the store up.”

The party. I had kept it in my back mind. There was still a long time until we had to face the music about that party. Truth was that I wasn't sure about getting involved in all this house business. My relationship with the Vanities were on the rocks and I didn't to make it worse. I WAS living in their house.

Maybe I could call it off.

“Did you send out the invitations?” I inquired.

“Yeah some. All except one house. I didn't send it out to the Vanities yet. I kind of wanted to talk to you to see if it was ok if I didn't invite Roman Vanity?”

Because Roman had punched you in the eye? XO hadn't brought up his eye at all. He had been turning away from me to conceal it all day. He hadn't even mentioned Roman till now though. I figured this would be a great time to bring that up.

“Did something happen between you two?”
“No...no. I just don't care for him.”

He wasn't trying to come out with it. Was he trying to lie to me? Was he holding secrets? I would have had better luck asking Roman and not going to him about this. I wasn't going to force him to talk about something he didn't want to though.

I just shrugged, “Damn...ok I guess. I mean I don't want Roman feeling bad. Maybe a party isn't the best idea...”

“What shut up!” he said as though I had was being modest, “It'll be great. We can invite the rest of the house. Jaime, for instance, we were homies when he was engaged to Lombardi.”

“When what?”

“He was engaged to my roommate Lombardi. They had dated for years and then Jaime asked Lombardi to marry him. They were actually going to get married. Lombardi is a big bottom and he had the whole thing planned out. That was when Neiman killed those people. Some of them were Lombardi's friends. Lombardi gave Jaime an ultimatum. He said to choose Vanity or choose him...”
“Jaime chose the Vanities...”

XO nodded, “I don't want to put you in that position though. So how about we have the Vanities come.”

“Besides Roman...”

He nodded, “He's trouble.”

I had heard it before. Roman was trouble. So how come right now it hurt me to be blacklisting him. People probably had been calling him trouble forever. They probably always made sure he wasn't invited to parties. I didn't want it like that. I liked Roman...

Maybe I liked Roman more than I should.

XO offered to drive me home but he had heard from his friends that the Vanities hung just a few blocks down on Monday evenings. I hadn't known that but I figured I would go surprise them. Only problem was that I didn't know which Vanity he was talking about. It could have been Jaime or it could have been Vice. Those were two completely opposite spectrums.

Either way I decided to take the chance. I had this feeling like I wanted to understand things about them. I didn't know what it was. Even Vice made me wonder. Why was he like that? Why would he cheat on a guy like Roman? The secrets of Vanity puzzled me where with XO there was not really much I seemed to find mysterious.

As I walked my feet dragged behind me. I was thinking about Roman Vanity again. God, why couldn't I get him out of my mind.

Thank god he wasn't a mind reader. Thank god he didn't know what I was thinking about.

The streets were dark and the summer heat didn't seem to fade just cause the sun had gone down. There were a small breeze though. Captiva Island was beautiful at night. Palm trees were lined up in rows down the way. In front of stores and houses people would light bright lanterns and the lanterns looked like stars on land. Captiva had a friendly smell...friendly and inviting.

I walked not knowing too well where I was going but I was sure that the Vanities were at some hangout spot close by.

All of a sudden I got this feeling.

It was the coldest feeling I had since I came to Captiva. I had felt the feeling before though. It was a distinct feeling I felt back when I was younger a lot.

I looked behind me.

No one.

I was losing it.

I took a few steps forward and then looked back again.

The street was empty. All of a sudden I was so cold! The figure was a distance away and I squinted into the darkness at it. It was stalking me almost. Slowly my eyes adjusted to a lantern light right next to figure.

No god.

Please no god.

“Biggie...” my mouth defined the name.