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Chapter 9

A Time to Reap

I had come to the dinner a little late. Uncle Jory, Barka, Jaime, Nima and Neiman were there. I had been spending some nights with XO and this was the first time I was over for dinner in a while. I ran away from the house so I wouldn't get attached but then when I got to XO I had to run away from him as well. XO had become good at giving me oral. I never did anything back to him. He never asked. He never asked for anything more either but I knew one day he would and I wasn't sure if I was willing to go further with him yet.

“Haven't seen you lately,” Jaime stated as I took a seat next to him at the table, “What have you been getting into?”

“Most likely a Crystal. XO to be exact,” Nima replied.

I sighed ignoring her. Our relationship had definitely grown better but I still found her to be really annoying at times. She was in many ways a toned down female version of Vice.

Barka shook her head, “Now girl you can't listen to gossip...”

“What? Barka, You told me...”

Nima jerked a little bit and it was clear that Barka had kicked her underneath the table. I didn't mind though to tell the truth. Sooner or later people would notice that I was spending more time with XO. The problem was making sure that I didn't get too much of myself involved in him.

“Hunny, we have some cornbread, some okra and some trout in garlic sauce...”

Jory seemed pleased, “You been watching your Martha...”

“You know it,” Barka stated in her deep southern accent and gave a strong snap. I could see the pride in her face every time she spoke about her food. Barka was definitely a character and I couldn't help but to smile too.

“Shouldn't we wait for Vice and Roman?”

I knew they weren't there. My eyes were looking at Barka knowing that she knew what

“Oh no, they back in love,” Barka stated, “Vice took Roman out Jory's old shore house so they can have some privacy. Boy when I tell you supposedly Roman surprised Vice with a beautiful romantic meal over in the art district. And he pulled out ALL the stops. Honey, Roman gave you the better much of Romeo that night. He had the the flowers sprawled out. AND WHEN I TELL YOU, he waiter bring out Vice's favorite dish----you know that spicy thai pizza----and a huge ice cream cake with “I love you” scribbled in it. I know Roman got some Vice cake that night. I know I would have givin him some. Guess what they ended the night with. A motherfucking horse drawn carriage on the shore. BITCHHHH! My pussy get wet thinking a man would do all that for me.”

“Bitch you don't have no pussy,” Nima stated shaking her head, “And ain't no way Roman planned all that. He act straighter than my perm. Roman thinks romance is letting you get your nut first.”
The others laughed. I didn't laugh though. The shit wasn't funny to me. None of it was funny. I had found out Vice's favorite dish from Barka. I had planned the entire thing. I had ordered the pizza. I had made sure Roman showed up on time.

Now they were officially back together and inseparable. I didn't need Barka telling me that.

“Well it's great that they found each other,” Jaime stated, “It's about time some of us found TRUE love.”
For some reason it felt like Jaime was taking a snap at me. I didn't know why. I knew he wouldn't of course but I was so on edge. It felt like all of this talk about Vice and Roman was a personal attack against me.

I shook my head, “Weren't you in love Jaime?”

“What?”

“You were in love I heard. You were in love with Lombardi right? You gave it up because of the family. What makes you think this love shit even exists?”

“Did I miss something? What does my love history have to do with Lombardi have to do with this conversation.”

“He's trying to make a point,” Uncle Jory butt in, “Go ahead...”

Jaime seemed offended. At the moment I didn't care though. There was an anger building up in me and I wasn't sure where it was coming from. All I knew was that I didn't believe in this love thing. I had fought for so long to stop it. I had gone out of my way to avoid it.

“My point is love is painful and love hurts. All the time.”

“That's that S&M, I love it,” Nima started off but Uncle Jory threw his napkin at her quickly.

“Let him finish,” Jory stated, “AJ have you been in love before?”

“Yes.”

“What was it like?”

“It was painful,” I stated, my body shaking as I talked.

“How? What happened to you,” my uncle kept picking his eyes staring at me with this knowingness, “How did love hurt you?”

“Fuck do you mean. It fucking hurt,” I said shaking my head.

Was he kidding me? This old man never seemed to make any sense. How does something hurt? Did he want to know where it hurt? He was sick. Why was he asking me these dumb questions?

“Am I missing something?” Nima asked.

“AJ you are hiding something,” Uncle Jory continued, “You've been hiding something since you came into this house. I want to know what happened to you. I want to know what happened to my sister.”

“What the fuck do you want old man!” I said raising from the table, “What do you want me to say? Your sister is dead. Get over it. I did.”

“Don't raise your voice at him,” Jaime quickly stated in defense.

“Lies,” Uncle Jory stated, “He's telling lies anyway. He buried those secrets so deep in himself.”

“Listen, whatever I'm hiding is my business. You hear me? It's all my business in these eyes. ALL of it. I found a job and I'm already saving. I'm working for the Crystals. They are actually throwing me a birthday party at the end of the month. You can attend.”

I let it all out. Truth was I didn't give a damn.

Neiman shook his head, “Can we stop fighting. Please?”
The room had got quiet when Neiman spoke. It was so rare that he spoke that when he did things seemed to calm down. Jory was continuing to look at me with those judgmental eyes of his. I wish this annoying old man would just leave me the fuck alone. Why does he look at me like that? He didn't know a damn thing about my life or my mother. He wanted to pretend like he did but I was always with my mother. He never was.

Jory finally smiled, “I'm sorry Neiman. You're right. We aren't here to fight and argue. Everything has a time. What's the saying Barka?”

“...There is a time to reap and a time to sow,” Barka continued.

Jory nodded, “Yes. A time to reap. We mustn't let a few bad times take away. AJ looking at you I love you. I love you and I know that scares the hell out of you. You are so beautiful. Your chinky eyes. You look just like your mother. I used to call her China Doll. My beautiful China Doll. All the love that I had for her I have for you.”

I don't want your love old man.

I didn't say that to him though. I just stayed quiet respecting Neiman's wish for no more fighting. I put my head in my food and continued to eat.

I woke up the next day and walked down stairs. As I opened my bowl of cereal I realized someone else was in the kitchen with me. I looked over at the sink to see Nima with her stuck down the sink. She was throwing up. It wasn't just a little bit either. She was puking a ton. I looked at her with the weirdest look. I put the cereal back down losing my appetite. Barka had walked in the room saw Nima throwing up and immediately walked right back out of the room. I didn't blame her. I wanted to walk out of the room too but then Nima caught an eye of me.

“You not going to rub my back?” she asked.

She was such a baby.

“She's been doing that all morning,” Neiman stated taking a seat.

I walked over to her and started rubbing her back. Why the hell was I being nice to this girl? She was an alcoholic idiot. Her puke wasn't even like normal looking. It was crazy.

“Did you go out last night?” I asked.

“No.”

“Well you drunk last night didn't you?”

“Of course,” Nima said between throw ups, “I drink every damn night.”
I shook her head, “Look Nima. I'm no doctor. I'm no philosopher. I'm no saint either. I am just thinking that maybe you should...I don't know...slow down. You know?”
“You must be Jory's blood,” she stated shaking her head, “The nagging to stop drinking.”

“I think any human being with a conscience would tell you the same thing.”

Nima shook her head, “Our vices are different. Just because your vices aren't alcohol don't mean that you are different from me. I am an alcoholic demon, born from a lesbian womb, raised out into this world to be born and raised HIGH. I'm a dragon. I need another drink to get rid of this hangover.”

She walked away at that moment.

She was still drunk. How do you have a hangover when you were still drunk? How are you still drunk at 11 am in the morning. I looked over at Neiman and went to sit next to him.

“We need to do something about your sister,” I stated, “She's going to end up killing herself.”
Killing herself. I didn't know how close to home I had hit Neiman until I saw his facial reaction. He had almost killed himself not too long ago. Neiman took a deep breath. It was almost as though it was something heavy that was on his chest. I could tell it was bothering him. Neiman was so much like me in a way. I wasn't mute but sometimes I wished I could be just like Neiman. I wished I could just ignore the world around me.

He shook his head, “I found an AA meeting at the local church on Barker street. I go there every Saturday. I talked to her about it but she wasn't having it. She doesn't listen to me...”

“I didn't know you went to a meeting every Saturday.”

“I didn't know you had a job until yesterday. Guess we get out without letting the other know,” he stated.”

He did have a point. I had been keeping the fact that I had a job away from the others. I wondered if it bothered any of them that I was working with the Crystals. If it had bothered them no one had made a funny remark about it yet.

“Are you going to try again?”

“Maybe Vice can. Him and Nima are way closer than I am with Nima. If anyone can convince her to do it Vice can.”

“Have you asked him?”
“I was kind of hoping you would.”

“Vice hates me.”

“But he loves Nima. They spend a lot of time together. I figure you speak your mind a lot better than I do. Jaime is having a fundraiser over on the shore for the local STD center. I know Vice is going to be there. Maybe you can ask him then.”
Jaime hadn't asked me to attend any fundraiser. Truth was I didn't blame him. I had been pretty rude during the dinner that we had. I could see if he was a little upset.

I ended up going with Neiman to the fundraiser later that day. I didn't mind being seen with Neiman. He was quiet but he had this cool laid back vibe about him that made him very comfortable to be quiet around. It wasn't an uncomfortable awkward silence like other people had. I didn't feel like I had to say something all the time. With Neiman it was expected that you didn't need to say much.

The fundraiser seemed to be really on small basis.

I saw Vice, Roman, Jaime and Barka selling a whole bunch of different things. It kind of made me smile seeing them giving back like that. It was the first time that I saw Roman and Vice since that dinner as well. It was clear they were still together. I watched their interaction from a distance. I watched how Roman would always touch Vice's waist as he walked past. Vice would smile at him.

I wondered if Roman even thought about me.

“You ok?” Neiman asked.

“Why do you ask that?”

“You are looking at Roman again.”
What the fuck was up with the Vanities and getting in my business. It was clear Neiman was assuming something. He was right as well. That was the part that really fucked with me. He was so right. I couldn't stand Roman over there with Vice.

Luckily a voice had come out of no where and surprised me. It was actually XO. He was standing with Lombardi and they walked over to us.

“Hey you...” XO stated as he walked up to me.

“Hey...”

“I haven't seen you in a few days.”

We were getting too close, I thought. I needed to keep my distance from you and keep my sanity.

All that came out of my mouth was, “I'm just a little busy lately. Hey this is...”

I turned around to introduce Neiman but I realized he was gone. I hadn't even seen him leave. It was like he took off like some sort of ghost or something. As soon as it happened though I remembered the history that Neiman had with them.

“Huh?” XO asked.

I shook my head, “Nevermind.”

“So you guys her for the charity?” I ask.

XO shook his head, “More like I heard you were going to be here and Lombardi heard Jaime was going to be here.”

I looked over at Lombardi. He wasn't even paying attention to our conversation. He was staring over at Jaime the entire time. Jaime hadn't noticed him. Jaime had set up his booth closer to the sands where a couple of people had gathered around to get condoms and testing information. He seemed to be having a ball too. It seemed like it was Jaime's thing to give back and he was in his natural environment.

“Why would you want to see me?” I asked.

XO shook his head, “You really don't get it do you? You are probably the most emotionally detached guy I've ever met in my life.”

“This coming from a stuck up guy whose had everything handed to him in life on a silver platter?” I snapped back.

“Whoa...calm down. What the hell is your problem?”

“I don't feel like your comment was amusing.”

At first I thought he was just going to back down. I mean XO didn't seem like the argumentative type. Instead he frowned up his face and snorted, “You been hanging out with those Vanities too much man. You acting real crazy. Don't blame me because you are emotionally unstable.”

“Are you kidding me right now?”

“No. You are emotionally unstable. That's what happens when you hang out with people like that. You need to start hanging with people like Lombardi and me. We are normal.”

Emotionally unstable.

It burned.

“Have a nice day.”

I walked away and made my way towards the booth where I saw Neiman had escaped to. XO was an idiot. He had blinded himself to this concept of normal. I wondered what he had really thought being normal meant. It meant that he didn't have to deal with any issues he's had in his past. He's never had issues. That was normal. He didn't have to deal with things. Everything was beautiful in his life.

I didn't know why it made me so mad. Was I jealous of XO? Was I jealous because I wanted to be what he was so badly but I couldn't? Could this be resentment?

“Hey,” Jaime stated, “Didn't know you were going to show up.”

“I wasn't invited.”

“Hey AJ!”

I was surprised when I looked at my right to see it that it was Vice who had spoken to me. What was that all about? Vice never spoke to me. He even smiled and walked over and patted me on the back. He didn't stick around though. He was on his way over to Roman.

He grabbed Roman by the side of the face. The two kissed in front of me. It was a long kiss and seemed to actually be passionate.

At the end of it I realized Roman was looking over at me.

“Hey,” he echoed his lover.

I smiled an uncomfortable smile. I wondered if he could tell but I had tried to keep the fake smile on as long as I could so he didn't think anything fishy about it. I couldn't keep looking in his eyes for more then a second though. They were too deep.

“What the fuck is your problem!”

At that moment I saw XO walk up to me. He had shoved me around hard. It reminded me of something. It reminded me of when I was 12 and Biggie had turned me around hard like that. Biggie had shoved me around because I was walking away from him. He had burned me with an iron that same night. I had the mark still outlined on my back.

The reaction scared the hell out of me. I pushed XO hard back to get away from me.

That was when I saw someone push past me and push XO even harder than I had pushed him. I realized almost immediately that it was Roman. He had followed up with my push so hard that XO fell flat on his ass in the sand.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!”

At that moment Lombardi had walked over. He had his chest stuck out but he was a pretty boy. He looked like a pretty boy and I knew Roman wouldn't have a problem beating the hell out of him. Still XO had jumped back up almost as quickly as he had been pushed down and was next to Lombardi.

“Ya might want to back down,” Jaime stated.

He stood next to Roman's left. Vice and Neiman, surprisingly, appeared to back Roman up on his right. It was clear that XO and Lombardi were outnumbered and XO took the clue. I watched as Lombardi kept looking at Jaime and Jaime was obviously avoiding his look. Jaime was looking at XO instead.

“We don't fight. We aren't Havoks,” XO stated shaking his head, “I just want to talk to AJ.”

“He'll send a fucking messenger when he wants to talk,” Roman pointed his finger directly at XO, “Fall back, you motherfucking-”

“Roman,” Vice stated pulling him away.

I could tell Roman was easily worked up. XO gave me a look but didn't say anything else. It was clear that he was somewhat intimidated by Roman. He didn't even argue back with him. I guess whatever had happened between the two of them had made him differently all of a sudden.

For some reason I was thankful that the Vanities had my back. I didn't know why but I just felt thankful. I had stuck around to help them finish raising the rest of the money. I was surprised how positive it was. Everyone was positive...besides me. Vice wasn't making smart ass comments. Roman seemed let his anger issues subside, Neiman was helping out collecting money and Jaime was being more than successful with this. It felt like we were actually doing something good.

“Hey I heard what you did with Roman,” Vice stated.

I looked over at him confused. Why would Roman tell Vice what I did? Why did he just take the credit for himself? The stranger thing was why would Vice be cool with another guy setting up Roman's date for him. I didn't pretend to even understand these guys though.

“I owed him,” I replied.

“Oh. Regardless of your motivation. It was a smart move. Real smart move.”

His word choice was strange. It was almost this superior tone he had to his voice as though he was trying to intimidate me. Was he hinting at the idea that I may have done this because I was afraid of him or something?

“Um...I was wondering if you can have a talk with Nima. Maybe you can suggest she go to an AA meeting with Neiman,” I suggested.

Vice gave me a weird look, “Why do you care about Nima?”

I had been asking myself the same question. Why did I feel so responsible for her?

“I just do. I don't know.”

“I'll think about it.”
He walked away but for some reason I had a feeling that he was just blowing smoke up my ass. I don't know what made Neiman think that Vice gave a fuck about anyone else but himself. He had shown that by hurting Roman's feelings time and time again. Sooner or later it was actually Roman who came over to talk. We were done by now. Neiman was packing up. Jaime and Vice were having a conversation with a bunch of people who had helped them organize the event. Roman had walked over bringing me a bottle of water.

“You ok?” he asked me.

“Yeah. I'll be fine,” I said smiling.

“I'm glad you're done with that bitch,” Roman stated almost immediately, “You don't need to be fucking with him.”

“I'm not done with him.”

Roman gave me a look, “AJ...”

I gazed out at the beach. The water crashed against the shore. It was beautiful.

I shook my head at him, “What? Don't worry. I'm not going to be tied down. I'm never going to be tied down...ever...”

He was quiet for a minute. We looked at the water crashing on the shore as it hit. I wondered what he was thinking about. I was kind of sure the conversation was over and that he would probably just walk away in a minute or two. He didn't walk away though. He stood around.

“I'm not saying you should never get tied down,” Roman stated, “I used to be just like you. I couldn't imagine the idea of being tied down to someone. I didn't want all that bullshit. I felt like it made you weak, you know?”

“And then you found Vice and it was happily ever after.”

Roman looked back at me.

“Don't be funny. You know damn well that it was no where like that. Vice is probably the reason why I felt like love is wack in the first place. You are handsome. You are smart and strong. You are mysterious. People are drawn to that. You shouldn't give up on love.”

My heart was beating fast.

Why the fuck did my heart beat this fast every time I looked at him? His eyes were beady in the darkness. His shoulders were broad and his little muscular arms out. His lips were probably the best part of him. They were so full and kissable. He parted them a little bit when he smiled at me.

“So as fucked up as you are, you are my own personal psychotherapist?”

He laughed. I'm glad he took it as a joke because I had meant it that way. I didn't laugh with him though but only because I was so caught up in enjoying how beautiful he looked when he laughed. His teeth were so white and he pulled his mouth all the way open when he laughed.

He had a perfect smile.

“I can be that for you if you want to. Or I can just be like your big brother and guide you through this thing called life.”

He wasn't my big brother. I wasn't a fucking Vanity. Vice was a goddam Vanity. Go be a big brother to Vice and stop kissing him all the damn time.
“Is that how you look at me?”
He shrugged his shoulders, “By now I think that is the precedent we set for one another. Wouldn't you agree?”

He was such a slick fucking talker. He laughed at that time as well as though knowing how slick he was talking. I didn't know what that shit meant.

I just smiled giving in, “Thanks for the talk big brother.”

He smiled back and walked away. I watched as he walked away. I had been a fool to give up on someone like him so easily but I wasn't going to keep beating myself up about it like that. I watched as him and Vice held hands. Vice was probably riding home with him on the back of the motorcycle.

We had gotten to the house. Roman and Vice hadn't waited for us to get home They hadn't been hanging out with the family much since they got back together. They always did their OWN thing. They got back to the house via Roman's bike before he rest of us. I could see Roman's eyes though when we got back to the house and met them parking their bike. Roman had hope. I could see it in his eyes. He had hope that maybe this time would be different from all the other times. I wondered if it would be. Even Jaime had made a few comments back on the shore how things were a little different.

Barka shook her head as we walked in the door, “Jesus take the wheel!”

“You ok, Barka?” Jaime asked.

“No ma'am I'm not...”

She was scaring me. For a moment Jaime and Neiman were looking at each other as though the worst had happened. Had the old man finally died. Barka was just walking back and forth. Obviously something had just happened and she was panicking.

“What the fuck is it Barka, calm down!” Roman roared.

She finally took a deep breath, “It's your sister. Nima hasn't been having hangovers hunny. Bitch, I knew that girl when she was drinking her first cups. Ms. Nima holds her liquor, yes she does. She loves it too much to throw up the way she's been doing.”

“What are you saying?” Vice asked.

Neiman was the one who answered, “She's pregnant ain't she?”

Barka nodded, “I was suspecting it so I got her a pregnancy stick. You know the dollar kind. Honey, when I tell you this bitch when green and I motherfucking gagged a motherfucking kidney.”
Roman let out the biggest sigh I had ever seen. Neiman just stood there but Jaime and Vice both had their mouths drop open. I didn't know how to respond. I was just more confused then ever. Barka was looking at Jaime for some advice but it was clear that Jaime was clueless.

“Am I missing something? Isn't Nima a lesbian?”

“Not when she's drunk hunny,” Barka stated.

No one combated that idea. I rolled my eyes. I didn't even know what to say. The room had gotten quiet as it done after all the dramatic crazy moments in the Vanity house. A part of me couldn't help but to laugh a little bit. Were these people serious? Now a baby was due? A frigging baby!
Jaime was the first to break the awkward silence as usual, “Does the old man know?”

“He was there when she took the test. Then she went upstairs and locked herself in her room,” Barka repeated, “You know this isn't healthy for Father Jory.”

Vice shook his head, “Whose the dad?”

Barka shrugged.

Roman just shook his head, “I swear to God. This is NOT happening right now. Nima is too young to be having kids. She can't put down a bottle long enough to sober up let alone have a kid.”
I looked over at Neiman, “Neiman had a great idea to get her into church for an AA meeting. We never got a chance to talk to her about it again.”

Jaime shook his head, “Ok, I'll do it.”

Barka put her hand in front of him, “No...she don't want to see you.”

“What?”

Barka continued to talk, “She told me she don't want to see no body. If I let anyone up there she was going to throw herself down them steps. You know she's lost it up there. The only person she said she would let come see her is AJ if he wanted to go.”

“Me?”

“Him?” Vice asked, almost as confused as I was.

It didn't make sense. Vice was the closest to Nima. Jaime was the responsible one. Neiman was her twin brother and blood brother. Barka was the one who probably knew about these feminine things. Why would she want me of all people?

“That's what she said,” Barka stated.

They all looked at me. I wondered if they thought I would have just refused to go up. Half of me kind of wondered if I should go up there though. I knew nothing about pregnancy. As I got up the stairs I went to her room. Nima's room was all the way on the third floor next to Neiman's room. I found the room and gave it a few knocks. I tried the knob and found out that it actually was not locked.

Nima's room was a mess. It was like a Hurricane had just tore through the entire room. There were clothes everywhere. She had broken two lamps and torn down the wall décor. I found her bundled up in a bunch of clothes that were on the wall.

I rolled up next to her and held her.

She cried in my shoulder. She cried the same way that she cried at the hospital. I knew then that that was probably what she wanted the most. She wanted someone to baby her like I did in the hospital and when she was having her morning sickness.

“You'll be ok,” I stated.

“No I won't. I fucked up this time.”

I shook my head, “No, I mean do you know how many girls have babies? It happens all the time.”

“No...no...AJ. I REALLY fucked up. Like I've done something really bad.”

Could this be worse?

I shook my head in confusion, “What are you saying Nima?”

“Weeks ago before you came I had gotten drunk. It was usual drunk. Everything was usual except I did something that I normally didn't do. And you know it wasn't my fault. I was so drunk I couldn't even remember it until halfway after it was happening. By then it was too late. You know?”

“Nima spit it out.”

“I had sex with Vice. This is his baby.”