This is a story involving a gay character and his life and relationship. If you are expecting wild monkey sex then please move your attention to another story. The author, as in me, retains the copyright and the authority over this story and distribution or re-posting of this story through any other medium or to any other site is to be done by my consent only.
Any grievances, compliments, queries or requests to the author are to be directed to the address at the bottom of this story. Flames will be ignored or laughed at.
*** Him - TRUE STORY***
That day was the last day we met for the next couple of days. We had a couple of days off school to study for our final exams. These exams are more like the `crux' point in our lives here, if we don't nail this good, our whole future is bound to change, sadly, the exams are so damn important that some students are driven to suicide on failing.
I think it was about a day or two before the exams started, when he called. An Internet website had important questions for these exams that were more likely to be asked (told you it was important) and the website owners were a respectable institution. He asked me to come over to an Internet place and find those papers. I guess I was high on the fact to see him again so I just got ready the next day and left.
There I was standing like an idiot waiting for him, my patience slowly running out. One thing I can't stand among many others is unpunctual people. He finally came, not alone, with two other friends, I guess it didn't bother me since one of them was my friend as well but it was still a turn off. I realized why he was late, he probably tried getting those guys to come with him too. I looked at the watch, he was just 10-15 minutes late, at least my watch said so, but standing there waiting for `him' it seemed way longer.
The papers turned out to be in pdf format and me being the only person who knows about this stuff was left looking for a place which had an Adobe Acrobat Reader (TM) I think this was one of the reasons he invited me, `cause I'm the only person he knows who can pull this off. I sat down with `A' and the other two took another PC, it really drove me to think though. When he's talking on the phone he's much friendlier and `user-friendly' he can easily talk what's on his mind, in real life though, he becomes this, this, this weird piece of hostility.
I'm not sure its hostility though; it seems like he's trying to be funny and fails miserably. At one point when the other guys weren't looking he just stopped, and started staring at me. I tried to look away at first and feign interest in what the others were doing but he didn't back off. So I quickly turned around to face him with a look in my eyes that said `What?' he just stared at me and all of sudden asked me if he could kiss me. The bastard -- he knew we were in public and he just knew how well he gets on my nerves. I might have been a bit mad that is till I realized that I did things much embarrassing and threatening to him when he was a bit more `straighter'.
That was the last of him I saw for the next few days. I have a really good network of internet friends and one of them is Steve. Actually two of them are `Steves' but the one I'm talking about is American and the other is British. I usually meet him Saturdays and we talk. He knows about `him' and usually pep talks me out of things. I met him that week and we talked. I usually save his chat sessions just in case I don't meet him or I need his words.
Steve: so tell me how is the relationship going
Kam: did u read Ch 6?
Steve: of "enough"
Kam: yeah.... if u did you'd know that I've got a new story up which just might answer any question about my 'relationship'
Steve: I just saw enough is up, it must have just went up this morning
Steve: I will read it when I get up, and what is the name of the other story
Kam: Him...its under the no sex section
Steve: ok I am tired of waiting for the next chapter
Kam: which one?
Steve: If you get tired of waiting for the next chapter you can read my other
Stories, "The Boy Series" in adult/youth section and "Enough" in High school
Kam: u mean, u read the whole first chapter, already?
Steve: sounds good
Kam: for an old guy awake at 2 in the morning ur pretty alert
Steve: I am glad things are going well for you
Steve: thanks kid
Kam: I wont say things are going well
Steve: tell me
Steve: I like love stories
Kam: I bet u do
Kam: I'm confused...wait ill copy and paste an excerpt from an email I sent a friend
Kam: The thing you said about `A' and me is well, reasonable, but I still can't help feeling scared. Scared...as well as feeling manipulative. Everytime in my life I wanted something, I always got...even friends. I always had this thing about me that always managed to persuade people in doing things, my way. And now, I feel that maybe I've manipulated `A' into this relationship, have I? Tell me; is it really possible to change someone's sexuality?
Steve: so what do you think, is it?
Kam: I was hoping you'd tell me...the person I sent it to gave me a good reply but I don't know
Steve: as far as the basic personality< no I don't believe you can change it. But I believe it is possible to love someone and not "reject" the idea of expressing that love with sex as the natural and best way to do it.
Steve: in other words we all have the yin and yang, and it is possible to bring forth emotions and behaviors that have always been there but just not on the surface
Steve: and still retain those behaviors and attractions we had gotten in touch with earlier in life
Steve: so I guess I am saying I think bisexual is the norm. I know I was able to have enough of a straight relationship to have kids.
Kam: yin and yang huh? Do u know what the other guy told me?
Steve: tell me
Kam: you haven't changed anyone's sexuality - that's ridiculous. Everyone is bi-sexual to a greater or lesser degree, and you have simply awakened `A' to a certain pre-existing aspect of his personality with which he may not have been in touch. We are all composed of X and Y-chromosomes, a masculine and feminine element, or yin and yang as the Chinese refer to it. To be a complete human being, we should acknowledge and celebrate every aspect of our personality and make-up.
Steve: is he also an "old man"
Kam: 42 I think
Steve: so what do you think?
Kam: well I'm attracted of course...u know gay sex with someone I'm in love with and then what if something goes wrong
Steve: if you go at his pace and you maintain your head in the right place, it should be something beautiful
Kam: he's too good for me
Steve: stop wallowing in low self-esteem
Kam: I know what I am Steve, but u don't know him
Steve: I know just what you tell me. But putting everything you tell me together he loves you, and he is starting to tell you he wants to take the relationship forward
Kam: that's the problem Steve...how do I even know if there IS a relationship?
Steve: what does he have to do to convince you? Jeez he is telling you he is almost ready "gather your rosebuds" and quit looking the gift horse in the mouth!
Steve: sorry American wisdom
Kam: its ok really...god I hate myself.....why do I always have to be so damn confused
Steve: he is sharing with you that he also has some attraction to you and that he is almost ready to explore this with you. He is like a guy when he first learns to swim. He is sticking his toe in the water first and will eventually take the plunge
Steve: he already knows he wants sex with you, and you know that too, you both realize the importance of only doing it when you both are sure and when you both will be expressing something important and not just getting your rocks off.
Kam: He prefers chocolate to vanilla...do u get what I mean
Steve: I am not sure, that means something with racial tones over here
Kam: no not racial...sexual
Steve: you both may also be afraid it will work and there are lots of responsibilities with a relationship, and what will your parents think
Kam: don't even go there...parents are the last things I want to think about
Steve: but it is always in your head that eventually that has to be addressed
Kam: there's a story called "The Golden Circle" on nifty thought I don't remember what section...it has this idea of a modern new better society where sexuality wont be an issue at all.... even BLs
Kam: u should read it sometime
Kam: I need to go now...
Steve: ok hugs to you and much love, I think things will go well for you two just allow it to happen and don't push it
Steve: bye J
Kam: bye and thanks...you really helped me today boy am I glad I came online...bye Steve, love ya.
Ok, right then I decided that I needed to focus on this (and the exams) I decided to take it slow and let things happen naturally while still keeping things in control. It felt weird; you'd think that things happening between alternate sexualities only happen in stories. I would pinch myself many times right in the middle of the day to make sure if I'm actually living it.
The exams started and I saw very little of `A' in the initial days. These exams do not happen in your home school, all the million of students across the city fill up forms months before the exam and then they get an exam ID and get appointed to schools other than their own in the same area. Turns out `A' and I are in separate schools (which was good `cause I didn't need the distraction)
Only 2 of my friends were in the same school as mine. One of them was `AC'; he's the sort who spends his entire year studying for the exams...he's really brilliant, just can't handle languages. `AC' and I had a giant fight in the beginning of last year and ended up not talking for almost 2 straight years. It was just around the time when I came out to `A' that I made up with `AC'...things just started getting better in my life since him.
The exams were going better than I expected...or at least I hoped so. I've no idea what'll happen if I don't get good marks in it. Anyways, like I said, I didn't see much of `A' during the initial exams but soon I found out if I waited around the bus stop for about 10-15 minutes, he comes around with my other friends who were in his school. And I made it a point to wait around everyday for him. See the school I got appointed to is right close up to `A's house so that way he has to come around. We'd chat about how the exams were, what parts did we screw up and who copied whose answers (I swear I didn't copy anyone's).
The topic of `us' never came up during these post exam discussion. Mainly because we never exactly got to `talk' with the other guys around and the fact that I didn't want to undermine them or monopolize `A's time. I think it might just be me but whenever he met after the exams he looked like he was feeling isolated and something really `bad' inside, maybe the papers were too hard on him. But that look on his face just made me want to hold him and comfort him right there, and then the fact that we're in public would come in and I'd stop.
I mostly never got calls from much of my friends. Most of my friends actually all of my friend live at about a distance of 5 minutes walk from each other and I guess didn't feel the need to talk to me but `A' made it a point to call me once or twice every 4 days. Maybe now you'd understand why I like him so much, but is that all... like?. I knew it's most probably a schoolboy crush but somewhere inside me it felt like so much more.
One time when he called me during the exam he made some normal talk just when the topic of some girl came up. He wanted to tell me about her but I just begged him not to which I think he probably understood and let it be. I am very emotional, and didn't ant to murder the girl out of jealousy. It wasn't until I thought about it that I realized something. He was `straight' sure, like many other straights I've been with he'd fool around too, but after that? I didn't care about the others that I've done so far because it was `just' for the heck of it but I won't ever survive having to get over `him'. He `will' eventually end up with a girl and I eventually will end up a lonely fag, that is, if I don't decide to live a fake married life to avoid the pain. But the only thing that being gay has taught me that no one's to blame for the way they're born. He's straight, accept it, support it, and be his friend as long as he needs you to be. If he doesn't, just walk out of his life.
The exams were just about to end and I couldn't be happier. The pressure would finally pack up and leave, no wait the results, damn! But I guess I'd only have to worry about the results in June. I guess it also brought in a lot of pressure of `A'; he said that the only thing holding him back is the exams, after which...after which I'm not sure what he's planning to do. But whatever it is its scaring the hell out of me.
I basically spent the day listening to and watching the Indo-Pak cricket match. India won...Yaay! It was directly after the match ended that he called. He was his phone-friendly self again. We talked for some time. I don't know what we were talking about but it ended in me telling him that I'm not a `virgin' (Big mistake) I never told him because I didn't want him to think of me as some slut, but in one way I really was a virgin. I'd had sex; I'd never made love. I needed that, love...everyone else for me were just `nothing'. Hell, none of them even drove me to orgasm just because they couldn't give me what I wanted. It all ended with my buddy -- my right hand.
Around this time I'd also stopped masturbating. I guess it was too sad of a thing for me. It reminded me how lonely I am. It was also around this time that I realized that I think too much (don't you?) I mean get real Kam its just masturbation, jeez! I hadn't masturbated for over 5 months and I hadn't felt the need to, yet!
Well, with the way things are going I don't know what kind of ending this one will have...it's all ambiguous at the moment. But I started writing this with a promise of presenting the truth and it will be the way I end it -with the truth.
If you've read chapter 8-10 of enough you'd know the hell I'm going through so give me some time. I hope that everyone out there is living a better one. Anyways, remember I'll read your mails and love it (I'm sure) but I'm not sure I'll be able to reply 'cause of all the probs. (Pray for me!)
Thanks for holding on...if you haven't already check out other stories 'Enough' in High school section and 'The Boy Series' in the Adult/Youth section.
Kam. firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com
PS:: I've got those mails and offlines and quite frankly, I'm flattered. Thanks for all the support and love. As for a pic...you all know my yahoo id 'chatboyonline' just check out the profile. Thanks again...I love you all.