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Get out, get out, get out!
Geez, what's taking them so long???
My mom and little sister have been eating breakfast for, like, an hour it seems...and I just wanted them to hurry up and leave. I've been looking forward to this moment, and now that it's here...these last few moments of anticipation are just...excruciating!
Today was one of those holidays that I got off from school but had absolutely no idea what the holiday was about. But, you know...time away from school. So you'll get no complaints out of me. My dad's already at work, my little sister, Candace, is going to spend the whole day over at a friend's place, and my mom will be dropping her off on the way to the office. That means...I'm going to have the whole house to myself today.
When you're fourteen...there is a surreal joy in having the whole house to yourself. Especially, today.
My older brother, Jack, went off to college last Fall, and he decided that he was going to get himself a brand new laptop. Something a bit more current, you know? How does this affect me? Well...he's giving me his old one. To KEEP! I never had my own laptop before. We only had one desktop computer for the whole house, and Candace and I had to share. My mom had a laptop, but it was mostly for work. Neither one of those options were going to be good for me. Not for what I wanted to look for.
Look...it's not like I've never seen porn before. I've seen...some stuff. Well, pictures mostly. And some soft core stuff on late night cable, which was kind of sexy...but it didn't show anything. And then there was that time when we snuck into Brian Webster's dad's closet to watch some old tapes that his dad kept hidden in a box under his old tax returns. Women with big boobs, mostly. And was everybody that hairy in the 70's? What the hell? Did we not fully finish evolving from apes until the mid 80's? Yikes!
But, the thing is...I was never really able to have the space or the privacy to search for something that would...ummm...'interest' me, if you know what I mean. Like...I may not give Amy, or Page, or even Jennifer Camber from school a second look...but Andy? Or Caleb? Or the super dreamy bod of Jordan Byers? I'd end up drooling all over myself to the point of dehydration. Yeah...they're just my kind of 'pretty'. And that's all that I'm going to say about that.
There were times when I was so desperate to satisfy my building curiosity that I was almost willing to risk getting caught. I guess you could say that I'm still trying to find a way to navigate around this little secret of mine. I have no plan for coming out to my family because...well, I don't think I've truly come out to myself yet. What would I even say to them? I like boys, sure. But I also used to have an obsession with dinosaurs and would put extra spoonfuls of sugar on my cereal in the morning. What if this is another one of those childhood fascinations that just...'fades away' over time? It's a little early in the game for me to think that I've got all of my thoughts and feelings straightened out about this sort of thing. But I think I'm going to figure a few more things out today...
...Once my mom and sister get OUT of the friggin' HOUSE!!! Arrrrghhh!!!
I was fidgeting like crazy, my heart beating rapidly as I obsessed over my premeditated sin. I was soooo hard already. Boys kissing boys is, like...the hottest thing EVER! And they'll be naked. And hopefully won't look like Chewbacca with a patchy case of mange! Come on...leave me alone...the laptop is already booted up...I spent time last night finding out how to virus protect my laptop and erase my browsing history when I was done...I just needed some damn privacy. Come on...just a few more minutes. I think I can wait that long. Can't I?
"Benji?" My mom called from downstairs.
"Yeah?" I answered back, my breath getting caught in the back of my throat. Is this it? Is she leaving???
"I'm taking Candace to her friend's house for the day. Are you sure you're going to be ok here all by yourself?"
Geez, what? Does she think I need a babysitter? I stood up and went to the top of the stairs, making sure to hide my excitement by angling myself upwards. I looked down and said, "Mom, I'll be fine. I swear."
She hesitated briefly, but then she said, "Alright. Well, don't get into any mischief up there. If you need me, I'll have my cell on me all day. Ok?"
"What mischief. I'm gonna watch some TV, play some Fortnight, maybe make a few bologna sandwiches...it'll be fine."
I saw Candace come to join her at the bottom of the steps with a backpack of goodies, and my mom added, "No having any friends over unless somebody else is here with you. You hear me?"
Hehehe, that's the LAST thing that she's got to worry about today! I don't want anybody around me at all. As soon as I hear her pull out of that driveway, I'm going to stroke myself so hard! And I'm going to do it again and again and keep going until the baby batter factory is completely drained of product.
Still, I found it my teenage duty to give her a passive eye roll regardless. "No friends over. Promise. Just go, already." Pull it back, Benji. Don't oversell it. If I seem too anxious, she'll get suspicious, want to stick around, and ruin everything.
"Ok. Call me if you need anything, honey. I'll be back around six. We'll order out for dinner..." She keeps talking! Go! Go away!
I nodded and tried to keep from squirming too much in front of her. And THEN...at long last...they walked outside and closed the door behind them.
Hearing the click and lock of that front door was probably the most erotic sound that I've ever heard in my whole life!
I only marveled at the silence for a few seconds before rushing back to my laptop and preparing myself for what was sure to be my biggest load of the day. I debated on whether I should leave my bedroom door open or not. I mean...nobody else was here, and I really wanted to make sure that I'd be able to hear anybody coming into the house unannounced. Just my luck...some stupid ROBBER will climb in through the window and catch me 'tugging the turkey neck' while stealing our valuables!
I chose to leave the bedroom door half opened and half closed. I think that might provide me some protection as well as some awareness, right? I don't know. I've got a massive boner right now. I don't have enough blood above the shoulders to think straight.
I made sure the blinds were closed, as well as the window. I used headphones...not those tiny little earbuds! Sometimes, they let sound escape, but this is sex! And I want to make sure to keep all of the associated moans and groans to myself. I wanted to hear it...I just didn't want anybody ELSE to hear it. Not even by accident. I usually kept some tissues nearby, but today I thought I'd use one of the free condoms that we got from Health class in school. They waste so many of those things on random bananas! They're lubricated, and smooth, and a little wet. Jacking off into a condom is so HOT! Well...I don't have anything to compare it to really...but it beats making a mess all over my chest and stomach and having to feel scummy all afternoon. I used socks before, but my mom is, like...a laundry Nazi! I can't keep coming up with excuses as to why my socks are so hard and crusty. God...parents are SO fucking NOSY!!!
I got my desk chair positioned in front of my laptop screen...glowing brightly with the promise of sensual adventures the likes that I've never seen before. I loosened my belt...unbuttoned my pants...lowered the zipper...and then felt the moist spot at the tip of my hardness as the soaked fabric of my briefs stuck out obscenely in front of me. God...I know that it felt 'naughty' for me to even be doing this...but it was hard to tell if it was guilt I was experiencing...or if it was turning me on even more. Because, this was happening. Nothing was going to stop that now. I might as well let my most savage instincts excite me, rather than embarrass me. Besides...who gets embarrassed with no audience, anyway? What would be the point?
I stretched the elastic enough to allow my rigid shaft to swiftly spring up to slap against my belly before standing out an upward angle. It was pulsing rhythmically in time with my fluttering heartbeat...awaiting some much needed attention. Yes! Finally! Alone at last!
I let my underwear drop down to my ankles, joining my crumpled up pants and socks as I sat my bare ass down in my desk chair. My God...there's nothing like the erotic chill you get from the first touch. I wrapped my soft fingers around my erection and just held it for a moment, giving it a squeeze as I slowly stroked my way up to the blushed tip. A clear puddle of sticky liquid emerging from my narrow slit as I forced the pre-orgasmic nectar to travel the six inches from my base to my tip. Sparse hairs, but enough to have faith that I was growing at a normal rate for my age. My balls hung between my legs with pride, resting softly on the leather material of my seat, eager to release their offering...but not before making me work for it.
Yes...everything about this private moment was absolutely perfect. And so it begins...
I felt as if I was suddenly overwhelmed with possibilities. What to look for...where to go...
I made sure to password protect the HELL out of this thing, in case somebody wanted to borrow my laptop or use it for something, only to end up snooping into something that I might have lingering in my files somewhere. Unh unh! Screw that! Stay out of my business. This is MINE! And it's not like I'm using it for any nefarious reasons or anything. I just...need a little 'fantasy fuel', that's all. It's not like I never jacked off before. I do it all the time. But...ummm...well, my fantasies are still a little bit 'tame' at this point in my life. I have ideas of what I'd love to do with other boys my age. Visions of kissing them on the mouth, or...like grabbing their butt and having them hump me on my bed and stuff. I even think about putting their boner in my mouth sometimes. I don't know why, but it just seems hot to me. I want to lick it, and suck it all over, and make him feel really good, you know? I dream about it all the time. But...if I had to be completely honest...I'm not really all that knowledgeable on how sex between two boys even works. I hear stuff about blowjobs and 'taking it in the ass', but...it's usually the butt of some dirty joke or an insult. It always sounds like something bad. I don't think sex with another boy would be bad at all. In fact, I'd give up every Christmas present under the tree for just ONE sexy experience with a cute boy. Just ONE.
I don't know. I just want to 'explore' a little bit. I'm so tired of being made to feel like sex is something to be feared and ashamed of. It's like making fun of somebody for wanting a delicious dessert after dinner. Who CARES what you think? I WANT it! My mouth waters at the very thought of it! And guess what? If I get a chance to get a slice of cheesecake after dinner...I' going to TAKE IT! I'm going to gobble it up and lick my lips and feel satisfied that I got a yummy taste of what I've been craving SOOOOO much for so long! I might even go back for seconds. Deal with it.
But...before I jump into all that craziness, I've got porn. That's my outlet. It's the only channel that I have for safely exploring my sexual urges until I evolve into a state where other options are available to me. Could be a few months, could be a few years. But I'll deal with that when the time comes. And I'll do it in my own way, at my own pace. I'm not in a rush, but I'm not going to dig my heels in the dirt trying to prevent it from happening either. So leave me alone and let me peek at some porn every now and then. Maybe I'll find something that I like. Or something that I want to try. Hell...I might even accidentally find out who I am in the process. It's possible, right?
Alright...so...here we are. My first time being free to look at whatever I want to look at. I started off with pictures of actors that I thought were particularly hot. Spent some time on Levi Miller, and some time on Jacob Sartorius, and a whole BUNCH of time on Will Franklyn-Miller! I swear...I could stare at that boy all day long and never feel the need to blink once. But, it was basically a stalling tactic to keep me from the business at hand. I knew what I was here for...I guess I just needed to build up to it first.
Back to Google...and before I typed the word out in the search box, I made sure to look over my shoulder and listen to make sure that nobody else was in the house. I CANNOT get caught with this stuff on my screen! I just can't deal with that! God...I hope the government is watching and recording this right now.
I hesitated for a moment...but I shook off my nervous jitters and typed in the letters 'G-A-Y'...and then added porn on the end. Just in case I came up with a bunch of support groups or celebrity news. Not what I needed right now.
WHOAH!!! Holy SHIT!!! Is that even a real number??? Is that a representation of Google's search results or a friggin' nuclear LAUNCH code??? Ummmm...maybe I should narrow my search down a little bit with some added details.
I started to type in 'cute boys'...but that didn't help much. Hmmm...shit. What do I look for? Ok, I'm just going to pick a site at random and see what I can find there. I scrolled down, down, down...I'll tryyyyy...THIS one!
I clicked on the button, and was immediately smothered in pics and videos and gif images of people banging each other like crazy! Oh my! My heart got caught in my throat, and I felt a serious blush flood up into my cheeks as my senses were immediately overwhelmed by everything being thrown in my face all at once!
I lowered my laptop screen a little bit, and looked around my bedroom to make sure I was still alone. I don't know what it was, but I suddenly felt like 'God' was watching. Even worse...that he was shaking his head with disappointment.
I looked over at the window again to make sure the shades and the curtains were pulled and nobody could see anything through the glass. Then I attempted to shut out some of the visual 'noise' on that smorgasbord of pornography and look for something good to start with.
There were so many categories. I didn't even know what half of them meant. What is breeding? I thought this was gay porn. Guys can't get pregnant. And why would that be a sexy thing to watch, even if they could. Daddy? Why would I want to screw my dad? Let me keep looking...
Ok, oral. I know oral. Anal...I can build up to some of those. There's an awful lot of cursing in these video titles. Is all that necessary? Well, I guess if you're watching porn, who cares, right? Maybe I'm being weird. Ummm...'amateur'...'webcam'...whoah, that guy's chained to the wall with a black leather mask on his face! 'Spanking'? I don't think so. I've had my fair share of spankings growing up, and I can't remember being turned on by a single ONE of them. Then again...maybe that goes bak to the whole 'daddy' thing.
What is 'fisting'? Ohhhh...they probably mean jacking off. Like fisting your boner, or whatever. I can click on that one and see a few of those. I have a thing for imagining hw other boys at my school masturbate. I think about it sometimes and it's like...wow. I bet it's so hot when Jordan Byers does it. I think about him touching himself a lot. Let's see what's in here...
Ninety seconds later...
GAHHHHH!!!! What the ever lovin' FUCK was that???
WHY??? WHY, OH WHY, WOULD ANYBODY DO THAT???
Go away! Go away! Backspace! Backspace!!! Ahhhhh!!!
I just watched an entire FIST just enter another human being! How it that even possible? How is there a NAME for that kind of thing? Does it happen all the time? That looked like something right out of a horror movie...but with no special effects! Just...ugh! Ok, so...I need to be more careful from now on. Jesus. My penis went limp after that one.
Alright, I don't want anything with girls in it...I don't need to see people peeing on each other...I like feet, but I wouldn't say I had a fetish for them...isn't there just a 'plain old sex' section? What does 'creampie' have to do with anything?
Ok...twinks. I've heard of that before. And the guy in the pic looked really cute and slim. Like, maybe he was a 12th grader or something. I'll try that section.
I cringed a little as I clicked the button, afraid to find myself trapped in another internet porn nightmare. But, as I opened one eye to take a peek...I saw an entire screen full of cute boys doing things that weren't so goddamn terrible. Sigh...ok. This looks like it might be more my speed.
I picked the cutest boy on the screen and started watching it. So far so good. He was talking with some other boy in the park, and then he touched his leg. Just that little bit of contact between guys was enough to get me rock hard again. There was something so sweet about it. Intimate. I liked that part the best. I watched as they went back to the first boy's apartment, and then they sat on his couch and just started kissing. Wow...now this is what I had been looking for! I stared at the screen, my heart racing, and chills crawling up over my shoulders as they began to touch one another in the coolest ways. I could see their tongues, and their hands rubbing each other's shoulders, and then they just kind of went for it...and they grabbed for each other's boners and started rubbing those too.
I had to readjust my condom a bit after going limp and getting hard again, but I started to stroke myself a little. I didn't want to cum too quick, but it ached not to touch myself. And then their clothes started coming off. I almost gasped with anticipation. This is it! This is what I've been waiting for!
FINALLY...two naked boys, fully hard, kissing and holding each other! I have been dreaming about stuff like this for a few years now, and I'm getting to see it come to life at last. I had to stop stroking myself for a few seconds though, because I was already soooo close to exploding. I was a lot more excited than I thought I would be. But, what can I say...this was HOT! So hot that it was hard to breathe with my heart squishing up against my lungs with every adrenalized beat. And when one boy laid back, and the other got on top of him...I almost couldn't hold it anymore. Stop! Stop! Slow down! They didn't even get to any of the good stuff yet!
I held my breath as the guy on top started kiss his way downward. First on the neck, then the nipples, then down to his belly button. Oh yeah! I know where this is going! And when he finally slipped that hard boner in between his lips to start sucking on it...and the other boy closed his eyes and moaned as he spread his legs and arched his back to let him do it...that was it for me!
I think I would have erupted whether I was still stroking myself or not. It was a sensory overload. All of my fantasies about being able to suck another boy like that came rushing to the surface, and I got lightheaded as everything below my waist got tight and super heated...my erection bouncing wildly as my tip swelled and I fired off powerful jets of semen into the condom. Again and again, and again. My legs weak, my breathing heavy, my toes curling as my entire body shivered with the success of reaching another mind shattering orgasm. Omigod! Oh wow! That was intense!
I had to pause the video to sit there and breath for a moment, the condom so full that it coated my entire five inches from tip to base, the latex squishing softly as I drained what little seed I had left to offer. I just...sat there and let my head spin for a little while. I couldn't believe how aroused I was at that moment. I didn't even go all the way soft yet. I mean, a little bit, sure...but I think I was too amped up for another for my body to realize that I should be 'finished'.
I squirted a LOT! Geez. Ummmm...ok, how do I get this thing off of me without making a mess? I pulled off the used condom carefully, and with my pants still around my ankles, I shuffled over to my garbage can and made sure to keep any of the liquid from dripping out on the carpet or anything. Gotta remember to take that out to the big trash can before Mom gets home. I got some tissues to wipe myself off, my fingers still a little sticky, but I wiped off as much excess slime off of them as I could before opening my dresser drawer to grab another condom. I've got four left. Should I save a couple? I don't know. I'm definitely going again though. I'll just take one more for now.
I shouldn't have let loose so quickly. I just couldn't help it. That was too much for me to hold back. And to think...I've still got BILLIONS of gay porn movies to watch! Hell, I haven't even finished this one yet!
Feeling emboldened now, I kicked my pants and undies off to the side, pulling my shirt up over my head, and sitting in my chair completely naked. I didn't want to have my ankles bound together anymore. I wanted to spread my legs wide and slump down in my chair a little bit, taking hold of my erection again and feeling it return to full hardness almost immediately. I started the video again, and felt myself melt into my desk chair as I watched the sensual blowjob continue. Yeah...that's how I would do it to Jordan if I had the chance. Nice and slow. I'd lick him all over, just like that. Oooh, and he's moving down to his balls too! Oh wow, I'd love to lick Jordan's balls! Can you imagine? I bet he tastes sooooo good down there.
I watched without blinking for the next ten minutes or so, watching these two cuties please one another with a passion, and then...the one guy got on his back and brought his knees up. Again...I gasped! Oh wow! They're gonna show this part too??? I sat up and watched as he lined himself up...and slowly pushed himself inside. I was completely floored by what I was watching. I was almost ready to lose it again as i watched them kiss while his lover thrust passionately into his tight hole. They both looked like they were consumed by the ecstasy of the moment. And why wouldn't they be? I was! And I wasn't even there to participate!
Needless to say, by the end of the video, I had made waste of another condom, and was already certain that I'd be going back to get the rest. Who knows when I'm going to get the next chance to have enough privacy to do this again. All I knew was that this laptop and I were about to become BEST friends!
For the next hour or so, I scoured through video after video. Some of the guys were REALLY cute too! I think I liked the blowjob parts the best, but the anal sex was super sexy too. There were a couple that were just ok, but were still hot enough to keep me hard. And there were some where it was like...well, I don't want to say they were 'boring'...just long. I watched this one where this one guy was getting a blowjob...and then...he was still getting a blowjob...and then he stood up...and he was STILL getting a blowjob! I got bored after, like, six MINUTES of the same thing, and skipped ahead. Then they traded places, and the other guy was getting a super long blowjob. It actually became kind of frustrating. I mean, as much as having someone suck me for a really long time in real life is appealing...when you're watching it in a porno, it's like, "Get on with it already. Do something else." Maybe I was getting a bit more experienced with this stuff already, but skipping ahead in some of those videos became the norm. As long as I got the idea, I wanted to get through all of the good stuff and then move on to the next video.
I can't believe that I went this long without ever having seen gay porn like this, and now I can have all I WANT!
I don't think I ever want to live without my own private laptop ever again. I'll go insane. INSANE, I tell you!
Eventually, I ran out of condoms and had to go back to tissues. And one of my black socks that I usually wear to church...because they're thin and soft and feel soooo good. But I did begin to get a little sore down there. Hehehe, I mean, the orgasms were still just as mind-blowing as the first one, if not more so...but if I was able to squeeze out more than a few drops, I was lucky. I was definitely out of juice, and my poor boner was pulsing softly in my lap, almost as if it was out of breath. I'm sorry, little guy. I know I gave you one heck of a workout today. We'll stop now. Besides, Mom will be home soon and we've got some cleaning up to do before she gets here and starts snooping around.
I petted my exhausted member a few times, and then looked around to slip my underwear back on. My body was vibrating with this full body buzz. An entire day's worth of release. A maniacal solution to endless days of teen sexual repression and angst. I actually felt good, you know? I was literally grinning to myself. My penis had been rubbed a little raw, but I almost felt like I could float right off of this floor and hover for hours on end without gravity coming back to claim me until I needed to jack off again.
This must be what world peace feels like.
All in all...I like porn! I had to spend some time scrolling through stuff to find stuff that wasn't so...ummm...'gross'. Honestly, as excited as I was to finally see how passionate and normal it was for two guys to get together and express themselves sexually just like anybody else...as much as I LOVED seeing naked butts and hard boners and blowjobs and thick ropes of sperm being splashed all over the place...the part that always turned me on the most was seeing boys kiss and get into everything else later. I liked seeing them touch. I liked seeing them hump each other on the couch. I liked the idea that it wasn't just two guys getting paid to screw each other...but something sweet. Not 'innocent', hehehe...but sweet. Something that Jordan Byers and I might be able to share some day...if he was interested. Maybe I'm just a romantic at heart. And sex for sex's sake is fun...but underwhelming.
As a virgin, I'm entitled to hope for something more, right?
I cleaned everything up, and erased my browser history. Did a sweep of my computer too, just in case i caught any viruses in the process of getting my smut fix for the day. Hehehe, and then tried to get myself back to normal before the house filled up again, and my privacy crept back into the shadows.
But as I fixed my hair and looked through a few last minute searches on my laptop...a link popped up. An echo of looking up 'gay teen cute boys', I guess. I had never seen it before, but something told me to give it a shot. Just for a few minutes. Then I'll erase it and go back to being somewhat sane. Hehehe, porn is just porn, after all. How engaging can it be?
'Comicality's Shack Out Back'. Hmmm...weird name. I wonder what this one is about. I hope it doesn't involve a whole lot of reading...