Date: Sun, 6 Jan 2013 17:31:35 -0800 From: juilian james Subject: what makes a family chapter 19 WHAT MAKES A FAMILY BY: Julien This story is 100% fictional and is by no means depictive of the life of any person, place or thing. It contains sexual activities between males and should only be read if it is legal to do so in your area. Read at your own risk and enjoy. Comments are welcomed at juniorj009@gmail.com and would be very much appreciated. ENJOY! This will be a short mini series of sort. Comments are always appreciated. Thanks. J. JAMES I don't know why I bothered calling him. It wasn't as if I couldn't have gone out and got me some dick without all the complications. I used to do it all the damn time before my relationship with Neil. In fact, I was quite the playa. I could just roll up outside some spot, go in and before you know it, have some dude riding my cock or sucking my dick. I could have gone that route tonight??..but I didn't. I hadn't gone cruising for sex in almost 15 years and just the thought of trolling a club at my age left me with a bad taste in my mouth. With that said though, I was horny as hell and his name was the first one I had thought of?.well?.maybe the second. I looked outside the window of the diner for the tenth time in twenty minute, my patience growing thin. He had said he could be there in five minutes??..at least fifteen minutes had passed. And as I contemplated getting up and dragging my ass home, he came through the door, a broad smile plastered across his face. I felt my pants tighten as he approached me. "James, damn you look good enough to eat??.so glad you called man." His eyes raked over me, no hidden agenda there. It was clear what he wanted. I stood up and shook his hand. "Dorian, glad you could come. I know it's late?." He silenced me with a finger to my lips before leaning in and whispering into my ear, "I would fucking walk through 10 inches of snow to have this opportunity. You know how long I've waited for you to give me a chance." And he was right. This dude had been feeling me for a long time, for at least a decade. And while I had had no interest in him whatsoever back then, now was definitely a different matter. He pulled away from me and took the seat opposite me as we both sat down. "You hungry?" I asked, not bothering to look at the menu. I wasn't really in the mood for food anyway. "Not really." His eyes met mine and the lust in them was obvious. Oh yeah, we were gonna get it in tonight. "So why did you want to meet at a diner?" He leaned across the table and ran his finger over my hand, his eyes not leaving mine. "Because I wanted to get a chance to talk to you before we??got together. I didn't want this to be a one time thing James. I don't think you have any idea how bad I want you, how long I've waited for this chance?..you have no fucking clue." And to hear his candidness, hear his lust, his wanting me so bad, I didn't know what to think. I wanted some release and I knew that Dorian would have given it to me good but I didn't want any commitments, any promises, any expectations. But I didn't know how to express all of that to him so I kept my mouth shut. He took this as his cue to continue speaking, "I've been so damn attracted to you James. Ever since I met you. There's just something about your coffee complexion, your deep soulful eyes, your full lips, your body, shit man, your very presence. I know sex with you would be fucking amazing. I've wanted you for so fucking long, but you've never even looked my way." He looked at him, as if expecting an explanation so I took a deep breath and gave him one. "You know I was in a relationship man." "And look where that got you. You got with a stuck up asshole that didn't appreciate you, couldn't keep you happy, satisfied. You should have taken me up on my offer back then." And for a second I had to make sure I was hearing right. I know that Neil and I were no longer together, but it left a bad taste in my mouth that someone else was talking shit about him?..i wasn't cool with that shit and I let my feelings be known. "Ease up Dorian. You don't want to go there ok. Me and Neil??..it's between me and Neil. You don't know anything about us and our relationship." He held up his hands in front of him before speaking, "?..looks like I hit a sore topic, sorry. Look, you're right, lets not talk about your ex. Lets focus on us. You, me, the future?." He let his statement hang in the air. And there the two of us sat, across from each other, not saying another word. And if it wasn't for the ringing of my cell phone, we probably would have stayed that way for quite some time. I broke the gaze first and reached for my phone which was attached to my belt. Without looking, I hit the talk button. "James here." For a full 30 seconds or so, all I could hear was yelling in the background and then something that sounded like glass shattering. I felt a familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach that slowly started to spread as a familiar voice finally spoke at the other end. "Dad, you gotta get over here now, shit, I don't know what to do." His voice was filled with panic and for a second I forgot that I was talking to a man of almost 18. "What the fuck is going on David, what the hell is all that yelling. Are you ok?" By this time all sort of scenarios were playing out in my head. "Yeah, I'm fine, it's dad. I'm over at his place. That son of a bitch is here too. He and dad are going at it and I don't know what to do. I was gonna call the cops" "David who else is there? What are you talking about?" "Dad, please, just come over here and I'll explain it when you get here, please. They're going at it and I'm afraid someone is gonna get hurt." And that's all I need to hear. I ended the call, grabbed my coat and stood up. Looking down at Dorian I could see that he was surprised and if I had looked even deeper, I'm sure I would have seen a tinge of annoyance also. This was the second time that we were being interrupted. "Man, I gotta go?.it's David?..i'm sorry" He didn't respond immediately but I could tell by his body language that he was none too happy with me. His words after several seconds only served to confirm that. "Are we ever gonna have time together? If its not shit with David, then it's shit with Neil. When do I get in on the action?" His words annoyed the shit out of me and I had to take a deep breath to keep from saying anything. I just didn't have the time to deal with this at the moment. A booty call just wasn't worth the aggravation. "Look man, I think you may be misreading this whole situation but I can't deal with this right now. I gotta go." I didn't wait for a response but instead walked out, leaving behind a bewildered Dorian probably thinking, 'what the fuck just happened?' The drive over to Neil's apartment took less than 15 minutes and the whole time all sort of questions floated through my mind. 'Was David hurt?' 'Was Neil hurt?' 'What the fuck was going on?' I had a feeling that David had never told me the whole story of what really went down with him and his dad but I didn't have the time to dwell on that as before I knew it, I was in front of our old apartment. I found a parking spot in front of the building and quickly turned off the engine. Within minutes I was standing in front of the door, ringing the bell incessantly, calling for my son. "David, it's me, open up! David?? David!" It seemed like a lifetime before the door opened and Neil stood in front of me , eyes red rimmed and lip split. It looked like he had gotten into it with someone pretty bad. Instinct had me pushing my way in and walking from room to room, looking for David and the son of a bitch that had probably caused Neil's facial injuries. "What the fuck is going on? Are you ok? What happened to Neil's face? Who did this?" All my questions came at once as soon as I had found David in his room, sitting on his bed, knees drawn up to his chest. He looked up at me and ran a hand across his face, as if trying to sober up. "I'm tired dad." Those three little words had my chest tightening and my breathing quickening. And for the first time in a long time, I found myself unable to respond. Looking at David just sitting there, sounding so much like a little boy, it hurt me. I wondered if things would always be this unstable. Would this be our new reality from now on? Drama at every turn? This uneasy tension between me and Neil? Me not knowing what would happen from day to day? This kind of living was stressing me the fuck out and I didn't know how to fix things. I sat on the edge of the bed and ran my hand over his knee. "I know David, I know. Get some sleep kid, we'll talk more in the a.m., ok?" He responded by sliding his body down unto the bed until he was flat on his back. He then rolled over on his side, facing the wall, away from me. I leaned over him and planted a kiss on the top of his head before walking out of his room, flipping the light switch off as I passed it. Walking into the living room I saw Neil seated on the sofa, eyes glazed over, a shell shocked expression plastered over his worn out face. I did the only thing I could and sat next to him, draping my arm across his shoulders and pulling him into me. He didn't object and for that, I was grateful. Now was definitely not the time for us to start an argument. For a few minutes, all we did was just sit there, the body heat flowing between us, no words spoken and then suddenly, I felt it. The wetness on my neck as the floodgates opened and Neil started to sob. I should have felt awkward, after all, it had been a while since Neil had broken down in front of me but surprisingly, I wasn't. This moment, right here, right now, felt strangely normal and rational to me. And it was as if the past two years hadn't happened. "If that fucker comes around here again I'm gonna fuck him up so bad. If he so much as puts his hand on either of you??" I let my words hang in the air, afraid of where they would end up, afraid of the conviction in them. Neil's body further relaxed into mine as his sobbing slowed, his body finding its place as if it was right at home and I found myself having to discretely readjust myself. It had definitely been too damn long since I had felt a man's body against my own. We sat there in virtual quiet, the only sounds coming from Neil's occasional sniffle. I was tempted to say something but I was at a loss for words. I mean, what else was there to say? The choice was taken away from me though as Neil started to speak, "I hate him so much. I fucking hate him. I can't believe I didn't see him for the asshole he was. How could I let someone like that near my son? What kind of parent am I?" The self-hatred would come now. It would come hard and it would come fast. Neil was after all his own worst critic. Always has been, always would be. I waited for him to continuing speaking and when he didn't, I cleared my throat and spoke up. "You're human babe. You fucked up, we all do but what that asshole did is his fault, not yours. You can't be responsible for someone else's fucked up behavior." "I know??but?..i should have seen the signs, I should have believed David. How could I take the word of a stranger over my own fucking son. No wonder he hates me. I fucking hate me." His self loathing was as pitiful as pitiful could get but i knew that this was where Neil was at. His therapist had said as much. He had told us at the last session that this whole thing would be a difficult process. One that would challenge the both of us, force us to be honest and open with our flaws. For me, the adjustment had been a pain in the ass but not as life changing as it seemed to have been for Neil. For as i didn't give a shit about what other people thought, and i was secure in who i was as a person, Neil was that scared little boy inside, always seeking approval from somewhere. In my mind I couldn't help but think to myself, 'when will this end? When would Neil eventually hit his brick wall? When would he finally have his breakthrough moment where he finally realized that you can't live your life for someone else and expect to be happy?' I mean, what was next, an in-treatment program? "Neil, remember what the Dr said. Positive talks, positive walks. You gotta let go of that negative shit inside your head. What's done is done and you can either move forward or move back." He didn't respond so i assumed he was either taking in my words or ignoring them. But before i could harp on which was taking place, he surprised the hell out of me by angling his face upwards and leaning into me, connecting his lips to mine. It happened so quickly that for a minute, i thought i was imagining this whole scenario. A moan escaped my lips and Neil responded reaching his hands up to cradle my face. The gesture was so tender, so reminiscent of the early part of our courtship that i was tempted to continue but i knew better. Getting into another emotional and sexual entanglement with Neil was not good for anyone, and above all, it wouldn't be real. Maybe if things were calmer, more normal, more rational, we could make an educated decision about us, but now, when shit was as fucked up as they were, any decision we made regarding us would be an irresponsible one. I pushed him away and backed up into the furthest part of the couch. "Neil, we can't." My voice was solemn and i felt bad about my words but i knew it was the right thing to do. "I know." "It's not you, it's not me, it's just the situation, it's fucked up.....bad. We'd both regret it in the morning, and then there's David. He's so damn pissed with us as it is." I could have probably gone on and on if Neil hadn't stood up and turned his body away from me, most likely from embarrassment of the whole thing. "I know......you're right. You're always right. Maybe you should go, I don't think he's gonna be back tonight and if he does, I'm gonna do what I should have done in the first place." I could tell from his body language that he didn't want me to go, didn't want to be alone. And I knew that if I left now, he probably would not have been able to get any shut eye. I was also willing to admit to myself that I'd feel better if I stayed, if anything, to make sure that they were safe. "No, I don't want to take any chances. If it's ok with you, I'll stay, sleep on the couch and in the a.m. I'll go. Don't have to be in the office till 1 anyway. If it's gonna make you uncomfortable??." I let my words hand in the air, giving him an opening to opt out, if that was what he wanted. But instead he turned his body towards me and shook his head. "No, it's fine, I appreciate it James. I'll probably sleep better knowing you're out here. I always have." At his words, his eyes briefly met mine before diverting again. I wasn't sure how to respond so I didn't. "I'll go get you some sheets and a pillow." And with that, he walked in the direction of the bedroom, our old bedroom. And as I waited for his return, I had to force myself to quell that quesy feeling that was beginning to envelope me. DAVID Getting out of bed and getting ready for school was the last thing that I wanted to be doing but this being my senior year and 4 months to graduation, I had no choice. I couldn't afford to slack on my attendance or school work, not if I wanted to keep my partial scholarship. Yeah, that's right. I had earned a partial scholarship to any city school of my choice but I hadn't decided if I wanted to go to a school so close to home, especially if it meant I would have to live at home and commute. That was probably one of the reasons that I hadn't spoken to James or my dad about it. James would have probably been cool about the whole thing, probably telling me to 'do me' but my dad, he would lay the guilt trip on me, wanting me to stay close to home, close to him, close to all this shit. I had some other choices too, Binghampton University, USF, Penn State, MIT all good options but in all honesty, I had no fucking clue what I wanted to major in or even if I wanted to go to college. My college counselor had advised me that liberal arts was my best shot but I wasn't sure that I wanted to waste my time doing something for 4 years that didn't mean shit to me. The military was another option that I was looking into but I hadn't has an opportunity to discuss it with James, not sure if I ever would. As I dragged myself into the bathroom to take a shower, I shook all thoughts of college and the military out of my head. "Hey kid." His voice scared the shit out of me and I found myself jumping back. I looked in the direction of the walk in closet and noticed his face, partially hidden in the darkness. "Jesus James, you scared the shit out of me!" He laughed at my words, reaching up to turn on the light, before walking out, a towel wrapped around his waist. "Sorry about that David. Just trying to grab shower before everyone got up." I must have been staring at him as if he had two heads for he followed up those words with, "I slept on the sofa. Didn't want to take any chances with......just wanted to make sure you guys were ok." I nodded my head and averted my stare to look past him, focusing on the dingy window in our lone bathroom. I made no move to continue speaking and neither did he. After what seemed like an eternity, he cleared his throat and spoke, "Let me hop in there and then it's all yours. I'll give you a ride to school so you won't be late. Maybe we'll stop off at Ihop for breakfast or something." I knew that was guy code for, 'let's have a serious talk' and while i wasn't looking forward to doing that, i knew that the quicker i got that conversation out of the way, the better things would be. As he stepped into the shower, I took the opportunity to step out of the bathroom and head back to my room My appetite was non existent but to avoid the suspicious glare of James, i shoveled another forkful of pancakes into my mouth. At this time of the morning, IHOP was surprisingly packed and i had hoped that this would give me the out for this conversation. But as James set his plate to the side and drank the last of his coffee, i knew it was not to be. He folded his hands together and cleared his throat before making eye contact, capturing my full and undivided attention. "So......what happened." Those three little words terrified me and left my palms feeling clammy. I could feel little beadlets of sweat begin to accumulate on my back and i knew that before long, i would begun to flush in the face. I didn't know where to start or how much information to give so i just gave the facts of what had happened, leaving nothing out. SEVERAL HOURS EARLIER "David, son, i'm glad you're here.....i've missed you." I could see from his facial expression and body language that he was ready to break down but something held him back, maybe the possibility that another crying fest would lead me to walk the fuck out. Whatever it was, it kept him in check as his words continued, "I......I know that i have been a shitty father since everything happened, i know that. I know that i haven't been there for you the way that you've needed me to be. I've been in a real bad place David, a real bad place......but......but I'm getting it together David, I really am....... His words trailed off and his eyes looked at me expectantly, maybe looking for some sort of reaction from me, some sort of gauge to see where my head was at. But if there was one thing that I had learned from James over the past few months that i was living with him, it was this, 'never let them know what you were thinking'- the infamous poker face. I just stared back at him and watched as he shuffled from one leg to the other, obviously nervous. Something inside of me softened and i looked away, allowing him to do the same, before walking over to the sofa and sitting down. He still stood there, not sure what to do, as if he were afraid of what my reaction would be. It was then that i fully realized how far south our relationship had gone - my own father afraid to interact normally around me. I made a decision then and there to take helm of the conversation, no matter how uncomfortable I was, for I knew deep down that James was right. I really didn't want to wake up one morning and realize that years had passed and the relationship between me and my father was unrepairable or worse yet, he was gone and no amount of regret could bring him back, leaving me with words left unsaid. " I know you're sorry. you've said it enough times. It is what it is. I don't think I can ever forget all the shit that you put me through but......I promised James i would come here and at least talk to you, so that's what I'm doing." I knew I probably came across as cold and uncaring but that was far from the truth. I did care, I just didn't want him to know that. He finally walked over to where I sat and sat down opposite me on the couch, his eyes finally meeting mine. "I appreciate you coming here, hearing me out. I know its the last place you probably want to be but I'm glad you came. I....I fucked up David. I really did. I chose to believe some asshole over you. I made a mistake because i was....i was lonely after James. I didn't know how to handle being alone again. I wanted so bad to capture that feeling that James and I had that i forgot that my number one priority should have been you." He paused for a moment probably hoping that i would interject, but i remained quiet. "I spoke to him. He told me what he did to you. I suspect that he left out some things but it doesn't matter. He's a liar and i told him that the next time he comes near you i was gonna kill him. I don't know what else to do David. I don't know how else to earn your trust." As his words begun to sink in, i couldn't help but feel a lump begin to form in my throat. I didn't expect that, nor did i expect an overwhelming feeling of sadness to wash over me. In all honesty, i felt like crying but i forced myself not to. "He didn't deserve you. You could do so much better. I don't give a shit if he is a doctor or not." My words were barely audible but i knew from his facial expression that he had heard them loud and clear. He shifted uncomfortable in his spot and averted his gaze. We remained silent for what seemed like forever when suddenly the tranquility of the moment was broken by a knock on the door. My dad cleared his throat and got up from his spot on the sofa, walking down the narrow hallway towards the door. From my place on the sofa I could hear hushed indistinguishable voices and then the sudden outburst of profanity coming from my dad. "You have no fucking right to come here. Are you out of your fucking miind?!? My son's here" "I just want to talk to you Neil...please.....you're not answering my calls or texts, you avoid me when i try to talk to you. What the hell was i supposed to do? I love you dammit. I want to work things out." And just hearing his voice, so winy, so damn pathetic, sent chills running up and down my spine. Who the fuck did he think he was just coming here. "You're not coming in here Tim. We're done, it's over. And if i see you anywhere near my son or me, I'll call the cops, or better yet, your boss at the hospital." I had never heard my dad speak to anyone as forcefully as he did the bastard and to say it somehow quelled some of the anxiety that i was feeling would be an understatement. I got up from the sofa and walked towards the front door. At first, all I saw was my dad's back as his body blockaded the door. But in a split second, he twisted his body and my eyes connected with Tim's. The look he gave me sent chills running down my spine and for a minute, I felt as if I had come face to face with someone who had a split personality. Gone was the calm demeanor that he had presented when my dad first introduced him to me, leaving in it's place a very cold and unfeeling vibe. I walked up to where he stood, standing shoulder to shoulder with my dad, my eyes never leaving his. "Get the fuck out of here you muthafucker! My dad doesn't want your stupid ass!" I was surprised at the ferocity of my words, especially since my dad was standing right next to me. But he neither flinched or gave me a second glance. Instead, his eyes stayed glued on him. "Tim, I swear to God??." "What??what are you gonna do if I don't leave, huh Neil. What are you gonna do? Cause I'm not leaving till we work this out. I don't care what lies he's spun for you but it's not true. I fucking love you!" His eyes remained on mine, as if taunting me to do something. I wanted so bad to knock him the fuck out but I knew that my any type of arrest on my part could seriously mess with my college plans and frankly, this fucker wasn't worth it to me. I was on the verge of responding to him when my dad did something so out of character for him that I found myself rooted in place. He slammed Tim up against the door jam with both hands. "You ever come to my home again or as much as look at my son the wrong way, I'll hurt you Tim. I swear to God I'll hurt you." And for a split second, I thought it was over and done with. My dad had made a move to close the door and I had begun to walk back into the living room when I heard he sounds of shuffling feet and turning back around, I saw Tim on top of my dad, pinning him to the ground. "Get off of him fucker!" I ran over to them and kicked Tim in the side, startling him. My dad at this point was able to push Tim off of him and get the upper hand, pinning him to the ground. "David, call 911!" I didn't have to be told twice. I ran to the phone and started to call the cops but changed my mind, punching in the number most familiar to me. After getting off the phone with him, I cautiously walked back to where my dad was and saw that he was sitting on the floor, his head resting between his legs, the front door still wide open. I quickly shut and locked it. I walked up to him, kneeling down next to him and gently placing my hand on his shoulder. "Dad?.jeez?..you ok?" He wouldn't look at me so I asked the question again. After a few minutes, he looked in my direction and I noticed that his lip was busted up pretty bad. "Dad?.." I started and stopped as he placed his hand on my shoulder, his eyes not quite meeting mine. "Fuck David, go to bed, please. I'll wait for the cops. We'll talk in the morning, I promise" He sounded so downtrodden that I didn't even fight him on the issue. I was tired, so fucking tired????of everything. I stood up and cleared the knot that was beginning to form in my throat. "I called James, he's coming over." I had expected some type of argument from him but surprisingly his only response to me was this, "I'll send him your way when he gets here?????..I'm sorry David?..so fucking sorry." I had no response to that so I did the only thing that I was good at doing, I walked away. Unlike times before when I was unable to read his expression, I was clearly able to decipher what he was feeling based on the tenseness of his shoulders and the brooding look plastered over his face. He was pissed to hell. "What's his number?" I knew what he was asking but I wasn't sure I wanted to give it to him. James being chill was a fun guy to be around. James being angry as shit was a scary sight and I didn't want to be responsible for him flying off the handle and doing something to that asshole because of me. "I don't have it." And it was as if he could sense I was lying through my teeth. He gave me that intimidating stare that he seemed to have perfected over the years but I refused to be phased. "Seriously dad, I don't have it. Please, just let it go. I don't think he's gonna come back. Dad laid into him pretty good???..you would have been proud." And I don't know if it was the mention that my dad had finally grown some balls and stood up for me or something else, but James started grinning like there was tomorrow and it was if the tension had left the table and had definitely left the room. "Is that so." His words hung in the air for a minute or so before he continued with, "I can't believe Neil got into a fight, blood and all. I told you he loves you. He might not be the best at showing it David, but when push comes to shove, your dad will do whatever it takes to keep you safe." And despite my denial for so long that my dad could give two shits about me, I knew that James was right, he did care. "I know." I said, barely getting my voice above a whisper. Looking at he clock above James' head, I saw that it was almost eight. "we gotta go, I have my first class in 30 minutes." He looked over at me and smirked before signaling the waitress for the check. "Glad to see you're not slacking off just because you're graduating. Keep it up and me and your dad may have to reconsider getting you a car." And the thought that I could be heading off to college in brand new wheels had me feeling giddy in a way that I had not felt in a long time. For the first time in over a year, I was beginning to feel like a normal teenager. "You serious? A car? A brand new car? Dad will never go through with that." James gave me a look of disbelief as he put money down on the table. "Obviously you don't know your dad well enough. Let me talk to him?..we'll get something worked out, ok?" "Ok." And that was the end of that as we both gathered our stuff and walked out of the restaurant.