Date: Thu, 11 Feb 2010 11:14:37 -0800 (PST)
From: R B <dkmywife@yahoo.com>
Subject: Persistent Love <M/M Anal, oral)

   My first gay relationship started out as a close friendship.  I guess
that is normally how such relationships begin considering that gay
relationships are difficult to enter into.  Particularly when one man is
gay and the other is not or isn't sure.  Add to that the fact that we were
at the time in the military where such behavior is treated like a crime and
then the difficulty level grows exponentially.  Johnny was in charge of
records and processing orders for incoming and out going personnel and I
worked in the base clinic.  It was at the base gym that we first met and
Johnny first realized his desire for me.

   He and I had been stationed together at two different duty stations in
the two years since I had completed boot.  He had been in five years to my
two and had a keen sense of how to work the system so that wherever I went
he was soon to follow.  Apparently, he was acquainted with the system well
enough to generate his own orders while doing nothing out of line.  He had
used this knowledge to keep tabs on me so that he could work his way into
my pants.  Johnny was gay.  A fact he was forced to keep under wraps due to
the military's ideology that gays in the military were a threat to national
security.  Anyway, he not only wanted me physically, he wanted me body and
soul.  In short, he had fallen for me the moment he laid eyes on me.  That
happened to be in the base gym shower.

    After seeing me in the shower, he made a point to introduce himself the
next time he saw me in the gym.  His line of approach was to suggest that
he needed a workout partner to keep him motivated..  So we started out
working out in the early mornings on a regular basis. From this
association, we developed a friendship that grew closer as time went
on. After nearly a year, I still had no clue that he had a romantic/sexual
interest in me. It wasn't until my second posting that he came out to me.

   I received orders to report to Puget Sound Naval base in Washington.  He
already knew of my orders a week before I received them. He didn't get
upset until I had the orders in hand.  It was as if he was hoping I
wouldn't get them or that something would prevent my being transferred. We
said our good-byes as friends do and made promises to write..  As I pulled
away, I could have sworn he was crying.  Less than a month later Johnny
showed up at the Puget Sound gym ready to work out.

   I was far from upset to see him there because most of the people I had
gotten to know in that month were processing out.  So we rekindled our
workout routine and started hanging out more and more. Johnny is 6 feet
tall and built quite impressively with wide shoulders and trim waistline.
He was often asked if he was a professional body builder.  He just happened
to have good genetics that allowed him to maintain a killer body while
working out a few days a week. I'm considerably shorter but gifted with an
equally nice build though not as muscular.

    I didn't date much and when I did it was a disaster.  I simply had no
tolerance for the women I had been dating.  Either they wanted me to date
them exclusively or they wanted me to be there to stave off advances while
they flirted with other girls.  On several occasions, I was treated to the
sights and sounds of two women getting it on in the back of my truck while
I sat patiently in the front and watched.  Once in a while, in gratitude
for my `understanding', I got a blowjob and even got laid if my date was so
inclined.  This 'gratitude' didn't happen with enough frequency to make the
hassle worth it.  It wasn't long before I started hanging with Johnny 24/7.

   After six months Johnny rented a small apartment off base because he was
tired of living in the barracks, though he suggested that I keep my
barracks room as a back up for when we had to work late.  He made it clear
that I had to stay in the barracks at least once a week just to be seen
coming and going occasionally.  Otherwise, I practically lived in his
apartment crashing on the futon in the front room, which served as a
bedroom.  The apartment was in a three level Victorian mansion, converted
into three apartments. He took the top that no one else wanted due to the
narrow access stairway.  As a result it was dirt cheap and the utilities
were cheap because in winter a wood burning stove heated the place nicely
and in summer the heat never got too hot for an open window to fix.  The
main bedroom was set up in the turret tower typical of the Victorian
era. It had one flat wall for the bed and three windows allowing a
panoramic view of the trees outside, which provided both atmosphere and
privacy.  His apartment was a good 30-minute drive from base, located in a
heavily wooded neighborhood and was a great weekend escape for us both..

   I helped him move in and since neither of us had much of anything like
furniture it was a short, easy job.  He bought a California King sized bed
and box spring the next weekend.  Then he found an antique oak four poster
bed with heavy, deep red velvet quilted curtains which deployed much like a
canopy over the bed keeping the occupant or occupants warm on cold
nights...before the advent of central heating.  That same weekend we
checked out several garage sales and located a `Play pen style sofa' at one
sale and we located a large screen television at another, which apparently
was a divorce sale.  The rest of the day we spent carting the sofa and
television back to the apartment.

    We settled in easily and lived quietly for the first month just getting
used to the peace and quiet of the neighborhood. Johnny and I were both on
the same duty section so we stayed on post when we had to. Sometimes we'd
stay two or three days depending on the amount of work we had to do.  Often
enough it wasn't worth the time to drive 30 minutes only to sleep 3 hours
and come right back.  The second month went pretty much the same as the
first except that he was kept at work more often than I, so I had the place
pretty much to myself.  Late one night in the third month Johnny came home
very late. I was in bed and half asleep when he walked through the
apartment. I drifted into a shallow sleep barely aware of the noise in his
room and the gray light of a television being flipped on.

   At 1 A.M., I woke up to a noise; half asleep, I couldn't place it.
Johnny's door was cracked open.

   Grey television light flickered through the opening.  As I laid my head
back on the pillow I heard a moan and recognized it as the noise that had
woken me up.  At first I thought Johnny was in pain, so I got up to check
on him.  As I got to the door, I stopped short.  I saw that he had a porn
movie playing on his TV, gay porn.  Two men were fucking.  The moans I had
heard were from the television.  Then Johnny moaned "Rich."  I turned my
head to see him sitting against his headboard stroking an impressive cock
that was twice the width of his hand.  "I want to fuck you...to make love
to you...," he whispered.  To my surprise, my cock sprang to life.  He was
writing a letter with his other hand.  Moving my head further, I could see
his face, his eyes were closed and filled with tears, which were streaming
down his face.  "Rich...how do I tell you I want you...?" he whimpered.
Then I realized it was a letter, to me...a love letter..."I know I'll never
have the guts to let you read this...but I have to release it from my
soul...somehow.... or I'll go insane," he whispered to the paper..  He put
his pen down and sobbed into his hand.

    Then he started stroking his cock, slowly whispering my name,
"Rich...oh Richard....please....God please let him know somehow....so I
won't have to risk our friendship....let him know....please....let me love
him....."  He sobbed again.  My heart went out to him, but I thought it
wrong to open the door and intrude. I mean he was in a rather compromised
position.  My mind raced as the words he spoke echoed in my brain.  I
looked up as he grunted and came into a cloth which I later discovered was
a pair of boxers he'd taken from the folded laundry pile, my laundry pile.

    I waited a moment then turned away.  As I turned, he placed the letter
in a book and put it in his bookshelf. It was a Ken Follet book, 'Pillars
of the Earth'.  I made note of it and went to bed, only I didn't sleep, I
didn't know how to feel about my roommate being in love with me.  Then it
struck me that I was being a little egotistical.  Maybe 'I' wasn't the
'Rich' he was thinking of, but somehow I knew I was the one.  Almost
unconsciously I stripped my boxers off and began stroking my cock.  As my
hand awoke my cock, my mind screamed with delight at the idea that Johnny
wanted to have sex with me, no.... to make love to me.

    I moaned as the thought of my mouth on his cock hit my brain, as he
fingered my ass, as he fucked me, and came deep inside me. Sun broke
through the window that next morning and woke me from the most deeply
erotic dream I had ever had.  My cock painfully swollen and red from a
night of erotic dreams, I was backed up.  My clock read 7:30 A.M. on
Saturday, that was way too early to be up, but my cock was aching too much
to sleep. Beating off was out of the question because I didn't have a door
to close for privacy.  As I lay in bed contemplating my options I heard
John's door creak open and his foot steps shuffling on the carpet.  A few
seconds later he was banging around the kitchen making coffee.  I remained
in bed while my hard on settled down.

    After a few minutes, I was able to stand and walk without pulling a
groin muscle or be obvious but I remained engorged.  Putting on my robe I
walked into the kitchen and poured myself coffee.  Johnny was already
sitting at the table looking down. "You alright?" I asked gently.  He
nodded but didn't look at me directly..  Sitting down in a chair next to
him I asked, "Are we friends?"

   He looked at me, incredulous. "Yes, very much friends..  Why would you
have to ask?" he asked sounding insulted.

   I nodded understanding and said "I had this dream last night, but it
wasn't like any dream I've had that I can remember and I want to tell you
about it, but it's... it's... different.  I'm rather embarrassed by it."
He looked at me curiously.  The dream I had had was indeed erotic and
highly passionate but it was the first time I had ever had a gay sex
dream. To make it more bizarre, Johnny had been my lover. I was, in that
instant, aware that I would like Johnny and me to be together.  In that
moment, my heart was racing with fear, lust and curiosity.

   I threw it to the wind.  "I had a sex dream, a hot sex dream," I said,
stopping as I felt my face flush red.

    "So, I have sex dreams all the time," he said smiling.

   "About other men?" I blurted.

   He nearly dropped his coffee.  "Other men?" he asked, clearly excited
but trying to hide it, failing.  I nodded reddening by the minute.

    I let the shock of my confession sink in as Johnny stared. My face
flushed hot as I began to regret opening my mouth.  Nervous tension built
up in my guts as second thoughts and doubts about what I'd heard began
creeping into my mind.  Countless scenarios flashed through my
consciousness in that instant, each more disturbing than the last.. Just as
my heart was about to come out my throat Johnny said, "Yes, yes I
have...quite often."  My mouth dropped open at his candid 'matter of fact'
tone he had taken in making the announcement.

    Moving to the chair immediately next to me he asked, "W-who,
who...hum...who were you with?"  At that moment I leaned in on my elbows
and stared into my cup but said nothing..

   Moving closer he put his hand on my wrist and repeated the question,
"Who was it?"

   I looked up and asked, "You won't get angry?"  He shook his head 'no' as
slowly as he could and still acknowledge my concern.  Taking a breath,
steeling myself, I said, "It, was... you." I whispered the last word so
softly I could barely hear it myself.


   He sat back.  "Who?"

   I looked up at him and said, "It was you."  His mouth dropped open.

   Taking a calming breath, I sipped my coffee.  "You aren't mad at me are
you?"

   He smiled grandly and said pleasantly, "No."  He reached for his cup and
pulled it close to him.

   His hands were shaking. "Tell me about it," he said his voice excited.
I was silent for a moment.

   "What would you like to know about it?" I asked half knowing what he was
looking for but still not quite sure enough to know.

   "What were we doing?" he said leaning in close.  "I want details."

    The dream itself as I remembered it was disjointed and morphed from one
scene to the next as dreams do. Taking a breath I start reciting what I had
remembered, while staring into my cup.

   "The first thing I remember was that I was sucking on your cock.  We
were outside; I don't know where... you were laying down under a tree
somewhere private... alone... then we were in bed... I was face down..." My
voice trailed off in embarrassment.

   "You were face down?  What was I doing to you?" he asked impatiently..

     "You were kissing my neck... and you... you were..." My voice trailed
off as I blushed in embarrassment.

   His hand was gentle on my arm and slid up just a bit as he whispered,
"You can tell me."

   "Y-you were fucking me...then the sun hit me in the eyes and woke me
up."

    He sat back unable to suppress a smile.  "Can you tell me what brought
this on?  I mean, dreams like that don't just happen, especially erotic
dreams."  I got up to pour myself more coffee I had an erection from the
retelling of the dream and my ache was back in full force.

   "I heard you last night.  I woke up to some sound; then I heard you
moan.  Thinking you were in pain or something I got up to check on you.  I
was about to enter your room when I noticed the movie you were watching was
the source of the moaning, but then I noticed you were writing a letter and
crying." I paused to take in his reaction.  He was not smiling anymore, but
he wasn't angry either.

   "I heard you say things about me and your prayer to God that I somehow
find out and that you wanted to... to make love to me... ," I let my voice
trail off because I didn't want him to think that I had deliberately
intruded on his thoughts.  He leaned in and stared into his cup.

   "Yeah, I've written you hundreds of those...burned most of them.  I
never had the guts to let you know.  I had hoped that eventually things
might happen so that we'd be, you know, together."

   I stared at him with growing affection. "God must have been listening,"
I said.

   On impulse, I grabbed his wrist and said, "I've been with a man before."
I paused and gulped because I had never confessed this to anyone because I
was so afraid of what people might think.

   He looked up in surprise "Sexually?" I nodded.

   "He seduced me and knew what he was doing, too.  We spent the weekend
practically naked or the next thing to it."  Johnny got up and filled his
coffee cup.

   "How long did you date?" he asked stirring is cup.

   "I don't know that we considered it dating but we saw each other for two
years before his parents moved away."

   "Soooo... did you ever get together with anyone else?" he asked.  I
shook my head no.

   "I never knew how to pursue it."  I paused and sipped my coffee.

   Then I added, "Until now."

   "S-so you want to....umm..to...uhmm...get physical?" he asked.

   "You might say that I'm willing to see where this goes," I said as a
calm sensation came over me.  He smiled a knowing smile and grabbed my
hand, which was still wrapped around his wrist.

   "I wrote you... letters.  I'd like you to read them," he said in a shaky
voice.  I nodded agreement and he was up and gone before I had time to
realize it.

    When he returned he had a look of nervous apprehension as he held the
folded letter to his chest.  He looked at it then at me.

   "They're.....well...very sexual. Maybe not as graphic as others I have
written.  You can read those later, if you want.  Anyway, these say what I
have always wanted to say...and do to you."  His voice trailed off.  "I
never expected that you would read it.......really" He paused then handed
me the letter before sitting down.  His hands were shaking; his entire body
was shaking...in either anticipation, fear, a combination of both perhaps.
As I unfolded the letter, he reached for my hand "Promise me one thing.  If
we.....can't be together, promise me that...that....you will still be my
friend."  He choked on the last words then continued, "I'd learn to live
with that."  I was touched and I nodded.  He sat back and I proceeded to
read the letter..

     Rich

     We were hanging out again tonight; just hanging out.  How do I tell
you how I feel?  How do I tell you that I care for you, that I want you?
For over a year now I've wanted to make love to you but I don't know how to
tell you.  Part of me is ashamed to feel this way for my friend but I have
always wanted you.  I have always wanted to touch you, fuck you; for you to
suck me....I do hope you like doing that....when the day comes...I want to
feel your tongue on me.....your mouth on me...would you swallow?  I don't
know...and I don't care.... would you let me fuck you?  I have imagined you
laying under me...my cock buried inside you....I love your ass.....always
have....I hope you understand....I want to fuck you, to cum inside you and
share my essence with you.  Love.


   Look at me, I'm all about 'I', I, I in this letter, but you'll never
read this will you?  No.  Since you won't be reading this I can be
honest...  Ok...I think I love you.....no...I do love you.  Maybe not at
first...I lusted after you for sure......but I didn't love you until I
realized you were leaving...that is when it hit me...you were leaving...and
I hadn't come out to you...so there wasn't any chance that I would get a
chance to let you know...that I do love you....and how much.  When you left
life went to hell.  I didn't want to live.  No, no...I was not suicidal but
I realized that I didn't want to live without you.  Even if it meant I had
to stay in the closet and be a friend only.  Being near you as a friend is
enough, at least I tell myself this every day, every night...especially
when I sit in the door of your room and watch you sleep.  Yes, I watch you
sleep.  Sometimes I lay next to you and pretend....well dream that you want
me as much as I want you.  Good night....love.

    Rich

    Me again.  Just read that last part.  Man...I've got it bad.  You are
in the shower now and I got a peek at that fucking hot body of yours
again....God I wish you were gay....because right now...I'd throw your hot
assed body on the bed...lube you up.....and fuck you until I couldn't cum
anymore....no preamble...no foreplay.....I want my cock in your ass...I
want to feel your buns touching my hips...to feel your hot body writhing in
ecstasy.....to hear your voice....scream 'fuck me'.  I wonder....would you
beg?  Would you like to have my cock in your ass?  Would you like my cock
in your mouth?  Would you swallow?

    Last night I lay on my back and imagined that you had surprised
me....you were laying naked on the bed....you took my hand...and expertly
sucked my cock......granted it was my imagination...but you did a fantastic
job...you really did....and you swallowed my load.....of course we
fucked...yes....I always fuck you in my dreams....in my dreams....how
pathetic huh?...at least you are near me....but we did fuck...this
time... you took charge....this time you lubed me....and mounted me like a
horse....you took all of me...all 8" of me...and you took my load into your
ass......looking at me...the whole time.....you came too...yes...I wouldn't
forget you......you shot your load......on my chest...I rubbed it into my
skin.....to absorb as much of you into my body as I could.  God....why
aren't you gay..?

    Rich

    Guess this is turning into a journal rather than a letter isn't it?
Two letters in two days, this will be three.  I have filled at least ten
booklets writing letters to you.  I've burned them to keep my secret,
because I do not want to drive you away if you accidentally find these
chicken shit letters.

   If I were a man...I'd tell you...but I'm not willing to risk losing
you.....even if I have to remain a secret love...if I have to live my whole
life watching you date and fuck women.  How would our first date go, will
there be a first date?  My heart says yes, but it has been so long.....will
I have to come out to you first?  Well, yes especially if I expect to have
a first date which I hope leads to something more...something...way
more...sexual and loving.

   It's late tonight.  You are asleep.  I'm sitting on the couch watching
you.  I've just now realized that you are sleeping in the nude.  You just
rolled over and the sheets came off..  I'm looking at your ass as it curves
into the small of your back.  Your cheeks look so fine.  my cock would love
to be sandwiched between them.  I would love to bury my tongue in your
ass....lick it...kiss it...fuck it......oh wake up....be gay....say you
want me....let me have it.....let me have your ass.

   Of course you sleep too lightly for me to touch you....how awkward would
that be?  I love that cock too....I'd love to shave you bald then kiss and
lick your cock...balls...ass....I love looking at you...I'd love fucking
you more.  You just rolled over...I'm in heaven....I see you...all of
you...and you are hard.  Who are you dreaming of?  God it's beautiful and
you shave it bare....oh my dreams of you tonight will be so...hot... you
already know what I'm going to be doing with you....don't you?  No.  YOU
don't.  I'll sleep here tonight...to be near you.  Good night.

   Rich

    I'm dying tonight.  I love you, there's no denying it anymore but I'm
so afraid to tell you.  As much as I hurt tonight, I am not willing to lose
your companionship so I keep it inside. I spent today at a support group
for gay men in love with straight men.  I mean to tell you most of those
characters are just horny and really don't love their 'infatuations' as the
group leader calls it.  Get this: most of the men they desire are
married. One even successfully seduced his 'infatuation' and brought him to
the group.  He told the story of how he came out...was honest about how he
felt...and the rest was, as he put it, easy.  It was nauseating actually.
The poor guy was scared to death that his wife would find out.  Anyway, the
applause broke my heart.  I do not have the guts to risk losing you over my
selfish desire for you.  Like I said, I'll be nearby and suck it up...just
to be near you...for as long as I can...until I die if I can...but life is
so short...why must I love a straight man...a cute straight man?..Why
couldn't you be an asshole?  Piss me off, make me dislike you...so I can
tell you I'm gay and not care what you think...so we can make up, make
love....and fuck the shit out of each other.  But you never piss me off.
You have never shown me the slightest disregard...and you are always
considerate...Well, most often...but you never do anything to be cruel...or
hateful.  Why can't I be honest with you?  Why?

    Rich

     I'm praying to God tonight for the strength to come out to you.
Hoping that by being honest...to you and to myself.....things might work
out for the best...at least for me...that would mean being able to be with
you.  However, I'm simply hoping to allow myself to be more open with you.
So that you know I'm gay at least, so that when the day comes I have to
tell you I love you it wouldn't be so shocking.  Again, you are asleep.
I'm tearing my heart out, I want you, I want to fuck you...please God...let
me be strong...let him be with me......let him understand....let him be
`bi' at least.....throw me a bone...

    The last page was folded and taped, so I tore it open.  It was the
letter he had written the night before..

   Rich

    My heart is breaking.  One of the group committed suicide because he
was honest to his 'infatuation' who rejected him.  He drove his car into an
oncoming truck on the freeway this morning.  He left a 'note' in the group
office this morning just before he did it.  By the time we read it, he was
dead.  Rich, it broke my heart to think that he may have loved him like I
do you, took the risk and lost.  I know how he must have felt..  I cannot
imagine that pain.  I cannot...imagine ever losing my Rich, even in the
limited capacity I have you...so I am again struggling with being honest
with you.  It hurts so bad to live with you, to love you like I do...to
fear letting you in on my secret.  I'm asking God for guidance this night.
I pray for your love..


Please....

   I sat staring at the last paragraph, disbelieving.  He was shaking
violently, his face ghost white, afraid to look at me.  I put the letter
down, folded it neatly and put it in my pocket.  My heart swelled.  I was
aware of how nervous he was how frail he looked.

   "Johnny...are you ok?" I asked.  He was shaking like a leaf afraid to
look up so I reached for his hand.  "I'm not rejecting you, so I want you
to take a breath and calm yourself, okay?"

   He looked up and tears started falling in streams.  "W-what did you
think?" he said trying not to sob.

    "It's a good thing we had that HIV test last month," I said stroking
his back.

   He looked up.  "Why is that?" he asked.

   "Because you can fuck me without a condom."  Lifting his chin I asked,
"Is that ok?"

   He smiled.  "Yes!" His hand reached for mine and we sat silently
drinking coffee.  My heart pounded in my chest as my head spun in a surreal
understanding that I had just entered into a relationship with a man that
was predisposed to be sexual, very sexual.  It was at this moment he
noticed my raging hard on.  "It looks painful," he said sounding
sympathetic.  I nodded.  He looked me in the eye but said nothing at first.
"I'm not much into cock sucking...but I can still help you out," he said
smiling.  Before my mind had time to address the situation he was taking me
by the wrist and walking me to the couch where he made me lay down.
Kneeling next to the couch, he reached for a bottle of hand lotion and
began to stroke me slowly not saying a single word.  His eyes locked on to
mine.

   "Relax and let me take care of this, ok?" he said smiling.  Slowly he
moved in and kissed my neck, ears and mouth.  His velvet hand stroked me
gently as the pressure built.  As I'd get close, he'd slow his strokes or
stop altogether letting urgency of my release wane then he'd slowly bring
me back to the point of release and stop again.  He brought me to this
point at least 4 times that I could consciously remember as my mind was
filled with passion, lust and physical greed.

    As I started to believe he'd never let me cum he moved in and said,
"This is for you babe."  He kissed me and brought me to release.

    My belly wadded up into a ball the size of a grapefruit and blasted out
the end of my cock, such was the pressure behind my release.  I cried out,
but his mouth on mine muffled it.  As I came, my back arched off the couch
so that the only parts touching the cushions were my heels and neck.  Ropes
of cum shot so high into the air that some landed on my neck.  Johnny
smiled grandly at the sight of his work on my chest and began rubbing it
into my skin.

   "Our first orgasm together," he said and he kissed me again.

    Breaking the kiss Johnny beamed.  "It's Saturday and we have a three
day weekend so we can take this slow and see where today takes us."

   He paused then continued, "Would you mind if I consider today our first
date?"  I shook my head `no'.

   My mind was racing from the power of my first orgasm with him. I wanted
our first coupling to be pleasant and clean and was thinking about how I
could fit an irrigation in without it disrupting the mood. It seemed that
Johnny was reading my mind.

   "I bought an irrigator last month.  It's in my closet.  Something told
me that I'd need it.  I didn't know exactly why but I do now. When you
decide that you want to go there, I'll administer it. Okay?"

    We spent the day exploring the mall and a few coffee shops avoiding
known gay hang outs, because the NIS was always on the prowl for service
men that frequented these places.  We didn't act any differently in public
than we had before, only now there was a lighter feel and a deeper current
of expectation. Other than that, we didn't do or say anything that would
have betrayed our over-all intent.  We did hold hands in the movie theater
for a while and he stroked my cock again.

   After the movie we drove up the coast to a secluded beach that Johnny
often visited when he wanted to think. There, he had had happy thoughts of
me as well as sad thoughts.  Now that we were 'dating' it was ok to share
it with me.  Pulling into the parking lot I could see a trail that led to
the beach.  The walk was steep and wound around several ancient trees.
When we got to the beach nobody else was around; it was deserted for miles
in every direction.  Where we were was an isolated cove surrounded by pine
trees the only access being the trail we'd just come down.  The sun was
setting as a pod of Orcas surfaced, dived then surfaced again.  Johnny
looked nervously around and back up the trail.  Nobody was around or
driving by and if anybody did come we could see them long before they saw
us.  Feeling secure in our privacy he moved in behind me and wrapped his
arms around me.  His hands slid down to my waistband and tucked his fingers
so that he felt my skin, but went no further, not right away.

   We stood there watching the sun set as he kissed my neck and ears.
Reaching behind my back I unzipped his jeans and slipped my hand inside to
begin stroking his shaft.  As it popped free my hand grasped it and I began
getting acquainted with it.  Johnny unzipped my jeans and let them
fall...in no time we were both naked from the waist down our jeans sitting
in a pile next to us.  I could feel his heat pressing against me.  Looking
down I saw his cock emerge from under mine and I hugged it to me. His shaft
parted my cheeks, pressing against my hole as he began attacking my neck
and ears with his tongue and lips.  Kissing and licking me gently, he said,
"I've wanted this for so long.  I can hardly believe it's really
happening."  He kissed my neck.

    "It's been a while since I sucked a cock," I whispered.

   "It'll come back to you, I'm sure," he whispered.

   "I know," I said.

   With that I fell to my knees and positioned myself so that I could focus
on his cock.  He was bigger than I expected but beautiful.  He had to be at
least 8" and perfectly straight without a single imperfection and no hair
to interrupt the sensation of skin on skin.

   As I moved in, I could smell peppermint.  When I kissed the base of it,
I could taste peppermint oil. Sliding my lips along the side of his shaft,
I licked him as I moved up.  He sighed and moved to lie down.  When he was
comfortable I moved in, kissed and licked the other side then licked along
the bottom of his shaft all the way to the top and licked the hole with my
tongue.  His pre-cum was seeping from the opening.  I took his head into my
mouth and swallowed as much of his shaft as I could.  I pulled back and
looked up at him; he was staring at me.  Putting my mouth back onto him, I
felt his hand on my neck...aiding in creating a rhythm.

   Closing my eyes, I let the heat of his cock mix with my body heat as I
slid his head and the first few inches into my mouth, sliding him in and
out of my hungry mouth.  I enjoyed hearing his moans as I slowly bobbed my
head up and down on his shaft.  Positioning myself on all fours, I was able
to get better penetration, which was followed by a gasp of approval from
Johnny.

    I kept a slow rhythm because I realized how much I loved sucking cock.
As I administered to his cock his moans and sighs swelled my heart; my
affection for Johnny surfaced with a burning desire to give myself to him.
Sensing that he was cumming I backed off, not wanting him to cum too soon
and knowing that the longer I prolonged his pleasure the more intense his
orgasm would be.  As I waited for his sensitivity to ease, I made a
decision.

    "How long will it take to set up the irrigator?"  My mouth closed on
his head again as he answered.

   "Ahhuh..about a minute, and 20 minutes to do its business. Why?"

   At that moment, the memory of the loving words in his letters came
welling up and tears rolled down my cheeks.  "I want you to make love to
me," I said trying to control a sob then continued, "I want you inside me;
I want you to fuck me."  My voice trailed off.

   All at once my heart and mind exploded with the desire to make him
cum...to taste his essence.  My mouth engulfed his cock again and I moved
my head up and down with a fevered desire to make Johnny cum.  I was
forcing him past my gag with each bob of my head and soon I felt his head
hitting my throat.  I couldn't get it past that point as much as I tried.


He seemed to think that I was going to pull off as he started moaning and
saying as a warning to pull back, "I'm going to cum...I'm going to cum." I
increased my depth on him and speed..  He stiffened, and moaned,
"I'm....I'mmmm...uhhhh...uhhhh....oh...Gaahhhhhh!!!"

   I took as much of him in my throat as I could fit as jets of hot cum hit
my throat.. Surprisingly I actually put enough of him in my throat that he
was shooting directly down it.  I had accidentally done a partial deep
throat. As I realized this, more cum shot down my throat as he convulsed
and groaned again.

   "You, you swallowed?  You actually swallowed?" he cried.

   I came off him and he was still hard.  He lay panting and his body
jerked suddenly and another spurt of cum shot out of his cock and landed on
the cold stones on which we lay.  Sitting up he pulled me to him.  I felt
the heat of his cock press against the crack of my ass. "I will make love
to you, I will...."  His hands slid down and grasped my ass cheeks.  We
rocked back and forth in this position until it was pitch black.  We put
our jeans on and headed for the car.

    30 minutes later, we were on the freeway.  Ten minutes after that I had
his cock in my mouth again as he drove us home.  I was naked by the time we
pulled into the drive and up to our parking space at the foot of our long
staircase. "I want you to stay naked," he said..  "Wait until I get up
stairs and turn the light off then come up."  He took my clothes, bundled
them up, and carried them to the apartment..  Once the light was off I got
out of his car and ran up the stairs.

   I wasn't in the door a minute before Johnny had me laying face up on the
couch nibbling and sucking on my neck and ears. After a few minutes we were
both naked on the couch, Johnny on top pressing his hard cock between my
legs and poking the head against my hole, teasing, prodding.  As his cock
pressed against my entrance, he whispered in my ear, "Are you sure you want
me inside you tonight?"

   I responded by pressing my ass against his cock and replied, "Are you
sure you want to be inside me tonight?"

   He rested his head on my shoulder and gently pressed his pelvis into
mine.  "I, I've wanted this for so long......I can hardly believe that
you're here...I'm afraid that this is only a dream and I don't want to wake
up from it....I don't want to wake up."

    We lay silent for a long time.  The only sounds we could hear were the
crickets outside and the neighbors arguing over which movie to watch.  It
wasn't until the movie our neighbors were watching was half over before
either of us said anything. "Did you set up the irrigator yet?" I asked.

    "No, not yet," he said.  "Wait here and I'll come get you when its
ready."  I could tell he was reluctant to leave so I started to get up with
him.

    "Hey, I know you think this is a dream so I'll come with you so that
you know I'm not going to fade way like in some dream, okay?"  In a flurry
of motion I was in his arms being carried to the bathroom where he
administered the cleanse the details of which I shall keep to myself.

   Once finished he stood me in the shower and coated my body with nair,
including my pubic and anal region.  Two applications were enough to remove
any and all body hair.  He then got in the shower with me, soaped me up and
rinsed me off while I did like wise to him.  Johnny seemed to prefer me
with my back to him.  When we were done, he dried me off.  With that done,
he reached for a box next to the shower.  In it were what I recognized as
almond sized suppositories.  Holding one up he explained what they
were. "These are sexual stimulants.  Most men lose the urge when they cum,
for a while anyway.  These enhance the libido so that there is no loss of
drive or desire. I take caplets orally about 30 minutes before 'things'
happen.  These can be used right before and the effect is nearly
immediate. These can make you cum so hard that too many orgasms can
dehydrate you."  He peeled the suppository, bent me over then inserted it.
He was right, the affect was nearly immediate.  I had already been feeling
the urge but when this took effect, I felt a surge of eroticism hit my
whole body.  It was as if every cell in my body wanted sex.  The effect on
my mind was sharp, as if a door once locked was opened.  My desire for
Johnny was overwhelming; my emotions exploded, as did my lust, my unbridled
lust.  He lay me on the couch and disappeared into his room.

   When he came back out he picked me up from the couch and carried me to
his bed where he lay me among the sheets.  Candlelight lit the room in a
soft yellow/orange glow that mixed with Kenny-G Duotones playing softly in
the background.  Johnny was already naked; his body was so perfect and
toned that I counted myself lucky to be the object of this adonis'
affections.  His cock was now fully erect and pointing directly at me.  He
crawled into bed next to me and pulled me close.  He wasn't much into
kissing except when it came to my neck and ears.  Occasionally he kissed my
mouth, but he preferred my neck and ears so he contented himself thus.

   One full song passed as he did so then as the next song started he moved
south, way south, paying some attention to my cock, but not too much.  He
was interested in more, much, much more.

    "Roll over babe," he said in an emotionally charged voice.

    I did as he suggested thinking that he was finally going to fuck me.
Then I felt his hot breath on me and I knew, I knew.  Reaching for the
loops in his bed I held on as his tongue grazed my opening, circled it and
finally penetrated it.  Johnny was reaming me.  I was lost, so, so lost.
My moans let him know I was enjoying this.  He shoved his tongue deep and I
gasped, "Yes, yes."  His arms wrapped around my thighs and waist as he
tongue fucked me.  I was his, all his.  I buried my face into the pillow
and hugged it close as he spent the next 15 or 20 minutes driving me
insane.

    I moaned, "I want you"..  He kissed my neck and reached for the lube
then rolled to his side and began applying it to my ass.  Biting on a
pillow I felt a long finger penetrate my ass. Rotating it and pumping it in
a circular motion, he began relaxing my hole.  Two fingers pumping and
rotating, driving me mad.  Ten minutes later, three, buried to the knuckle.
When I couldn't take it anymore I rolled over and lubed his cock, coating
every sweet inch of his manhood with a thick layer of lubricant.  Rolling
back over I automatically propped my ass up on two pillows and spread my
legs.  There was no way that I could be more clear.  He crawled between my
legs.  I felt his cock slide between my cheeks as he nuzzled my neck.  His
body shook with excitement.  The warmth of his head pressed against my
opening still warm from the stretching he had given it.

   "I've waited so long for this moment," he said, his voice shaking.

   Slowly he increased the pressure and I immediately felt his head slide
in.  Unconsciously, I reached behind myself and spread my cheeks; his hands
wrapped around my wrists as he slid in deeper still..  There was no 'pop'
or pain like I remembered.  He had stretched me enough to allow his head to
pass fairly easily. There was a moment when the pressure mounted as the
secondary barrier was breached, but again there was no pain. I moaned as
his body heat mixed with mine.  His head was just inside the barrier rings
and I felt my insides stretch to accommodate his shaft.  His body came to
rest on mine as he did so, his shaft slid deeper.  His lips found my ears
and neck again and kissed them softly.  A shallow pumping motion of his
hips drove his cock deeper with each stroke.  He was larger than my last
experience but this time was so much more enjoyable.

   Reaching over my head I gripped two of the rungs of the headboard,
braced my body against his intrusion, and pushed back impatient to be
impaled on his manhood. Inch by inch he entered me.

   I could feel his pulse beating through me when we'd rest..  Johnny was
shaking with excitement and emotion.  "Are you okay?" he asked.

    Releasing one hand from the headboard, I reached for the hand that was
under my chest and held it to me in an unmistakable sign that I was more
than just 'okay'.  At the same time, I rocked my pelvis so that his cock
slid in a fraction deeper.  The simple motion of his flesh sliding against
mine drove me to move my pelvis again and he again slid deeper.  I gasped
in satisfaction and continued my own effort while he took the hint and made
opposing motions with his pelvis..  With our combined efforts, it was a
matter of mere moments before I was fully impaled, his 8" shaft pulsing
inside me.  My mind raced with the fullness of the moment.  I felt the
warmth of his cock stretching me, the heat of his flesh against my flesh,
inside and out.  His heart pounded against my spine but I could feel his
pulse deep inside me; we had become one.

    In that moment I released my conscious 'male' identity and became a
lover.  I was neither a man nor a woman; I was simply a human being loved
by another human being.  We let one full song from Kenny-G Duotones play as
we lay in this position.  Halfway through the next song Johnny whispered
into my ear, "Slow and easy?"  I smiled with my eyes closed as I reached
for the headboard to brace myself again.  Slowly he raised himself on his
arms so that our bodies formed a horizontal 'Y'.  My legs spread wide and
he raised his pelvis ever so slightly pulling his beautiful 8" shaft from
my body.

   "Get up with me," he whispered.  Without having to be told a second
time, I pushed myself up onto my knees.  His hands were on my hips
supporting his own effort..  Once on his knees he pulled a fluffy pillow
from the pile next to us and placed it under my torso and then another.  My
hands now gripped the upper rail of the headboard and his hands were now
firmly gripping my hips.  Again, I felt his cock slide out only he slid it
out all of the way leaving only the head of his cock in my hole.

   A cold drip of lubricant met my warm skin as he relubricated his shaft.
After wiping his hands off with the tea towel he had stashed among the
pillows, he gripped my waist again.  Slowly his cock slid into me again;
the lube was a good idea because he slid in easier.  Inch by inch he buried
his shaft again until I felt his skin silently come to rest against mine.
One hand began massaging the small of my back as he lingered before pulling
out again. Slowly he returned his cock and pulled out again.  He thrust his
cock deeper still pressing his pubic bone into my pelvis. "I do not want
this to end," he whispered.

    "Neither do I," I replied, "neither do I".

    Laying his body onto mine, he whispered, "If this is a dream I don't
want to wake up.  Ever."

    I said nothing but rocked my pelvis against him acknowledging the same
desire. "Fuck me," I said pressing my ass against his pubic bone hoping to
somehow get more of his cock into me.  Not needing to be told twice he
picked up the pace pulling out his full length and slipping it back in
again. His cock began a slow regular rhythm punctuated by the sound of skin
slapping skin.  I felt more cold lubricant spilling clumsily into the crack
of my ass and the speed of his assault increased.  We were both well lubed
but the added benefit of fresh lubricant didn't hurt. I was loving it.  I
was unconscious to the fact that I was moaning and grunting with each
thrust he made.  "Johnny....ohhhh yeah....Johnny....Fuck me....fuck me...."

    He increased his attack as I pushed myself up on the pillows, a low
tension building deep in my groin as the fury of his attack increased.  I
was going to cum and I met his thrust with equal vigor as he no longer
whispered his desires but screamed them to the world.  "I love you....I
love you.....," he cried.  In that moment the world went still as a white
hot flash of ecstasy seared my brain as I came.

    Torrents of hot semen blasted from my cock as I convulsed.  My vision
blacked out...and I convulsed.  A groan followed as another torrent of hot
semen launched from my loins as my body arched and wreathed in convulsions
of pleasure.  As I came to my senses Johnny, who was holding onto me for
dear life, slammed his cock as far into my ass as he could manage and
came..  I felt hot jets of semen shooting into my body...long, white-hot
jets as he silently...convulsed...again....and again.  He wrapped his arms
around me, ramming his cock ever deeper as he convulsed again.  Impossible
amounts of cum shot into my ass, filling me with his essence.  Feeling his
cum spilling into me caused me to convulse in orgasm again; shooting
another burst of semen onto the sheets into which we collapsed still
connected, and barely conscious.

    When I woke up the room was dark.  The summer breeze was rustling
through the leaves.  It was then that I noticed that I was being cradled in
Johnny's arms.  I felt one arm wrapped around my chest while the other
stroked my face.  As I fell to sleep in his arms, I heard him whisper,
"Thank you God.  Thank you."