Date: Fri, 5 Oct 2001 16:01:26 -0500
From: Mark Smiddy <marks@apex.net>
Subject: My Heart Remembers, Gay/No-Sex

   I was driving home, waiting at a red light when the radio began to play
that old familiar song, I hadn't heard it in ages and it made me think of
you and I. So long ago. I was sure you were a harmless memory until all
those old feelings came rushing in and the next thing I knew the tears
started to flow. Tell me, how can you still touch me across the sea of
time? Over twenty years of living and an ocean stands between us but with
one simple song I remember it all like it was yesterday.

   We were young and so in love, everything was possible, the world was at
our feet and the future ours to claim. Sitting in your cramped apartment
and dreaming dreams as big as the Milky Way. I can still see the way your
eyes shine, the way your hand felt in mine, how my heart ached just looking
at you, you were the most beautiful man I'd ever seen.

   Remember the night we watched 'Endless Love' and when the ending came I
broke down and cried? My heart remembers the way you touched my face and
kissed the tears away. Remember all those Chinese dinners and how you tried
in vain to teach me how to use chopsticks? My heart recalls the night when
I just couldn't get it right, I was so frustrated, so you fed me using
yours. Remember the night we lay on a blanket under the stars? My heart
remembers how you pointed out the constellations and called them by name,
then you turned to me and said, " A billion stars, but none of them shine
as bright as the one beside me."

   Strange but I can still feel your touch, I can still smell your skin;
like spice and earth, I can still feel your kiss; as soft as an angel's
wing. And if I didn't tell you then, let me tell you now, that you were the
most wonderful thing that's ever happened to a man this side of Heaven.
When we made love you gave me more than just your body, you opened up your
heart and soul, you gave me all that was you. No one before or since has
touched my heart in so many places with such gentle grace.

   I remember the day we had to say "Goodbye," but neither one of us could
say the word, you held me tight and said, "I don't think I can leave you."

   But in the end you had to go.

   I remember watching you go through the gate and down the tramway to the
plane's door, and then you turned around and ran against the crowd shouting
my name. My heart remembers how you jumped the gate, picked me up, held me
to your heart and begged me, "Please come with me!"

   But I was young and afraid and I foolishly stayed behind.

   I remember watching your plane taxi down the runway and lift off into a
cloudless sky.  My heart remembers how I watched a part of my soul fly away
on the wings of a big silver bird.

   For twenty years I've regretted not getting on that plane, twenty years
of wondering what might have been. My heart remembers everything about you;
that handsome, dark- haired young man with a French accent from Switzerland
who loved me like no one ever has before or since. I know that loving and
being loved by you was a once in a lifetime chance. A chance I foolishly
let slip away.

   Still I wonder, do you think of me when you hear that old familiar song?
A part of me still holds out hope that you'll come back some day, because
we never really said 'Goodbye.' Until then my heart remembers and so does
the song...

I will follow you, will you follow me All the days and nights that we know
will be I will stay with you will you stay with me Just one single tear in
each passing year

For Francois, who taught me what true love is and who still touches my
heart twenty years later.

And for those who read and wonder, yes, this is a true story.

(Lyrics to "Follow You, Follow Me" by Genesis are copyrights of Atlantic
Recording Corp.  No copyright infringement is intended or implied.)