This is an actual account of my coming out and beyond. I have changed the names in most cases but some are the same first names and last names have been omitted. If you don’t like male to male sex stories, don’t read it, if you do enjoy… If you have any comments and especially if you feel that the person being described is “you” let me know, I’d be glad to email you back.
by Donn Thomas Donnfla@hotmail.com
The week back at the base went by very fast, it seemed like it was Friday already and still no letter. I wanted to go out again thinking that I would see Keith at the bar and he would tell me he mailed it or it got lost in the mail or something that would make me feel like he wanted me too.
When work was over for the day, I took a shower and while showering tried to remember where the bar was and how I would get there. I remembered asking Ed where it was on the way there and was trying to remember what he said. I think I knew how to get to Jim and Ed's house but didn't think that I should show up there asking how to get to the bar to find Keith. Then it came to me, he said it was on University off of Stone. Now if I only knew where that was. I was afraid if I asked anyone they would know right where I was going. What I needed was a map. I finished showering and got dressed since Ed said I looked good in the white Levi's, I wore them again. I guess I wasn't out long enough to realize that everybody would notice that I had the same thing on again.
I headed out the gate of the base, it was early, but I didn't know that, I had no idea that gay bars didn't get anyone in them until later at night. First thing I had to do was find a map and went to a gas station. They had a city map of Tucson and I went outside with it and sat and looked up University. I couldn't seem to find it but I did find Stone. It was at the end of Speedway Blvd., that was easy. I figured that I would worry about getting to University when I got to Stone. Well after a few uneventful rides, I got to Stone and didn't have to worry about looking for the bar, I recognized where I was and the bar was just two blocks down, I could see the parking lot from the corner. Strange, the lot was empty, I got a little worried thinking the bar might be closed for some reason but headed toward it anyway.
I reached the door and felt my heart pound as I reached for the handle to open it. I couldn't hear any music from inside and there were no cars so I was not sure if it would open. Well the door opened, to my relief, but it seemed pitch black in there. I walked in from the sun to a dark bar and couldn't see a thing for a minute while my eyes adjusted. I took a step and tripped on a chair and heard "Watch it honey, you'll break something". My eyes were starting to adjust and there were no people in there except Jimmy, the owner and another guy with a leather jacket and scruffy looking jeans. The other guy turned out to be Jimmy's lover George. George seemed very manly, while Jimmy, well he wasn't quite as gruff as he was when I first saw him last week. In fact he seemed tiny, and a little feminine. I walked over to the bar and Jimmy asked, "What can I get you?", I told him a coke and sat at the end of the bar near them. "Want some grenadine in it?", he asked. "What's that?", I asked him. He told me that it was a non-alcoholic flavoring that some of the kids liked in their coke or ginger ale. "Here, try it, if you don't like it you don't have to pay", he said. I tasted it and hmmmm cherry coke, I liked it. I went to give him some money for it and he said "that's OK first ones on the house", I thanked him and asked when all the people would get here. He told me that they would start to trickle in right after they had dinner, but most would come in after 9:00. "You are anxious aren't you?", he said. I just smiled and said that I was just wondering, and told him that I was only here the one time. "Yes, I know", he said and added "In Tucson, every new face is noticed". The three of us talked for a bit, mostly them asking me questions, and Jimmy in a very feminine way, flirting. I guess I wasn't getting much of a feeling that having a lover was anything special or exclusive, It seems like everyone except Keith that has flirted with me seems to have one. I just didn't know the difference between flirting and really meaning it yet I guess.
After a while of talking, Jimmy and George started getting the bar ready for the night and I headed to the Jukebox and put in some quarters and then to the pool table and racked a game for myself. I wasn't very good, but would become better as time went on. It was about 7:30 when people started coming in and one guy came over to the pool table and put a quarter on the edge. I didn't know why he did that but figured that he wanted to use it next so when I finished I started putting my stick on the rack. "Don't want to play me?", he asked. "Sure", I said, he was an older guy maybe late 20's but who knows I already found out that I was no good at guessing ages. "I thought that you wanted the table when you put your quarter on it", I said, "No, that means I wanted to play the winner", he told me. He racked the balls and I waited for him to break, "You can break now", he said, "oh, sorry I was waiting for you". I broke and nothing went in, that was my last shot, he cleared the table. "Next!!", he yelled and laughed. Well someone else already had a quarter on the table, so I went back to the bar.
This time wasn't nearly as scary as the previous weekend, I got up from the bar and went over to the table where Keith sat when we met, thinking I would see him as soon as he came in. Well he didn't come in that night, and I was forced to sleep with someone else. Actually, people seemed very friendly to me, Jimmy came over to the table a few times and gave me a drink and said this is from the guy over there, each time pointing to a different guy. I sort of felt like a whore, and told Jimmy, but he said don't worry about it, just raise your glass if you don't like them and say thanks, I did what he said and they didn't seem to take it any further.
By 10:00 the bar was full, and guys were coming over and introducing themselves to me. It was a good feeling, I had spent so much of my life so far by myself that I was eating this up. Another bartender came in and started working and after a little while, he came over with another coke. "Wow", I said, "another one?", he looked at me a little strange and then asked "have you been getting many?" "Yes", I answered, "Jimmy has been bringing them all night". He laughed and said "well Jimmy is married this ones from me, can I come back in a little while?" "Sure", I answered. He winked and walked away back to the bar.
I watched him behind the bar for the rest of the night and every time my glass got empty he brought another, his name was Bill and he was a 24 year old grad student at the University. He took me back to his place that night, now sex with Bill wasn't that enjoyable, he had one thing on his mind and that was fucking me and I spent most of the time pulling him away when he got to close. But he did become one of my friends, sort of a big brother, he would explain things to me and I learned a lot from him. I think he realized that we were just not compatible sexually and although I did sleep with him many times there were only feelings of friendship between us. He liked talking about home, he was from Massachusetts and at the time I was from Connecticut, so there was that New England bond between us.
The rest of the weekend went about the same, I got braver and Bill was there to be with in the bar, I went home with another guy on Saturday and Sunday. You have to remember I had a lot of energy stored up in me, thinking that I would be different and alone all my life and then to discover this whole life that I didn't know existed.
The next week I was in the bar, but now I didn't sit by the door, I moved to the middle of the bar and sat with a table full of people and meeting more each night I went back. I was sitting talking and laughing and a black guy walked up to the table leaned over and said, "are you stationed out at the base?" I think a feeling of horror came over me, I thought that I had been caught, there was no such thing as "don't ask, don't tell" then. "No", I said, he looked like he didn't believe me and said, "funny I thought I saw you in the chow hall this week". "Nope, not me", I said again. My heart was pounding, I kept thinking of getting kicked out of the service and not knowing whether to stay here or leave. Bill came over to the table and sat down and asked "what's the matter, you look worried". I told him what happened and he said that he would check on him and see what he was up to. Bill came back and said, "don't worry, he is at the base too, he just was wondering if you were". I was very relieved to hear that and thanked him and got up to talk to the black guy. "Hi", I said and apologized for lying, I told him that I hadn't been coming here for long and got scared, thinking I was caught. He understood and we sat and talked for a while, his name was Roland and he was from Milwaukee.
Another guy came in carrying a motorcycle helmet, and had a definite swish, "he's from the base too, I've seen him there", Roland said. He stood right in front of us at the bar and Roland tapped him on the shoulder and asked. "Yes", he said and said that he recognized us too, Frank was his name. From then on it was the three of us, all of us so different in tastes, dress, and attitudes but never the less we formed a friendship bond that lasted for years. Frank who was the oldest at 23, Roland next at 20, and myself at 18, became sort of a little gay family together. Frank referred to himself as Mother Frank, and Roland and I his two girls. I didn't like that at first but what the hell, it was fun.
In the following months I met a small group of guys that were stationed at the base, there was Greg, he was Italian, 23, from Chicago. Now Greg was a seemingly confident guy, he had brown curly hair and many considered him good looking. Greg was very nice to me, but always to busy, if that makes any sense. Roland was attracted to Greg who had all the characteristics that Roland liked except that he was a bit young for Roland. He was slightly chubby, not fat but just a layer of chubbyness and very hairy. Body hair was never one of my weaknesses, I always went for the smooth types. Greg didn't like to date teenagers, so I was to young for him, but we did get together once, although I think to satisfy his own curiosity. The one time that he offered me a ride to the bar, when he found out that I had been hitchhiking he told me to meet him at his barracks room. When I got there he was in a towel getting ready. I went over and sat on his bed to wait, and when he was through shaving he came over to the bed and said, "mind if i check out what people are talking about?", not knowing what he meant by that, I asked and he replied, "well, you seem to have a reputation for being large". I never thought that I was, but someone must have and I guess there are worse things to have a reputation about, and said "sure". I laid back on his bed and started to undo my jeans and pulled them down and ole' quick response popped up ready. Greg started going down on me and then he stopped saying, "I don't want to ruin you for the night unless you want to", I said, "one time wont ruin anything" and he continued. While he was doing me I reached down to his towel to remove it and return the favor, so to speak, he grabbed my hand and without taking my cock out of his mouth, mumbled uh-uh, telling me no. I stopped and just relaxed and enjoyed the head I was getting. Greg was very good, but I couldn't understand why he wouldn't let me do anything. It was very cold, he just did me, and then got up and gave me a warm wash cloth to clean off with and starting brushing his teeth, then acted like nothing happened, we got in his car when he was ready and left.
Another one was Dick. Dick had two nicknames Dickey-Pooh or just Pooh, he was from Phoenix and extremely vain. He also offered me a ride into town one weekend, no sex was involved and with Dick I don't think there ever would be. Nobody seemed to be good enough for him. Dick was the type who had light skin and a very thick beard which he shaved for about a half hour before he would go out, making sure that not one little stubble would show. One would think he was getting ready for drag he was so meticulous. The hair came next and each one had to be right in place. It was very boring sitting and waiting for Dick to get ready. He did tell me about Phoenix though and said that If I liked Tucson, which he didn't, I would love the bars in Phoenix and offered to take me there next time he went home for the weekend. He should have been a travel agent the way he made Phoenix sound so good, although I guess everyone in the service felt that love for their hometown.
Most of the time I went out with Roland, who lived in the barracks next to mine. He was more fun to be with and we got into so much crap together. Roland had a lover, Dave, a civilian who lived downtown and one weekend he asked me to spend the weekend there at his lovers house so I wouldn't have to go back and forth to the base to change. It sounded good to me, and Dave seemed to like me and didn't mind if I came there with Roland. Dave was probably in his late 30's and owned an Art store near the campus, he drove a Citroen and referred to American cars as American monstrosities. One weekend I was sleeping in the guest room and Roland told me that another guy from the base was going to stay there too and asked if I minded if he shared the bed. Well by now, you know me. Well even though when he got there I thought he was very cute, it didn't happen. Steve never slept with anyone from the base, guess we all have our quirks. He even told me that if I wasn't from the base he would have, hey, mine is not to reason why. Steve was 21 about 5'6", brown hair, swimmers build, and from Texas, his favorite song was "Stand by your Man", by Tammy Wynette. I learned to hate that song, I couldn't stand country music at the time anyway, but he played it over and over, singing along with it. And if Steve and Dick had to share a room at the base it would have been an all out war over the mirror, if you catch my drift. But Steve was not all bad we did have some good times at the bar. And he really did look tasty that night we slept together, although not giving away any samples.
Well that's about it for the regulars on the base at this time others will pop up (literally) later on in other chapters, but this was the circle that I ran in.
To Be Continued...
Copyright 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003. 2004