Date: Sat, 23 Apr 2005 11:08:22 -0400
From: frontrnrusa@netscape.net
Subject: Best of Friends Part III

Best of Friends III

By:  Holloway H.
Copyright 2005 Holloway H.

This is a work of fiction with an adult theme.  I look forward to hearing
your thoughts on the story: Frontrnrusa@netscape.net


Waking up on the farm the next morning was awesome.  Lucky and I were too tired
to do anything.  He laid his head on my shoulder and went right to sleep, I'm
watching him now, he really is an awesome looking guy.  Touching the side of his
face sends chills through my body.   My fingers moved over his back and down his
chest and abdomen, Lucky is the kind of guy I actually could take care of, what
I'm trying to say is I could build a life with someone like him. Lucky opened
his eyes and looked at me, he had that damn grin that drove me wild.  I moved
forward slowly and kissed him, he pulled me closer to him, I felt his fingers
moving over my neck.  My erection was quick to come to attention.  Lucky's hand
found my erection, as we kissed my breathing became labored, I wanted him and I
wanted him now.  He knew it because he kissed me hard then let me go, he looked
in my eyes.  He threw the cover off of us and I lay on my back naked, he turned
around with his lips only inches from my dick and his dick was close to my lips,
I opened my mouth and pulled him in gently.  My hands exploring the white mounds
that made up his muscled ass, moving up his back until my fingers could feel his
neck and his hair.  Lucky began to moan as I worked him harder, my tongue
working on his large balls, moving up and pulling all of him deep in my mouth.

The more he moaned the hornier I became until I lay back completely and Lucky
moved around, he looked at me, "I want all of you, I need to feel your fingers
in my hair the way I did when we were in Iraq."

Reaching out I placed my hands on each side of his head, my fingers moving
through his short hair, my hips trying to cram every inch of cock down his
throat until my back arched, and I thrust deep and hard delivering blast after
blast of hot cum.  Lucky cried out and sucked ferociously, as I became limp he
laid his head on my cock, my hand never left the side of his face.
I was just beginning to breathe easier.

Lucky looked up at me, "Do I make you feel good?"

I reached out touching his lips, "I've never felt the way you make me feel."

Lucky slowly took my cock into his mouth and he began to suck me off until I was
hard as a rock before crawling up next to me.

I put my arm out and he lay beside me snuggling.  "Josh will you make love to
me?"

"Yes, if you're sure."

He smiled, "I'm sure."

Lucky reached into the beside drawer and pulled out a new bottle of lubricant,
he applied the oil in the palm of his hand before slowly coating my cock.  I
poured some in my hand and slowly worked it in and around his tight hole.  Every
time my finger entered I watched Lucky's face.

He lay on his back, I moved close to him and put his legs on my shoulders, he
looked up at me, "Joss do you think less of me because I want you this way?"  He
reached up and touched the side of my face, his fingers moving into my hair, he
pulled my lips to his and he kissed me, the feeling was unbelievable.

"Lucky I think if you give me the chance I can make you happy, I know I
shouldn't say this but I'm falling in love with you."

Lucky's eyes filled with tears, he didn't say a word, he reached up and touched
the side of my face.  Slowly I entered him. I rested when deep inside him and
allowed his body to relax then I moved in him deep and hard his hands pulling my
hips forward, he was crying out, his hips moving fast and hard with each of my
movements. As I kissed the inside of his thighs his cock exploded, cum coating
his hairless chest and stomach. His muscles were milking me, the feeling was
great and soon I pushed deep in him, he cried out and I exploded, he cried out
before pulling my lips to his, I parted his lips with my tongue and kissed him
deeply as we broke apart I stared in his eyes, "you happy?"

Lucky put his arms around my neck and when I looked at him his eyes
were filled with tears flowing across his cheeks, "Josh, everything I have ever
wanted in my life and in the world I have today, I have never felt this way,
never."

I pulled from him slowly and lying on my side I pulled him in my arms his face
rested against my chest, he was warm as I kissed the top of his head.  As we lay
there we talked about the Marines and about each other.  We knew we were meant
for each other.  As he drifted to sleep I pulled him tight in my arms and pulled
the sheet over him his head rested below my chin, my lips were kissing him, I
whispered telling him how happy he'd made and how much I needed him in my life.

Every minute was spent together working on the farm mending and repairing
whatever needed to be done.  Each night we held each other for dear life, loving
each other and enjoying the closeness we both so desperately needed for so long.
As we talked I realized that Lucky still had 10 months on his enlistment, those
months played on my mind every minute of each day. Our leave passed quickly, we
had gone from Josh and Lucky to a couple that loved each other.

I could look at Lucky and easily fall apart wanting to do everything in my
power to insure his happiness now and in the future.  He'd catch me staring and
he'd ask what I was thinking, I'd tell him and he'd smile and kiss me, repeating
his love for me.  For once in my life I had someone in my life that treated me
the way Eric had, I was loved and in love.

We were scheduled to return to base on Monday. The Saturday before we had to
leave Lucky's brother, Anderson, came over and sat down with us for a while.
Lucky had told him about us, he didn't seem to shocked, he said he was happy
because he loved his brother more than anything in this world.   As we were
talking out of the blue Lucky mentioned to his brother that if anything happened
to him he was leaving me the farm and his SGLI, his brother nodded.  I looked at
Lucky he put his hand up, "no discussion."

I stood up and looked at Lucky's brother, I could hear my own voice trembling,
"If anything happens to Lucky then I won't need the farm or SGLI because losing
him will kill me, I'm going to make sure that everything is left to you if
something happens to me."

Anderson looked at each of us, "Josh, Lucky, I'm glad you love each other, now
take care of each other and come back to the farm soon."

I hugged Anderson, as did Lucky and he left without having to say anything else.
I closed the front door and took Lucky's hand we sat on the sofa it was still
early in the day.  I held him close, kissing the top of his head and talking to
him, telling him about my life, about everything.  When I finished I told him he
could always count on me and then out of nowhere I broke down and begged him to
not let anything happen to him, I told him how scared I was and that losing him
would kill me, I swore to him I would die.

Lucky turned his head into my chest and kissed me, "Josh, I dreamt all my life
of loving someone like you, I'll protect you and make sure we both get back home
safe."

I felt his arms around me and his head pressed tight against my chest.
This was heaven. It was almost 3pm when we finally moved from the sofa, I looked
at Lucky, "Let's go into town."

We dressed and he called his brother asking to borrow the truck.  By 3:30 we
were in town, as we neared the Jeep Dealer I told Lucky to stop.  We shopped
just having fun. I watched Lucky and when I saw him go crazy over a new Wrangler
Sport, I knew right then it was his.   As Lucky looked I talked to the salesman,
he was a former Marine and gave me the best deal he could afford. I paid cash
for the Jeep titling it in both our names. Before 5pm we drove off the lot in
our new Jeep, Lucky behind the wheel.  I drove the truck as we headed back to
the farm, once we dropped the truck off and Lucky showed his brother the Jeep,
we went back to the house. Lucky walked in the house and sat on the couch
balling like a baby he scared the shit out me.  I held him tight not
understanding what was wrong.

When he calmed down he looked at me, he kissed me several times.  "Josh I don't
give a fuck if the Marine's find out I'm in love with you, it doesn't matter,
all that matters is you and your happiness, please don't leave me, please, swear
it."

As I looked at Lucky's expression, I knew why my grandmother had taken such good
care of me, because she loved me I gave her purpose.  Lucky rested against me my
hand on the back of his neck I kissed the side of his face tenderly, my lips
next to his ear, "Baby, you have my word of honor. I love and I'll never stop
there was nothing before I met you and now I have everything in the world."

We made slow and gentle love to each other, we may have been Marines but we
wanted tenderness, once I exhausted Lucky he slept.  I watched him sleep.  Lucky
was all Marine and he was handsome and very Sensual.  We were only 21 years old.
I knew that with Lucky my life was changing for the better, I had a family now
and the pride and love I felt at times made me feel like I'd bust open at any
moment.

Pendleton came into view at 2:15am.  We got a temporary pass for the Jeep then
pulled up to the barracks and stowed our shit.  I opened the door to my room,
nothing had changed, I called Lucky into my room and held him in the dark
telling him we were going to be fine and that I was going to work on finding us
a place for the next several months.  Monday Lucky went on maneuvers with the
platoon.  I took an extra day off and went into Oceanside to find an apartment.
The Jeep had taken less than half of my savings I found a small apartment over a
garage.  I told the landlord there would be two of us and that we were very
religious having no parties, we didn't drink or smoke, she was thrilled to let
me have the apartment.  By the end of the day I had the utilities and phone
turned on at the apartment and had bought a bed and dresser.  The last thing I
did was to get the Jeep registered on base as well as going by personnel and
having my SGLI assigned to Lucky, I told them he was my cousin.

It was 9pm when the platoon returned.  I told Lucky to shower quickly.
He was tired but did as I asked.  Before we left the barracks I told him to grab
his uniform for tomorrow.  He watched me as he filled his gym bag then walked
out the barracks. He got in the Jeep and closed his eyes he was exhausted.  I
looked over at him, he was beautiful and I loved him.  I stopped at Burger King
and got dinner, then headed to our new house.  When I pulled up he looked at me
and followed me upstairs.  Just inside the door, I turned to him, "This is our
place, just the two of us."

He nodded his head and followed me to the bedroom he looked around and smiled
then dropped his bag and told me to hold him.  As my arms held him I could smell
the soap and shampoo, this was living.  I sat him on the bed and brought him
dinner.  Before 10:30pm the alarm was set and Lucky slept soundly in our bed on
my arm, my lips pressed against his forehead. I told him over and over I'd
give him the world.  We woke early, showering and shaving, as we dressed I
poured two cups of coffee and we headed out.

Lucky looked over at me in the Jeep, "Josh, you are so unbelievable I'll make
you happy for the rest of our lives."

I smiled at him "you have for a long time now, I love you."

Here we were two Marines in uniform on the way to work confessing our love for
each other.  As we drove to base I looked at Lucky, everything about him made me
happy, everything. Two months passed and Lucky had four months left on his
enlistment, I still had two years.  We found out on Thursday afternoon that we
would be returning to Iraq in preparation for upcoming elections. For three
weeks the platoon prepared for departure, weapons, equipment and personnel where
ready. The day before we left I told our landlord we were going overseas.  She
said she would keep an eye on the apartment and she reduced the rent in half
until we returned. I gave her a quick hug. She smiled, "God Speed to you two
boys, you make me proud to be an American."

I smiled at her.

Our final night together, I prepared a special meal for Lucky I wanted
everything to be special for him this night.  After dinner, he followed me to
the bathroom he lay in front of me in the tub, his head resting on my chest, he
was listening to me ramble on, "Lucky, I love you so much, if anything were to
happen to you I'd die, you make my life worth living once again."

Lucky turned his head looking up at me, "Josh, whatever God wills we will deal
with and move on.  You are and have been the love of my life, without you there
is no life for me."

I tightened my arms around him and whispered my love for him over and over.
Throughout the night we made love to each other and when the alarm rang we were
up, the house was clean and we were on our way to base, before we entered the
base Lucky put his hand on my leg, "I love you so much."

I looked at him, my eyes trying to fill with tears, "I love you too baby."

The next two weeks went by with the blink of an eye, back in country we worked
morning till night and then we walked patrols until morning.  We were all
feeling the effects of too much work.  The guys were bitching to me and I spoke
with Gunny, he agreed the guys had been putting in a hundred percent and when I
said that they were so tired it would be easy to make a mistake, he agreed
quickly and told me to have the guys stand down all day tomorrow.  The day off
was what the guys needed.  They got the chance to shop the exchange, get
haircuts, sleep and eat.  The following morning at formation everyone seemed in
better spirits more relaxed.  My eyes followed Lucky he seemed run down,
uncomfortable.  I decided then to make a point of finding a place where we could
be together for an hour or so.  That afternoon I checked out the empty trailers
used for moving equipment and found one that we could safely use for several
hours without fear of discovery.  After chow, I told Lucky where to meet me.
As I climbed on top of a trailer, he watched me following quickly.  I opened a
door we walked in pulling the door shut behind us. Once the dark surrounded us,
I pulled him in my arms and kissed him.  Lucky collapsed against me I sat down
on the floor with him in my arms.  He wasn't ready to talk, I held him happy
just to be close like this.

After a while Lucky looked at me, "Josh, there is just too much shit to worry
about, I'm going crazy thinking about something happening to you."

I smiled at him, reached out and pushed up the front of his hair, he kissed my
palm.  "Lucky I'm fine, what I need is for you to concentrate on staying safe,
as long as I know you're all right I'll be fine."

Gently he let me lay him back and I moved down his body I made him cry out not
once but twice before I would let him at me.  He greedily took all of me until
my hips bucked and filled him with my seed, he looked up at me as I slipped from
his mouth, "I love you."

My arms held lucky for another hour before I woke him, kissing his eyes and
lips I led him back to his tent and said goodnight.

Patrols were getting dangerous they were being targeted by the insurgents and
especially the suicide car bombers and I was worried about everything,
especially Lucky.  I wanted his last 63 days to get over with and get him out of
country.  As the remainder of his time wound down, he became very anxious saying
he wasn't going to leave me here alone.  Once more I found us a place to talk, I
told him everything in my heart and listened to him tell me his fears before I
kissed him and told him I would expect him to take care of our apartment until I
got home and then I would take care of him.

As we were talking Lucky looked at me, "what do you want me to do until you get
back?"

"Lucky take classes in agriculture or anything else you want, that way we'll be
a leg up on running our farm once I do get out."

He nodded his head in understanding.  I silently thanked God that Lucky would be
out of here, I'd be able to pay attention to everything more closely and protect
the lives of all the guys in the platoon.

On a beautifully clear Thursday afternoon, I watched as Lucky boarded a
transport plane back to the world, he had exactly one week left on his
enlistment.  We were both excited and sad, I would miss him terribly but knowing
that he was safe at home would make me rest easier. I watched the flight lift
off from Baghdad Airport and cruise high in the sky once the plane was out of
sight I thanked God and returned to base.

Saturday morning at 4:30am Gunny called the platoon to formation.  He looked
upset I can honestly say I had seldom seen him show emotions.  He looked around
the platoon.  He called out for everyone to gather round.  The guys crowded
round, his voice began to break as he told us what happened.  "The transport
that left here on Thursday was shot down, everyone onboard died."

I looked at Gunny then at the guys, there were groans, a few of the guys yelled
out and there were even a few tears.  Five guys from the Platoon were on the
flight including our Commanding Officer and Lucky.  I began to retch and started
throwing up.  Then I couldn't breathe it felt like someone was jumping on my
chest.  I felt one of the guys holding my shoulder to keep me from falling he
kept asking, "you all right sergeant?"

When the vomiting passed.  I looked up and nodded my head.  I was dying inside,
Lucky was dead oh my God what was I to do.  As soon as I could I got away from
everyone running to the empty trailer where Lucky and I had held each other only
weeks before.  I closed the door and screamed at the top of my lungs, my eyes
stinging with tears.  This couldn't happen to me again, it couldn't.  I sat on
the hard floor and cried until there was no more anger, no more tears and
something inside of me, the desire to go on living died, I would too very soon
now.

Near the end of the week I was called by the First Lieutenant, he told me that
Lucky's family had requested that I accompany his body back to the States for
burial.  I nodded my head and returned to my rack and gathered my uniform and
gear, I would honor Lucky's memory by holding myself together until he safely
rested for eternity.  As I stood at the airport where Lucky had left from, I
looked around and I could see Lucky boarding the flight, I remember watching the
plane until it went out of sight.  The flight back to the world was difficult.
In Frankfurt Germany we boarded a different plane.  In the plane's hold were the
coffins of 35 American Service members their caskets draped with American flags.
The plane landed at Dover Delaware the following day. Honor guards solemnly
removed each casket welcoming home each fallen hero.  Another day passed before
the coffin holding Lucky's remains was carefully loaded onto a commercial jet
for the final ride to his resting place.  I stood outside the plane in my dress
blues and watched as they loaded the coffin into the cargo hold, then I entered
the plane and took a seat.

The stewardess looked at me as I entered the plane, I saw tears in her eyes, all
she managed to say was, "I'm so sorry."

I nodded my head, "Thank you."

It was a beautiful day when the plane touched down.  Just to the right of where
the plane stopped was a black hearse.  Next to the hearse stood Anderson and
Melissa, Lucky's brother and his wife. Once the cabin door was opened I left the
plane and watched as Lucky's coffin was removed from the plane and loaded into
the hearse.  Lucky's brother Anderson and his wife cried, I looked at them and
prayed they didn't say anything to me until we got to the farm.  As the hearse
pulled off I recovered my bags and followed them to the farm.  Once his brother
opened the door, I fell apart. I could smell Lucky's scent, I could hear him
laughing and see his smile.  His brother rushed to me throwing his arms around
me and telling me to cry all I wanted, his wife went into the kitchen to fix
dinner.   Anderson held me as I told him about the time since Lucky and I had
been away, I told him that I watched Lucky leave that last day.  He ended up
crying with me and when his wife walked in she cried too.  With our tears under
control we ate dinner.  They said goodnight and left me alone for the evening.
I locked the front door and ran upstairs and fell on the bed gathering the
pillows in my arms and screaming in the night for Lucky to take me with him. I
prayed as hard as I could until I fell asleep, my life was over. Around 3am in
the morning I woke up.  I walked into the bathroom and peed, as I left the
bathroom, I picked up the straight razor that had belonged to Lucky's
grandfather and carried it with me to the bedroom. Lying down, I opened the
straight razor and drew the blade slowly across my wrist, first one and then the
other.  I felt the warm blood flowing on my stomach I closed my eyes and fell
asleep.

In my dream I saw Lucky in the distance he looked pissed.  He ran up to me and
grabbed my shoulders shaking me, "Josh what have you done?"

I looked at him not understanding.   He lifted my wrist and showed me the
torrent of blood.  He wrapped his hand around my wrist to stem the flow, I
rested my head against his shoulder, I felt him sigh, "Josh you dying will not
bring me back and by taking your own life you will keep us from being together.
I love you so much, please don't kill yourself, I need to know you are safe
before I can rest, I love you."

I remember being jostled awake.  Lucky's brother had towels around my wrists
taped tightly he was holding me in a sitting position gently slapping my face to
wake me up, he kept repeating, "please don't die, the ambulance will be here
soon."  I remember laying my head on his shoulder and hearing him whisper "Josh
please don't leave me too."

Another day passed and I woke up, the nurse sitting beside me smiled and said
good afternoon.  I looked at her I wanted to cry but didn't I hurriedly turned
my face away.  I looked at my wrist they were heavily bandaged.  During the
afternoon a Psychiatrist came to speak with me, he listened as I told him about
Josh and me and the war, he said he understood and told me that suicide would do
nothing but hurt everyone. We talked for well over an hour before he made me
understand that Eric and now Lucky's death were nothing more than coincidences
during a tough time of war and terrorists.  He gave me a clean bill of health
and told me he would release me in the morning in time to dress and attend the
funeral.

Lucky's brother, Anderson, picked me up at the hospital early and as soon as he
saw me he hugged me, "Josh you are all the family I have now that Lucky is gone,
please take care of yourself."

I nodded my head and thanked him for caring about me.

He smiled, "we're family remember what Lucky said, I love you too."

I nodded my head.  The funeral was the hardest thing I have had to do since Eric
died.  The military honor guard, the minister and almost the entire town turned
out to say goodbye, to someone they knew and cared for and someone I loved with
all my heart.  I watched as a Gunnery Sergeant took the folded American flag and
as taps played he walked slowly to Anderson, with the flag in between two hands
he handed the flag to Anderson and said "On Behalf of a Grateful Nation."  I
heard nothing from that point on.

Taps played, a 21- gun salute was fired, and the funeral ended with Lucky being
buried in the National Cemetery.

I had four days of leave.  I spent the majority of time working around the farm.
On my last day, Lucky's brother walked up to me and said he was looking forward
to me returning to the farm.  I nodded my head.  He made me look at him, "Josh
you'll fall in love again promise me you'll come back home, that is what Lucky
would have wanted and it is what I want, I want you to be happy."

I grabbed him pulling him in my arms, "Anderson thank you, I love you and
Melissa so much, you're all I have in the world."

Anderson held onto to me until it was time for me to catch my flight.  As I
boarded the flight, he and Melissa waved. I was returning to Pendleton for a
couple of months.

Riding in the Jeep and then walking in the apartment was a shock to me.  The
landlady cried when I told her Lucky had died.  She gave me a hug.  I sat in the
apartment for almost two days without moving.  I had fallen asleep and dreamed
of Lucky holding me he was telling me to get a shower, get dressed and get out
of the apartment and eat. He kissed me and I woke up.   I ate at Burger King
that night.  I felt better when I found out that the Doctor had not reported to
the Marines about me slicing my wrists. After almost two months I found out I
had been transferred to my old MEU.  It didn't matter since the MEU was rotating
out of country in a week.  I'd be back in Iraq.

Being back in country made me happy.  I stayed busy 24/7, which is what I
needed, when I wasn't on the guys butts insuring they were ready for whatever
happened, I worked out and ran all the time.   It had been over six months since
Lucky died. I was running when I saw David Stokes.  He stared at me as I ran
past, I nodded my head and increased my speed to get away from there, I didn't
want to see him or talk to him.   After that day I ran different routes just in
case. I couldn't take any chances that someone would mess up my mindset, I
needed to just be alone, I didn't want anyone to bother me. Another month passed
and David appeared at my tent, he was older, but just as handsome.  He looked at
me with a smile and we shook hands.  I sat with him on a bench out front. He
looked around before talking.

"Josh it is great to see you again.  You never gave me a chance to say anything
when you walked out on me.  I was 19 remember?"

I nodded my head.

David continued, "I have never been hurt the way you made me hurt when you
walked out that day.  Me of all people I actually cried for weeks, I missed you
so fucking much and then I wanted to kill you, beat you to a pulp and make you
feel the way I did.  After I had a chance to think about it I realized you
probably hurt just as much as I did, for that I'm sorry."

Looking in his eyes, "David, I never meant to hurt you, I guess I just needed
what you couldn't give me."

David shook his head, "that's bullshit, you never gave me the chance, you asked
me a question, I answered it and you walked out."  He stood up, "Josh, never
mind.  I'll see you around."

I didn't even look at him, I closed my eyes and when I opened them he was gone.

Evening patrols began and over the next several weeks we patrolled every day.  I
needed the constant physical and mental exhaustion patrolling provided.  I had
not seen David again and even though I thought about him I was glad he had not
come back around.  Near the end of my fifth month back in country, the platoon
was given three days of R&R in the safe zone, time to relax and recoup.  Once I
had showered and dressed for afternoon chow I felt better as I was leaving my
tent.  David was walking up with papers in hand.  He looked at me and said he'd
been reassigned to the platoon.  He looked at me not smiling or saying anything,
he was just there.  Pulling myself together I looked at his papers then took
them in to Gunny.

He looked at me, "at least we're getting trained personnel."

I nodded my head. I took David into the main tent and showed him his cot and
introduced him to the guys that were around, I knew they would do the rest.
>From that day forward David was a model Marine.  He worked hard he listened to
what he was told and he busted his ass to help out all the guys.  David and I
got along well we were formal with each other.  Why it was killing me I'm not
sure.  I missed Lucky so much, I just wanted someone to love and take care of, I
wanted a life away from the Marines.

David got along well in the platoon. I don't think there was anyone that didn't
think he was one hell of a good Marine.   It wasn't easy but I worked hard to
keep a distance between us while keeping an eye on him, I wanted him to go home
when this was all said and done. But then I had wanted Lucky to go home too and
he ended up dead.  I missed him so damn much and lately I found myself close to
losing it and falling apart. I figured as long as I kept up my outward
appearance no one would notice. David came up to me a week later when we had
Saturday night and Sunday afternoon to rest.  He looked at me, "Josh you look
like shit, what's going on with you?"

I shook my head I could feel my eyes trying to water.

David, grabbed my arm, "Josh I'm still your friend what is it?"

I looked up at him, he dropped my arm, I think he knew I would fall apart.  He
pointed toward a Humvee, "come on I've got the keys for patrol tomorrow night."

I followed him unsure why, he opened the back and we crawled in, it was dark.
Without saying a word, David pulled me in his arms and I broke down, David was
patient as he calmed me down.  Through my tears I told him about losing Lucky,
about and how much I had loved him, I told him everything. I felt his breath
against my forehead; he kissed me, and tried to make me understand it wasn't my
fault that I'd lost two people I loved.  It felt like it was my fault I hurt so
much inside, here was this strong, all American Marine, able to survive anything
without showing emotion and now I lay in the back of a Humvee another Marine
holding me for dear life.  My head rested against his shoulder I must have
fallen asleep because it was 4 in the morning when I woke, David's arms still
held me tight.  He whispered asking if I was going to be all right.

Nodding my head, "David can you forgive me for the all shit I keep loading on
you, I know you haven't had it easy either?"

He touched the side of my face, "Like I told you I did a long time ago it wasn't
then and isn't your fault now."  He kissed me briefly before we crawled out of
the back of the Humvee unseen.

The shower felt great as I was lathering up David walked in he looked at me,
"You're my only friend I hope you never forget that because I never will."

Nodding my head I turned my face into the spray.

The next couple of months were filled with patrols, and two injuries in our
platoon, thank God they weren't life threatening. Once again rotation back to
the world was a month away.  David and I had spent a lot of time together as
friends, so I was surprised when he came to see me in my tent.  We walked out of
hearing of everyone.  He looked deep in my eyes, "Could you ever love someone
like me, I mean really love me for the rest of your life and be happy?"

He'd caught me off guard, "Why are you asking?"

He absently kicked at the sand, "if there is a possibility you could then I'll
rotate back to the world with the platoon otherwise I'll stay in country because
you and I both know there is nothing back their for me."

I grabbed his shoulder.  He looked deep in my eyes.  I could feel my grip
tightening, "David come back to Pendleton, please, even if we are only friends
at least we have each other to count on."

He nodded his head looking directly at me he smiled, "for you I will."

That night sitting in my tent I wrote to Anderson, telling him everything I had
been thinking and feeling, I also told him about David, I wanted him to know
because Anderson cared about me. It was almost ten days before I received a
reply from Anderson.  I could tell by the way he'd written that he was angry.
He said that I was still missing Lucky and I needed to take time.  He also wrote
that I needed to come home and work on the farm, he said he couldn't do it all,
beside he said Melissa had left him out of the blue, he didn't know why but he
was having a hard time taking care of two farms but he did it because he loved
me and Lucky.  I wrote back right away and told him I would come home for a
month as soon as I returned to the world, I sent him my checkbook and told him
to hire someone if he needed.  Another week passed before I received another
reply from Anderson.  He sent back my checkbook saying we were family and he'd
take care of things until I got home. He sent me a picture of holding a blue
ribbon he'd won at the State fair.  I smiled looking at him he was almost five
years older than me and looked five years younger.  I was excited to get home to
the farm.

David and I became better friends, as the date for us to rotate got near I told
him I'd be going to the farm for a month, I told him that down the road I'd like
to take him to the farm and introduce him to Anderson, he smiled, I'd like that.

Returning to California was awesome and the sight of Pendleton made me happy for
the first time.  I 'd turn 23 in two days.  I had already spent almost 27 months
in Iraq since joining and was a few months from being in the Marines five years.
I was surprised that the Jeep started right up, it was dusty but that was all
right, I thought about Lucky, he knew I still loved him.  With my leave approved
I drove over to the apartment.  As I pulled in the landlady rushed out hugging
me.  I handed her a small gift I had picked up in Iraq she smiled at me.  I
carried my things upstairs, took a quick shower, packed and headed to the farm.

The drive gave me time to think about everything.  I knew I was developing
feelings for David, but at the same time I still had deep feelings for Lucky and
I wasn't sure I could ever give myself to someone the way I had Lucky he was my
world.  When the farm came in sight it was dark, as I neared the farm I saw
lights on and knew that Anderson was waiting for me to arrive.  I parked and
jumped out of the jeep running to the door, Anderson opened the front door.  I
stared at him.  He looked dirty and had lost a lot of weight.  He tried to smile
and broke down.  I held him walking in the house and sitting him on the sofa he
wouldn't let me go, he cried so hard it scared me.  I told him when he was ready
to talk we would.  He fell asleep I laid him on the sofa then went out and
grabbed my bags from the jeep before coming inside and fixing something to eat.
When I woke him he looked at me and tears filled his eyes.  I helped him stand
and took him upstairs he undressed and got in the shower when he came out he
dried off, dressed and we walked down to eat.


After dinner we sat beside each other on the sofa and I prodded Anderson until
he told me about Melissa.  Seems they began having problems right after Lucky
died, he said she had filed for divorce and was already seeing someone new.  I
felt bad for him.  He looked in my eyes, "You can't imagine how hard it has been
to be alone having to take care of these farms."

"Yes Anderson I can, I'm proud of you but you can't continue to do this."

He looked at me, "Josh, I'm so fucked up I hate myself."

When I tried to get him to talk to me he just shook his head.  Finally I got
pissed.

"If you want the fucking farm back you can have it, it belongs in your family
anyway, what is it you want, I care about you and you're going to tell me."

He sat up, "fuck you, this is your farm, Lucky left it to you and I want you to
have it too.  You really want to know what I want?"

I nodded my head, "your damn straight."

His eyes filled with tears, "I want you to love me the way you loved Lucky."

I stared at him for a minute then I stood up and walked out of front door got in
my jeep and drove away.  I couldn't believe what Anderson had said to me.  I
drove for close to fifteen minutes then I began to worry that Anderson might
hurt himself and I hurried back doing ninety miles an hour.  I found him on the
road walking back to his farm.   I stopped and told him to get in the jeep, he
looked at me and laughed, "fuck you."

I pulled the Jeep over and got out, he came around to where I was standing, I
told him to get in the Jeep again.  He took a swing at me I grabbed him holding
him tight.  I knew he was stronger than me, but I also figured what he wanted
was the closeness.  I held him until he calmed down then I got him to get in the
Jeep and we returned to my farm.

I led him upstairs, I saw him watch me undress and crawl in bed he stripped from
his clothes and soon followed.  Once he was under the sheets I knew he was
nervous other than thinking about it he had never been with another guy.  I
pulled him in my arms and told him to go to sleep.   He didn't argue, he put his
arms around me and drifted off.  In the moonlight I looked at his face, he had a
strong jaw, his body was muscled without a trace of fat and his face had that
little boy lost look that I loved so much in Lucky.  My fingers moved gently
through his brownish blonde hair and my erection began to stir.  I gave myself
hell I was here to help him not fuck him.  I ended up closing my eyes, my arms
still holding him I fell asleep.

I woke in the morning to Anderson trying to give me a blowjob I looked at him
and it made me angry, I knew he didn't have the foggiest idea what he was
getting himself into.  I put my hand on the back of his neck and grabbed his
hair telling him to suck my dick.  His eyes looked up at me as my hips crammed
my erection in his mouth he tried to gag. I couldn't last long, I yelled out oh
shit and filled his mouth with cum.  He gagged several times before swallowing
my load. I pulled him up next to me I was still mad with him and told him to lie
on his back.  I had his legs up on my shoulders and soon was forcing my dick up
his virgin ass, he stared at me, I knew it hurt.

His eyes filled with tears, "I doesn't matter how much you hurt me it won't
change how I feel."

It was like he'd hit me in the stomach, I stopped trying to hurt him and pulled
him in my arms and kissed the side of neck.  "Anderson, why me?"

He put his hand on the back of my neck, "because like Lucky I need someone to
take care of and you need someone too."

I gently lay him back and made love to him, he cried out several times before
losing control, he lay there exhausted.  I looked at him I couldn't take this
anymore I hurried to the bathroom and dressed.  Anderson looked at me as I
entered the bedroom.

"I'm sorry I've got to leave I don't know what to do right now."

Anderson, got out of bed, "will you stay if I go back to my farm?"

I nodded my head, he dressed slowly he looked at me, I looked at him and soon he
was down the stairs and out the door.  I walked downstairs, locked the door.  I
sat on the bed and fell to my knees crying out asking what in the fuck was going
on, what was I suppose to do.  I had no idea and I felt alone.

I fell asleep on the floor, when I woke in the morning, I felt like shit.  I
grabbed a shower and a piece of bread before heading out to work.  I spent the
entire day working hard trying to work all these problems out.  As the sunset I
returned to the house.  Anderson was sitting on the porch, he stood up when he
saw me coming.

"I'm not staying just wanted to bring you something to eat, if you need to talk
call me."

I nodded as he walked away my heart felt like it was breaking he was trying and
here I was pushing him away.  I still felt he was making a mistake.  He had left
a plate of chicken and potato salad.  Once I cleaned up, I sat down and ate
everything on the plate.  I was tired, which helped me to stop thinking about
everything at least for a few minutes.

It was early when I arrived at the cemetery the next morning.  I looked around
for a few minutes before going directly to Lucky's grave.  As I walked up I saw
the small American Flag, I smiled.  Then sat on the bench the local VFW had
erected in his honor.  I looked at the headstone for a while wondering how Lucky
was and if he still loved me.

It didn't take me long to work myself up and soon I was pouring my heart out
asking what I was supposed to do.  I sat there for hours before getting up and
going home.  I went upstairs and fell asleep exhausted.  I didn't dream but I do
remember a voice telling me to love, nothing else.

Anderson brought dinner to the house again.  I opened the door looking at him
the sadness in his face was real.  I pulled him in my arms and held him tight,
he didn't move he stood there I kissed the top of his head over and over.  He
let me lead him to the sofa he sat beside me.  I looked in his eyes.

"Anderson I loved Lucky with all my heart, and being with you is hard for me.
First you're Lucky's brother and second you're married."

He nodded his head, "people change, I loved Lucky too, when I met you I knew I
had begun to have feelings I hadn't had since I was a little boy.  When I met
Melissa she was patient and understanding.  The longer we were together the
harder it was for me to have sex with her and then I just couldn't. Do you
understand?"

I nodded my head, "I want to."

He looked at me, "Josh, I love you.  Nothing you can do will change that, if you
go away tomorrow it won't change anything for me.  I guess I'm like Lucky in
that respect, I'll wait even if it takes forever."

I touched the side of his face, I kissed him slowly he melted in my arms and let
me hold him I didn't want to let him go.  Anderson laid his head on my shoulder
and we talked for hours, he listened to me tell him about everything I thought
and was feeling.  When I told him about David he asked me how I felt, I told him
the truth I cared about David too.  He nodded his head.

Anderson stood up, "Josh go to David, if you don't you'll never be happy here
with me, you'll always wonder."

Standing next to him I looked in his eyes, "I'm home."

We walked upstairs, as Anderson undressed I watched his every move, I wanted all
of him.  As we lay together I did the one thing I had never done since I loved
Eric.  I lay on my back and asked Anderson to take me to make me his forever.
He looked in my eyes his blonde hair hanging down in his face.  He was gentle
and once inside me he looked at me, "only this once."

I nodded my head, "only this once."

I returned to Pendleton after my leave. I have six months before my enlistment
is up.  David came to see me the day I returned without having to say anything
he smiled at me and slapped me on the back, "you're happy now I can tell."

Smiling at him I whispered, "very."

Over the last three years Anderson and I have worked together on the two farms,
we recently put one of the farms up for sale but not the land.  Anderson has
been a joy in my life.  He takes care of me and I take care of him he's
everything I've ever wanted or needed.

Three months ago a Navy Chaplain drove out to the farm, he told me that David
had died in action on February 12, 2005. David had listed me as his only
relative.  David and I had stayed in close touch, I wrote him all the time since
I'd gotten out and Anderson sent him boxes of stuff.  David took leave and
stayed with us prior to shipping out this time, he had promised to come back
when this tour was up.  David and Anderson had become friends Anderson was even
trying to fix David up with one of his friends. He and I were the best of
friends and I'll miss him for the rest of my life.